FREELAND TRIBUNE.
PCBUBBID IVIKT
MONDAY AND THUKSDAY.
'PHOS. A. BUCKLEY,
Editor and Psopßnrroß.
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Tie port promptly to thin office when yonr paper
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when paper in dlaoontteued, or collection will
w made in the nrannrw provided by law.
DON'T fool with a wasp because
you think he looks weak and tired;
you will And out he's all right in the
end.
A MAN should never be ashamed to
own that he has been in the wrong,
which is but saying that he is wiser
than he was yesterday.
SOCIETY is often more concerned
about the way a man enters and
leaves a room than about his fitness
to enter the room at all.
IF you would find a great many
faults, be on the lookout. If you
would find them In still greater abun
dance, be on the look-in.
SOFT words may appease an angry
man—bitter words never will. Would
you throw fuel on a tiouse in flames
in order to extinguish the fire?
THE young men in Ohio and other
States who offered their services to
.lapan are probably victims of the
dime novel and cigarette habits.
HE who bears failure with patience
Is as much of a philosopher as he
who succeeds: for to put up with the
world needs as much wisdom as to
control it.
The Mark Lane Express, In com
menting on the British harvest, says
that the yield of wheat was 16 per
cent, better than in 1893 and the
best crop gathered in several years.
Real estute business in London can
be estimuted from the record of a
week's doings at Tokefiliouse Yard.
Of fifty-two auctioneers who con
ducted sales twenty-tv>u had to retire
without selling a siugle "lot," and
only five sold all they had on hand.
THJS warfare of the future in des
tined to be done at long range. At a
recent trial at Indian Head of the
Carpenter projectile it went through
fourteen and one-half inches of steel,
forty inches of oak, and several vards
of earth without injury to Itself,
though large pieces of the armor
plate were sent flying through space.
This projectile was flred from a
thirteen-inch gun. The battle-ship
Indiana and her sisters will have
four such guns and eight eight-inch
guns.
THF. estimated average yield of
wheat in the Moosomin district, ac
cording to the Canadian Journal of
Commerce, was 15 bushels; for the
districts along the Manitoba and
Northwestern Railway, 20 to 25
bushels: Prince Albert, 20 bushels.
At Calgary, owing to the drought,
the crops were light. Kegina wheat
in many portions was a total failure,
and at other points in that district
there was an average yield of 10 to
12 bushels. The seasou was the
driest there since ISBO.
The production of copper through
out the world in 1893 has been given
at 17,250 tons for Germany, 160 tons
for the Argentine Republic, 1,425 for
Austria-Hungary, 7,500 for Austra
lia, 2,500 for Bolivia, 4,000 for Can
ada, 6.000 for ( ape Colony. 54.270 for
Rpain and Portugal. 147,210 for the
United States, 21,350 for Chili, 400
for England, 2,040 for Newfoundland,
2,500 for Italy, is,ooo for Japan.
8,480 for Mexico. 460 for Peru, 5,000
for Russia, 750 for Sweden, and 2,850
for Venezuela. This makes a total
of 303,075 tons, against 310,845 In
1892, 270,401 in 1801. and 260.630 in
1890. The average price per ton was
1,093 francs in 1893, 1,150 in 1802,
1,277 in 1891, and 1,135 in 1890.
A bushei. box is coming into use
with market men, and by reason of
being square is very economical in
the way of packing. It is made in
three styles, one all slatted, another
with a slatted bottom and sides, with
solid ends, and the third with solid
ends and close bottom and sides,
bound with galvanized iron; in fact,
It is a galvanized bound hox. These
bozes are very convenient for hand
ling potatoes, the vegetables being
picked up Into the boxes in the field
and left in them until sold. Of
course, other crops can he handled in
this way, as cucumbers, tomatoes and
apples. The measure of these boxes
is 141 by 11* by 12j, that being a
bushel without piling.
LADIES OF THE CABINET.
„ Mrs. Olney. ' Mrs. Blssell. Mies Morton.
Mr®, tiresham. Mrs. Cleveland. Mre. Carlisle.
Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Lamont.
CHILDREN'S COLUMN.
A DEPARTMENT FOR LITTLE
BOYS AND GIRLS.
Something that Will Interent the Juvenile
Members of Every Household—Qtialn* An
tlona and Bright Sayings of Many Cute
and Cunning Children.
Wishing.
I'll wish to he a j rlncess and
To hare a horse to ride.
And hare some footmen, brave and tall.
To walk close by my side.
To be a princess, really, true,
With long, long golden hair.
With forty maids, all dressed In white.
To stand around my chair.
And hare a park a mile around.
With trees and paths and flowers.
And birds' nests full of eggs and things,
And castles and some towers.
And I will lire forever there
Until a prince will come
With long black hair, and look quite fierce,
And take me to his home.
A flood Reason.
•Why did you tumble down, my boy?" the
kindly teacher cried.
•Bees se 11 dti' t tumble the
lng youth replied.
Old llronie.
"It's the strangest thing," said
Jessie, with wide-open eyes.
"And my flowers will never grow,"
.aid Ruth, shaking her head rue
fully.
It was strange. Out In a corner of
the garden was a rockery. On the
rockery was an iron basket made to
hold flowers. Ruth had planted In
he middle of It a white lily bulb. All
around the edges she had put morn
ing glory seeds. She wanted the
fines to droop over the sides of the
basket and run down the stones.
Every day the children visited it
and found that something was doing
mischief. It was very plain that the
jeeds and bulb were trying to do
their duty, for many and many a tiny
ihoot came peeping above ground.
But the earth about them was
acratched and the tender green stalks
broke down and withered.
And it kept on day after day.
"It must be rats," said Jack.
Rut nothing else iuthe garden was
ever touched.
"Couldn't be frost, could It?" asked
little Nan.
They all laughed, for the geranium
and pansies were smiling up in the
sunshine. One day the children
came home early from school. Out
Into the garden they ran, and then
there was a shout:
"If It isn't old Bronze!"
Old Bronze was the largest cat they
had. Jack had named him long ago.
not because he was bronze colored,
but because Jack knew that bronze
was some kind of a color, and thought
it sounded well.
There lay old Bronze on the bas
ket. It was Just the time when the
afternoon sun shone on it. He prob
ably found the warm earth a very
comfortable bed.
They all laughed, and Jack said:
"I'll fix him!"
He got the watering hose and
aimed at old Bronze, while Harry
ran to turn on the water.
"Oh, don't," cried Ruth. "Poor
old fellow! He did not know any
better."
"But he must be taught a lesson,"
said Jack, very (irmly. "N'ow scoot!"
The cold water came with a dash,
and old Bronze "scooted." With one
long, dreadful nil-aw-w-w-w-w! bo
sprang off the basket, flew over the
flower-beds, and did not stop until he
was In the top of the tallest tree.
"Poor old Bronze!" The little girls
petted and coaxed and fondled him
when he came down. He had learned
Ills lesson well, for he never so much
as looked at the basket again. And
the lily grew, and was soon looking
around her like a queen. The morn
ing glories crept down and wandered
"NOW sroor! '*
softly over the stones until, hefor*
summer was gone, the rockery looked
like a hank of flowers.—Chicago Led
ger.
Th Qrra, „r Kanearoa.
In this odd game of chance a toy
kangaroo operates the balls and is re
sponsible for the winning and los ng.
The kangaroo is a mechanical toy sc
constructed that with three jumps It
knocks against the halls on the In
clined cover of the game box, and
KAVGAROO
sends them spinning down into the
box, where they skirmish around un
til they fall into a cavity. All the
cavities are provided with numbers,
and the highest total number covered
by the balls of a player wins the
game.
Tlambou Culture In Florida.
"Successful experiments have been
made in raising bamboo in For-
Ida," said Abe Walthen, at the
Grand. "There are several patches
near Fort Myers, and the plants aie
all growing rapidly, sometimes as
much as a foot in a single night. The
Importance of this new Industry can
not be overestimated. For the build
lug of light summer houses, or for
certain kinds of furniture, ham bo:
cannot be surpassed. Road vehicles
can be made out of it, and many
other things too numerous to men
tion. Clothing can lie made from its
fiber, as can paper, and a portion of
ft is most excellent as food. It ia
the only plant known that furnishes
shelter, clothing aud sustenatico to
mankind, and Its introduction here
j will be of great public benefit"—
I Cincinnati Enoujrer.
WISE WORDS.
It is always safe to bo right .
Foreboding is always an enemy of
rest.
What a little god some big people
worship.
Doubts are like bats; they can only
live in the dark.
Men are often gainers when they
loso their money.
It costs less to be contented than it
does to be unhappy.
Too many people would rather have
glory thau goodness.
The man who seeks happiness must
learn to take short steps.
Society is what people arc when
they know they arc watched.
Fortune never changes men. It only
brings out what is already in them.
"Is the young man safe?" Not
whilo his lather is taking crooked
steps.
The man who is the least billing to
practice is sure to find the most fault
with the preaching.
People who are always telling their
troubles are never at a loss for some
thing to talk about.
Self-denial is about the last thing
some people undertake when they
start out to be religious.
No man is truly brave who liasu't
the courage to do right. Rani's
Horn.
Trees as Historians.
Tt has been fouud that the rings of
growth visible in the trunks of trees
have a far more interesting story to
tell than has usually been supposed.
Everybody knows that they iudicate
the number of years that the tree has
lived, but J. Keuchler, of Texas, has
recently made experiments and obser
vations which seem to show that trees
carry in their trunks a record of the
weather conditions that have prevailed
during the successive years of their
growth.
Several trees, each more than 130
years old, were felled, and the order
aud relative width of the rings of
growth in their truuks were found to
agree exactly.
This fact showed that all the trees j
had experienced the same stimulation j
in certain years and the same retarda
tion in other years. Assuming that
the most rapid growth had occurred in
wet years, and the least, rapid in dry
years, it was concluded that out of
the IM4 years covered by the life of
the trees sixty had been very wet, six
extremely wet, eighteen wet, seven
teen average as to the supply of mois
ture, nineteen dry, eight very dry and
six extremely dry.
But when the records of rainfall,
ruuning back as far as 1840, were con
sulted, it was found that they did not
all agree with the record of the trees.
Still it could not be denied that the
rings in the trunks told a true story
of the weather intluences which had
effected the trees in successive years.
The conclusion was therefore
reached that the record o! the rings
contained more than a mere index of
the annual rainfall; that it showed
what the character of the seasons had
been as to suushiue, temperature,
evaporation, regularity or irregularity
of the supply of moisture, and tho
like ; in short,that the trees contained,
indelibly imprinted in their trunks,
more than 100 years of nature's his
tory, a history which wo might com
pletely decipher if we could but look
upon the face of nature from a tree's
poiut of view.—Atlanta Constitution.
The Urcat Salt Lake's Weight.
I 'During a trip through Utah a few
mouths ago," said A. C. Levering, of
! Kansas City, at the Laclede last night,
! "I witnessed a most convincing proof
of the weight of the salt-laden waters
I of the Great Salt Lake. A strong gale
of wind was blowing over the lake and
driving its surface into low, white
capped ridges, while along tho shore
the loam lay like Hat banks of new
fallen snow. If as strong a wind had
passed across H lake of lresh water of
equal extent it would unquestionably
have produced such an agitation of its
surface that navigation in small boats
would have been difficult, if not high
ly perilous. The waves there showed
a curious resistance to the wind and
rose ouly to a slight elevation. Yet
there was an immense momentum
stirred up in those low, heavy, slow
moving waves. I ventured Lito tho
water at a point whore the depth did
not exceed three feet, and found that
it was impossible to staud against
them, as their sheer weight swept me
resistlessly along. I was told that it
was impossible to dive through an on
coming wave after tho manner prac
ticed by bathers along the Atlantic
coast."—St. Louis Globe-Democrat
A Paper Fire Engine.
The Fire Department at Berlin has
a fire engine, the carriage of which is
constructed entirely out of papier
macho. All the different parts, tho
body, wheels, pole, etc., are finished
in the best possible manner. While
the durability and powers of resis
tance possessed by this material arc
fully as great as those of wood, the
weight is of course much less. Tho
lightness of a lie engiue is, o ' course,
a great advantage, and it seems not
unlikely that wooden carriages will in
short time pass out of use altogether.
—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
A "Surprise" Wedding.
The new idea in society is the "sur
prise" wedding. Invitations are sent
out for a dinner party, and when the
dinner is over tho parson is introduced
in "a few well chosen words." The
bridegroom takes his guests into his
confidence, the bride blusliingly takes
her place and the marriage is solemn
ized without further ceremony. —Naw
York Dispatch.
THE GLACIAL MILESTONES.
ORIGIN AND NATURE OF THESE
ERRATIC BOWLDERS.
The Soil Has Been Slowly Forming
Over Them Since the Great Ice
Age -Stony Aliens.
THE following is an extract
from "Some Records of the
Ice Age About New York,"
by T. Mitchell Prudden, M.
TY, in Harper's Magazine: Many of
the glacial traces about New York arc
buried up by the soil which has been
slowly forming over them since the
end of the great ice age. If, however,
one lingers in his wanderings here
abouts where the ground is being
cleared for building, he will observe,
almost everywhere, where much soil
and earth and gravel are being dug
out and carted off to clear the rock
surfaces in preparation for blasting,
that larger and smaller rounded rocks
are found imbedded in the gravel.
They are usually too round and awk
ward in shape to be useful in the
masonry even of the foundations of
buildings. Many of them are too large
to be shoveled into the carts and car
ried away with the dirt and gravel.
And so one usually sees them rolled
off on one side, out of the way, on the
bared rock surfaces, until these are
freed froni soil, when they, too, are
hoisted lip and dragged ofi to some
convenient dumping-ground where
land, as they say, is being "made."
If one looks a little closely at these
despised bowlders he will find that
many of them are of entirely different
character from any of our native
rocks. Sometimes they are rock
called trap, like that which makes the
Palisades; sometimes rock like that
which is at home in regions many
miles to the north and west of New
York. And they are rounded and
smoothed in away which indicates an
enormous amount of wear and rub
bing sometime somewhere.
It is curious turning back in the
books to the record of a time only a
few decades ago, to read the specula
tions of the learned as to the origin
and nature of these erratic bowlders,
which, from their noteworthy shape
and their structure, often so different
from that of the rocks over which
they lie scattered, early attracted at
tention. Home thought that they
mu-t. have been cast up out of a dis
tant volcauo in an earlier time and
fell scattered here. For some they
were rounded by the wash of Noah's
Hood, and swept by its. fierce torrents
into alien regions. Others sank—in
theory—the earth's crust thereabouts
for many feet, and—in theory still
let enormous icebergs from some dis
tant arctic region drift over here, and
melting, drop their ice-borne freight
of rocks. Home would have it that
the earth was once surrounded by a
separate rock shell which somehow
came to grief and left its shattered
remnants down broadcast. Others,
still more dramatic, worked up their
facts and fancies to the point of as
burning collision with a comet. The
record, graven ou the rocks told the
true story at last, however, when the
people got ready to read it.
These rounded rocks or bowlders—
these erratics, waifs and aliens—are,
as well-known to-day, the torn-off and
transported fragments of rock masses
which the great ice manflc brought
down here during the cold weather
do long ago and incontinently dropped
when the climate changed and the
sun swept its borders back toward
Greenland aud the pole. Many of
these erratics still bear bruises and
scratches testifying to their tierce en
counters with the old bed rock along
which the relentless ice mass ground
them in their journey toward the
coast. Here they have iaiu. these
stony aliens, through all the long
ages, buried up with other glacial
wreckage, covered in by soil later
formed, sharing their secrets with the
rootlets of vanished generations of
plants and trees, until at last another
alien, Italian orCelt mayhap, breaks in
upon their seclusion with pick and
shovel and rolls them ignominiously
away. Then, at the scarred rock sur
faces, the steam-drill pecks viciously,
puny successors to the gigautic sculp
tor of the old ice age, whose records
it and its explosive allies soon erase.
How He Saved the Baby.
Elijah Davis, a motormau on car 121
on the Lake Breeze line of the Salt
Lake City Railway, some days ago
saved the life of a babe which had
crawled upon the track between Ninth
and Tenth West on Second South.
As the car turned ou to the clear
stretch in the vicinity of the Fisher
Brewing Company's works Davis gave
it all the current possible, and the
motor was doing its best. The motor
man had his eyes fixed ahead, and to
his horror saw a little child not over
eighteen mouths old moving in the
grass and weeds in the middle of the
track. He threw off the current, set
his brakes and rang the bell. The
track was slippery, aud the wheels
continued to move. The car was rap
idly approaching the babe, and it
seemed as though no power could save
it.
The contiuueri ringing of the gong
and the shouts ol the motorman at
tracted the attention of the child, and
it crawled out of the weeds aud di
rectly upon the rail. Here its posi
tion was even more dangerous than
the other, for the cruel wheels was
sure to grind the little body into
small pieces. Seeing that ho could
not control his car, J)avis left his
post, jumped to the step, and, cling
ing to the outside hand rail, reached
out ahead of the car. The babv was
still on the track, and as the car
rushed down upon it the plucky mo
torman grasped its dress and drew tho
child out of harm's way. —Salt Lake
(Utah) Herald.
THE OLDER BOSTON.
The English Town After Which Onr Mod
ern City X. Named.
Few of the thousands of people
who look upon Boston, in Massachu
setts, as oue of the finest cities on
the continent (and therefore as one of
the finest In the world) are aware of
the existence of a much older town
of the same name from which onr
modern city took its name. Is Is
over in England and, though now but
a sleepy town, was at one time one o(
twas founded In
667 by St. Botolpb,
and was named
.iohn cotton. tee u tli century It
paid more taxes than any other town
In England, with one exception, and
It continued to prosper until Queen
Bess' time, when the mouth of the
river Wlthatn, which flows through
the town, dried up and as a conse
quence Its commerce was destroyed.
The oldest edifice In town is St
Botolph's Church which was built
early in the 12th century. At tho
time the Pilgrim Fathers landed at
Plymouth Rock, this church was pre
sided over by Rov. John Cotton, an
eccleslast of great learning and much
loved by the people. Believing that
the new country offered him a better
Held for work Cotton sailed hither
with several other good Englishmen
and landed in Massachusetts bay.
Here they founded a new town and
THK Ol,l> BOSTON CHCBCH.
named it Boston, out of respect for
John Cotton, the first pastor of the
first church to have an existence In
the Boston of the new world. Mr.
Cotton lived to a good age, dying In
1652, honored by the whole colony.
His old church in Boston, Eng., still
stands and Is an object of much in
terest to travelers. In 1855 the peo
ple of the American Boston restored
the old church to a good condition
and placed in it a tablet com
memorating the virtues and services
of John Cotton.
A Variety or Hats.
Wonderful is the variety of' head
gear worn in the streets and parks ol
Paris. In most instances the station
of a person is defined by tho manner
in which his head is covered. Maids
and nurses are in white caps, often
decorated with gay ribbons: peasant
women, fresh from the country, ap
pear in bonnets whose queer shapes
differ according to the province
whence tte wearer has come: and
market women wear colored hand
kerchiefs twisted around the head In
a style they term marmotte. Work
men, tradesmen and those in the ser
vice of special companies wear on
their heads the insignia of their oc
cupations. Civil employes, police,
postmen and firemen are uniformed;
the drivers of omnibuses, tramways
and carriages have their distinctive
hats, and to a stranger It appears as
If all business weie under military
rule. Pastry cooks' apprentices ap
pear in caps of immaculate wtilte
linen. The drivers of private car
riages have hats decorated wlth vari
ous hands of gold and silver, as well
as cockades of different colors. Well
bred Paris poodles are shaved once a
month. Men who make their living
by shaving them bear the announce
ment of their trade around their
hats. They are high, black, var
nished ones, probably originally be
longing to coachmen, on which are
painted half-clipped poodles and 'half
opened shears.
Promising Pupil.
'The "Life of General Sir Hope
Grant" contains an amusing account
of the teaching carried on, perhaps
fifty years ago. in the dame school of
an English village.
A little fellow was brought for
ward as a show pupil when some la
dies were visiting the school, and re
sponded thus to questioning:
•What's the first letter of the al
phabet?" asked the dame.
"Ah don't know."
"We must give him a commence
ment, ma'am," said the teacher,
aside. "A is the first letter. What's
the second?"
"Ah don't Know."
••What H it that buzzes about the
garden?"
"Flies."
"Thou art a stupid hoy. Bees buz
zes about the garden. B's the second
letter, what's the third'-"'
"Ah don't know."
"What do 1 do wheu 1 look at
thee?"
"Thou iquintest "
"Oh, then stupid Doy! Do 1 not
sec thee? ois the thiid letter. Now
what do two aud two make?"
This time the boy answered with
triumphant readiness: "Five!"
"See. ma'am." said the old dame,
cxultiugly, "bow nigh he is to it!"
MY SWEETHEART
'Twas a .plaint rtaymo scrawled in a spelling
boo'*.
And nauded to me with a bashful look,
By my blue-eyed sweetheart so fondly true,
Iu the dear old school duys long years ago—
"lf you love me as I love you
No knife can cut our love iu two."
That "Sanders' Spoiler," so tattorod and
torn,
Has always a halo of romance worn,
And never a poet with honeyed pen
Has written so precious a rhyme since then—
'lf you love me as I love you."
Ab, dear, you know I did—l do.
I've kept it safely for many a yenr—
This dog's-eared, shabby old spelling-book,
dear,
And now. as I hold it withiu my hand.
Again in tho school-room I seem to stand-*
Heading once more with rapture now
"lf you love me as I love you."
How some foolish saying from out the past
Like a rose branch is over the pathway cast,
And the time of flowers, we still remember,
Till minds blow cold in the bleak Deooinber.
(lod grant it always may bo true—
"That you love me as I love you."
—Carolyn L. Bacon, in Buffalo Express.
11l XOIt OF THE DAY.
Doing time—The lady who grows
younger every year. —Puck.
[t is usually a great big man who
insults you.—Atchison Globe.
Tho politician's favorito novel—
"Put Yourself in His Place."—Puck.
Many do a heap of hard climbing iu
search of easy grades.—Chicago Her
ald.
Order of the Bath—Come right out
of that water this minute I—Boston
Transcript.
No man can worry about how ho
looks and keep his bank account grow
ing.—Atchison Globe.
Some people are of such happy dis
positions that thev never amouut to
much.—Atchison Globe.
A great deal of the piety of to-day
is a thing of great beauty becauso it
is only skin deep.—Puck.
Never put any confidence in the
answers of a man who is afraid to say
"I don't know," occasionally.
Don't think that becauso a man has
done you a favor he is under everlast
ing obligations to you.—Puck.
Butter is prime while it's fresh; but
a nmu lifts long lost his freshness when
he reaches his prime.—Puck.
"Are you certain that you love me?"
"I am.' 1 "But are you sure that you
are certain V"—New York Press.
The lawyer who workeil like a horse
was engaged in drawing a convey
ance.—Boston Commercial Bulletin.
May—"Next to a man, what's the
jolliest. thing you kuow of?" Ethel
"Myself, if he's nice."—Brooklyn Life.
One of the dampers of ambition is
the fact that- the mautle of greatness
has to be worn as a shroud too often.
—Puck.
One's own capacity is a poor stand
ard of measurement; the stars shine,
though my near-sighted neighbor deny
it. —Puck.
When a man does not. want to do a
thing he says "I caunot;" when he
cannot do it he says "I don't want
to."—Fliegende Blaetter.
The average dwarf is at a very se
rious disadvantage. No matter how
large his income he is always sure to
be short.—Buffalo Courier.
When a boy goes out West hunting,
and writes home that ho killed a deer,
he can fool his mother, but ho can't
fool his father.—Atchison Globe.
As the express <lashes through the
station—"O, porter, doesn't that
train stop here?" Porter—''No,mam;
it don't even hesitate."—Tit-Bits.
To his mute the caterpillar said
In a tone of caution, soft and low.
As they ••luug to the branch just overhead,
Get onto the the girl in the hammock below.
—Washington Star.
A man regards his newspaper much
as he docs his wife--something to find
fault with when he feels cross ahd
something he uever approves of--Atch
ison Globe.
"I love to listen to the patter of the
rain on the roof," said the miserly
poet. "I suppose you do," said his
wife. "It's a cheap amusemeut."—
Harper's Bazar.
Bora—"Don't you think my gowns
Jit better than they used to?" Cora—
"Yes. Your dressmaker told me yes
terday she was taking lessons in geome
try."—Harlem Life.
Mr. Oldstyle—"l don't think that a
college education amounts to much."
Mr. Sparerod—"Dou't you? Well,
you ought to foot my hoy's bills and
sec."—New York World.
No woman is such a slouch at mathe
matics that she cau't tell in half a
iniuute how much her husband would
save in the course of a year if he
shaved himself.—Atchison Globe.
One of the unexplaiued mysteries
of life is how difficult it is sometimes
to get into a comfortable position when
you go to bed, and how unusual to
find ono that isn't conifortable when
you have to get up.—Puck.
Jinks (yn the rail) —"I was talking
with an oruiucnt physician in the
amoker." Mrs. Jinks—"What is his
name?" "He didn't mention it, and
I did not like to ask." "Then why do
you think lie is an eminent physi
eiaji?" "1 asked him what was the
best cure for consumption, and ho
said he didn't know."—Puck.
Cabmau (at library) —"Say, is this
hero the uovel you advised mo to
read?" Librarian—"Yes; that's the
one. ' Cabman "Well, you can take
it back. There's nine people in the
first four chapters who hired cabs.
|Bnd each of 'em when he got out 'Hung
Jris purse to the driver.' Now when
I waut that sort of literature, I'll go
to Jules Verne and get it pure. "—Chi
cago Record.