Freeland Tribune
Established 1888.
PUBLISHED EVERY
MONDAY AND THURSDAY.
BY THE
TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited
OMCK: MAIS STIIEET ABOVE CENTBK.
FREELAND, PA.
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One Year $1.50
blx Month* 75
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Two Months 25
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port promptly to this office whenever papef
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to the Tribune Printing Company, Limited.
An automobile lias been designed to
tow canal boats. There is no telling
where the application of the horseless
carriage will end.
If tho rerorms suggested by tuc New
York Baseball Club are carried out,
tiieu the National League's season of
1900 should be a red letter one in its
history. One of thase reforms is the
abolition of the syndicate ownership
of clubs. These syndicates should be
abolished. Then the baseball rowdies
should be suppressed, aud competent
men should be engaged to officiate as
umpires. With theso reforms estab
lished the natioual gaino will again
resume its sway over tho pouular af
fections.
The Railroad Gazette gives warn
ing of a step backward in transporta
tion. "A great deal of money has
been wasted by carrying freight and
passengers at au unnecessarily high
speed." So they are to go slow. It
may bo true that "no single reform
can bo adopted in connection with
railroad operations that will yield so
large nu increase in not earnings as
the adjustment of the time of tho
freight trains with reference to the
economical performance of motive
power, but, ii the pace now prevailing
is diminished, it will be something
new in the history of progress. There
have been signs lately of diminished
speed iu Atlantic steamers, but we
predict, all the same, that before an
other decade is over, they will be
traveling nearer thirty knots than
twenty.
A Lesson For llio lSrittah Volunteers.
The first tiling the war teaches us
is that we ought to trust more than
we do to the individual capacity of the
Volunteers, and not try so hard to
turn them into ordinary soldiers.
The Boers march as they please,
dress, within limits, as they please,
as did also the Colonial men in the
first American war, and form as they
please, though they obey in this lat
ter respect some traditional rules.
They are expected to support each
other rather from willingness than
from discipline, aud to rely on their
rifles aud their steadiness under firo
rather than any coherence derived
from drill. Thoy do not as yet stand
up to bayonet charges well; but bow
often is the bayonet charge possible
when the rifles are well handled? It
takes the very best men to get through
that hail of fire, and tho very best
men cannot always do it, no troops
that tbo world knows of consenting to
charge liome when moro thau a third
of their number are on the ground.
The strength of the Boer Volunteers
is not in their drill, but in their indi
vidual ability when Regulars aro
charging on them to await their
charge and keep on their desolating
lire. They wait till the assailing
force is actually in touch. That was
the strength of the New England
Militia against us, and of Hofer'smen
against the French; and we are not
sure that we are not forgetting both
how great that strength was, and how
best to develop it. We are, we sus
pect, cultivating the company too
much, among Volunteers we mean,
aud the individual not enough. Yet 1
it is as individuals acting together
that the Boers are giving us such
trouble.—The London Spectator.
Eatlent Gold Mining Known.
Probably there is but one place in
the world whore gold may be picked
up from a sandy beucli. Yet on Cape
Nome, on Norton Sound, Bering Sea,
Alaska, men, women and children are
enriching themselves after precisely
this fashion.
Only a few weeks ago a discouraged
miuer who had been lured to the Cape
Nome district by what he bad come
to consider false hopes espied gold
under bis foet as he sat in bis tent on
the beach. Within an hour be had
laid tho foundations of a fortune.
Now for a dozen miles or more along
the beach thero may bo seen a throng
of independent diggers. Never before
has such easy mining been heard of.
A small, square bit of beach will yield
from slotosls an hour. The entire
yield of tho beach district is said to be
about $J(),000 a day.
Existence through the winter will
be rather difficult, as fuel is even
scarcer than food. Many of the
"beachcombers" intend to meet tbo
trying features of the cliraato by set
ting up large tents on the beach, where
they will live, cook and sleep and at
the same time do their mining under
cover.
GOOD CHEER.
Have you had a kindness s'nowa?
Pass it on.
Twas not atven for you alone-
Pass it on.
Lot it travel down tho years.
Lot it wipo another'* tears,
Till in Heaveu the deed appears—
TUBS it on.
Q3GG33COOOOOGCCGOOQOOOGOOO
8 HER SUBSCRIPTION. 8
0 o
OOGGDOOOOOOOODOCOOOOOOOOOO
„ Y7 F you please, mem,
Mrs. Dean Pink
jl "cy's in the par
l°r, and wants to
speak with you."
Nelly Waters
threw lip both her
hands in dismay.
"Mrs. Deau Pinkney? Oh, I
know, it's that odious subscription
paper again, for the sufferers from the
Chessiugton fire. What shall I do?"
"Be frank with her at once," said
Laura Lisle, who was spending the
morning with lier frieud, "and tell
her you can't afford it."
"Oh, I couldn't do that! Every
body else gives something—the paper
is going around among the ladies of
our church, aud I should be mortified
to death to have Mrs. Ross Richard
sou or Marian Huntington call me
mean and stingy."
"I don't believe in cutting your
coat according to your neighbor's
cloth," said Laura dryly.
"Nor I, cither—but what is a body
to do? Oh, I must give something!"
Aud so Nelly went downstairs into
the neatly furnished little parlor,
where sat Mrs. Dean Pinkney, a
prodigious old lady with a mole upon
the side of her nose, a visible beard
on her upper lip, and such an amount
of jewelry hung about her that she
looked like a captive in black velvet
and gilded chains.
"You'll excuse my calling on you
at such a very early hour, Miss
Waters," said Mrs. Dean Pinkney,
surveying ~er victim through a gold
eye-glass.
"Oh, not at all," said Nelly, feebly.
"But," went on the old lady, "I
thought you would esteem it a privi
lege to contribute your mite toward
the needs of suileriug humauity."
"Of course," said Nelly, uneasily
twisting the turquoise ring upon her
finger, around and around.
"Here is the paper," said Mrs.
Dean Pinkney. "The other ladies of
the church have contributed liberally,
as you will see. I hope that your
heart and hand will be open also."
And Mrs. Dean Pinkney folded her
braceleted arms aud looked heaven
ward.
Nelly Waters glanced nervously
over the paper. Mrs. Syl vestry had
put down twenty-five dollars, Mis.
Wriothesley twenty, Helen Cauoble
ten; the other names became blurred
before her eyes in the excitement and
anxiety of the moment. She had sup
posed that a dollar or two would have
been the extent of the contribution
expected from her; but, with all these
antecedents before her eyes, how
could she venture to inscribe her
name for such a pitiful sum? And so,
with shaking pencil, she wrote down
"Ellen Waters, $5.00," and gave back
the paper, feeling iueffably small in
the eyes of Mrs. Dean Pinkney.
"Much obliged, I'm sure," said
that lady with a scarcely discernible
ring of contempt in her smooth ac
cents. "Would it be convenient to
you to pay the subscription now? Be
cause," with a sort of grim chuckle,
"I am quite a business woman, and
1 am making a ready-money trans
action of it."
Nelly Waters blushed scarlet. When
she had written down her subscrip
tion she had intended to meet it some
future time—this sudden demand took
her entirely unawares. Mortified aud
bitterly embarrassed, she was about
to mutter forth some excuse, when she
suddenly remembered that her father
had that morning given her five dol
lars to pay Bridget, the laundress,
and that the bill still lay in her pocket.
"Certainly—of course," she as
sented, with a little catcli in her
breath, as, drawing forth the money,
sho saw it absorbed in Mrs. Deau
Pinkuey's great, gold-clasped porte
monnaie.
So tho great lady waddled out and,
climbing into her clareuce, told the
coachman to drive to the house of her
next victim,and Nelly Waters returned
upstairs feeling very like a squeezed
orange.
"How much did you give?" asked
Laura Lisle.
"Five dollars," Nelly answered.
"Exactly five times more than I could
afford; but everybody else put down
at least double that,and I was ashamed
to appear atiugy or poverty-stricken."
"Charity begins at home," said
Laura, gravely.
And when Bridget Reilly came,
Nelly was forced to put her off with
excuses instead of cash.
"I'm so sorry, Bridget—but you
shall certainly havo the money next
week."
Bridget's honest face clouded over.
"But, Miss Nelly, the master towld
mo I could have it to-day, sure. And
the rent is due and the board for me
sister's ailing baby in the country,
and "
Tho consciousness of having done
wrong did not sweeten Nelly's tem
per.
"There, there, Bridget, don't be in-
Bolont," said she, biting her lip. "I
havo told you once that you could not
have tho money until next week. If
you will como then I will try to ac
commodate you."
Ho Bridget went away, with slow
steps and a heavy heart.
"Poor thing!" said Laura Lisle.
"Sho looked as if she wanted the
money. lam sorry for her."
"So am I," said Nelly, striving to
epeak lightly. "But whatcould I do?"
"I can't let you have the rent to
night Mr. Nolan," said Bridget, sad
ly, when the little hump-backed man
of whom she rented her one room made
his appearance, as usual, at her door.
Michael Nolan did not carry out ths
general idea of the "stern and griping
landlord," being |a mild, easy-going
old man, whose heart was open to
every piteous appeal.
"Not let me have it? But, Bridget,
woman, I must have it!" cried he. "]
can't make out the money for Jimmy's
California passage without it—and the
wife and children that are coming
down to San Francisco to meet him,
will be an expense another week. You
promised me, Bridget, and I depended
on your word ."
"I know that, sir," said Bridget,
meekly, "and if everyone, gentlo 01
simple, kept their word, there'd be
less trouble in this world of ours. Misr
Waters disappointed me, sir—and I'ir
sorry as ycu can be."
"Not quite, I guess," said Michae'
Nolan, slowly. "Because my Jimmy'f
a wild lad, and has got into bad com
pany, and another week among those
lads won't do him any good. I wai
in hopes I could have got him off bj
the steamer that sails to-morrow, but
if I can't I can't, and so there's an enc
of it."
And he turned away with a heavj
sigh.
"Let me see the list," said old Mr
Gilsey, taking it from his wife's hand
and scrutinizing it with eager,
spectacled eyes. "Ah! ah! yes, 'EI
leu Waters, live dollars.' And afte)
Waters only this morning telling me
he was 'straining every nerve to meet
his necessary expenses,' and nctuallj
having the face to ask me for auothei
five-tlioußand-dollar loau to tide ovei
this tight place in his business affairs.-
I wonder if he calls this a necessary
expense?"
"My dear, my dear," argued hii
wife, "you forget that this is in char- :
ity."
"Charity! Stuff and nonsense!"
barked out the old gentleman, using
Laura Lisle's very words: "charity
begins at home. Well, at any rate,
my eyes are opened. Waters may go
elsewhere for his money, and I shall
at once call in what 1 have been fool
enough to lend him."
Mr. Gilsey was as good—or rather
as bad—as bis word and two or three
days afterward poor Josiah Waters
came home from his store with bowed '
bead and melancholy face.
"Papa," cried Nellie, "what's th<
matter? Are you ill?"
"Heartsick, child," the merchant
answered. "Nelly, you must make
up your mind .to a great change ir
life. I have failed!"
"Failed, papa?"
"George Gilsey, upon whom I de
pended for financial aid and tolerance,
has suddenly turned against me. With
his aid I might possibly have weath
ered tho storm; without it my poor
little ship has gone to ruin. I had
told him how hard I was pressed; but
it seems he caught sight of some
charity subscription, in which youi
name was put down for a larger
amount than ho judged wise aud judi
cious, and—"
"Oh, papa!" sobbed out Nelly, "it
was Mrs. Dean Piukuey's subscrip
tion. But I have ruined you."
"Don't fret, my dear," said the old
man, kindly. "You'll be wiser some
of these days. And it's no use crying
for spilt milk."
Poor Nelly! She was punished
quite sufficiently for her siu. it was
well that she did not read the para
graph in the daily paper, wherein was
chronicled the sad death of Michael
Nolan's ne'er-do-well son, who was
killed in a drunken brawl on the even
ing of the very day 01; which he was
to have sailed for California. And
Ellen Waters paid the laundress, and
the laundress paid her landlord tho
five dollars, which went into Mrs.
Deun Pinkuey's purse for so-called
charity.
Aud that was the history of NMly
Waters' subscription.
A Performing Monkey.
I saw u performing monkey the
other day. He went through many
tricks very successfully. Toward the
eud of tho performance ho was or
dered to put on his cocked hat before
a band mirror—which he did. Ho was
next told to set it straight and lie tried
on bis general's headgear repeatedly,
at different angles, causing much
laughter. When all was over, and
the organ-man, his helpers, and the
two monkeys were preparing to de
part, I saw that "the general" had
possessed himself of the little mirror,
and was studying liis own countenance
with great delight, lie had placed
the glass on top of the barrel-organ,
and bo bent over il again and again
grimacing energetically. Ho after
ward picked up bis mirror and con
templated himself earnestly and con
tentedly at different angles. His face
had been profoundly sad —like the
faces of most monkeys I havo seen—
but now tho wrinkles smoothed them
selves out and lit nearly smiled.—
London News.
Watch the Items.
Every business man stops on Janu
ary 1 of each year aud takes a careful
inventory of his affairs His books
show him tho expenses of the year,
nnd it is rare indeed where a study of
these does not surprise him by show
ing into what a largo sum little items
will grow. If every clerk would also
scrutinize liis expenditures as care
fully for the year that is past, he
would be dull indeed if be did not
gain some new light, and rise from
the task with stronger resolutions for
the future.—Philadelphia Saturday
Evening Post.
The I.osa in llottle Cork*.
The waste of bottle corks may be
set down as enormous. Except in the
case of corks used for medicine
bottles, and for aerated waters which
are taken out without usiug the de
structivo corkscrew, there is infinite
dead hsa.
THE LIFE INSURANCE CURE.
A Dyliij: Bachelor Who Became Inter
ested in a I'lan for a Novel Funeral.
"X dot't know that life insurance ia
n cure for disease," said the retired
) fe insurance solicitor, "but I know
r f an instance which makes it look
1 tat way. In the town where I first
1 ogan business was a bachelor of
a jout fifty years, who was quite alone
in the world, and had some years be
fore taken out a five thousand dollar
policy on himself for the benefit of a
maiden sister, who had died a year
before the events of this story. He
kept liis policy going, however, be
cause it was a good way to save
money, and one day ho was taken
down with some kind of fever. Ho
grew worse day after day, untij one
day the doctor told him that he would
in all likelihood be dead within the
next twenty-four hours.
"This suggested his life insuiance
money, all lie had to leave, and he
immediately begeu to talk with the
doctor on the subject of a proper dis
posal of it. He concluded after some
thought that the best thing to do with
it was to blow it in on a tremendous
big funeral for himself, including a
banquet for all the people he knew.
This was an entirely new idea for a
funeral, and when the doctor left him
that night, to tho care of his nurse,
his mind was entirely occupied with
his funeral. He talked to the nurse
about it and when the nurse made
him stop he lay and thought about it.
In fact, he became so much interested
in the details of his funeral that he
quite forgot about having to die to
make it possible.
"In the morning when the doctor
came he found his patient in a wild
perspiration and his pulse beating in
much better fashion than it bad beeu
doing for some days. He also found
the general condition of the patient
much improved. He was greatly as
tonished, and at once began to ask
questions. The patient told him with
eager interest of a lot of new things
he had thought of for the funeral aud
some that bothered him a great deal
and said he had been thinking of it
all night. Then the doctor laughed
and told him he guessed the funeral
would have to be postponed for he
wasn't going to die, just then anyhow.
Nor did he, and he isn't dead yet, but
he is married aud has his policy paid
up for his wife's benefit."—New York
Sun.
A Saleagirl and Two Customer*.
Of course, customers are themselves
rery trying at times, but the clerk
who is scrupulously polite always has
the best of such encounters. That
reminds me, by the way, of an odd
little incident.
A few days ago one of our girls, who
somes from a distinguished and once
wealthy family, was waiting 011 an ill
tempered woman, who treated her
with such brutal rudeness that I was
strongly tempted to personally inter
fere. However, the clerk remained
perfectly calm and courteous, aud be
trayed not the faintest sign of annoy
ance.
Just then a lady who is recognized
is one of the society leaders of New
Orleans approached the counter and
gave the shopper a very frosty nod.
At the same moment she caught sight
Df the salesgirl, aud instantly dropped
her air of reserve, rushed up aud
icized her cordially by both hands.
"My dear child!" she exclaimed, "I
kin so glad to see you. Can't you aud
your mamma come to my little musi
cal to-morrow night?" With that she
sat down aud launched into geuoral
talk.
The first woman's face was a study.
She would evidently have given a
front tooth for an equally gracious
recognition, and she glared at the girl
with an expression between wrath and
awe. It was very funny. I was be
hind a pile of dress goods, aud
laughed myself tired.—New Orleans
Times-Democrat.
Vendetta of To-day.
It is through lack of information
that the vendetta is referred to to-day
as an institution of the past. Ven
dettas—blood feuds—exist to-day not
only in Sicily, Sardinia and Corsica,
but iu Kentucky uud other of tho
Southern and Western StateH, and
also at times in England, Ireland and
France, Italy and the East.
It lias happened lately that an Al
banian whose relative had been killed
by a Turkish Vizier shot tho Vizier's
sou—which is at least a partial exem
plification of the vendetta. In Arabia
tho system is to-day iu full operation,
a fact which is so well understood
that offenses sufficient to start a train
of killings are rarely committed, and
a considerable degree of order is
thereby preserved.
As ic is generally understood tho
vendetta originate I iu the following
practice: An assassin was never al
lowed to escape. The responsibility
of punishment was assumed by the
nearest blood relations of his victim.
There must be blood for blood, a
death for a death.
Peculiar Accident to a Woodcock.
ltecently a hunter started up a large
woodcock, which acted much differ
ently from any woodcock that he had
over seeu. Instead of rising up and
flying away rapidly, the bird circled
round and round, narrowly escaping
j a violent death by colliding with the
trees. When the bird was killed the
sportsman found that a large oak leaf
had been tho innocent cause of the
bird's peculiar actions. Iu scraping
around tlie woods for its dinner the
j woodcock had run its bill through a
large leaf, which so obscured its sight
that it was impossible for it to guide
1 itself iu the air. Tho sudden pres
ence of the hunter had started the
bird before it had time to remove the
leaf with its feet, and iu this handi
capped condition it had wobbled about
iu the air until it was shot.
The population of Jerusalem is 45,
000. Of these 28,000 are Hebrews.
I NEW YORK FBHIOK I
1 Designs For Costumes That Have Be- fl
jg come Popular in the Metropolis. ■
New Yor.K City (Special).—What
nearly every woman aspires to own for
her winter wearing is a directoire made
wholly of velvet, its wide upturned
rounding brim faced with white waved
fir'
"la belle eldobado."
chifton, and the crowning glory of it a
rhinestone sunburst set aside at the
base of the brim, where it flares up
from the face.
The suuburst is really the corner
Rtone round which the properly de
signed directoire is built, aud aside
from its virtues as an ornament it
serves the noble purpose of bracing
back the brim so that it forms the
proper sort of arch above tho face.
Whether the crown of her directoire
rakes exaggeratedly forward or not,
whether the whole hat itself is coin
posed of velvet that ia of the common
place weave, or that variety known as
antique, are almost unimportant de
tails of the woman who has staked all
her claims to beauty on her strings.
Tho directoire that is a force in the
millinery realms always has strings,
HOUSE GOTVV. STREET OOWN. IMXSER GOWX.
but as yon hold dear your hopes of j
looking your best in your new winter
hat, don't invest in ribbon strings.
The most popular lint seen at the j
recent horse show is the "La Belle I
Eldorado," which style is often worn
by Mrs. John R. Drexel, Mrs. Joseph
Widener, Mrs. William E. Carter, of
Philadelphia, and other prominent
women.
It is a tlaring round turban in style,
worn off the face, and is usually of
nable or chinchilla, with a huge choux ;
velvet or tulle in front.
Three Fetching Costume,*.
Good-l>y to the perfectly plain skirt, j
The Paquin plait, a single box plait of j
medium width running right down the
middle of the skirt's back, and fastened j
Duly at the waistband so that it flares
gracefully at the hem, is the hallmark
of all the newest dress skirts and most
acceptably. No woman of good taste
can but hail the eclipse of the plain
skirt with delight, and everybody must |
realize the increase of comfort entailed
by the Paquin plait. Gowns may con- j
tiuuo to sweep the streets and to wind i
themselves inextricably about the
wearers' heels, but so long as tlioy do
not deprive her of the privilege of sit
ting down—which is what the late un
lamouted plain skirt succeeded in do
ing—she can forgive much.
In the large engraving three of the
most popular types of gowns, taken 1
from Harper's Bazar, are shown.
House or reception gown is of white j
cloth with lace applique at the bottom ;
of the over-skirt. A tight-fitting waist
of cream guipure lace, with short
jacket of tucked white taffeta com
plete the costume.
The street gown is of green elotli
trimmed with bands of machine stitch
lug and edged with black Persian
lamb fur. Tho inside waist is of dark
green velvet.
The figured silk dinner gown is
trimmed with ruffles and flounces of
pleated taffeta silk. Lace rovers are j
on the front and back of waist, and
bauds of lace insertion outline the ruf
> ties on the over-skirt.
[ The Newest Feminine Fancy.
"The newest thing to wear is a set
of bags hanging from your belt, made
of tho same material as your tailor
made suit," writes Edith Lawrence in
the Ladies' Home Journal. "For in
stance, Gladys describes a set of three
to me which she had just made of the
cheviot, a sort of mixed stuff, such as
I her gown was made of. One was for
her poeketbook, one for her card case
aud ono for her pocket haudkerchief.
They were different sizes and were
lined with silk. They were suspend
ed by narrow bands of cloth, which
were stitched on both sides and stiff
ened."
Patching; Small <<lnvc.
When a glove is too small and
splits, it is worse tliau useless to sew
up the re. t; it must be patched. The
patch must be of kid of the same color.
Turn the part inside out, having
trimmed tho hole rouud so that the
edges are even, and cut the patch of
kid to the right size. Then, witlitiue
needle and cotton, sew in the patch,
taking care only to take up the inside
of the kid and to keep the seam Hat.
If this Vie doue neatly, the glove will
be nearly as good as new.
Cnrl Cam** For Women.
The newest card cases are of fine
leather, with a jewel set in the' clasp
like tho parent fastener on gloves, ex
cept that they clasp through a but
tonhole in order to show on the out
side. Genuiue stones only are used
by the best dressed women. Often
the birth stone is chosen, although
the diamond, pink pearl aud sapphire
are shown mostly in the best jewelry
stores.
Worcln of th Prophet.
The prophet says:
That sleeves are not so tight byauy
means as they arc going to be.
| 'That tho box plait means skirts
fuller and gradually more full.
That by spring draperies will be in
sight.
That the vogue of tho bolero will
continue.
j That for evening dress the most
fashionable materials will be velvet in
j combination with transparent stud's.
The Most Popular Uoilke.
! A novel neck arrangement ;s the
I chief feature of the bodice pictured in
the accompanying cut from tHo New
York Sun. The throat is open both
back and front and there isno attempt
at finish beyond the narrow, Hat lines
of omtroidery baudiug tUe shoulders
and beading the blouse part of the
corsage both back and front. Blaok
lisso embroidered in gold and mounted
upon black satin are the materials om-
NOVEIi SUCK ATtItAXOEMENT.
! ployed; the embroidery is gold thread
j upon black satin ribbon. The double
) curving bands holding the bodice ful
] ness in place upon the shoulders is i
notewoitliy detail. The sleeves are
lined and have a caplike epaulet of
Iho embroidered lisse edged with
black lace. Lace frills are at tilt
wrists.
I THE C;.:L AT HOME.
Ohi the big round :-toon 's a-fHUn' all the
camp with si or light,
And amongst the 1 ns and bushes dodge
the fireflies bk nnd bright,
And the boys rolled i their blankets sleep
ns silent as the dead,
And the night-wind rustles softly lu the
palm leaves overhead.
I can hear the guurd a-walkin', and oil
somewhere, pretty far,
There's u native woman slngln' and n
thumpln' a guitar;
And the music sets me dreamin' and my
thoughts are bound to roam
To the girl that sings supraner in our
meet'n' house at home.
Round me bends the feathered grasses with
the dew a-shlnin' wet,
And tho palm tree 'gainst the sky-lino
makes a ragged silhouette,
And that old guitar a-plunklu' isn't just a
concert band,
And tho sing's in Filipino, so Ido not un
derstand ;
But there's magic in it, surely, for it takes
me far away,
Till the smell of tropic flowers turns to that
of new mown hay,
And I'm lis'nin', carried somehow oyer
miles and miles of foam,
To the girl that sings supraner in our
meet'n* house at home.
I'm a-sottin' dressed for Sunday, in V cold
familiar pew,
And I hour tho parson dronin' like ho never
would get through;
I can see tho sunshine streamiu' through
the window's colored stalu,
And I smell cologne and camphor; yes, and
pep'miut, plain as plain.
I can hoar Aunt Hannah coughin', I can
hoar old Jenkins snore.
And tho hymn book, pages rustle as the
people thumb 'ota o'er;
And I hoar the sweet notes rising upward
towards the heaveuly dome,*
As that girl, she sings supraner in our
meet'n' house at home.
But the old guitar stops playln'and the
singln' 's ended, too,
And my Sunday clothes aro tuinln' khaki
brown and army blue;
And the cburcli In ohi New Euglund is once
more a forest black,
Full of Maluy heathens hopiu' they may
shoot rae in the back.
But I thank that native woman lor the
comfort of her song,
And I hope the mail-boat's hustlin* that's
a-comin' from Hong Kong,
For I know it brings a letter, o'er the South
Pacific's foam,
From the girl that sings supraner in car
meet'n' house at home.
—Joo Lincoln, In Tuck.
PITH AND POINT.
An honest expert is ouo who forms
no opinion before receiving his re
tainer.—Puck.
Landlady—"How do you like your
eggs?" New hoarder "Fresh,
please."—Chicago News.
"The automobile is in its infancy.'
"Well, I hope when it grows up it will
make less noise."—Puck.
"Mrs. Canter doesn't seem to he
rising rapidly in society." "No; she
hasn't learned yet how important it is
to snub the right people."—Puck.
Mrs. McPhidget—"Who wrote the
song, 'There's Only One Girl in the
World for Me?'" Mr. McPhidget—
"Adam, I guess."—Harper's Bazar.
Mabel—"Woulc you marry a man
who had been refused?" Lolly—"If
he were rich and the refusing had been
by tho insurance companies."—Life.
"Our wedding trip is all too short,"
She said, witli muffled sigh.
••Well, maybe so," he groaned, "but it's
Not half so short us I."
—Life.
Magazine Editor—"So you think it
is a great improvement to uso these
tail-pieces?" Friend—"Yes. They
do away with the quatrains you used
to print."—Life.
"How man}* fellows have called on
your sister this week?" "Five."
"That doesn't include me, does it?"
"O, no, sister says you don't count."
—New York Journal.
He—"Marie, can you tear yourself
away from your loving lather'* roof,
and go with me?" She—"Metcy—
yes; this isn't his roof; we're just
renters."—Detroit Free Press.
"Papa," said the missionary work
er's little daughter, "I am playing
that my dolls are heathen." "That is
nice, dear." "And—and—papa, I
want ten cents to pay my salary."—
Puck.
"Goodness! Where did the Jonoses
get that big silver loving cup that 19
in their parlor window?" "Why, it
was given to them by the neighbors
that used their lawn mowiSr and tele
phone ull summer."—lndianapolis
Journal.
Naval Men a* Orator*.
In an address at Fall lUver, Cap
tain Sigsbee of the Texas told this
story illustrative of the fact that naval
men made no pretense at being ora
tors:
"It is difficult for me," said Captain
Sigsbee, "to be required to make a
speech, and I am in the situation of
the old sailor who was fond of tea,
and was devoted to the people who
served it. But this old sailor had no
sooiety manners, and had never at
tended an afternoon tea. Ho was
afraid of the ladies, but in some way
be was forced to an afternoon tea. Ha
went almost in despair, and when ho
got back to his ship his mates said:
" 'Brown, did you go to the tea? 1
'I did.'
" 'How did you feel there?'
11 'I felt like a sperm whale doing
crochet work.' " (Laughter and ap
plause.)— Boston Globe.
Kuuvr III* Brush.
Carlo was a dog, and had boon
taught to carry parcels homo from the
shops of his master. Sometimes, if
they wero going further, the article
that had been purchased would be
pointed out to the dog, and he would
be sent back for it later on.
Ono day a brush was bought in this
way aucl when Carlo was sent hack
for it the inau had forgotten to cut
the string that tied it to a whole bun
dle of other brushes and pack it up.
Carlo recognized the brush and,
without waiting to have it given him,
seized it in his mouth and made off—
of course carrying tho other brushes
with him. Tho shopkeeper gave
chase, shouting "Stop thief!" but
Carlo only scampered oil the faster,
and carried tho brushes triumphantly
to bis master.