NOT TO BE MENDED AGAIN. You can take a piece of china that's been broken by the maid, And can put the thing together If you know the mender's trade. You can mend the thing so neatly that no one will ever know That It hus e'er been shattered by an uncon sidered blow. You can take a heart that's broken by somi small flirtatious girl, And can mend the fractured pieces till they're smooth as any pearl. Av, say that that heart's possessor feels as sturdy as an oak, And forgets that e'er it happened that his heart was ever "broke." You can fall from a bicycle and make pieces of your nose; You can break your collar-bone, or you can fracture all your toes; You can crush your arm In splinters; you can smash your either leg. And a doctor ho wIH tlx It till It's whole as any egg. You can smash an ocean record, but that rec ord still is there. You may break a trotting >record with a rapid little mare, And leavo tho old one standing just as whole, quite as complete, As whon It sent tho Jockeys a-huzzalng through the street. But, alas! If you are angry, and have angry words to soy, Beware, a broken silence, or you'll surely rue the day. For a silence that Is broken, by the women or the men. Is a thing that can't be mended, can't be ren dered whole again. —Harper's Bazar. PLAYED A NEW HAMLET, BY L. FRANK BAU.U. O," said the actor, as he put his feet on the opposite seat, threw-his ulster over the head of the harmless old gen tleman in front of us, nnd proceeded to light his corncob pipe, "life with a cross-roads aggre gation ain't no snap. You travel ing men think you lead hard lives, but as a matter of fact you don't know what troulrie is. Why, I've worked for five companies since the first of Octo ber, and played every part you can think of except a bronze statue, and where am I now? On my way to join an Uncle Tom's Cabin company of the deepest dye! Wouldn't expect it in an artist and a gentleman, I know; but three meals a day arc indispensable to my health and happiness, and 1 must do what 1 cau till Henderson offers me the comedy part in his new extravu ganza. "Comedian? Not on your birthday; I'm a tragedian by instinct and educa tion; but it so happened that I always have to play the comedy role wherever I go—fate, I suppose, or what those theosophist Indiamaniacscall Karma. I never remember playing a part to my liking hut once, and that was under adverse circumstances. I did the ghost in 'Hamlet,' and it was this way: I'd joined a party of barnstormers who were playing week stands through the mining towns in Pennsylvania. We sported a brass band at one time, but they had skipped out and left us with nothing hut a bass drum, that was of little use as an attraction; still we luggvd it around with us. Well, one week we were at a coal town way up on the hills above the Two Lick, where the natives were as green as grass. The first night's performance was a great success, hut at its close a com mittee of miners waited on us with a request that we play 'Hamlet' the next night. Our manager replied that 'Hamlet' was not a part of our reper tory, hut that we'd give 'em a much Initter show. The miners were evi dently disappointed, and the leader said: " 'See here, boss, we've got to have this Hamlet show or the folks'll git mad. None of us ever seen it, hut there was a digger here last year as could talk of nothin' else but Hamlet, as was the greatest show ever played an' had a ghost to it. Now, you say as you're actors, but can't play Hamlet; we've "YOU SHALL HAVE THE GHOST." talked with the boys, an' that's the play they all want. You give us that an' we'll pack the house for you.' "The manager looked puzzled and undecided, and another miner noticed it and exclaimed: "'See here, cap'n, if you can't give us Hamlet why leave that out, but give us the ghost anyway.' "The manager put on his sweetest smile. " 'My friends,' he said, 'you shall have the ghost, and Hamlet, too.' "'To-morrow night?' " "To-morrow night.' "The delegates thanked us earnestly and withdrew, while the members of the company turned upon their be trayer in anger and amazement. " 'Who knows anything about Ham let?' I asked. "'Who's got a copy of the phiy?' in quired the heavy man. " 'Where's the costumes coming from?' screamed the leading lady. "Hut the manager silenced us all. "Look here,' he said; 'if they are bound to have Hamlet they shall hare hirn. It'll fill the housj. 1 never taw Hamlet myself, but 1 know a few quotatic ns from it, an 1 the most they want is the ghost, anyhow. We'll go Dn and do anything we like—fake the thing through—and when it gets dull we'll ring in the ghost for excitement.' "That settled it, but I own I had mis givings when I looked at t!e stage. We were playing in a schoolhouse.and, as there was no stage, we had been been obliged to build one, from some lumber a miner had bought to add a wing to his house. lie wouldn't let us cut the boards or nail them, so we laid them across some trusses, meetiug the ends in the middle, and during tho performance we had to exercise great care where we steDped or the end of a plank would fly up and give us an exit not down in the play. "When the evening came there was a very nervous lot of actors behind the improvised curtain, and even the mana ger lost a part of his assurance and would have backed out had he dared. But tho minors were packed in the house like sardines in a box, and there wasn't standing room for a fly, so we knew it would not be safe to change the bill on them. "That performance of 'Hamlet' was the rankest parody on a play ever pre sented to a suffering public. The miners looked on critically and tried to make out what it was all about. The manager, who was chief actor as well, stayed on the stage most of tne time himself, getting off time-honored gags and trying to put a little go into his embarrassed and indignant company. I was to play the ghost, b.itnot having seen 'Hamlet' at that time and having no idea how to dress the part I had covered myself with a she?t and swung the bass drum in front of me. As I'm rather short, my eyes just ranged across the top of the instrument. My cue was to be 'Who art thou?' but I was busily engaged in watching the antics of the company. "They had been a little reckless in their movements and some of the boards near the center of the stage had slipped back, leaving a hole about two feet across. Owing to the drum I never saw this hole. I stood waiting for my cue in the wings, but 1 was thinking intently of something else when I be came conscious that the manager was "I AM THY FATHHR'S OHOST!" itanding at the other side of the stage glaring angrily at me and shouting: 'Who art thou?' at the top of his voice. "Instantly I stepped out, gave the drum a solemn beat at each stride and exclaimed: 'I am thy father's ghost!' At the same time 1 unconsciously walked into the gaping hole in the stage ami disappeared like a shot; but the drum remained on top while I was struggling in the darkness to gain a footing and the crowd was shouting in intense delight at this magnificent de nouement. The manager rang down the curtain ami act first was concluded. They drew me out all covered with humps and bruises, and, while the company roared with laughter and the manager thanked me with tears in his eyes for saving the piece, I tried to col lect iny wits and discover what had happened. "Hut this wasn't the worst of it. Those cussed miners thought the acci dent was part of the piece, and during the next act shouted so energetically for the ghost that I was forced to go on and repeat the whole business. The third net was the same way, and when it was over my legs and arms were skinned, one eye was swelled shut, two of my front teeth were missing and every inch of my anatomy was sore. The crowd waited outside to escort me to the boarding house, where they gave me three rousing cheers, 'Tell you what,' said one of them to me the next day, as 1 sat propped up in bed, 'that air Hninlet is a great show. We sorter wondered why you didn't want to play it for us, hut we understand now, and are grateful to you for givin' in. If ever your troupe coines here agaiu, an' you give us Hamlet an' the ghost, you can have every dollar the town holds!' "And that," concluded the actor, with a sigh, as he picked his grip out of the rack and put on his ulster, "is the only time I remember playing a tragic part, and yet my soul yearns for tragedy. Good-by, old man, I get out here. To-night, if you'll stop off, you'll see me once more in the grasp of re lentless fate, and playing the fascinat ing part of Marks, the lawyer—for which sin may Heaven forgive me!"— Chicago Times-Herald. Mr. nn to act, in fact, as if it did not wish to space of ten seconds. My lirst efforts were made more years ago than I care to estimate, on the ordinary bone shaker of commerce, a two-wheeled vehicle with hickory spokes in the wheels. If I remember rightly, I broke up the machine, and abandoned the attempt. Never shall I forget my amazement when I saw a human being for the lirst time on one of those wheels which we now call the ordinary bicycle. It seemed to me then anything but ordi nary. In due time I tackled one of these machines at a riding school, and the result of this wonderful conflict I wrote up years and years ago. The result was that in a certain number of rounds the machine floored me every time, drawing first, second and third blood. As I had some work to do in this world I again abandoned the at tempt, not wishing to break myself into little pieces. On various occasions since then I have endeavored to train up a bicycle in the way it should go, but always without success. It is an amazing' thing, then, tlfat a sedate, middle-aged man should try to do what he had invariably failed to aecomplish in his youth. In looking back to see who is really responsible for this amazing outbreak on my part, I think the man most to blame is that celebrated dramatic author, Mr. Ilron son Howard. Yet Mr. Howard has always been exceedingly kiivl and gen tle with me, as, indeed, he is with everyone, and I have often wondered why he endeavored to lure me on to the top of a bicycle. Perhaps it is that Providence does not intend any man to be entirely good, and as anyone who is acquainted with Mr. Howard has never any fault to And with him, it may be that his goading of a man toward feats of bicyeular eccentricity takes the place in Mr. Howard's nature that re venge, envy and all uncharitableness occupy in the souls of the rest of us. Mr. Howard at first practiced on a tricycle, and used to cover amazing dis tances on that remarkably sane ma chine. Once when in Honolulu, with nothing to occupy his mind or his muscles but a bicycle that happened to l>e unemployed at that particular time, Mr. Howard tumbled about the land of the Sandwich islands, and neurlj r got himself llung into the Pacific on twoor three occasions, but he persevered and finally conquered the two-wheeler. Since then he has been bragging about it and inviting me to take trips with him to various interesting portions of the earth. So I said to myself that if a mere dra matic author had brains enough to ride a bicycle, surely a talented news paper man could do the same. A friend of mine in England said that the real way to acquire the bi cycle habit was to get a machine of my own. "As long," said he, "as yon simply depend on hired machines you won't Uoirn, because you have nothing at stake, but once j'ou spend your money for a first-class bicycle you are then "I PUT MY FOOT ON THE STEP." compelled to learn, or else there is so much cash thrown away." This seemed very reasonable, so I pondered upon it and then bought the biggest book on cycling that is pub lished, a very expensive book, one of the volumes of the Badmington Libra ry, edited by a real lord, and illustrated by a prince—a prince of the brush— named .Joseph Pennell, who is a cycler himself, and he draws very alluring pictures of the machine. I studied up this volume and was amazed to see how easy it was to ride a bicycle. I then took the advice of the book as to which particular machine to buy. It gives several pages in a description of a particular safety, and I learned that that machine had none of the vices which were so prominent in those bi cycles with which I had heretofore been brought into contact. On this one it was impossible to take a header. The machine also would not slip side ways in the mud. It has numerous other advantages, for a list of which I refer all inquirers to the cycling vol ume of the Badmington library. So 1 had a wheel made to measure— for they measure vou for a bicycle in England just as if vou were getting a pair of trousers made —and the other day the machine was delivered in good shape wrapped up in brown paper. At the back part of my house there is a somewhat large lawn that costs me ever so much a year for having a lazy man with a lawn inower go over it two or three times a month. I thought I would make things interest ing for this man the next time he came with his lawn mower by practic ing over the grass with my new bi sycle. The machine was a beautiful one, nickel-plated everywhere that nickel would, stick on it, and so light that jrou could easily pick it up in one hand, grasping it by the backbone. It seemed almost too pretty for a rough and tumble fight, even on the velvety lawn, a.td I had some thought of put ting it buck in its brown paper ay .in and hiring a second-hand machine to learn on, but as it was guaranteed to hang together under almost any cir cumstances I concluded to go ahead with it. 1 put my left foot on the step that extends out from the hub of the hind wheel, and hopping with my right foot pushed it ahead of me. The ma chine behaved beautifully, but perhaps that was because I hopped the whole lersgth of the lawn and had not the courage to jump up into the saddle. On the next round my natural bravery returned to me, and 1 raised myself above the machine and sat down some what emphatically and not too com fortably. The wheel seemed to be amazed at this, for with a large space of lawn to wander over, it promptly .lashed over the border to the left, then, with a wild swoop to the right, fell and landed me in a rose bush. Nothing seemed to be broken except the bush, so 1 tackled it again and again and again. The result of the (irst morning's work was that I could place myself in the saddle and trundle along the lawn hanging on like grim death to the handle bar, hut without daring to put 1113' feet on the pedals. I discovered more different muscles in my own body than Uiad any idea 1 possessed. Every bone and sinew uchcd, not with the falls, for I had been singularly lueky in that respect, but with the exertion of hopping alontf "THE LAWN WAS GETTING TOO SMALL FOR ME." after the machine, and springing into the saddle and straining every nerve to keep the combination from going over. Not to make too long a story of it, I may saj' that for three days the ma chine and I discussed this matter, and every morning when I led it out on to the lawn I seemed at first to know less about balancing myself than 1 had done when I quitted the business the day before. Perhaps during the night the machine had thought up some new tricks. At last I rose up very early one morning, long before the season-ticket man began to pass my house to go to the railway station, for his London train. I felt that the lawn was getting too small for me. I could now work the pedals reasonably well, and stagger about the place from one end to the other of the grass plot, but I could not turn around, for when I attempted to do so the machine would swoop like a hawk into one of the (lower beds or into a convenient piece of shrubbery. Our neighborhood is u quiet one, and the street, at most times, is not so busy as the Strand. I expected to have it all to my eel f in the early morning out, but in this I reckoned without the milkman. I had no idea before that the multitudinal milkman was such a (lend in human shape. lie drives a ve hicle modeled after the old Roman chariots, and he drives at a rate of speed that is something appalling. The moment I got 011 my bicycle in the road some accursed milkman would come tearing up, and taking it for granted that I knew all about bicycle steering he never paid the slightest at tention to me. Consequently 1 came within an ace of being smashed up into pieces 011 several occasions, and after steering my machine up on the sidewalk and into the fence to get out of his way I used language that 1 knew must have turned most of the milk in that neighborhood sour. One morning, thoroughly discour aged with the business, I got out 011 the street a little later than usual, so as to be ri80,400,304. THE value of Montana, mines and all, is $18,600,803. WYOMING was at the last census worth $18,631,839. NEVADA has an assessed valution of $29,301,459. THE assessors of 1890 rated Michigan ;it $517,666,850. MARYLAND has an assessed valuation of $407,307,675. NEW YORK has $33,000,000 invested in private libraries. THE assessed valuation of New Hamp shire is $305,586,805. ARIZONA'S territory and resources are valued at $0,270,214. IDAHO has the least nominal valua tion, being only $0,440,876. THE clocks in this country arc esti mated to number 14,000,000. THE little state of Delaware might be bought for $50,051,043. SOUTH CAROLINA'S wealth of all kind? s estimated at $133,500,135. FROM INDIAN NAMES. Fox river, in Illinois, got a name from the translation of the Indian designation, Meshdeke-Wakpa, "ltivcr jf the Foxes." GASF.O bay, in Maine, has its name from an Indian word meaning "crane." These birds were formerly plentiful on its shores. LEECII lake, in Minnesota, takes its name from a translation of the Indian Gahsuhgusgwah Chemakang, "the place of leeches." KKNNEIIEC was the nearest approach the whites could make to the pronunci ation of Quinninnippiohke, "the place of long water." THE Conemaugh was named from an Indian word meaning "otter creek," from the former abundance of these animals in its waters. THE Appalachieola, in Florida, took its name from that of an Indian town on its banks, Apalachicoli, meaning "an old town or fort." THE Flint, in Michigan, was called by the Indians Perwonigo, "the river of the (lint," from the abundance of this stone on its bunks. HOUSEHOLD BREVITIES. CASTOR oil is the best thing with which to soften leather. A NOVELTY is a combined dough board and barrel cover. CRASH makes good kitchen aprons and washes easily. PILLOW slips should he ironed length wise, instead of crosswise, if one wishes to iron wrinkles out instead of in. KEEP the lamps filled, trimmed and clean in every part to obtain the best results. Do NOT use boiling but merely warm water to wash colored cotton ami ging ham dresses. I.N boiling rice, peas or macaroni save the water in which they are boiled for use in soup. STRING beans "cut on the bias" have a much liner llavor than those which are cut directly across. FRIED hominy is held by epicures in general to he the proper accompani ment for canvasback duck. MILL AND FACTORY. )ELAWAKK has 21,006 persons en gaged in its manufactories, the annual output being $37,571,848. LOUISIANA has 31,001 hands engaged in its manufactories, their annual prod uct being $57,806,713. MINNESOTA employs 79,639 factory hands, with an annual output of $192,- 083,478 worth of goods. WYOMING has 1,144 persons engaged in manufacturing and mukes $3,367,601 worth of goods. KENTUCKY'S factories employ 65,570 hands, and send out annually a product valued at $126,710,857 KANSAS has 82,843 mill and factory hands, making every year a product valued at $110,210,805.' THE factories of Indiana furnish em ployment to 124,340 persons, the out put being $226,825,083. What is Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants and Children. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. It is a harmless substitute for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing Syrups, and Castor Oil. It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use by Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays fcverisliness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd, cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves teething troubles, cures constipation and flatulency, Castoria assimilates the food, regulates the stomach and bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas toria is the Children's Panacea—the Mother's Friend. Castoria. "Castoria is an excellent medicino for chil dren. Mothers have repeatedly told mo of its good effect upoa their children." Da. G. C. OSGOOD, Lowell, Moss. 14 Castoria Is the best remedy for children of which lam acquainted. I hope the day is r.ot far distant when mothers will consider the real Interest of their children, and use Castoria in stead of the various quack nostrums which are destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium, morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful agents down their throats, thereby sending them to premature graves." Da. J. F. KINCHELOE, Conway, Ark. The Centanr Company, 77 Murray Streot, New York City. i i———— iii in ./ x 7 //- (rjy /'. Weimpnrt a thorough knowledge of the i'OM MKRCI AT. STf'DlF.s nt the cost of loss time IIIHI mo 1 lev I linli olhel sehools. TIP ll' \NI IS owe their -iireess in life isO t liev Ml v ( to tne i milium tliev received here. We m-ide HUKAh-Wi N N EES of them. We want vein • ' tiosil ions. PALMS BUSINESS < PhLKti K, 170H-1310 Clicstliut St., IMIIL.A. Printing and Paper! The TRIBUNE'S job printing department now contains the best facilities in the region for turning out first-class work. The office lias been entirely re furnished with the newest and neatest type faces for all clas ses of printing. We have also added recently an improved fast running press, which en ables us to turn out the best work in the shortest time. Our prices are consistent with good work. We carry at all times a large stock of Hat papers of various weights and sizes, as well as colored, news and cover papers of good quality, cardboard, cut cards, etc., which we will sell blank at low rates. Our enve lopes, noteheads, letterheads, billheads and statements are made from the highest grade stock used in commercial print ing, whilst our prices on Ibis kind of work are as low as any. Having a large and pow erful cutter, we are in q, posi tion to do paper cutting of any kind at a low figure. LIBOR WINTER, EESTA.TTE-A.ITT OYSTER SALOON. No. 11l Front 81root, Frecland. Tin- finest liquors timl cigars served at tln cou liter. Pool beer and porter on tap. Pflilclicntcr'rt KliglUh IMIIIIIOIHI It run L ENNYROVAL PILLS Original and Only Orniilne. il r. N . ( " 11 ll T for I ud i< ..." i-.■ ill rll „ I <'hlcli'tor< FIE ill leu I < <•., .IIIIIII.DII ••IIIIUI., " ml Local br.msl its. I'hllndu.. Tholr Parting. She wept upon his shoulder, but ns ho had on his linen duster, preparatory to going awav for a year, the damagj amount to but little. "And shall 1 lind you unchanged when I return, dearest?" he asked. 4, 1 Ido not know," sin* sobbed. lie could feel his hat cracking under the stress of the wave of doubt and jealousy that swept through his brain, lit* gasped • \ moistened his parched lips, hut cn. I frame not a word. ISlio continued; "I do not know, dear; I cannot tell at this early day what color of hair will be in stylo then."—lndianapolis Jour nal. Summer neckwear, 33c at Kefowich's. Castoria. 44 Castoria is so well adapted to children that I recommend it us superior to any prescription kuown to me." 11. A. ARCIIER, M. D., 11l So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, N. Y. 44 Our physicians in the children's depart ment have spoken highly of their experi ence in their outside practice with Castoria, and although we only have among our medical supplies what is kuown as regular products, yet we are freo to confess that the merits of Castoria has won us to look with favor upon it." UNITED HOSPITAL, AND DISPENSARY, Boston, Moss. ALLEN C. SMITH, Pres., AND [ ABSOLUTELY SAVE Th-Ocst S£W!KG MONEY h MACHmE V:-. • MADE WE Oil OCli' dEILERS i in sell you niaclilncß cheaper t run j can get olwewliorc. The NEW 1.,., V. 1m oiirboMt, liiitivcniakc cbenpcr !-. IS2H, m uclt ;in ts>o CLIMAX, IVEAI. and other lilfglt Arm Full Nickel 1 inu d Sewing rHaeu-.neN I'cr sls*oo at d up* Call en our agent or mile it i. Wo Wii nt your trade, ami if price*, term* and square deallna will win, we will hare ft , We challenge the world to produce it DS-iTTim so(M>o Sewing ITlaehiuo for $50.00, or a better S2O. Sewing UlaclUnofor $20.00 than you can buy from us, or our Ai'i sti. THE HEW HOEIE SEVH!!C- KICIiU"- CO. OUANOR, M ARS. lllvriv, PS UNION .... I. fcAN litis ' I MV" A . .I.C .t. FOR SAtr I). S. Ewing, general agent, 1127 Chestnut street, Phila., Pa. CAN I OBTAIN A PATENT? I T I prompt answer and an honr-t opinion, write to ill I N \ A CO., who have had neurlvttfty v>nrs' experience in the patent business. Communica tions Htrietly confidential. A Handbook of In. formation concerning I'airnt*. ami how to oh l.iin tin rn u-'iit tree. Al-o a catalogue ul median tea' and scientific hooka .-cut free. Patents taken through Munn Sc Co. reeelvo Special not ice in the Srieiilillc American. ami thus are brought widely before tin- public with out cost to the inventor. This splendid paper. Issued weekly, elegantly illustrate t. has by fur tho largest nrculatiou of any scientific work in tho World. S.'t a year, Sample copies sent free. Building Edition, niontlily, f'.'.aoii vear. 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(rec ol J Our (cc not due till patent is :c< nred. * J A PAMPHLET, "HOW to Obtain Patent-., ' with# J cost of same in the U. S. ami lorcigu countries t #seut free. Address, $ rC.A.SNOW&CO.: j OPP F ATENT Orncc, WASHINGTON.