FREELAND TRIBUNE.
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FREELAND, PA., JANUARY 10, I*oß
Saved by a Snore.
A few weeks ago, says the Chicago
Times-Herald, the local press an
nounced with a flourish of trumpets
that inventive genius had won another
triumph and a South side citizen had
patented a device to prevent snoring.
At that time, we believe, this discovery
was hailed as a great boon to the pub
lic. Now we have come to look upon it
hs an unwarranted and unjustifiable in
terference with one of the manifesta
tions of nature. A special dispatch from
Milwaukee announces that Robert Wag
ner, of that city, has been saved from
going to the penitentiary because he
is the owner and user of a peculiar ear
piercing, nerve-shattering snore. Rob
ert. it appears, owned a warehouse
which burned the other night under
circumstances which indicated incen
diarism. lie was arrested and a clear
case of circumstantial evidence was
made out against him. At the last mo
ment two nieces proved a complete alibi
for him by swearing that during the
night in question- they were kept awake
by their uncle's nasal foghorn, which
never missed a toot all night. Go to
with your clothespins and claptraps
built for silencing the snore! Nature
knows best.
One of the best prescriptions that can
issue from a physician is a change,
a specialist friend of mine tells me.
says a writer in an exchange, j
The effects of mingling with new people
who have new methods of thought is
very salutary, he says. Always to see
the same people do Ilie same thing,
feel the same w ay, produces a. 1 stagnant
condition of the mind and heart that
is very distressing to behold. There
are thousands of invalids who might
be greatly benefited by getting away
from home, if only for a short time,
to mingle with strangers and be
touched with the magnetism of the
great world as it. courses in its accus
tomed rounds. And there are mental
and moral invalids who need the same
change to get their heart and mind
enlarged and let in a little more of the
great light of life.
• A bicycle has reached Central Africa
and has greatly exercised the minds
of the natives. It was at. first put down
variously as a grinding mill and a cir
cular saw. The owner, a Tanganyika
missionary, gives the people a treat
when he dismounts a bearing and al
lows them to examine the "bullets," as
they call the balls—an eloquent com
mentary on their education; and when
they see him mounted and spinning
along their exclamation is: "Ko banda
Jkasikolo!" which is alleged to be
equivalent to "Good gracious!" Could
they behold one of our American
scoroherino bloomer girls in transit
their language would prove insufficient
to express their astonishment.
The completion or the aerial tram
way over Chilkat pass is promised be
fore February. Steel towers and cables
support the boxlike carriages, which
will have a capacity of 300 pounds each.
The road is expected to transport 120
tons a day from Skaguay to the head
waters of the Yukon. With this accom
plished the worst hardships and risks
of the journey will be removed.
Big checks are fashionable this fall.
The other day there was deposited in
New York one for $13,045,250, to pay
the first installment of the debt due by
the Union Pacific Railroad company to
the United States. A few days ago a
check for $17,000,000 was drawn to the
©rder of the city of New York in pay
ment of municipal bonds.
AScruthTopeka (Kan.) farmer is said |
to be enjoying new potatoes on his j
home table, the third crop from the
same part of his land this year. The
song says: "Potatoes they grow small
in Kansas." If they were given a chance
they might grow large.
A young w oman in Baltimore has had
one of her front teeth filled with a half
carat diamond. This must be the girl
to whom the singer referred when he
remarked that "Her Blight Smile
Daunts Me St ill."
A fcLlow down in Barren county, Ky.,
walked 32 miles the other day to get
a license to wed. Rome men find
trouble nearer home tban that.
CASTOIIIA.
WEISS' 3L
An Incentive to Industry.
"1 am really delighted at the interest
iy boy Tommy is taking in his writ
ng." said Mrs. Hickleby. "He spends
wo hours a day at it."
"Really? llow strange! now did
>ou get him to doit?"
"Oh, as for that, I told him to write
me out a list of everything he wanted
for his birthday, and he's still at it."—
Tit-Bits.
A Gooil Guess.
"Reuben," said Mrs. Pendleton, who
had been reading the society news in
a Louisville paper, "what do you sup
pose is a revolutionary tea, which seems
to be all the go in the city?"
"I suppose it's a tea whar the women
do a great deal of fightin'," replied Mr. |
Pendleton. —Louisville Courier-Journal, j
The Pronpect.
"Do you think," said the man who
had bought a large tract of arid land,
"that I shall be able to water this
waste."
"I dunno," replied the native. "It
strikes me, though, that there's u heap
better chance of your wasting the j
water."—Washington Stnr.
Wants vs. Needs.
' Little Dot—Oh, mamma, the organ 1
grinder's monkey is at the window, j
hn' he has a little round box in his hand. |
Mamma—Well, my pet, what do you j
think he wants?
Little Dot (after a glance at the or- |
gan-grinder)—l dess he wants to bor- j
row some soap.—-N. Y. Weekly.
A Sinecure.
Weary Willie —De milk inspectors liev
hired ol' Slosby Slocum ter test milk.
Sunset Sims—ls it hard work?
Weary Willie—Not very. Slobsy sim
ply drinks a little out uv each can, an' if
dere's enny wateiMn it is puts him right
inter convulsions. —Judge.
And She Jumped at the Chance.
Miss Youngly—So you've only known
him a month? Don't you think you're
taking a great many chances in marry
ing him?
Miss Oldwaite (candidly)— Dear me.
no! It's the only chance I've had in ten
years. —Judge.
Then He Kissed Her.
"While I cm as much opposed to the
anarchist as anyone else," she said, "it
is still evident 1o me that there is some
thing very attractive about the word."
"What is it?" he asked.
"The pronunciation of the last syl
lable," she replied.—Chicago Post.
A Serious Objection.
Spirit Medium (to skeptic)— Now that
you have conversed with the spirit of I
your departed brother, are you not con
vinced? Have you any more objections
to offer?
Skeptic—-None except the fact that
my brothers ore all living.—Judge.
Experienced.
City Friend (enviously)— Well, I sup
pose you know all about gardening,
now that you and your wife have been
living out in the suburbs for* a year?
Mr. Remotely (of Lonelyville, fer
vently)— Yes; we don't garden any
more!—N. Y. World.
Bound to liOse.
"There is just one trouble with large
families," said the student of social phe- |
nomena, "and that is that a man is kept
so busy supporting one he doesn't have
any time to spend at home."—Chicago
Journal.
The Cornucopia*.
These horns of plenty always come
In sizes, you must own.
Some get a small tin horn, nnd some
Possess a large trombone.
—Washington Star. i
GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
Professor Grammar School And
your son, I hear is attending college?
Mrs. Stnuckle—Yes, he's gone to one
of them pyrotechnic institutes, and we |
hope he'll soon extinguish himself.— '
I N. Y. Herald.
Can Yon See the Pointf
When a goat dines on scrap-iron,
It amuses man;
But it doesn't tickle his palate like
An oyster can.
—Chicago News.
No Time for Bcpeutance.
"Yes," said Hardshell, wearily, "I
I married in hastei—"
I "And repented at leisure, eh?" in
terrupted Softhead.
"No. I've had no leisure."—Town
Topics.
Not Responsible.
"Why did Columbus forgive the mu- ;
t'.neers?" asked the 'teacher.
" 'Cause they was half seas over when
they kicked," said Johnnie. —Harlem
Life.
May Have Meant That*
"He told me to get off the earth.
What do you suppose he meant?"
| "He seemed to think that you
! needed a bath, evidently."—Louisville
! Courier-Journal.
Two r* I tub t s.
; Trivvet—l saw a flight of wild ducks
I yesterday.
| Dicer—That's nothing. I saw a flight j
| of stairs.—Louisville Courier-Journal. |
The Hero.
Father—Who is the best boy in the
school?
1 Freddie—Chip ITardboy. lie kin al- I
most lick der teacher.—N. Y. Journal.
AS THE POETS SEE IT.
You Can Scatter Sunshine.
There's a heap of satisfaction
In the knowing, if you know,
That this world Is just an Eden,
If you try to make it so;
For no one can monopolize
The King of light und day.
And you can scatter sunshine,
If
You
Feel
That
Way.
There's a joy behind each sorrow,
There's a lesson in defeat.
There's e lecture in experience
Philosophers can't beat;
And nothing like "I've been there"
Can teach you day by day
To scatter wads of sunshine.
If
Yd a
Feel
That
Way.
When you stand before your mirror
And you see reflected there
The Image of your Maker, *
With a face of blank despair.
Just reason for a moment.
Let nature have full sway,
For you can scatter sunshine.
If
You
Feel
That
Way.
—Capt. Jack Crawford, the "Poet Scout,"
in L. A. W. Bulletin.
A Maid with No Appetite.
I Rebecca Dainty wns a maid whose sum
i mers no one knew.
Though she for fifteen years had said that
she was thirty-two;
! And though she never felt real smart, folks
called her rather bright,
j And, while she had a good, kind heart, she
had no appetite.
She always came to breakfast late, and
ne'er forgot her sigh;
First she would pass her little plate and try
a piece of pie,
Next she would cast her eyes around the
table, left and right,
To see if something could be found to
tempt her appetite.
If on the table buns were found, to eat some
she would try,
And then of lamb chops spoil a pound, nor
pass the codfish by.
A pi ee or two of hot cornbread was always
her delight,
Although, poor thing, she always said she
had no appetite.
dhe next would try a chicken's leg and then
a piece of wing;
Next she would eat a soft-boiled egg and
then most anything.
She always wanted something light when
first she started in,
But how she coaxed her appetite would
make an ostrich grin.
—Thomas F. Porter, in N. Y. Sun.
The Day That Summer Died.
The day that summer died we saw a change
Creep slowly o'er the sunshine of her
face—
A fleeting beauty, dim and wholly strange,
Unlike the brightness of her earlier grace.
We felt a ohiill in every breeze that blew,
And saw across the meadows green and
wide
A veil of frost that silvered all the dew—
The day that summer died.
j The day that summer died a red leaf fell
From out the maple's green and stately
crest,
And all the slender fern leaves In the dell
In robes of white and palest gold were
dressed.
A late rose shed its petals one by one,
The poplar stirred its trembling leaves
and sighed;
A glowing dahlia blossomed In the sun—
The day that summer died.
The day that summer died the forest
stream
Crept forth to catch the blueness of the
skies;
' The hills grew dim and hazy as a dream,
Or, like a vision viewed by tearful eyes,
A growing shadow, chill and vaguely drear.
Swept o'er the lundscape like u rising
tide;
And winter's footsteps sounded all too
near—
The day that summer died.
—Emma G. Weston, in Youth's Companion.
A Tired Fellow.
; Talkin' 'bout November days—l reckon
they're all right;
, But I has ter fetch the wood in fer the big
oak fires at night;
I reckon snow a-fallin' makes a purty sort
er show,
■ But it ain't so powerful pleasant when you
has ter shovel snow!
Talkin' 'bout November days—with frost in
furrows gray,
They ain't so powerful pleasant when you
spend 'em haulln' hay;
} I like the sharp, clear mornin's—the hunt
er's lively horn,
But I'm feelln' mighty solemn when I'm
set to shuckin' corn!
I've come ter the conclusion this world—
fer man an' boy—
is about a peek o' trouble ter every pint
o' joy;
I like blue skies an' meadows—a bird that
knows a song.
But 1 can't jine in the chorus when they
work me all day long!
—F. L. Stanton, in Atlanta Constitution.
The Silent Ruler.
We only know he walks with noiseless
tread,
j Unresting ever—voiceless as the dead.
! We only know he brings us loss or gain,
The rose of pleasure, or the rue of pain-
All changes manifold of life or death.
From a leaf's promise to a dying breath.
We know only, when this old earth and
sky
Pass into nothingness, he cannot die—
The silent ruler with his scythe and glass.
Our Father Time, who sees the nations
pass,
Yet gives no token overland or sea
l)f his new reign—the veiled eternity.
I '-William H. Ilayne, in Youth's Com
panion.
The Wronged Mnn.
The wind was raw; it snowed all day;
j Yet there he stood out in the weather
And watched the football rivals play
And 1 clapped his stiffened hands together,
lie whooped and danced as one possessed,
And when the spectacle was ended
Declared that it had been the best
Affair he ever bad attended.
That night he sp.t ard jawed his wife.
And blamed the girl that she had hired;
lie swore they sought to wreck his life—
The maid, he shouted, must be fired!—
He almost wept, he felt so bad—
In sooth, he acted like a fool.
And all because the furnace had,
For lack of care, been left to cool.
—Chicago News.
Inconsistency.
What courage men will sometimes show
In things of mighty weight!
J And how they flinch when some slight blow
Falls from the hand of Fate!
In stocks he lost. He seemed not vexed
To find his assets few.
| He lost his collar button next
And made the a!r turn blue.
—Washington Star.
YOUR LAST CHANCE TO BUY
AT YOUR OWN PRICE.
Overcoats, Men's Suits, Children's Suits, Children's
Reefers, Children's Overcoats, Pants, Hats, Caps
and Gents' Furnishings Going at Less Than the
Cost of Manufacturing Them. Our Time Is
Growing Short and We Are Almost Ready to
Leave. Me Must Dispose of the Remaining
Stock, No Matter How Great Our Loss.
IF 111 WOULD SHI 1(11, LOIR II II FOLLOWINC PUCES:
Men's Suits.
Men's Suits, fine black worsted, going
for less than the actual value of the cloth,
go at
$2.50
Men's fine plaid all wool Suits, finely
made, French facings, go at
$3.48
Men's fine dark brown plaid Suits, all
wool, go at
$3.23
Men's fine Scotch tweed Suits, up to
date style, go at
$3.75
Men's fine clay English worsted Suits
go at
$6.48
Men's Overcoats.
Men's fine dress Overcoats, up to date,
go at
$3.75
Men's jet black dress Overcoats, double
stitched, inch velvet collar; they are
worth $12.00, will go for
$4.23
£3. Boys' fine beaver Overcoats, from 14 to
19 years, go at
$3.48
Men's fine castor beaver Overcoats, all
wool; they are custom made, finely trimmed,
silk piping; worth every penny of S2O, but
to move them quickly we put them down to
$8.48
Men's fine Montanac Overcoats, all
wool, finest trimmed coats to be seen; they
are worth $12.50, will go at
$4.48
Men's short heavy Overcoats, excellent
goods, go at
$2.48
Made-fo-Measure
Men's fine up-to-date, made to measure
suits, fine imported cloth guaranteed a per
fect fit, they are $18; we will make them up
now for
$10.48
Men's fine fhibet cloth suits made to
your measure, fit guaranteed, they are worth
S2O; we will make them just as you like
them for
$11.48
Men's fine pants made to your measure
in fine English worsted, worth $6.50; we will
make them now for
$2.98
Our line of piece goods is large, but we
have no room to mention more. Call and
leave your measure with us and save $lO on
a suit or overcoat.
FVrt IVTAI BA Miolflfl Mt C#rae 10 tlle °" lj c#il| S ollt - f - Bl| siess Sale in Freeland, Where Clothing Is
1/U IN Ul DO IVllblOU Almost Given Away. We Sate You Big Money on Everything Yon Bay.
Bring This Bill With You and Point Out the Article You Want.
To Every Purchaser of $lO Worth or More, CAR FARE WILL BE PAID.
Gents' Furnishings.
Men's fine, white linen handkerchiefs,-
worth 10c, go at ic.
Men's heavy winter Hose, worth 15c,
go for 3c per pair.
Men's large rim slouch hats go at 36c.
Scotch plaid Mufflers, extra large, go at
19c.
Men's fine Suspenders, worth 25c, go
at 7c.
Men's woolen Underwear, worth 50c,
goes at 17c.
Men's four-ply linen collars, any style,
worth 15c, go at Bc.
Fine English Mackintosh, worth $5,
goes at $2.48.
Heavy woolen Mackintosh, positively
worth'slo, goes at 54.98.
Men's good, stout working shirts, worth
35c, go at 15c.
Stylish, up to date Neckwear, in four
in-hands, tecks, shield bows, positively 50c
neckwear, will go at 18c.
Men's fine seal plush Caps, trimmed
with Astrakhan ear laps, they are worth $2,
go at 49c.
Men's fine Fedora Hats, in black, blue
or brown, a regular $1.50 hat, will be sold
at 39c.
Men's fine seal Plush Caps, worth $2,
flat top, go at 49c.
Men's fine puff Ties, pure silk, in any
style, worth 50c, go at 18c.
Men's fine SPlug Hats, Kohler style,
known throughout the coal regions, worth
$2.50, will goat 89c.
Men's fine Jersey Overshirts, worth
$1.50, will go at 48c.
Dr. Jackson's Underwear, very heavy
camel's hair; they are worth $2.50, but we
will sell you a suit for 96c.
Heavy cream satin brocade Mufflers,
worth $1.50, go at 75c.
Gents' fine silk Handkerchiefs, some
cream, some white, worth 60c, go at 39c.
Men's up to date fancy bosom Shirts;
they are worth 51.25, but at this sale the
price will be 69c.
Boys' Reefer Suits.
Boy's fine Reefer Suits in melton cloth,
three rows of fine braid, strictly all wool;
they are worth $3 25, but will go at sl.lß
Boy's fine Reefer Suits in navy blue,
four rows of fine braid, cut in full length, all
wool, finely made; worth $4.75, go at $1,68
Boy's fine gray Reefer Suits, all wool,
Langford cassimere, full deep collar, three
rows of fine braid; worth $3, will go at sl.lO
Boy's Scotch plaid Reefer Suits, in the
finest quality, from three to five rows of fine
braid, the latest winter styles; they are worth
from 4 to SB. Twenty different styles to
select from, will be sold at
Boy's Reefer Suits in any style or any
price. We have no room to mention more.
Attend this removal sale early and save
dollars.
liixivji I IViUUW I
Men's Pants.
Men s Pants, our own make, finely
made, good workmanship; they are worth $2,
while they last will go for 69 G
Men's Pants in fine striped cassimere,
perfect fitting, finely made; they are worth
every penny of $2.48, will go for
Men s Dress Pants in black, blue, brown
and fine worsted striped, all wool; they are
worth $4, will go for $1.23
Mens Worsted Pants in dark colors'
they are worth $2.25, will go for
Men's finest grade of Worsted Pants,
strictly all wool, equal to any $6 pants, will
8° for $'2.48
Men's extra heavy stout Wool Pants,
will wear like a board, all sizes; they are
worth $4.25, will go for sl.JfB
Hundreds of bargains in Men's and
Boys' Pants. We have no room to mention
more. These are just a few of the many
bargains. Corduroy pants for men and boys
nearly given away. Come to this great sale.
You will never have such another chance in
your lifetime, as we are going out of business.
Storm Coats.
Storm Coats in all wool chinchilla,
extra long, extra large collar, all the com
forts for cold weather; they are worth SB,
but are now going at $2 48
Storm Coats in genuine Irish frieze, fu H
length and full collar; they are regular $i
coats. lo make them move quickly we
have put them down to $ gg
Men's extra heavy Storm Overcoats,
worth sl2, go at gg
Genuine Belfast Frieze, worth $22, go
at , $lO
\ oung Men's Storm Coats, while they
last, go at ft 2 9 8
All kinds of Storm Coats for Men and
Boys at prices never before heard of.
For the Boys,
Boys' fine Reefer Overcoats, sizes from
8 to 15 years, full velvet collar, all wool
beaver cloth. They are $4 coats, but will
8° at $1.38
Boys' heavy chinchilla Reefers, full
sailor collar, made in the best style; these
will go at $1.1,5
The latest style three-piece Vestee Suits
for little boys; have made another reduction
on them; they will go for 13
Boys'heavy winter Caps, in navy blue
beaver cloth, with ear laps attached; they
are 50c, will go at 10c.
Hundreds of bargains in Boys' Reefers,
which will be sold at less than one-half the
cost of cloth. Come early.
Boys' fine Suspenders* worth 20c, will
go at sc.
Boys' knee Pants will go at 11c.
Boys' good stout Suits go at 98c.