FREELAND TRIBUNE. ZiU'cllshei 1888. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY. WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY. BY TBI TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited. Orrici: MAIN STREET ABOVK CENTRE. I LONO DISTANCE TELEPHONE. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. FREELAND.— The TRIBUNE is delivered by carriers to subscribers iu Free) and at the rate ; of IZX cents a mouth, payable every two : months, or $1.50 a year, payable in advance. | The TRIBUNE may bo ordered direct from the ! carriers or from the office. Complaints of ! Irregular or tardy delivery service will receive j prompt attention. BY MAIL.— The TRIBUNE is sent to out-of- : town subscribers for $1.50 a year, payable in advance; pro rata terras for shorter periods, i The date when tho subscription expires is on ! the address label of each paper. Prompt re ■ewals must be made at the expiration, other wise the subscription will be discontinued. Entered at tho Postofllce at Freeland, Pa., as Second-Class Matter. Make all money orders, checks, etc., payable to ■Pie Tribune Printiny Company, Limited. FREELAND, PA., JANUARY 10, 1901. i The Story of a Mean Man. r This is the story of a mean man. He may not be the meanest on record, but be carries a very fair brand of close flstednesu. He had a contract to sup ply a certain amount of crushed stone. The machine he used could turn out all the work he could get by running eight hours a day. The mean man had an engineer who was a genius. The genius went to his employer one day and said he thought he could make some Improvements in that machine so It would do more work In less time. The genius was puid I#' the month. He worked on the machine for sever al days, taking it apart and putting it together again. When reconstructed, It proved to have greater efficiency than before, so much so that It did the aamo amount of work In one minute and a half that It used to take four and a half to do. The mean man, however, could get 110 more contracts than before. He could All all his orders by running about three hours a day. The mean man then went to the genius and said: "Bee here, Henry, I've been paying you by the month, but there Isn't as much work as there used to be—not enough to keep you busy. I shall have to pay you by the hour after this." Henry demurred. He had been too faithful, but he didn't think that ought to reduce his earnings over one-half. His employer was firm, however, and Henry resigned.—New York Mall and Bxprcss. Aa Kip.rlm.nl In Junrnallnm, Once there was a really radical pa per, In London it was, hut the man who made It now lives here and tells the tale. It was one of those papers which are a tragedy. They represent the wreck of the enthusiasm of strong men who must And the outlet for their apostolate. This paper began by being at odds with all that was established, and It had readers. But as time went on the man who made the paper drove ofT singly and In groups all those who had begun by being his supporters. It was found a little too radical for them, and they no longer kept step with its newest march. "Of course I now can see that such a paper was foredoomed to failure," the editor said after he had recited the ear ly history of his venture. "I confess It wns pretty strong even for British radicals. After the circulation had dwindled down to the extremists I suc ceeded In alienating about half of them by denouncing social democracy as feu dal oppression, and the other half left me when I attacked atheism on the •core of its superstitious tendencies. After thnt I ran the paper as long as 1 could without any subscribers. But 1 had to give it up. Nobody would read It except myself, and toward the end 1 had to give up reading it myself. I found It too unsettling. So it stopped." —New York Commercial Advertiser. The Longest Word, "Rob." said Tom, "which Is the most dangerous word to pronounce In the English language?" "Don't know, unless It's a swearing word." "Fooh!" said Tom. "It's 'stumbled,' because you are sure to get a tumble between the Arst and last letter." "Ha, hal" said Rob. "Now, I've got one for you. I found it one day in the paper. Which Is the longest word In the English language?" "Incomprehensibility," said Tom promptly. "No, sir; It's 'smiles,' because there's a whole mile between the Arst and last letter." "Ho, hoi" cried Tom, "that's noth ing. 1 know a word that has over three miles between its beginning and ending." "What's that?" asked Rob faintly. "Beleaguered," suld Tom. Fear ion's. Hl Accent and Ilia Country. On one occasion during a visit to America Michael Gunn, who assisted Gilbert and Sullivan In bringing out mnny of their operas, was trying tho voices of some candidates for the cho rus. One of them sang In a sort of affected Italian broken English. The •tage manager Interrupted. "Look here," he said, "that accent won't do for sailors AX4A4A* <4 *4 4 * < A* 44*****0 ■ The Judges were in their places. Outside the fog weighed heavily upon the shapeless building, effaced the walls aud glued itself to the windows, concealing their frosty flowering. In the hail itself the air was thick I and stifling. It smelled of sheepskins, peasants, eau-de-vie, and the leaden 1 ventilators in the upper glasses of the skylight turned slowly and slotlifully. The jurors, too, leaned wearily against the hacks of their chairs. One of them had closed his eyes and let his hand fall inert, lulled to somnolence by the monotonous scratching of the clerk's pen. Another tapped and softly beat the rataplan with his pencil on the table. The president pushed his spectacles to the tip of his nose and mopped his damp brow, his stern gray eyes, with a glacial stare, bent fixedly upon the door whence* would issue the culprits in course of trial and on whom they waited to pronounce sentence. "Is there not still another one?" de manded he presently of the sleepy look ing tipstaff at his elbow in a harsh, res onant voice. "One," responded the other; " a girl." "Eh, bien! Bring her in then," said the president. The crier called, the door opened, the girl entered. A current of fresh air glided in with her and softly fanned the faces and tic kled the lashes of the curious assist ants. At the same moment a ray of sunlight pierced tho shrouding fog and danced between the frosty etchings of the panes across the dusty walls and furniture of tho Hall of Audience. | "A girl," said tho tipstaff—a child, ' rather, scarcely more than on the verge ! of maidenhood and so pretty in her lit j tie furred jacket embroidered with wreaths and blossoms and fitting like the skin the rounded waist, straight and slender as the stem of a young palm. Her black eyes were lowered to the floor, but her white brow was clear and unclouded. "What is it thnt you have done, my child?" questioned the president Indif ferently. The girl nervously rearranged the handkerchief that covered her head, caught her breath heavily, then an swered, sighing: "My affair is sad, M. President; very, very sad." ller voice, soft and dolorous, went to the heart like good music thnt even when one hears it no longer seems still to vibrato in the air and change every thing by its mysterious influence. The faces of the jurors were no lon ger so morose. The portrait of the king and farther away still of the Ju dex Curie appeared to make to her from tho silent wall benignant signs, encouraging her to bravely recount the affair, "so very, very sad." "But see you," said she, "this writ ing. It will tell you better than I can." Only she had first to seek it, to un clasp the buttons of her corsage and draw it from her bosom, a piece of crackling parchment stamped and clos ed with the ponderous official seal. "A judgment," murmured the presi dent. running his eye over the paper, "a judgment against Anne Bede, as signed to begin today a punishment of six months' imprisonment." The girl nodded sorrowfully; the handwriting, loosened by the' move ment, fell from her hand, and a heavy tress of her long black hair all unbound veiled her features. It sought perhaps to shield them from the gaze of the people, for if she was white as a lily awhile ago she was purple with shame at this moment. I "It is a week since we received it," ! stammered she in a broken voice. "The ! court officer brought it himself and ex plained what it wished to tell us, and my poor mother said to me: 'Thou must go, my child. The law is the law, and i one should not take it as a pleasantry.' I have come, therefore, to—to begin the I six months!" 1 The president wiped his glasses, then 1 wiped again, his cold, stern gaze seek ! ing the faces of his colleagues, the win dows, the floor, the great iron stove, through whose grated door fiery eyes seemed to sparkle and threateningly re -1 gard him. ! "The law," murmured he, "the law is ! the law!" ! And he read anew the summary be fore him, the black, scrawling scratch es across the white page, declaring, "Anne Bede condemned to six months' imprisonment for the receiving of stol en goods." Meanwhile tho leaden ventilator had quickened its pace and spun furiously. Outside the wind had risen, and now it shook the windows, whistled through the crevices and seemed to hiss re morselessly about the ears of the gap ing crowd: "The law; yes, the law is the law!" The head of the president bent af firmatively before this importunate voice. He dropped his eyes and touch ed the bell for the tipstaff. i "Accompany Anne Bede," said he, "to the house of the Inspector of prisons." I The man bowed, the child turned obe diently, but her little rose red Hps open ed and shook tremulously, as If words were on them that she could not speak. "Perhaps, my child," said the presi dent, noticing her distress, "perhaps you still have something to say to us." "Only that I am Lizette—Llzette Bede, M. le President. Anne Bede was my sister, and we buried her, poor girl, a week ago." " 'Twos not you then that was con demned and sentenced?" cried the pres ident, surprised. "Ah, bon Dleu, no! Why should I have been condemned who have never done harm to a fly?" "Then why are you hero, mad child that you are?" "Because, If you please. It Is because Anne died while this business was be fore the royal table (the lower court of Hungary). "It was when she was lying in her coffin all cold and white that this order concerning the six months ar rived certifying that she must submit. Oh. how she had waited and prayed for it and tried so hard to live to receive It! She had never dreamed of this, M. le President, and when they had taken j her away with closed eyes, mute and deaf forever, my mother and I told our- | selves that we must repair the wrong j she had done because of her fiance, Ga briel Karloney. It was for him and without knowing It that she sinned, and we thought"— "What, my child?" "That to let her rest peacefully In her mortal ashes and that 110 one should say she owed them anything, that we must do as I said, repair the wrong done by her. My mother has paid the amende for the goods, and I have come, M. le President, to serve in her place for six months in the county prison." To servo in her sister's place! "What Innocence, what simplicity! The Jurors smiled broadly. The face of the president was no longer cold or ceremonious, nor was It precisely his brow from which he mopped the mois ture with a large yellow handkerchief. "It Is well," said he. "You were right, my child; but—but, now that I think of it"— He stopped, frowned and seemed to reflect Intently. "Now that I think of it," continued he, "there was an error In this affair. We have, my dear child, sent you the wrong document." "The wrong document, M. le Presi dent?" faltered Lizette, raising her great, sorrowful eyes to his face with a gaze of heartbreaking reproach, "the wrong document?" She could say no more, and the presi dent himself was no less moved. "The wrong document, my child, yes," said he firmly, rising from his seat to tenderly pass his hand across the shining lialr. "Beyond there," pointing to the heaven above them through the mist veiled window, "jus tice has giveu another verdict. Go now to thy mother and tell her from me that thy sister was not a criminal, that Anne was Innocent. "Before God, at least," added he in a tone only audible to his own great heart, "before God, at least!"— Tran slated From the Hungarian For St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The Rarly Itlnlnu; I'nd. Early rising has been Inculcated as a wholesome practice from time Imme morial. and to those who can contrive to get to bed also in good time Is unob jectionable In every way; but, 011 the other hand, if the employment Is of such a nature as to prevent the occupa tion of the bed at a proportionately ear ly hour It Is absurd to recommend the one without the other. Some persons require six or seven, some eight or nine hours in the 24, hut If we all made a practice of getting up as soon as we wake we should find that the sleep would he sounder and more wholesome and that It would be seldom extended beyond seven or eight hours. The plan of rising a long time before breakfast and taking a walk on an j empty stomach is undoubtedly a bad one, and though It may be adopted by some people without injury, yet If at j tempted by those of delicate constitu tion it will do a vast deal of harm. Ilalf an hour or an hour before that j meal may well be passed in a Rhort walk, but beyond that time the stom ach becomes weakened In tone, and the meal when taken Is followed by a ! dull and heavy sensation of fatigue and llstlessness Instead of the sprightly readiness for the day's occupation, j which it ought to be the ambition of j every one to possess.—Health. An Amiable Vlollnlat. Robert Browning and Joachim met one evening at a friendly gathering In London. The violinist had "obliged" without satisfying certain ladies, who entreated the poet to obtain from him another solo. Browning, feeling the delicacy of his task, discharged It dip lomatically and spoke, as sometimes he wrote, so as to conceal his thoughts, while the violinist, not understanding, bowed and smiled and did not play. As they left the house Joachim ask ed, "What did you mean just now?" "Oh," said the poet, "I wanted you to give us some more music." "Then why did you not come and ! say, 'Joe, old boy, give us another I tune?' " returned the amiable violinist. Halcyon Days. The term "halcyon days" Is derived from a pretty little fable of the Siclll j ans, who believed that during the sev en days preceding and following the j winter solstice, Dec. 21. the halcyon or kingfisher floated 011 the water in a nest in which her young were deposited and that during this time of her brood ing the sens were calm. Our Indian summer corresponds to the halcyon of the Sicilians. In 1845 the postage on a letter from New York to Wisconsin was 25 cents. People wrote long letters In those days In a fine copperplate hand on thin pa per to svt the worth of their money, but tbey wrote seldom. He Joke. No More. "Jake," Inquired one of the younger of the knights of the road of an old drummer, "what made you lame?" "Overexertion at praetleaJ Joking." "Tell that to the lambs." "That's dead right, sonny. Cracked one too many, and It left me lame for life. Ask any of the old boys. That game of clnche came In when I was traveling to whnt were then the new silver mining districts In Colorado. You call It pedro In this state, I guess. "Well, I had a reputation for Joking those days—sort of an advertisement, you know. There was a good deal of shouting and shooting through the cell ing that night, but everybody was good natured and Jolly until five hands were played without a pedro being caught. The bidders did nothing but go In the hole and were getting uglier every deal. I "At last I could contain myself no longer, and announced with an up roarious laugh that 1 had abstracted the five spots. The general storekeep er was a friend of mine and promptly threw me from the second story win dow. But they are great wing shots out there, and two of them got me. You'll notice that the lobe of my left ear Is gone. The other bullet was ex tracted from my leg under the super vision of the vigilance committee. I have been an ex-Joker ever since."— Detroit Free Press. The Story of a Picture. Benjamin West's picture of the "Death of NelBon" Is closely connected with an anecdote of the great sailor. Just before he went to sea for the last time he was present at a dinner, dur ing which be sat between the artist and Sir William Hamilton. Nelson was expressing to Hamilton hla regret that he bad not. In Ills youth, acquired some taste for art and some discrimination In Judging It "But" said he, turning to West "there Is one picture whose power 1 do feeL 1 never pass a shop where your 'Death of Wolfe' Is In the window without being stopped by It" West made some gracious answer to the compliment and Nelson went on, "Why have you painted no more like It?" "Because, my lord." West replied, "there are no more subjects." "Ah," said the sailor, "I didn't think of that" "But my lord," continued West "I am afraid your Intrepidity will yet furnish me with another such scene, and If It should I shall certainly avail myself of It" "Will you?" said Nelson—"will you, Mr. West? Then I hope I shall die In the next battle!" A few days later he sailed, his strangely expressed aspiration was re alized, and the scene lives upon can vas. Worn Than HI. Own. A gentleman who owns one of the finest estates In the north of Ireland, while In his gardens one morning, no ticed one of the laborers very badly clad and asked blm: "Have you no better clothes than those. Mat?" "No, In troth, yer honor, worse luck," replied Mat "Well, call at the house this evenlug on your way home," said the gentle man. "I'll leave an old suit of mine with the butler for you." A few days later, when showing a party of visitors through the gardens, be was much annoyed to see Mat look ing, if possible, more a scarecrow than ever. "Why are you still wearing those old clothes, Mat?" he asked. "Sure, yer honor, they're the best I have," replied Mat. "But did you not get the suit I left for you the other day?" asked the gen tleman. "Indeed, an I did, thank yer honor kindly," replied Mat; "but, sure, I had to lave them at home to be mended." London Tlt-Blts. How tbe Artist Was Called. When Henry S. Watson, the Illustrat or, landed at Naples, he did not know much about European travel. He bad to make some sketches in the villages about Naples, and his experiences have filled him with wonder enough for a lifetime. His deft pencil helped him u hit. At one little village inn be tried to get It through the landlord's head that he was to be called early In the morning. He couldn't make himself understood. At last he drew a picture of himself lying In bed, the sun peep ing through the window, the clock at the hour of 6 and the chambermaid knocking at the door. Then It was quite plain, and they woke him on the tick.—Saturday Evening I'ost Couldn't Imagine. Uncle SI, from Upcreek, had Just left an aching molar at the dentist's and stopped at n lunch counter for a sooth ing beverage. "Gimme a cup of eawfee," he said, sitting down on the first vacant stool. "Draw one!" called out the girl be hind the counter. "That's what he did!" responded Un cle SI, with a delightful grin. "How'd you know It?" Chicago Tribune. Literary Note. She was a bright girl at Mount Hol yoke college. It happened that day that tbey had hash for supper and meat balls the next morning for break fast "Yes," she said as she glanced at the table; "Review of Reviews this morning."—Boston Journal. The world Is patiently waiting the advent of the man who can explain why a baby never wants to play In the coal scuttle until after It has been dressed for company.—Omaha World llcrald. You will never know what It Is to bs sick and tired of good advice until you have run a newspaper 20 or 30 years.— Atchison Globe. SHORT NEWS STORIES. Tl Wince Reproved the Count. Her Wish Gratified— A King Oacar Story. Italy's new king munlfests the same horror as his father for everything that Is In the least degree shady or unques tionable and has driven out of the ar my a number of officers who had ren dered themselves guilty of unsavory transactions. A short time before his father's deutli he happened to be obliged to receive In audience a Roman count who he knew had been sneer ing at the late king's democratic ways. Just as the count was about to take his leave the prince, with a smile, exclaim ed, "By the bye, I hear that you are the president of the company." Some what embarrassed, the count replied, "Certainly; one must find some outlet for one's activity." "Is there no other outlet for your ac tivity than that?" Inquired the prince. "Surely for a man like yourself, the head of a family such as yours, there is the army, a political career or philan thropy. One of your ancestors. I re* member, fell by the side of my ances tor, Emmanuel Flliberto." And then the prince went on to enumerate the names of a number of the count's for bears who had played a glorious role In the military, political and adminis trative service of Italy. He added, "When one bears such a name as yours, one has no right to serve any thing save one's country and human ity." "But I am not serving anybody," re plied the sadly disconcerted count. "That's so," exclaimed Victor Em manuel. "You are serving nothing but your own interests." And with that he turned his back to him. Her WUh Was Gratified. Going abroad on the Oceanic Mrs. Sarah A. Dalley, a Denver woman, made the acquaintance of Paderewskl, rolutes the Denver I*ost. She had nev er seen the pianist before and did not recognize who he was. Sitting upon SUB CREPT UP REFUND HIM. the deck one day beside another femi nine passenger, she watched with Im patience the famous Polish chrysanthe mum as he paced the deck. "Dear me," exclaimed Mrs. Dailey to the woman sitting near her, "I should like to run my lingers Into that man's hair." "Would you?" replied the other. "Well, you may do so. That Is Mr. Paderewski, my husband. I am sure ho would not object. Come; I'll intro duce you." Mrs. Dailey was at first taken aback, but when Mrs. Paderewskl explained the circumstances to her husband the pianist laughed heartily. A day or two later Mrs. Dailey came upon him play ing u Chopin number in his cabin. She crept up behind him and daintily ran her fingers through his hair, causing him a great deal of amusement. Trylnif to Find n Compliment. Among other accomplishments Charles Battell Loomis, the humorist, recites, lie imitates Dr. Talmage, says The Saturday Evening Post. "The only time my imitation of I)r. Talinage real ly goes for anything," said Mr. Loomis, "is when there are n lot of clergymen |ln the audience. There were 17 on ; shipboard during a recent transatlantic | voyage, and they wanted me to recite j it three times a day." | One of the 17 clergymen on board ■ was a silent man from New llamp- I shire. He did not speak to any one. i He did not even speak to the humorist who was turniug the ship topsyturvy j with his droll verses, his imitations and recitations. After they landed at Amsterdam, however, the silent clergy man came up to Mr. Loomis ou the i dock and held out his hand. "I've just learned that you are Mr. Loomis, the humorist," he said gloom ily. "Some time I hope to know you | better." That was all he said. He wont away I with his usual melancholy dignity, and i Mr. Ix>omis is getting gray hairs try ing to find a compliment in the remark. A Kins Oacar Story. King Oscar of {•Jwedon, who is an ac complished scholar more interested in books than in the affairs of his king dom, Inherits a gift for oratory from ! his French ancestry and is nothing ! loath to air It when occasion demands. . He even seeks the opportunity to prove , his modern conception of a king's obli gations and, with several languages at his command, often addresses learned bodies as well as political assemblages. Quite recently, since the present out break in China, his majesty, in address j ing the members of a society for the I cultivation of foreign languages, em ployed during the evening no fewer than five different tongues. One of the members, after the address, said to the king: "Your majesty is a splendid lin guist. Can your majesty speak Chi ; nese?" "Sir," replied the king, with dignity, "I have many failings, as I myself well know, but heaven forbid ; that I should ever be cursed with such a crime as that!" Told i( the Club. 'lt's this way," said T. Willis Rock- Ingham, "Brown-Jones asks me down from Saturday to Monday. Want ts go and 1 go. Haven't seen 8.-J. for months; not since ho got married to money, l'oor old chap." T. Willie sighed and took another observation In his glass. "Find 8.-J. looking welL Seems a bit nervous, though. You know his florid style. Scatters your wits and keeps you from thinking. Mrs. 8.-J. well, I can't help seeing she bltea her lips a lot. Squally sign. Thinks 1, T. Willie, little old New York Is good enough for you. You were In a better place there. Nothing happens though— not yet—and I begin to forget. Nlee country place. Dinner,. billiards and the downy. Then It's Sunday. Morn ing goes. Afternoon comes. 8.-J. sends for the horses. Begins to crack on a bit as we stand In the window watching the brutes come up the drive* Been talking quite tall all day about 'his place' and 'his plans.' Mrs. 8.-J. biting her lips all the time. Now he lets on about 'bis' quadrupeds. Trans parent bluff. What do 1 care? I like to see a man happy. 8.-J. prattling along. Mrs. 8.-J. bites her lips some more. Out we go to the vehicle. "Like to let you drive, old man.' says mine host 'Know you're A1 with the rib bons, but 1 always think my horse* like my bnnd best' Storm breaks. I " 'My horses!' snys my lady, scream ing out the flrst word. "8.-J. turns pale. Then he straight ens up. j " 'Yes, your horses,' he says. "You ! own them. You own this place and all that goes with It You own me. Will you assist Mrs. Brown-Jones, i Wllller " | T. Willie Rockingham shuddered. "Marry money?" he gulped out "Bl ouse me, I'd rather work."—New York Sun. A Snraieal Operation. The Army and Navy Journal telle this story about the late Dr. Lewis A. Sayre of New York city: "When a young medical student at i the College of Physicians and Snrgeons In New York, one of the operating phy sicians was about to cut off an Irish man's leg, but before beginning the op eration gave a long talk to the students on amputation. The Irishman lay on the operating table In full possession of his faculties, and as be listened to i the discourse he grew whiter and whit er. Finally he Jumped from the oper ntlng table, crying: 'Get me me breech es, be gob! I'll die with me leg on." And with that he was out of the room. "Dr. Sayre found him several days later with his knee badly swollen. The young doctor promptly cut open the knee, but saved the leg. One day he had no lint to bind the wound, so he used the tow stuffing sticking out of an old horsehair sofa. When he called i again, he found the wound so much Im proved that he reasoned that tow dip ped In Peruvian balsam would not only disinfect a wound, but would keep It ! free from pus. "This was the foundations one of the most satisfactory successes he ever , had In surgery. It was the means of Introducing Into the army the use of tarred bemp. or oakum, as a dressing for wounds." Oar Race For Money. "If It Is not true that we Americans \ regard money making as the work for which life was given to us. why, when , we have millions, do we go on strug gling to make more millions and more?" | writes "An American Mother" In Th# Ladles' Home Journal. "It ts not so ! with the older races. The London tradesman at middle age abuts his shop, buys an acre In tbo suburbs and lives oil a small Income or spends the rest of his life In losing It In poultry or fancy gardening. The German or Frenchman seldom works when past GO. He gives his Inst years to soms study or hohliy—music, a mlcroscops, : or It may be domlnos. You meet him and Ills wife, Jolly, shrewd. Intelligent, Jogging all over Europe. Baedeker In hand. They tell you they 'have a cu riosity to see this fine world befors : they go out of It.' " A Blflllng. Dr. Conan Doyle tells this story of a Boer and an English soldier who lay : wounded side by aide on the field of battle: "They had a personal encoun ter, In which the soldier received n bul let wound nnd the burgher a bayonet thrust before they both fell exhausted on the field. The Britisher gave tho Boer a drink out of his flask, and tha burgher, not to be outdone In courtesy, handed a piece of biltong In exchnngs. In the evening, when their respective ambulances came to carry tbem off to the hospital, they exchanged friendly greetings. 'Goodby, mate,' said tbo soldier. 'What a blessing It Is we mst each other!'" A Fetching Compliment, i She was not from Chicago. "Do not anger me," she said. "How am I to know when you are angry ?" be nsked. "I always stamp my feet," she an swered. He looked down at her dainty shoes. "Impossible," he said. "There Isn't room for a stnmp on either of them." That fetched her.—Cleveland Plata Dealer. Put'. Retort. An Irishman passing a store In Lon don saw nothing Inside but a man at a table. The thing struck him as being very odd, so he went In and Inquired what was sold there. "Asses' beads." said the man at the table. "They must he In great demand," said Pat. "for I see you have only your own left." A drawback to Amity. Judge—Well. Mrs. Jopps, what fault have you to find with your husband? Mrs. Jopps—Now, Jedge. It's this way: He's awful good an kind, but he's so ! peaky uufinanshul.—Detroit Free Press,