THE SONG OF THE AXE.
Ha>k to Ihe axe! see the trees fall!
The axe. as it swing*, bis s song for all!
It sings yeo ho ! for the bounding ship,
As it hews her stout planks down,
It sings of the wain on the harvest plain,
Anl the coach for ray lord in town ;
The festive board with its light and song,
And hey! for the dancing floor.
Where the lovers vow, as they float along,
To lore for evermore.
Bark to tbe axe! see the trees fall!
The axe, as it swings, has a song for all!
But a tender tone tbe nxe must keep,
As it shapeth tbe ted of rest,
Wbpre the maiden sleeps her last long sleep,
With a rose upon her breast.
It seems to speak of the long good-bye,
And the ship that came in vain,
And then u love that will not die
However the years may wane.
Berk to the nxe! see the trees fall!
The axe, us it swings, has a song for all!
So the axe toils on, by sun and star,
Under the woodman's hand,
Plank and rafter and mast and spar
Gome forth at his command.
And the world wags on in peace and strife,
With laughter and tears for ad,
And the song of the axe is the song of Life,
And we—are the trees that fall.
Hark to the axe! see how they fall!
The axe, as it swings, has a song for all!
—[F. E. Weatbeily.
SECURING THE CONTRACT.
BY A. 11. GIBSON.
A slender girl about twelve years old,
with dark hair and eyes, was watering
some thirsty morning-glory vines, which
she was trying to train up the sides of
her dugout home.
4< Callie!" called a man's weak voice
from within.
Dropping the basin of water, she en
tered the dugout. On a home-made bed
in one corner lay a man of about thirty
nine years, his face was flushed with
fever.
4< Do you want anything, Pupa?" she .
asked, approaching the couch, and i
stroking the dark hair away from the I
hot brow with her cold, dump fingers.
"It's almost time for you to go and
drive up Bossy, isn't it?" he asked, look
ing up tenderly into the child's face.
44 Yes, Papa. llow are you feeling j
now?"
"A little easier. The fever is going
down slowly. You may give me u sup
of water, then go and get Bossy."
She gave him a drink in her own little
tin cup, the best drinking vessel which
their humble habitation afforded, then
she ran out back of the dugout to where
the horses were lariated on tho rank
prairie grass.
Slipping the lariat rope oft* Dolly's
neck, Callie put a bridle 011 tho gentle
creature's head, led her to tho side of a
ravine, jumped lightly to a seat on her
back, and dushed away across the
prairie.
The sun was just setting when she
found the cow and started her toward
home. As sho emerged from a little
thicket, fringing a stream, a horseman
drew rein before her.
Hello, sissy!" was his coarse greet
ing.
He was a tall, stoutly-built, middle
aged man, with a burly face and rod
bristling hair and beard. He was coarse
ly dressed, and wore immense spurs at
tached to the heels of his heavy boots.
Altogether the man presented anything
but a ploasing appearance, and it was
very evident from the expression which
flitted across Callie's countenance that
tho encounter was u disagreeable one to
her.
"Good morning, Mr. Simmons," she re
turned 11 little coolly, starting hor pony
around him.
' 4 l low s your pap?" he inquired, keep- I
ing after her.
"lie's havihg the chills and fever !
again," she replied, shortly.
"It can't bo very healthy on your
claim. I'd try to persuade your pap
away, if I was you. You'd bettor leave 1
the claim anyway."
"But I guess wo won't, for we like our j
claim," she returned, with flashing eyes.
"Pap says he will have better health 1
when he gets used to the climate. Go'
on, Bossy!" she said to the cow that had '
stopped to graze.
Without looking behind her she hur
ried away toward the dugout, leaving the
man gazing after her with an evil light
fti his yellowish gray eyes.
" That gal's a smart one, an' will bo n
hard one to head oil'. I reckon, for a small
one. But her dad's bein' sick gives me
u good time to strike, if I can only git
Jim Dawkins to help me. I'll go an' see
him, ' and lie rode rapidly away in an op
posite direction.
Abel Norris and his little daughter
Callio, the only remaining member of
his family, had come from lowa that
spring. The long journey had been
made in a large covered wagon, and thev
had settled 011 a claim in .Southeastern
Kansas.
This was in 1869, just after the fam
ous Joy land excitement, and parts of
the country were entirely new and un
settled.
They had some trouble with Bill Sim
mons, u quarrelsome character who lived
en 1 hunderbolt Greek and was known as
one of the worst agitators among the
anti-Joy settlers. Ho asserted a prior
claim to the land taken by Mr. Norris.
But there was not the slightest evidence
of former occupancy, and Simmons be
ing unablo to show a title to the land
Mr. Norris refused to give up the claim.
1 nhocding the threats of Simmons, ho
went to work and constructed a dugout
in tho hunk of a deep ravine.
When Simmons saw that the new set-
tler was not so easily scared off by fals<
statements of former ownership, he hac
declared that he would organize a gun/,
and set Norris and his etiild out. Bui
the uuin from lowa wus a brave one, anc
paifl 110 attention to the threats.
When Gallic returned to the dugoui
nlie milked the cow and prepared a littU
s ipper. After her simple houiehoh
duties had been attended to she sat dowi
by her father's couch and fanned bin
until ho fell asleep.
1 hen, going to the door of the dugout
the looked out. Night had closed in ov<
the prairies, and a thousand stars frou
the deep blue vault above her seernei
smiling and coquetting with the myriad
of wild flowers all around. A soft wim
Btirred the morning-glory vines by lie
nide, then died away among the wild in
digo and rosin weeds down tho ravine.
"Poor Papa!" she said, pityingly, a?
the gazed at his thin face, looking so
pale and death-like in sleep. " 1 must
ret some fresh water before I go to sleep,
10 lie can have a good, cold drink when
oe wakes up."
So saying she took a small tin bucket
ind quietly atole from the dugout, about
-hroo hundred yurils from which a clear
ittlo spring issued from the rocky side
f the ratine.
I Sk reached the spring and had just
filled her bucket with the cold, delieious
! water, when she heard horsemen ap
proaching up the ravine.
A cMla's natural timidity caused her
to dart behind a thick chuinp of bushes
and wait for the riders to pass.
Instead of riding on, however, they
halted by the spring, only a tew feet
from Collie's retreat, and begun talking.
Peering between the leaves of her covert,
her keen eves could dimly make out the
outlines of two men. She was not long
in recognizing them. They were Bill
Simmons and Jim Dawkins, men who
were not friendly to her father.
44 1 like the looksof it, 'returned Daw
kins. 44 You're sure there's coal hero ?" .
44 Yes; I've prospected all along this I
ravine, before 010 Norris come out to this
kentry. I tell you, Jim, for a fact, the
whole place is underlaid with coal.
There's a fortune in it for the owner, an'
the railroad's comin' near here, an' will
muke easy transportation," assured Siin-
I mons.
44 Does ole Norris know there's coal on
his claim?"
"Don t think he does. You know he's
been sick most of the time since he come
into the kentry. an' he hain't had much
time to look around."
"No, he huin't been hero long. But
how do you propose gittin' the claim
away from him?" asked Dawkins.
"Contract ahead of him."
"Huin't he contracted for the claim
yet?"
"No."
44 Are you sure, Bill?"
"I've beon watching tho land office
purty clost, an' 1 know Norris huin't got
u contract yet for this land."
44 Why don't you contract for the
claim yourself, without uskin' my help?"
asked Dawkins a little suspiciously.
44 Simply because I hain't got money
enough to pay for gittin' the contruct,"
replied Simmons. "I have 'bout half
enough. I reckon. But you have plenty
of spondulix, Jim, an' kin help me if you
will. We kin ride over to Fort Scott an'
git a contraet writ out for this claim be
fore ole Norris kin help himself. He's
down with the shukin' nger, his little gal
says, so wo have the best chance in the
world."
' "How soon can you bo ready to sturt
for Scott to git tho contract? I want to
start to Missouri to-morrow."
44 I'll tell you wot we kin do. We'll
start to Scott before sunrise, git the agent
to attend to our business early, then you
kin go right on to Missoury. I'll ride
back to the Thunderbolt an' muster up a
gang to help mo set ole Norris off of tho
claim."
"The very thing, Bill I'm with you an'
will furnish you all tho money you
need."
They rode awav in the darkness, leav
ing Callie alone by the spring to think
overall she had heard.
"110 shan't got papa's claim!" she
cried, her eyes Hashing resolutely, as
she returned to tho dugout. "Papa's
been going to see the agent about tho con
tract twice, and both times he has been
taken sick. It's too bad!"
< >ll reaching the dugout she found her
father awake, so she told him about tho
conversation which she had overheard be
tween Simmons and Dawkins.
"So this is a valuable coal claim, is it,
and Simmons has been prospecting on
it?" Norris repeated, when Callie had
finished. "That accounts for Bill Sim-
I moils' great efforts to scare mo off the
land. And ho and Jim Dawkins are go
ing to take advantage of my sickness
and contract under mo, are they? Karly J
to-morrow morning! Why, we have no <
chance at all, Callie. They will get the
claim from us in spite of all we can do,"
| ho said, despondently.
4 'No they won't, Papa! There's a
chance yet," cried Callie, springing to
j her feet.
I "I know, if I was able to ride uhead
of them to the land office," said Norris,
with a groan. "But I am too weak to
travel that far if tho prize was tho whole
of Kansas. We'll have to let the villains
have it, Callie. A sick man can't tight,
his enemies."
"But we won't let them have it, Papa.
I can ride Dolly to the land office und tell
tho ugent about it."
"It is too long a ride for you, my
child," said the sick man. "Besides, my
presence would bo necessary to secure
tho contract; then I haven't money
enough to pay down. There's only $250
under that rock."
"I'll tell you, papa," she cried, eager
ly. "Lot me take that to the land agent,
tell him the story, and maybe he'll keep
the claim for us till you can pay the rest.
l)o lot me try, papa* It will do no harm,
and 1 may save your claim. I can start
on Dolly long before daylight and beat
Bill Simmons and Jim Dawkins to Fort
, Scott. You must let me go, Papa."
j She was only a little girl, and it was
fifteen miles to the land office. It seemed
a difficult, fruitless undertaking for her
to try to outwit two bold, reckless men,
who were so obstinately bent on getting
the claim away from them.
Callie went over the situation very
carefully with her father. At last, see
ing how determined she was on trying to
save the claim, he gave a reluctant con
sent to her going.
She began making preparations for her
journey, which were soon completed.
Then seating herself by her father's
j couch she listened very attentively to his
instructions.
The moon came up soon after mid
night. Its light would relieve her long,
lonesome ride.
Taking the $250 from beneath a large,
flat rock by her father's bed, she con
cealed it in the bosom of her dress. Then
kissing her father, and bidding him not
worry about her, she left the dugout and
mounted Dolly, who stood bridled and
saddled, waiting to carry her young mis
tress on her mission.
.She started across the prairie at a brisk
trot. The moon shed a deep, golden
' light over the August-parched grass, and
chased away the dark shadows down the
lonely hollows that yawned across her
path, ller horse startled the birds asleep
in the grass, and sent them flitting wildly
away in the night.
She started nervously when Dolly
shied as a coyote ran howling down a
rocky ravine. Every sound held a
nameless terror for the little girl, but she
kept bravely on. The sound of a mock
ing bird trilling 011 a cottonwood by the
roadside re-assured and encouraged her.
The rosy flush of early dawn was just
lighting tlie hills around Fort Scott as
Gallic reached the outskirts of the place.
W itli strangely throbbing heart the
little girl, tired and pale from her sleep
less night and long ride, urged Dolly for
ward down the smooth, dusty road.
Some men were already at work,
breaking rock to repair a bad place in u
deep, ugly hollow across which one of
tho leading streets of the growing town
must pass.
Halting Dolly she inquired the way to
tho land office. Ihe men exchanged
peculiar glances, hut one of them pointed
out the building where tho land airent
had his office.
Thanking him for the information, she
r<de e a, but found the agent not yet in
his office.
The man who served as janitor, wtic
ing the little girl's look of disappoint
ment. and guessing that her business was
very important, kindly offered to take
her to the hotel where the agent
boarded.
The agent had just finished his break
fust when they reached the hotel. Ks
corting Callie to the parlor, he listened
with sympathy to her simple story.
"Papa said I couldn't get the con
tract.' she said, finishing her story; "but
I thought maybe you'd take this money
and hold the contract for us—for Papa,
I mean. Do please keep our claim for
us, and don't let those had men get it.
Both times Pupu was coining to see you
about the claim ho was taken down sick
with chills and fever. He will have more
money to pay you in a few weeks. He
sold a lot of cattle back in lowa, before
we moved to Kansas."
Taking her back to his office the agent
wrote out a receipt for the $250, saying:
"Here, you keep this receipt, and take it
to your papa, and as soon as ho is able
tell him to conic to town to seo me. Do
not worry. Your bravo ride has secured
the claim to your father."
Callie had just taken the receipt from
the agent's hand, when Bill Simmons and
bis ally, with flushed faces and polluted
breuth, rushed into the office. As they
stalked toward the agent's desk, neither
of them noticed the little girl who shrunk
away with fear und loathing.
Tho agent, with a queer smile on his
face, nmde a pretense of respectful at
tention us Simmons stated his buisncss.
"There," said Simmons, laying a roll
of bills on the desk, "is the spondulix
topayforthe contract. Fix it up as
soon us you can, for there's a mean feller
from loway, who's tryin' to git the
eluiin awuy from me an' my parduer
here."
44 You state there are no improvements
on the claim," remarked the agent.
"There's no improvements, 'ceptin' a
little dugout where ine an' Jim here lives,"
returned Simmons.
"I have been informed differently," re
plied the agent.
44 Whoever has told you different from
my account, lies, that's ull!" Simmons
cried, hotly.
"I happen to be a pretty fair judge of
human nature, and 1 would be willing,
were it necessary, to stake the entire
State of Kansas on the truthfulness of
my informant."
"Well, now who informed you?" de
manded the half-intoxicated Simmons.
"She!" and tho agent pointed to Callie
who stood in the farthest corner of tho
offioe, almost fearing to stir. Having
outwitted her father's enemies, her
strength seemed to huvo suddenly for
saken her.
"The dickens!" cried the suprisedSiin
mons. "It's ole Norris's gal;" and ho lot
fall a horrid oath.
"Yes," returned the agent, his queer
smile broadening; "you are too late.
This little girl told me her story first, and
has secured tho contract for the claim in
question. You are outwitted; and I may
as well assure you right here that our
county is not in need of your citizenship.
I wish you good-morning, gentlemen!"
With mock dignity the agent dismissed
the chagrined plotters, who stalked out
of the office with discomfited looks,
mounted their horses und rode rapidly
down the street.
Callie reached the dugout safe, under
the escort of a man sent by tho agent to
inspect a pieco of land near her father's
claim.
Callie's dauntless courage and triumph
acted us a powerful tonic on the sick
man , and ho recovered his health rapidly.
When he received payment for the
stock sold before leaving his former home
Abel Xorris went to the land office and
brought back a title to the claim.
Simmons and Hawkins left the country
and took up their abode somewhere in
the Indian Territory.
Xorris's claim proved valuable for its
fine coal deposits and brought him a snug
amount of money.
Callie, now a refined, educated woman,
lives in Southeastern Kansas in a coui
t'ortablo home of her own; but she has
not forgotten the old dugout and the
night she rode to Fort Scott to save her
father's claim.—[New York Independent.
Woods of Croat Value.
Tho inexhaustible forests of Brazil
abound in woods of great value. Some
of tho most beautiful and precious of
them are entirely unknown in this coun
try ami in Europe. A catalogue has been
compiled of 2*2,000 species of woods
found in the valley of the Amazon alone.
Tho best known of these are rosewood,
satin wood and shell wood, from which
exquisite shell-like articles are made.
But these afford merely a suggestion of
the riches stored in the trees of Brazil.
Among tho medicinal plants of the
Amazon valley may be mentioned ipo
cacuanha. polycarp, cubeb, nux vomica
and tho "woorari," from which the na
tives extract poison for their arrows.
On tho Atlantic coast grow ungelica and
ncapu trees, which resist the efforts of
that enemy of naval construction, the
I teredo. The forests abound in plants
producingtextile fibers. "Brazil wood,"
which gave its name to the country, was
once largely exported for the dyeing es
tablishments of Europe, but *the dis
covery of cheaper aniline dyes has de
prived it of its importance in commerce.
The lovely vinhatico, so much employed
in the country described for furniture
and cabinet work, is destined to become
widely known and generally utilized. Its
shaded yellow coloring makes it remark
able among woods. Guttapercha, which
of late has gone up so much in price, is
obtained in Brazil from two species of
| trees.—[Washington Star.
A. Tame Humming Bird
John Bruso, druggist on Leicester
street, Worcester, Muss., Imsin his store
the most diminutive pot on record. It is
n humming bird and is so tame that it
feeds readily from Mr. Bruso's hand, al
ways poising in the air and never showing
a disposition to alight while partaking of
food. Although very fond of sweets it
will not touch honey, but eagerly sips
quantities of rock syrup from a quill that
is kept "loaded" for that purpose. It is
also fond of Hies and spiders, and Mr.
Bruso has so far been unable to deter
mine whether it takes rock syrup for its
principal diet and Hies by the way of
walnuts or vice versa. The merry little
hummer has the freedom of the store, but
lis favorite perch is on the branch of the
gas pipe over the soda fountain, from
which vantage point it not infrequently
surprises a customer by darting forth
and dipping its slender beak into the glass
from which lie is drinking. The bird has
been in Bruso s possession more than
throe weeks and is of a social nature,
showing in many ways its fondness for
company. Particularly is this feature
manifested when the storo is first entored
in the morning.--[St. Louis Star-Say
ings.
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AXI> YARNS BY FI NNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Consistent in All Things—Something
Turned Up—A Smart Young Mun—
It Depends—The Winter Girl, Etc.,
Etc.
CONSISTENT IN ALL THINGS.
The Rev. Mr. Blank (at the rehearsal
•f the wedding ceremony, to the groom)
—And now. Mr. Canvas, have you the
ring?
Mr. Canvas—Yes, sir; three of 'em.
"Why, you don't need three rings!"
"1 know it; but you see I'm in the
circus biz, an' I thought 't would bo a
purty good ad for my show to have three
rings used in the ceremony. See?"—
[Medina Gist.
HOMF.TIIINQ TURNED UF.
Kind Lady—Why do you stand here
so long, my poor man?
Trump—l'm waiting for something to
turn up.
Kind Lady—l'd like to help you, but I
can't. Here's five ceuts, all the change 1
have.
Tramp—Thankee, mum.
Kind Lady—Do you think anything
will turn up?
'Tramp—Y'os, indeed, mum. Follow
me around the corner, mum, an'you'll see
u beer-glass turn up. —[Good News.
A SMART YOUNG MAN.
Applicant—l wish to get a place for u
smart young inun.
Employor—A friend of yours, I sup
pose?
Applicant —Yes, sir; a very good
friend.
Employer—You can vouch for his
übility, I presume.
Applicant- -His übility is Al.
Employer—Tell hiui to come to work
in the morning.
Applicant—All right, sir; I'll be on
hand ready to work in the morning. Good
day, sir.—[Yankee Blade.
IT DEPENDS.
Willie—Pupa, how much does a rod
measure?
Mr. Billus (retrospectively and some
what bitterly) —lt* you sign the contract
without looking at it closely, my son, it
measures when you come to pay for it
about WW feet, and as a protection
against lightning it isn't worth a—it isn't
worth—run out now and play, my son.—
[Chicago Tribune.
THE WINTER GIRL.
Now the dainty winter girl
Sets my brain once more a whirl;
Smiling from her mass of fur—
What has earth to equal her?
ONE KIND OF A MAN.
He cringes and bends to the men who
employ him,
And meekly takes insults and slights,
And never finds fault with the things
that annoy him,
Or stands like a man for his rights.
But he can bo arrogant, too, when he
chooses
To people life's chances huvo placed
In his power, and his meek little wife he
abuses
When the cooking is not to his taste.
—[New York Press.
AS THEY MEET ON THE STREET.
Augustus—Ah. Cholly, what an old
pirrte Carlotta's father is !
Cholly (still suffering)— Yes—a regu
lar freebooter.—[The Ledger.
GOOD AH A SELF-WINDER.
Stranger—Have you any self-winding
watches?
Jeweler—Self-winding?
"Yes, something that will wind itself,
you know. My wife bus been pestering
ino for a new watch, but I know she'll
never remember to wind it after the first
night, and it will rust out, just like the
old one."
"I have nothing of that kind; but I
have a patent phonogruphio watch which
shouts 'Wind mo,' at the proper time
every night."
"That won't do. My wife'll just say
'ln a minute,' and then forget all about
it. I'll tell you what wo want. Y'ou fix
it so that when it needs winding it will
start up and whistle 'Comrades' until sho
attends to it."—[New York Weekly.
T.I BY WERE INTELLIGENT.
"Well, how do you like our village?"
asked a nativo of a rural hamlet, ad
dressing a gentleman who had recently
taken up his residence in the community.
"I haven't had much time to form an
opinion yet," was the rather evasive
ro p'y- „ ,
"Do you find our people intelligent—
quick of perception?"
"Intelligent—quick of perception! I
should say they are. They already know
more about my affairs than 1 do myself."
—[Now York Press.
HE PLAYED HIS PART.
Front Hank—l had to laugh at Quick
step in the sham battle.
Rightwheel Why?
Front Rank—When he was killed he
said, " O, death, where is thy sting?"
ONE ON HIOKR.
"It isn't square," said Mawson, pet
ulantly.
"What isn't?" queried Hicks.
"A cirolo," replied Mawson, his pet
ulance disappearing.
NAMING A FART HOUSE.
"A fast horse, is he?"
"'Trot's like a streak of greased light
ning."
"Well, that's fast enough. What do
you call hiin?"
"What Ma Says."
"What Ma Says! 'That's a strange
namo. Why do you call him that?"
"Because what ma says goes."
BCIIOOL-IIOOK PROGRESS.
School-book Publisher—Hooray! I
have found it! Send a printer here!
Start the presses! We'll got out a new
and revised sot of school-books! Hoop
la !
Superintendent —What have you
found, sir?
Publisher—A now way to pronounce
an old word.—[Street's Good News.
NO ATTRACTION FOR THE POLICEMAN.
First Burglar—l think we might give
old Bullion, the banker's place, a tifal
to-night. He has discharged his female
cook and hired a man in her place. His
house should be a safe one to crack now.
Second Burglar—Why is it safer
than when he had a female cook?
First Burglar—Because there ain't
likely to be any policeman hanging
around the house now.—[New York
Press T
TRANSFERRED.
The garden gato has ceased of late
A load of lovo to boar,
But/ double weight is now the fute
(M many a parlor chair.
GIVING HER A LESSON.
Cora—.John, can't you take me to the
theatre to-night?
.bdn (crabbedly)—No, I can't, and
won7; don't ask mo.
Cora (astonished) —What do you mean,
sir. speaking to me that way?
John—You said you'd ho a sister to
me, and I'm treating you a• if you were.
—[New York Herald.
WOMAN'S ANCESTOR.
Alice—Do you believe man sprung
froin the ape?
Jumbo—No; but I believe woman
sprung from a mouse; in fact, I've seen
her do it.
HELD THE LIGHT.
"Mr. Lightemup. you said you once
officiated in a pulpit. Do you mean by
that that you preached?"
"No, your Honor; I held the light for
the man what did."
"Ah! The Court understood you dif
ferently. It supposed that the discourse
came froin you."
"No. sir; I only throw'd a little light
on it."—[New York Press.
DOUUI.Y DEFINED.
Tommy—What is a "running ac
count?" Pti suys it's an account mer
chants have to keep of their customers
that are in the habit of running away
from paying their bills.
I'ncle—That's one definition of it.
Tommy—ls there another?
I'ncle—Y'es. A running account is,
in some instances, uu account that gets
tired out running after u while, and then
it becomes a standing obligation.—[Bos
ton Courier.
A SAD END.
"How's that black and tan dog of
yours?"
"Dead."
"Dead?"
"Y'es. Swallowed a bunch of wutch
keys and they wound him up."—[Brook
lyn Life.
ONLY IIEU BROTHER.
Ho—l think I have a right to an ex
planation. Y'ou permitted a young man
to kiss you at the party last ovening.
Sho—lt was only my brother.
He—Your brother?
She—Yes; young Smith. lie pro
posed to me onoe, and I promised to be a
sister to hiin.—[New Y'ork Press.
A LITTLE DRAWBACK.
"Dick Skinner says marriage is a fuii
uro."
"A failure? I thought he married a
fortune?"
"Yes—but the girl that went with it
has suspended payment."
LEAVING WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
"Y'ou admire Miss Sweote very much,
I hear."
"I do."
"I suppose you will try to got to be
better acquainted with her now?"
"No. I probably shouldn't admire her
if I were better acquainted with her."
REVERSING IT.
Mrs. Bloombumpnr- There is an Amer
ican in Kugland who claims to be able to
make gold.
Bloombuinper—That's odd. General
ly Englishmen come to this country to
do that.
THE TELL TALE EVIDENCE.
Mother —I think our John is courting
some girl.
Father —Hey? Is ho beginning to
have vaseline on his hair?
Mother -No; he is beginning to have
it on his shirt bosom.—[New York Press.
BELIEVED HIM.
Cora—Didn't you think he was trying
to Hatter you when he said you were beau
tiful as an angel?
Dora—No.
"Why?"
"Because I thought so myself."
The Crazy Ball.
Street pedlors have a new catchpenny
device on their trucks that is quite an
amusing thing for old as well us young
folks. They call it the "crazy ball,"
and it is well named. For ten cents you
can buy one of these things and see tho
laws of gravity defied. It looks like an
ordinary wooden ball, about the sizo of
a tennis ball, but you can't roll it in a
straight line to save you. Of course tho
secret of the thing's queer actions lie in
the fact that it is loaded on one side.
This makes every movement of the ball
eccentric. If will roll up hill of its own
accord, and it will refuse to roll down
hill. If you try to roll it from you it
will perhaps start out all right and then
turn around and roll back, or maybe it
will go offsidewise and describe a wobbly
circle around you. All its movements
arc jerky and spasmodic. Give it to a
kitten to play with and the chances arc
that the kitten will go mad, while a baby
will cry with vexation over its eccentrici
ties. A grown person who is not up in
spherical geometry will assure you that
it is wonderful. It is not. It is only
some sharp fellow's way of gathering in
the dimes. Nevertheless ere long tho
city will ho flooded with these "crazy
bulls."—[New York Herald.
A Life of Magnificence.
'The foreigners in the far Fast live in
a magnificence hardly known to the
Western world. The dwellings of the
members of the various silk and tea
firms arc real palaces in themselves, and
as servant hire costs almost nothing, the
retinue ot' attendants is so great that
many European Courts could not com
pete with them. Upon inquiring of sev
eral of the ownors of those establish
ments why they were conducted upon
such an elaborate seulo, the writer was
informed that "when one comes East and
hurries himself for purposes of gain in
this country, lie gives up all civilized
pleasures, attachments to which one is
bred, and unless he lives in this style,
there is really nothing to live for."—
[New York Times.
The Hennepin Canal.
It is reported that active steps are
taking to push the condemnation suits
begun to acquire for the Government ti
tle to the land noccssury for the building
of the llcnnopiu Canal, which is pro
jected to connect the Illinois River at
Peoria with the Mississippi at the mouth
of Rock River. The route of the canal
is ninety miles long, and the Government
lias already secured possession of a con
siderable portion ot the right of way.
'There is $500,000 now available for the
work of building the canal, and it will
begin as soon as the right of way is se
cure. The canal is to be eighty feet
wide and thirteen feet deep, and will ad
mit the largest river steumboats to Peo
ria. [Picayune.
PETER TIMONY,
BOTTLER,
And Dealer in all kinds of
Liquors, Beer and Porter,
Temperance Drinks,
Etc., Etc.
Geo.Ringler&Co.'s
Celebrated LAGER BEER put
in Patent Sealed Bottles here
on the premises. Goods de
livered in any quantity, and to
any part of the country.
FREELAND BOTTLING WORKS,
Cor. Centre and Carbon Sta.. Freeland.
(Near Lehigh Valley Depot.)
H. M. BRISLIN,
UNDERTAKER
AND
Also dealer In
FURNITURE
of every description.
Centre Street, above Luzerne, Freeland.
The Most Successful Remedy ever discov
ered, as It is certain in its effects and does not
blister. Read proof below :
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE.
BILVKRKON, Pa., Nov. 27, DO.
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO. :
Gents—l would like to make known to those who
are almost persuaded to UHcKeudaU's Spavin Cure
the fact that I think It is a most excellent Liniment.
I have used it on a BIOIMI Spavin. The horse went on
three legs for three years when 1 commenced to
use your Kendall's Spavin Cure. I used teu bot
ties on the horse uud have worked him for three
years since ami has not beeu lame.
Yours truly, WM. A. CURL.
GERMANTOWN, N. Y., Nov. 2,1859.
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO..
Enoshurgh Palls, Vt.
Gents: In praise of Kendall's Spavin Cure I will
say. thatayearauo I hud a vuluablo young horse be
come very lame, bock enlarged ami swollen. The
horsemen about liere(we have no Veterinary Sur
geon here) pronounced his lameness Blood Spavin
or Thorough pin, they all told me there was no
cure for it, he became about useless, and I con
sidered him almost worthless. A friend told me of
the merits of your Kendall's Spavin Cure, so I
thought a bottle, anil I could see very plainly great
Improvements Immediately from its use.aml before
the bottle was used up I was satisfied that, it was
doing him a great deal of good. I bought a second
bottle and before It was used up my horse was
cured and has been in the team doing heavy work
all the season since Inst April, showing no more
signs of it. 1 consider your Kendall's Bpavin Cure
a valuable medicine, and it should be iu every
stable in the land. Respectfully yours,
EUGENE DEWITT.
Price $1 per bottle, or six bottles for $". All drug
gists have It or can get it for you, or it will be sent
to any address on receipt of price by the proprie
tors. OK. IS. J. KENDALL CO.,
KnoNburgh Falls, Vermont.
SOLD BY ALL intl'QmSTS.
A. RUDEWICK,
GENERAL STORE.
SOUTH HEBERTON, PA.
Clothing. Groceries, Etc., Etc.
Agent for the sale of
PASSAGE TICKETS
From nil the principal points in Europe
to all points in the {Jnited States.
Agent for the transmission of
MONEY
To all parts of Europe. Checks, Drafts,
ami Letters of Exchange on Foreign
Ronlra .■ w>.,■.i reasonable rales.
S. RUDEWICK,
Wholesale Dealer In
Imported Brandy, Wine
And All Kinds Of
LIQUORS.
THE BEST
Beer,
Porter,
-A-le -£>_ nd.
Bro-wn Stout.
Foreign and Domestic.
Cigars Kept on Hand.
S. RUDEWICK,
SOUTH HEBERTON.
A pamphlet of information andab-^OV
il 1 ® ■bowing Ilofr ioH
Obtain Patents, Caveat a. TrudejS^^
-Marks. Copyrights, oni Irct./MEm
MUNN A
Broadway.
v nr*-
YOU ARE INVITED
To call and inspect our im.
mense stock of
DRY GOODS,
Groceries, Provisions,
FURNITURE, Etc.
Our store is full of the new
est assortment. The prices are
the lowest. All are invited to
see our goods and all will be
pleased. '
J. P. McDonald,
8. W. Corner Centre null South Bte„ Freeland.
FERRY~& CHRISTY,
dealers in
Stationary, School Books,
Periodicals, Song Books, Musical
Instruments,
CIGARS and TOBACCO,
SPORTING GOODS
Window Fixtures and Shades, Mirrors,
Pictures and Frames made to order.
Pictures enlarged and Framed.
Crayon Work a Specialty.
NEWSPAPER SSSsB,
infflfflltiteSiH'S"
rhe name of every newspaper published, hav
ing u circulation rating in the American News- j
impel- Directory of more than 25,000 copies each
issue, with the cost per line for advertising in
them. A list of the best papers of local circula
tion, In every city and town of more than 5,000
population with prices by the inch lor one
month. Special lists of daily, country, village
and cluss papers. Bargain offers of value to
small advertisers or those wishing to experi
ment judiciously with a small amount of money.
Shows conclusively "how to get the most ser
vice for the money," etc., etc. Sent post paid
to any address for GO cents. Address, GEO. P.
HOWELL A Co.. Publishers and General Adver
tising Agents, 10 Spruce Street. New York City.
0 C. D. ROHRBACH,
Dealer in
Hardware, Paints, Varnish,
Oil, Wall Paper, Mining
Tools and mining Sup- '
plies of all kinds, V
Lamps, Globes, Tinware, Etc. |
Having purchased the stock
of Wm. J. Eckert and added a
considerable amount to the 1
present stock I am prepared to
sell at prices that defy compe
tition.
Don't forget to try my special
brand of MINING OIL.
Centre Street, Freeland Fa.
E. M. GERITZ,
23 years in Germany and America, opposite
the Central Hotel, Centre Street, Freelaed. The
Cheapest Repairing Store in town.
Watches. Clocks and Jewelry.
New Watches, Clocks and *
Jewelry on hand for the Holi.
days; the lowest cash price in \
town. Jewelry repaired in
short notice. All Watch Re
pairing guaranteed for one
year.
Eight Day Clocks from $3.00
to $13.00; New Watches from
$4.00 up.
E. M. GERITZ,
Opposite Central Hotel, Contro St., Fr* >land.
I
GO TO
Fisher Bros.
Livery Stable
FOR
FIRST-CLASS TURNOUTS
At Short Notice, for Weddings, Parties and
Funerals. Front Street, two squares
below Freeland Opera House.
r ~ JOB
PRINTING
3XXOUTXD AT THIB OFF!OS AT
|
Lowest Living Prices.
. Cm! COAL!
The undersigned has been appoint- j
ed agent for the sale of G. B. Murkle !
& Co.'s
Highland Goal, I
The quality of the Highland Coal 1
needs no recommendation, being hand
picked, thoroughly screened and free
from slate, makes it desirable for
Domestic purposes. All orders left
at the TRIBUNE office will receive A
prompt attention. j
Price $3.75 per two-horse wagon I
load. T. A. BUCKLEY, Agent. -I