Btock Kallas nnorn iu England?" Papa—"Yes, my ion." Patriotic Cub—"Hay, but did n't we lick you in 1812?" Judge. Hicks—"l notice that Charley's wife hasn't touched the piauo since die was married." Wicks—"No; the 'act is she thinks the world of him." —Boston Transcript. "You speak," said a fond mother, "about people having strength of uind, but whou it comes to strength >f don't mind, my sou William sur passes auyboily I ever knew."—Tit j bits. He—"Why doesn't that English girl some 011 deck aud be wooed by the nreezes, too?" She—"Her mother svon't let her. She heard the captain my this was u trade wind."—Harlem Life. "I thought your doctor told you that rou'd have to get out of this climate." 'He did, but I couldn't arrange my Jusiuess affairs so as to be able to get iway, so I had to chauge my doctor." —Chicago News. Mrs. Oldham—"l seethe paper says /lie King of Belgium has been visiting die Spanish Queen llogent incognito." Mrs. Dollyers—"ls that so? I didn't snow that she had left Madrid."— Cleveland Leader. Aunt Mary's chandelier was an ob ject of great interest to Dorothy, who had never b jfore seen one. 011 her return home she exclaimed, "I wish, mamma, we had a place for our lamps to roost ou, too."—Judge. "Pa," said the youngest of seveu, "why dou't you go to the war?" "I have all I can do to keep tho recou seutrados in this house from starv ing," replied the parent, sadly. Philadelphia North Amerieau. Tho Woman Who Had Just Moved lu—"Tho first tliiug we want to do is to tear dowu those old curtains those peoplo have left." Her Husband—"lt seems you have 110 reverence for the shades of the departed."—Ciuciunati Enquirer. Dixou—"l don't believe young Shortleigh is half as extravagant as people say he is." Hixon—"Perhaps not; but I've noticed that he has a Btiit of clothes for every day in tho week." Dixou—"ls that so? Why, he al ivays had the same suit ou every time I met him." Hixon—"Well, that's tho one."—Chicago News. Tho Hammock hi War. Tho only difficulty about tho use of the hummock by an army is iu regard to its supports, aud this oue difficulty js not half so serious as it may soem. With a supply of hammocks available, American soldiers who have not suffi bient "gnmption" to find or to pro vide supports for them are not lit to Bend to Cuba to make war. ith au article so vitally important to tho health of the soldier as is a good linm mock, properly hung, the question of supports—whether it bo trees, light wooden tripods, or stakes of metal pipe or of wood—is one which must he settled for each body of troops, ac cording to the couditious to he met. Iu garrison or in permanent camp it is a simple matter. On the march, through treeless country, something of wood, light euough to transport, must he provided. It is fair to assume thut iu all the thousands of Amerieau soldiers who will land in Cuba, there will be very few so lacking iu ingenu ity and resources that they will sleep ou the ground because they can neither find nor make supports for their hammocks.—New York Sun, Growing Miles of Finijor Nulls. The average person trims off the thirty-second part of au inch from each linger nail a week, or about au inch and a half every year. The average human life all over the world is forty years. There are 1,300,000,- 000 peoplo iu the world who, there fore, waste, ou an average, i!B,-tOO miles of linger nail in a generation.— Chicago Chronicle. British Admirals. Tlio v e nro seveu Admirals of the Fleet in tlio British Navy 011 Cue ac tive list, ten admirals, twenty-vice admirals and thirty-five rear admirals. There are also 190 captains, 285 com; mauders. 933 lieutenant? . A (*intrrn of ailments, aud there is scarcely a clerk or office man but what is more or less a victim. Homo days 1 oould eat any thing, while at other times I would be starv ing. Those distrossod pains would force mo to quit work. "I tried the lnt-water treatment thor oughly, but it did not affect my case. I have tried many advertised remedies but they would help only for a time. A friend of mine recommended Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People, but I did not think much of them. "I finally was induced to try the pills and commenced using them. After taking a few doses I found much relief. Ido not remember how many boxes of the pills I used, but I used them until the old trouble stopped. 1 know they will cure dyspepsia of the worst form and I urn pleased to re commend thorn." Dr. Williams' Pink Pills are sold by all dealers, or will be sent post paid on receipt of price, 50 cents a box or six boxes for $2.50, by addressing Dr. Williams' Medicine Company, Schenectady. N. X The Head Claquer. Jacob Schontng, for forty years head of the claque at the Vluena Opera House, Is dead. He knew all the operas of tho repertory by heart, knew the strong and weak points of all the art ists, and held a rehearsal of his subor dinates In the afternoon before the production of an opera, when he drilled them on the parts of a production where their work was to be put In. He watched them during the perform ance from a seat that commanded a view of the whole house, but never ap plauded himself, save lu desperate CiUUUL London Times gets $5,000 a day for advertisements. Xo-To-Bac for Fifty Cents. Guaranteed tobacco habit cure, makes weak men strong, blood pure. 50c. sl. All druggists. It costs $550,000,000 every week to run the world's railways. V\ AMMONIA, VvV" 4 WATER,COLOGNE, OR OTHER LIQUID.' It is a weapon which protects bicyclists against vicious dog* and foot-pads; travelers against n* ocis ami toughs; homes against thieves aiul tramps, and is adapted to many other situations. It does not kill or injure: it is perfectly safe to handle; makes no noise or sucks; Wreaks no law an® creates no lasting regrets, us does tho hullet pistol. It simply and amply protects, by compelling the foo to give undivided at teution to himself for awhile instead of to the intended victim. It is the only real weapon which protects and also makes fun, laughter and lots "f it; it shoots, no* once, but many times without reloading; and will protect ly its appearance in time of danger, although loaded only with liquid. It does not get out of order; is durable, handsome, and nickel plated. Sent hoxod and post paid by mail with full directions how to use for AUc. in 2c. Pus.age Stamp*, Post-othco Money Order, or Express Money Order. As to our reliability, refer to 11. U. Dun's or Bradstreet's mercantile agencies. \EW Volt 14 I.MOSI SUPPLY CO.. ISS Leonard St.. Xoxv Yorli. " The More You Say the Less People Rememb&r." One Word With You, SAPOLIO DYSPEPSIA " For nix y<>arn I wan a victim of dys pepsia in its worst form, i could cut nothing but milk toast, and at times ray stomach would not retain nnd digest even that Lust March I began taking CASOARETS nnd since then I have steadily Improved, until 1 am as well as I ever was in my life." DAVID H. MURPHT. Newark, o. CATHARTIC ksuwaswz) TSADC MASN RKOJSTIRIO Pleasant. Palatable. Potent. Taste flood. Do •ood, Never Sicken. Weaken, or Gripe. lOe, 26c, 600. ... CURE CONSTIPATION. ... Itrrllnf Itrmvd; Company, Chicago, Monlrral. Now York. 311 MA.TfI.RAG So,( l nn ' l guaranteed by all drug llU* IU" DM If gists to CIIBE Tobacco Uabiu P. N. U. 27 '9B I Thompson's Eyo Water Americans use 1.000,000,000 collai but* tons annually. Beuuty Is Blood Deep. Clean blood means a clean Fkin. No beauty without it. Cascarots, Candy Cathartic clean your blood and keep it clean, by stirring up the lazy liver and driving all impurities from the body. Begin to day to banish pimples, boils, blotches, blackheads, and that sickly bilious complexion by taking Cas carcts. beauty for 10 cents. All druggists, satisfaction guaranteed, lie, 30c, 25c, 50c. The best watchmakers' oil come® from the jaw of the shark. About half a pint is found in each shark. £dncate Your Bowels With Cascarots. Candy Cathartic, cure constipation forever* 10c, 25c. If (J. C. C. fail, druggists refund money No Place for a Kentnckian. 'Tes, sah; I desire to enlist, sab. Buv there Is one promise I want to exact from you, sah." "Well, what is it?" "I'm a Kentuckhiu, sah, and I point* edly object to being sent to the Dry TortuurajL anh." THE EXCELLENCE OF SYRUP OF FIGS is due not only to the originality and simplicity of the combination, but also to the care and skill with which it is manufactured by scientific processes known to the CALIFORNIA FIO SYRUP Co. only, and we wish to impress upon all the importance of purchasing the true and original remedy. As the genuine Syrup of Figs is manufactured by the CALIFORNIA FIO SYRUP CO. only, a knowledge of that fact will assist one in avoiding the worthless imitations manufactured by other par ties. The high standing of the CALI FORNIA FIO SYRUP CO. with the medi cal profession, and the satisfaction which the genuine Syrup of Figs has given to millions of families, makes the name of the Company a guaranty of the excellence of its remedy. It is far in advance of all other laxatives, as it acts on the kidneys, liver and bowels without irritating or weaken ing them, and it does not gripe nor nauseate. In order to get its beneficial effects, please remember the name of the Company CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO. SAN FRANCISCO, Col. LOriSVILI.E. Ky. NEW YORK, N. Y. _ _ Bevel-Gear Chain less Bicycles MAKE HILL CLIMBING EASY. Columbia , Chain Wheels, $75 V 1 n Hartfords, . . 50 ■Hip v ICU. Vedettes, S4O &35 IST y it/