FREELAND TRIBUNE.
PUBLISHED KVEHY
MONDAY AND THURSDAY.
TLIOS. A. BUCKLEY,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
OFFICE: MAIN STREET AROVK CENTR*.
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he made In the manner provided by law.
London payß forty-two per cent, of
tho income tax of England and Wales.
Tho region below Fourteenth street
and East of Broadway, New York City,
is the most densely populated in the
world.
Tho New York Commercial Adver
tiser maintains that even those with
defective sight can see "business is
improving."
New contracts for food stuffs and
fodder lmve enabled General Mercier
to save $850,000 on the Frcncli war
estimates. Tho greater part of the
money saved is to be used in increas
ing tho army.
Tho production of pig iron is looked
upon as a good indication of the state
of bnsiness, and the New York Inde
pendent is pleased to notice a steady
increase in the number of furnaces in
blast and capacity.
When Americans boast of their an
cestors coming over in the Mayflower,
tho Chicago Herald suggests, they
should give a thought to Swami Vivo
kauada, the Brahmiu high priest, who
can trace his family records back for
more than twenty centuries.
In opening a public library the
other day tho Lord Chancellor of
England said that, although seventy
five per cent, might read fiction, it
was worth while establishing the in
stitution for twenty-five per cent, of
thoughtful readers, while the moderate
reading of fiction was by no means an
evil.
Lieutenant Edward Briuloy, who
had charge of tho pneumatic dyua
mite gun on board tho Nictheroy from
the time of that vessel's commission
in tho Brazilian Navy, has reached
the conclusion that the range of dy
namite guns is too sm ill an l their ac
curacy too poor to render them
serviceable on board ship. Tho trials
of tho Vesuvius in the American Navy
seems to teach the same lesson aud to
prove that tho proper place for this
class of ordnanco is on shoro rather
than afloat.
Tho army surgeon at Governor's Is
land, in New York Harbor, has just
made an elaborate report on alcohol
ism in the army. He declares that
drinking is on the increase and ho
gives two posts where the disability
from alcohol amounts to a trifle more
than 100 cases per thousand. He
makes, to the Sau Francisco Chron
icle, the wiso suggestion that the pay
f.nd allowance of those who lose time
from drink be reduced. Tho rigid
enforcement of such a rule would go
far to make drunkenness too co3tly to
indulge in regularly.
Tho handling of balloons has be
come part of the regular training of
tho German soldier, and a captive bal
loon kept always in readiness for mili
tury work is now a familiar feature of
a German cam}). A new arrangement
of the electric light is now boing tried.
From the captive balloon is suspended
an electric are lamp of some SGOO
- power. As soon as night be
gins to fall the current carried by an
insulatod wire, is turned on, an.l the
light is reflected downward. Iu this
way a large open space is illuminated
without lump-posts, an 1 tho evolu
tions of a body of troops can take place
without impe limcnt l>" night.
NuIII lent Excuse.
An exchange remarks of John Qulncy
Adams, recently deceased, that he was
very fond of fishing, and not especially
fond of his legal profession.
One day a case la which ho was coun
sel was down for trial in a Boston
court. Mr. Adams dhl not make his ap
pearance, but sent a letter to tho Judge.
That worthy gentleman read It, and
then postponed the case with the an
nouncement:
"Mr. Adams is detained on important
business."
The note road as follows:
"Dear Judge: For the sake of old
Isnak Walton, please continue my case
until Friday. The smelts arc biting,
and I can't leave."
A Song: of Life,
no that olingoth unto lifo
For the fond lips of a wife,
Hath, I know, great joy to live;
Earth hath nothing more to give—
Of all gifts that heavons confer,
Sweeter than the love of her.
Ho that is to lifo beguiled
IJy the clinging of a child,
Hath, I know, gre.it store of graco
And with love a dwelling place.
For all heaven hath droauiod and smilod
In the sweet face of a child.
He that unto life is drawn
When the dark hath drowned the dawn;
When no wife's lips sigh or sing—
When no child arms clasp and cling
Still hath hopo, for in the night
Cometh dreams and gleams of light!
8), though love bo lost to theo,
Life, though lonely, sweet inay bo.
Can'st thou take, when sore opprest,
Other's burdens to thy breust;
Love unto the love esi give?
Thousluilt bless thyself and live!
— Fhank L. Stanton.
UNCLE GILLET'S MONEY.
There were three Miss Gillets, spin
sters, who lived with their uticlo, a
bachelor, in the old stone house at
Atwater, and in pointing them out to
strangers the Atwuterites were accus
tomed to remark upon the fact that it
was love of money with them, and
that a Miss Gillet who married would
cease to be her uncle's heiress.
When his brother and his wife died
in one week of a fever, tho bachelor
uncle had done his best for tho young
pcoplo. He educated them aud allow
ed them a few female friends.
But as they grew up one law was
maintained with inviolable rigidity.
There was to bo no courting and no
marrying beneath his roof.
They were pretty girls—tall, Blon
der, red-cheeked aud blue eyed—girls
to be loved and married by nature:
but thero was Uncle Gillet's money.
So they grew up and grew older, still
single, and not ono of them had ever
had u thought of marriage in all her
life.
It was a well understood matter in
tho village, as well as in the family,
that, marrying, a Miss Gillet lost her
inheritance. Dr. Rush had heard it,
and believed it to be true, when Uuclo
Gillet, having a touch of rheumatism,
sent for him.
He had always thought tho tlireo
slender girls tho prettiest things ho
had over seen, but when ho stood faeo
to face with Dolly, he fell in love with
her. lie looked alter her as she went
out of the room, and Undo Gillet
looked at him sharply.
"My nieco is a pretty girl," he said.
"I soo you think so. She's a sensible
girl, too. They aro all sensible girls:
they prefer a single life and indepen
dence to tho miseries of marriage."
"By your advice, I believe," said
tho doctor.
"It's a miserable muddle altogether,
this marriage," said Uuclo Gillet;
"don't talk about it any more."
Dr. Rush did not at that time, but
about dusk next evening Dolly, cross
ing tho bridge just out of Atwater,
paused to look down into tho water,
and then and thero someone came be
hind her and said:
"Miss Gillett"
She turned with a start. It was Dr.
Rush.
"I have just left tho good uncle; ho
is better. He will be well in a day or
two. 11c has a strong constitution
aud is a man to live to be a hundred
years old."
"Then I shall bo able to walk out
occ sioually, now."
"But you'll tako a walk over
the bridge tomorrow?" said the doc
tor.
Well, porhaps so," said Dolly.
And so she did. She took a great
many; aud at lust one day Dr. Rush
was allowed to slip a ring upon her
linger and to kiss her lips.
"1 shan't havo a penny,"said Dolly.
"You are suro you don't mind?"
"All the pounies wo want I can
earn myself," said tho doctor. "Aud
you must marry mo in a mouth.
Promise, Dolly."
Dolly promisod.
Georgiana and Milly sat at work to
gether that evening while Uuclo Gil
let rend.
Dolly was not sowing. Sho hold
tho work, it is true, but her hand
never moved toward tho needle. Sho
•lid not hear a word that was uttered;
but when at last thero ciiiuu a pause
sho dropped tho muslin and started to
her feet
"If you please, unclo," sho said,
"there's something I must tell. I can't
keep it secret any longer. I'm goiug
to marry Dr. Rush."
Georgiana and Millicout screamed
in chorus.
"You aro, oh?" said Unclo Gillet.
"Yes, sir," suid Dolly.
"And ho knows my opinions?"
"Of course," said Dolly. "Ho
knows that except tho two or threo
hundred dollars I liavo for olothos I'll
never have a penny."
"Then make fools of yoursolves if
you like," said Uncle Gillet,
"You'll come to tho wedding, won't
you?" asked Dolly.
"No; but I'll lot your sisters go,"
suid Uncle Gillet. "I never go to
weddings or executions."
Dolly married her Richard Rush.
Goorgiana and Milliccnt wept, as cus
tom required, nud spoke of their sis
ter ns "poor Dolly."
Dr. Rush trudged over tho low
country in all weathers and at all
hours; and so one night some ruffian,
who did not know how empty his wul
let was, attacked him in a lonely j)laco
and left him for dead.
A farmor going homo early carried
him homo in his wagon, and ho was
cared for as well as might be; but a
broken leg and dislocated shoulder
aro 110 light matters, and Dolly hardly
knew what to do or where to turn.
She was only suro of one thing, her
love for Richard, which grew groater
with every trial. For the sako of this
she put her pride down, and, leaving
the servant with her husband one day,
trudged over to her uuclo's house.
She paused within sight of tho
house, hardly daring to go on, and, as
she did so tho door opened and a ser
vant came out, who stopped for a mo
ment and re-entered, and as sho closed
tho door a black streamlet ilauuted in
the air. There was crape on the door.
Faint with terror Dolly hurried on.
In tho hall her sisters, who hud seen
her coming, hastened to meet her.
Uncle Gillet was dead. Ho had ex
pired suddenly at tho dinner table and
tho ladies were overcome with grief
and excitement
Dolly went into tho still room and
wept over tho quiet figuro lying there ;
and went home again with her dole of
wine and jelly and a few dollars.
Sho went to tho funeral, Georgiana,
sending lief* the black dress. And as
sho sat in tho parlor afterward nwnit
ing tho reading of the will, her
thoughts wandered back into the past,
and tho monotonous rendering of tho
saids and aforosaids made no impres
sion upon her until her own nnmo
caught her car. Then she looked up.
Milliccnt and Georgiana were both
staring hard at her.
"What is it?" sho asked. "I did
not hear."
Milliccnt had covered her face with
her kerchief and was crying. Georgi
ana had Hushed red as a peouy.
"It moans that we have been slaves
nil these years for nothing," she said.
"You uro the heiress."—Boston
Globe.
An Avalanche in Maine.
When nature does anything in tho
vast northern Maine wilderness, she
does it on a grand scale, and now
comes nows of a landslide there, com
pared with which the famous avalanclio
of tho Crawford notch was but child's
play. Ono evening not long ago, dur
ing one of the heavy thunder showers,
lightning struck the summit of Mt
Baker. Mr. Bandall who lives alone
in his camj) about live miles from tho
mountain, heard amid tho crashes of
thunder a long-drawn roaring uuliku
anything ho had heard before. It
startled him so as to drive sleep from
him during tho night and in the morn
ing he started out to find whence tho
sound came. One glance at tho Baker
mountain solved tho mystery. Thou
sands of tons of rocks, loosened pro
bably by tho lightning shock, had
ploughed a trough an eighth of a mile
wide from summit to base of the peak.
For several miles tho enormous trees
had been swept bo Tore the avalanche and
buried under twonty-livo feet of gravel.
Tho news reoched tho lower settle
ments a day or two later, being borne
by the thick muddy water that changed
tho character of Lyford Ponds, Silver
lake and Pleasant river. An expedi
tion startod northward to learn the
j cause of this mud, and heard tho
I whole story at Randall's camp.—Lcw
i.-iton (Me.,) Journal.
Moccasins,
Tho wearing of moccasins is so
common in tho rural districts of Maine
and New Brunswick that white shoe
makers And it profitable to manufac
ture them wholesale, although tho In
dians are still reputed to make tho
best. Tho truo moccasin is a light,
thin foot covering of deerskin; but
what is called a "shupnek," and is
perhaps even more in use, is a mocca
sin with an extra thickness of leather
under tho sole, and it comes a little
higher on tho ankle. The lumber
men wear "larrigans," which are
made sometimes of doer hide and
sometimes of moose leather, thick,
strong, stiff, and oiled until they are
as yellow as bar soap. They are
shaped like boots, with heavy soles,
and roach half way to tho knee. New
York Bun.
Taking Him Down.
I A good story in told by the London
World of a purse-proud old nobleman
who was traveling through the rural
districts of Sweden. Iu that country
evidently the people do not have quite
as much respect for titled aristocracy
as in some other localities on the Con
tinent.
| One day tho nobleman came rolling
up to a country tavern, and ns ho
stopped liis carriage he called out in an
imperious tone:
"Horses, landlord—horses at once."
"I am very much pnined to inform
you that you will have to wait over an
hour beforo fresh horses can bo
brought up," replied tho landlord,
calmly.
"How!" violently cxclaimod the
nobleman. "This to mo! My man, I
demand horses immediately."
Then observing tho fresh, slcek
looking ones being led up to another
carriage, he continued:
"For whom are those horses?'
"They are ordered for this gontlo
man," replied tho landlord, pointing
to a tall, slim individual a few paces
distant.
"I say, my man," called out the
nobleman, "will you let me have those
horses if I pay ycu a libcrul bonus?"
"No," answered tho slim man; "I
intend to uso them myself."
"Perhaps you are not uwuro who 1
am," roared tho now thoroughly agi
tated and irate nobleman. "I am, sir,
Field Murslial Baron Georgo Spnrre,
the last and ouly one of ray race."
"I am very glad to hear that," said
the slim man, stopping into tho car
raige. "It would be a terriblo thing
to think that there might bo more of
you coming. lam inclined to think
that yourraco will be a foot race."
The slim man was tho King of
Sweden.
The Cormorant at Work.
Those who watch tho cormorant's
diving feats are usually so iutorestcd
in tho fortunes of tho chase, as tho
handsome bird dashes after tho fish,
that not one visitor in twenty observes
that, from the inodo of its entering
tho water to its exit, its methods of
movement aro absolutely different to
those of tho penguins. Tho cormo
rant does not plunge headlong. It
launches itself on tho surface, aud
then "ducks" like a grodc.
Its wings are not used as propellers,
but trail unresistingly level with its
body, and the speed at which it
courses through tho water is wholly
duo to tho swimming powers of its
largo and ugly webbed feet. Thoso
are ot on quito at the cud of tho body,
aud work incessantly like a treadle, or
the floats of a stern wheel steamer.
Yet the conditions of submarine mo
tion are so favorablo that tho speed of
the bird bolow tho surface is throe or
four times greater than that gained by
equal rapid movements of tho foot
when it has risen aud is swimming on
the top.
The luster of tho feathers in tho
clear water, tho cloud of brilliant
bubbles which pour from the plumago,
like the nebulous traiu of a comet, as
the bird rushes through the water,
and the sapphire light of the largo
blue eye make tho cormorant's fishing
one of the prettiest aquatic exercises
I iu the world.—Spectator.
Croup and Diphtheria.
While smallpox has been brought
within comparative control by vacci
nation there aro other deadly discasos
ovor which, until within recent times,
the science of medicine has been un
able to exert any check. Among theso
aro croup and diphtheria.
A number of European scientists
have been devoting their time to study
of these diseases, as Pasteur, Koch and
others have done in tho field of bucte
riology, working with more specific
aim in different directions. Tho mor
tality among children from diphtheria
especially is so high, often keeping
up a pace of twenty-five per cent, that
any preventive of so frightful a plague
is hailed with eagerness. While it is
not true that medical science yot
claims infallibility for croup or diph
theria preventives, it is known by ac
tual rosults that they are effectual to
a largo degree; it is only tho dura
bility of the protection they afford that
is in doubt uud thut time alone can
settle.
'I ho council will be asked to author
ize tho health department of Chicago
to Bend to Berlin for supplies of tho
diphtheria remedy. Tho resolutions
should include authority to send to
Paris for tho croup remedy.—Chicago
Herald.
Pleasing, hut Ineffective.
Husband —You oro crowned with
beauty, dear.
Wife—That's all right, Charlie, but
I've g.t to have a new wiuter bonnet
just the same. —Detroit Free Press.
LADIES' DEPARTMENT.
RELIABLE WOMEN.
It is snid that the 300 or 400 wom
en apothecaries in the United States
aro more reliable than men, and of all
tho women employed as cashiers thero
is only a or so of mystorious dis
appeuronce toward China.—New York
Journal.
WEALTH OP AMERICAN WOMEN.
It has been estimated that of tho
$1,300,000,000 of property held in
New York $300,000,000 is in the hauds
of women, but this is certainly well
within the real facts, since the women
of Boston pay taxes on $120,000,000,
Even so, however, this would make at
tho present rate of estimato over SOOO,-
000,000 of property iu New York
Stato owned by women.—Woman's
Journal.
A NEW WOMAN'S COSTUME.
A roforin which was neither a divid
ed nor an abbreviated skirt was worn
by its designor at a recent meeting of
the Woman's Christian Temperance
Union. It was made of a durk shade
of navy blue velvet and consisted of a
long-tailed coat and knickerbockers
to tho knees, where they were mot by
loggings. Mrs. Sloan, who wore tho
reformed dress, admitted that she
wouldn't caro to wear it on the street,
but added that ho would bo quite will
ing to do so if accompanied by sev
eral others similarly garbed.—Phila
delphia Record.
QUEEN VICTORIA'S BIIAM RUBIES.
Real rubies aro scarce. Most of tho
stones in uso are shams. Even tho
Queen of England cherished a pair of
imitations. They were, after groat
trouble and lurgo expense, exhibited
in tho London Exposition of 18G2 and
proved to bo merely spinels. When a
customer goes to a reliable dealor, ho
is asked : "How much are you willing
to pay?" Thero is one ruby in a New
York shop. It spends most of its
beauty in tho safe. Anybody with
SB,OOO call have it. Rubies are full of
sentiment. It is tho supposition that
they givo the wearer health and a
happy frame of mind. Rubies are
among tho delights of King Solomon.
Lapidaries say that ho got hold of all
the lino stones, and since his day tho
supply lias steadily diminished. —St.
Louis Star Sayings.
TIIE WOMEN ARE MAD.
Tho women of Russia havo a griev
ance against tho government, and it is
stated that, small as it is, it may load
to serious results. Not long ago a
St. Petersburg journal reported a fes
tival, at which members of tho im
perial family were prosout. Tho re
porter evidently understood little
about women's fancies, and mado tho
dress of tho czarina, by his descrip
tion, one long out of fashion. Tho
result was a ukase from the censor of
the press—one of tho most powerful
men iu Russia—that Russian news
papers iu the future must refrain from
describing, or attempting to describe,
the dresses of her majesty. This nat
urally deprives the Russian women of
an interesting subject for discussion
and criticism, and they aro extremely
angry at the cousor.—New Orleans
Picayune.
GLOVES FOR RAZOR STROI\S.
"Did you ever wonder what becomes
of all the long party gloves that girls
ndoro and spend small fortunes for?"
asked tho girl who occasionally knows
a thing or two.
"Powder rags, of course,"
tho moody girl.
"Nothing of tho sort. That shows
you don't keep up with tho fin do
sieclo procession," said the first speak
er. "You waut to givo them to your
best young man for razor strops.
Tho idea is just perfectly lovely.
"When tho blessed angel wants to
sharpen his razor ho fastous tho top of
tho glove to a hook on his dresser,
takes tho frayed out fingers in his loft
hand and sharpens away. And all
this time ho is thinking of various in
cidents that happened when a doar
little hand was insido that glove, and
glove and hand were both sandwiched
in between his two hands and was say
ing sweet things and she was trying to
dig a hole iu tho floor with tho too of
her satiu slipper, and, oh! I think
it's all just too doar, and I'm going to
send all my white gloves off to Oharloy
right away,"
Tho moody girl looked disgusted.
She said: "Well, I'm glad I don't
keep up with your Tin do Bieclo pro
cession.' I don't believo that a man
would tiso a glove for a razor strop
any more than ho ever uses those silly
necktie cases that you girls make out
of silk and ribbons and things."
Tho moody girl's ill nature is easily
explained. She's been trying to
match a piece of silk that she bought
last October at a clcuring-out sale.
She also bus a friend who insists
upon making sketches of her and de
claring that they are perfect likenesses.
—Chicago Times.
ENTERPRISINO BUSINESS WOMEN.
Mrs. Donnelly is an interesting and
practical Irishwoman in Sixth avenue,
who owns and sccessfully conducts a
small industry. Sho manufactures
tho uppers for ladies' shoes. The sign
"Ladies Shoe Fitter," might be some
what misleading, but such is tho
proper title for her chosen trade.
In a largo square room,well lightod
and ventilated, I found her with sev
eral female assistants classifying the
finished work for the factory to which
each parcel belongod.
Many of tho factories havo tho sev
eral departments in operation where
shoes are mado complete, others send
J the uppers to like establishments,
mostly run by men. Shoes built upon
this installment plan furnish another
avenue of resource for women.
Tho evolution shirtmaking has un
dergone since tho time of our grand
mothers is strikingly exemplified by a
visit to a factory in East Houston
street, owned by Francis Back. Sho
is a pionoer of the businsso, aud it bo
ing tho thirty-fifth anniversary of
what is now a great enterprise.
Sho told mo she never employs men
if femalo help can be obtained. At
presont tho regular hands are on a
strike, find sho has as substitute work
ers representatives of every national
ity, but with much emphasis, in her
Gorman patois, sho said, "Gif medem
Jarman and dem 'Nglish girls, but
take away from me dem Bushings,
dey strike if you look at dem, dey
strike if you don't look at dem, and
don I sees trouble."
FASHION NOTES.
Dainty ties of light colors in crepe,
silk, lawn, etc.
Removable vests are mado of plain,
striped and changeable silk.
Colored satius printed with Oriental
designs are suitable for blouses.
Black and Vandyke trimmings of
steel and steel and jet arc popular.
Jackets of livery cloth have a short,
full capo opened both buck and front.
Dainty capos, hats and muffs of
velvet, fur, luce aud ribbon, are worn
en suite-
Long Angora mousquetairo glovos
are worn over evening glovos in place
of using a muff
Long Vandykes of jet are suitable
for trimming sleeves from the should
ers to tho elbows.
Large collarettes of white net, top
guipuro laco, have over points of jot
bonds and spaugles.
Cherry-colored cloth capes aro
trimmed with white Angora fleeco aud
colluretto of white cloth.
Short black velvet jnckots are
trimmed with jet, a rucho and collar
ctto of black ostrich tips.
Many full capes of tan livery cloth
arc simply made of fino goods, having
a turn-over velvot collar.
Evening waists show a Frenchy
mixture of Nilo green velvet, cream
guipuro laco and pink chiffon.
Fashions in dress of Colonial times
make more and inoro progress. Tho
styles best becomo pretty women.
Girls' cloaks of light-colored ladies'
cloth, are trimmed with a velvet col
larette and edging of orraine tails.
Black houso tics and slippers aro
dcoorated with rosettes or bows of
cherry or blue chiffon or ribbon.
Children's wide felt hats are trimmed
with wings, bows and long strings to
tie under the chin of satin ribbon.
Elbow-longth capes of black velvet,
have a jot collar and yoke and long
"stole" ends in front covered with jot.
Tiny bonnets are fashioned of steel
embroidery, ditto wings and pins,
with largo bow and narrow ties of
colored velvet
"Wedding dresses to hire" obviates
a difficulty for the matrimoually in
clined. Au enterprising woman has
hit upon tho happy idoa. From a
small beginning, where two dresses
were her stock in trade, slio is now
possessed of two dozen. This unique
calling has provou a profitable pur
suit, and suroly such originality de
serves success.—New York Herald.
Just now all hands aro buisily engaged
with flannel shirts. A haberdashery,
where aro kept all men's belongings,
with gayest huod necktios and vividly
colored underwear on display, has for
its owner Louise Corliu-Ronner, a
woman of somo tasto and appareut
ability to mako the most of her wares.
This neat and rather attractive littlo
storo is one heterogenous mass of col
oring, not obtrusiv •, but is like nn
oasis in tho desert among tho shops
of tho east sido. This is another in
vasion of self-supporting woman.
Cnly.
Only a baby's features, tiny, dimpled and fair,
Only a mothor'a soft voice, saying an evening
prayer.
Only a dying infant,innocent, pure and fond,
Call'd from this land of nowhere, far oil to
tho groat beyond.
Only an angol's whispor, out of tho vast
above,
Only a touching refrain, mystic of love.
Only a patch that glitters, leading into the
skies,
Only a valued memory of two little absent
eyes.
WM. D. HALL, in Bunboam.
HUMOROUS.
Good placo to settle—Tho place
where you owe money.
Success in business is pnvod by tho
typesetter and made smooth by the
printing-press.
Polite old gentUman—Ah, whom
havo I the honor of addressing? Pat
(very much puzzlod)—Shure who • lso
but me, sor?
South Sea Islands Housewife—Tho
new missionary looks dreadfully sour.
Her Husband—Well, he'll do for can
ning, anyway.
She —"Isn't it cruel to kill birds to
trim a bat?" lie—"Very cruel in
deed?" Sho—"Don't buy mo a hat
buy mo a soalskin coat."
In Autumn's chill no song is hoarse
No feathered songstor's note is di.t*
And there's tho difference, lucky bird,
'Twixt very many men nud you.
Magistrate— And did they ever find
any clow to that murder mystery?
Officer—Yes sir, they've found tho
body of tho murdered man.
Mr. Softleigh—Now, really, how
loug do you thiuk you could love a
man? Miss Fiekel Oh, anywhero
between five feet eight and six foot.
Johnny (to his sister) —Emma, if
you give mo a bit of your cake I'll
spoil tho piano so that you won't bo
ablo to take a lesson for a fortnight*
A society belle was told that her
finnco was a foolish fellow. "I guess
he is," sho admitted. "It seems to
mo tho smart men have quit marry
iug."
Gont-~llow came you to put your
hand in my pocket? Pickpocket—Beg
your pardon. I am so absent- miudod.
I bad once a pair of trousers like thoao
you aro wearing.
"What a perfectly charming man
Mr. Twitter is." Maud —I never
heard him say a clover thing. "No,
but lie can move about tho room with
out stumbling over tho rugs."
A kiss is likoa bath,
That you take from tho river—
You can tako and take and take.
And tako 'em on forever,
And still thero's just as many
As if you hadn't never taken any.
"Poor Dibbles! They say ho got
a pair of beautiful black eyes at the
seashore. I feci sorry for him."
"You noodn't. Ho got a doucedly
handsome girl with them."
Hungry Guest-—l'd like to havo o
sprig of parsley with this sirloin.
Wuiter —Sorry, sir, but the bunch of
passley we'vo been usiu' today, was ct
up by tho last man that had steak.
Husband—"Why so happy?" Wifo
"Bridget, tho cook, is going to re
main with us after nil. Mrs. Joues,
to whose situation sho was going, died
last week. Wasn't it sweet of her?"
"Darling," ho murmured fondly,
"you aro the only girl I havo ever
loved!" "That's all right," sho re
sponded thoughtfully ; "but am I tho
only girl you aro over going to love?"
The young man said : "I lovo but thoo."
Bho looked up to the top
Of a splendid overarching troo
And cried : "Just now, it seems to mo,
I heard a chestnut drop."
Mrs. Gabb—Yes, my daughter ap
pears to havo married very happily.
Her husband has not wealth, it must
be admitted, but ho has family. Mrs.
Gadd—Yes, I heard ho was a widower
with six children.
Mrs. Gabb—Yes, my daughter ap
pears to havo married very happily.
Her husband has not wealth, it must
bo admitted, but he has family. Mrs.
Gadd—Yes, I heard ho was a widower
with six children.
Strawbcr—You look a", il you lind
been laid up old man. Singerly—l
have been ; I announced my engage
ment last week. Strawbcr—Why should
that lay you up? Singerly—l an
nounced it to her father.
"No," caid Knogood, despondently,
"I haven't beon discharged; but they
removed mo from my placo as boss,
they removed mo from tho best work
and afterwards removed me to the
lowest grade ; nud three removes, you
know, aro as bad as a 'fire.' "
Consolatory,
Mabel (lookingin mirror)—My face
is my fortuno.
Ethel—Yes, dear. Well, tho man
who weds you will never be accused of
marrying for riches