j S GASTORIA I | : ror Infants and Children. rASTORIA The Kind You Have \kp 23 J Always Bought ANtgetablePrcparalionforAs- q _ similating the Food andßegula- f / ling the Stomachs andßowels of JjGcirS tllG m t BESOIBi A f^tw Promotes Digestion, Cheerfu- Js lip ness and Rest.Contains neither r }p . w Opium.Morphine nor Mineral. 01 #|\ \j NOT NAHC OTIC . | I! U. IT Tiuipe afOlttJJi-StWUELPtTCIIEfI if t \#\. HmyJcui SettL" v A Jw Ihifhcth' Salts J JkpL Jn P sUtise .SWd * I a II ll & Heppemwit - ) |A 4 I \ a /// CmtiMtaleSocta * | ll ■ID flGfrpSfgd - 1 ;J| \ \ ■ Chmfiett Sugnr I J&Ja. <8 g o yoU think they have any ; breakfast up there? Mrs. Watkins says j they don't, but 1 don't really see how they git along without it. 1 know 1 ; | should feel a goneness all day without ; j breakfast. And I want you to look at me, Samuel, and see if I'm the hum ; blyest woman ever born. 1 have read ! that when we die we are changed as in | the twinklin of an eye. I hope it's so. j If it ain't, then 1 can't expect no good i times up there. Them angels will be p'intin out my lop shoulder, my big I feet and my wabbly knees and vvbis- i perin to each other that I'd better staid down on airth among the cabbages. I Nobody as knows me can call me obstl ! nate or sot, but I'll be snummed if 1 j propose to die and become an angel to I be made fun of. You'll be on my side ; about that, won't you?" Mr. Gallup heaved a long sigh and seemed about to speak, but no word j came, lie bad finished with the clothes- ; •line and struck an. article about the reasonlug powers of the crow, and the most direct question from Mrs. Gallup would have passed unheeded. Iter tears fell for two or three minutes, and then she asked: i "And how about the beds up there? j You know we've slept on a feather bed ever since we was married, and I've alius bin particular to smooth it down from head to foot. I've got used to feathers, and If I changed off I'd jest lay there and kick around all night long. Do they hev beds, Samuel, or do they keep on flyin around all night long and slngln "I've Reached My Home at j Last?" Seems to me that flyin and slngln all day would be enough unless I feel stronger than I do now. You orter know these things, Samuel, and you orter tell me so I'll know what to ; depend on. I might stand sass from a thousand angels, but I do want my own bed when night comes, and if one | of my headaches comes on unexpected ! ly I want to know that I kin hev a cup of tea. Mrs. Watkins says they don't drink tea in heaven, but I don't see | how she kin know." Mr. Gallup was not directly appealed to. and as lie was reading that a crow had been known to feign fleath to avoid having a crowbar thrown at him he made no sign. "Waal, I've made up my mind to a I few things," said Mrs. Gallup as the si- I lence grew painful. "I'm goin up to heaven to do the best I kin. I'll be | nayburly with all the angels I meet and let 'em understand that I don't want no more'n my share of harps and j wings and things. If I don't find any l thin to eat or any beds to sleep on. I shan't raise no fuss nor go into hyster ics, the way Mrs. Taylor did at camp , meetin last year. Yes; I'll put up with | things as I find 'em and make the best I of it, and I won't be jealous if a few of I 'em hev better clothes on or kin sing better'n me. That's how I'll act, Sam uel, and then if they pick on me they'll i gil as good as they give. I kin be | sassed and picked on jest so fur, but | arter that they want to look out. Would it put you out any, Samuel, if I ; died at night instead of in the daytime? As I said, if I died at night I could slip Into heaven without any fuss, but if it's goin to make you any extra trouble I I'll perish by daylight. What will be ; the most convenient hour fur you?" I There was deep silence. Mrs. Gal | lup's teajs made no thud as they fell ; upon the carpet, and Mr. Gallup was | reading with bated breath that an os trich covers 13 feet of ground at every stride when in full flight. The clock | ticked, the silence grew deeper, and the cricket on the hearth fell into a doze. Then Mr. Gallup suddenly laid aside his paper, stretched his arms and legs, with a "Ho-huin!" and looked around to find Mrs. Gallup asleep in her chair. She hadn't gone to join the angels—not yet. M. QUAD. THE KING OF HANDCUFFS. How Harry Houilinl, American, Sur prined the llritlnh. I When Ilarry lloudini, the American king of handcuffs, arrived in England, he tried to arrange for an exhibit of his skill at Scotland Yard, but the authorities refused to allow him an opportunity of putting on or taking off' official handcuffs, says London M. A. 1\ So, accompanied by a skeptical London manager, he paid an ordinary i call as an American visitor to the police headquarters. Mr. Houdini, after making the usual remarks on everything he saw and heard, casually asked a question about a pair of hand cuffs. The guide took them down and answered: "Oh, these are handcuffs impossible to remove." lloudini was greatly interested, and the incident closed b>' the American i visitor requesting his guide to lock the ! handcuffs on his wrists. Then he ; turned his back und succeeded in get ting them off in a couple of minutes. , One of Houdinl's strangest adven tures happened at a big hotel In St. Paul, Minn., where be was very well known. To his surprise, he found that a couple of men occupying the rooms on either side of his own appeared to he mounting guard over him. At first he only suspected this, but after a few , days he was perfectly sure that one or the other of his neighbors shadowed ids every movement. One afternoon, I when Houdini was sitting in his own room, he heard the sound of scuffling outside the door. Flinging it open, he discovered his two unknown friends grasping a third man, who had evi dently been wearing a long dark cape j that was dragged on one side, showing ! that he was heavily handcuffed. ; "We're a couple of detectives, Mr. | Houdini," panted one of the men. ! "This fellow made his escape from jail j some days ago. We knew that be wouldn't dare to go to a locksmith to get his handcuffs removed, and we suspected that he might come to you." Sunday Hahlta. The average man does himself so much harm on Sunday that he docs I not recover until the following Wednes day. In the first place, he loafs around the house, instead of being ac tive. ns on weekdays. In the next place, he eats ids breakfast later than usual, and ills dinner earlier, and the result is that he is knocked out until Wednesday. The best thing to do on Sunday is to eouforri to your usu: I habits as much as possible.—Atchison Globe. A Poller From the Small Hoy. I Mamma—Don't boil tliose canned pous, Bridget. They only want to be warmed. Little Tommy—Mamma, peas can't I talk, ran they? I Mamma—Of course not, dear. Why? , ! Little Tommy—Then how do you know what they want?— Philadelphia j Press. j A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one, no more ! right to say a rude thing to another ! than to knock him down. '! The first time a man Is appoitKed on 1 a "committee" he Is very ppt to think [ his position a very important one.— ' I Atchison Globe. p Not at Half-Price i Nor Below Cost 8 are our goods sold. We j* couldn't remain in busi ness long if we followed anything else but busi ness methods. We sell | Shoes for Men, Women and Children, | Hats and Caps for Men and Boys, B Furnishings for Men and Boys, j* A at prices which are as A cheap, and quite frequent ly cheaper, than others A ask for the same quality. q Give us a trial purchase A and let us convince you A that here is a store where Jj your money can be spent nx to your advantage. li H V 0X £ McMENAMIN'S 0X - X Gents' Furnishing, 5; Hat and Shoe Store, 0X X X 86 South Centre Street. H X 0 0X X*XOXOXOXOXOXOX*XOXOXOXOX#XOXO%OXtXOXOXjrXOXfiX*XO O\pXOXOXOXOXOXO%OXyi%.O*OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO*O*O\O\ £ xn Slate hm lm East StroiuUburff, Pa. Tho Winter term of this popular institution for the training- of teachers opens J n. UHll. This practical training seliool for touchers is located in the most healthful ami charming part of the state, within the great summer rt sort region of the state, on the main line of tho I). L. & W. Kail road. Unexcelled facilities; Music, Elocutionary, College Preparatory, Sewing ami .Modeling departments. Superior faculty; pupils coached free; pure mountain water; rooms furnished through out: (lOt)I) BOARDING A RECOGNIZED FEATURE. We are the only normal school that paid the state aid in full to uil its pupils this spring term. Write for a catalogue and full information while this advertisement is before you. We have something of interest for you. Address, fSKO. P. 11l OLE. A. M.. Principal. \ The Gure that Cures 7 Coughs, & \ Colds, j |) Grippe, (k \ Whooping Cough, Asthma, 1 Bronchitis and Incipient jl jj' Consumption, Is fotlo'sl Q The German remedy* £ *T Wwoslt at\4 \vit\n J Wilkes-Bar re Record Is the Best Paper iti Northeastern Pennsylvania.... It contains Complete Local, Tele graphic and (ieneral News. Prints only the News that's fit to Print... 50 Cents a Month, ADDRESS. $0 a Year by Mail The Record, or Carriers WILKES-BARRE. p. Condy 0. Boyle, dealer In LIQUOR, WINE, BEER, PORTER, ETC. The finest brands of Domestic and Imported Whiskey on sale. Fresh Rochester and Shen andoah Beer and Porter on tap. 08 Centre street. Boat Cough Syrup. Tamos Good. Use M In time. Sold by drtißclnt?. •* nAi_hOAD 7 IIViE I AtiLLb Lehigh valley kailkoah November 26, 19U0. AKHANULMENT OK i'AHHfcMlfch i It A IMb LEAVE Fit ICELAND. ' b 12 a m for Weutberly, Aluuch Chunk, Ailcniown, bcilileliein, Eustou, Phila delphia and New 7 oik. ' 7 40 u m loi buhuy Uun, White Huveh. Wilkes-Barre, Pit Ist on ami scranion. i 'lB a ui lor iiuzlelou, Mulmuoy Lily, > sheuunuouh, Ashiunu. Weatherly, Niuuch Chunk. Audio wn, lk-ihiebein. . Eusiou, i'liiiudciphtu uLid New \ ork. [ .iO a in lor Huzlctou, Aiuhunoy City, Sin n- uudoab, t. Curiuei, Sbuiuukiu and [ 2Mp iu lor Bandy ituu, White Haven, W likes-liar re, Scruulou and all points W eat. A 20 |> in lor Weutberly, Munch Chunk, Al icniowu, Rcihicheui, haston, Philadel phia uuu New \ ork. . 42 i ui lor iiuzlelou, Mulianoy City, Shen andoah, Mi. Cuniiel, Shauioklii and I'oLLaville, Weatherly, Munch I lunik, Alientowii, Bethlehem, Law ion, Phila delphia ui■<] New l ork. 34 P iu lor Bandy Kun, White Hu\en, Wilkes-Bar re, serauiou and ull point# t 29 pui lor liitzletou, Mulianoy City, Shen andoah, Mi. CwimcJ uud Shuiuukin. i AitltlVK AT CHEELAND. 7 40 a in troui Weatherly, Cottaville, Asli jand, Sbouuudottii, Muhunoy City and d 17 u m from Philadelphia, Easton, Hcthle heui, Allentowu, Maucli A hunk, Weuth eriy, iiuzlelou. Muliunoy City, Sheuan douii, Ait. C'urinel auu sliauiokin. ' 30 u in iroiii scruuton, W likes-Burro and White Haven. 12 14 p in iroiu Pottsville, Shamokin, Mt. Cariuel, Muhunoy City and iiuzlelou. 1 12 P in lroin New Vork, Philadelphia, Kublon, Bethlehem, Alientowii, Mauch Chunk aud Weatherly. 4 42 p in Iroiu scrauton, Wilkes-Burro and >V hite iiaveu. 3 34 l> ui iroiu New York, Philadelphia, Euston, iiethlehein, Alientowii, I'otts viile, Shuinokin, Mt. Cariuel, Shenan doah, Muliunoy City unu Huzicton. 7 29 1 ui from Scruuton, Wilkes-Hurru ami White iiaveu. for lurther intorination inquire of Ticket \ gents .UL.CIN H.WI LUCK, General Superintendent, 2b Cortluudt street. New York City. CHAS. S. LLE. Generui Passenger Agent, 21. Cortiandt Street New York City. G. J.GILDItuY, Division Superintendent, Huzletou, Pa. iiJK DkLAWAKK, SUBQIJEHANNA AND KCHUVLKILL KAILKOAD. I Time table iu eflect April 18, 1897. Trains leave Drlftou lor Jeddo, Kekiey, Hazle | brook, Sfbckton, Heaver Meadow Hoad, Koan j and ilazlcton Junction at & 30, i 00 a in, daily I Acept Sunday; and 708 a ni, 238p m, Sunday, 'i rains leave Drilton for Jiarwood,Cranberry, i oinhieken and Deriuger at 6 30, 8 uu a in, daily oxoept Sunday; and 703 a in, 238 p m, Sun 'irains leave Drifton for Oneida Junction, tiarwood Itoad, Humboldt ltoud, Oneida uud heppton at 600 a m, daily except Sun day; and 703 a m,2 38 pm, Sunday, i raiiis leave Hazleton Junction for Harwood, runberry, Tomhickun and Deriuger at 836 a n, daily except Sunday; and 8 53 a m, 4 22 p m, Sunday. Trains leave Hazleton Junction for Oneida Junction, Garwood itoad, Humboldt Itoad, Oneida and Sheppton at 0 02.1110 a m, 44J p in, daily except Sunday; and 787 a in, 311 pm. umday. Trains leave Deriuger for Tom hick n, Cran berry, Hai wood, Hazleton Junction and 'loan it 2 25, 540 pm, duily except Sunday; ana :• 87 a m, 6 0? p m, Buuduy. Triune leave sheppton for Oneida, Humboldt itoad, Harwood ltoud, Oneida Junction, Hazle ton J unction a* d ltoan at 711 am, 12 40, 622 p m, duily except Sunday; and 8 1J a m, 3 44 p m, Sunday. Trains leave Sheppton for Rearer Meadow Itoad, Stockton. Hazle Brook, Kckley, Jeddo and Drilton at 6 22 p m, duily, except Sunday; and 8 11 a in, 3 4-1 p ni, Sunday. Trains leave Hazleton Junction for Beaver Meadow Itoad, Stockton, Hazle Brook, Eokley, Jeddo and Drifton at 5 45, 020 p in, daily, except Sunday; and 10 10 a in, 5 40 p ui, Sunday. ! All trains connect at Hazleton Junction with 1 | electric ears tor Hazleton, .1 eanesvilie, Auden ( rled and other points on the Traction Com- I t-any's line. Trains leaving Drifton at 5 80, 8 00 a ui niaki com motion at Dci ingvi with IV It. Ji i rail s < : Wilkeaharre, Hunbury llarrisbiirv - MO T OIT.I Cor the accommodation of pu*Mcrigcr> at , stations between Huzleloi Junction and ! • < tnger, a train will leave the former point u ;i0 p m, daily, except Sunday, arriving Derlngrer atoo p m. 1 LUTUfiK 0. SMITH, Superintendeat,