Freeland Tribune
Established 1888.
PUBLISHED EVERY
MONDAY AND THURSDAY,
BV TH
TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. Limited
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The automobile lends itself to the
art and science of war with peculiar
cordiality. We have "motor scouts,"
and "war motor cars, 1 ' and according
to the logic of events we shall have
ether implements which will render
the tented field more dangerous than
ever. This "war motor, "by the way,
is something to contemplate with awe.
The thing is armor plated, so says the
latest reports, and has a ram at each
end. Besides this, it carries two
rapid fire guns, and has a revolving
turret and a searchlight. It will be
"Look ont for the locomotive when
the boll rings," if that machine gets
started in your direction.
An absurd article by Lombroso, in
the Pall Mall Magazine, on "An Epi
demic of Kisses in America," has very
naturally caused the sanity of the
Italian sociologist to be questioned.
Doubtless he is sane enough to go at
large, but doubtless also the balance
of his faculties is sufficiently impaired
to make it impossible for him to see
his fellow-creatures as they are. He
sees men not as trees walking, but as
itinerant mental diseases. Specialists
are apt to beoome cranks and to lose
something of their sense of propor
tion. Lombroso's ease is notoriously
and obviously one in point. He has
raised so many spooks, and so accus
tomed himself to see them, that he is
no longer able to distinguish between
the sociological spectre and tbe real
man.
In Massachusetts it has just been
decided that the sanitary condition of
picnic grounds and summer resorts in
general is not all that might be, and
with a view to improving it the State
Board of Health has undertaken to
mako a careful examination of all
these places. Special attention will
be paid to the sources of water supply,
and it is believed that by suggesting,
and when necessary by enforcing, a
general cleaning up, the number of
typhoid fever cases among people re
turning from vacations can be ma
terially decreased. The idea is ob
viously an excellent one, for ignorance
and carelessness combine to render
many summer resorts far from the
healthful abodes tbey are supposed to
be by a trusting public. Every fall
the mortality rate of cities is raised
by deaths, the seeds of which are
sown scores or hundreds of miles
away.
He Didn't Bite.
"I never can tell a story aud have
it oome out all right," said a little
woman plaintively the other day. "I
thought I had such a good one not
long ago. I was walking along and
heard one street boy say to another,
'Oh. you go buy ten cents' worth of
potash.' 'What for?' says No. 2. 'For
ten cents,' yelled the other, and ran
off giggling.
"I thought it was pretty good, and
I'd try it on Charlie at supper. But
when I told him to go buy ten cents'
worth of potash he never said a word,
and I know another joke had fallen
flat and kept still. But the worst was
later. He put on his hat and van
ished after supper, coming back in a
minute witli a little parcel, that he
hgpdei to me. J''
; " that?' asked I. ' '
" 'Why, the potash you said you
wanted,' answered he, and I nearly
had hysterics on the spot. Did you
ever bear anything so perfectlyawful?
I won't over try to get off anything
fanny again."
And the little woman sighed as she
walked away.
,£■ ,
Scotland has forty-six parishes
without paupers, poor rates or publio
houses.
GTIH\H In th* Clßnrct Trn<l.
In 1889 the total production of cigar
ets in the United States was 2,lm,uui),-
000. For the next eight years there
was a steady increase in the number
produced. In 1897 it reached the as
tonishing total of 4,063,000,000. Then
came the agitation against cigarets,
and the tax was advanced from 50
cents to $1.50 a thousand. The effect
was that in the fiscal year ending June
80, 1899, only 3,735,000,000 cigarots
were made. In spite of this fact the
exportation of American cigarets has
steadily increased. In 1889 the total
taxes paid on cigarets amounted to
$4,203,000, an increase of $610,000 ovi
the previous year.
I A TRUE STORY OF THE SOUTH SEAS!
SF BY LOUIS BECKE AND WALTER JEFFERY.
C~?T is well recognized
that some yarns of
yau exceedingly
chausen-like char
acter have been
spun—and printed
—by men of their
adventures in Aus
tralian waters, or
in the South Seas,
but an examination of such stories by
anyone with personal knowledge of
the Pacific and Australasia has soon,
and very deservedly so, knocked the
bottom out of them. Yet there are
stories of Sonth Sea adventure, well
authenticated, which are not a whit
less wonderful than the most marvel
ous falsehood that any man "has yet
told and lived.' And the story of
what bei ell John Itenton is one of
them. A file of the Queenslander
(the leading Queensland weekly news
paper) for 1875 will corroborate his
story; for that paper gave the best
account of his adventures in one of
their November (1875) numbers, and
the story was copied into nearly every
paper in Australasia.
Like Harry Bluff, John Kenton
"when a boy left his friends and hiß
home, o'er the wild ocean waves all
his life for to roam." Ronton'shome
was in Stromness, in the Orkneys,
and he shipped on board a vessel
bound to Sydney, in 1867, as an
ordinary seaman, he being then a lad
of eighteen. When in Sydney he got
about among the boarding houses, in
"sailor town," and one morning woke
up on the forecastle of the Beynard
of Boston, bound on a cruise for
guano among the South Pacific
Islands.
Benton had been crimped, and,
finding himself where he was,bothered
no more about it, but went cheerfully
to work, not altogether displeased at
the prospect of new adventures,which
would enable him, by-aud-by, to go
back to the old folks with plenty of
dollars, and a stock of startling yarns
to reel off. He was a steady, straight
forward lad, though somewhat
thoughtless at times, and resolved to
be a steady,straightforward man. The
vessel first went to the Sandwich
Islandß, aud there shipped a gang of
Hawaiian natives to help load the
guano. Then she sailed away to the
southward for McKean's Island, one
of the Phtenix Group, situated about
latitude 30 degrees 35 minutes S., and
longitude 174 degrees 20 minutes W.
On board the Beynard was an old
salt known to all bands as "Boston
Ned." He had been a whaler in his
time, had deserted, aud spent some
years beach-combing among the islands
of the South Seas. And very soon,
through his specious tongue, he had
all hands wishing themselves clear of
the "old hooker," and enjoying life in
the islands instead of cruising about,
hazed here and there and everywhere
by mates of the Reynard, whose main
purpose in life was to knock a man
down in order to make him "sit up."
Presently three or four of the bauds
became infatuated with the idea of
settling on an island; and Old Ned,
nothing loth, undertook to take charge
of the party if they would make an at
tempt t to (clear from the ship. The
old man had taken a fancy to young
Benton. And the youngster, when
the idea was imparted to him, fell in
with it enthusiastically; for he was
exasperated with the treatment he had
received on board the guano-man (the
after-guard of an American guano ship
are a rough lot). The ship was lying
on aud off the land, there being no
anchorage, and before the plan had
been discussed more tbau a few hours,
the men, five persons in all, determined
to put it into execution.
A small whaleboat was towing astern
of the vessel, in case the wind should
fall light and the ship drift in too
close to the shore. It was a fine
night, with a light breeze, and there
was, they thought, a good chance of
getting to the southward to one of the
Samoan Group, where they could set
tle; or, by shipping on board a trad
ing schooner there, might later on
strike some other island to their
fancy.
By stealth they managed to stow in
the boat a couple of small breakers of
water, holding, together, sixteeu gal
lons, and tbe forecastle bread barge,
with biscuits enough for three meals
a day per man for ten days. They
managed also to steal four hams, and
each man brought pipes, tobacco aud
matches. A harpooij with some line,
and old galley frying pan", mast,
sail and oars, and some blankets
completed the equipment. For they
took 110 compass, though they made
Bpveral attempts to get at one
slung in the cabin, and tried
at first to take one out of the poop
binnacle, but the officer of the watch
on deck was too wide awake for them
to risk that, and the cabin compass
was screwed to the roof close to the
skipper's berth. So the old man who
was their leader, old sailor and whaler
as he was, actually gave up the idea
of taking a compass, aud those people
without more ado one night slipped
over the side into the whale, out the
painter, and by daylight the boat was
out of sight of land aud of the ship.
They were sailing upon the Pacific,
running six or soven miles bofnre a
strong northeast breeze aud expected
to sight land in loss than a week, and
were already anticipating the free
dom and luxury of island life in store
for them.
Three days later it fell calm, and
they had to take to the oars. The
sun was perpendicular, the sea a sheet
of glass reflecting baek upon them the
ball of fir© overhead. Now and then
a catspaw would iipplo across the
plain of water, but there were no
clouds, there was no sight of land.
They kept on pulling. For three—
for four days—a week—for ten days
—they tugged at the oars, except
when a savoring breeze came. The
water was reduced to a few pints, the
food to a few half days' rations.
Their limbs were cramped, so that
they could not move from their places
in the boat, their bodies were becom
ing covered with sores, and the wind
had now died away entirely; the sea
was without a ripple, and forever
shone above the fierce, hot sun.
Gradually it had dawned upon them
that they were lost—that perhaps they
had run pnst Samoa. The insanity of
their adventure gave place to despair,
and by degrees their despair grew to
madness of a more awful kind.
On the fifteenth day there appeared
to the south and east a low, dark-gray
cloud. "Land at last!" was the un
spoken thought in each man's heart
as he looked at his comrade, but
feared to voice his hope. And pres
ently the cloud grew darker and more
clearly defined, and one of the men,
the next oldest to the author of all
their miseries, fell upon his weak and
trembling knees and raised his hands
in thankfulness and prayer to the
Almighty. Alas! it was not land, but
the omnious forerunner of the fierce
and sweeping mid-equatorial gale,
which lay veiled behind. In less than
half au hour it came upon and smote
them with savage fury, and the little
boat was running before a howling
gale and a maddened, foam-whipped
sea.
And then it happenod that, ill and
suffering as he was from the agonies
of hunger and thirst, the heroic na
ture of old "Boston Ned" came out,
and his bold sailor's heart cheered
and encouraged his wretched, despair
ing companions. All that night, and
for the greater part of the following
day, he stood in the stern sheets,
grasping the bending steer oar as the
boat swayed and surged along before
tbe gale, and constantly watching lost
she should broach to and smother in
the roaring seas, The others lay in
the bottom, feebly bailing out the
water, encouraged, urged and driven
to that exertion by the gallant old
American seaman.
Towards noon the wind moderated;
in the afternoon it died away alto
gether, and again the boat lay rising
and falling to the long Pacific swell,
and "Boston Ned" flung his exhaust
ed frame down in the stern sheets and
slept.
Again the blood-red sun leaped
from a Bea of glassy smoothness—for
the swell had subsided during the
night—and again the wretched men
looked into each other's dreadful
faces and mutely asked what was to
be done. How should they head the
boat? Without a compass they might as
well steer one way as another, for none of
them knew even approximately the
eoursb for the nearest land. Searoh
the oloudless vault of blue above, or
scan the shimmering sea-rim till their
aching eyes dropped from out their
hollowing sockets, there was no olue.
Twenty days out the last partiole
of food and water had been consumed,
and though the boat was now steer
ing as near westward as old Ned could
judge, before a gentle southeast
trade, madness and despair were com
ing quickly upon them, and on the
twenty-third day two of the five
miserable creatures began to drink
copiously of salt water—the drink of
death.
Ronton, though he had suffered to
the bitter full from the agonies of
body and mind endured by his ship
mates, was not one of these, and by a
merciful Providenoe remained sane
enough to turn his face away from the
water. But, as he lay crouched iu a
heap iu the bottom of the boat, with
a silent prayer iu his heart to his
Creator to quickly end his sufferings,
he heard "Boston Ned," and the
only remaining sane man except him
self, muttering hoarsely together and
looking sometimes at him and some
times at the two almost dying men
who lay moaning beside him. Presently
the man who was talking to Ned,
pulled out of his blanket—which lay
iu the stern sheets—a razor, and
turning his back to Renton, began
stropping it upon the sole of his
boot, and even "Boston Ned" himself
looked with awful eves and blood
baked, twitohinglips upon the young
ster. " :
The lad saw what was coming, and
as quickly as possible made his way
forward aud sat there, with his eyes
fixed upon the two men aft, waiting
for the struggle which he thought
must soou begin. All that day and
the night he sat and watched, deter
mined to make a fight for the little
life which remained in him, and Ned
and the other man at times still mut
tered and eyed him wolfishly.
And so, on and on, these seeming
outcasts of God's mercy sailed before
the warm breath of the southeast
trado wind, above them the blazing
tropio sun, around them the wide
sailless expanse of the blue Pacifio,
unbroken in its dreadful loneliness
except for a gray-winged booby or
flocks of whale birds floating upon
its gentle swell, and within their all
but deadened hearts naught but grim
despair and a dulled sense of coining
dissolution.
Aa he sat thus, supporting his
swollen head upon his skeleton hands,
Benton saw something astern moving
slowly after the boat—something that
he knew was waiting and following
for the awful deed to be done, so thai
it, too, might share in the dreadful
feast.
Raising his bony arm, he pointed
toward the moving fin. $o him a
shark meant no added horror or
danger to their position, but possibly
deliverance. "Boston Ned" and the
other man first looked at the coming
shark, and then with sunken eyes
again turned to Renton. Voices none
of them had, and Renton's parched
tongue could not articulate but with
signs and lip movements he tried to
make the other two men understand.
No shark hook had they, nor if
they had had one had they anything
with which to bait it. But Renton,
crawling off, picked up the harpoon,
placed it in "Boston Ned's" hands,
and motioned to him to stand by.
Then, with eager, trembling hands,
he stripped from his legs the shreds
of trousers which remained on them,
and, Bitting upon the gunwale of the
boat, hung one limb over and let it
trail in the water.
Three times the shark came up, and
thrice Ned prepared to strike, but each
time the horrid ranger of the seas
turned aside and dived as it caught
sight of the waiting figure with weap
on poised above. But at last hunger
prevailed, and swimming slowly up
till within a few yards of the boat, it
made a sudden dash for the bait,
missed it, and the harpoon, deftly
darted by the old ex-whaler, clove
through its tough skin and buried
itself deep into its body.
It took the worn-out, exhausted
men a long time to haul alongside and
dispatch the struggling monster,
which, says Renton, was ten feet in
length.
Then followed shark's flesh and
shark's blood, some of the former,
after the first raw meal, being cooked
on a fire made of the biscuit barge,
upon a wet blanket spread in the bot
tom of the boat. The hot |weather,
however, soon turned the remaining
portion putrid; but two or three days
later camo God's blessed rain, and
gave them hope and life again. They
managed to save a considerable quan
tity of water, and though the shark's
flesh was in a horrible condition,
they continued to feed upon it until
the thirty-fifth day.
On this day they saw land, high and
well-wooded, but now the trade winds
failed them, and for the following two
days the unfortunate mon contended
with baffling light airs, calms and
strong currents. At last they
within a short distanoe of the shore,
and sought for a landing place
through the surrounding surf.
Suddenly four or five canoes darted
out from the shore. They were filled
with armed savages, whose aspect and
demeanor warned old Ned that he and
his comrades were among cannibals.
Sweeping alongside the boat, the sav
ages seized the white men, who were
all too feeble to resist or even move,
put them into their [canoes and con
veyed them on shore, fed them, and
treated them with muoh apparent
kindness. Crowds of natives from
that part of the island—whioh was
Malayta, one of the Solomon group—
came to look at them, and one man, a
chief, took a fancy to Renton and
claimed him as his own especial
property.
Renton never saw the rest of his
companions again, for they were re
moved to the interior of the island—
probably sold to some of the bush
tribes; the "man-a-bush," as the
coastal natives called them. Their
fate is not difficult to guess, for the
people of Malayta were then, as they
are now, cannibals.
On August 7th, 1875, the Queens
land labor recruiting schooner Bobtail
Nag was cruising off the ieland, trad
ing for yams, and her captain heard
from some natives who came alongside
that there was a white man living
ashore in a village about ten miles
distant. The skipper of the Bobtail
Nag at onoe offered to pay a handsome
prioo if the man was brought on board,
and at the cost of several dozen Birm
ingham steel axes and some tobacco,
poor Kenton's release was effected.
He told his rescuers that the people
among whom he had lived hnd tnken
a great fancy to him, and had treated
him with great kindness.
If the reader will look at a chart of
the South Pacific he will see, among
the Phmnix Group, the position of
McKean's Island; two thousand miles
distant, westward and southward, is
the island of Malayta, upon which
Kenton and his companions in misery
drifted.—Ainslee's Magazine.
The Farmers of the Sea.
The average value of the product of
agricultural lauds per acre or square
mile is often computed, but probably
few of us have seen similar computa
tion* relating to the soa. Professor
Ileusens, writing in the German geo
graphical periodical Globus, has fig.
ured out an average of this sort for
the North Sea,which is well known to
be one of the world's great sources of
value derived from fisheries. He says
the value of the fish caught in the
North Sea yearly by the countries bor
dering it is about $11,000,000. The
yearly catch is never known to be less
than $37,500,000 nor more than 345,-
000,000. The North Sea, including
the Skuger Rak, or gulf between the
southern part of Norway and Sweden,
has an area of 225,884 square miles,
and therefore the average value of the
North Sea fisheries each year is $18.15
for every square mile of the sea.
Wonderful James Ryder liandall.
James Ryder Randall, the Tyrtaous
of the Civil War, author of "Mary
land, My Maryland," "The Sole Sen
try," "The Battle Cry of the South,"
etc., declared that he could read two
columns of a newspaper at the samo
time, provided they were on different
subjeots. I suppose he uses one eye
on each column. His optics are a pair
of rapid rectilinear stereo lenses.—
New York Press,
WE MAY GROW TRUFFLES
A LOT SENT HERE FROM FRANCE
FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSES.
Experts of the Department of Agricul
tare Believe That the Industry Can
lie Established in This Country—ln
creasing Uses For Truffles.
The United States Department of
Agriculture has received from S"ro
fessor Walter T. Swingle, one of the
agriculture explorers sent abroad to
look for rare and valuable Beeds and
plants likely to he grown with profit
in this country, a number of seeds,
plants and artioles of food which it is
thought may prove of value to the
American produoer and consumer.
All of these will bo experimented with
by the Division of Seed and Plant In
troduction within a short time.
I fAmong the things sent over from
France are a lot of truffles, an article
of food which can in all probability be
produced with profit here. In France
the truffle industry is growing rapid
ly, and promises within a Bhort time to
become one of great value to agricul
turists. Professor Swingle believes
that we can produce in this country
all the truffles we need, whereas now
we import every one that goes on the
table. The truffle industry in France
has in the last few years increased
rapidly, and now amounts to more
than 85,000,000 annually, nnd such is
the demand for truffles that from a
mere side-issue on the part of farmers
their cultivation has developed into a
regular business of great profit.
Truffle raising is very interesting,
and in order to oarry it on success
fully one must have considerable skill
and patience. Truffles, it is well
known, are a fungus growth like
mushrooms, but instead of growing
on the surface they are found from
ten to twelve inches below the ground
clinging to roots of trees, and it re
quires the aid of trained hogs or dogs
to discover them. The odor is very
strong and penetrating, and is gener
ally esteemed powerfully fragrant. In
its uncooked state the truffle is con
sidered by some to possess a very
agreeable taste. Like mnshrooms
there are various species, some of
which are worthless and dangerous,
but these are easily distinguished
from the edible truffle. Truffles are
raised in England, Italy' and France,
but the Freuoh truffle is by far the
best. Professor Swingle procured
his truffles from the choioe of the
Paris markets, and if the department
succeeds in , introducing them into
this country they will be of the best
quality. A few years ago good truffles
were rarely found in English markets;
they could be obtained only in
France, but as the demand increased
the French turned their attention to
the cultivation of the tuber, and now
forests are being planted every year
solely for raising them. Forests that
were long thought to be valueless for
the timber growing in them have late
ly been found to possess great value
for the production of truffles. Indeed,
truffle forests within the past few
years have increased so much in value
that the taxes upon them have been
quadrupled.
The truffle grows from July ftill
autumn or winter, is' found only in
oak, beech and birch trees, and re
quires a peculiar soil, a rich clayey
earth. Professor Harkness, of the
Academy of Sciences, believes that the
forests of California and the Caro
linas can produoe the finest kinds of
truffles. There are species of truffles
now found in California, but they are
hardly fit to eat, and in order to in
troduce the industry into this coun
try it will be necessary to plant the
ihiporte<} tubers, and experiment
with them on different kind of trees.
It is thought that there are .plenty of
trees in the forests of this country
that will produce good trufflesj|nnd if
they are onoe successfully grown it
will afford a large source of income to
agriculturists, for a3 their various
uses become better known the de
mand will increase accordingly. In
France the best truffles are sold for as
much as $4 a pound. Inferior truffles
can be bo bought from $1 up; and
the wholesale price varies from sixty
cents to 82 a pound.
The French truffle is globular in
shape, and in color a bright brown
or black with polygonal warts cover
ing it. The mature flesh is blackish
gray, marbled with whito veins. The
ordor is very pleasant, especially
when the tubers are young, and then
somewhat resembles that of a straw
berry. With age the odor gets very
strong, but is never offensive. There
is another truffle found in France,
which sometimes grows iu cultivated
fields where there are willows, oaks
and poplars. It is known as
the false truffle, and is some
times found on the surface
of the ground. It is gathered quite
extensively in Epping Forest by
Italians and Frenchmen, and sold to
the inferior restaurants of London
where Continental dishes are served.
It is a worthless, offensive, and, pos
sibly dangerous fungus. Some per
oat truffles raw, raw, sliced, and dipped
in oil or egg, but the more general
uses are in connection with game,
eggs, etc., although the increased pro
duction has naturally extended their
use as a food, and now in France and
England thero are dozens of ways of
preparing the truffle by itself, and all
ore said to be appetizing and delicious.
When the truffle is eateu raw the taste
is sweet and sugary.
It is by the odor of the truffle that
its presenco in tho earth is detected,
but man alone cannot readily discover
it. Squirrels, hogs, dogs, and other
animals frequently dig up truffles
and devour them, and it has been
necessary to train the hogs and dogs
to point out the places where they grow
without eating them. Pigs will al
ways eat truffles and dogs will do so
occasionally, and it is, therefore, usual
to give the trained pig or dog a small
piece of cheese or some like reward
each time it is successful iu finding
one.
Truffles are reproduced by spores,
bodies which serve the same purpose
as seeds in flowering-plants. In true
truffles the spores are borne in trans
parent sacs, from four to eight spores
in each. These sacs are imbedded in
vast numbers—in the flesh of the truf
fle. Iu false truffles the spores are
free, and borne on minute spicules,
or supports.
WISE WORDS.
No one has a right to frown. —Se-
lected.
Fame is the perfume of heroio
deeds.
There is nothing more daring than
ignorance.
A generous action is its own re
ward.—Walsh.
Hunger and cold may be borne, but
injustice never.
It is hard to fight with passion; for
it buys with life.
A happy bridemaid makes a happy
bride.—Tennyson.
A moment of time may make us un*
happy forever.—Gay.
A good heart is better than all the
heads in the world.—Bulwer Lytton.
A good book is the best of friends,
the same to-day and forever. —Martin
Tupper.
The age of persecution includes
everything this side of eternity.—
Socrates Smith.
Sympathy, a cheap commodity
which is sometimes hard to get.—The
Devil's Dictionary.
If a little knowledge is dangerous,
where is the man who has so much as
to be out of danger?
For to cast away a virtuous friend,
I call as bad as to cast away one's own
wife, which one loves best.
A great poet, like a great peak,
must sometimes be allowed to have
his head in the clouds.—Augustine
Birrell.
A good cause needs not to be pa
troned by passions; it can sustain it
self upon a temperate dispute.—Sir
T. Browne.
All politeness is owing to liberty.
We polish one another and rub off
our corners and rough sides by a sort
of amicable collision. To restrain
this is inevitably to bring a rus; upon
men's understandings.
"Get It."
In 1875, when Professor Alexander
Graham Bell was in Washington, he
called on Professor Joseph Henry, the
veteran scientist, who was then Sec
retary of the Smithsonian Institute.
Bell explained to Henry his idea of a
telephone, and later wrote to liis par
ents in Canada as follows:
"I felt so much encouraged from
his (Professor Henry's) interest, that
I determined to ask his advice about
the apparatus I have designed for the
transmission of the human voice by
telegraph. I explained the idea and
said:
" 'What would you advise me to do,
publish it and let others work it out,
or attempt to solve the problem my
self?'
"He said he thought it was the
germ of a great invention and advised
me to work it out myself instead of
publishing.
"I said I recDgnized that there
mechanical difficulties in the way that
rendered the plan impracticable at the
present time. I added that I felt that
I had not the electrical knowledge
necessary to overcome tho difficulties.
His laconic auswer was:
" 'Get it.'
•'I cannot tell yon liow much those
two words encouraged me. I live too
much in an atmosphere of discourage
ment for scientific pursuits. Such a
chimerical idea us telegraphing vocal
sounds would, indeed, to most minds
seem scarcely feasible enough to
spend time in working over, I be
lieve, however, that it is feasible, and
I have got the cue to the solution."
—Electrical Review.
Stealing a Victory With Dummy Guno.
An illustration of the "audacious
impudence" of our privateersmen is
had in the case c? the Paul Joues, of
New York. This vessel put to sea at
the outbreak of the War of 1812 with
a complement of 120 men, but with
only three guns.
Almost her first prize was the heav
ily armed British merchantman Has
san, carrying fourteen guns, but with
only twenty men, though her cargo
was worth some $200,000. The Paul
Jones, though carrying only three
guns, was pierced for seventeen. It
is said that the commander of the
Paul Jones sawed off some spare
masts to the length of guns, painted
them black, nnd, being mounted on
buckets, rolled them out of his empty
ports as effective imitations of heavy
ordnance. Thon, filling his rigging
with his superfluous force of men, so
far overawed the enemy that they sur
rendered as soon as the privateer,
with her dummy guns, got fairly
alongside.
The Americans then helped them
selves to such of the Hassan's guns
and ammunition as they needed and
went on their way rejoicing.—Sat-
urday Evoning Post,
Hot Men-of-War.
I heard months ago that the hottest
ship in the fleet around Cuba was the
St. Paul—not her upper works, but
down in the hold. But she was not a
marker to the Cincinnati, in whose
hold temperatures as high as 205 de
grees were registered. In one of the
firerooms was looated a forced draff
blower to which it was impossible to
give proper attention on acoount of
intense heat. When Captain
Chester went below to investigate ho
had his face scorched. Water boils
at 212 degrees.—New York Press.
WHEN PHYLLIS GOES A-FISHING.
When Phyllis goes a-flshing,
All on a summer day,
The birds from out of their gladness
Bing each a blither lay;
The breezes in the willows
A gentler murmur lend,
Where, o'er the quiet reaches.
The sun and shadow blend.
When Phyllis goes a-flshlng *
Ah, happy then am I
To joint her pole together
And fix her gaudy fly,
To set her reel n-singlng
And cast hr line afar
Where, in the silent shadows,
TLua speckled troutlets ure.
When rhyllis goes a-flshing
We lunch beneath the trees
On jam and cake and pickles
And ginger beer and cheese,
While ever, as we're feasting,
With trills and chirps and hums
An orchestra is playing
Which takes its pay iu crumbs.
And while sweet Phyllis watchas
Her line impatie/itly,
My hook from out tho water
Brings fishes two or throe.
And when through fragrant twilight
Our basket homo we've brought,
Bweot Phyllis shows In triumph
"The fishes that we caught!"
—Town Topics.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
"It's kind o' peculiar," said tho
baker. "When I'm the busiest I do
the most loafing."
"I don't look at all well," said tho
neglected dooryard, "but I am able to
be around the house."
Miss Gotrox—"The world owes you
a living." Cleverton—"Well, you're
all the world to me."—Town Topics.
"What is ideal weather?" "Iu
summer it is twenty degrees below
zero and in winter it is ninety above."
—Chicago News.
Say, croaking little froglet,
By the evening's darkness hid,
Pray tell now. just between us,
What was It Katy did?
—Philadelphia North American.
Belle—"Is Willy raising whiskers?"
Benlah—"Well, I wouldn't like to
dignify them by calling them whiskers;
I think whiskerettes would be more
proper."
Mother (to little Freda, who has
been taken to tho dentist's to have a
tooth pulled)—" Freda, if you cry I'll
never take you to a dentist's again."
—Tit-Bits.
"Why did you sheathe your sword
in me?" cried the wandering minstrel.
"Because you're a scab-bard," re
plied the king's troubadour.—Harvard
Lampoon.
Trotting Thomas—"l wish I could
turn myself into a rumor for a few
moments." Walking William—"What
for?" T.—"Why, they say a rumor
gains currency."
Mamma (at the breakfast table)—
"You always ought to use your nap
kin, Georgie." Georgie—"l am nam*
it, mamma; I've got the dog tied to
the leg of the table with it."
Prison Visitor—"Tell me, my poor
man, how came you to such a place
as this?" Inmate—"Well, marm, I
suspects it was all along o' the copper
bein'a sprinter."—Boston Transcript.
The Minister—"l trust, my friend,
your lines are cast in pleasant places."
The Poet—"Well, that depends on
whether you would call waste-baskets
pleasant places or not."—Chicago
News.
Mrs. Lash—"What did you get
baby for a birthday present?" Mrs.
Rash—"l took $2 out of the little
darling's bank and bought him this
lovely lamp for the drawing-room."
Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Flyer—"Harry, do you know
the dirt from which diamonds are
taken is blue?" Mr. Flyer—"No, but
I know that the fellow who has to put
up the dust for them generally is."—
Jewelers' Weekly.
"She scorned all her wooers so
long that now she is doomed to be an
old maid for the rest of her life."
"Well, that seeuis like a just sentence
for such contempt of court."—Phila
delphia Bulletin.
Wayfarer (to the robber)—"l
haven't any money with me, I'm sorry
to say, but I will be glad to advise all
my friends and acquaintances to take
walks along this lonely path here
after."—Fliegonue Blaetter.
"Oh, my head, my head!" groaned
Rivers. "If anything ails your head,"
suggested Brooks, "why not treat it
hoiniEopathieally?" "How's that?"
"Have it shingled." It occurred to
Rivers later on that Brooks meant to
intimate that he had a wooden head,
but by that time Brooks was out of
reach.—Chicago Tribune.
One Way to Do It.
In Boston the other day a balky
horse held up thirty trolley cars and
blocked traffic for over an hour, re
maining immovable while mud was
rubbed iu his mouth, ignoring a blaz
ing paper with which his whiskers
were singed, and exhibiting the ut
most contempt for a blacksnake whip
wielded by a muscular driver. A
Happy thought finally struok a by
stander, who procured a soda siphon,
and taking deliberate aim, squired
half its contents in the animal's ear.
As soon as he recovered from his sur
prise the horse started off down the
street at a two-minute gait and the
blockade was lifted.—New Haven
Journal and Courier.
A Conservative Parrot.
A cousin, who is with us now, has
an aged parrot of moßt conservative
instincts. She has had recently a new
carpet in her dining room, where the
parrot lives, and Polly made herself
quite ill with her strong objection to
this innovation. She screamed "Take
itawayl" tall she was exhausted; and
at last she refusod to eat her food till
they brought a square of the old car
pet and put it round the cage. She
then at once became cheerful and re
conciled to li/e, though she will never
take her walks abroad beyond her be
loved pieoe of old carpet.—London
Spectator.