im; b . icairu la running
Spain's ship of State have rocketl the
boat once too often.
The cost of railroads all over the
trorhl thus far has been $36,G85,000,-
000, and it is estimated that the street
railways cost $2,500,000,000.
It is said the Cuban insurgents are
half-naked. Go back to history and
compare that information with the
condition of the American patriots.
Canada and the United Kingdom
are to have a two-cent post. Per
haps we, too, shall some day com
municate with our Auglo-Saxon
brothers in England at the same do
mestic rate.
The women of LaGrange, Mo., de
serve something better in the shape of
men than they seem to possess. While
their husbands were sitting around on
(dry goods boxes telling each other how
the war should be conducted they or- '
gani/ed a battalion, appointed officers
and cut down the weeds in the princi- '
pai residence streets of the city.
The Washington correspondent of
the London Daily Mail reports an iu.
terview with a distinguished American
officer, who is represented as dilatiug
upon the immense superiority of Ameri
can warships over British, especially
iu armor and armament. The officer
is said to have declared that the United
States battleship Alabama could blow j
the British battleship Majestic out of !
water, aud to have predicted that iu
the next century America will be build
ing warships for everybody. "Even !
now," lie says, "the United States is
able to build much cheaper than Ger
many or Euglaud." The Daily Mail, j
commenting editorially upon this !
startling statement, say 3: "We have :
verified the data and are compelled to i
acknowledge the correctness of the I
statement. We know also that there !
Vs a distinct uueasiness in the highest
ranks of the British Navy at the under 1
armament of our ships."
The coming textile fibre, according '
*o Textile America, is that of the '
ramie plant. Already, it appears,
manuft cturers of hosiery and fancy
goods are using the fibre on a large
qeale, and the facilities for washing
such textures have contributed to their
iucreasiugmanufacture for table linen,
bed sheets, etc. The fact is also im
portant that the different tests made
with this and other vegetable fibres, '
such as Hax, hemp, cotton, etc., have
been in favor of the ramie, and for this
reason it is gradually gaining favor iu
another branch, namely, the produc
tion of sailcloth, awnings and cover
ings for carriages, on account of its
being less sensitive to atmospheric
influences, acids aud septics. Knitted
underwear made of ramie—this indus
try, it may be remarked, bciug one iu
which the material has been most suc
ressfully introduced—is not only one
that lias acquired quite a liking from
Ike public because of its extreme dur
ability and silky finish, but also for its
fstimated hygienic advantages; these
latter are based on the substance ad
mitting of normal perspiration without
venerating or retaining the disagree
tblc heat caused by textures matle of
tt-lier fibres, while hot water aud soap
will also cleanse it without any ex- !
| osure to strong friction.
The report on railways in India for
A} 97 8 has just been published by the
Indian Office in Loudon. The follow
ing is a summary of some of the re
emits pointed out: The total length of
railways open on March 31, 1898, was
25,454\ miles, being a net increase of
920 miles over the preceding year; of
ibis mileago 21,1561 were in full
operation on that date, being an in
crease of 766. The mean mileage
worked during the year was 20,531,
being an increase of 748 miles. The
gross earnings for 1897-8 amounted
to $51,190,339, which is an increase of
nearly $5,000,000 over the previous
/ear. Iu the same period the work
ng expenses amounted to $31,200,000,
a kick was a little more than last year.
The net earnings amounted to $32,-
710,000, being a decrease of $210,872.
Of the total gross earnings, 73.87 per
cent, was earned by the standard
gauge lines, 25.52 per cent, by the
meter gauge, aud ths balance, .61 per
cent., by the special gauge lines. The
total number of passengers booked in
the year showed a decrease of 5.94 per
cent. The passenger earnings de
creased by 7.31 per cent. What is
termed "other coaching" traffic showed
au increase of 26.01 per ceut. The
report explains this seeming paradox
by stating that the falling off in "pasr
senger traffic" iu 1897 was chiefly dud
to the prevalence of the plague aurj
the lamiue, while the increase under
"other coaching traffic" was princi-!
pally due to the abnormal receipts on
account of the northwest frontier mili
tary eupeditiou.
g&BiBMiBHmKSHmKK3iBBSB!BBfIB!SJg.'iSSj
I THE LADRONES
AND CAROLINES, j
fWKi £
§§§ Value and Beauty of These Much-Discussed Islands |
§M in the Pacific Ocean.
§|§ |
A ttlF.lill PEOPLE WITH ({I EEREK CI'STOMS. I
SifjS ?
Fur out iu the Pacific, where the
map looks as if a charge of bird shot
had peppered a spot no larger than
yonr thumb, the American flag is
flying over the Ladroues. They are
but specks on the face of the deep.
Yet there is an empire of island wealth
amid the rarest scenery in the world.
An earthly paradise it is called.
The enpture of the Ladrones by the
United States with a seizure of the
Carolines just to the south ofj the
group makes them of new interest to
Americans.
The Ladrones are a chain of vol
canic islands extending north and
south from lntitude thirteen degrees
twelv# minutes north to latitude
twenty degrees thirty-two minutes
south and in longitude about ltd east.
They were discovered by Magellan,
March G, 1521, and named Ladrones
from the supposed stealing propensi
ties of the natives, Later, in IGGB, the
islands were named Mariana, in honor
of Maria Anne, of Austria, the widow
of Phillip IV., King of Spain. The
inhabited islands are Agrigan, Saipan,
Tinian, Rota and Guam. On the
other islands are volcanoes spouting
fire and steam. The mountains range
from 1000 to 3000 feet high, about
the altitude of the biggest of the
Catskills.
The Spaniards have controlled the
islands without interference or seri
ous trouble from the natives. There
is a small garrison at Agaua, the cap
ital, where the Governor-General has
resided. Many natives of the Caro
-1 iue Islands have been imported into
the Ladrones aud the races are inter
estingly mixed. The blending of the
tall, copper-colored, curly-haired,
long-bearded and mustached Caroliu
iaus with tho Pkilippian-looking La
droues, with their dark Malay skin,
A LADRONE BELLE.
lias given a new tint to a large num
ber of young men anil women.
The chief products for sustaining
life are cocoauuts and bread fruit.
They grow spontaneously everywhere.
It is said that one cocoanut tree will
feed a man. A grove of the fruit trees
to the islander is what a herd of cows
is to the Pennsylvania farmer.
These, with tho tons of fish in the
lagoons, which are natural fish ponds,
are responsible for the profound in
dolence of the natives. They can
support life without laboring. Home
of the bread fruit trees are ten or
twelve feet in diameter. A single
tree is considered equal in life-sup
porting capacity to two acres of
wheat. Theu there are other pro
duets—guava, corn, ordinary wheat,
bananas, figs and arrowroot.
The islands forming the Ladrones,
—
I THE BUSINESS SECTION OF AGANA, PRINCIPAL TOWN OF THE LADRONES
j beginning at the northernmost, are
Farnllon de Pajaras, an active volcano
J 1000 feet in height; a group of three
j rocky islets known as the Urracas;
| Assumption, a partially active vol
j canio peak ii.SIS feet in height; Agri
gnu, seven miles iu length, uiouutaiu-
J ous, aud the northernmost inhabited
, island; Pagan, having three active
j cones, and peopled by a few natives;
t the uninhabited islands of Alnmagau,
I Guguan, Sariguan, Anataxan and
i Farallou de Mediuilla; Saipan, fifteen
j miles long, fertile, and having about
! 1000 inhabitants; Tinian. originally
possessing 30,000 inhabitants, and
now a place of segregation for lepers,
with a population of 300; Aguijan, of
110 importance; ltota, with 500 inhab
itants, and Guam.
Guam, or Guajan, the southernmost
and largest of the islands, is thirty
two miles long and has a population
of about 9000, two-thirds of whom are
in Agaua, and nearly all the rest upon
the seaboard, the country inland be
ing almost without inhabitant. Agaua,
BAHLDONAI\ A TYPICAL TOWN IN THE CAROLINES.
the capital, is also a convict settle
ment. It is beautifully clean, and
possesses good government officials, a
hospital, schools and a church. The
Spanish residents have usually num
bered about twenty, and the regular
soldiery about 200, all quartered here.
The militia, comprising about all the
male population, is commanded bv
native officers. The civil government
is similar to that of the Philippines.
Postal communication has been quar
terly.
When first discovered the Ladrones
had a population of about 00,000.
Not one of the original race survives,
anil the islands are peopled chiefly by
Tagals and Bisayans from the Philip
pines, mixed "descendants of South
American Indians, a colony of Caro
line Islanders who founded Garapan
in the Island of Saipan, andnumerons
Chamorro-Spauish half-breeds. The
census of 1838 reports a population of
0476 iu Agana, aud a total of 10,172
in all the islands, 5031 being males
5138 females. There are eighteen
schools iu the Island of Gnam. Only
ten per cent, of the Ladroue Islanders
aro unable to read aud write. Spanish
is the recognized language; but many
of the natives speak a little English.
Tho climate is good and equable; sev
enty degrees to eighty degrees
Fahrenheit is the range of the ther
mometer.
The present population are de
scribed as "wanting in energy, of in
different moral character, and miser
ably poor." They are descended in
part from the original inhabitants,
called Chamonos, aud from the Mesti
zos, a mixed race formed by the union
of Spaniards with these natives.
On the island called Stiypan a colony
from the Caroline Islands, which lie to
the south of the Ladrones, was estab
lished some years ago. These people
are tho most active aud enterprising
inhabitants of tho Ladrones.
Spain lias derived no revenue from
theso islands, and has done little to
civilize the people. At one time a
few suiall schools were started, but
they were soon abandoned.
In 1850 an epidemic destroyed oue
tliird of the population.
August aud September are the "hot
test months, nnd tho rain fall in the
summer mouths is very hoavy.
Agaua, the capital, is well built of
timber, nnd many of the houses have
tiled roofs. There aro twenty small
villages on the Wands.
So little has been done to civilize
the people that they live iu about the
same primitive fashion as character
ized them when Europeans first visited
them.
In one thing the people of the La
drones excel all the natives of the
Polynesian islands—this is their
faculty for building and sailing a won
derful water craft with a lateen sail.
Sailors of all nations for over 300 years
have admired their skill with these
vessels.
They are built entirely without
metal, and the largest of them wilt
carry abont seven men.
The boat has an outrigger which is
carried pn the lee side to prevent up
setting. It is said that jthese boats
■ make wonderful speed, and that they
eaii lie. closer to the wind than any
other sailing craft known.
i uatoms, superstitions, ilress,
j NATIVES AND HUT IN THE LADRONES.
: ligiou, etc., prove that the people of
j the Ladrones have a common origin
I with the other races of Polynesia, but
| they have lived so long by themselves
that they have a distinct language.
| Some writers have argued that the
] race is of American origin, while j
others hold that they are an offshoot
of the Japanese.
Gobien, the French writer, who
studies the people on the spot, says of
them:
"The natives are not so dark as
those of the Philippines, and are larger
of body than the average European.
They lived on roots, fish and fruits,
and were extremely active and quick.
Many of them lived over 100 years."
Another French writer says that he
saw them dive and swim so well that
they caught fish iu their hands under
water.
Iu character the Ladrones are gay
and amiable, loving pleasure, and
spending much of their time in out
door amusements.
The women are usually lighter in
color than the men, and many of them
are extremely beautiful, with luxuriant
hair reaching almost to the ground.
The Carolines are like the Ladrones,
only more extensive iu number and
area, and densely populated. The
islands aro widely scattered into three
great groups, the eastern, western and
central. Spain originally claimed all
the groups, but Germany recently
took the Marshall Islands. The cen
tral or main group, now belonging to
Spain, comprises forty-eight smaller
A CAROLINE WARRIOR.
groups, making a total of four or five
hundred islands.
Among the products of the country
are rice, coru, wheat, sugar, cotton,
tobacco, indigo, bread fruit, castor
oil and kindred necessaries of life.
Among the curious natural features
are the palm trees, that produce vege
table ivory; banyan trees that grow
downward, the seeds being planted
by birds liigb up in other trees, de
posited in bark and crevices, sending
down rootlets to gather sustenance
and moisture from the soil.
Another tree bears a fruit so offen
sive in odor that no man not in pi no
tice can endure it, but once in a
mouth the fruit tastes so delicious'y
that he cauuot stop eating until it is
devoured.
The women of the Carolines are neat
and attractive at home or among their
cocoanut trees. The men are indus
trious—everywhere displaying ingen
uity and gentle thrift,
The Caroline Archipelago consists
of thirty-six miiuir groups, of which
the niue following are the principal:
The Palaos or Pelews, Yap, Uluthi,
Uleai, N'amonuito, Hogolen or Kuk,
the East and West Mortlocks, Bouabe
or Ponnpe, nud Kitsaie, otherwise
called Ualan orStrong's Island.
The Pelew group contains some 200
islands and islets. The principal isl
and is Bad-el-Thaob, which iu area is
equal to all the restpnt together. The
most important of the others are Ivor
ror, Uruk, Tapel, Mnlk, Peleleu aud
Augaur. The population of the Pe
lews is estimated nt some 3000, but is
probably much more. The language
is a very peculiar and bizarre Malayan
dialect, somewhat akin to that of Sula
Archipelago. The principal products
are turtle shell, copra and beoho de
mer (Holothuria), which in the Chin
ese markets brings as much as 8400
gold per ton.
There is always civil war going on
in the group between the various
tribes, and a firm hand is needed to
keep things in order there. Captain
Butrau, of the Velasco (lately suuk at
Manila),who visited the group in 1885,
gives these natives a good name. Cap
tain O'Keefe, however, a wealthy
trader of Yap, gives them a doubtful
reputation, putting them down as a
folk of piratical and turbulent charac
ter.
The enormous quartz wheels, the
famous and curious stone money of
Yap in this group, were quarried in the
Island of ICokial. In olden time there
was great commercial activity here,
and the Yap and Pelew folks went on
extended voyages of trading and con
quest. Bab-el-Thaob is rich in good
timber. Great quantities of yams,
bread-fruits and coeoanuts are grown.
Alligators are found in some of the
creeks,and a peculiar kind of a horned
frog, There are two kinds of snakes,
which the natives called Bersoiok and
Nguus, both somewhat venomous.
There is abundance of good pasture
for horses and cattle. Goats are plen
tiful, probably introduced by the early
Malayan settlers.
The Spanish have done next to noth
ing to show their occupation, and
everything goes on much as before.
There is no Spanish garrison. The
country is well worth opening up to
honest and energetic trade.
DIVINC ELKS.
Trttlnecl to Perform Tricks That Seem
Almost Supernatural.
There seems to be no limit to the
ingenuity of man in devising sensa
tions to please the public. Especially
is this true in the matter of training
animals to perform feats which at first
seem impossible. One of the smallest
of insects, the flea, and one of the
largest of animals, the elephant, have
been put through a course of training
which has resulted in their performing
A DARING DIVE.
feats which seem almost supernatural.
However, it remained for Mr. Will H.
Barnes, of Sioux City, lowa, to train
an animal which was generally con
sidered to he the dullest of quad
rupeds, namely, the elk. His efforts
have proved beyond a doubt that the
elk is by no means lacking in in
telligence, and'his famous diving elks
elicit admiration and wonder from all
who see them perform. Mr. Barnes
secured the elks when they were
young, and though it required un
limited patience, he finally succeeded
in breaking them in harness. While
training the elks, the owner noticed
that they seemed utterly indifferent
to what height they jumped from, and
he then conceived the idea of teaching
them to dive. The process was a
slow one, but now, after two years of
labor, they have attained a marvelous
degree of ability iu this feat, as they
make a headloug plunge of fifty feet
into a tauk of water. Herewith is
presented a cut representing the elk
making the dive. As will he noticed,
the animal makes a headlong plunge
with his feet extended.
Strategy in tlie Hank*.
Captain J. W. Pratt has told a
mighty military story that came to
him somehow from the big camp of
the United States volunteers at Sail
Francisco. An infantryman had over
stayed his liberty. Detection meant
a fine and perhaps some imprison
ment, with the most disagreeable sort
of police duty. The infantry chap was
a genius. He pinned strips of white
paper down the legs of his trousers.
Then he made officer's shoulder straps
out of banana skins. Then he boldly
walked right through the line, an
swered "officer," nud accepted the
uight honor of the sentry.—Pacitio
Commercial Advertiser.
The Impossible.
He—"What would you'say if I were
to steal a kiss from you?"
She—"But that is impossible."
He—"lmpossible! Why so, pray?"
She—"Because you can't steal any
thing I haven't got, and no one has
ever given me a kiss—see?"— Chicago
Post.
Tlie Old Bookkeeper nt Lunch.
"The habits that use doth breed"
AGRICULTURAL TOPICS
When to Cut Flowers.
Flowers cut in the morning will re
tain their freshness twice as long as
those cut in the middle of the day
when the sun is shining upon them.
Hot Wafer For Ilorers.
W lieu borers have made their way
into trees, some hot water nt a tem
perature of 140 to 160 degrees, or as
hot as can well he borne by the hand,
injected into the holes they have made
will destroy them. Such a tempera
ture will not injure the tree. With a
syringe and Hexiblo rubber tube with
a small nozzle, enough water should
be forced up to make sure that the
borer is killed. All insects can bo
killed by applying water to them nt a
temperature not high enough to be in
jurious to vegetation.
Melon Vines In Itows.
Most people are so used to plantiug
melons in hills that they deem this the
only way. But very successful melon
growers think that making a very slight
ridge and planting the seed in a row
pretty closely together is a better way.
So soon as the vines begin to run their
tendrils clasp others, and this keeps
them from being blown about by winds.
By making the ridges eight or more
feet apart the cultivator can be kept
ruuniug through them until the vines
spread out and occupy the whole of
the vacaut space, which they will sure
ly do before the summer is ended. If
the vines appear to be too close to
gether in the row the poorest may be
cut out without leaving a vacancy, as
would be the case if they were planted
in hills.
Charlock in Spring Grain.
If there appear yellow flowers scat
tered here and there through fields of
oats or barley, when these grain have
grown a few inches high, it is a sign
that the field needs attention and weed
ing. These yellow flowers belong to
charlock, a plant of the mustard fam
ily, and which is an intolerable pest in
spring grain. Itouly grows on ground
disturbed in spring. Each plant bears
hundreds to thousands of seeds, and
as these will lie in the ground for years,
and only grow when the ground is
spring plowed, they soon make the
growing of spring grain impossible.
Wherever this pest abounds seeding
should be done with winter wheat or
rye, and no spring cultivation of theso
grains can be allowed, as this will start
the weed to growing, just as it would in
spring grain. We have seen this weed
grow in wheat fields in the tracks which
the mau made across tho field in sow
ing grass and clover seed, and step
ping in the muddy soil. Wherever the
foot disturbed the soil, there the char
lock would appear, and nowhere else
in though all the soil was
evidently full of it.—American Culti
vator.
Hon to liaise the ltcst Queens.
Queeu bees that are produced in the
natural way, namely, by swarming,
are superior to others, that is, a much
larger per cent, of them are. They
are hardier, more prolific, live longer
and do better service generally. We
can only secure such queens during
the swarming season, while the cells
are present. After a colony swarms
their first swarm there are a lot of
those cells in the hive, and three or
four days after the swarm comes out
is the proper time to secure these
cells. The colony containing the cells
may be divided out into several nuclei
or small colonies, with one of these
cells to each nuclei. Combs of bees
and brood may be taken from any col
ony and a cell engrafted info each one.
and we can use all the cells by thus
forming these small colonies for them.
They will soon hatch out and become
fertilized and will begin to lay eggs
and are then ready to either introduce
to other colonies or to build up just
as they are by adding more frames of
brood to them, and iu short time they
will be good, strong colonies. In
breeding queens we should breed only
from our best and choicist stock.
That there is a great difference iu the
qualities of bees is very evident, and
wo can rapidly improve them by thus
selecting our breeders. —Agriculture
Epitomist.
Sanitation in the Dairy.
A scientist who has devoted much
attention to the subject informs us
that iu the averago dairy the ordinary
precautions as to cleanliness and sani
tary conditions are almost entirely
ignored. Samples of milk taken from
the ordinary dairy herds show 15,000
bacteria, while 330 were found .in the
same volume of milk where all of the
conditions of cleanliness were met.
This is a somewhat serious showing
and emphasizes the need of much
more care than is ordinarily exercised.
The same author tells us that milk
should be subjected to a temperature
of 140 degrees Fahrenheit before be
ing used as a beverage. Iu haudling
milk the care should begiu with the
cow. The animal ought to be thor
oughly washed if then; is the slightest
indication to the eye that she requires
it. That she should be groomed
daily goes without saying, and that
milking should never be done without
brushing the sides of the cow, where
dust is likely to adhere. Theso rules,
however, are entirely secoudary to
the feeding and general care of the an
imal. Very few dairy herds are given
the proper nutrition. Instead of clean
grain aud the best care, they are iu
many instances fed upon brewer's
waste and whatever pasture they can
pick up. Sometimes cows develop
abnormal appetites. When this oc
curs they should be taken at once out
of the dairy herd and fattened for
beef, as they will never recover their
normal condition. Kitchen slops, dish
water and garbage shonld never be
put where cows can get at them. They
lead to the formation of depraved
tastes and make the milk unfit for use.
—New York Ledger.
The sale or use of dynamite fire
crackers is forbidden in Chicago.
LETTERS FRL. CAIV.P.
Takes absence to rattle u teller, au' make
him understand
The trorth of a wifely vo.'ee, the strength
of a wifely hand;
An' the little old farm seem 3 dearer, the
cottage in town the same;
They loom as a sacred plctur' with an
aureal fer the frame!
Takes absence to stir up a feller, an' show
him mistakes he's made—
Neglect of the hearts that loved him, when
the sun should have driv' out the
shade;
An' I tell you at last, my darlin', ere the
flghtin' Is over an' doue.
It takes a few weeks in the shudders to set
us n-prizia' the sun.
Takes absence to soften a feller an' the
bane of selfishness kill,
In the camp when night is broodin' an'
everything is still;
An' a smell of tho clover blossoms an' a
hint of your dear eyes' gleams
But tears ain't the tiling fer a soldier;
good-night au' the sweetest dreams!
Will T Hale.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
"Wibley is most liappy when with
his inferiors." "Unhappy man!" -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
'ggs—"Was the hour late when
you arrived?" Waggs—"No, the
hour was on time. I was a trifle late,
however."
She—"l'd like to take a ride on tho
tandem." He—"All right; I'm the
man to second vour motion." New
York World.
Willie—"Pa, what do they inako
talking machines of?" His Father
"The tirst one was made out of a rib,
my son."—Life.
His Ma—"Tommy! Tommy! Don't
yoti hear me calling you?" Tommy ■
"No, ma—not a word. Please holler
a little louder."
"A man can't be in two places at
once," observed his friend. "Ok,
I don't know," replied the office
holder, reflectively.—Puck.
He—"Then you think kissing is
not wrong?" She—"The idea! Why,
I wouldn't bo seen doing such a
thing!"— Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Isabel wauts to sell her grand
father's slock." "Is she in reduced
circumstances?" "No; she has bought
an older one."—Detroit Free Press.
Friend—"Why are you joining the
nudieuce in hissing your own play?"
Author—"lf 1 don't they'll find out
I'm the author."—New York Journal.
Mother—"Dear me! The baby bas
swallowed that piece of worsted."
Father —"That's nothing to the yarns
she'll have to swallow if she lives to
grow up."
Friend—"Doyou raise vegetables?"
Suburbanite (sadly)—"No, I only
plant them; anil, as you will observe,
my neighbors' raise them,"
—Jtidge. -
Mrs. Newed (engaging cook)—
"Have you had much experience?"
Cook—"Yes, mum; I've worked for
tin families in th' lasht two wakes."
Harlem Life.
"We've got to economize," said Mr.
Gargoyle to his wife. "Very well,"
r iplied the good woman, cheerfully.
"You shave yourself and I'll cut your
hair."—Tit-Bits.
"Is he a mau whom one can trust?"
asked Gazzaui of Maddox, speaking of
Twitters. "He is a mau who is will
ing to be trusted with anythiug."—
Detroit Free Press.
Mother—"What! Swinging the cat
by its tail again! How often have I
told you to be kind to dumb animals."
Tommy—"But, ma, she ain't dumb;
listen to her holler!"
"I suppose there is a great deal of
interest in His Lordship since his
marriage?" "Certainly. It is highly
interesting to see him with visible
means of support."—Puck.
"This war will do us good, I know."
"In what way?" "My husband
probably will come home feeling
brave enough to help me discharge
Bridget."—Chicago Record.
"Will yoti be brave and fight for
your couutry, Henry?" "Well, I will
fight for my couutry; but I tell yon
honestly, I shall be scared to death
until I find myself safe home again."
Miss Spacer—"l suppose when a
joke gets into an ulmanac it is sup
posed to be old." Mr. Scribbler—
"Oh, no!—a joke cannot really be
called old until it gets into an Eng
lishman."—Puck.
"Tho subject of Alice's graduation
essay, you remember, was 'Aim
High.'" "Yes." "Well, slxej has
been throwing herself at the" new
preacher's head, and ha is six feet
tall."—Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Here," said the ambitious boar 1-
er, "is au advertisement of bicyile
clothes. Do bicycles have to warr
clothes?" "Every well enameled
wheel," said the Cheerful Idiot, "has
at least four coats."—lndianapolis
Journal.
"I asked little Jim the difference
between 'inertia' and 'momentum.'"
"Did he know anything about it?"
"Yes; he said 'inertia' is something
that won't start and 'momentum' is
something that won't stop." De
troit Free Press.
Mrs. Wiggles—"l didn't know that
Mr. Binks had a title." Mrs. Wag
gles—"Neither did I. What is it?"
Mrs. Wiggles—"Well, his servant
says that everything comes addressed
•James Binks, C. O. D.'"—Somer
▼ille (Mass.) Journal.
Mrs. Brown —"I see in the paper
that they won't allow any man to en
list who can't read and write tho Eng
lish language." Mr. Brown—"Write
the English language? Gracious) Are
they only going to take college pro
fessors and a few literary men.'
Harper's Bazar.
"Pardon me, sir," said the burglar,
"but I'm going to a ball and mistook
the house." "No mistake," said tho
householder; "don't apologize. Tho
bail is here!" and he covered the in
truder with his revolver until the
Vunion of the law made his tardy ap
pearance.—Pick-Me-Up