FREELfIND TRIBUNE.
KSTAISLISIIKD 1888.
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A youth in Denver, Col., whom his
parents afflicted with the somewhat
unwieldy name of George Washington
Abraham Lincoln Wellington Camp
bell, has run nwny from bis home
because tlicy refused to permit him
to abbreviate It in the way bis heart
was set upon. Nobody among the
neighbors seems disposed to Ida me
him, but he had to take his entire
name tvith him.
In its triumphant march to tho
leadership of sports in America golf
has enrolled among its enthusiastic
followers the leading officials in the
United States Government. There are
now 1000 regularly organized golf
clubs In tlio United States, with a
membership of 150,000. Over $lO,-
000.000 has been invested in t.lie game,
and each year $3,375,000 is spent in
its pursuit. Meantime new golf clubs
are springing up by the score.
Consul-General Gucnther at Frank
fort, Germany, notifies the State De
partment, at Washington, that Ger
man newspapers report that the agri
cultural societies of Italy will pay a
prize of $193 for a reliable method of
ascertaining the quality of sulphur nud
of mixtures of sulphur and sulphate
of copper most effective in the use
against plant diseases. Often sueli
mixtures, it is stated, arc inferior,
and this competition, international m
ehuracter, is thus offered xvith a vieiv
of alleviating that difficulty.
Housekeepers and pure food com
missioners have a new foe to fight
It is viscogen as a milk adulterant.
It lias been found by inspectors of
the Dairy Department in Minnesota,
and, so far as known, its use is yet
confined to that State. When its
properties become generally known,
however, it may confidently be looked
for elsewhere. It Is r. syrup composed
of sugar, lime, and water, about the
color of water, and is used chiefly to
make the milk appear richer than it
really Is. When viscogen is placed
in milk or cream the lactic acid turus
the lime in the fluid into a white,
thick substance, which, assimilating
with the milk, gives it an appearance
and tasto of great richness. It is pos
sible through its use to palm off upon
customers milk and cream which is
far below standard. Fortunately, the
adulterant, according to Minnesota
authorities, is not injurious to health.
Extension of Chautauqua Work.
The Chautauqua movemeut is stead
ily extending its influence and scope
of work. One of the most remarkable
of the reading circles is located in the
prison of Stillwater, Minn., where, for
tho past ten years, it lias exerted a no
table influence among tho convicts in
the regeneration of life and character.
Active circles have also been carrying
on the work for years in tho Argen
tine Eopublic, Chile and the Hawaiian
Islands. Jamaica in the West Indies,
Yokohama, Japan and India report
largo new circles. Chautauqua read
ers are also pursuing the courses iu
Mexico, Venezuela, Portugal, England,
France, Germany, Finland, Alaska,
Porto lllco, Cuba anil tho Philippines
and other foreign islands and coun
tries. Last summer over 130 Chau
tauqua assembles were held in thirty
four different States and Territories,
the attendance at which aggregated a
million of people.—Gunton's Magazine.
Guild of WLLRC IBUMLLTS.
In Maine there is a co-operative
guild of workingwomen incorporated
under the laws of that State whie'4
provides in its bylaws that all profits
shall be divided in a certain ratio be
tween the stockholders and the wngo
earners.
At -the 6torm of Magdeburg by
Tilly. In ltidl, this noted authority on
tlie art of war l'n id down the general
maxim that after a successful assault
the soldiers ought to have three hours
c f pillage.
Steam motor wagons have eommene-
Cf.tl to run regularly between London
ajjd Tun bridge Wells.
SAND.
I observed a locomotive in the railroad
yard one day,
It was waiting in the roundhouse where
the locomotives stay;
It was panting for the journey, it was
coaled and fully manned,
And it had a box the fireman was filling
full of sand.
It appears that locomotives cannot always
get a grip #
On their slender iron pavement cause
their wheels are apt to slip;
And when thev reach a slippery spot their
tactics they command
And to get a grip upon the rail they
sprinkle it with sand.
It's about this way with travel along
life's slippery track
If your load is rather heavy and you're
always sliding back;
So, if a modern locomotive you complete
ly understand, _ '
You'll supply yourself at starting with a
good supply of sand.
If your track is steep and hilly, and you
have a heavy grade,
And if those who ve gone before you have
the rails quite slippery made,
If you ever reach the summit of the up
per tableland,
You'll find you'll have to do it with a lib
eral use of sand.
You can get to any station that's on life's
schedule seen,
If there's fire beneath the boiler of ambi
tion's strong machine.
And you'll reach a place called Flushtown
at a rate of speed that's grand
If for all the slippery places you've a good
supply of sand.
| The Practical Lover, 1
/ / -i —>. ON'T talk a lot of stuff to
I Jme aljout love and mar
[ 1 riage," said I Impatiently
to my romantic friend
Jack Manning, as we sat over the fire
in my modest chambers discussing the
pros and cons of life in double har
ness. 'lt is simply impossible to com
bine the two. Marriage is a prosaic,
practical condition, make tire court
ship what you will. There should be
no silly love-making In the business at
all."
"I've heard all that sort of thing be
fore," said Jack quietly, puffing rings
of smoke scientifically into the air.
"And you, like the rest, only want a
smile from a pair of bright eyes to
bowl you over and set you by the ears.
It's fate, my boy, that's what it is."
"Bosh," said I contemptuously.
"When I marry it will he a woman
who does not expect any nonsense of
that kind. We shall conduct our part
nership on a business-like basis—l to
provide the money, she to take care of
the home."
Left alone I took down a photograph
anil regarded it intently.
"Here's the wife for me—a nice, sen
sible, intelligent girl, with no non
sense about her at all. I'm tired of a
bachelor life; it's wretchedly dull.
Yes, I'll go and see her to-morrow and
get it over."
Miss Silvester did not blush, east
down her eyes or tremble or appear
agitated in any manner. She looked
thoughtfully out of the window for
some seconds, then she looked up and
regarded me soberly.
"Would you mind telling me what
your annual income is?" she asked.
Tlds staggered me a bit, but I told
ber SISOO without any hesitation.
"It's not a great amount," she mused.
"But still we might manage on it with
prudence. I haven't very expensive
tastes, and you "
I murmured that I was most unpre
tentious in my way of living, and
asked whether she would consider
smoking an unnecessary luxury.
"Not at all," she answered promptly.
"I hope I am not so foolish as that.
Y'ou see I am a practical woman, and
you will quite understand that in ac
cepting your offer sentiment is not
brought to hear upon me at all, and 1
think I may depend upon you not to
subject me to any foolish demonstra
tions of affection."
"Certainly," I returned. "Yon have
but echoed my sentiments. I (rust I
shall he able to make you happy, and
that you will not regret your decision
to-day."
And then we talked over matters in
a very satisfactory manner. There
was no need to delay the marriage she
agreed—a couple of months would be
quite sufficient to make all necessary
arrangements—and after a cup of tea
and the congratulations of mamma, a
gawky sister and a rather handsome
young brother, I returned home to my
diggings in the dignified character of
a formally engaged young man.
Mary would not allow mo to buy her
an engagement ring; it was quite un
necessary, she said, and we should
want all the money we had. In the
matter of house furnishing she exhib
ited a practical, matter-of-fact inter
est which was most commendable, and
she determinedly discountenanced any
Idea of a honeymoon.
"We shall get tired of one another
In a week," she said. "I shall ho quite
content to remaiu at home, and per
haps go to a concert or lecture in the
evening."
One memorable day something oc
curred which opened my eyes to the
real state of tilings. I surprised Mary
in the act of saying good-h.ve to her
smart young brother at the door. She
put both arms around ills ueck nud
kissed him with a warmth of affection
1 had never deemed her capable of. A
very demon of jealousy rose within
me.
I followed her Into the room, talking
wildly nud as idiotically as only a man
in love can. I caught her hand,
pressed it to my lips, and implored her
to lie kind to me. Site told me not to
make myself ridiculous. Her disdain
and contempt for ine goaded me be
yond hearing. I told her lii'e was a
howling wilderness without her love,
and I ad-'-ed the very ground she
walked on. . nd that unless she recip
| rocnted my affection I should never
I find peace ou this side of the grave.
She Informed me that I wns talking
like a schoolboy, that she wns sorely
disappointed in me and could never
respect me again.
It was all up. I left her presence
with the fixed Intention of going
either straight to the dogs or finding
a home in some watery grave. But I
did neither. After pacing the roads
for a good hour and a half, I suddenly
found myself at my own door. Me
chanically I walked up the stairs and
into my own room, nnd sat down by
my solitary hearth, a picture of de
spair and misery. llow long I brood
ed there I hardly knew, hut I was
aroused from the lethaigy into which
I had fallen by a slight step crossing
the threshold of my own door, and be
fore I could turn a pair of small
hands caught me from behind and
softly Imprisoned my aching eyes.
"Guess! guess!" said a strangely fa
miliar voice In an excited mood.
My heart thumped like a steam en
gine, but before I could gather my |
scattered Wits and answer I was re
leased, and Mary, a smiling, blushing,
transfigured Mary, hung over the arm
of my chair and actually hugged me
of her own accord.
"Fred, dear Fred," she said trium
phantly, ns she desisted. "Tell me.
Do you still want a practical wife,
dear?"
I didn't, and I said so. I caught the
pretty hands in mine and drew the
owner unresistingly toward me.
"Mary," I began. "Did you "
"Yes, we did," interrupted Mary
laughing. "We wanted to give you u
lesson."—renny Pictorial Mugazine. ,
FAMOUS TRYSTINC OAK.
liesort For Many of Sir Walter Scott'#
Characters.
"Admirers of Sir Walter Scott will
Be interested to know that the famous
trysting oak In Ilartbill-walk, In this
country, mentioned in 'lvanhoe,' and
beneath the boughs of which so many
stirring scenes were enacted, has at
last come to the ground. Scott himself
refers to the tree as 'venerable;' and,
as we may suppose that this epithet
was appropriate in the days of Coeur
do I.ion, it would be difficult to find
in England a more antiquated trunk
than that which now lies near the
scene of its youthful glory. The Dnke
of Leeds is the owner of the land
about Hnrthill, and we (Liverpool
"Post") are informed that it is the in
tention of his agent, Mr. W. Mosey, to
preserve the relic, have it suitably in
scribed, and, with no little ceremony,
plant a young tree on the spot. It is i
very probable that the Duchess of
Leeds, who, as the authoress of 'Cap
riceios,' has become known in the lit
erary world, will interest herself in the
matter
"The old tree, by the way, was the
headquarters of Wamba, the Je3ter
the son of Witless; Gurth, the thrall
of Cedric the Saxon; Locksley, the
wonderful archer, and other charac
ters in the immortal romance. From
it the letter of defiance was Indited to
Front de Boouf, 'signed by us upon the
eve of St. Withold's Day under the
great trysting oak in Ilnrtliill-walk.
The above, written by a holy man,
clerk to God, Our Lady, and St Dun
stan, in the chapel of Copmanhurst'
According to Scott, the tree was but
three arrow flights from Torquilstone
Castle, a place which figures largely
in 'lvanhoe,' but of which no traces
now exist."—Median's Monthly,
Lord Elrion'ft Apology*
On one occasion a Junior counsel, on
their lordships giving judgment
against his client, exclaimed that he
was surprised at their decision. This
was construed into a contempt of
court, and the young barrister was
ordered to attend at the bar the next
morning. Fearful of the consequences,
he consulted his friend, John Scott,
(afterwards Lord Eldon), who told him
to bo perfectly at ease, for he would
apologize for him In away that would
avert any unpleasant result. Accord
ingly, when the name of the delin
quent was called, Scott rose and coolly
addressed the judges. "I am very
sorry, my lords," he said, "that my
young friend has so far forgotten him
self as to treat your lordships with
disrespect; he is extremely penitent,
and you will kindly ascribe his unin
tentional insult to his ignorance. You
must see at once that it did originate
in that. He said he was surprised at
the decision of your lordships. Now,
if lie had not been Ignorant of what
takes place iu this court every day—
had he known you but half so long as
I have done—be would not be sur
prised at anything you did."—The
Green Bag.
Wealth of Economy.
In almost all the cases where men
have accumulated great fortunes, at
tention to margins and remnants has
been the secret of their success.
Wealth did not come to them In huge
windfalls, overwhelming them with
opulence, but by gradual acquisitions
and by saving, year after year, the
loose money which other men squan
der. By economizing the little sums
which toe thoughtless and improvident
man deems not worth looking after—
the pennies and dimes nnd quarter
dollars of which he keeps no reckon
ing—the pyramid of their fortune has
been slowly and surely reared.—Suc
cess,
Hani Ileil. liecommcmled.
A German doctor advises the adop
tion of a hard bed, nnd that children
should be trained from the beginning
to sleep upon no other kind. It is cer
tainly true that, ns a rule, the hurd
bed conduces to the most refreshing
lilud of sleep, the feather bed, so dear
ly loved by our grandmothers, being
enervating iu the extreme an encour
aging weakness of mind in the matter
I of getting tip in the morning.—Pitts
burg Dispatch.
felSi
Machinery Working a devolution,
* n rHE perfection of farm nia-
I , clilnery baa worked a revo
| lutlon In all fnnning metli
~g~ od£ Now a man can with
case do the work in a day that used
to take him three or four days tt> per
form. By means of the improved ma
chinery and scientific methods the
progressive farmer has cheapened the
cost of his produce by half; the per
fection of railway service takes his
surplus to the market in half the
time, with a freight charge of one
fourth the tariff of thirty years ago.
There is more money now in fifty
cent wheat than there wus in "dollar
wheat" then.
In every field of human activity in
tills country, save one, there have
been and are being made giant
strides to multiply productivity,
lessen cost and add convenience. Shall
Wo not expect ere long that the top
wire of main fences will connect with
telephones nnd Join farm to farm, and
these, in turn, to the town at the rail
way, the county seat and the city?
But what shall we say of the roads
In these there has been practically
no advancement In fifty years. Wagon
transportation shows little, if any,
progress for a century. Periodically
in every community the farmers go
out, and under the direction, or, more
properly, misdirection, of the path
master, plow up nnd destroy more or
less of the roads in working out their
annual poll tax. May we live to see
the end of this idiotic practice. Many
of our main traveled roads have had
more time and money thrown away
upon them in these annual tits of "im
proving" than it would cost to build
nnd maintain a first class macadam
road. The necessity for good roads
is immediate and imperative; expand
ing trade and the perfection of ocean
transportation have put American
grain Into competition with the food
products of Crimea, India, Australia
and Argentina. In all of these coun
tries American machinery and meth
ods are no strangers, and all of the
economies known and practised hero
nre understood and employed there.
If, then, the American fanner Is in
the future to hold the first position ns
the feeder of the world, he must still
further cheapen the cost of his pro
duce in the world's market. There
may he various ways to do this, hut
there is one way so potent, so pro
nounced and self-evident that it out
ranks nil the others, and that is to
build good roads, and tints reduce the
cost of transportation from the farm
to the railway by two-thirds No less
an authority than the United States
Bureau of Agriculture finds that it
often requires one-fourth of the farm
produce to pay for carrying the whole
from the farm to the railway. The
Secretary of Agriculture says: "No
permanent prosperity will or can
come to agriculture without good
roads." The cost of hauling from the
farm to the market is three or four
times more than the cost of similar
service In Europe, and is, at least,
three times what the cost would be
here with good hard roads.—New York
Tribune. ______ t
find roads a Double Injury.
End roads work a double injury;
when the natural dirt roads are good,
the teams are usually wanted in the
fields. When the rain comes so that
the work is stopped in the fields, the
roads are often impassable. The fact
that prices are usually the best when
tile roads are the worst Is one so gen
eral and so often repeated us to bo
well known to every one. In fact, the
scant supply is due to the embargo of
laud, wluch creates a shortage iu the
market, and this increases the price.
When the roads nre good again, the
Immense quantity of produce thrown
upon the market depresses the prices.
Bad roads are, in fact, the most ex
pensive burden the farmer lins to bear.
They require twice the horsepower,
twice the time and only onc-hulf the
load as compared with good roads.
Transportation is really the great
est economic question of the age. In
no department of human activity has
there been a greater or perhaps so
great an advancement as in the rail
way transp ration in this country.
The American railways have solved
the question of the most perfect ser
vice at the least possible cost. A
modern locomotive over a modern
I track will carry from 9U.UOU to 100,000
bushels of grain in a single train. We
can boast of the best railways—and
the worst public highways—of any
country on earth. _
Met Half Wny.
Under direction from Washing
ton, a special agent of the Department
of Agriculture took up the question
of transporting road material with the
presidents of ten of the leading rail
ways in Illinois. In every case they
expressed their willingness to haul
road material for this purpose at ac
tual cost. One president said: "We
will haul it on any terms required,
and if cost isn't low .enough the far
mers may fix the tariff."
JCcwartl of Humanity.
The case under the Wild Birds' Pro
tection act at Gainsborough the other
day is hardly calculated to encourage
the protection of wild birds. A man
rescued a thrush from the hands of
some boys who were 111-treating it
and took it to his house, whereupon
he was himself summoned and mulcted
In the ensts for being In possession of
the bird.—London Truth.
THE GRACIOdSNESS OF MIRTH. _
One of the Greatest Treasures m House
hold Can Possess.
The man who labors and unselfish
ly struggles all tile long days for the
tvlfo and children and home, says the
New York Evening Post, does not
realize that If he could put into the
family treasury the richness of occa
sional hours of happy intercourse ho
would endow them more graciously
than when he bestows bis generous
wealth, The lost hilarity and gladness
of his youth would be a measureless
boon at his own fireside and endear
him to his children. Parents and chil
dren who laugh together become com
rades in a very close way and when
serious speech becomes necessary It
has far more weight and force, be
cause it Is unusual.
Anything more dismal than the or
dinary professional joker, anything
more depressing than the studiously
funny book, it is hard to find. The
temperament which lightens the fam
ily atmosphere, and becomes a provider
of oxygen to labored breathing, is
wholly unconscious of a mission and
gives forth Its healthful Influences as
the sun and the sea breeze and the
rippling water give, with the effort
less beneficence of a wholesome, vital
ly strong nature. Merriment which
is Infectious belongs to him who
has a clean heart and a wholly
true nature, whose mental environ
ment Is proof against the microbes of
distrust and deceit, and who counts
love and good faith more precious than
a fortune.
Such a temperament will triumph
over disease and disappointment and
give out his tonic antidotes against
life's ills to the last He who sleeps
at Vaillima was a marvelous example
of what I mean. And other such have
I seen, valiantly smiling while death
stood at the door, though helplessly
feeble on a long-required bed, or
standing erect, with a quenchless
cheerfulness of eye and lip, encour
aging his loved ones, even when the
summoning angel laid his hand upon
his gallant heart.
Endurance, courage, resignation.
Spartan defiance of pain, are concom
itant characteristics of our noblest
men; but when a man inflexibly de
termines to keep "that side the world
the sun's upon," and with quick kin
dling thought and gracious cheerful
ness, reflect Its light, he will add to
these the remedy for ills which comes
from a glad heart, and give to his com
panions the music of honest laughter
set to merry words.
Let us bear In mind that around a
family hoard and in the intercourse
of our daily lives wo can, without
knowing it, kill every germ of these
bright qualities in our children's
minds by enveloping them in clouds
of danger-dreading anxiety. Gradu
ally, laughter will cease to be heard
in the house, and the spectre-laying
spear of quick wit lie idle in its place.
To-day it Is not rare to see children
boys especially—of ten and twelve and
onward, keen and sharp in practice,
energetic to an annoying degree, and
perhaps boisterous in their clamor of
one sort or another, who never laugh
joyously or sincerely or attempt any
playful raillery. Home is responsible
for their unnatural hardness and ma
turity, and parental example has de
prived them of the jolly spontaneity
proper to their years.
Our human lives and mutual inter
course might well take pattern from
the lovely aspect of midsummer na
ture, whose smiling face expresses joy
even when clouds pile darkly on the
horizon. The whole earth seems lull
of jollity, and in the deep shadow of
the woods we yet hear the laughing
flow of running streams.
Tlie Art of Coloring; l'carln.
Tearls can be made of various colors
by a simple process. Each mollusk
dejiosits its own sort of nacre. The
nacre of the fresh-water mussel is
pink. Pearl oysters will produce black,
gray or pure white pearls, according
to the part of the animal where the
nucleus is lodged. At the National
museum in Washington there is an
artificial pearl of exquisite pink color
as large as a pigeon's egg.
Parisian jewelers are very clever in
the art of "peeling" pearls. They will
take a pearl that is not pretty, re
move Its outer coat and reveal a beau
tiful gem within. A pearl is composed
of alternate layers of nacre and ani
mal tissue, and the process of peeling
is very difficult. The tools employed
are a sharp knife, various sorts of
flies, pearl powder and u piece of
leather. The pearly coats are extreme
ly hard and must bo cut off piece by
piece, the operator relying more on
the sense of touch conveyed by the
blade of the knife than on the sense
of sight. Pearls found imbedded in
the mother of pearl of the oyster
shell are made marketable by skillful
treatment with acids. Experts know
how to make potlrls of any color,
black by a bath of nitrate of silver,
and by ether chemical means they can
turn them to rose color, lilac or gray.
Pearls of these unusual tints bring
fancy prices.
Slender Cadet Turner.
Senator McComas has succeeded In
having the physical disqualification of
Herman S. Turner for admission to
the Naval Academy waived, and the
young man has entered the school. 110
is considerably more than six feet tall,
but was said to weigh less than 100
pounds. He was threatened with re
jection on this account, but the Sen
ator came to his rescue and found
that Turner's father, a robust man,
i was of similar physique in his youth,
| and that there was every reason to
believe that the new cadet would de
| velop into a strong man with the
I physical training given at Annapolis.—
j Baltimore Sun.
j The milk of human kindness la too
< oftcu condensed.
TVliat Money Will Ho.
If I'd a million dollars,
Right strnight off I d surel> try
To hire a substitute to fret
About the clothes 1 buy;
He'd have to purchase all my - v i
Garb and try it on—you see, )
A wondrous lot of worry this great
Scheme would lift from me. f
—Chicago Record-llerald.
Overstocked.
"Why is it that pessimists seem to
have so much trouble V" t
"Optimists never borrow any.'
Chicago Record-llerald.
Discovered Tliero Were Others.
He (sadly)—"l can remember when
you used to say I was all the world to
you."
She—"Perhaps; hut I've studied as-
tronomy since!"— Puck.
Art Ahead of Nature.
Trained Canary—"l can draw buck
ets of water and Are off a cannon."
Toy Canary—"Pooh! Watch me. I
can make one wing go round one way
and the other wing go round the other
way."
Not Necessarily.
"Maria, your extravagance will ruin
me. Didn't you tell me before we
were married you could live comforta
bly on $lO a week?"
"Yes, but you didn't expect me to do
it, did you, John?"— Chicago Tribune.
Amiability.
"Sympathy," remarked the man who
gets sour, "doesn't do the slightest
good In the world."
"Then why did you listen to it?"
"Oil, there is no use in being ill-na
tured. It always seems to please the
person who Is extending It." /*
A Conversazione.
Stuffed Cat—"Mr. Owl, are you as
wise as you look?"
Stuffed Owl—"Goodness, no; wise
people never give themselves away
by looking wise. Say, if you get
hungry, dou't jump ou me, because
I'm half full o' cheap moth balls."
Nnturally 110 Had a Fit.
"What's the matter with the poor
fellow? Is he a victim of epilepsy?"
"No. lie has just received a tele
gram from Ills wife, who says she and
the children will start home from the
seashore next week, and she doesn't
ask him to send money to pay their
way back."
Obedient Child.
"Johnnie, your liair is wet. You've
been swimming again."
"I fell In ma!"
"Nonsense. Your clothes are per
fectly dry."
"Yes'ra. I know'd you didn't want i
me to wet 'em, so I took 'em off before V
I fell in."—Tit-Bits.
Extremes.
Mrs. Crawford—"So you haven't
found the course of lectures on cooking
you attended to he of much practical
use?"
Mrs. Crahshaw—"No, my dear. They
either told you liow to prepare terra
pin and canvas back, or else how to
live ou fifteen cents a day."—Life.
Invltll>£ Intercut.
"We must do something," said the
intellectual lady, "to get women uni
versally interested In social science."
"Well," answered the man who Is
ever ready with suggestions, "perhaps
it would be a good idea to have the
shops advertise special bargains in
works ou political economy."—Wash
ington Star.
Knew Iler IlUtory.
A small child was asked who wero
tlie survivors from the flood. v
"Noah, Sliem and Ilam," she said.
"Yes," replied her mother, "and who
else?"
The child paused for a moment in
thought. Then a brilliant idea struck
her: "And," she added, "Joan of Arc."
-Tit-Bits.
Knvy.
"Did you ever know," said Mrs.
Bllllkins, "that we have an automo
bile ?"
"Oh," replied Mrs. Kaflyppe, "is
that what you call It? I saw you
out riding Sunday, but I supposed it
was a second-hand steam roller you
might have got at a bargain some
where."—Chicago ltecord-Herald.
Little Ednu'e King.
"Where did you get your pretty ring,
Edna?" asked a visitor of a bright
four-year-old miss.
"Brother Will gave it to me," she I
answered.
"Is it a diamond?" queried the visi
tor.
"Well, I should think it ought to he,"
was the indignant retort. "It cost
thirty-nine cents."—Chicago News.
An Aside Kcmarlc.
"Here's a good one," said the man
from Denver. "What's the difference
between a pen and a pencil? Give it
up? A pen has to he driven, hut a
peucll has to be lead. See?"
"The automatic boll buoy bents 'em
both," murmured a quiet little chap
who had got on nt Cleveland. "It
rights itself."—Philadelphia Press.
Overheard In a Hammooh.
Elsie (reflectively)—" Jack gave mo
such an awfully affectionate glance
last night at the Simpsons' dinner."
Elise (horrified) "Oh, poor Elsie!
How shocking of him! What did you
do, dear?"
Elslfe (still reflectively)—"As I really
had no use for it I felt the only thing J
left to do was to return It to aim at
once."—New York Commercial Adver
tiser. ,