FREEKISITI IIIDIME Estah!i>hod 1838. PUBLISHED EVKKY MONDAY AI\D THURSDAY. iIY THE TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. LIMITE-D OkTicK: Ma 1.1 Street Above Centue. FREELAND, PA. SL'BS.CItI i'TI oN KA I LS: One Year SIAO tlx Month* 75 four M'-n Ijs i>o Two Months '25 Tli* Cute which the pubscription is pdid so la on ttie aildre.-a label of each paper, the change of which to a subsequent date be comes a receipt for remittance. K "p th figures in advance of the pnvient, date, lie port promptly to ibis office whenever pape/ u not received. Arrearages must be puit Whtn subscription is discoutiuaed- Aldl.e all melt y order , check*, tic., payable (o the Tribune Printing Company, Limited. While there were 6000 murders in the United States last year, the total was 1600 lesi thau in 1808. England will hardly go to the length of denying t'ronje the right to dash off a few magazine articles. Maud S., the queen of the turf, is ■ dead. Probably no better horse was ever reared in America. Her famous trotting record bus been surpassed by u tew seconds,but tho improved speed was ma Te possible by improved ac cess ui ies. Tue state of Washington promises to be a large producer of beet sugars I in the early future. Experiments car- j ried on during a number of years at i the state experiment station have | shown that sugar boots of iiigh su- j cro e contents can be readily pro- | duced. That line old Spanish relic, the Daks of Veragua, has beau insulted in Paris by a vulgar merchant who seized his baggage for debt. Thus Again the impecunious old nobleman is reminded that the modern chivalry as a trashy sham, very much fr.iyed at the edges. Li Hung Chang eliugs to life with passionate fervor, in order to wiu back that peacock feather. He recently had a chance to die by poison administered by a treacherous cook—the recogaized mode of departure for Oriental poten tates— Lut he failed to avail himself of j the opportunity. A school-teacher in England adver* j tised for boys "difficult to manage." In response to this advertisement he he got, among others, one boy who subsequently set lire to the school j buildings, so great had become his de- ! sire to escape from the school. There- j upon the * ho d-teacher sued the boy ' in tho high court. The question at j issue seemed to b-: What risks does j the master assume, aud at what point in the relations between teacher and pupil will the law iuterfero? This was a matter of great perplexity to .Mr. Justice Ridley uiul also to the special jury. The justice decide I that the master assumed at least the risk of "the wear aud tear of school furniture by knocking about and kicking the doors," but uo more. The exact point us to kicking the doors does not ap peal-. Tho jury brought in a verdict of 8-2 )0 vgii!aily for three years now. aud " "You have prepared the 'Ann! Jo rusha Talks With Girls' column," in terrupted Widger. You are a vite humbug, Perk." "No more so than you, Billy. Don't wound my sensitive heart, kind friend, I pray yon. The Record is avowedly the most popular paper iu the Mis sissippi Valley among the woiue.i Why? 'Tis I, Billy, me, Who toils the woniou how to cook, And make their homes successful; Who tells I hem how that pimply look Is reudjred less distressful. Me, Billy, I—Oswald K. Perkins, tho |)oor orphan, who wouldn't know how it) act if ho had a home. That's tho Seciet of my success, Billy; I'm orig inal." "Because you do not know any better." "Exactly. But as to yourself. You're supposed to be funny. Your stuff is well liked. Some people ac tually laugh at it. Your verses jingle pleasantly, and your paragraphs are redolent of ginger. You hold your job. You eat. But, Billy, dear, 'twould be very different if you should blunder into poetry-—real poetry, as you call it. You'd cease to eat. Your nerves, deprived of tho food they crave, would become toneless, suup less. Prostration, agony, lingering death, unwept, uuhouored, unsung. Don't do it, Billy. ' Widger smiled. "Perk," said lie. "you are a freak. But you are wise—you must be or you wouldn't lie able to humbug the women as you do. You are also a gentleman, and T believe a good judge of " "Whisky?" "No, poetry." "Uin-m—l don't know." "I do. Read that, and tell me what you think." Perkins proffered tho sheet with af fected timidi:y, and looked at it from the fcorners of his eyes. Then he handed it back. "It's pretty bad, Billy," said lie honestly. "I don't think I ever read worse. Momory grim iloth rcml my heartstrings, Cruelly with lingers pink Is but little short of positive disease. Do you feel perfectly well, old man?" "Yes, I am well enough, but 1 am depressed in spirit. Do you suppose, Perk"—glancing at the clock —"that if I gave you my confidence for about fifteen minutes it would seriously in terfere with the glorious work you are doing for benighted women? Ithink it would make me feel better." "Nothing," replied Perkins firmly, "can interfere with that. Go ahead, old man." He sat back in liis chair with an in dex finger ou either side of his nose— his characteristic attitude when in re pose, as lie once informed the Rec ord's cartoonist when that brilliant but misguided young man hegge 1 him for a '"sitting"—while Widger lowly gathered the sheets from his desk and tore them into strips "You know where T came from, Perk?" he asked, dropping the strips into the waste basket. "Bt. Paul, Billy. You didn't kuow the letter J from a hole in the ground, and you considered Minneapolis mere ly a short chapter in mythology." "Yes," said Widger. "Hay, Paul, T worked on the Evening Gazette ami my duties were as the sands of the sea. everything, from heavy editorial v the hotels, and between jumps I fell b love. It may not altogether bo my fault. Homo men are born lovers, tome cultivate the tendency, and some Jave it thrust upon them. It was thrust upon me. And the maiden's iraine was Smith." "Smith—Smith," mumbled Per kins; "iu all tho bright lexicon of youth there is no such word as—go on, Billy." "She was a nice girl, as girls go," continued Widger, "well set head, nonpareil body, good clear face and the daughter of her father, who owned ES TODD. the Gazette. She was accustomed to spending an hour or two each day at the office, and I had not talked with her many times before f experienced a strange sensation. I did not know I what to call it. I suppose it was love, ! bat 1 never said a word about if to j her. I reasoned, tl-.r.t it would be too i I presumptuous—might lose me my i j situation. I "I did not know then that T was j qualified to do anything better in the ! . ' newspaper line thau to grind on the I Gazette at ground pay. I made my- 1 j self wretched at times wishing she j : would keep away from the office, so ; that I might forget her. But I drew ' j a long breath of relief the next time j I 1 sho appeared, and answered herques- j , lions about Uiis and that thing 30111- | ! nalistb, cud listened to her blissfully ' ' when she told ine what a glorious pro • ' fession she thought it aud what an ornament to it she considered me. | "Ni'c sounded me frequently ou :uy [ j ambitions, and I toll her freely what : ! were my hopes. f; "'You are wedded to your work,* she said to mc one day. j "*1 am,' I replied, j "Then she looked at me with an i ; expression which I did not under- J > i stand and changed tho subject. I I never saw her outside of the office. I • was practically penniless, auil she! • ' accustomed to luxury. I was not iu • ; society. Our lives bad little in com- j inou. f loved her. Tho tiling for ! j lue to do, as a sensible porsou, was to ! i make the best of it silently, and i did ! 1 : •. Did Ido right, Perk?" i "Precisely, Billy, (let along." i "Well, after a while her engage ■ | incut to one of thu great men of the : j city—liamo Jones—was aunounced, i and it fell upon my harrowed soul 1 with much the gentleness of a thiui , | dorclap. I felt bad, Pork, but at the , same time I felt glad—glad that I had not made an ass of myself. "I had been sorely temptod, heaven knows. At tho first opportunity— sho had dropped into the office t > re load her camera in the coat closet—l shook bauds with her and told her as clearly as I could—not knowing what to say—how delighted I was, aud, sir, she turned squarely about with out a word and left me high and dry, looking every bir, I doubt not, as foolish as I felt. That was in Juuu aiy. The wedding was to occur iu j J line. i "I worked liko a cold weather 63* j and tried, to forget her. I succeeded pretty well. Her visits to tho office i had ceased with my well-meaut cou i gratalatory performance, and this • mado it easier for me, although my heart beat like shorthand whenever I 1 heard a female voice from the s private office, and tho sudden swish of skirts caused mo to jump violently. But I did not see her again until May—three weeks before the wed ding. She had been in Chicago, J believe, paying a fa rowel 1 visit to a schoolmate, and incidentally " ' "Never mind that, Biily," inter- I jeeted Perkius. "You don't know 1 what sho was doing incidentally. 1 j Come to the point." ! Widger bowed gravely. "All right, I Perk. 1 thank you. I was alouo in j tho office one stormy night, fixiug up a string of airy falsehoods for the next j day, when tho telephoue bell rang , i like forty fires. I put the receiver to ! my car, held it there for perhaps a ■ j minute, yelled 'yes' into tho trans -1 mitter, bolted into my overcoat and j > I turned out the light. "I was ut G., S. and X. shops five ; i j minntea later, aud, swinging onto the j [ , rear platform of tho caboose attached i to a wrecking train, iu an hour I was j ( I ou the scene of tho worst railway ! I smash-up in tho history of Minnesota. | "Ever see a splintered passenger • ! train at night, Perk—white faces star ling at you by lantern light, groans i seeming to rise out of the earth, j steam, smoke, horror? I never real ! ized until that night what an awful . j thing darkness is—darkness to which , j there is no limit Hint almost suffo | cites a man and strikes him blind. | j Time and ago in I iu voluntarily passed j my hand before my face to clear away 1 iu the blackness for my eyes. ! "There was a station not far away, and after getting what information I : . could I took my way in that direction to get off some dispatches for the first I editions of the morning papers, j stumbling along as best I could, yearning for light, light, light. Aud, Perk, I—l—there was light." I "Celestial lire, Billy?" ".Something like it. I stumbled over a body finally. I had been , dreading it, and prayiug that I might be steered clear of that sort of ob stacles. It gave out the faintest kind of a moan when I struck it, and I re . coiled as much as fifteen feet, Itliiuk. Then I took a firm grip 011 myself aud approached it again, because that I seemed to bo my duty. "The man or woman, whichever it I was, had evidently crawled out of the I wreck ami tried to go somewhere. It ' had luiled wretchedly. It was lying in the long, wet grass at. quite a little ; distance from the track. It might 1 not be found for hours if I passed it j by. Nevertheless, I hesitated. I confess it with shame. "Then I knelt by its side and f passed my bauds over its cold, raiu > washed face aud bedraggled hair. It was a woman. I put iuy finger to it 3 pulse. It was alive. , "The Mutter of the straining heart 1 acted like a strong stimulant upon 1 iuo. I lifted the limp form in my arms and felt my way onward to the ata'ion. It was a long walk and a hard one, not unfraught with danger, for there was a bridge to be crossed, hilt. I reached the end at last and passed into the light of the waiting room, and—and—and, Perk, it was she. I had been carrying her iu my anus all that distance. "I believe thoy considered me in sane when I laid her upon the opera tor's bed and looked into her face. For an instant my strength went from me to the last, ounce aud T all but col lapsed; then it came hack in a mighty wave, and I suppose I did act like a maniac. "She had au old-fashioned locket in her hand, fastened about her neck by a ribbon, and she held it to her lips rigidly, as she had held it when she was fainting in the long, wet grass. Perk, I cannot tell you how 1 felt. [ "Don't try, Billy. Keep to your story." W train arrived shortly with doc tors, and one of theui pushed me from her side by force—ho had to use force —aud cut the ribbon and removed her hand from her mouth. He said some thing about respiration as ho did it, aud looked at the locket curiously. " 'Opeu it,' said be, unclasping her fingers; 'it may identify her.' "I opened it—l opened it, Perk, and—aud it contained my own pic ture—a picture she had taken herself without my knowledge. "I put it into my pocket. No one noticed, fof other victims were, brought in then, aud the place was in a tur moil. Then I wont out into the rain, and walked aud walked, kissing that bauble over and over again. It was daylight when I saw her again, and she was being assisted to the traiu that was to take her home. She seemed little the worse for the shock she had suffered. Iler face was very white— j that was all." "Didn't you speak to her?" "Yes, 1 spoke to her; but Jones was with her, his arm about her waist, and her father was close behind her, laden with wraps, aud I only said 'Ho w- | de-do, Miss Smith?' and swallowed my heart. "The Gazette nearly got scooped on the story of the wreck. They de- j penned on mo to fix it up, aud foi | some reasou or other I forgot it. 1 resigned my position the next day, f and came down here to do humor. 1 did not dare to attempt anything else, j for fear of going into a decline. I have been fairly well contented, but once in a while, Perk, I got down ill the j mouth. I found this in one of the 1 papers from up there this morning." j He drew a clipping l'rom his pocket aud tossed it upon the desk. Perkins i read it: "Um-iu—'Born, a boy to Mr. and Mrs. John Jones," eh? Well, what of it, Billy? Didn't you think it possi ble?" "Yes, but, Pork"—and there was a uotc of genuine sorrow in Widger's voice—"she—slio will forget mo en tirely now." Porkius laid his hand lightly upon Widger's shoulder for au instant. "Go to work, Billy," said he, softly, "ft is better so." "Yes," assented Widgcr, "it is bet ter so." He breathed deeply and turned again to his jokes and jingles.—Phila delphia Press. Dllllcnlt I.ovo-Mnkln?. "Professional nurses have no busi ness being so confoundedly good looking," said a young man who has recently spent several weeks in a local infirmary. "The nurse who was del egated to attend to mo while 1 was laid up was a distractingly handsome girl, with a pure Greek profile, red dish brown hair—the kind that seems fall of little, golden tendrils iu the sunlight—an.l eyes as liquid as a fawn's. The first time she put her finger on my wrist, my pulse ran up to at least 175, aud she took it for granted 1. hail a high fever and dosed mo accordingly. I tried repeatedly to lure her into conversation, but she wouldn't be lured. She was strictly business. When I started to pay her compliments she would ask me to put out my tongue, which was an insur mountable obstacle to conversation. I used to lie there with my tongue hanging out trying to put my whole soul into my eyes, but it was no go. No man can look romantic with half a foot of furry red tongue protruding, from his countenance. Another way sho had of gaging me was by putting the thermouetcr in my mouth. The last week I was there I proposed to her five tunes, or, rather, I tried to, bat she invariably choked off my dec larations by thrusting a thermometer into my mouth. I got so excited one time that I came near swallowing a thermometer worth several dollars. She was a most excellent young wom an and hud lots of sound common souse, us was evideuced by the fact that she gave me no encouragement whatever."—New Orleans Times- Democrat. More Than He Couhl Staml. "What's this?" demanded the police, hurrying to the scene. "A hold-up?" A pale, scholarly looking mau in spectacles was standing over a burly ruffian and shaking his slender fist at the prostrate form. "Presume that is what yon would term it," he replied. "This fellow stopped me just now and ordered me to hold up my hands. I complied, and he began to search my pockets. *£ will put a bullet through you.' he said, 'if you take them down all during the time I am—' aud then I knocked him down. 'All during' is an uhomiuable perversion of correct English tiiat no man can utter in my presence unre buked." The unlucky footpad had tackled a professor of rhetoric. —Chicago Tri buae. | WOMAN'S WORLD. 1 PREACHINC IN THE PULPIT. Over Three Hundred Women Ministers Now in the United States. The Pauline edict "Let your wom en keep silence in the churches" has been a lively source of controversy ever since it was uttered. For many generations a literal adherence was insisted upon, and it liually eauia to be regarded by the majority of man kind us an actual article of faith. All through the ages, however, there has been an occasional woman whose gen ius has triumphed over prejudice and who has become not only a preacher, but a founder of a new religious body . Ann Lee and Mrs. Hutchiusou are well kuowu examples. Within the last two hundred years there has been a gradual change of opinion on the question of woman's j place in the church. The earliest | English Methodists permitted women exhortors, or outdoor preachers, and Quakers have always held that the Spirit was as likely to move one side of the meeting house as the other. America.having 110 established church, has really done more than auy other country toward destroying the old tra dition, and for many years women have been seen in pulpits and pastor ates, leading useful, happy lives, be loved and appproved of by the com munity. In the Unitarian, Congrega tional and Methodist churches they have long been appreciated, and lately the Baptist, Presbyterian and other conservative denominations are be ginning to invite women to ministerial duties. An interesting and significant cere mony took place in Chicago recently, on which occasion Mrs. Vaudclia Var uum Thomas, wife of the pastor of the People's Church, was ordained "a liberal aud independent minister." Every denomination 'of the Cougress of Religions was represented, aud the officiating minister was the present pastor of the Methodist Episcopal Church, which twenty years ago ex cluded Dr. Thomas from its member ship. Of other women who are iu pastoral places, the Row Frances Kimball was ! lately ordaiued to the Universalis ministry, three other women ministers taking part in the ceremony. Mrs. Kimball has charge of the churches at South Bar re aud Williamstowu, Vt. The Congregational Church at Con don, Ore., 011 the death of its pastor unanimously invited his wife to fill the vacaucy. The Rev. Hannah Jew ett Powell wr 1 recently installed as pastor of the 1 aiversalist Church, at ! North Jay, Me., Congregational and Methodist ministers oflieiatiug. The | address of welcome on behalf of the j parish was given by Mrs. Silas i Wright. Speaking of the ministry as a pro fession for women, Mrs. Florence Kol lock Crooker, of Michigan, expresses her belief that women generally should, and will, choose a domestic life, and that the proportion of women minis ters wilt never bo large, there being only three hundred now in the United States; but the few who are irresisti bly called to the work will always have qualifications which men lack. Their ! power for good, grantiug ac equal ! equipment, will be greater than that of their masculine colleagues. Women, 1 Mrs. Crooker believes, have the power | to enter more fully than men into the lives of the people, and are able to gain their confidence with compara- | tive ease. They also know how to i deal with young people and childreu. ) Mrs. Crooker was a minister before I her marriage, and since has acted as \ State missionary of the liberal churches of Michigan. She organized churches, i selected and ordaiued ministers, sup- 1 plied pulpits, and in too many ways j fulfilled the duties of the bishop of | the older denominations. At present | her time is divided between assisting her husband in his parish work and lecturing on educational aud philan thropic subjects. Popular Scurf*. As for scarfs, they are übiquitous. A scarf is the favorite trimming ( for the front of a bodice, especially : drawn from beneath the bolero aud j tied into a huge bow iu front. They are draped across the front j gore of evening skirts iu the same j manner as on the bodice. Where the j sides are plaite.l or the front seams ; trimmed two large scarfs come from ' beneath, droop down a little aud tie ; in a large bow with long ends. This fashion is particularly attrac tive on black net and liberty silk j gowns. Many of the new sleeves instead of having a ruffle, are wrapped about a i scarf. This is particularly done on j elbow sleeves. A scarf of liberty silk ! or chiffon is drawn around the sleeves ; aud tied in a great bow on the sides with ends that hang half way to the wrist. As for the sleeves themselves, there ' is a growing fervor for those of chiffon ' iu all kinds of light fabric gowns, such as crepe de chine, lansdowue, liberty silk aud net. These sleeves aro made mousquetaire, but quite tight-fitting. . It is a great mistake to make a loose mousquetaire sleeve, yet many dress- | makers do it. The very nature of the sleeve de mands that it fit the arm snugly. All sleeves now demand to be fitted well iu at the wrist. If they are too small for the baud to go through, then open the back seams and buttom them up after they are on. Even the new shirtwaist cuffs fit very close. There is one extremely pretty model showing three of the fashions I have written of in a pineapple of white with a coral thread in it. The skirt is tucked in groups, the bodice tucked all over, aud over it a bolero jacket of yellow laee with a edge of black chiffon and a black scarf of liberty silk drawn from under the bolero and tied in front. The sleeves are coral chiffon mous quetaire, shaped in tightly at the wrist and out over the knuckles. Your Fortmio in a Cup. For curious students of occultism we append the accepted code of for tune telling by means of tea leaves or coffee grounds. After finishing your matutinal beverage and finding a ■ sediment i i (he cup, drain off all the ; moisture and read the figures made j by the grounds or leaves as follows: J Serpentine lines, future troubles, j Straight lines, loug life aud pros* I perity. A ring, marriage. A leaf of clover, good luck. An auchor, your business will be successful. A letter, welcome news. A coffin, a loug illness. A star, happiness. A dog, you have faithful friends. A lily, a long aud happy life. A cross, misfortune. The sun, the greatest luck. The moon, high honors. Mountain, you have powerful ene mies. A tree, lasting good health. A child, you will have great ex penses. A woman, great joy. A lieait, you will receive some money. Birds, trouble. Fish, you will travel some distance. Uiinftuuinlng Allaa Wilson. Miss Wilsou, daughter of the Secre tary of Agriculture, in point of years, should be considered as one of tho "Cabinet girls," but by reason of her position as the head of her father's household aud his hostess, she is more often quoted among the matrons. With tho exception of Mrs. Gage, Miss Wilson is the only Cabinet wom an left of the original assistants at the first White House reception of the present Administration. This only maiden hostess among them has worn her honors easily and gracefully. She prasides over the iiome of one of the capital's chief of ficials with grace and dignity. Her manner is cordial and she has the happy faculty of saying tho right thing on all occasions. Miss Wilsou is en dowed with personal charm of looks and manner, although when asked to say something about herself ou one ; occasion, she modestly wrote: "lam I my father's housekeeper, have literary . tastes and I am not pretty. "—Na tional Magazine. ISlaclc iind White Combination. Black and white are again to be combined in both costumes aud mil- I linery. Black broad cloth with white moire trimmings is effective aud chic ' iu the former, aud black Neapolitan i straw with feathers and bows of black uud white tulle in the latter. Jeweled Hairpin*. Rather long hairpins with jeweled heads are a uew fancy. Frill* or Pnsliion. Sashes arranged around tho waist j like a Swiss belt are fastened with a \ rosette aud finished ou the ends with 1 silk fringe. Lace boleros with black velvet rib- ! bon run through them aro a useful as ! well as effective addition to the bodioe needing afresh touch. White aud tinted chiffon in the form of various kinds of (lowers, some with i jeweled centres, are used on dres j hats and bonnets Ibis season. Three colors, most frequently seen iu tho silk or ribbon trimmings, j bunched together, and all delicate shades are to bo found on many hats. Bale blue and beige are combined in tho latest novelties. A beige home- i spuu with pale blue facings on the ! jaunty Eton eout is one of the newest ■ models. Lingerie, which embraces peignoirs | of every description, is getting more and more luxurious. No woman of ashion would nowadays do her hair I .ii an unbecoming shade of dressing gown. Butter-color straw and black velvet are as attraothe as ever combined this year. The omnipresent black velvet ribbon iu narrow widths, combiued j with braids of straw the same width, ! forms some of the attractive hats. Insertions of lace contiuue to be ' worn iu fashion both simple and 1 complicated. An evening gown "just ! from Doucet" has insertions all over : the skirt iu large lozenges, and smaller ! lozenges iu the bodice and sleeves. j Black velvet ribbon in narrow ! widths is strikingly in evidence on j many of the new gowns iu the form 1 of straight bands, rosettes or lattice work designs forming the vest, a por tion of the sleeve or possible fau nhapod divisions on the lower half of tho skirt. Up to date the status of the jacket seems to be somewhat uncertain. That a demand for jackets will arise later there is little doubt, but on just what particular shape the demand will find expression it is difficult to say. Many favor the little loose back box coats. Fringe continues to be very modish; and, save the mark, it is even inappro priately applied to handkerchiefs. Among the newest handkerchiefs are those with colored hems and em broidery. The plain white handker chief, however, will ever remain the most elegant. Mercerized canvas and cotton grena diues, treated with the same alkali solution, ad:l variety to the extensive array of cotton dress fabrics. They are checked, striped or covered with waved lines of varying soft colors, aud very pliable without being easily mussed. The pretty gloss which gives them a silky appearance is their chief attraction. THE SUMMER WAIST. . Now doth the J Festive Summer waist appear upon The scene, I In every shade From white to rod, and Hundreds in between; | Ik dazzleth every manly eye, ■ And stretcheth I Every neclc, ! And raaketh am'rous fellows • Haste to follow I*At her neck ' As down the street In glad array ; Pair Doris lightly trips, | A vision rare ; Prom ankle neat to ! Dainty ilugor-tips; | Aud there are ; Hosts of others—all most ; Gleefully parade, ; With some in stripes I And some in plaids and somo | In chocks arrayed. 1 Aud some are silken, some Are wool, some linen, j Some pique, j And e'en the (lannel and Noursilk are seen j In the array; And some do blaze like I Goals of lire while some are ( Verdant quite, j And every shade of I Yellow, brown, blue. red. green,is in sight; I And thus, when warming zephyrs ; Kiss the early-leallng j Tree, the streets I Become kaleidoscopes ; Of femininity; ! And marvel of all marvels! Each ' Bright damsel feels that .>Uo Doth wear by fur the I Swollest waist or all That company! All maidens love the j Summer waist, the waist of j Giddy hue, aud , Twiddles lovo to love tho maids, who i Lovo this loving, too! 1 So here's a toast, a merry toast, To maidens sweet, encased Within the Gay, alluring, neat and giddy Summer waist! —J. W. W., In the Now York San. JINGLES AND JESTS. Askin—"Would you consider tlie, occupation of a baseball magnate a profession?" Teller—"No; it's usu ally a trude." Procrnstiuution Is the thief Of time, but time does not despair. In turn he steals, tf> woman's grief. Her beauty, and he thus gels square, —Philadelphia Uncord. "Why should wo worry, Jack? Surely tho world owes us a liviug." "I'm afraid, though, that we arc not on the list of preferred creditor.*."— Brooklyn L.le. "I'm afraid my blood is out of or der," complained the lobster as the cook drew near. "In fact, I fear I am going to suffer with a boil."—Phil adelphia Record. "Somo people just naturally can't help being stylish." "That's so; there's Belinda, if she got bitten by a dog it would bo sure to be a daclist huud."—Washington Star. "Mary," said the great man, swell ing, "this paper speaks of mo as a Presidential possibility." "John," said his wife, anxiously, "how much did that coat you?"— Puck. Bacon —"Men aro always looking for an exalted lineage." Egbert— "Unless they are traveling on tho railroad; then they are after a lower berth."—Youkors Statesman. "We do not stop to think," he said. The lady, with a smile, remarked: "IT some did stop to think They'd stop along, long while." —Detroit Free Press. Rev. Dr. Joyner—"And so you two are making life one grand, sweet song?" Rattles "Yes, coctor, a reg'lar opera; with frautic calls for tli3 author when tho baby cries."— Brooklyn Life. Ascetic and gourmand are like after all, For each has the very same aim. Gnu's always forgetting tho good things o£ life, The other's for getting tho same. —Philadelphia Press. I-I-I s-a-y," stammered the stran ger, looking about at tho iamp-post confusedly "c-c-an yon fc-t-tell mo where I-I am?" "No, I really can't," was the reply of the passer-by; "you know, he who hesitates is lost."— Yonkers Statesman. The Laugh WHS on lleeil. A good story is told in West Vir ginia involving two of the Congress men from that snug little State aud Thomas B. Reed, the gigantic Speaker of the last House. The two West Vir ginians are Hon. Blackburn B. Dov* euer aud Hon. Romeo Hoyt Freer. Both are small in stature and wonder fully alike in their general appear ance. Together thoy went up to the ponderous Maine man to be intro duced. "Humph!" said Mr. Reed, "is that the best the Persimmon State can do?" "What do you moan?" asked Mr, Freer. "Nothing," drawled the elephantine Speaker. "I was - only wondering at the uniformity of things down your way. I suppose tho horses aro all ponies and the persimmons all dwarfs "Well," interrupted Mr. Freer, "there is one thing in oar favor, the persimmon has more taste than the pumpkin." The laugh was ou the Speaker, and ho acknowledged it by cordially grasp ing the hands of the Lilliputians aud joining in the merriment.—Success, A Missouri Man's Odd Violin. A unique violin has been made by a Missouri man. The back is of cherry from a table more than a century old, which formerly belonged to the How ard-Payne College. In the centre of the back aro inserted twenty-one pieces of wood from the Holy Laud, one being from'a grapevine that grew in the Garden of Gethsemane. Around the margin are set in a row small pieces of wood, diamond shaped, gathered from all over the civilized world. In one eud of the back is in serted a horseshoe made of castor wood, and in the other end is the imago of a rabbit carved in cherry. There are, in all, over one hundred and fifty pieces of wood, and tho only tools usod in the manufacture of the instrument were a pooket-knife aud a half-inch chisel.