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MARCH 15, 1897. 1 The llancly Hairpin. Many writers have referred to the itronderful use 3 of the hairpin, simple ttfcough that little implement may l>e. Not long ago some one made out a list ! of several hundred uses to which the j fialrpin may be put, and, even then, con fessed to missing as many more. But liere us something quite novel in the list of the hairpin's benefactions to human ity. It is given on the authority of the ; Hartford Post. A fuse burned out in one of the Wethersfteld cars the other evening and the car at once came to a standstill. After a moment the motor man openod the front door and putting in his head inquired: "Can any lady lend me a hairpin?" His singular request was at once complied with and in a short time the ear was again under way. "What did he want that hairpin for?" asked the woman who had sup plied it of the conductor when thatoffi cial came to collect her fare. "To make a fuse out of," was the reply, "and I guess you are entitled to ride free this trip." And she did, while the other pas sengers applauded heartily. Rev. Mr. Endlich, a New Jersey preacher, recently had removed from his right arm a needle which had been meandering through his system for 13 years. He stepped upon it one niglit just as he was retiring, the needle en- 1 twring his heel and breaking off so that it could not be extracted. Notwith standing the long lapse of years since the needle entered his frame, Mr. End- j lich has paid little attention to it. He never once lost the thread of his dis course, aud his sermons were always ■pointed. He basted the sinners with all bis usual fervor and sowed the truth dil- , igrntly at all times. There was no "be twixt and between" about him, and when ho used the familiar comparison of the plutocrat and the camel, as he often did, he was particularly happy. Comment is needless. It is related by the Washington Post that an Illinois member of congress once dined in Chicago with "Billy" Mason, who is now a United States sen ator-elect. They had talked of the de sire of Mr. Mason to come to the sen ate, had admired the beautiful house in which he lives, had even inspected the tiled glories of the bathroom, and then, smoking an after-dinner cigar, the two friends walked downtown together. When they were some distance from the bouse the representative turned and looked back at the large and brilliantly light dwelling. "You have n beauti ful home," said the representative. "Yes," replied Mason, with a sound that was between a laugh and a sigh, '"but I can hear that house drawing in terest two blocks away." Maj. J. G. Lee, Louisiana's com missioner of agriculture, says that from •i lie 2,500,000 acres in that state under cultivation there is raised annually about $75,000,000 worth ofdiffercnt prod ucts, and he claims that no other state in the union can show equal results. The state contains 25,000,000 acres of land. Louisiana is not generally given credit for all that Maj. Lee claims for the state. Signora Cousino, of South America, the richest woman in the world, has copper and silver mines that yield her .an income of SIOO,OOO per month, and coal mines that net $85,000 a month, while her stock farms produce more rev enue than all her mines put together, fihe also owns a fleet, of steamships und immense bodies of land. "OH, I DUNNO." Cindy's all curly langle®, en her ryes ©s deep ©n' gray, En'v they alius seems er-dreamln' en' cr* gazln' far away Wen I ses: "Say, Llndy, darlln', shell I stay er shell I go?" En* she looks at mo er-smllin' en' 8110 sea: "Oh, 1 dunno!" Xow, she knows es I'm ©r-lovln' her fer years en' years en' years. Cut she keeps me hesitatin' between my doubts en' fears, En' I'm gettln' pale en' peaked, en' ©t's ! Jee' frttm frettln* so Ovur Llndy weth her Jaughln' en* er- i sayln': "I dunno!" T'other night we cum frum meetin', en' 1 asks her fer a kiss, En' I tells her she's so many thet er few she'll never miss; En* she looks up kinder shy-like en' she whispers sorter low: "Jim, I'd ruther thet yer wouldn't, but— er—well—oh, I dunno!" Then I ses: "Now, see here, Llndy, I'm er wantin' yer ter state Ef yer thinks yor'll ever lovs me, en' ©f 1 hod better wait, Fer I'm tired uv this foolin', en' I want? to he yer beau, En' I'd like ter hear yer sayln' authln' else i but *1 dunno!' " Then I puts my arms around her, en' I , holds her close en' tight. En' the stars away up yander seems er- I tvlnkln' et th' sight, Es she murmurs sof' en' faintly, weth th' ; words er-comln* slow: "Jim, I never loved no other!" Then J i aes: "Oh, I dunno!" Y. Truth. | IN COLLABORATION. Characters: Lionel Rous, author; Ccn- | stance Carruthers, authoress. Scene: A room in a farmhouse near the little village of Fernstono. He has Just j filled a large, old-fashioned grate with torn foolscap pages, which he ignites by means , of a wax taper. Having assured himself that his work of demolition will soon he J complete, he draws chair to table and pre- I pares to write a letter. V A r/jcl / E ( rite 3) "M v Dear Dick—News *"*/ / ' u ni'inioture, fori 11111 returning to London to-mor row R ball see you within a week), a i widen fj' resolve due to a /' m tardy discovery that I am a bigger fool than you thought me. I came to this little village to write a novel omid the actual surroundings of a real drama —in the which I have imbedded my plot. Lodg'mg in the same shanty is Constance Carruthers, the clever lady novelist; imagine, then, my surprise (not to mention my forebodings and literary jealousy) when, during one o! our numerous country rambles, i I gleaned that she was at work upon a ( novel moved by the self-same motive a* I my own. Yeo; she too had read the paragraph in the Moon relating to the ! village tragedy that had fired my ini- j agination, and she too has come, tc j Fern stone in search of local color. MY j dilemma is obvious, since there is nc, demand for two no\.ls similar in plot I ami design. A survival of the fittest . was inevitable. Keeping my discovery secret, I took clandestine advantage of my opportunity to peruse Miss Carrti thers' manuscript. Conceive the hor- j ror, pique, disgust, with which I diaeov ; ered that hen* novel (nearly finished) was in every way superior to mine. 1: i was a lesson in comparative incapacity. Beside Miss Carruthers' story mine is i limp and fatuous. Her style is as vigor ! ously refreshing and her expansion o' the motive as clear ns one. knowing her j would expect. Undoubtedly the lilted | lias survived. My own inept endeavor i seventy-odd foolscap pages, represent :ng nine weeks' work, is now crumbling j in charred disorder in the grate. (G oo j 1o the fireplace and viciously prods tin i smouldering paper with a poker. Thei returns to the table and continues.) 1 wish you were acquainted with Mis/ j Carruthers; you would the sooner con I done the weakness with which yow chafT me. She is womanly in thought j and act; yet T nm timid in her presence , iT?r manner is impulsive, sympathetic kind; yet in nil the natural advantage/ | of our position, T dare not whisper that t 1 worship her very shadow. Without i being supercilious, she wears a super!- i oritv thift defies one's amorous ap prooches --that superiority which jam/ ! the. brake on my vanity. It rays as plainly as words: .'lie who would own j me must, first prove himself worthy ot ! the possession.' T have been dreaming i that my novel might accomplish some thing in that direction; but alas! Il i only her I>nok had been a little inferioi ; to mine—" (A knock nt. the door.) Come in (Knter Miss Carruthers). • She (hesitates) - You arc nt work Mr. Rous; I will not disturb you. lie ( jumps up)— Merely a lei ter, T as sure you. She (comes forward) —T only wanted to say good-by. He—Going away? She Tn the morning—and you arc not an early riser. He—You are going to finish youi novel elsewhere? She—Finish—! (Laughs lightly.) My novel is already finished, thank you. lie- Indeed! My congratulations. More to follow on its publication. I wish you the success your genius de rcrves Slip (nervously)— You're very kind— but I'm afraid -that is, I've determined not to publish that particular story. He —What! You don't really mean it? She—l am serious; (quickly) but piease don't request explanations. 1 hare very substantial reasons. When will your book be finished. Mr. Hons? lie—lt lias been finished this ten minutes, Miss Carruthers. (Points tc grate.) Absolutely, undeniably, irre mediably finished. She—But—you don't mean —you have i burnt your manuscript? He—Behold the ashes! Inm off to London by the morning express. 6he (imperatively)— Mr. Itous—why have you destroyed your work? He—Because it was BO very inferior to an existing atory eeotalnlng precise iy Iks Ms?yi?y v , j She—l never heard of the story. He —Yet you wrote it. I refer to the work of genius you have developed dur- : Ing the past few weeks. Yes; 1 deserve i your condemnation. I read yourmanu- I script that morning you took it out under the. willow trees and wandered away in search of wild flowers instead j of working. 1 happened along, if you ! remember, and found it by your sun- j -hade on the ground. I scanned it well ' be/ore your return to the shade of the willows and consciousness of my pres- j ence. 1 She—Mr. Rous—! He—Don't spare ine. It was a breach of good manners, I admit, but from a previous conversation I had gathered that you were nt work upon the very plot J was trifling with, and it was evi dent that publication was reserved for one. There is the result of my reason- j ing (indicates the grate.) In vindica- j j tion of bad manners I can nt least urge that my judgment was discreet, and That my curiosity was not based upon a mean motive. I claim your mercy, i She— O, Mr. Rous, don't appeal to me. j IMy own conscience is far from free. 1 He —In what way? She—Call to mind an afternoon Inst j week when 3011 slept beneath the apple trees in the orchard, your foolscap and i fountain-pen beside >*ou. 1 was reading —close at hand—a book, before you dozed—vour manuscript after. He—O! She —Tn mitigation of which I ad vance much the same arguments as j yourself. From the conversation vou referred to I suspected that my plot was your plot. He—You read the paragraph in the J Moon, as I suspected? She—And eaine here in search of local color. I sat in judgment, too, as 3*oll did, upon our respective stories, and — He—But yours was indubitably the befet. She—l arrived at the opposite con clusion. Mr. Rous. He—You are mistaken. Your story j was incomparably superior to mine. She—l cannot agree with you. He—At least, you will publish yours, since mine is in ashes. She —If I must confess—that is im possible. Mine is at the bottom of the river. He—Never. She—Frankly, Mr. Rous, I was | ashamed of mine, after perusing 3'ours. j So I drowned it, as u boy drowns a rat. ' with a brickbat for dead weight. (There is a long pause and much ; silent reflection. At last he speaks. ! very deliberately.) He—Must you return to London to morrow, Miss Carruthers? Fhe—There is no reason for delay. 1 have finished my novel. He—The plot is really n good ue. She—Worth your rewriting, Mr. Rous, j indeed it is. He—lt is worth the writing again, undoubtedly. I was thinking that if ; "i NEVER HEARD OF THE STORY." vou were at liberty to remain here foi ! 11 few weeks we might—collaborate? | She (enthusiastically)— Would vou I really like to? 1 He—Beyond everything. | She—l have never tried collaboration, but I think it must be delightful. He—l feel sure of it. (Five minutes j later she goes, and he hastily finishes 1 j his letter.) "I have seen Miss Cnrruth- ! ; crs, Dick, old boy, and am not coming i Ixack to town just yet. Will explain i more lucidly later. Miss Carruthers J and I are going to rewrite our story— ;in collaboration. Don't be surprised if you hear that the collaboration is to last."—Black and White. An Unsafe Criterion. A story is going the rounds which il- 1 i lustra tea the vanity of estimating 11 um- 1 | bers by noise. It sets forth that a Yan- I j Lee once went to a hotel where he tried | and liked a dish of frogs' legs—for j which, however, he had to pay a large , price. | "What makes you charge so much for j ; em?" he asked the landlord. ! "Because they arc scarce," answered I j the hotelkeeper. J "Scarce!" exclaimed the Yankee, ' "Why, I'll agree to get you 1,000,000 of j >iu." ; "Agreed,"'said the landlord; "if 3-011 1 bring me 1,000,000 I'll find a market for them." "All right—l'll have 'em by to-night, , sure." The Yankee, went away, and at night | came back with eight pairs of frogs* ! lego. ! "Where nre the rest of the million?" j asked the landlord. | "Well, to tell the truth," answered the Yankee, "I formed my judgment of the number ly the noise!"— Youth's Companion. —The number of asteroids discovered up to present date is 423. A number of these small planets have not been ob served since their discovery, and are practically lost. Consequently it is now sometimes a matter of doubt, until the elements have been computed, whethc r the supposed new planet is renlly new. cr only an old one rediscovered. NICE FOR THE DOGS. flow New York's Swell Glrlg Now Carry 1 Their Canine Pets. The swell girl who is thoroughly up to date no longer curries her pet dog us if it were a tender infant. It-is not at all ; uncommon to see a fashionably dressed woman walking along carrj'ing the | curly object of her adornment | wrapped up in n contrivance that re sembles a shawl strap. It is a sort of harness with a strap fastened over the dog's hips and another over liis breast, lifter the fashion of the hame and the breeching that form so important a feature of the harness of a horse. At first thought it might seem as if the canine swell would object to being HOW TO CARRY YOUR DOG. suspended in midair in this way. Quite the contrary, however. Experience shows that it is much more comfort able than being squeezed and smoth ered in the arms of his mistress or her maid, no matter how carefully they try to move him about. Moreover, since the harness is no im pediment to the dog moving about on his feet, a chain can be attached to the handle und the little animal led along its easily as if he had no harness on at all. All sovts of dogs that are small enough for pets are carried in this fashion. The new style is very popular among all the young women who own dogs, but the style is not limited to the younger members of the smart set. The matron and the dowager also fol low it with scrupulous care. For the winter season the carrying harness and the blanket are combined. As a rule, t.he blanket is of corduroy, and keeps the shivering pet as warm as bus mistress in her furs. In color, the blanket is generally red, and it is a comical sJght to see this red blanketed and behandled creature trailing along at the side of his mistress as she walks down the street, or hanging limply from the blanket harness as it depends from the lady's hand. Prices of the carrying harness and blanket vary consfderablv, ranging from five to forty dollureeaeh. Some times the leather and the blanket, are embroidered with silver, and occasion ally gold ornamentation glitters on the combination. Combine the gold col lar set with diamonds, and the gold and fiilverornamcnted carrying harness and blanket, and the result makes the pam pered dog of fashion almost its conspic uous an object as his pretty and richly dressed mistress. Upon stormy days, when his mistress desires to give the small aristocrat an airing she can carry him in a newly invented satchel which answers the purpose admirably. It is rounded in form, opens at one side, and at one end the leather is upon hinges and can be let entirely down or partially so, as maj' be desired. When this is done, a net work of leather or sometimes silver wire is re vealed, permitting the occupant of the queer looking satchel to breathe all the fresh air it desires.—N. Y. Herald. DRESSING THE BED. Much CUD lie Accomplished Now with Very l.ittio Money. People in good circumstance:; and in good society still prefer bi ass bedsteads. Those next in favor are mahogany and other hard woods; then softer woods stained the new moss green or enameled white, with designs of windmills and canals in blue, to imitate delft ware. (Bedspreads come in all the delicate colors, but the unrelieved white are the most desirable, because the best to launder. Cottage quilts- are gay weav ings at a low price, which resemble the homemade efforts of our grandmoth ers. These spreads are especially sold for the summer house use and the rooms of young girls. Mitcheline is the name of a "Mar seilles" effect in delicate colors, pink, blue, light and delft, with flower and fern, patterns; two dollars. There are better qualities in these effects and the colorings include deep yellow and lilac, as well as pinks and blues. English dimity spreads are inexpen sive, some as low as two dollars. Then there are white spreads, with the deep , border and "brocaded" flowerings of ; large size, also with the "satin" linish. You can pay as high as $25 for some of those, and when you get to- cicgaoit lace spreads laid over these there is no limit to the cost. Plain or elab orate, there is just one way now in favor for dressing a bed, and that is with the cover neatly tucked in all around and surmounted by a round French bolster, whose cover must match the spreads. Heavy white linen with borders and centerpiece embroidered in yellow wash silk looks well. —Chicago Chronicle. CASTOR IA For Infants and Children. The Philadelphia Record after a career of nearly twenty years of uninterrupted growth is justified in claiming that the standard first established by its founders is the one true test of A Perfect Newspaper. To publish ALL THE NEWS promptly and succinctly and in the most readable form, without elision or partisan bias; to dis cuss its significance with frank ness, to keep AN OPEN EYE FOR PUBLIC ABUSES, to give besides a complete record of cur rent thought, fancies and dis coveries in all departments of human activity in its DAILY EDITIONS of from 10 to 14 PAGES, and to provide the whole for its patrons at the nom inal price of ONE CENT—that was from the outset, and will continue to be the aim of "THE RECORD." The Pioneer one cent morning newspaper in the United States, "The Re cord" still LEADS WHERE OTHERS FOLLOW. Witness its unrivaled average daily circulation exceeding 160,000 copies, and an average exceed ing 120,000 copies for its Sunday editions, while imitations of its plan of publications in every im portant city of the country testi fy to the truth of the assertion that in the quantity and quality of its contents, and in the price at which it is sold "The Record" has established the standard by which excellence in journalism must be measured. The Daily Edition of "The Record" will be sent by mail to any address for 53.00 per year or 25 cents per month. The Daily and Sunday editions together, which will give its readers the best and freshest information of all that that is gci lg on in the world every day in the year including holidays, will be sent for $4.00 a year or 35 cents per month. Address THE RECORD PUBLISHING CO. Record Building, Philadelphia, Pa. GREAT BARGAINS IN Dry Goods, Groceries and Provisions. Notions, Carpet, Boots and Shoes, Flour and Feed, Tobacco, Cigars, Tin and Qitecnswarc, Wood and Willowirarc, I'able and Floor Oil Cloth, Etc. A celebrated brand of XX Hour alwuys in stock. Roll Butter and Eggs a Specialty. My motto is small protlts and quick sales. I always have fresh goods and am turning my stock every month. Every article is guaranteed. AMANDUS OSWALD, N. W. Cor. Centre and Front Sts., Freeland. Are You a Roman Catholic Then you shouldonjoy reading the liternry productions of the best talent in the Catho lic priesthood and laity (and you know what they CAN do), as they apj>ear weekly in The Catholic Standard and Times OF PHILADELPHIA, The ablest and most vigorous defender of Catholicism. All the news—strong edito rials—a children's department, which is ele vating and educational. Prizes offered monthly to the little ones. Only 0*2.00 per year. The (rainiest Premium ever Issued by any paper given to subseribers for 1887. Hend for sample copies and premium circular. The Catholic Standard and Times Pub'g Co 508-505 Chestnut St. Phlln. Dr. N. MALEY, Bimif. Second Floor, Birkbeck Brick. OVEK BIRKBECK'S STORE. Best Cough Byrup. Tastes hood. Use In time. Sold by druggists In PLEASURE CALENDAR. March 15.—Lecture by Rev. Father Phillips, of Plains, under tin; auspices of Division 0, A. O. 11.. at the Grand opera house. Subject: "Ireland for the Irish and the Land for the Peo ple." Admission. 25 and 15 cents. March 17. —Production of "The Rag- Pickers' Child," under the auspices of St. Patrick's cornet band, at the Grand opera house. Admission, 3ft, 35 and 15 cents. March 17.—Hall of DcPlerro's orchestra at Yannes' opera house. Admission, 50 cents. March 23.—"The Hidden Treasure," under the auspices of the Junior Dramatic Company, at Yanneg' opera house, Admission, 10, 15 and 25c. - p p [jPTffffTTWRPiI THAT THE AVege table Preparation for As- SI GN ATU R E simulating Hie food andßegula tir\g the Stomachs and Bowels of OF Promotes Digestion,Cheerful nessandßest.Contains neither KScotic"' 13 ON THE W |\Ar r L-J-5L Hon RAILROAD TIMETABLES THE DELAWARE, SUSQUEHANNA ANL SCHUYLKILL RAILROAD. Time table in effect December 15, 1895. Trains leuve Urifton lor Jcddo, Eckley, Huzle Brook, Stockton. Beaver Meadow Koad, Koun and Hazleton Junction at 5 ;10, 6UU u in, 4 15 p m. daily except Sunday; and 7 03 a in, 2 38 p m, Sunday. Trains leuve Drifton tor Harwood. Cranberry, Tonihicken and Deringer at 5 30 a in. p m, daily except Sunday; aud 7 03 a m, 238 p oi, Sun day. Trains leave Drifton for Oneida Junction, Hurwood Koad, lluoiboldt Hoad, Oneida aud Sheppton atti 00 a ra. 4 16 p m, daily except Sun day; and 7 03 a in, - 38 p iu, Sunday. Trains leave llazleton J unction for Hurwood, Cranberry, Tomhicken aud Dcnnger at 835 a m, daily except Sunday; aud 8 63 a rn, 4 22 p m, Sunday. Trains leave Hazleton Junction for Oucida Junction, llurwoou Koad, Humboldt ltoad, Oneida and Sheppton at U 29, 11 10 a in, 4 4ti p in, daily except Sunday; urnl 7 37 a m, 308 pin, Sunday. Trains leave Deringer for Tonihicken, Cran berry, Harwood, llazleton Junction, Hoan, Beaver Meudow ltoad. Stockton, Uazle Brook,. Eckley, Jeddo and Drifton ut 2 25, 5 40 p in, daily except Sunday; aud 937 a ui, 507 p in, Sunday. Trains leave Sheppton for Oneida, Humboldt Koad, Harwood ltoad, Oneida Junction, Hazle ton Junction and Hoan at 7 11 a in, 12 40, 525 p m, daily except Sunday; and 8 09 a m, 3 44 p in, Sunday. Trains leave Sheppton for Beaver Meadow Koad, Stockton, llazlc Brook, Eckley, Jcddo and Drifton at 525 p in, daily, except Sunday; aud 8 09 a in, 3 44 p in, Sunday. Trains leuve Hazleton Junction for Beaver Meadow Koad, Stockton, Huzle Krook, Eckley, Jeddo aud Drifton at 3 09, 5 47, 620 p m, daily, except Sunday; and 10 us a in, a 38 p tn, Sunday. All trains connect at llazleton Junction with electric cars for Hazleton, Jeaneaville, Auden ried and other points on the Traction Com pany's line. Trains leaving Drifton at 600 a m, Hazleton Junction ut G29 a m, und Sheppton at 7 11 a in, connect ut Oneida Junction with Lehigh Valley trains east und west. Train leaving Drifton at 5 30 a m makes con nection at DerinKer with I'. K. K. train for Wilkesburre, Suubury, liurrisburg aud poluts west. For ilie accommodation of passengers at way stations between Hazleton Junction and Der inger, an extra tram will leuve the former pnuitut3 50 p m, daily, except Sunday, arriv ing at Deriiiger at 6 UU p m. LUTiiEK C. SMITH, Superintendent. LEHIGH VALLEY RAILROAD. November 10, 18DG. A ibtained,and Pat- 1 ! A ent business conducted for MOTOR RATE FEES. J OUR OFFICE IS OPPOSITE U. 9. PATENT OFFICE ' J and we can secure patent in less time than those g remote from Washington. f Send model, drawing or photo., with descrip- <* Jtion. We advise, if patentable or not, free of 1 ' g charge. Our fee not due till patent it secured. \ > i A PAMPHLET, "How to Obtain Patents," with i ' J cost of same in the U. S. and foreign countries , F sent free. Address, , > jC.A.SNOW&CO. 5 ©pp. PATENT OFFICE, WASHINGTON, D. C.