LOVE'S PLEASURE HOUSE.
Love built for himself a Pleasure llouse-~
A Pleasure House fair to see—
The roof was gold, and the walls thereof
Were delicate ivory.
Violet crystal the windows were,
All gleaming and fair to see—
Pillars of rose-stained marble upbore
The house where men longed to be. f
Violet, gold and white and rose,
The Pleasure House fair to see
Did show to all, and they gave Love thanks
For work of such mastery.
Love turned away from his Pleasure House
And stood by the salt, deep sea—
He looked therein, and he Hung therein
Of his treasure the only key.
Now never a man till time be done
That Pleusure House fair to see
Shall HII with music and merriment
Or praise it on bended knee.
—[Philip Bourke Marston.
"SHORTY LOCHINVA.R.''
BY R. J. KETCHUM.
I think it may bo stated, without foar
of successful contradiction, that at 110
period of a man's existence does Cupid
strike so deeply and cause so muoh
sleeplessness as at the age of one score
oc thereabout. I havo known quite a
number of young men of about that ago
to bo deeply, passionately, desperately
in love, ana ultimately to reoovor and go
through similar but less agonizing expe
riences several times thereafter. Hut, as
I said, thov nover, in a single instance
sufi'ored half so much from subsequent
attacks us from that first experience.
Not that they love loss, but their capac
ity for suffering has diminished—which
is something to bo thankful for, for a
man who could suffer at each recurrence
of the complaint as muoh as ho did at
the first, would die of tho second or third
relupse.
The victim of this first attack is a
pitiable creature, particularly whon thero
uro "obstacles, "which is usually the case.
I always feel sorry for a chap in this
sort of a pickle, and I felt particularly
sorry for poor Shorty Fleming. I know
I ought not to encourage him, but he
was such a good little beggar, and so
much in earnest, that I would have defied
a far more sevore man than his brother
Jack for his sake. Resides, Shorty was
not one of the chaps who get over any
thing easily, and I know failure would go
hard with him. Moreover, Jack was not
tho only "obstacle." Sam Parker,
Shorty's Nettie's papa, also objected.
Ho was not a stern, unreasonable parent,
by any moans, but his objections, evon
if presented good-naturedly, wero nono
the less formidable. Parker was a
shrewd Maine Yankee, with a total dis
belief in the ability of womankind to uso
reason, and a record of some sixty years
of devotion to an earnest hustle for tho
fascinating but elusive American dollar.
Kettie wus the only daughter and the
youngest child in a family of soven, and
the old man, closo-fisted as he was, had
spared 110 oxponso in oducating her
liberally. It was only natural, there
fore, for him to object, especially as 1
Nottie was barely eighteen, and hud only
been out of school a few months.
He cullod on Juck one afternoon, not
casually, us he usually cullod, on his way
to or from town, but with a direct pur
fioso. Jack was under the weather, and
ay on tho sofa. I was reudiug to him
when Parker walked in.
'•liowdy, Flemin'; luid up, air ye?
Howdy, Faber; purty warm, ain't it?
Thunks, I will set a spell." And ho sat
down on the edge of a chair and bogun
tracing figures on the floor with his big
spur. Ho seemed nervous, and I rose to
leave the room, but ho waved his hand
and said: "Setdaown, Faber. Sot still.
Guess I ain't got nothin't' say but what
ye mout ez well hoar."
Hero the old man stiffened up in his
eout and stated the object of his mission,
in a good-natured but thoroughly decided
way, closing with:
"Naow, Fleming', I ain't no 'bjoction
t' th' loetlo feller—not one mito; he's a
tip-top good boy, an' all that. Hut
'tain't in reason th't I'm goin't* spend
more'n three thousan' dollars eddicating'
young 'un, an' then let 'or go an'
marry 'nother young 'un, 'thout ary rod.
An' that's what it'll come tew, fust thing
we know."
Now, Parker's remarks were in the j
naturo of a revelation to us. Of course
wo know .Shorty had put in a good many
evenings at the Parker ranoh, but we
had never guessed that his visits there
had anv significance. A courtship, too,
with six big brothers loafing around, is a
difficult matter. It is easy enough to
fall—just fall—in love with a girl if
there is no ono to hinder. Hut with six
young men, with whom ono is on good
terms, sitting around and occupying a
large portion of one's attention, it is a
matter of getting in love, which, accom
plished, is rather more serious than a
mere fall into the same.
Fleming sat up and ran his fingers
through his hair gravely. Then: "1
quite agree with you, Mr. Parker. I don't
know what to suy to Percy, but 1 will
try a little strategy and see if he can't
bo kept at homo inoro. If that don't do
1 can talk to him."
And hero began my connection with I
Shorty's lore affair. That ovening I was j
writing busily when some one opened
the door of mv dan and walked in. It I
was Shorty. Ho sat down quietly and 1
took up a paper, which ho looked at for
several minutes, while I scratched away
at my work. Then he throw down the
paper suddenly, and turned to mo with:
" Faber, what wus old Purkor hero for
•o-dav?"
I tried to dissemble, but Shorty is no
body's fool, and interrupted: "Oh, rot I"
said he, 14 1 reckon you think I'm a
sucker. Now, honostly, what was he
here for?"
Finally I told him about the conversa
tion between bis brother and Parker.
Ho sut silent for a few minutes. I could '
see his face twitch. Then ho turned his |
eyes to my fuce and said, slowly; "Faber, j
I know I'm young and all that, but—l '
know my owu mind. Jack's a good
brother and feels in duty bound to take
care of me, hut I guess I can 'tend to
that myself. I—l've made up my inind
to marry that girl, if she'll have me, and
all tho Jacks and Sum Parkers in tho
world can't stop me." And Mr. Percival
Fleming set his mouth hard and walked
out. He called at Parker's tho next
ovening, despite Jack's "strategy."
There was another caller at Parker's
that ovening, in tho porson of Morris
Cottrell, a wealthy rancher from up the
"Five-Mile." Shorty, when he got home,
mentioned this fact to mo, witli so ine
feeling in his tones. Cottrol was no old
duffer. He was a man of thirty, and
well-read, and a gentleman, and the
prospect of having him fern rival would
have sent despair to the heart of any
penniless young man less determined
than Shorty Fleming.
For two or three mouths Shorty con
tiuued his calls ut Parker's, growing
more and more gloomy and savage as the
days went by, tor old Sam Parker was
something o£ a strategist, and managed
to keep the poor lad from getting a
single private interview with Nottie,
thereby giving Cottrell a clear held,
which was evidently satisfactory to the
latter, although he did not seem to make
i much progress.
One evening Shorty camo to my room
in a state of mind, ite had seen Sam
Parker that day, and the latter hud told
him, us gently as possible, some galling
truths about his ago and his penniless
condition, concluding with the cheerful
information that ho "reckoned Net lied
'bout d'eided t' take up with Cottrell,
anvheow."
Of course Shorty was despondent, but
he was none the less determined. "Fa
ber, I'm going to see her to-morrow
afternoon, and—and usk her."
The time and the hour favored Shorty,
but I hardly think Nettie knew her own
mind. The boy who cauic riding slowly
home through the shadows next evening
was a very much downcast boy, indeed.
Ho told mo all about it later; how
Nettie had wavered, and finally told him
that she could give him no answer. She
cared a great deal for him, she said, but
she was not sure sho carod enough for
him. Hosides, her father objected to
him, and she could never cross her fath
er's wishes, when he had done so much
for her.
Sum Parker must have hoard of this
interview, and made up his mind to
something. Although he was usually so
good-natured b© was as determined as a
bull-dog, and I think ho used some in
fluence in deciding matters, for, two
weeks later, ho "dropped in" to tell Jack
that Nettie and Cottrell would be mar
ried on Thanksgiving Uay, two months
later.
Shorty must ha\jo seen news in my
face, for after supper he drew me aside
and asked what I knew. 1 hated to tell
him, but did so, the best way I could.
The poor lad stood still as stone for
severul seconds. Then, with a shudder
ing sob, ho turiW away. In tho morn
ing he wus gone with his horse and
clothes, leaving no word.
Jack ami Joe, tho other brother, wore '
much worried, but, as Jack for the first
time acknowledged, "the boy could take i
euro of himself."
Juck and I talked it ovef during the
day, and he expressed a great deal of
regret, thinking, however, that Nettie
had decided for herself, and that Shorty
had no one to blatno for his failure. "If
it had been different," ho went on, "and
Percy had pel severed and won, I would
have given in, and I think Parker would,
too, for next year Percy will come into
about fifteen thousand. You see, I've
never told him of it because I wanted
him to grow up 011 his own merits, and
bo self-reliant. I think it has been for
tho best. Joe nover knew, until ho was
of ago, that he had anything, and we
we didn't tell Percy of it then, because
ho was only seventeen. Joe put his
money into the ranch here, and kept
quiet übout it."
lie H ivt silent for a minute, then con
tinuned: "Of course, this is between
ourselves. But—do you know, I wish
the boy had won. He's a good doal of a
man, and, now 1 come to think of it, the
aft'uir has hit him hard. They could
1 havo waited a couplo of years, you
know." And Jack walked off slowly,
taking long whiffs at his pipe.
.Several woeks passed, dnring which I
saw Nettie Barker several times. She
seemed different. Her laugh was not the
jolly laugh I had been accustomed to
hour and sho seemed pensive at times.
Was it her approaching wedding, or—
Shorty? I hoped it was Shorty. But
somehow when people pine they seem to
lose color and got thin, and Nettie Par
ker did neither. And still no word from
I Shorty, and the day for tho wedding
only a week away.
It was Wednesday of Thanksgiving
week, and there had been grout prepara
tions at Parker's. Tho people for miles
around were invitod to the wodding,
which old Sam 'lowed would bo "tti'
baug-uppest thing they over hod in th'
kentry." I rode into town on behalf of
.Jack and myself, something to present
to tho bride-elect. In the post-oflico
some one tapped me on the shoulder.
| I turned. It was Snorty Fleming—
I Shorty, with a handsome moustache, and
i smiling quite happily.
I "How long before you're going out?"
I ho askod.
"Bight now."
"Bully! Fabor, go and borrow a
horse until to-morrow—tell 'em yours is
lame, and you'll havo to lead him. No
body has recognizod me back of tnis
overcoat collar and tho hirsute adorn
ment, and 1 don't want 'em to. I'll walk
out and head up tho road. Hurry up
with tho horses!"
In about twonty minutes I was follow
ing kirn, riding u horso 1 hud borrowed
frori my friend the doctor, and leading
my own. I soon cuught up with Shorty,
uud wo hurried on. Shorty showed me a
lettor signed " Nettie," and proceeded
to unfold a plan ho had in mind, which,
for the quality of pure "nerve," 1 had
novor heard surpassed.
There was nobody at the house but
Manuel, the cook, ami Shorty soon had
him sworn to silence, after which he pro
ceeded to cmnp in the cold, little up
stairs store-room off* my den, where no
body coud find hhim. .lack was not to
know of bis presence, he said, because
"Jack is so thundering honest and per
snickety, and would squeal or spoil the
job."
The half-hundred guests at Parker's i <
had been enjoying Thanksgiving Day to i
the full. All of Mrs. Parker s good I i
j things had been stowed away whore they
would do the most good. The minister j
from town was getting ready tor the !
ceremony, and the guests were bustling '
I nbout, amid some confusion, trying to 1
find the best points for observation. I
Nettie Purkor, pale for once, stood near
the front door, pulling her fingers ner
vously, waiting, supposedly, for her
father.
Some one knocked at the door. Nettie
pulled it open, gave a little cry, grabbed
| a man's hat from tho back of a chair and
jan overcoat from a pog near by, and
J rushed out, slumming the door. Every
body who saw tho performance stood
still, dazed. Then, as wo heard horses'
hoofs clattering up the road, there was
a rush for tho outside. Up the road,
disappearing fast, were two horses,
whose riders were evidently in a hurry.
There was another rush—this time for
tho stables—led by old Sam Parker,
j Hut, somehow, tho doors would not open.
'I hey had been nailed up, very securely,
by a person who was at that moment
making hypocritical efforts to got one of j
them open.
When they finally succeeded in
j mounting two or three men for pursuit, j
tho runaways hud three or four miles
i start. At this juncture, Cottrell, as cool
as if ho had never thought of attending
his own wedding, oaino up and spoke
quietly to old Parker, who was so dazed
that he had not opened his mouth so far.
J Tho old man started. "By gorry,
Morris, mebbo thet's o'rect. No use
yowlin' over spilt milk. Come on, boys."'
And they rode off, but not very rapidly.
"I told the old gentleman," remarked
Cottrell to me, as we turned toward the
house, "that it was no use trying to
head them oft'. They'll bo married
j inside of an hour." Then,, in a tone
| that contained no trace of bitterness, ho
continued:
"It is far better to have happened now
than—than later. And—us it is—l think
maybe there will be only one unhappy
person, instead of threo." That was
Morris Cottroll—philosopher and man.
Mr. and Peroival Fleming were
mot at the justice's office by old Sam
Parker, who remarked: "Wa-al, I
swow! Yew air a nervy boy! Ain't ye
both ashamed on't?"
No, they wero not; and, after Nettie
had had a good cry in her father's arms,
the runaways wero escorted back to the
Parker ranch to receive the congratu
lations of their friends, foremost among
whom was Morris Cottroll.—[The Argo
naut.
Tooth Growing.
So many discoverios have been made
during the past fifty years that people
are beginning to cease being surprised
at man claiming any fresh power over
nature. According to a German journal,
a Moscow dentist can grow tooth for us.
If this enterprising gentleman would
only grow painless teeth for us at the
outset, and save us constant agonies
from birth to death, ho would not
only provo a benefactor to the human
raco, but to his own peculiar welfare. At
present, however, he confines his at
tention to growing now teeth on the
ruins of old ones, which are said to grow
as firmly into the gums as natural ones.
Evon this advance in dentistry will bo
good news to those who have to wear
false teeth, which insist upon falling in
to the lap of the proud owner just as she
wishes to impress upon a rival how cap
j tivating borrow ot white pearls makes
j her.—[Hospital.
With the other objects, illustrating
the chnrnoter and modo of living of this
i /indent poople, are thousands of skulls.
Respecting thorn there is much mystery,
inasmuch as they represent two entirely
opposite types anthropologically. Some
or them are round and "bullet shaped,"
while others have an elongated form be
tokening a different ruce. Scattered
l thickly among the remains wero pieces
of jaw bones, prepared by manufacture
in nn extraordinary fashion for which
there seems to bo 110 reasonable account
ing. Not only tho jaws of human beings,
but those of many species of animals
wero thus treated, tho bono being cut
through so as to leave tho alveolar part
in a thin slice holding tho vow of teeth.
Tho method followed was the same.
Evidently the work was done with a saw,
which must hnvo been so cxtremoly thin
and sharp that the marvel is how savages
could havo obtainod tho necessarv tools.
I Among other curiosities are tools and
I ornamenfs made of copper. Some of tho
objects are of strange forms, the uses of
which can hardly bo imagined. For ex
amplo, for what purpose could a hollow
metal bird with many perforations bo in
tended? There are things which look
iko small vessels of various shapos also,
but likewise with a number of holes in
each. Not a few of tnoso are wondor
fully artistic in design, and tho same
may be said of numerous carvings in
soft stone, such as soapstone ana ser
pentine. One of them, a pipe, represents
with exquisite dotail a duck riding on a
fish. No traces havo ever boon dis
covered of any savages in America who
did not smoke tobacco.—[New York Sun.
A Lion and Lavender Water*
Wishing to test for himself tho roputod
fondness of many animals for perfumes,
a visitor paid a series of visits to a
menagerie, provided with bottles of scent
and a packet of cotton wool, and there
tried some harmloss experiments, which
apparently gave great satisfaction to
the inhabitants of various cages. Lav
ender water was received with particular
favor, and most of tho Hons and leopards
showed unqualified plousure when tho
j scout was poured on tho wool and put
! through the bars. Tho first leopard to
! which it was offered stood over the ball
iof cotton, shut its eyes, opened its
| mouth and screwed up its nose. It then
| laid down and held it between its paws,
rubbed its face over it, and finished by
lying down upon it. Another leopard
smelled it and sneezed, then caught the
wool in its claws, played with it, and lay
back and rubbed its head and neok over
the scent. It then fetched another leop
ard which was asleep in tho cage, and
i the two sniffed it for some timo together,
i and tho last comer ended by taking tho
| ball in its teeth, curling its lips well back
j and inhaling tho delightful porfume
I with half-shut eyes. The lions and
! lioness, when their turn came, tried to
! roll upon it at tho same time. The lion
then gave the lioness a cuff with his paw
' which sent her off to tho back of the cage,
and having secured it for himself, laid
his broad head on tho morsel of cotton
and purred with satisfaction.—[New York
j Recorder.
An Elegant I'ig Sty.
Ono of the most expensivo, and we
may say curiously constructed pig pens
in Pennsylvania, or perhaps in the United
States, has just been completed at Econ
omy. The cost of the pen or nursery up
to date is $3,000. It is constructed not
only on sanitary principles, hut with
special regard to the comfort of each and
every porker which finds a pluoe within
its walls. It is heated by two large stoves
and the entire pon*is covered with a glass
roof with proper ventilation. The eating
room is separated from the rost of the
pen and everything is kept scrupulously
clean by two attendants, whoso solo duty
| it is to tuke care of the pigs and look
! after the heuting and voutilation of the
building. At present the pen contains
; 300 as fine young porkers as can be seen
anywhere. They seem to thrive in their
I well-kept homo, and appear to realize
their superiority ovor a new-comer, which
they eye with disdain.—Heaver Falls
(Penn.) Journal.
Hunger of Berlin's Streets.
It is hardly safe to look at a military
sentinel in the streets of Herlin. Indeed,
it is hardly safe to go anywhere near
them. It seems that Hcutiucls have on
several occasions been insulted by pass
ers-by, and have received instructions
from the military authorities to shoot any
such aggressors. It is not long since a
man who had a few words with a sentry
was shot at in the Oranienstrasse of Her
lin. The bullet missed him, but wont
through the shutters and window of a
tradesman. In another caso, about five
months ago, a man wus shot at in the
Lustgarten while that place was crowded
with people, and in a third Case a sentry
; firing at some petty delinquent missed
• j his aim and hit a servant giyl in the arm.
I I In all these cases the conduct of the sol
. diers was approved by the oomcaandors.
, I —[New Orleans Pioayune,
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.!
JESTS ANI) YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
An Impostor—The Gall in the
Honey—A Lively Girl—lt Can't be
Kept, Etc., Etc.
AN IMPOSTOR.
lie—And you wish to break off the en
gagement ?
She —I do.
lie—For what reason?
She —Y'ou know well the reason. You
told mo you were poor and I have dis
covered that you are rich.
lie—l meant to give you a surprise.
She —You should not have done so. ,
You led me to love you by protending •
you were poor. But it is finished. Go,
1 am determined never to marry a rich ;
man. —[New York Press.
THE GALL IN THE HONEY. .
44 Life isn't such a pleasant thing after j
all,'' said Chappie.
44 Why not ? " asked Cholly.
'•Well, it's pretty hard, dontcherknow, |
to have to sit at a club window all day to
show to tho world you haven t to do
anything to make a living."—[New
York Frets.
IT CAN'T BE KEPT.
Dukano—You have a fine new watch,
I see.
Gas well—Yes; isn't it a beauty. It
cost $l5O.
44 Does it keep time?"
44 Keep time? No; tiino Hies as fast
as before 1 bought it."—[Pittsburgh
Chronicle.
AS OBJECT LESSON.
44 Isn't it queer," said tho mucilago to
tho cane. 44 You're a groat deal more of
a stick than I am, and yot I am stickier
than you are."
44 1 can bent you in another way,
though," said tho cane.
44 How?" asked the inucilngo.
44 This way," said tho stick, as he gave
him a boating,—[Harper's Young Peo
ple.
THE WISE OWL.
The owl took his hat and his gloves one
night
His sweetheart for to see.
Whon his daddy asked him where ho
went,
44 On a definite object I'm intent,
To wit, to woo," said ho;
44 To wit, to wit, to woo!"
But he scarce had stepped outside tho
door,
When ho could not fail to see
That tho sky with clouds was all o'er
cast,
Tho rain was falling hard and fast.
44 Too wot, too woo," said ho,
44 Too wet, too wet to woo!"
—[Harvard Lampoon.
A QUESTION OF VALUE.
Said the ardent lover, there's Hose and
May
And Saucy Nell, with her hat and
feather,
Anl stately Susan and Fannie gay
And Bell in her boots of patent
leathor,
But my fair Louise, with her winning
way,
Is worth tho whole of them put to
gether.
Said his friend, I'm certain your fair l
Louise | t
Will not compare with the charming j
Lilian,
With whom at the ball of the Ponsonbys ; ,
I danced, you remember, that last co- }
tillion, j j
For, besides her personal witcheries, j ,
She's worth pretty nearly half a mil- ; .
lion.
—[New York Press. ;
" KOT AT HOME." j
The Ante-room Autocrat in Knee
Breeches —Sorry, sir; Mr. Querker is |
out of town.
Mr. Grimdevll—That's odd. I have a
written appointment to moot him hero |
at 1.20.30 p. m. to-day. Hero's my \
card.
The Autocrat—All right, sir. I'll see
if he's in.—[Truth.
THE FIRST PRIZE.
Mr. J. Crowwell Sprinter, tho noted
athlete, was loafing away tho morning
in Tom DoWitt's bachelor upurtment£
when ho noticed a handsome silver mug
that stood on tho table.
"llellol where did you get this?" he
asked.
"That is a first prize, and coinmcmor
ntos tho only event in which 1 over won
u cup," answered Tom.
"You! Whore?" ejaculated Mr. Sprinter
in astonishment. "Oh! I see the date,
June 7th, 1861."
"Yes; that was my birthday."
"No wonder you won it," said Mr.
Sprinter, disgustedly; "there was no
competition!"
A WILD-GOOSE CHASE.
Chappie (faintly)—Doctah, my-aw
hoad feels awful! Does grip evah go to
the brain?
Doctor —Sometimes.
Chappie—l have pains rushin' around
all ovah, in mo arms and feet and every
where.
Doctor —That's grip.
Chappie—What s it trying to do,
doctah?
Doctor—Trying to find your brain, 1
guess.—[Now York Weekly.
A PRACTICAL MAN.
Deacon Hayrick—Goin' to inarry Pen
elope? Sho!" She's a nico gal, but she's
oldor'n y'r poor dead an' gone wife was,
you know.
Farmer Kakestraw—l know it,doakun,
but no one else kin take my dear wife's
pluce. Penelope is tho only one that's
got my wife's own receipt for puukiu
pies.
TIME TO RUN.
Pretty Girl Teacher—What! Do you in
tend to withdraw from tho Sunday school?
Wah Lee —Yesseo. Mo fildideo stay
Pretty Girl Teacher—Afraid? What
are you afraid of?
Wall Leo—Thisoe loap year.—[Now
York Weekly.
FOR I.OVE.
Sho married for love —she said so at
least —
She refused many offors, and all
thought hor rash,
But now that she is widowed, withplonty
of stuff.
She doesn't deny it was love—of tho
cash.
HOPEFUL VIEWS.
Little Dick —Tho school is closed bo
caußO so many children is sick.
Mamma —They will probably be all
right again in a wcok or so.
Littlo Dick (honofully)—Perhaps tho
rest of us 'll bo sick then.—[Good News.
A LIVELY GIRL.
Little .Tack—Why doesn't Mr. Sap
head come to your house any more ?
Little Lick—Ho got tIT grand bounce.
' 4 From your pop ! "
<4 Xo; from sis." —[Good News.
AN INQUIRING MIND.
Father —Everything I say to you goes
in at one ear and out at the other.
Little Son (thoughtfully)—ls that what
little boys has two ears for, papa?
A STRONG WITNESS.
Judge—Have you any witnesses for
yourself?
Prisoner—Yes, sor; meself.
GREW OUT OP IT.
Mrs. Saidso—You wouldn't think it,
but my boy wrote poetry when he was
twelve years old.
Mrs. Herdso—l should say not; he
seems bright enough how, too, don't he?
DIDN'T HAVE TO BR CALLED.
Papa—What in the world has got into
Bobby? Ho was up before daylight this
morning.
Mamma —This is Saturday.
THE BEST MAN GOING.
110 (at half-past eleven p. m.)— All the
girls tell me lam the best young man
j going.
She (with a yawn)— Yes, much better
then than at any othor time.
And he meandered out into the black
night.
ADVANTAGE OF BIRTH.
Hags, the Tramp—l may be only a
; tramp, but I toll yer, sir, I got de ad
advantage of yer
Adopted Citizen —In what respect?
Hags—By birth. I can be President
of do United States, but you can't. See?
—[Epoch.
TOO MUCH LIGHT.
Father—Why don't you start that open
grate in the parlor?
Daughter (who has a lover)— The glare
is so uupleosant. —[New York AN eekly.
INCOMPATIBLE TASTES.
Jess—My clmperon has been dismissed
and an older one engaged,
j Bess—You didn't have a difference of
opinion, did you?
Jess—Never; we always fell in love
with tho same man.
A FACETIOUS MEDIUM.
44 1f the spirits come to-night/' said
the medium, 44 we will hear them."
44 Think so?" asked one of tho com
pany.
j 44 Yes; it is a cold night and they won't
come without raps."
MAMMA AND AUNTY.
Indulgent Aunty (after stuffing little
nephew with doughnuts and fruitcake) —
What does your muminu give you be
tween meals?
Little Nophow—Orders not to oat. —
—[Good News.
A Singularly Litigious People.
The Cinghalesc, of Ceylon, aro a sin
gularly litigious people, and this charac
teristic is developed to au extravagant
extent by the laud tenure, and the
property tenure generally, which pre
vails there. The minute subdivision of
land of course encourages disputes and
lawsuits. So also with regard to proper
ty in cocoauut troos and groves. A man
may hold a one-hundreth interest in a
tree, and this system again leads to
litigation. Perjury is so common that
justice can hardly bo administered, and
an instance given by Miss Cuminiug is
so capital an illustration that wo will
| mention it. A (Jinghaloso began suit
i acainst a countryman for the payment of
' a large sum of money lout on bond, 110
| produced the bond and a string of wit
| nesses to swoar to the signature, and it
looked as if there could be no defonce to
; the action. Hut whou the plaintiff's
case had been presented the aofendant
| calmly produced a written formal rocoipt
for the money alleged to bo owing, and
| brought forward another crowd of wit
! nesses to swear to the signature of this
! instrument. So the plaintiff* was, much
• to his surprise, non-suited; and now what
! were the bottom facts of the caso? In
truth there had never boon any debt.
The plaintiff had forgod the bond uud in
vented thestory to injure an enemy. The
defendant on learning the nature of the
suit, and of courso knowing the bond to
bo forgod, had drawn an arrow from the
quiver of his adversary, and prepared a
| forgod receipt wherewith to meet the
other fraudulent document. What can
| judges do with litigants who resort to
such devices?—[New York Tribune.
I
Indian Courage.
The annals of no country can show
| anv savage foe so formidable for his
numbers to trained regular troops of the
white race as tho American Indian. The
tales of the Sepoy rebellion, replete as
they are with heroic achievements of
British soldiers, read like absurd fairy
tales to Indiun fighters of our army. The
i spectacle, ropoated again and again, of a
score or so of tlioso Knglishmsn riding
through as many thousands of opposing
, Sepoys, disciplined, and thoroughly sup
plied with the best of tire-urms, would
DO a very novel one to those accustomed
to tho temper of tho savage of our t#wn
, continent. Had Captain Jack or Joseph
or (ioronimo, with such warriors as they
.led, been tho sort of foes to attack the
English power in India, the history of
Delhi and Lucknow would linvo been
written in far durker characters on the
pages of English history. Self-reliant,
4 intelligent, tierce in battle, inimitable
horsemen, arinod with tho modem rifle,
our own Indians have often waged suc
cessful battle with regular troops unsur-
J passed in quality and far outnumbering
. them. It is doubtful if evou tho Cossack
1 or Arab can bo comparod with them in
partisan warfare.—[Harper's Weekly.
Typewriters* Fingers.
The discovery that the fingers of some
typewriter operators have got stunted
and out of shape from constantly striking
the keys is not likely to interfere to any
7 extent with tho popularity of muchines,
for experience proves that there is really
less wear and tear to tho fingers from
t writing with the machine than with pen
or pencil. Oporators who use more than
\ ono finger of euoh hand seldom experi
ence any fatigue at all, and even those
p. who use their forefingers only do not
complain as a rule. It is possible to
3 strike a key twico as hard us is necessary
"without improving tho writing at all, and
of course persistent thumping may have
unpleasant results. It. would bo possible
- in rosponso to a general demand to re
duce tho force of the blow iu striking
1 keys by means of rubber pads, but
when a proper touch has boon acquired
o there is really very littlo trouble.—[St.
i. Louis Globo-Domocrat.
CHASING SWORD FISH
AS EXCITING AND DANGEROUS
OCCUPATION.
Hunting tlie Fish on the New Eng
land Coast lts Strength and
Agility A Terror to Other
Fish.
A sword fish, when swimming noar the
surface, usually allows its dorsal fin and
a portion of its tail to project out of
water. It is this habit which enables the
fishormon to tell whon the game is pres
ent. The creature moves slowly under
ordinary conditions, and the fishing
schooner, with a light breeze, finds 110
difficulty in overtaking it. When alarmed,
however, it exhibits enormous strength
and agility. Sometimes it is seen to leap
entirely out of wator. Its long, lithe,
musculur body, with fins snugly fitting
into grooves, is admirably adapted for
the nfiost rapid movement through the
water. Prof. Richard Owen, testifying
in an English oaurt respecting its power, '
said:
"The sword fish at full speed strikes
with the accumulated force of fifteen J
hammers swung with both hands. Its }
velocity is equal to that of a swivel shot j
and the shock is as dangerous in its <
effects as that of a heavy artillery pro- (
jcctile." ,
The sword fish novor comes to the sur- j
face except in moderate woathor, accord- f
ing to Dr. G. Brown Goodo. A vessel
pursuingthein has always a man stationed 1
at the mast head, whore, with the koen }
eye which practice has given him, he can
easily descry tho tell-tale, back fins at a
distance of two or three miles. Whon
the prey is sighted tho watch gives a j
shout and the craft is steered in the di
rection indicated. Tho skipper takes his ]
place in a sort of "pulpit," so-called, at
the end of tho bowsprit, arined with a
harpoon which lias detachable head, 110 *
holds tho pole which forms the handle of
tho weapon with both hands, directing
the man at the wheel by voice and gesture
how to steer. There is no difficulty in
approaching the intended victims with a
vessel of some size, although, curiously
enough, they will not suffer a small boat
to come near them.
Although there would bo no difficulty
in bringing the end of the bowsprit
directly over the fish, q skillful harpooner
never waits for this. When the prey is
from 6 to 10 feet in front of tho vossol it
is struck. The harpoon is novor thrown,
tho polo being long enough to enable tho
expert to punch tho dart into tho back of
the animal close to the back fin. When
tho dart has thus boon fastened to tho
fish tho lino attached it is allowed to run
out, tho pole being retained in tho hand.
As soon as the rope has run as far as tho
stricken croaturo will carry it tho lino is
passed into a small boat which is towing
at the stern. Two men jump into the
boat and pull upon tho lino until the fish
is brought alongside, whon it is killed
with a whale lance stuck into tho gills.
Then it is lifted upon tho deck of tho
vossol with tackle.
There are any number of stories re
presenting tho ferocity of tho sword fish.
In several well authenticated cases they
are said to havo pierced the sides of ves
sels, projecting their weapons through
copper sheathing und several inches of
planks. Casos uro on record of the find
ing of such swords broken off in the sides
of craft which had boen pierced. What
tho fishos which were thus deprived of
their instruments of offense managed to
do without them can only bo imagined.
Tliore does not seem to bo any reason
for taking it for granted that thoy could
grow others. Attacks by sword fish aro
included by insurunco companies among
sea risks.
Such a largo and formidable animal as
the sword fish can foar but few antago
nists. Others of its own kind, horse
mackerel and sharks are its only peers.
Doubtless the last are its worst foes. In
18G4 there was exhibited to the Boston
Society of Natural History the jaws of a !
shark in whose stomach nearly the whole j
of a largo sword fish was found. It was ,
a tiger shark, the most ferocious of Its j
kind, and ten or twelve wounds in its I
flesh gave some notion of the conflict i
which must have occurred. In 1878 a
small mackorol shark was captured in
Gloucester harbor, and in its nostril was
found the sword, about two inches long,
of a young sword fish. NVhon this was
pulled out tho blood flowed freely, indi
cating that tho wound was recent. Tre
mendous combats have often been wit
nessed 1 between sharks and sword fish.
Sword fish aro a terror to schools of
mackerel, blue fish and comparatively
small fry. They rise among tho prey,
striking to right and loft with their
swords until they have killed a number,
which they thereupon proceed to devour.
Sometimes they appear actually to
throw tho fish in tho air, cutting them in
two as they fall.
Although hunting tho sword fish is re
garded as a profitable pursuit on tho
Now England coast, employing many
vessels, it is not likely to bring aboutany
serious diminuation of tho game. One
reason is because their habits are soli
tary. It is said that two are never seen
swimming close together. Although a
number are apt to be found in tho same
neighborhood, wherever the food they
seek is plentiful, they never run in
schools. Considerable quantities of
sword fish aro annually salted in barrels
at New England ports. Being regarded
a delicacy thoy aro in great demand in
certain sections, particularly in tho Con
necticut valley, whoro a barrel full may
be found in almost every grocorj' store.
The fishermen have a theory to the effect
that tho sword fish can see nothing direc
tly in front of him, owing to tho pecu
liar way in which his eyes aro placed,
and it is stated that these animals are
sometimes approached and killed by
hunters in skillfully managed skiffs.—
[Washington Star.
Esquimau* in Alaska*
Dr. Jaokson say* that the condition ot
the Esquimau. on the Arctic coast of
Alaska, is very serious. The destruc
tion of the whale, the walrus and the sea
lion, followed by the inroads made upon
the fish of the streams by the canning
industries, have left the natives in an
absolutely starving condition, so that the
process of slow starvation and extermina
tion has commenced along the whole
Arctic coast of Alaska. Villages that
once numbered thousands have been re
duced to hundreds—of some tribes two
or three families remain. At l*oint Bar
row, in 1828, Cant. Bcechoy's expedi
tion found Nuwuk, a village of 1,000
people; in 1863 thoro were 300; now
there aro not over 100. Iu 1826 Capt.
Bcochey speaks of finding a large popu
lation at Cape Franklin; to-day it is
without an inhabitant. Ho also mentions
a large village of one or two thousand
people on So his mar off Inlet; it has now
but three houses. In this crisis it is im
portant that steps Bhould be taken at
once to ufford relief.—[Philadelphia
Bulletin.
LINCOLN'S DEATH BIER.
A Dilapidated Relic in a Secret
Crypt at the Capital.
An interesting national relic which the
World's Fair will probably wunt has been
preserved in Washington, writes a corres
pondent of the Pittsburgh Dispatch, for
inuny years in an unusually curious hid
ing place. It is the bier or cutafulque
upon which successively rested as they
lay in stato in the rotunda of the Capitul
the remains of the nation's martyred
f lesi " oQ t, Abrahuni Lincoln; those of
haddeus Stevens,Pennsylvania's "great
commoner;" of Salmon P. Chase, Lin
coln s Secretary of the Treasury and
afterward Chief Justice; of Senator
Charles Sumner and Vice President
Henry Wilson, of Massachusetts; of
1 resident James A. Gartiold aud General
John A. Logan.
It was made of wood, after an original
design bv B. B. French, Jr., Commis
sioner of Publio Buildings, and consists
of a platform and elovated dais covered
with lino black broadcloth and ornamont
ed at the sides with tasteful funeral trim
mings. Whon not in use all these twenty
six years since it was constructed, the
bier has been kept in a secret stone crypt
or tomb inside the Capitol, away down
undor ground in the very centre of the
building, remote from all scenes of legis
lative strifo and political turmoil. This
subterranean crypt was prepared in the
hist year of this century as a mausoleum
to receive a sarcophagus containing the
remains of George Washington, under a
resolution of Congress passed early in
1800, when it was proposed to build a
statue of him in the rotunda of the Capi
tol and accord his dust a national sep
ulture underneath. But the crypt was
never usod for that purpose,because Mrs.
Martha Washington in hor lifetime ob
jected to the separation of her remains
from those of her illustrious consort to be
buried with him, and because Washing
ton also, in his will, signifiod his deßire
to lie interred pormauently at Mount
Vernon.
President Lincoln's remains, after ly
ing in state for two duys in the East
Room of tho White House, were trans
ferred to the Capitol, where, resting on
this bier, they were exhibited in the ro
tunda from noon on April 20 until six in
the evening of April 21,1805.
After Lincoln's funeral the bier was
stowed away in George Washington's un
occupied tomb. Relic hunters located it,
and despite all tho precautions taken to
preserve it intact they despoiled it of
many of its ornaments and trimmings.
Three years later an explosion was occa
sioned in tho crypt by tho escape of gas
from tho pipes in tho surrounding walls,
and tho inan who undertook to investi
gate tho leak was killed and the bier sad
ly singed. When Thaddeus Stevens
died, however, it was covered anew and
drawn out of the crypt into the rotunda
above.
Tho fasces at the"four corners, and tho
silvor ornaments and satin festoons are
now totally gone, carried off piece by
piece in the pockets of predatory tourists,
and what is left of tho bior as a whole
presents a sorry appearance, for tho
broadcloth covering is almost devoured
by moths, and only one strand of satin
braid remains stretching around one end
and one side. Rut Architect Clark, who
has custody of tho treasured relic, now
keeps it under strictest lock and key in
its narrow cell.
Allow three pairs of laces foreachpair
of tho 1,G00,000 shoos, and sot thelougth
of each lace at two feet; then tie theso
together, and you will have a string
3,750 miles long, or just double tho length
of the first Atlantic cable. Tako the
cost of tho laces alone, putting it at three
cents a pair, and you find it is very near
fifty thousand dollars. The cost of button
hooks for the same time will not run
less than sixty thousand dollars.
Gaiters or "spats," as they are called
in the old country, arc in the very fever
of fashion now, especially the dead black
or navy blue. Indeed, from all that I
can learn, over half tho women that
make any pretensions to "stylo" or
fashion wear them; so that wo may put
down tho total number of those worn
here in tho year at one hundred thousand,
costing about two hundred and fifty to
three hundred thousand dollars; so that
the total for outsido foot-wear altogether
| comes closo to $3,400,000; perhaps tho
full threo and a half millions. I need
hardly add that but a small proportion
of "kid" boots are genuine.—[Once a
Week.
Gold from the Heavens.
A discovery that is likely to excite in
terest of the keenest character in tho
scientific world was recently made by
Geologist H. W. Turner, while oxploring
tho gold regions of tho Sierra Nevada
mountains. While at Cavo City, in Cal
laveras County, Mr. Turner discovered
a meteoric stono covered by a film of
solid gold. Tho discovery is important
und interesting in more than one uspect.
It is tho first of its kind over inado in
the woild. It demonstrates to scientists
that there is gold in tho worlds of space.
It opens the way for investigation in a
field hitherto supposed to bo burren of
results. It may lead to a development
of science, for it proves a fact until now
doubted, that there is gold in meteorio
stone.
The meteor is seven inches in diam
eter, and looks not unlike nickol with a
tough grain. It was only by the great
est difficulty that a piece was broken off.
The gold covers it in patches, one of
which is about an inch square. Mr.
Turner is of tho opinion that it fell from
some star. He will give it to the Smith
sonian Institution.
Mr. Turner has just finished an inves
tigation that has taken mouths. He has
closely examined the richest gold belt of
tho State, that country between Nevada
City und Angels in Calaveras. The re
sult of his investigations will soon be
published.—[San Francisco Chrouicle.
Thin Iron.
The Papormaker reminds its readers
that in the international Exhibition of
1831 a specimen of irou paper was
shown. This led to some competition
uinong ironmasters as to tho thinness to
which cold iron couid bo rolled. One
maker produced a sheet of papor so thin
that 1,800 layers of it piled upon one an
other measured only one inch in thick
ness. The fineness of the iron foil re
ferred to may bo understood when it is
remembered that 1,200 sheets of tho thin
nest tissue papor arranged in tho same
manner moasuro a fraction more than one
inch in thickness. The iron paper was
perfectly smooth and easy to write upon,
but when hold up to the light it was por
ous. Wo aro not aware of any practical
use to which iron paper could bo put,
for, owing to its liability to rust, it would
bo far inferior to tho paper that we are
accustomed to.