SHORT NEWS STORIES.'! W "Dry Dollar*' an si Pasn Getter—When llrjuu Hit tile 11:*II—Totvne's -New Title. Senator Tim Sullivan, as a procurer ! of railroad passes from even the most parsimonious of railroads, is without an equal. lie has the ability to get at the 1 right men in the railroad offices while other political 1. adors stand and kick their toes in the anterooms of private secretaries. Here is a little incident of the way iu which the senator works things to the benefit of his constituents who may either want to travel or who have a friend who does, and who objects to paying the regular railroad schedule. The senator handed to the proper party at one of the railroad offices the other day a list of names of men to whom lie wished passes Issued. There were about 30 of them I In all. "Oh. I say. senator, isn't this putting | it a little strong." asked he to whom the list was presented. "There are 30 names h; t.. Bryan felt interest ed iu the game and wished that he, too, could be out upon the links. One day the tempter came to him in the shape of a visitor with a bag of golf clubs. Bryan examined the outfit with much interest. Film fly the visitor placed the little white ball upon the ground and taking a club in hi., hand showed Bryan how to wing and drive the ball. Bryan glance ! around. No one was looking. Lie took the club in his hand, made one or two preliminary motions and then struck the ball. It soared in to the air with a whiz and landed some-- where In the next county. A look of .conscious pride came over Bryan's face. "You see," lie said, "I can do it." "Why don't you play?" asked his vis itor. Bryan shook his head. "I can't," he said. It wouldn't do. They would make fun of me all over the country. If I wa n't a presidential candidate"— The rest of the sentence was not completed, 1 nit it indicated that what Bryan would do to a golf ball would be a-plenty.—Washington Letter. Towne's \i* xv Title. Minnesota's new senator, Charles A. Townc, tci! a lory about his first ex poriences as a wearer of the toga. lie received a telegram early one morning in Duluth, ami op ling it found he had been appointed senator and had been requested to go to Washington as soon as p> ible. He resolved to leave at once and stopping to his residence teh-pii no called up the head baggage smasher of a certain railroad. "Hello," said Mr. Towue In a busi nesslike way. "Hello, senator," was the quick re sponse. "I was taken off my feet for a mo ment," said Senator Townc in telling about tie* incident, "for he was the first to use my new title, and I had for gotten tit 1 bad u right to be so desig nated. He knew me so well that he knew my voice." The Pprls National library, which has today over 3,000,000 volumes, was opened in HM.", with 1,300 volumes, it Includes today, among other things, about 280,000 volumes relating to French hictory and 011,000 volumes re lating to die history of other coun tries. Mr. Augustine Washington—A very good morning to you, friend Lee! By ilie way, I want to tell you the smart- : est thing my little 3-year-old Georgle got uIT Friend Lee--I am indeed sorry, but this is my car! Another time- Thus does a malignant fate forestall our historians and throw them back upon the resources of their own more 5r less vivid Imaginations.—Puck. JtiMt Cuu.ie For Conceit. tP It J ssf Bear—What are you so stuck up about? Bunny—Why. two men wore shot with a bullet meant for me.—New York .Journal. A Serious Mutter. Citiman—Does .Jenkins live out your way? He's certainly a suburbanite. Subbubs—Why so evidently? Citiman—Because every time I meet him he's got some funny story about ids inability to get a servant girl who i will stay more than a week. , Subbubs—He can't be a suburbanite, j then. If he were, he wouldn't joke • about it. Catholic Standard and Times. "Moral Suasion.'* Wltherby Blitherby had a great plan for punishing his son. lie got u heavy whip, and every time the boy was bad lie was going to hold out his hand and have the lad strike him instead of pun ishing the youngster in the usual way. Slitherby—How did it work? Wltherby—Blltherby's hand is so sore that he can't spank the boy for whack ing him so hard.—Baltimore American. The Pioneer. "I don't think much of this idee of dramatizin novels," said Mr. Jason, who thought it would be the proper tiling to talk theatricals to the city vis itor. "For the land's sakes! Jlst listen at you, Jeliiel!" exclaimed Mrs. Jason. "You know you ain't missed 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' in the last 30 year."—ln dianapolis Press. A I,ufty Genius. "I am afraid," said Mr. Stormington Barnes, "that the public of today does not appreciate high art." "Doesn't eh!" responded the blunt cit izen. "You jest git up in a trapeze and do a few spins like the feller that was j here with the circus, an you'll see j whether we don't appreciate high art ■ or not"—Washington Star. A Commercial Anpcct. "Leeland made me feel foolish when he proposed to me last night." "Got on his knees and delivered a prepared oration?" "No; he went about it in such a busi ness way that I couldn't tell for awhile whether he wanted me to be his wife or his confidential clerk." Denver News. Too ImliilKfiit. Wife—l don't see why you sneer at Mr. Goodhart because he's so shabby. Clothes don't make the man, you know. Husband -No, but his wife's clothes often break a man. I sneer at Good hart because lie's fool enough to be that sort of man. Philadelphia Record. HIM I snri! Threat. Hetty—l think Tom loves me with all his heart. Why, he actually threatened to shoot himself if I did not look upon him with favor. Bertha—How like Tom! That's what he always says. Funny, isn't it?— Bo ston Transcript. He Wn Rluht. Mr. Newly wed—l actually believe you like my pet poodle better than you do me. Mrs. Newly wed—Nonsense, George! You know 1 would do as much for you as I would for the dog.—Ohio State Journal. Irreverence. The Parent—My boy, do you want me to tell you what happens to boys who tell lies? The Boy—Yes, pop; but, golly, can you remember back that far? —Youkers Statesman. Conditional. "Will you pull through the holidays all right?" "I'll pull through all right if my fa ther's leg doesn't give way."—Denver News. The I'aralyniM of Fear. She saw the danger coming, and she gave a little cry As, tilled with npprt-in u.icns grave, she tried to turn and Hy; But, though she did her best to run, she found that she could not; TJiough terror bade her hasten, she was rooted to the spot. And so she* gave up trying, for whatever was the use? No matter what might happen she had surely an She stood quite still and closed her eyes and al most held her breath, Like some unfeeling Stoic calmly waiting for his death. Then all at once it happened, and she opened wide her eyes And, blushing, gazed to right and left in innocent surprise. "Oh, Mr. Spn- ns," she faltered, while she let hei lushes fall, "I didn't #i.. that horrid sprig of mistletoe at all!" I —JVilLiun Dunbar Vincent in .llrouklyn Life. BRANDS OF CIGARS. New One* Come mill Ho, Like the I'ltMU'i'N of Spring, "What becomes of all the different brands of cigars which are placed upon the market each year?" said a Wash ington cigar dealer. "Well, that's a question which is easier put than an swered. "I carry a large stock of cigars, and I have on my shelves over 50 different ; brands of cigars which sell wholesale for : $35 a thousand and. retail for 5 cents. I have over 25 different brands of 10 j cent cigars and a dozen or so different brands of the higher grade cigars re spectively. "This is an appetizing array to the pro- j fessional smoker and affords an almost unlimited choice. The launching of a j 1 new brand of cigars upon the market is ! an expensive undertaking and one which I l is attended with more or less risk. It j takes a lot of capital, because cigars, | i and new brands of smoking tobacco, for j that matter, require a lot of persistent I and costly advertising. The maker must ' compel his new buyers to give up some Dther brand for his, and in order to ac | coinplish this he must offer an induce | ment to attract the smoker. | "By advertising lie gets a smoker to i say, 'l'll try this new brand of the grade I smoke.' If he likes it, he may stick to it. If not. he wanders off to another or back to his old favorite. Men will swear by a certain brand for six months and then abandon it forever for another in a day. The dealer, if he is interested in introducing a new brand, will coax a cus tomer to 'try' it, hut the main reliance is in advertising and in putting up a good grade of tobacco for the price. The maintaining of the same grade year in , and year out, however, is another mat tor, ami I have seen the demand for a popular brand fall off right away as soon as an inferior tobacco is used A smoker will say concerning it: 'That's no good | now. Give tne another brand.' "A happy choice of name has a great deal to do with the success of a cigar, , and it is for this reason that makers use the names of popular stage favorites, statesmen and others. Sometimes a new i brand will not take at nil, and the makers retire it or substitute another name. Others catch popular fancy at once, and enormous* sales are made from the start. Certain cigars sell well in one city and ! not ut all in another."-—Washington Star. HUNTING THE COON. The Excitement ComeH After the Lively Atiiiiiul IN Treed. I' "Did you ever go on a coon hunt?" said a resident of Richmond at the Fifth Avenue hotel the'other day. "It's really very exciting and well worth trying. You hunt them after dark, and the coon in variably covers a good stretch of terri tory before being compelled to take to a tree. It is almost half an hour to an hour from the time the coon is first start ed to the time he is compelled to take to the tree. The dogs go off on the coon's trail, and you follow after as fust us possible. "When the pace gets too hot. the coon takes to the highest tree lie can find, and the dogs see that lie stays there until the hunters come up. Usually the coon is at the top of the highest tree in tlmt part of the country, and up it a mountaineer promptly climbs, with the speed and agility of his simian ancestor. If he can get at the coon, the coon usually finds it j out first and, transforming himself into a I parachute, sets sail for the earth beneath. ! I'll bet even money you can chuck a coon ' off the top of the highest building, and he'll alight on the ground unhurt. No matter how high the tree, he invariably lands safely. "After lie strikes earth, however, it is different. There is at once a mixture of growls, snarls ami short harks, und then ensues as fast and game a fight as one could wish to see. When it is over, what is left of the coon is hung on the end of a stick, and the party goes off after another one or home, as the case may he. Sometimes, though, the coon will get out on a limb where a man dares not follow him, and then the tree has to be chopped down. Then it's about an even chance that the coon may get into another tree before lie can he killed. "When the coon is treed, it's a weird sight. There you all are in the center of a woodland, the dark of night lighted only by the pine torches carried by the party. The negroes are grouped around, their glistening eyes turned upward in the at tempt to catch a first glimpse of his coon i ship. The yelping circle of dogs at the | tree's base completes the picture. It's ! mighty good sport, coon hunting, and if it conies your way I should advise you to take it in."—New York Tribune. Not a Good Place to Tie a Doff. A countryman who was walking along Broad street the other morning is won dering whether or not he can sue the Southern railway on account of damages to a cur dog which some one had just given him. The man stopped to talk to a friend while the gates were closed to allow a train to pass the Brood street crossing. He tied his dog to the end of the railroad , gate while he walked off to get a drink. 1 When he returned a few minutes later, : the gates had been raised and his dog i was hanging 40 feet in the air at the end i of the swing gate, struggling in the Inst throes of death. The man tried to make j the gateman understand what was the i matter, but didn't succeed until he pulled J him out of his box and showed him the dog hanging at the end of his rope. The dog was past resuscitation when he was finally lowered to the ground, and the countryman wanted to fight the gate- Ciun.—Louisville Courier-Journal. Needed In Every Home. When he reached home, he opened the | package lie was carrying and displayed a number of placards, some of which read | "For Show" and the others "For Use." i "There!" he exclaimed triumphantly, "I flatter myself I have solved the prob- I lem." ! "Solved the problem!" she repented. "What problem? What in the world do yon intend to do with those cords?" "I am going to give them to you." he i replied, "so that you can put them on I the various sofa pillows scattered about i the house." -Chicago Post. Abroad. I Miss Borde-—Oh, horrors! Hero comes 1 j Miss Tauklotz! She's been abroad, j Miss Sharps—Yes, any one could tell that: she's got a broad grin on her face, j —New York Mail and Express. Cnnlloyeil Joy. I 1 1 "There is no jo.v," says the office philos opher, "equal to that of the browbeaten clerk who tiuds out his employer is ken peeked."—Exchange. ROUND THE REGION. E. L. Fuller has purchased the entire interest of the Newton Coal Company. These mines include 1,500 or more acres and extend from the Clear Spring col liery, at Pittston, to the Itabylon break- < er, at Old Forgo. There are three ' breakers, the Seneca, Phoenix and Col umbia. The distance occupied by the company is something over two miles. Operations will be conducted under the name of the Seneca Coal Company. Ileeont experiments show that all | classes of foods may be completely di- j gestod by a preparation called Ivodol Dyspepsia Cure, which absolutely digests what you eat. As it is the only combi nation of all the natural digostants ever devised the demand for it has become enormous. It has never failed to cure the very worst cases of indigestion and it always gives instant relief. Drover's City drug store. "Failing to find relief from the grip with old methods, 1 took Dr. Miles' Pain Pills, Nervine and Nerve and Liver Pills and was permanently cured."— Gust. Egan, Jackson, Mich. Policeman Owen Hughes was shot at Wilkesbarre Friday evening while try ing to arrest two tramps. He had them both in custody and was ringing in an I alarm for the patrol, when one of them ! drew a revolver and fired. The officer I turned just in time and the bullet went | through his arm. Both tramps escaped. | A powerful engine cannot be run with j a weak boiler, and we can't keep up the I strain of an active life with a weak stomach: neither can we stop tin* human ! machine to make repairs, li the stom ach cannot digest enough food to keep ! the body strong, such a preparation as j Kodol Dyspepsia Cure should be used, j It digests what you eat and it simply I can't help hut do you good, drover's ; Cltv drug store. Among the victims of the grip epidemic | now so prevalent, F. Coyle is now re covering at Canton, 0., by the use of Dr. Miles' Nervine and Pills. George and Milton Vanocker, two youngsters, are the first victims of a coasting accident in Pittston the present winter. While enjoying the sport on Union street hill they lost control of their sled and it dashed into an approach ing car. Milton went tinder the car and was caught by. the truck. An arm and one leg wore broken. There is always danger in using coun terfeits of DeVVitt's Witch Hazel Salve. The original is a safe and certain cure for piles. It Is a soothing and healing salve for sores and all skin diseases. Orover's City drug store. "After suffering for two months from a severe attack of grip I found quick re lief and a lasting euro by using l)r. Miles' Nervine, I'aln Pills and Heart Cure."—Harry Abbott, Cincinnati, Ohio. In No. 0 breaker of the Erie Coal Com pany It was discovered that an Italian woman, dressed in hoy's clothes, was engaged there as a slate picker. While the breaker boys were playing tliev knocked off her hat, and a long mass of flowing hair fell from her head. She is said to bo a married woman with two children. Oentlemen, for hats and caps go to A. Oswald. He has a nice variety. Hot temperance drinks, at Helper's. One Fare to Washington, l>. C. And return via the Lehigh Valley Railroad. On account of the inaugura tion ceremonies at Washington, the Le high Valley Railroad will sell tickets to that point and return March 1. 2 and 3. at the low rate of one fare for the round trip. These tickets will he good to re turn to March 8. Inclusive, and will be honored on any train except the Black Diamond express. Stop-over allowed at Philadelphia and Baltimore, by deposit of ticket, provided ticket is used within original limit. For further particulars consult Lehigh Valley ticket agents. Tliut Brntc. "After I have been working in the kitchen for half an hour," said she, "I don't have any appetite." The hateful wretch turned over and over with his fork the mourning bordered steak that represented 40 miuutes o? a woman's life gone forever and remark ed, "I don't wonder."—lndianapolis Press. She Whs Held Pp. Paterfamilias—Why didn't you come when I called? The Daughter—l was held up. Paterfamilias—You don't mean— The Daughter—Not so loud, papa; GeArge is in the parlor.—Ohio State Jour nal. PLEASURE. February 20. —Cantata, entitled "The World for Christ," at P. M. church. !• nil sireel. Tickets, 15 cents. Dyspepsia Cure Digests what you eat. If. artilicially digests the food and aids Nature in strengthening and recon structing the exhausted digostive or gaus. It isthe latest discovereddigest ant and tonic. No other preparation can approach It in efficiency. It In stantly relievesand permanently cures Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Heartburn, Flatulence, Sour Stomach, Nausea, Sick Headache, Gastralgia,Cramps and ail other results of imperfect, digestion. PrlcaSOc. and St. Lnrgp sizocontnlnß 2VI times small size. Book all about dyspopsiumuiledfree Prepared by E. C. DeWlll A CO, Cb'cago- Grover's City Drug Store. ZPIR/IISTTIHSr Gr I Promptly Done at the Tribune Office. | Not at Half-Price \ | Nor Below Cost \ 0 are our goods sold. We \ ** couldn't remain in busi- \ ** ness long if we followed \ L anything else but busi- V ness methods. We sell Shoes for Men, Women and Children, B Hats and Caps for Men and Boys, B Furnishings for Men and Boys, S at prices which are as K cheap, and quite frequent ly cheaper, than others 5* ask for the same quality. Give us a trial purchase and let us convince you 2! that here is a store where your money can be spent 5* to your advantage. ma * 0 aw V B McMENAMIN'S is Gents' Furnishing, H Hat and Shoe Store, 0A ' S* 86 South Centre Street. A0 , rf* A0 r> ' AOAO AOAO\O A 0 Ao\a\ a^oAoAo\o\o OAOAOAOAOAOAO%OAOAO%OAOAOAOAOAOAOXP\OAOAOAOAOAO%O\ k Knot SI rotiui'|£ l *""i'}t. The Winter term of this popular institution for tin- training of teachers opens .1 >n. I'.HM. This practical training school for teachers is located in the most healthful ami charming parr of the state, within the great summer resort region of the state, on the main line of the I). L. \ U'. Railroad. t'nexcelled facilities; Music, Elocutionary, College Preparatory, Sewing ami Modeling departments. Superior faculty; pupils coached free; pure mountain water; rooms furnished through out; COOL) BOARDINC A HECODNIZEL) EE AT CHE. We are the only normal school that paid the state aid in full to ail its pupils ttiis spring Write for a catalogue and full information while this advertisement is before you. We liuve something of Interest lot you. Address, CEO. P. BIBLE. A. M.. Principal. \ The Cure that Gures I Coughs, K \ Colds, J I) Grippe, \ Whooping Cough, Asthma, 1 Bronchitis and Incipient A Consumption, is f OjlO's I ) THE GERMAN REMEDY* \ A\seases. J MO™ a\\ 258^50^4/1 Wilkes-Barre t^ecord Is the Best Paper iti Northeastern Pennsylvania.... It contains Complete Local, Tele graphic and (leaeral News. Prints only the News that's fit to Print... 50 Cents a Month, Aooness. $6 a Year by Mail Xhe Record, or Carriers WILKES-BARR E , PA. Condy 0. Boyl@, dealer In LIQUOR, WINE, BEER, PORTER, ETC. The finest, brands or Domestic and Imported Whiskey on sale. Fresh Rochester and Shen andoah Beer and Youngling'* Porter on tap. 98 Centre street. RAiLnOaD timetables LEHIGH VALLEY KAILKOAD. November 2ft, 1900. AIIHANoh.MI.NT Of I'ASSKNGKH TRAINS. LEAVE FHE ELAND. 6 12 u in lor Weatherly, Mauch Chunk, Allcutowu, liolhiehciu, Euston, Phila delphia uini New lurk. 7 40 u in lor Suudy liun. White Haven, W likes-Burn-, i'iitsioii and scrunton. 8 18 u in lor HuzJciou, Muliuuoy City, Sheimudoub, Abb I una, Weatherly, Aiaueb Chunk, Allcutowu, Bethlehem, Eusion, i'hiiudelphiu und New York. oO a in lor Jluzletoii, Mubuuo} City, bheu- Hiidouh, .t. cunuel, Miiuuokiu and I'ottHVillc. .2 t4 | m lor Sandy Hun, White Haven, \V likes-Hurre, scruutou and all points i 20 P ni lor Weatherly, Munch Chunk, Al leiitown, ilciiiichcin, Huston, Philudel- I'liiH Mini Mew York. . 42 p in lor liuzietoii, Muliunoy City, Sheu uudouh, Mi. Cariuel, Shuiuokin und i'ottsvillc, V\ euihcrly, Mauch Chunk, Alientown, liethlobeui, Euslou, Phila > 34 p in lor Suiidy Hun, White Haveu, Wilkes-Baric, ocraiitoii und ull points . 29 p in for Huzleton, Mahunoy City, Shen andoah, ML. Curiuui and Shuuiokui. AHHiVE AT FEEELAMD. 7 40 a in fruui Weatherly, i'ottsvillc, Ash land, bheiiuiidouh, Muhaiioy City und m Irwin New York, Philadelphia, Hasten, licthleheiu, Allontown, l'otts viHe, Shaiuokiu, Mt. Cariuel, Sheiiun douh, Muliuuoy City and Hazleton. 7 29 p ni from Scruntoii, Wilkcs-Barrc and \N hite llaveu. For tun her information inquire of Ticket \ gents. ■ uI.LIN U.Wl LHUH,GeneralSuperintendent, -U C'ortlandt street. New York City. Oil AS. S. LEE. General Passenger Agcht, 2C Cortlandr Street. New York City. Q. J. GILDHOY, Division Superintendent, liuzlcton, Pa. I" HE DELAWARE, SUSQUEHANNA AND {SCHUYLKILL RAILROAD. J Time table in effect April 18,1897. Traius leave Dritton lor Jeddo, Kekley, Hazle lU'ouK. btoukton, Beaver Memluw Head, Koan alio Maxleion Junction at b;iu, (1 uu a in. daiiv except Holiday; and 7 U3 a in. 2 ; p m, Sunday. trumalcavo Liriitou fur H urwood, Cranberi y. I omhicken and Ueringer al 5 3U, 6 OU a ui, daily except Sunday; and 7UI a in, 2;i# p m , Suu- Traina leave Drlfton for Oneida Junction, ttti wood Hoad, l.umboldt Hoad, Oneida and diepptou at 000 aw, daily except Sun lJAr ' 2 38 p in, Sunday. 1 rains leave lluzletou Junction forllarwood, Lrauberry, Tonihickeii and Deringer at 0 35 a •n, uaily except Sunday; and b 53 a m, 4 22 p m. Sunday. H ' Trains leave Ha/.leton Junction for Oneida Junction, Harwood Hoad, Humboldt Hoad Oneida and Sheppton ut 0 ;>2, 11 10 a m, 4 41 p m daily except Sunday; and #37 a m, 311 u m' Minday. ' Trains leave Deriuger for Tomhick -n, Cran berry, Hai wood, Hazleton Junction and Hoan at 2 Zo, 5 40 p ra, daily except Sunday; ana '• 37 a in, 5 07 p in, Sunday. Trams leave Sheppton for Oneida, Humboldt Hoad, Harwood Hoad, Oneida Junction, Hazle ton Junction and Koau at 7 11 a in, Li 40, P ra, daily except Sunday; and 8 11 a m. 3 44 P m. Sunday. • Trains leave Sheppton for Heaver Meadow Hoad, Stockton, llazle Brook, Eckley, Jeddo a,ll i Pfj on at /' ~~ P m dally, except Sunday; and sll a in,. 44 p ni, Sunday. Trains leave Hazleton Junction for Heaver Meadow Hoad, Stockton, Hazle Brook, Eckley. Joddo and Drlfton at 5 46, 6 2ti p m, dailv i except Sunday; and 10 10 a m, 5 40 p m, Sunday.' i All trains connect at Hazleton Junction with electric curs for Hazletou, Jeanesville, Auden ried and other points on the Traction Com pany's line. Trains leaving Drlfton at 5 IK), 6 00 a m make connection at Deriugor with P. H. H. trains for west ' 8 6 ' uurj ' "wriaburg and points For the accommodation of passengers at way stations between Hazleton Junction and Der- I '"Jf. 01 '- a ,r " l . , l 1 wii ' 'cave the former point at Dttt^|-p e S >ePt SULd " J ' * rrlTl " LUTIftfR c. SMITH, Superintendent,