FBEELAND TRIBUNE.
PUBLISHED EVERT
MONDAY AND THURSDAY.
TLIOS. A. BUCKLEY,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
OFFICE: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE.
SUBSCRIPTION BATES.
Ono Year ,1 M
Six Months
Four Months 50
Two Months 25
Suliflcriltcre are requested to observe the date
following the name on tho labels of their
papers. By referring to tills they can tell at a
glance how they stand on the books In this |
office. For instunce:
Grover Cleveland 28JuneB5
means that Grover Is paid up to June 28,1805.
Keep the tiguros in advance of tho present date.
Report promptly to thia office when your paper
is not received. All arrearages must bo paid
when paper Is discontinued, or collection wlli
he made in the mnnuer provided by law.
THE whole counsel of God i 3 not I
being tie-lured fiom the pulpit where |
the most notorious sinner in town )
can be a member of that church loi j i
years and he respected.
The New York World prints n list !
of 109 New Yorkers who will have to |
pay an income tax of SIOOO and up
wards. W. \V. Astor's tax is set at
$178,000. Mrs. Hettie Grceu pays j
more than any othor woman.
The despised rabbit of Australia is '
being anxiously inquired for by the {
British army contractor, records the ' j
American Agriculturist, who sees a ,
possible supply of cheap ond whole- i
some food for the army in that diree- 1
tion. 1
Among the Sioux no lover can have j
the girl of his choice unless he can out- j
run her. The scientists say this is a '
survival of the earlier method of am- j
linscadiug an intended wife and kid- ! I
napping her as a means of opening tho I '
courtship.
A promoter in California proposes j j
to build an electric railway through i .
the mountains sixty-two miles to tho |
losemite \ alley, and, by utilizing tho j '
water power, furnish electric light and j ;
motors for all that region. About |
4000 tourists visit the Yosemite every j
year, paying $3 j each for the stage i
ride.
French statesmen, notably M. Lc- | '
ville, are endeavoring to extend to ! '
Franco tho benefits of tho American J '
homestead, and as there is no word iu 1
the French tongue which is a proper I -
equivalent for it, tho word "homo- j '
stead" is retained in a bill that has j (
been introduced iu tho Chamber of |
Deputies.
Formerly tho man with a hand or- l i
gau strapped over his back and an up- |
right stafi firmly fitted to one side of j !
the instrument was a familiar sight; I
but now ono rarely sees this oldspeci- j
men of music box. Tho musical piano, j
which is run on wheels, and which, if i
anything, makes even more hideous j .
noise, has almost entirely supplanted j i
tho old orgau.
In France the telephone is used ou
many railroad main lines. On a por- j ,
tiou of the Vinceunes Railway a rather 1
novel system is in vogue by which at i
a given signal on the telephone instru- |
ment the operator connects the tele- ;
graph wires with a telephone for ver- !
bal communication. The largo Aus- !
tralian railways use full telephones, 1
which may be connected with tho tele- i
graph wires at any point without in- '
terrupting the telegraphic cornmuni- j
cations.
New York and Boston together have |
ten miles less of paved streets than j
has the city of Chicago. Philadelphia
lias forty miles more of paved streets '
than Now York and St. Louis together. '
The question of pavement, which was
formerly considered only vith rela
tion to the wear aiid tear, or, rather,
the wear and pressure of vehicles, is I
now considered by the students of
municipal administration generally in
reference to the problem of street
cleaning, says the New York Sun. I
Germany has for years possessed tho j
most efficient pigeon service in Eu
rope. At Strasburg there are GOO
birds, at Metz GOO, at Thorn 1000,
and they are kept by the hundreds at
other centres, such as Mainz, Cologne,
Kiel and Danzig. The whole frontier
is connected by pigeon post with the
military headquarters and with towns
iu the interior. Tho service is sup
ported by an appropriation of about
30000 a year. The practical use of I
the pigeon post was fully demon- j
st rated at the siege of Paris in 1870. j
{since then it has become a recognized j
part of the military organization of !
all European countries except Great i
Britain. Russia has now on her Pol
ish frontier alone, 3000 birds, and ap
propriates yenrly §IO,OOO for pigeons ;
the French appropriation is twice as
torge,
| JACK TAR'S PUNISHMENTS.
REGULATIONS THAT GOVERN THE
AMERICAN SAILOR.
Conllnemo tit In the Ship's Prison on
Jiread and Water—Tricks Played
on Murines—Contraband Drink.
~1 ORTUNATELY for the sailors
i I=/ of the United States Navy,
| I flogging is a thing of tho past,
j 6 gone with the sailing ship and
I the muzzle-loading gun, and the regu
; lations issued by the Navy Department
say just liow far an officer may go iu
the punishment of an enlisted man.
i In order that no man can plead igno
| ranee when ho has broken any regula
. 11011 the articles for the government
' of the navy, called by Hailors the riot
act, are read on deck with all hands at
muster on the lirst Sunday of ouch
month.
It is not infrequent for a Captain to
make all of his crew study tho regula
tions, and when any sailor has been
caught doing wrong he sometimes
makes tho crew pronounce sentence.
It is quite amusing at such times to
see how a man can mistako ten for live
wh it relates to days of confine
ment.
One of the most severe punishments
known to sailors in tho uavv is to be
put in the "brig," which is a small
j room below decks used as a ship's
prison, where culprits usually wear
what are called double irons and the
diet is restricted to bread and water.
A slight caso of intoxication or an
omission of the word "sir" in speaking
to an officer will send the offender be
low for from two to ten days. When
sailors come ashore sixteen or twenty
hours' liberty is given them, but if
they should happen to overstay that
time, even by uu hour, their punish
ment will be swift and sure, and if
one overstays his leave ten days he is
entered in tho books as a deserter and
is subject to a court-martial if caught.
All men arc told this as soon as they
enlist, and it serves to keep many from
breaking their liberty, as it is called.
But au ingenious trick of Jack Tars to
have a week or so ashore, and to evade
court-martial, is to break his liberty
about niue days and twelve hours, and
then to report aboard. In this man
ner he has a good vacation and only
receives some such sentence as five
days' solitary confinement in the brig.
For though this punishment may seem
severe enough to landsmen, it is noth
ing to your hardened salt who has done
thirty days on bread and water and
felt no lasting iuconveuienco from it.
Another thing which serves to re
move the terror from a bread and
water confinement is that the friends
of an imprisoned man can always man
age to pass some food to him without
being seen by the marine who is on
guard outside the door.
On a great many ships iu tho navy
the sailors have bored holes in the top
of the brig, and through these they
pass tobacco, food and sometimes rum
from the deck above to tho confined
shipmate.
Whatever in the way of comfort that
is passed to a prisoner must be by
stealth, for a marine is always ou
guard at the door, and according to
the sailor's code a marine would no
mure help) a sailor than he would at
tempt to lly, and consequently a sailor
has no love for a marine.
Many tricks are played on the ma
rine guard by sailors, and it is not au
unusual occurrence for a marine to
find his gun and bayonet smeared
with molasses just before inspection,
as a memento from some young sailor
whom he has reported for punishment.
Whenever a Bailor returns from
shore he is met at the gangway by a
sentry, who searches him carefully to
see that he has not brought any intox
icating liquor aboard with him. This
is an indignity which Jack dislikes
but has to submit to, and a great deal
of his spare time is occupied in think
ing up schemes for bringing liquor
aboard, despite marines and regula
tions. Among the best of these smug
gling schemes is tho one known as the
molasses jug game, which is worked in
this manner:
, The mau who wishes to smuggle
; takes an ordinary stone molasses jug
; to a saloon and gets it filled with rum,
i then he provides a paper tube just the
| size of the jug's neck, and closes one
end of it. This tube is put into the
jug's neck and secured there with mu-
J cilage. The sailor tills the tube with
molasses and marches aboard the ship.
At the gangway tho marine sergeant
makes him halt, takes the jug from i
him and draws out the stopper, lie
smells the cork and tips the jug up, '
and some of the molasses in the tube i
Hows out of the jug. Tho sergeant re- |
ports to the officer of the deck that j
the man is all right, and Jack is al
! lowed to go forward.
I When he gets forward of tho fore
-1 mast ho receives a hearty greeting
from his fellows, and tho blockade
j runuer slits the tube with his knife,
allowing the molasses to fail into the
jug, and then rum and molasses is
served to the thirsty sailors who can
not get ashore.
The drink tastes good to the sailors,
but if the jug contained only ink and
it was contraband Jack's satisfaction
ut having fooled the marines and
broken regulations 'at one time would
make it seem like nectar.
Another trick which is worked a
| great deal in the countries around the
i equator is to horo a hole in a cocoa
; nut, draw out the milk, and, after fill
i it with rum, put a plug in the nut and
■ carry it aboard ship.
At sea it is much more difficult to
| obtain a drink on board ship than it
i is in port, for in these days of much
I steam and little sail grog is never
served out, but there are several
! drinks which can be had.
The most common is a drink which
tastes something like lager beer, and
, called hop water, whicii is made by
| boiling hops for about au hour over a
hot fire and pressing them. The juice
which results from the pressure is the
drink.
Alcohol is a drink very much in de
mand, but very hard to get. It is
given out occasionally to the gun crews
to clean the big guns with. At such
times as this the sailors who arc thirsty
drink the alcohol and blow their breath
upon the guns, holding that that does
as much good as though the alcohol
was applied. The officers, however,
are incapable of grasping tho logic of
this reasoning, and so when any one
is caught drinking the alcohol there is
sure to be another man in tho brig
before night.
A starboard cocktail is tho name
given to the only mixed drink which
is within the reach of a sailor at sea.
The ingredients for mixing this stuff
are very hard to obtain, and so it is
only had on state occasions. It is
made from shellac, such as chairs and
Hoors arc varnished with, and in which
there is a great quantity of alcohol.
To get this the painter's chest must be
broken into, and the ringleader in the
attempt requires three accomplices
and a marline spike. The accomplices
must dance, sing or make some noise
that will drown the sound of the mar
line spike tearing away tho lock of tho
chest.
When tho shellac is obtained and
taken to some quiet spot it is poured
! into a hot bowl, which causes tho
' shellac to stick to tho sides and leaves
tho alcohol clear. Tho liquid is
strained off into cups and thou tho
juico from several limes is placod in
tho cups, sweetened to and weakened
to tho taste, and tho starboard cock
tail stands complete.—New York Sun.
WISE WORDS.
Time is au island in Eternity.
Words are tho overcoats of ideas.
A man is not hated until successful.
Love is genuine so long as it is jeal- j
ous.
The world's center is where a man
lives.
Low ideals make small men feel
heroic.
To-morrow is the day that never
comes.
Some fellows get very low down in
getting up in tho world.
Corns do not lose any of their vin
dictiveness when covered with pateut
leather shoes.
As we must render an account of
every idle word so must wo likewise of !
our idlo silence.
How to stop growing and not die
seems the great problem to be solved
for some people.
Wo aro all liviug under a sentence
of death. Sooner or later tho sontenco
will be enforced.
Tho lover who will lies to his sweot
heart can not be depended upon to
make a truthful husband.
That it is so much easier to see tho
faults than to find tho virtues of peo
ple may account for the superabuud
unco of fault-liuders, and this would
imply that tho fault-finder is a lazy
person, always seeking tho easiest job.
Never condomu your neighbor un
heard however many tho accusatious
which may bo preferred against him.
Every story has two ways of being
told, and justice requires that you
should hear tho defense as well as tho
j accusation; aud remember that tho
malignity of enemies may place you in
a similar predicament.
Miniature Dictionaries.
A popular prizo just now for son
venirs, is tho tiny chatelaiuo diction
ary. Tho trinket is ftndiug rapid sale
at proseut, not only lor such purposes
| as uamod, but because of the iudi
; vidual recognition of the real value of
i tho littio article. Tho tiny booklet,
not much larger than a postage stamp
of tho old vermillion type, contains
iu its leaves 15,000 words with their
meaning. When snug in its silver
easo it is no thicker than an ordinary
loeket, while its size, us stated, is of
tho postage stamp order. In tho silver
cover of tho littio dictionary a magni
fying glass is affixed. When the owner
desires to look up a word, ho simply
opens the littio locket, holds the
cover with its glass over tho pages,
and the print appears as fine type,
easily readable. Tho case which
forms the cover of tho dictionary
comes in silver or gold, though the
silver has tho preference. Tho ladies
i buy the trinkets and fasten them to
I their chatelaines. Tho gentlemen
I treat them like a postage stamp or
match case and carry them loosely iu
their vest pockets.—Detroit Free
j Press.
A Large Family.
William Michaels, of Logansport,
Ind., is a member of a remarkable
family. His grandfather was Henry
I Neher, who died recently. Mr. Nohor
] had fourteen children, each of whom
in turn became a parent of fourteen
children, making the old gentleman
, grandfather to 190 children. The
j progeny of tho grandchildren niim
j berod 357, making tho grand aggrc-
I gate for the family down to the fourth
j generation 507. Of these 553 were
j present at tho funeral of their ances
i tor, making one of the most remark
able family gatherings on record.—
! Chicago Times.
Caught a <{iicer Fish.
A curious fish is on exhibition in
1 this city. Its body measures only a
few inches around, but is five feet
j long, with a decided tapering at the
| tail. It was caught at Oyster Bay and
, is supposed to be an oyster-crushing
cel. The formation of its mouth would
seem to imply the name, for the roof
of the upper jaw is a solid mass of
hard bone, with a similar surface in
I the lower portion of the mouth.—
I Washington Olympian.
If you will kindly help me, please, But only just be seen?
I shall be vory glad;
For I don't go to school, you know, Why aren't dumb-waiters sometimes
I'm such a little lad. dumb
As they had ought to be?
Thoro's several things I can't explain, They're horrid, noisy, squeaky things
That's why I ask of you It's always seemed to tnr.
To toll me what you learn from books,
What makes the sky so blue? And why should llttlo pltchors have
Their ears so very great.
Why don't green peas in peanut shells When all I've seen havo but a mouth?
Out In our garden grow? What Is the earth's true weight?
And why should poppies havo that name
If M pop!" they cannot go? What inakos the clouds stay In the sky
Instead of falling down?
Why do not chestnut horses corao Are matches used to light the stars?
From off th' horse-chestnut tree? Why don't the fishes drown?
And why are table-leaves so big
While tree leaves aro so wee? If you'll just answer these for roe.
You will be very kind.
Why Is It that a whlto man's told And when you've done thore aro lots
So often that he's green? mote
Why Is't that boys shou d never talk, A-proying on my mlud.
LITTLE GREEN TAILORS.
"Grasshoppers, what are you doing?"
Cried Elsie, out on the lon.
"Cutting out drosses for fairies.
Little green tailors are wo"
Snip, snip, snip, snip
"Little green tailors are we.
"Making warm mantles and tippets
Out of tho white thistle down.
Wrappings for all the wee Indies
To wour when the snow comes down" —
Fnip. sulp. snip, sulp—
"To wear whoa the snow comes down.
"Gowns of green velvet and satin.
All slashed with purple and gold.
I'otuis we've plucked from the pansy,
Daffodils brought from tho wold"—
Puln. snip, snip, snip
"Diffodlls brought from tho wold.
"Coronets studded with dewdrops
Twine we for each littlo head,
Riflles ef laces the rarest.
Woven of gossamer thread"
Snip, sulp, snip, snip--
"Woven of gossamer thread.
A bund of littlo greo J tailors.
cross-legged we sit on the grass,
Shipping and stitching an l singing.
Listen, wee mnll. when you pass"—
Pnip. snip. snip, snip
"Listen, wee maid, when you pass."
What Heoi ma-t of Them.
Old Woman—l am sorry to hoar
little boys use such bad language.
Have you thought what becomes of
little boys who use bad language?
Street Urchin—Yes. Dey becomes
hosscar drivers.
An Ungrateful Teacher.
Little Boy—They won't ever get
me to give another 10 cents toward a
present of a book for the teacher.
Mother—What wont wrong?
Little Boy—Wo got the principal
to select one for he.r, and he picked
out one that was jus' crowded full of
information, and she's been teachin'
it to us ever since.
Tit Make a Hall that linunces.
Boys who are always losing their
balls can make them themselves.
Take a common cork and cut it as
round as possible, making it the size
of an ordinary marble. Then tear off
very narrow strips of rag and wind
these, one at a time, around the cork
until the hall is of the desired size.
1 Then cover It with cloth, or if a hoy
is fortunate enough to have an oblig
ing sister she will make a cover of
crewels by dividing the hall into
quarters, winding tho wool several
times around it, then buttonholing
the quarters all round one-half, then
tho other half, till an edge is formed
on each side of each quarter, then
buttonholing with any colors of wool
till the quarters are quite filled up,
when a seam tlnishcs them, and a
capital ball is the result, costing
nothing to make, but really service
able.
Escape from a Geyser.
j A Montana paper tells of the won
derful escape of a young man from a
geyser, into which be had fallen.
His companions, who were watching
his movements, shrieked as they saw
him fall. They immediately pro
cured a light, and lowered it into
the crater for as great a distance as
they could with the means at their
command.
Nothing could be seen; but by
dropping pebbles and bits of wood,
they discovered that at the depth of
about fifty feet the crater was filled
with water. They gave him up for
lost and with sad hearts left tho
scene.
They carried the news to the near
est village, but before any steps could
be taken to rescue their companion
he appeared among them alive.
He stated that he fell into tho
water feet foremost and quickly rose
to the surface and caught bold of a
projecting rock, by which he sup
ported himself. The water was warm
and buoyant and soon began to rise
rapidly.
As he rose with it he giasped the
rocks that jutted out from the sides
until he was able to crawl out just
as the water became very hot, when
he fainted on the edge of the crater
from sheer exhaustion. Such an ex-
perience Is said to bo without a par
allel. So we should think.
Intcrpdt'ng Experiment*-.
The following experiment will be
found useful irt evening entertain
ments or for children's parties. They
are all harmless, and no trouble can
result from them.
The first one is an optical illusion.
Cut two figures, just alike, out of
black paper—crosses will answer the
purpose—and place them in front of
a white paper, about three inches
from the eye. Have the extremities
of tho crosses about half an inch
apart. Look at them steadily and
you will see thrco crosses, all black,
and the middle one entirely separate
from the others. If the crosses art
made of two colers, as red and green,
and placed on a black paper, tho
third one will appear white.
Another effective experiment is the
floating lights; this is easily accom
plished, and It is hard for people to
see how the trick is done. Insert a
medium sized nail in the lower end
of a half candle. If there is trouble
in pushing the nail in warm it a
little. The candle is then placed in
a tumbler and just enough water
used to reach the top of tho candle
without touching the wick. Tho nail
is used for a weight. The candlo is
then lighted, and it will burn at
i the top of the water until the
candle is all used up. One would
naturally suppose that tho blaze
would scon reach the water, and be
extinguished, but the fact is, as tho
candle burns away it grows lighter,
and being lighter, rises in the water,
liy using colored glasses to hold the
water, it makes a very soft light for
use at night in case of sickness.
Another singular experiment can
be easily done. Procure a piece of
tulle and have a glass filled to the
brim with water. Moisten the cloth
thoroughly and place it over the top
of the glass, pressing It down tightly
to tho sides so it will adhere to the
glass. Hold one hand tightly over
the top of the glass, so no air can
enter it, and turn the glass upside
down. Then by drawing the glass
away carefully sidewise from the
hand, it will be found that the water
will remain in tho glass, and not
even a drop will come through the
tulle. It is well to try this over a
sink the first time, as if one gets ex
cited and removes the glass too sud
denly. the water will all escape. Tho
whole secret is in drawing the glass
slowly sidewise away from the hand,
Instead of lifting it.
Only Partially Domesticated Yet.
Although long a captive, and for
ages, perhaps, tho most serviceable of
all the creatures which man has won
from the wilds, the camel is still
only partially domesticated, having
never acquired even the small meas
ure of affection for his master which
we find In the other herbivorous ani
mala which have been won to the
service of man. Tho obedience which
he renders is but a dull submission'
to inevitable toil. The intelligence
which he shows is very limited, and
so far as 1 can judge from the ac
counts of those who have observed
him, there is but little variation in
his mental qualities. As a whole,
the creature appears to he innately
the dullest and least improvable of
all our servitors.—Scribner's.
Great Scott!
Mrs. Elliott, of Delaware County,
New York, started down a flight of
stairs with a lighted lamp In each
hand and the pancake turner she had
been using held In her mouth. She
fell, the handle of the implement
was driven through her nock and tho
blade had io be cut off before, tho
rest of it could be pulled out. And
she is recovering.
EVEN the most successful attempt
to bear the wheat market must go
against the grain.—Buffalo Courier.,
THE MliliKY SIDE OF LIFE
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BT THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Wrong Species Sarcasm A
Sweet Danger—Slow Collections—
AKcnl Heroine—A Hint, Etc., Etc.
She fell upon his neck.
In wild affright shrieked he,
This picnic youth with the pale, sweet face ;
A caterpillar she.
—Detroit Tribune.
A SWEET DANGER.
110 "They say kissing is un
healthy."
She—"Everything has its risks."—
Puck.
SARCASM.
Barber—"You have a tender skin,
sir."
Customer —"I did have when I came
in here. You havo it now."—Judge.
A REAL HEROINE.
lie—"l expect to make you the
heroine of iuy next novel."
She—"On the strength of the fact
that I read your last one."—New York
Sun.
SLOW COLLECTIONS.
"What's Cholly doing?"
"Trying to collect his thoughts."
"Poor follow. He isn't the first to
have trouble with bad debts."—Wash
ington Star.
EFFECT OF CIVILIZATION.
Johnny—"Pa, what's the difference
between cannibals and other folks?"
Pa—"Cannibals, my son, eat their
enemies ; other people generally go no
further than to live 011 their friends
and relatives."—Boston Transcript.
THOSE NEEDLESS QUESTIONS.
She—"Oh, Mr. Williams! did you
fall in?"
Ho (dripping in his walking suit)
"Oh, 110, indeed, l'vo just been tak
ing a dip. I always bathe in this suit.
No bother gettin * dressed afterwards."
—Harper's Bazar.
THE DECEITFUL FOET3.
"It is pretty well established," said
tho professor, "that Mars has no at
mosphere."
"Is it possible," asked the specta
cled young woman, "that the poets
who tell us about tho martial air iiavo
been deceiving U6?"—lndianapolis
Journal.
MAKING A COMPROMISE.
Wifio — 4 'l've got to have some money
and some new clothes and some shoes
and a hat and a wrap."
Hubbie—"Gracious, you don't havo
to have ai! that, do you?"
Wifie (studying a minute) —"Well,
I'll compromise on the money."—De
troit Free Press.
A GOOD ENOUGH SPEC.
Neighbor Whetstone —"D'ye think
it was a good spec to send your eon to
college and give him larnin'!"
Farmer Clovertop - - %4 You bet;
There's that bully, Sanders, who owns
the next farm. Ned's whipped him
out of his boots since he came back."
—New York Press.
MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME.
Caller—"ls Mr. Tackson in?"
Oflice Boy —"Yes, sir. But unless
it's very important ho can't see you.
You see liin baby is teething uow."
Culler— 4 'What has that to do with
it?"
Oflice Boy—"Well, I don't like io
wako him up."—Now York Sun.
A USELESS ERRAND.
"I walked up tho street in the hot
sun and overheated myself," said Mr.
Bioolmmbcr, as he sat down, puffing
and blowing, and began to fan him
self at a furious rate.
"What was your errand?" asked his
wife.
"I wanted to consult a thermome
ter."—Puck.
A GREAT CONTRAST.
Briggs "Why, how fat you aro
looking, old man."
Griggs —"Yes. I'vo been camping
out for the last threo weeks."
Briggs—"So I heard. But I've 6eeu
the ether members of your party and
they aro all ns thin as rails."
Griggs—"l did the cooking."—New
York Herald.
A HINT.
"Why don't you get a boy to keep
your desk iu order?" inquired the
caller. "It looks awfully littered
up."
"I keep it this way, " said tho man
at the desk, "to show that I'm always
busy."
"But why—Ob, I see! Good dayl"
—Chicago Tribune.
A SUDDEN SHOCK.
Looking up suddenly she beheld
before her the bearded faco of a man,
with a gloamiug knife between his
teeth.
Then she fuinted.
It was no wonder, for she had been
carefully reared, and had never seen
any one eat pie in that manner before.
—lndianapolis Journal.
FILIAL RESPONSE.
"Harold, my boy," exclaimed the
proud, iudulgent father, "I'm glad to
see you ! How you have grown !"
Tho blood mounted to the pale, in
tellectual brow of tho young man who
had just, returned from college, and
his voice trembled.
"Father," ho said with deep feeliug,
*'}* our handshake is twenty-tive years
behind the style!"— Chicago Tribune.
A BEAR MOVEMENT.
"Your church is a beauty. That
' handeome house next door is tho par
sonage, I presume?'
Deacon De Good— "X—o. Fact is,
the parsonage is some distance up
town, but wo intend to make an offer
for one of theso nearby residences
soon."
"The price will be higli, no doubt.
"Urn-I think not. We sha'n't try
to buy until after our new chimes are
put iu." —New Y T ork Weekly.
A SEVERE ORDEAL.
The two ladies had not met for some
time and they were vitally interested
in each other's welfare.
"I hope your health is better than
wheu I saw you last," said the first.
"No, I grow worso every day," re
sponded her friend, despondently.
"Too bad ! too bad! What seems
to be the matter?"
"No one kuows, and the doctors
say they cannot tell till after tho post
mortem."
. 44 Why, how awful. You poor, dear
thing! In your weak state, you can
never live through that!"— Life.
END OF niH RESOURCES.
It was a little New Hampshire vil
lage among tho mountains, where tiic
country store served as a postoflice,
circulating library, shoe store, grocery
store, dry goods storo and everything
else combined, that a Boston lady,
glancing over tho books, inquired,
"Havo you Browning!"
"No," said tho attendant somewhat
regretfully, and not knowing just
what, kind nu article Browning might
be, "wo have not." Then, mora
brightly. "Wo have blacking ami
blueing and have a man who does
whiting. We oceasionall do pinking.
Would any of theso do?" Michigan
Tradesman.
EVOLUTION OF TIIE FOLDING BED.
Mrs. De Flat—"Havo you anything
new in foldiug beds?"
Dealer— "Only tln, madam, and it
really is quite a success. On arißine
in tho morniug you touch a spring
and it turns into a washstan I an I
bath tub. After your bath you touch
auother spring, and it becomes a
dressingcase, with a French plate mir
ror. If you breakfast iu your room a
slight pressure will transform it into
an extension table. After breakfast
ytu press these threo buttons all once,
and you have an uprightpiauo. That's
all it will do, except that when 3*oll
die it can be chuugcd into a rosewood
coffin."—New York Weekly.
THROUGH "SANDT" FA'ES.
A well-known litterateur not long
ago delivered a lecture before a Bulla
lo club, and in the course of his talk
ho had occasion to quote Shakespeare's
lines about "uueasy lies the head that
wears a crown," etc. At tho conciu
siou of his address he was approached
by a Scotchman, who expressed hi?
pleasuro at the talk, but took occasion
to say that his approbation of Shako
speare was ouly limited.
"There's that bit you said about the
uueasy head and crown. I dinna like
it. It's mucklo foolish. Now our
Robbie Burns would na ha' writ such
| stuff."
The lecturer was a trirle surprised,
but inquired politely why tho Scot
thought as 110 did.
"Oh," said the Scotchman, "there's
11a a mou in Scotland, king or any
bo ly else, sae foolish as to go to bed
wi* a crown on, All 3' inon o' sense
wud hang it over a chair be for
turning in."—Harper's Magazine.
A "Last Atlantis" Clue,
An idol's head of bi\ccl clay his
been found in tho earn I duues near
Tangier, whore it was laid baru by the
wind. The mouth is largo and wide
open, the eyes small, the cranium very
small, the brow retreating, and tho
back of the lie ad Hat. It is said to
have iu extraordinary degree a like
ness to idols fouud iu Mexico, par
ticularly to the god called Nipe. Eye?
and ears are very little modeled, and
on the top of tho head is 11 pointed ob
ject. Xipu was a god worshiped on
the coast of Mexico with rites of 1111
common cruelty ; he was also the go I
of smiths aud goldworkers. II is hum in
sacrifices were flayed alive. The Tan
gier idol lias been decorated witu gold
mica. This discovery is sure to re
vive the old theories of a primitive
connection between tho Phoenician*
and the Indians of Central America by
way of tho/'lost Atlantis."—New Yors
Times.
A Simple Optical Am.
The introduction of the simple pho
tometer, brought forth by a Russian
inventor recentl}*, is claimed to meet
an important desideratum as a means
for testing the power of the eye. ft
is described as consisting of a pamph
let of twenty-four pages, the first oago
being of a clear gray lint, the next of
a double intensity, and ho on to the
twenty-fourth, tiio tint of which is
nearly black, being twenty-four time*
more intense than that of page one.
On each page are printed a few phrases
in black letters of as many different
sizes; with such an arrangement, it is
stated, tho degree of ease or facility
with which the words aro read 011 dif
ferent pages, when held at a certain
distance from the eyes, will indicate
the preciso illuminating power of light
prevailing in the room, or, on the other
hand, the power of tho e}*es them
selves. —Detroit Free Press.
A Bird's Linen Xest.
A housewife at Langholm, Scotland,
has just had a somewhat novel experi
ence. She had just washed some chil
dren's collars, and hung them on a
hedge surrounding her garden to
bleach. They were missing and could
not be found, but have now been dis
covered as forming part of the founda
tions of a thrush's nest situated in tho
cleft of an ash tree in a wood close to
the garden.—Glasgow Times.