FREELAND TRIBUNE. Establishol 1838. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited. OFFICE: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: Ono Your $1.50 Six Months 75 Four Mouths 50 Two Months 25 The duto which the subscription is paid to is on the address label of each paper, the change of which to a subsequent date becomes a receipt l'or remittance. Keep the figures in advance of the present date. Report prompt ly to this ofllee whenever paper is not received. Arrearages must be paid when subscription is discontinued. Miihr, ail money orders, checks, etc., payable /<• tin Tribune I'rintlny Company, Limited. i FKMIDLAND, PA., DECEMBER 5, 1808. THE FEMININE OBSERVER. The man who always pays cash often sleeps ontick. No season is so brief as woman's love, unless it is man's. The best way to destroy an enemy is to make a friend of him. After a shirt has been to the laundry about three times it is pretty well done j up. A man never knows how little ac count he is in this world until ho at tends his own wedding. When a girl makes an assignment of [ her love her sweetheart is immediately ! appointed as receiver. LACONIC PHILOSOPHY. As an ear-trumpet the average worn- ' an is not a success. Happy are they who look before they marry, and overlook afterward. There is nothing a manly man ad mires more than a girlish girl or a wo manly woman. An actress is often Indebted to the florist for the flowers she gets over the footlights. It doesn't always make a man happy when a girl returns his iove—especially when it's returned because she has no ! Before marriage every man has a theory about managing a wife, but af ter marriage he finds that it's a condi tion and not a theory that confronts him. CULLED FROM ALL SIDES, England makes $20,000,000 a year | profit out of its Post Office. Stammering is practically unknown among uncivilized people. The Victoria Cross carries with it a life pension of $250 a year. Copra is a preparation of the cocoa- i nut made in great quantities in tropical islands all over the world. Bombay is said to be the most dense ly populated city in the world. In cer tain areas the numoer of inhabitants is 760 to the acre. Copying ink may be made by dis solving lump sugar in the common ink, used in the proportion of one drachm of the former to one ounce of the lat ter. Spurious coins are legally made in China. They are used to put in the coffins of the dead, and the supersti tion prevails that they make the dead happy. SOME THINGS TO KNOW. In some parts of Italy the govern ment has to spend $3,000 to collect $2,- 000 worth of taxes. It sometimes happens that it takes a speaker longer to clear his throat than it does to clear the hall. The Bank of England contains silver ingots which have laid in its vaults since 1696. Whistling is practically unknown among the Icelanders, who regard It as irreligious and a violation of the divine law. When a man Is sure that his friends never say unkind things about him, he may be sure that all his friends are dead. Russia, with a population of 127,000,- 000, has only 18,334 physicians. The United States, with about 70,000,000, has 120,000. It is said that men who never drink, smoke or stay out late at night live to a ripe old age. Perhaps that's their punishment. San Francisco has a law by which a peddler who rings a doorbell of a house where the sign "no peddlers" is dis played is liable to a fine of SIOO or six months' imprisonment or both. One Man's I.ncx. Fortunes come to some men almost against their will. Mr. Herbert Moly neux tried hard, but could not dispose of his share in the Rivas diamond mine for £IOO. He now asks £225,000. The De Beers Company is negotiating for the mine's purchase, and the price they are prepared to pay, should the test prove satisfactory, is variously es timated at from £1,000,000 to £2,000,- 000. The Lnnnhina I'lnnt. A flower known as the laughing plant, which grows in Arabia, is so failed because its seeds produce effects like those produced by laughing gas. The flowers are of a bright yellow, while the seeds resemble small black beans. OASTOriIA. Bears the Kind Y° u HaVO AIWBJtS Bought i LOOK UP I 4W Look up! the world is wide. On latd and sea, On ship or shore, there is no rust, no rest; l A heart throbs outward from each human breast, And moves it onward to its destiny. | Why, meet It bravely, with the hon est thought Of no good deed undone, no ruin wrought, What if its hidden doom must end in death? To kill that hope that soothes a dying breath. lie who would soar from darkness into light, And, like Icarus, mount on waxen wings, Will never reach and touch the golden springs That ope the gates that close upon the night. j Who rises, lifting others up with him, Is strong indeed. Within his call or reach Are hands that aid him —hearts that help him teach What he has learned himself, and taught to them. We build our thoughts like mountains to the clouds, The mystery of our being still un solved, Save that we know our lives are not evolved For the sole end of filling empty shrouds. ONE OE THE THREE. j Dollie knocked at my door, j Dollie is my niece and my goddaugh ; ter, and it is always a pleasure to me j to see her, but when she wakes me up j at 3 in the morning to give me that | pleasure I cannot say that it is wholly ! an unmixed one. j "Auntie, may I come in?" j "You are in," I answered tartly, for she had opened the door. Evidently she considered this an in vitation, for she closed the door be hind her, put her candle down on the table, and sat down at the foot of my bed. j "Auntie," she said penitently, "I wouldn't disturb you unless it was for something really important. But I can't sleep." | "What has been taking place?" I ask ed. i "It isn't what has taken place, but ! what will take place. Auntie, I must j marry me." I "Extremely sudden. I see no im mediate necessity." | "It will sound cruel. lam In love | with three men." | "Not bad for your years. Do you ! propose to marry all three?" "No—but I propose to marry one of them. The question is which." I "And where does my part come in?" "You must decide for me," pleading i ly. | "Bless me, you are to marry them— - him I mean—the one"—l said con- I fusedly, "not me, therefore surely you ought to be the one to choose." [ "How can Ibe both judge and coun | sel? And I want to plead the cause | of all three." j "Plead away, then." X was getting ! curious now. "First, there is Mr. Action." "A clever barrister, from all ac counts. What do you find to love in him?" "He is so clever, so ambitious, so strong, and keen, and cold. Auntie, brain is a grand thing. And it is so delicious to lose all one's own small identity and individuality in such a large one —to merge one's paltry am bitions in another's great one. Think of the pride of hearing a man like that say, 'That is my wife.' Think of the pleasure of assisting his work, of standing between him and the every day disturbing annoyance of life, above all, the pleasure of having him to look up to and admire. Admiration for a man is a luxury so rarely possible to women nowadays. And I admire ev erything about him, from his clear cut features and keen eyes to his enormous j brain and wonderful eloquence." I was so much astonished at Dollie's | own unwonted eloquence that I could only blink stupidly for a minute or two. Then I said, "Does he want to marry you?" "They all want to marry me"—trag ically. "You have pleaded one cause so well that I fail to see where the other two can have an advantage. Who are they?" "Well, there is Claude Brown." "Then explain the quality of the es sence poured forth for him." "He makes me feel jiite a saint. He I believes I am the most perfect woman I living. When he sits and talks to me I I am a throned queen and he a hum ble worshiper. lam a single, tall, white lily in a field of grass. lam a white robed nun, a spotless, pure white maiden. I feel as if my hands held the charity and the kindliness and the peace of the v. nrld, and no vileness could live near me. lam something j set apart. I sit in a charmed circle j with his love and his reverence mak j ing a white wall between me and the ! small sins and temptations of the world. lam raised above the com monplace. Storms can rage all round me and not touch me. The world struggles and fights while I sit on a white throne holding its ideals and ; high hopes pure and undeflled." Dollie's candle and my night light I sh ion the pink ball dress and made her jewels sparkle. But the jewels ' were nowhere compared to her glisten ' ing eyej. X ljjd forgotten now that I •rer bad a down pillow and a hot wa j tor bottle. I Twenty-year-old Dollie had reached j the two extremes of woman's bliss— oh, wasteful fates—while some women never knew either. But where In the name of the holy St. Valentine was she j going to get in a tl ird? "And Claude Brcwn also wishes to | marry you?" j "They all want to marry me," she | repeated, more tragically still. | "And lam judge," I ejaculated, look ing at the rosebud face and sweet per j turbed blue eyes. "Well, I should be I sorry to have the rosponsibility of glv ; ing the casting vote now, and I have I another cause to lis en to. Who is the j third?" "The third is Jack." "Ah, then, what fas Jack to offer be sides a fair income and his handsome face? A luxury of admiration? /Or a white throne? Or something original on his own account?" "No. After all I think Jack might be struck out first," she said, medi tatively. "Only he says, 'Doll, old girl,' and pushes my bicycle up all the hills." "Marry Mr. Action," I suggested. "Yes, perhaps I will," said Dollie slowly. "But I cannot help thinking it is a pity to be a pillow all one's life, knowing that one could have reigned a sainted queen." "So it is," I responded cheerfully. "Marry Claude Brown." "Well, I may," said Dollie, without enthusiasm. "But isn't a sainted queen a lonely person?" "A very lonely person," I decided. "Marry Jack." "That," answered Dollie promptly, "would be reverting to the common place." j "Dollie," I said, "go to sleep and j dream. And marry the one you dream of." j Fortunately Dollie was pleased to see i the wisdom of this remark. | "Well," she answered. "That is a good idea, for it does away with the : responsibility. Good night, auntie." I "Good night, Dollie," 1 replied, fall ing back on my pillow gratefully. The next morning Dollie popped her head in at my door when I was dressing and said in a voice that carried the de spair of nations in its tones: "Auntie, I dreamt of all three. I went to church to be married, and there they all were-—frock coats with white buttonholes and all." Dollie was out skating all day. I hate cold, so I spent the afternoon by the library fire reading, and was deep ly engrossed when Dollie woke me—l mean disturbed me—again. ; There was a clash of skates in the | hall and the sound of a girl's rippling laugh and a man's deep voice, j Then Dollie came into the library. Her eyes sparkled and danced—her cheeks were daintily rose tinted—her wide hat brim sheltered a different face from the one that had despaired by the light of a night light. "Auntie," she said, "I have brought home Jack." "Ah," I remarked, "then you have reverted to the commonplace after all." j Dollie didn't even mind. "Yes," she said happily. No Evidence Forthcoming. A man was on trial in Western America on a charge of catching a cer tain fish that weighed less than two pounds. The constable who had made the arrest testified to catching the pris j oner with the fish in his possession. "Where are the fish?" asked the law yer for the defendant. "Why, they wouldn't keep," answer ed the officer. | "What did you do with them?" "Oh. I disposed of them." "What did you do with them?" "Well, I knew they wouldn't keep, so I—l—disposed of them." "But what did you do with them?" "My wife cooked them." "And you ate them?" "Yes." I "Your Honor, I ask that this case be j dismissed." j "Charge dismissed and defendant discharged," ruled the Justice of the Peace, "on the ground that the arrest ing officer ate the evidence." Some I net* of Charcoal. ! Foul water is purified by it. No better known disinfectant can be used. Tainted meat can be sweetened and purified by its use. Charcoal is so porous that it absorbs and condenses gases rapidly. Strewn over the skins of birds and I animals it will prevent all unpleasant odors. A teaspoonful added to half a glass of water is a remedy for acidity of tlio stomach and often relieves sick head- I ache. j It absorbs the gases and relieves the distended stomach pressing against the nerves which extend from the stomach to the head, j Charcoal laid on a burn causes the ! pain to abate immediately, and by re newing the application will heal and cure—if it is not deep—in a few days. China'. Walls. There are two great walls in China. One is 40 feet thick and 50 feet high and surrounds Peking. It is 10 miles In circumference. The other—the great wall of China—is nearly 1,300 miles long and was built 2,115 years ago— -217 years B. C. Wintniroßrn'a f lanr. ii.-. Cigarette smoking is a common prac tice among the colored washerwomen of New Orleans. They loan over the tub and make a quaint picture as the smoke rolls from their lips. Fliirlitn'a lloncy. One county in Florida alone has an average annual output of 360,000 pounds of honey. THE LADY AND THE MOUSE. This Little Itoilnnt Caused n (Jroat Deal of Trouble. It is an old, old story to accuse wo mankind of cowardice where the mouse jis concerned. But the oft-repeated charge that any woman will immedi | ately go into hysterics or spasms at the mere sight of a small-sized rodent Is an insult to the sex. Some may evince their dislike of mice in this way, but there are notable and conspicuous exceptions. For example, one woman, while engaged in her domstic duties, encountered a mouse in the flour bar rel. Now, most women under similar circumstances would have uttered a few genuine shrieks and then sought safety in the garret, but this one pos sessed more than the ordinary degree of genuine courage. She summoned the man-servant and told him to get the gun, call the dog and station himself at a convenient distance. Then she clambered half way upstairs and com menced to punch the flour barrel with a pole. Presently the mouse made its appearance and started across the floor. The dog at once went in pur suit. The man fired and the dog drop ped dead, the lady fainted and fell down stairs, and the man, thinking that she was killed and fearing that he would be arrested for the murder, disappeared and has not been seen since. The mouse escaped. W " 1 —- Reilly—Wot's Callahan lookin' so mournful for to-day? Dooley—Sure, he wanthed his little kid named Dewey and ther owld wo man had the by christened Alger be misthake. KceiiiiiK I1!h I'romlMP. "Can you build a bridge over this washout strong enough to take a train over," asked the conductor, looking at his watch, "in two hours?" "I can, sir," replied the section boss. "Then go ahead." It was then 2 o'clock. At 4 the con ductor went down to Inspect the work "How's this?" he demanded. "Didn't you say you could build a bridge in two hours that I could run this train over?" "No. sir," responded the section boss, "I said I could build a bridge you could run the train over in two hours. It ain't none of my business what you want to run so thunderin' slow for, but I'm makin' the bridge all right. It'll he done to-morrow mornin'." A I Ncfdl Mule. "Tom, that old sway backed mewl o' yourn ain't no good under a saddle, is he?" "Nope; too slow an clumsy." "Ner in th' buggy er waggin?" "Nope; too awkward fer that." "Ner at pullin ov the plow?" "Nope; wants tar graze too much.' "Whut you keepin him fer, then?' "Waal, you see, we ain't got no clock at our house, an that ole mewl brays at dinner time jest cz shore ez ths yearth tourns over. Yassar, I've been called to dinner by that mewl's bray fer the last five years an I'm alius right plum ou time." Wny Out of It. He —Who is that ugly looking girl standing at the side of the post? She —Sir, I want you to understand that she is my sister. He—You misunderstood me; I meaD the girl to the left of the post. She —That is also one of my sisters He —Allow me to congratulate you on having the meanest looking lot ol relatives I have ever seen in all my life. Flattened. Young Mrs. Torldns was almost in tears when her husband came home. "What's the matter?" Inquired hei husband. "It wasn't my fault, Charley, dear and I do hope it can be mended. That pouter pigeon you brought home—" "Well?" "I'm afraid it has swallowed a tack and got a puncture." Two Flntu. Mabel—l suppose you have heard ol sister Lou's marriage. She's taken a flat in Brooklyn. Miss Jellus—Yes, I heard she had a flat; hut I didn't Lear where she had taken him. The Correct Etxitrennion. "Have I got the 'pleasing expression you want?" asked Mr. Gubbins. "Yes, sir." replied the photographer. "I think that will do very well." "Then hurry up, please. It hurts my face." Quite a LUfilit, "Does your husband speak more than one language, Mrs. Parvenu?" "Oh, yes, he tall.s war, horse, base ball and bicycle—one just as well as I the other." Than Ht Shoulil Kxprcl. "See here, policeman, that woman 1 wlio gave me her baby to hold haru't come hack." "Well, th' kid' 3 asleep, ain't it?" POINTS AND MOOT POINTi . Man is naturally cruel —he steps on the worm unless he stops to reason. Cruelty is the revenge we take for our own just sufferings. We love the kind—not because they are kind, but because we are selfish. Man is more tyrannical to the mind than to the body of man. A very little actual power exercises all the tyranny of the universe. Timidity, vacillation, irresolution are fatal qualities. The black frost of fear nips indis criminately a host of the blossoms of good and evil. Weak wills have terrible tasks im posed upon them-—those the strong cannot endure for themselves. If the brute creation could bring mankind into court, who can doubt which side the Divine Justice would take? EDITORIAL DONT'S. Don't annoy a silent editor; he may be a reformed prize fighter. Don't forget that it's economical to write on both sides of the paper, and editors admire economy. Don't fail to submit a list of fifty alternative titles fer your manuscript. They will please tpe editor and keep him out of mischief. Don't send an article without having it cross-written, as it makes it bright and attractive. It may try the editor's eyes, hut what of that? Spectacles are cheap. FACTS IN A FEW LINES. Germany prints twice as many books as France. Rarely indeed is a blue eyed person found to he color blind. In China horses are mounted on the right side and ships are launched side ways. It is said that women criminals have larger hands and feet than average women. Between the ticks of a watch a ray of light could move eight times around the globe. The wall around the city of Babylon at the height of its prosperity was 56 miles in length. The Chinese fiddle, in the shape of an ordinary hammer, has two strings and is played with a bow. MAXIMS IN THE SOUDAN, Fight earnestly, leave off evil; the avoidance of it is a true education. He who overcomes his own heart bends it as a sickle is bent. This life Is a sowing time for the future life; all who sow good deeds shall enter the great city. Whoever chooses this world rejects the choice of the next; he seizes one cowry hut loses two thousand cowries. About this saying there is no uncer tainty: whoever rejects it, leave him alone, that he may become a heathen. This world is like a room where we see ropes set up for weaving and thread is placed ready. If there is no purity there is no prayer, as you know; if there is no prayer there is no drinking of the wa ter of heaven. Y r ou will obtain a reward according to the character of your actions on earth; you will come to meet with these actions in the next world. He who possesses knowledge but does not act accordingly, what will he have to say on the day of the resur rection? OUT OF THE ODD. Eight feet is the usual width of a street in China. No particular form of religion re ceives official recognition in Japan. The left side of the face is consider ed by artists and photographers more beautiful than the right. Pious Russians do not eat pigeons because of the sanctity conferred on the dove in the Scriptures. The United States and Germany are the only two great Powers in the world that have no postal savings banks. The willow is one of the most adapt able of plants. A willow switch stuck in the wet will alnost invariably take root. A German officer estimates that In the course of the present century wars have killed 30,000,000 men in civilized countries. When English soldiers are on the march and billeted upon publicans only three halfpence per man is allowed for their breakfast. SNAP SHOTS. The toper enjoys life fully. A love feast —kis ;cs and pop. It's quite a feat for a poet to get a foot-hold. Even an even nt mhor of teeth may he uneven. A doze is akin to a nap, but it isn't a napkin. Circus people w ruid starve if the tent were their onlj spread. The liveryman ought to be thankful for his stable income. Even a blindman may say he has had a pleasant sea voyage. Some halls are a regular circus, even to the bareback performers. "Now I shall lit all roused up," thought the placid water. "There come the white cafs." Strange to say, applicants for posi tions are generally out of place in an smsloyment bureau. letter from a woman Dr. David Kennedy*a Favorite Remedy frequently cures several members of a family. While it is considered by many to be a Kidney and Bladder Medicine, it is just as certain to cure Dyspepsia, Constipation, Rheu matism, Scrofula and Eczema. This is because it first puts the Kidneys in a healthy condition, so they can sift all impurities from the blood. Healthy blood practically means a completely healthy body. Here is a letter from Mrs. Capt. PETER RACE, of OJFTJR Hudson, N. .: "My husband was troubled with his kidneys, andsuffered fearfully with shooting pains through his back. He *1 F took Dr. David Kennedy* 3 Favorite Remedy, and N—T is now well and. strong. Although " J seventy years of age, he is as hearty as a man many years younger. I was so troubled with Dyspepsia that it was recommended Favorite 17] f] J? C J 'ic F o ll |; in D aftcj r \JJ our good health to Favorite Remedy." It is prescribed with unfailing success for Nerve Troubles, and for the Liver and Blood it is a specific. /Xfef It has cured many that were beyond the aid of other medicine. Ask your druggist for it, and insist upon getting it. Don't take a substitute. It will cost you si.oo for a regular full-sized bottle. Sampße SBoftSe rre© If you want to try Favorite Remedy before buying, send your full post office address to the DR. DAVID KENNEDY CORPORATION, Rondout, N. Y., and mention this paper. They will send you a free trial bottle, all charges prepaid. This genuine o.fer is made to prove to everybody what a wonderful medicine it is. CDApn EflD oA \ o or/iuß run 011111]= Advertisers in the Tribune get full value for their money. T. CAMPBELL, dealer in M&y Boots ami S&.O6S*/ Also PURE WINES J) LIQUORS FOR FAMILY AND MEDICINAL PURPOSES. Contro and Main streets, Froeland. DePIERRO - BROS. -CAFE.- Corner of Centre and Front Streets, Freeland, Pa. Finest Whiskies in Stock. Gibson, Dougherty, Kaufcr Club, Kosenblutb's Velvet, of which we h ve EXCLUSIVE SALE 111 TOWN. Mumm's Extra Dry Chnrapajrnc, Henuessy Brandy, Blackberry, Gins, Wines, Clarets, CordiaU, Etc. Imported and Domestic Cigars. OYSTERS IN EVERY STYLE. Ham and Schweitzer Cheese Sandwiches, Sardines, Etc. MEALS AT - ALL - HOURS. Rallentiuc and Hazleton beer on tap. Baths, Hot or Cold, 25 Cents. FRANCIS BRENNAN, RESTAURANT 151 Centre street, Freeland. FINEST LIQUOR, DEER, PORTER. CIGARS AND SOFT DRINKS. U Beat Cough Syrup. Taatea Good. UwPl j: in time. Sold by druggist*. If About the Toad. If a toad's mouth be forced open and held so the toad will suffocate. This is because lie has no ribs and cannot dilate his chest; therefore he swallows the air as though it were food, taking it into the stomach instead of the lungs. The Oldeni Love-Letter. The oldest love-letter in the world is in the British Museum. It i u a pro posal of marriage for the hand of ah Egyptian princess, and it was made 3,500 years ago. It is in the form of an inscribed brick. Do You K.avy Him ( The Emperor of China Has to fast sixty-four days in each yoar for the sake of religion. CASTOR IA For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy CURES ALL KIDNEY. STOMACH - AND LIVER TROUBLES. Watch the date on your paper. Dry Goods, Groceries and Provisions. S BROTHERHOOD HATS 0 IJ A celebrated brand of XX flour alwu3'g in stock. Roll Butter and Eggs a Specialty. AMANDUS OSWALD, N. W. Cor. Centre and Front Sts., Freeland. P. F. McNULTY, FUNERAL DIRECTOR AND EM BALM ER. Kinbalminy of frmnlc corpses performed exclusively by Mrs. P. F. McNulty. Prepared to Attend Calls Day cr Night. _ South Centre street. Freehold. VIENNA : BAKERY J. B. LAUBACH, Prop. Centre Street, Freeland. CHOICE DREAD OF ALL KINDS, CAKES, AND PASTRY, DAILY. FANCY AND NOVELTY CAKES BAKED TO ORDER. Confectionery n Ice Cream supplied to balls, parties or plcnies, with all necessary adjuncts, at shortest notice and fairest prices. Delivery and supply vayons to all parts oj town and si/rronndinys every day. < aveats,and Trado-Marks obtained, and alt Pat-? i ent business conducted for MODERATE FEES. $ \ OUR OFFICE 13 OPPOSITE U. 3. PATENT OFFICE# and we can secure patent in less time than those ? remote from Washington. , Send model, diawing or photo., with descrip- # | tion. We advise, if patentable or not, free of? i charge. Our fee not due till patent ia secured. $ A PAMPHLET, '"HOW to Obtain Patents," with# , cost of same in the U. S. and foreign countries? i sent free. Address, ? C.A.SftGW&COJ P . PATENT OFFICE, WASHINGTON. 1? IR lIsT Tinsr <3- or every description execute'! Nt sheet notice by the Tribune Couipuny.