How to Keep Toting. We find thie circulating in the news tapers. Tho author is unknown to us. U contains much truth: "Past grief, old angers, revenges, oven paat pleasures, constantly dwelt upon •U dead, decaying, or decayed thought —make a sepulchie of the soul, a cem etery of the body, and a weather boaten monument of the face. "This is age. "Tho women who nover grow old are the student women—those who daily drink iu new chyle through memorizing, thoroughly analyzing, and perfectly as •imilating subjects apart from them selves. "Study is development—is eternal youth. "The student woman who makes wise use of her acquisitions has no time to cor rugate her brow with dread of the beauty destroyer leaping fast behind her. "Hot considered or invited, old age keeps his distance. Brain culture, based on noble motive, means sympathy, heart gentleness, charity, graciousness, en largement of sense, feeling, power. Such e being cannot become a fossil';"—Sci- - entific American. Innane florae. Burlington, N. J., has a horse that ha* been declared insane. "Remember that In (iarfleld Tea you hare as unfailing romedy for Indigestion, Sick Head ache and every attending ill that an abused y itomach call make you suffer. Every druggist ••lis it. 2£0., 60c. and sl." The heart has nothing to do with the making of "society" laws. NOSAFETI RBMF.DY can be had for Coughs and Colds or anv ironhle of the Throat than "Brown's Bronchial Troches." Price 25 cents. Sold only in boxes. A man's accusations of himself are al ways believed, his praises never. A Complete Newspaper For One Cent. ITic Pittsburgh Chronlcle-'Tclcyraph is sold by a.l News Agents and delivered by Carrier! •very where, for One (' mt a copy or Six Cents a weelo It contains daily, the news of the world, receiving as It does, tlio reports of both the Associated Press and the United Press. No •ther paner. which soils for One Cent receives both of these reports. lis Sporting, Financial, Fashion,and household Departments are un tQualed. Order it from your News Agent. Sufferers from Dyspepsia Here's Something for You to Read Distress in the Stomach CURED by HOOD'S. Miss Jennie Cunningham & South Newcastle, Me. " When I began taking Hood's Sarsaparilla, I could eat nothing but very light food, with out having terrible d stress in my stomach. 1 hod tried other medicines, which did me no good. Before I hod taken 1 bottle of Hood's 1 saw that it was doing me good. I continued to grow better while taking o bottles, and now J HOOD'S Sarsaparilla CURES can eat anything. 1 have had no distress foi months, and I think there is no medicine foi dyspepsia like Hood's Sarsaparilla. My appe tite is excellent, and my health is very much bettor than for years." Miss JKN me CtJRNixciHAM, South Newcastle, Me. IIOOLL'S PILI.S cure Constipation by restor TOG the peristaltic action of the alimentary canal. 4 . PNII3 r/SH Thli Trade Murk 1 on the bet WATERPROOF COAT riu.tr.tod In the World 1 c "rr"V" A. J. TOWER. BOSTON. MASS. Unlike the Dutch Process r-ji No Alkalies Other Chemicals arA use< l in mlpreparation of W. 11AKER & CO.'S JfißreakfastCocoa 'I '\ i\ which is absolutely In |•i I\l pure and soluble. ftfi I miw'fen ft bus more thanthreeti met EBa E I Si the strength Of Cocoa mixed HHab rf price, sl-60 per bottle. BRAOFiELD REGULATOR CO., Atlanta, Ga. Bold by all druggists. THE MERKY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OB' THE PRESS. A Misiinacrstanrtinx—A Part Ques tion— A Solulinn to tho Problem— Ho Wanted tn Know, Ktc , Ktc. They stood there together foadly. In the twilight calm an 1 gray, And he said: "Taia is the swea'test hour, l iove the close of the day," ''Ob, I do, too,"Bhe briskly sail, This maiden in her prim®, "And so when wj are morris I, dear, I'll wear then all the time!" OF COUHSK SUE KNEW IT. Harry— "Docs she know you lore her ?" Fred—"She can't help knowing it. Why, she told me she had SIO3O a year."—Life. HE CDULDN'T TELL. Waiter—"How did you find your steak, sir!" Guest—"Blamed If I know how I did find it, it was so small."—Detroit Free Press. DID NOT WANT MUCN. Hunker (at Mrs. Dinsmore's small and early)—"l hope we shall hayo a little music." Spatts—"So do I. As little as possi ble."—Truth. COLUMBUS WITH VARIATIONS. Young Lady (to postal clerk) —"Two stamps, please." Postal Clerk—"Yis, ma'am; with or without whiskers?"— Puck. IIE WANTED TO KNOW. "The only thing left now," said the counsel to his client, "is the Judge's charge." "How much is it likely to be!" asked the client, anxiously.—Truth. A SOLUTION TO THE PR>BLEM. Mrs. de Style—"How do you manage to get your servants to wear caps? Mine won't." Mrs. de Fashion—"l hire a policeman to admire them."—The Million. A PERT QUESTION. She—."So you'ie fully determined to marry her, are you?" ne—"Absolutely." She—"H'm! Don't you ever feel sorry for her?"— Detroit Tribune. AN OLD TRUTH NE STATED. She—"J. believe you don't care for me as much as you say you do. With you, I think, it is 'out of sight, out of mind.'" He (earnestly)—" You are right, for when you are out ot my sight, I am out of mind."—Life. PERSONAL MAONETISSI. Jeweler—"Your watch is magnetized. Have you been near a dynamo or riding on the electric cars, recently?" Jim Hickey—"No; but I've been—er —calling a good deal on a very attractive young lady."—Puck. A VICTIM AT LAST. "Oh, girls, there's a trampl' 1 "Are you sure? 1 "Yes. Don't you see him?" "isn't it lovely! Now we will have some one to try our new cooking school biscuit oa!"—Dietetic Gazette. " DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. "I love the 'Last Rose of Summer,' don't you?" asked Miss Daisy of Cholly Jump-Up at tbe musicale the other even ing. "No; I find the 'last rose of winter' I more dear," replied Cholly.—Pittsburg Dispntch. CONTEMPORARIES. "The shark is the oldest type of "ish," said the school teacher. "Not any older than tlio sucker, I ! guess," remarked the boy whose father signed a lightning rod contract that afterward turned out to be a promissory note.—Detroit Free Press. TERRIBLE. Stranger (rushing into the police sta tion excitedly)—" Gimme tea of your best men right off! I've been robbed!" Sergeant—"Wnat of, sir?" Stranger "What of? Valuables, mm—valuables. Two of the biggest lumps of coal iu the house are gone." Truth. A CONNOISSEUR. "So the painting which you showed me last week has been sold to the baron for $3000?" "Yes, sir." "Well, give mo one for $1333. I want folks to see that I am a better art con noisseur than the baron."—Fliceude Blaetter. FEMININE FIGURES OF SPEECH. "To whom are you writiur, Grace?" "To Lou Simpson. Madge. Shall I send anything from jou?" "Lou Simpson! I think that girl is simply horrid. I wish you wouldn't have anything to do witli her. Well send her my iove."—The Ledger. A TRAGEDY. Tho Tramp (at the side door)—"Yis, mum. Your little dorg ruu out au' bit 1 me." The Hostess—"Little Fido bit you? Poor little thing. And you, you wretched man, I don't suppose you care—even—if —he's—boo-hoo—p p pois-onedl"—Chi cago News Record. THE VERY MAN. First Artist —"Well, old man, how's business?" Second Artist—"Oh, splendid I Got i a commission this morning from a mil lionaire. Wants his children painted very badly." First Artist (pleasantly)—" Well, my boy, you're the very man for the job."— Life. WHY NOT TAKE TWO OR TUHEE? Colonel Cole Hoyle (to daughter)— ••Yes, Libby; while you have been gal ivanting around Europe ge tin' your ed ucation, your old pops has been peggin l away until he has grown rich as mud. We have finished our new works and are just making things hump. Yes, indeedy; we can take the crude oil iu one eud of the buildiu' and when it reaches the other, it comes out thoroughly reSnel. Libby (languidly) 4 'Dear father, won't you try to find time to take a trip through the works yourself, the liisl thing iu the morning."—Puck. IIIS VIEWS UAD CHANGED. Oue June day, as I rode up to the house at the foot of a long hill on the banks of Tug Fork, iu West Virginia, J heard a woman giving someboby hark- Irom-the-tomb OJ the inside, aud in about a minute a man came through the door with a rush, followed by a freckle faced, towz'.e headed female armed with a broom. "She saw me and dodged back into the house. The man stopped his flight up the road. It was quite apparent that I had flushed a domest'c iufclicity at its height, but beiug prudent I re frained from saying anything, expecting the inan to mention it. 44 Can you tell me," I asked, 44 where the road forks below here?" —• 44 'Tain't very, plain, mister," he re plied, "an* I'll go a.id p'int it out, sob you won't miss it." I thanked him and rode along behiud him, neither of us speaking. At the forks he stopped. ••That's the road you take, mister," he said, pointing out the war. I was about to ri<}c oil when ho held up his hand. "Mister," he said, 44 how old air you?" I told him. 4l Au' I am fifty goia' oa fifty-one," he said, 4< an' tel here lately I didn't kcer much what happened, so long's they let me live tell I die uv old age." 44 And don't you want to now?" ] asked with real curiosity. 44 1 can't say kit I do." 44 Why not?" He came closer to me aud looked furtively ovei his shouldej. * 4 Mistcr," he almost whispered, that wuz my wife you seen come out uv the house. She married me last April."— New York Recorder. The Odor of Mti3k. The most potent of all perfumes, rank and attar of roses, are imported from tho East, but are too powerful, especially the former for European tastes at the pres eut day. It was, however, tho favorite scent of that most elegant of royal ladies, the Empress Josephine. Down to the epoch of the destruction of the palace of St. Cloud by fire during the war of 1870, the dressing room of the suit she had beea wont to occupy aud especially the drawers of the bureau she had used, were redoleut of that odor. The mortar employed in building the now ruined Mosque of Zobeide at Tauris was mingled with a quantity of musk by the piety of the masons engaged iu the work, and to this day the surrounding atmosphere is highly scented with it, especially when the sun shines upon the ruins. This ex traordinary durability of the scent pro ducing quality has brought about vari ous interesting experiments. A French chemist once exposed a small quantity of musk after weighing it to the rays of the sun in a closed room. After a certain period the musk wa9 again weighed and was found to have lost no perceptible portion of its substance, even when ths minutest test 3 were applied. Yet "the scientific experiment calculated that the volume of perfume evolved had amouui cd to no less a quantity than 57,000,000 of particles.—New York World. Facts Ab nit Crude Perfume?. Mask ia tho raw looks a good deal like axle grease, and smells worse. Tho popular notion that the musk of com merce is obtained from the rauskrat is a mistake. Most of the supply comes from the musk deer, a creature that is care fully reared in Iu lia for the sake of the secretion. This secretion is shipped iu the crude state, and is used not only iu the manufacture of the liquid perfitmo sold as musk, but also in very small quantities to give strength and staying power to many perfumes made from the csEcutial oiks of flowers. Curiously enough, the blossoms of two native plants have n noticeably musky odor. Oae is the small, yellow blossom of a creeping vine known as the musk plant. Its odor is marked, and is counterfeited in the commercial perfume called muse. The other is tho blood root. The pure white blosstm of that early spring plant has a distinct though delicate musky odor. A bean known as the musk be ta is a cheap substitute for aoimil musk. Civet is a greasy and intensely strong secretion of the animal of that name. As sold by the dealers in essential oils, it is yellow in color, and of about the con - sistency of honey. Like musk, it is not used at its full strength, but is diluted and dissolved in alcohol or usel as an auxiliary to other perfume?.—Chicago later-Ocean. Activity is Nature's I.a r. The first g'.ance at the heavens seems to discover rest. But as soon as we be gin to look narrowly an I get beneath the surface of th ; UJI, we find that every thing is in niotiou after a most wonder ful manner. Nothing is at rest. Not an atom but is moving and working at a tremendous rate. Every word and every particle seems to have a mission, and to be energetically and remorselessly busy in fulfilling it. Enthusiastic work— from it there is no dispensation and no respite. Day and night, summer and winter, the astronomical forces take no holiday. Some motions are more rapid than others; the planet, or moon, or sun has its varying rates of speed; sometimes, perhaps, a relative rest may bs reached for awhile in the contest between equal contending forces; but even in this ca : e the rest is merely relative to a few cir cumstances.—New York Journal. Tlioy Just Cut the IVntiics in Two. How many collectors of coins know anything alioiit the curious half-pence issued centuries ago by English au thorities, half-pence in the truest sen eof the words, since they were nothing more than minted pennies cut directly in half.- Specimens of these coins have been discovered fre quency among the buried treasures which from time to time have been unearthed in (treat Britain. In lain ash ire in 1840 were found a rare lot of coins, among which were sev eral pennies of the time of Alfred and Edward divided in this way. Similarly divided pence of the time of Edward the Confessor have been found, and in speaking of the dis covery, in I Slid, of a number of these curious half-pence of the time of William the Conqueror, and unques tioned authority stales that they were probably issued from the mints in that form, since the whole collec tion had evidently been in circula tion. in the British Museum in Lon don are specimens of these divided coins issued under various monarchs from Ailrcd to Henry 111., with the latter of whom the custom ceased An eminent a- ha'ologist accounts for the divided coins by saying that this doubtlesss arose from the scarcity of small change, which was in part remedied under the reign of Edward I. by the coinage of half-pence and farthings. PEIITEIIZE liiNcnzizKow sxnr.oiv.SKl is a .San Francisco cabinet-maker, and i'erterje Zmuchzizkomskckowlowski is a Buffalo boiler-maker. The con sequences of a chance meeting oi these two men in a narrow Boston street would be too horrible to con template.—Rochester Tost Express. Royal faking Powder Is Absolutely Pure AA/ HILE there are so many alum baking pow * * ders in the market, the use of which all physicians decide render the food unwholesome and liable to produce dyspepsia and other ailments, housekeepers should exercise the ut most care to prevent any powder but the Royal from being brought into their kitchens. In the use of Royal there is an absolute certainty of pure and wholesome food. The official State Chemists report: The Royal Baking Powder does not contain am monia, alum, lime, nor any injurious ingre dients. It is absolutely pure and wholesome. The Government reports show all other baking powders to contain impurities. In the use of any baking powder but Royal there is uncertainty if not actual danger. It is unwise to take chances in matters of life and health. f : ' 1 ' • ' I n M and Pitn - hlcli stain the han h, In lure the Iron and hum red ' TH- Rlln< Srm Nlnvc I'ollHti la Hrllllnt. Orlor less. Durable, and the cotiHiimer pays for no tin or glass package with every purchase. MllfiT HAVE? Arema AT ONCE. Sample f I nHIC Sa*ht<><-I( 'Put '92) free by mall for 2c. stamp. Immense. I u civ tilled. Only good one ever Invented. Heats weights. Sales unparalleled H'j A (lav. Write Quirk. BKOIUHD, I'hlla., 1' l ■ THE KISMD | | THAT CURES| £ I 1 A MARVEL INCOHOES ! | ■Kidney and Liver Disease! FOR 15 V£ABB, JG CURED BY 3 BOTTLES! §' DANA SARSAFARILLA CO.: GRNTLEMEN :—Having born reatnrrd to health by the uaeof your Sarrapsrills I feel itfiS my duty to let otheri know the great benefit l 9 hav Yeceived. For 15 yenrn I have Wen troubled withHN severe pain In TH" Niomuch, nliio H i.i.B ney nud loiter Jlftrae, §o badly that forSS weeks at a time I bad to stay in bed. jjfi 1 havo uaed three bottles of s DANA'S I SARSAPARILLA I ard I feel like n new man. I rerr,m-§ i mend It to any afflirtrd with disvaae of the Kul-H nevt. Yours reipectfulir. Cohort, N. Y. CHARLES SIMMONS. Jgj The truth of the above it rertiflcd to by H | JAMES S CALKINS, Druggist of Cohoct, N. Y. 0 Never purchase of a " SUBSTITUTE!?, 'I (a perion who tries to soil you else when you call for Dana's.) Our bot-H ties are being Tilled with a ARTICLE by "Substituters." Buy of the™ HONEST DEALER who sells you what youhjj gask for, and If , had catarrh of lungs and head, bad cough; physicians failed to cure; completely re stored to health by Pe-ru-na. Mrs. Dicy A. Lewi-*, Independence, Mo., was afflicted fourteen years by chronic catarrh; best physicians failed; took Pe-ru-na and is en tirely well. For further particular and a multitude of other witnesses, write to The Pe-ru na Drug Manufacturing Company, Columbus, Ohio, for a free copy of their illustrated treatise on catarrh. Pe-ru-na is also a sure cure for coughs, colds, bronchitis, la grippe, first stage of consumption, and all climatic diseases of winter. Klie Keats McGurrln. The fastest typesetter in Cali fornia is said to be a young woman who is employed In a newspaper (fli e it Santa Barbara. HOUSEMAID—"tin, Froressor, Pre. fessor, just think, I have actualij swallowed a pin." Professor (look ing up from his book) —"What! you've swallowed a pin? Well, here's an other one for you."—Fllegende Blaet ler. -T A J IS USELESS. HOMETACKS STRAIGHT TACKS < \ for K WHOLE T \ V\nAT SHARP TACKS /'.l RIGHT SIZED TACKS FOR r! All,. Thoroughly taught by reporters. < at. and tlr t ietnon free .1. (~ Render -on, I'iln. Pott's shorthand College.winiamsport. Pa. Si P lßo ' B for Catarrh Is the RS Bold by druggists or sent by mail. Hfl Bf] 60c. E. T nazeliloe, Warren, Pa. f^j OXU KNJOYS Both the method and results when Byrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys tem effectually, dispels colds, head aches and fevers and cures habitual Constipation. Sjrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever pro duced, pleasing to the taste and ac ceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial m its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities com mend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50c and $1 bottles by all leading drug gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro cure it promptly for any one who Wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO. SAN FRANCISCO. CAL. ' umvr.LE, KI. HW yon A, sr. MEND rOUR OWN HARNESS ITTHOMSON'S flfifc f| SLOTTED ~~ 11 CLINCH RIVETS. No tools rcqu.rrd. Only a hammer needed t<> drive and c'ineh thm easily and quickly, leaving ihe clinch absolutely smooth. Requiring no hoc to be mnde In ihe leather nor burr lor the Rivets. They are strong, lough and durahlr. Millions now in use. All lengths, uniform or assorted, put up lu boxes. AaU your dealer for lltem, or send 40c. in stamps for a box ol 100, nssorte l sizes. Man Id by JUDSON L. THOMSON MFG. CO., WAI.THAH, MASS. F~ lENSiON^Krs.'ft Prosecutes Claims. Sjrain laut war, ulty since. Worth Reading. MT. STERLING, KV., Feb. 13, 1889. F. J. Cheney & Co M Toledo, 0. Gentlemenl desire to make a brief statement for the benefit of the suffering. I had been afflicted with catarrh of the head, throat and nose, and perhaps the bladder for fully twenty-five years. Having tried other remedies without success, I was led by an advertisement in the Sentinel-Democrat to try Hall's Catarrh Cure. I have just fin ished my fourth bottle, and I believe I am right when I say I am thoroughly restored. I don't believe there is a trace of the disease left Respectfully, WM. BRID3E3, Merchant Tailor. BULL) 13 V DRUG GISTS, 75 cenu. IllPf We offer you a ready made medicine for Coughs, Bronchitis and other dis eases of the Throat and Lungs. Like other so called Patent Medicines, it is well advertised, and having merit it has attained a wide sale under the name of Piso's Cure for Consumption. "To Save Time is to Lengthen Life." Do Yea Value Life? Then Use SAPOLIO 'August Flower" I have been troubled with dyspep sia, but after a fair trial of August Flower, am freed from the vexatious trouble—J. B. Young, Daughters College, Harrodsburg, Ky. I had headache one year steady. One bottle of August Flower cured me. It was positively worth one hundred dollars to me—J. W. Smith, P.M. and Gen. Merchant, Townsend, Out. I have used it myself for constipation and dyspepsia and it cured me, It is the best seller I ever handled—C. Rugh, Druggist, Mechanicsburg, Pa. • r a u 13 '• STEEL EPWUteI JUMBO* the A'exandra improved Cresm Sep arator ; capacity 200 to4