FREELAND TRIBUNE.
PUBLISH KD EVEKY
MONDAY AND TnUHSDAY.
rilOS. A. BUCKLEY,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
OFFICE: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE.
HUINSCRIPTION BATES.
One Year $1 fiO
Six Months 75
Four Months - 60
Two Months 25
Subscribers are requested to observe the data
following the name on the labels of their
pupera. Dj referring to this they can toll at a
glance how they stand on the books In this
office. For instance;
ti rover Cleveland 28J uncflS
means that Drover is paid up to June 28, IHO6,
Keep tbe figures in advance of tho present data.
Ib?port promptly to this office when your paper
Is not received. All arrearages must bo paid
when paper la discontinued, or collection will
be made in the manner provided by law.
A New York woman has pawned the
ashes of her cremated husband for
$125. Some New York husbands, it
seems, are worth more dead than alive.
The $3f>4,000 stolen by Bookkeeper
Seeley has evaporated, leaving nothing
behind It. For ull bis pains Seeley has
nothing left but a penitentiary sen
tence.
If LI Hung Chang really has $500.-
000,000 It seems strange that he would
remain iu Chlua as a punchiug-bag for
Japan when he could enjoy himself lu
this country for several months on
that amount.
Patents have been issued at Wash- i
ingtou to a Western man for un electri- !
cal device making collision of trains j
impossible. The invention Is timely
for the Chicago tunnel-using corpora
tions. But there is not the slightest
likelihood that they will adopt it so
long as they can buy up Council mem
bers enough to save money on safety
devices.
North Carolina is tho latest State to
agitate for good roads. The people
there have J tuft awakened—or been
awakened, rather—to the fact that
for eight months In the year when their
roads are at the best a 2,000-pouiul
load Is about an average for two
horses, which in the bad season is
reduced to 1,000, while oil a good inue
udam road the average load for two
horses is 4,000 pounds. A few object
lessons of this character will teach the
people that poor roads are tho poorest
kind of economy.
Our exchanges tell of the organization
of a peculiar society in Detroit called
the "Anti-Kissing League." Its sole
purpose Is to discourage those emo
tional persons who llnd relief from
high pressure feelings only in oscula
tion. The platform of the league Is
"Kissing must go!" and Its members
have adopted as a distinctive badge a
bright, red ribbon, worn In the button
hole or at the throat. This flaming red i
challenge Is not Intended to invite to
contest, but to warn all would-be tres
passers to "keep off the grass," iiguru
tively speaking. In view of the fact
that thus far the membership includes
only unmarried women over 40 years
old, perhaps it is just as well to label
them plainly in order to prevent waste
of time and emotional energy.
The complacency of England and
Canada toward this country in the mat
ter of canal policies would be lovely If
It were not for future possibilities. Eng
land Is as willing that the United States
should construct the Nicaragua canal
as It. was that France and Egypt should
construct the Suez canal, which It now
owns. Canada offers permission to the
United States to take control of the en
tire system of Canadian canals and
keep them in repair. In both cases, that
of Nicaragua ami that of Canada, tho
canals, after the United States should
take control, would be Just as free to
British and Canadian commerce re
spectively as they would be if England
and Canada should be at the cost of
construction and repair. They are per
fectly willing that the United States
should pay all the expense of the canals
for the joint use and benefit of all par
lies concerned. It Is a remarkably edi
fying display of international good na
ture.
The Cramps get $414,G00 premiums
on the new cruiser Minneapolis be
cause of making it more speedy than
the contract demanded. Why should
not tho contracts of the Government
fix the speed of the vessel to be built
find hold the builders to that speed
wllhout bonus or premium. Govern
ment offioers design the new men-of
war and their designs fix practically
the speeding possibilities. It is folly
to make a contract for an oightoon-knot
vessel with a big premium to the build
ers If sho goes twenty knots. Why not
make the contract call for twenty
knots? The existing system by which
the Cramps get $414,(>00 in premiums
on one vessel is as unbusiness-like as
it would 1k for a builder to say to a
contractor: "Here is a plan for a 100-
room building. You can bid on It with
the understanding that if you con
squeeze In 101 rooms you shall have a
bonus of 10 per cent, on the amount of
your bid."
The Mustache.
It Is Spain that is credited with the
origin of the mustache. At a period af
ter the Moorish Invasion, when the
Christian and Moslem populations he
came so mixed that it was hard to say
which were Moors ami which Span
iards, the pious Spaniards hit upon the
mustache as a means of identification.
They permitted the hair on the upper
lip to grow, and also a tuft on the under
lip, an outline of the cross being thus
formed.
CURFEW TIDE.
'The long day closes."
! Tho thrushes sln'jf In every tree ;
The shndows long an l longer grow;
Broad sunbeams Ho athwart tho loa ;
Tho oxen low ;
Bound roof and tower tho swallows slide ;
And slowly, slowly sinks tho sun,
At curfew tide,
When day Is dono.
Sweet sloop, tho nlght-tlmo's fairest child,
O'er all tho world her pinions spreads ;
Each flower, beneath hor lofluenco mild,
Fresh fragranco shed ;
The owls, on silent wings and wide,
Steal from tho woodlands, ono by ono,
At curfow tide,
When day is done.
Tho more the clanging rookery ring 3
With voico of many a noisy bird ;
Tho startled wood-dovo's clattering wings
No more are hoard ;
With sounds llko whispers faintly sighed,
Soft breezes through tho troo-tops run,
At curfow tide,
When day is dono.
Eo may it bo when life is spent,
When ne'er another sun can rise,
Nor light ono other joy present
To dying eyes ;
Then softly may the spirit glide
To realms of rest, undisturbed by none,
At curfew tide,
When day is done.
—S. Cornish Wutkins, In Ckambors's Journal.
A BLUNDER RECTIFIED.
J /l liS. MORLEY was a
u\ ai w *^° w,it Not,
_ If B of course, that sho
/vJll a bad over longed for
\f a that state, for Mrs.
i Morley had a good,
I vX) sensible head on her
pretty slio u 1-
|i \ .if dors and she
l//( (At V\'i- 1 know she had taken
f 1/1 fill 1 \\\\ k° r late husband
II ill fj L |l; not only for better
u I but also for worse,
1 N probably. [Then,
too, she was a young
Tut.... jl- woman of conscience
ami she hail tried to bear all the de
ceased Mr. Morley's ill points as a'
good, true wife should. Iu fact, she
had succeeded so well that, whou the
poor man finally realized that he had
to die, he honestly confessed that he
had been most wrong in his past
treatment of her and died with a hal f
finished, penitent sentence of praise
for her on his white lips.
However, Mrs. Morley all at once
woke up to the fact that there was
just a hint of relief in tho realization
that there was no longer a crpven
minded, coarse-bodied man to scatter
discord along her whole pathway of
life. She was deeply ashamed of her
self when she (iuaily recognized this
disloyalty, and cried half the night iu
sheer fear anil doubt for her future.
Nevertheless, by tbe time that her
lawyer had brought order out of the
chaos of hor husband's Bmall means
anil had graciously informed her that
grim starvation stared her iu the face,
she had arrived at tho point where
she eoulil swallow her last sob, give
her pretty, tired eyes a farewell dash
of tears anil set her snowy little teeth
in firm determination.
But what should she do? She didn't
know a typewriter half so intimately as
she did a sewing-machine, anil she was
as completely ignorant of tho latter
apparatus as a girl of twelve. Sho
could manage a house, it is true, for
hadn't she presided at tho head of the
late Mr. Morley's stormy household
for the last five years? However, af
ter she had nustvered tho advertise
ment of a gay young bachelor who
smiled altogether too fondly, and
called to seo a crusty old widower, auil
found that sho was supposed to play
mother to half dozen irritable, neg
lected littlo sons, she gavo up all
hopes in that direction.
She even contemplated selling tape
in a large store, but after she had
watched a poor, harassed salesgirl for
a few minutes sho gulped dowu a
choking sensation in her throat anil
forswore that as a possible opening.
Her best pair of gloves were out at the
tips; she had had to eschew sugar in
her toa last night, and, taking it all in
all, poor little Mrs. Morley, for the
first time since his death, began to
feel a rising indignation towards tho
man whose unfeeling selfishness had
left her so thoroughly helpless.
It was raining sharply, anil tho de
mure-mouthed young widow had
drawn her curtaius close, extravag
antly heaped her last coal on her toy
like fire, and settled herself for her
lonely tea, this timo not only lacking
in tho nsual sweetening accessory but
flanked by only a half-share of wafers.
Suddenly there came a most per
emptory knock on her outsido door.
Instantly all signsof louliness vanished
in the face of this new calamity of a
visitor when she was so unprepared.
While she flow into her next room and
made a frantic toilet before tbe tiny
mirror she gavo a sigh of roliet when
she realized that it couldn't bo a visi
tor on such a stormy evening and just
at t! o'clock.
So with a bravo front sho threw
open tho door, and the look of per
plexity on her deur littlo face gave
way before a gasp of alarm, as her
visitor proved to bo handsome, wealthy
James Orr, tho man she had rojeetod
years before for tho apparently su
perior charms of tho then dazzling
Mr. Morley.
There was nothing to do but to ask
him in, and when ho was seatod boforo
hor miserably meagre fire it was hard
to tell which face wore tho more puz
zled look—hers, why he had come, and
his, how this dainty, lovely woman
managed to subsist in a rented parlor,
where tho carpets didn't reach the
north wall by six iuclies and where
flie one pitiful lamp was gruesomely
pale. _
"It's raining, isn't it?" begun she
desperately, as though sho hadn't just
helped him to deposit his dripping
mackintosh and umbrella in tho hall
without.
"Yes, pretty hard," he ndmittod.
Then it all at once struck him that a
call under such circumstances and at
this unusual timo of the evening might
need explanation, and ho went on:
"You see, I happened to be passing on
my way to tho club and—and I heard
tho other day that you were here—
and—and I thought I'd just stop a
few minutes to seo how you were."
"Thank you," was her only reply.
It was a source of deep shame to this
woman that sho was at. a great lo3s for
something to say, as if she had been a
schoolgirl. Finally his eyes lighted
upon the tiny table, which she in her
haste had forgotten to hide in some
way, and ho said, with a great show of
case:
"Oh, please, Mrs. Morley, make mo
soino tea—it's decidedly chilly out,
you know."
"Who would expect a man of his
wealth to know?" asked poor Mrs.
Morley to herself, as sho set about
her task with trembling fingers. "I'm
afraid the alcohol will give out before
the water is even warmed, and tho
sugar—and tho va'ers—oh, dear!"
and two big tears rose so unex
pectedly that tho fine, blond-bearded
face across from her became all at
once blurred.
Mr. Orr saw tho tears, noted with
quick terror how palely tho little bue
flame burned, a hasty glauco at the
plate before him revealed only three
little wafers, and ho was kind enough
to turn his head away so that she
could slip tho cover over the low sugar
bowl to hide its emptiness.
The bachelor showed remarkable
grace for one of his kind, for he smil
ingly declined her invitation to one of
the three thin wafers with the re
mark :
"I'm not actually hungry, you see.
I dined downtown." (She knew ho
was prevaricating.) "I just wanted
to see you working with your pretty
things."
Mrs. Morley nodded back at him
gratefully, and had half a mind to
confess that these bits of china were
tho lust relics of her old home, and
that she had been wondering a half
hour before ho came how much they
would go towards paying the rent,
which was now two weeks overdue.
But, some way, sho couldn't just briug
herself to it, and ho heroically sipped
at his weak, savorless tea, and didn't
blink an eyelash when sho looked him
fairly in tho face and told him that
sho had finished her evening ineul be
fore he had come in.
AH conversation lagged, Mr. Orr
finally folded his hands over his kube
and lixing his eyes on the fast-dying
lire, said:
"Do you know that I do not like to
call you 'Mrs.' ?"
The little widow's palo cheeks light
ed up with an encouraging glow us
she replied:
"It is ever so much better than to
be 'Miss,' you know. It's vastly bet
ter to be 'MM.' thau 'Miss' at twenty
six. I prefer to be a widow to an old
maid."
Mr. Orr's lips sot a moment in
fierce elFort to keep back his thoughts,
but at last ho answered, bluntly :
"Perhaps so if ouo doesn't mourn
for tho late departed."
A glow, half of shame, half of anger,
flew to her very eyes, but his strong,
steady gaze conquered her, and her
chin began to quiver.
"I seo that you know me," was the
low reply, "ami I am glad of it. I am
not sorry that Mr. Morley is gone.
While he lived I was loyal indeed and
thought, although 1 knew then that
you—that all my friends—pitied me.
Still, I was true to him iu spite of all,
but uow that there is no further use iu
it I will not be hypocrite enough to
pretend that I love his memory. I
think that you will hate me loss to
know that I no longer sham than to
think that I am so blind as to love
such a failure of a man as he. Life is
unbearable iu many ways, but it at
least has tho charm of being no longer
a farce. Pretense is over. Yes, it is
a relief to quit shamming, but I've got
to go to work, you know, and that
isn't very funny."
A sudden light of hope flew into
Orr's sympathetic eyes, and ho asked
eagerly:
"That is an cxcellont idea—a littlo
work will take you out of yourself.
What cau you do?"
"Nothing," was the nervous reply,
as sho held out two empty white
hands. "I'm absolutely useless. I've
tried and tried, and everybody wants
typewriters and stenographers, ami I
can't see a bit of sense in all tho littlo
scratches and clots and things."
"That's true," granted the man,
ambiguously, as tho vision of tho
pretty woman opposite him bending
her dainty head nil day over some
dull-clicking mashino in a smoko-cir
cled downtown oflico rose before him.
"You mustn't think of working among
men, you know."
"But there isn't any demand for
china-painting, and I can't lind any
old lady who wants a companion."
"Butyou embroider?"asked ho, his
tonguo faltering a littlo over tho un
usual words. He had a picture, a far
ofF memory of a brown, girlish head
bent over a big strip of somo gay
cloth, while her full red lips pouted
prettily becatiso the impossible blue
flower would insist ou coming out
wrong.
"A little. I cau't sew, you know ; I
never tried it except to my baby's
clothes, and they weren't well dono,
even when I tried so hard."
lie didn't reply to this. In the first
place ho know that the greatest joy of
her life had been the baby, and her
sharpest grief when the little one hud
died. Besides, ho didn't like to have
her talk of Morley's baby.
"You cnu write beautifully," ho be
gan, as under a new inspiration.
•'But 110 one wantslonir hand now."
"Ob, my dear Mrs.—Mrs. Morley,
there is just where you're mistaken.
I'm in great need of some ono at the
office at this present timo to do—to
do some special correspondence. A
typewriter is so cheerless, cold, don't
you know, and if you'll be so kind—"
She realized perfectly well that all
this was a mere excuse, but a glauco
at the empty teacups settled her.
"Thank you, if I can do it. When
do you need me?"
"To-morrow morning," camo the
eager answer, as his eyes fairly shone
at the success of bis little ruse.
"Bright and early—no, not that, for
you aren't used to early rising. Any
time in tho forenoon will do excellent
ly, and you mustn't dreuru of incon
veniencin - yourself. The work will
be light, I promise you, but as—as
it's so important, it will bo a great
favor to me."
All this time ho had beon getting
into liis coat, as though fearing that a
delay might ruin all his plans. Ho was
now at deceit, and the strain was mak
ing him decidedly irresponsible. Be
sides, he knew that sho wanted to in
dulgo in a good cry, and all the way
up to tho club he was lingering at his
crookedly-buttoned mackintosh, while
his dinner went untastod as ho remem
bered the sad plate of wafers off there
in tho dingy boarding house.
He went to tho office at daybreak
next morning to trump up somo plans
for this mysterious correspondence,
which ho had promised Mrs. Morley
awaited her dainty chirography. Sho
was early too, howovor, and he ground
his teeth in rago as he noted how pale
she was and how frequently she lifted
her white hands to her temples.
"The poor (darling's hungry," he
gasped, as ho noticed that her stop
was a littlo unsteady.
It was only a few minutes past eleven
o'clock, but he couldn't endure it any
longer, so ho said, with a great show
of studied carelessness:
"Won't you do mo tho honor to go
out to luuch with 1110, Mm. Morley?
Yes, I'll grunt it's n littlo early, but I
don't like to be rushed, and I'll have
to get back before one. You know,
Todd, you're going out at one."
Todd, otherwise Mr. Orr's partner,
looked a trifle quizzled, for thore
hadn't been a word said about lunch.
Moreover, the two men generally went
out together, and Orr hastened to ex
plain this away by remarking, as ho
thrust his arm into his topcoat:
"You know, Todd, that mau Smith
may be here at any minute, and one
of us must see him."
Todd nibbled at his pencil to hido a
grin, but fell m immediately at the
mention of this fictitious "mau
Smith" and bravely kept down his
laughter till Orr had tenderly bundled
Mrs. Morley up in her scanty wrap
and had softly closed the door behind
them.
Orr insisted that he always lunched
at tho ladies' tea room, though Mrs.
Morley noticed that ho had to ask a
man which was his floor. It was a
place where she had often come in her
good old days of shopping, and,
without a word, led the way to a fur
ther coruer and set her teeth to keep
back tho tears. Aftewards sho mar
veled how even a woman can give her
self up to the baser occupation of
mere eating, but ho was so glad in
watching her that ho couldu't touch u
morsel. All at once she noticed what
ho was doing and a flush of shame
flow to her faeo. An answeriug, reas
suring smile mot her glance, aud all
barriers of pretence between them
finally went down in au ignoble heap.
"I was F.O hungry," she faltered,
simply.
"I know it," was his low roply. All
tho reserve, the awkwardness of tho
night before had left him, and at last
he was master of tho situation. "You
were hungry last night, too, Ruth,
but you won't bo ever again."
Her eyes fell slowly on her foldod
bauds, lying helplessly in tho cloth
before her, but sho said never a word,
lie went on softly:
"Thoro is no uso in my tolliug you
that I love you. I told you so once,
and you know I havo never changed.
You wouldn't listen then, but the
mistake is all past now," and ho laid
his palm over her two littlo trembling
hands, while she lifted her tear
brimmed eyes to look out on tho gray
scene before her—a tall, bleak wall,
through tho rain-splashed window.
"When will you remedy that mis
take, Ruth? Do not make us suffer
any longer for a past blunder."
She was suddenly conscious of tho
fact that lie had slowly drawn off her
wedding ring, and a gasp of fear broke
from her lips; it hadn't boen removed
since Mr. Morley had placed it there,
one flower-laden Juno night five years
ago. Then the full purport of his words
camo to her, and she was frightened
that ho had let it go so far.
"Don't," she sobbed, trying to re
lease her hands. "This is too noon;
lie has been dead only six months;
why did I not stop you long ago?"
"Because," laughed Mr. Orr, hap
pily, "because youv heart was prompt
ing you until your sense of propriety
came in to spoil it all. Other people
have been considered too long in our
case, and it is to be only you and I iu
the future. Come, when will you put
asido this long black gown, anil—"
The consciousness that 6ho was pow
erless beforo his pleadings overcamo
her, so she merely smiled up in a
tearful roply:
"I can't very weR dispenso with
this gown, you see, and I haven't
been able to afford any moro than
this."
Orr's joy was becoming ridiculous,
for ho leaned nearer towards hor chair
and answered:
"Then I am suro that you'll not
keep me waiting long. A woman's
pride may keep her alive on tasteless
wafers and insipid ten, but even Mrs.
Grundv loses her terror before the
fact of only one decent gown."
Ami evidently Mrs. Morloy agreed
with Uiui. for she nicked uu the old
timo ring and slowly dropped it into
his open hand, as sho said:
"There take it, and keep it, so I
shall never see it again. And you may
bring another one next week."
And tho waiter smiled iu sympathy
as he bore down upon them with tho
linger bowls.
SELECT SITTINGS.
It takes a snail exactly fourteen days
and live hours to travol a mile.
The Russians aro tho most religious
persons on the face of tho globe.
Single stones in tho walls surround
ing Baal bee weigh 3,000,000 pounds
each.
Tho eggs of tho Bahama cuckoo are
held at 8100 per set by dealers in
birds' eggs.
A 222-ounco gold nugget, in tho
shape of a horse shoe, has been discov
ered at Hargraves, Australia.
Vienna, Austria, is to havo an ele
vated railroad with the wheels on top
of the cars, which will hang suspended
from the rails.
Bobbing graves is tho ouly crime
under Chinese law for which the thief
may be justly killed on tho spot by
any one finding him out.
There is a miniature Indian corn
grown iu Brazil. The oars aro not
larger than a littlo finger, aud the
grains are the size of mustard seeds.
To prevent lamp chimneys from
cracking put them into a kettle of
cold water, gradually heat it tiil it
boils, and then let it us gradually
cool.
In 931 a drought began in Europe
lasting four years. Tho summers were
intensely hot and tho famiao prevailed
everywhere; 3,000,030 people died
of hunger.
lii Napoleon's early wars ono out of
each twenty-eight was killed, aud in
the early British coutlicts as high an
average as one death to each ninctoen
engaged is rejmrtod.
A man in Melbourne, Australia, has
a trained kangaroo. Ho makes it
jump long distauces by prodding it
with a red-hot poker. Its longest
jump is thirty-four feet seven inches.
Allen W. Wluttington, of Wilkes
County, North Carolina, is the oldest
magistrate in tho State. He is now
over ninety-four years of age, and
lately married Miss Mariah Vanuoy,
aged forty-one years.
A great sensation has boon caused
in Austria by tho imprisonment of a
fourteen-year-old boy on tho charge
of high treason. Ho was tried in
secret and condemned to hard labor
in prison for two months.
In tho year 1803 a perfect shower
of stones fell in tho farming country
adjacent to L'Aigle, France—upward
of 3000 separate stones falling upon a
wedge-shaped section of country eight
miles long by about four miles wide.
The battle of Gettysburg resulted
in the greatest loss of life of any bat
tle of tho Civil War. There were 3070
Federal troops killed, 14,497 wound
ed aud 5150 missing. Tho Confed
erate loss was 2392 killed, 12,700
wounded and 5150 missing.
The Deer el Scot lan J.
Of the four-footed gameiu Scotland
the largest are tho deer. Tho roebuck
is the only member of tho family iu a
truly wild condition. His small size,
nimbleuess, aud ungregarious habits
enable him to wauder from ouo place
to another with a measure of impu
nity. In wooded valleys aud within
reach of the hills he soems to be well
able to look after himself. He abounds
in the northern counties—iu Perth
shire, the highland districts of Aber
deenshire and Forfarshire, and is
thinly scattered over thoceutral valley.
The red deer, or stag, has by no
means tho same claim to bo regarded
as a wild animal as in the days when
the Common King made his memorable
excursion through the Trossaclis. Ho
is now cooped up in savage fastnesses,
with mountain fcncos 3000 feot high,
behind whioli ho ouly wanders in au
exceptionally hard winter. The
"forests" with which I am acquainted
would neither maintain a crofter nor
even reimburse a shoop farmer, and
are simply incapable of being put to
any other URO.
In the middle of tho day the deer
are seldom to bo seen, except by a
practiced eye, as they aro thou at rest
aud lying quietly among the rough
heath, or it may be in the shadow oj
some birch copse. In the early morn
ing or on tho approach of evening
they feed downward toward the grassy
sides of the rivers and burns. Their
scent is sharper thau their sight. They
detect tho intruding botanist or geolo
gist long before they see him, and, by
their actions, apprise tho keeper that
a tresspasser is at hand. The fallow
deer is still further from the true feral
condition, and can only bo regarded
as an animal, kept to give picturesque
ness to the park around tho mansiou.
His grass is provided aud his water is
sure.—The Gentleman's Magazine.
Consume the Smoke an:l Save the Fuel.
Homer T. Yaryau, proprietor of tho
local hot water and electric plant at
Toledo, has demonstrated, says tho
Manufacturing Gazette, that not only
can smoke be suppressed, but a saving
of twenty per cent, on fuel bills can
bo effected. This is accomplished by
feeding the firo from underneath in
stead of from tho top, as lias been tho
custom ever since cwal became a fuel.
A mechanical stoker introduces a uni
form quantity of fuel at regular inter
vals under the boiler, and the com
bustion thoroughly consumes all the
gases and smoke from tho green coal
as it passes through the bod of incan
deHeout coke above it. The coal with
which lie fires his boilers is tho poorest
kind of Hocking valley slack, and is
obtained for the froight and the nomi
nal charge of ten cents per ton for
loading at the mines.—Atluutu Con
stitution.
THE ME lilt ¥ SIDE;OF?LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Liked Tlicm Well Grown—Onto
Jack—Saved Again—An All-Suf
ficient Reason, Ktc., Etc.
Tho Mamma—"At what age do*you
consider children most interesting?"
Tho Bacholor Friend— "Anyftirno
after thirty."—Judge.
SAVED AGAIN.
Teacher —"JohnDy Greon, point out
Africa on tho map."
John—"Please, ma'am, it/nin't po
lite to point."—Truth.
THE PRACTICAL SIDE OF IT.
"You havon't read Brown's last
ode, have you?"
"I think I have. It seems to mo he
last owed me $lB." —Detroit Tribune.
THE BEST TIME.
' Nodd—"My babyllooks lovely when
he is asleep. You ought to see him."
Tpdd—"When shall I call?"
Nodd—"Anytimo during the day."
—Life.
RESENTED THE IMPUTATION.
Callor—"Wonder if I can seo your
mother, littlo boy? Is sho engorged?"
Little Boy—"Engaged? Wkntcher
givin' us? She's married."—= Boston
Transcript.
OF PRACTICAL BENEFIT.
"What has become of Brown? Tho
last timo I saw him ho had water on
tho brain."
"Ho's the head of a reservoir com
pany now." —Judge.
ONTO JACK.
Dolly Swift—"The price-mark on
Jack's birthday gift is quite v>iai*u—
sl7.so."
Sally Gay—"H'm ! I wonder what
it really cost?"— Puck.
HIS WIFE COOKED.
"Doctor says a little hard work
would be just tho thing for mo now."
Mr. Nucook—"Come roiuid and
take a few meals with ine, old.fellow."
—Chicago Inter-Ocean.
HAD REASON.
"Thero goes a man that really and
truly loves tho game of football."
"Is ho the Captain of the—"
"Great Scott, no! hefs a druggist.'*
—Chicago Inter-Ocean.
AN ALL-SUFFICIENT REASON.
Fond Parent —"Bobby, why will
you always persist in pushing in tho
eyes of your littlo sister's dolls?"
Bobby (conclusively)—" Because I
can't pick 'em out."—Truth.
THE QUICK AND THE DEAD.
Bob's Widow—"Do you dare to sit
there and tell me you consider your
self a better man than poor, dear
Bob?"
Her Brother "Of courso I do, for
he's dead."—Judge.
A REASON.
Johnny—"l don't seo how lhat i
young chicken can bo so comfort
able."
Hired Man—"Why not?"
Johnny—"Why, because it is sit
ting on its pin-feathers."—Puck.
INCREDIBLE.
Mr. Homcman—"Did you read that j
article about a football playor getting
shot the other day?"
Mrs. Homeman—"No, John; but,
goodness me, you don't mean to say
the game has ooine to that'.*'—Boston
News.
SHE COUNTERS,
no—"I wonder when you will be
able to set as good a ta'olo us my
mothor ?"
She—"By tho timo are able to
provide as good a table as your father
does, my dear."—Burlington (IOWM)
Gazette.
BASHFUL BACHELOR AND HELPFUL MAID.
Bashful Bachelor, nervous aud fid
gety, trying to remember a speech ho
had been rehearsing for an hour pre
viously.
Helpful Maid, anxious and expec
tant.
B. B. "My dearest, I—l have long
wished to tell you that I am full—L
mean my heart is full —my palpitating
heart—l—l mean your smiles—dour
est, would shed—would shed—
H. M. "Perhaps, dear, we could livo
in a fiat at first, and then wo should
not need a woodshed."
(Tho all important date was fixed
within five minutes.) —Truth.
SHEER FORCE OF HABIT.
"Does the razor hurt you?"
No reply.
"Is the draught too strong?"
"No reply.
"Shall I shut the door?"
No reply.
"Awful firo last night 1"
No roply.
"Shave you pretty close?"
No reply.
"Getting very chilly nowP
No roply.
"That was a very heavy thunder
storm last night!"
Fo reply.
"Shampoo?"
No reply.
"Trim your hair up a little?"
No reply.
"Brilliantine on the moustache?"
No reply.
"Bay rum?"
No reply.
Then the barber, who was alone in
his shop, sat down greatly refreshed.
He had been shaving himself. —Til-
Bits.
Ribbon, 83 a yard, goes on whito
baskots that cost sl.
Light changeable silks have a frost
ed eiFect for tho triumphant blouse.
Alsatian bow effects in short plumes
aro among tho novelty hat trimmings.
New artificial flowers for house dec
oration will almost deceivo the florist.
A generous sign of tho times is in
crease in size of wedding cako boxes.
"Brownie" toques aro shown for
children, and are immensely popular.
Chinchilla capes aro among tho most
elegant garments of tho winter sea
son.
Many grotesque stylos raasquorado
thoso days as alleged colonial fash
ions.
Bangles coming back aro a poriod
of what can bo callod prolonged neg
lect.
Purses for women made of tho now
highly fashionable chinchilla fur aro
oew.
New piano covers aro of scarlet
plush, beautifully embroidered in
gold.
Largo round yoko collars of laco
have the pattern outlined with a silk
cord.
Ddnlers say tho pointed shoos have
reached tho limit, and will now do
cline.
Largo, stout women woaring tho
Bmall derby inako even tho melancholy
smile.
Dull bluo and French gray station
ery is having a run equal to a through
train.
Tight lacing, and not dyspepsia, is
what makes so many disagreeable "so
ciety women."
An ininsto of an old ladies' homo in
Bath. Me., has put 1 4,905,60.3 stitches
into a crazy quit not yet finished.
Mrs. Hetty Green, of New York,
though possessed of many millions, es
capes with an assessment upon SIO,OOO.
Lady Carlislo is training a staff of
women to take charge of her estato in
Yorkshire, England, in place of men.
Queen Margaret, of Italy, is to ro
ceive a costly gift. Tho Yoloco Club,
of Milan, has decided to give her u
golden bicycle.
Tho wife of Representative Blair, of
New Hampshire, is about to publish e
novel of New England life. Tho book
is to be entitled "Liabeth Wilson."
Miss Dr. Jennie Taylor, niece of
Bishop Taylor, of Africa, and physi
cian in his mission work, recently
walked 500 miles inland, and was not
sick a minute at any time.
Tho Dowager Czarina is Grand Mis
tress of tho Ladies' Older of St. Cath
arine, founded by Peter tho Great.
Tho badge of tho Order is the first fe
male decoration in Europe. *
There is a society in China callod
tho "Heavenly Foot Society," tho
members of which are pledged not to
marry any woman whoso foot has been
cramped of its natural growth.
It is strange that wo always think
of Anna Katharine Green as a writer
of detective stories when, in reality,
only Hvo of her fifteen published
books belong to that class of fiction.
Mrs. Bradley-Martin's titled daugh
ter is known in English society as
"little Lady Craven," because of her
diminutive size, youth and childish
manners, which have fascinated tho
nobility.
Mrs. Langtry, tho professions!
beauty, is said to attribute tho per
fect health she is now enjoying to her
long walks, regardless of weather.
A tramp of ten miles is nothing un
usual for her.
Queen Victoria received throe prizes
at tho Smithfleld cattle show and the
Prince of Wales captured two. Brit
ish royalty either raises lino cattlo or
has a strong "pull" with the judges at
tho prize exhibitions.
Mrs. L. A. Starkwoather, of Kan- *
sasCity, Mo., one of the first women
solicitors ol life insurance, says she
finds no difficulty in inducing women
to insure. In one month she wrote
$211,000 on tho lives of women.
It is said that Lord Boaoonsfield's
most successful compliment to tho
Queen was: "Authors, mvdame, like
your Majesty and myself." She
thinks that she is an author, and takes
great pride in tho book which she has
written.
Through tho zealous efforts of Mine.
Henri Schmal, editor of tho organ of
tho Frouch New Woman, a bill has
been approved by a committee of tho
French Chamber giving women full
control over the product of their per
sonal industry.
Mile. Louise Nikita, who is an
American girl, and n descendant of
Daniel Boone, has made tho great op
eratic success of tho season in Paris as
Mignou. The composer of the opera
says that she is the ouly artist that i
ever sung and acted it to his entire
satisfaction.
When tho late Dr. McCosh first
enmo to Princeton his daughters some
what astonished gallant undergradu
ates who took the young ladies out to
walk. It was no mere easy jaunt of a
inllo or so that tho President's daugh
ters wished, but a tramp of a dozen
miles at a good round pace that tested
tho powers of their escorts.
Lady Henry Somerset knows verv
little about the luxury of rest. She
is an indefatigable worker. In every
good cause she is interested, and her
interest means practical help. Dur
ing the last year slio held 115 meet
ings and twenty-seven conferences.
She traveled over 8)09 miles and
spoke iu twenty counties to about
200,000 people.