HOVER'S SERMON.
It was Saturday night, near the close of the
year,
And the "glass" stood at twenty or so;
The wind moaned without iu a manner moßt
drear
Over five or six inchea of snow.
By the stove sut the parson, with visage
severe;
The dog lay asleep in its glow.
"Oh, dear!" said the paison, with deepening
frown,
"This life's but a wearisome jog;
Bix hundred a year, and from rich Deacon
Brown
An occasional gift of a log!
I must curtail expenses," and here lie looked
down
At the slumbering form of the dog.
"Rover's pretty well worn, from his ears to
his tail,
Though time to his teeth has been kind;
I have tried bard to lose him, each time but
to fail -
From Jamaica his home he could find!
It is out of the question to put him 011 sale.
For he's lazy aud old and hulf blind."
He finished his sermon—"Contentment" the
theme, 1
One of which many grumblers are fond.
"Yes, I'll do it," he said, " 'tis a desperate '
scheme,
But he's grown my poor income beyond; '
He's a penchant for eggs und cold mutton
and cream,
80 to-morrow he goes in the pond!"
In the morning the parson, who roso with '
the duwn,
Took his coffee and bit of cold pork,
While the dog asked for hreakfust, with *
looks most forlorn,
As plainly us though he could talk;
Bnt funeral meats are for those left to |
mourn,
80 his muster suggested a walk.
With his sermon and Bible, his hat and his 1
stick, '
A couple of bricks in his coat,
And a shoe luce of leutlier, as strong and as ,
thick c
As e'er bound a faithful dog'sthroat, I j.
He led the procession, with stride Jong and j
quick, h
To the pond with its primitive boat. [
A film of young ice stretched from bank unto
bank,
Cold spot for poor Rover to sleep!
His "dear muster's" fuee seemed BO kind and
so (rank
That he entered the boat with a leap;
Then the parson pulled out, with the aid of (
a plank, I
To a place that was fearfully deep.
When the bricks were produced o'er the couu- f
try was sent
Buelia blood freezing sort of a yell
That his pitiless heurt seemed about to re
lent, *
But he managed his qualms to dispel,
"Goover!" he said, and "go over" he went,
But the boat toppled over as well!
Like a fisherman's sinker the clergymun
sank
With a terrible cry of alarm
That brought Deacon Brown in astonish
ment blank
With all haste from the neighboring furm,
Who wondered to see a wet dog on the bank
Intoning the fortieth psalm.
Bnt the boat topsyturvy threw light 011 the
cuse,
Brown stood o'er the dog in a trice;
Still clasping his neck in its cruel embrnce
Wns that evil intended device.
"You're in luck!" suid the deacou; he cut
through the lace,
And the noble dog sprung through the ice!
•***•
When the parson "came to" he was snug in
his bed
With the whole congregation around.
And he sobbed like a child wheu the old dea
con snid
But for Rover he'd surely been drowned.
Then they sang a sweet liymu, in which Ro
ver's voice led
In a rich diapason of sound.
When they asked for the sermon the parson
beseeched
(And his view the majority held)
That the sermon by which nil their heurts
had been reached
Take the place of "Contentment"—with- 1
held; ;
That "do unto others" poor Rover had
preached
With an eloquence rarely excelled.
—LThomas Frost iu New York Herald. '
SHE SAVED HIM.
STRANGE TALE OF A FRENCH PHYSICIAN.
I.
I once knew a woman, one of my pa
tients, now dead, to whom tin* most ex-'
truordinary thing in the world happened, I
and the most mysterious and touching.
She was a Russian, Countess Marie
Baranow, a very great lady, of exquisite
beauty. You know how beautiful the
Russians are, or, at least, how beautiful
they seem to us—with their delicate
noses, their sensitive mouths, their eyes
so close together, of an indefinable color,
a blue gray, and their cold, rather hard
charm. They have something wicked
and seductive, haughty and melting, ten
der and severe, utterly charming to a
Frenchman. At bottom, perhaps, it is
only the difference of race and blood that
mukes us see much in thoin.
ller doctor had during many years 1
known that she was threatened by a dis
ease of the chest, and endeavored to per
suade her to come to France for the win
ter. hut she obstinately refused to quit
St. Petersburg. At last, in the autumn
of last year, the doctor compelled her to
leave for Mentone.
Sin* was alone in her compartment of
the train, her servants occupying an
other. She leaned against tin? window a
little sadly, watching the country und
the villages as she whirled past, feeling
very isolated, very lonely in life.
At each station her footman, Ivan,
came to see if his mistress had every
thing she desired. He was an old ser
vant, blindly devoted, ready to obey any
order sin- might give him.
Night fell, tin- train rolled 011 at full
speed. She could not sleep, she was
totally unnerved. Suddenly the idea oc
curred to her of counting the money
given to her at the last moment in French
gold. She opened her little hag And
emptied on to her lap the glistening
stream of metal.
Hut, of a sudden, .1 breath of cold air
caught her cheek. She lifted her head
in surprise. The door opened. The
Countess Marie, in dismay, thrown shawl
< vcr the money spread out in her lap and
waited. A moment afterwards a man
appeared, bareheaded, wounded in one
hand, panting, and in evening dross.
He reclosed the door, sut down and
looked at his neighbor with a glittering
eye, then wrapped his wrist in a hand
kerchief.
The poor woman felt faint with fright.
This man must have seen her counting
her money, and had come to kill her and
steal it.
I He still fixed his gaze upon her,breath
less, his face drawn, evidently waiting
to spring upon her.
lie said brusquely—
"Madame, have no fear."
She answered nothing, she was incap
able of opening her lips, she heard her
heart beating and a buzzing in her ears.
"I am 110 malefactor, madame," he
continued.
| Still she suid nothing, but in a sudden
movement she made her knees kuockcd
together and the money poured on to the
carpet like water from a spout.
'I he man stared in surprise at this flow
of gold, and at once stooped to gather it
up.
She, terrified, rose, casting all her gold
on the carpet, and rushed to the door to
throw herself on to the line. Hut he per
ceived her intention, sprang up, seized
her in his arms, and forced her on to the
seat, holding her by the wrists.
"Listen to me, madame. I am 110
thief. As a proof lam going to gather
up this money and restore it to you. But
1 am a lost man, a dead man, unless you
help mo to pass the frontier. I can tell
you no more. In one hour we shall be
at the hist Russian station, in one hour
and twenty minutes we shall be 011 the
other side of the boundaries of the em
pire. Unless you aid me lam lost. And
yet, madame, I have neither killed nor
stolen, nor done anything dishonorable.
That I swear to you. 1 can tell you no
more."
And, going down on his knees, ho col
lected the money, feeling under the
seats, and looking into the furthest cor-
Thon, when the little leather hag was
once more full, he handed it to his neigh
bor without a word and returned to his
seat in another corner of the carriage.
Neither moved. She sat motionless
and mute, still faint with fright, but re
covering little by little.
As to him, he moved no muscle, he sat
erect, his eyes fixedly looking straight
before him, very pale, as though he were
dead. Every now and then she threw
him a glance, which was quickly averted.
He was a man of about thirty, very
handsome, with every appearunce of be
ing a gentleman.
The train tore through the darkness,
throwing its ear-piercing whistles into
the night, now slackening speed, now off
again at its fastest. Then it calmed its
flight, whistled several times, and stopped
altogether.
Ivan appeared at the door to take
orders. Ihe Countess Mario looked for
the last time at her strange companion.
Then in a voice brusque and trembling,
said to her servant:
"Ivan, you will return to the Count. I
have no further need of your services."
Amazed, the man openod his enormous
eyes. 11c stammered—
"But—but—"
She continued:
"No, you need not come. I have
changed my mind. I wish you to stay in
Russia, llere, hero is money for the
journey. Give me your cap and mantle."
The old servant, bewildered, took off
his cap and mantle, with unquestioning
obodioncc, accustomed to the sudden
whims and strange caprice of his mis
tress. He walked away with the toars
in his eyes.
The train started again, racing to the
frontier.
Then the Countess Marie said to her
companion:
"These things are for you, monsieur;
you are Ivan, my servant. I make hut
one condition; it is that you will never
speak to me, that you will say no word
to thank 1110 on any pretext whatever."
The stranger bowed without a word.
Soon a fresh halt was made, and the
officials in uniform entered the train.
The Countess handed them the papers,
and pointing to the man seated in the
far end of the carriage:
"My servant, Ivan, hero is the pass
port."
The train sturted again.
During the whole of the night they
remained tete-a-tete, dumb both.
In the morning, on stopping at a Ger
man station, the stranger alighted. Then
standing by the door, he said—
"Paraon me, madame, that I break my
promise, but I have deprived you of
your servant; it is only fair that I
should replace him. Is there anything
you require?"
She replied coldly—
"Go and send my maid."
He went. Then disappeared. When
over she alighted at a refreshment-room
she saw him watching her from a dis
tance. In duo course they arrived at
Mentono.
11.
One day, as I was receiving my pa
tients in my study, I saw a tall man ;
, enter. "Doctor," ho said, "I come to >
j ask news of the Countess Marie Bura- j
\ now."
1 "She is beyond hope," I replied. "She
will never return to Russia."
And this man fell to sobbing; then
he urose and went out staggering
like a drunken man. That same even
ing I told the Couutoss that a stranger
had bcon to me to ask after her health.
.She seemed touched, and told mo the
talo I have just told you. She added—
"This mail, whom 1 do not know, fol
lows me like my shadow. 1 meet him
every time I go out. He looks at me I
very strangely, but he has never spoken
to me."
She reflected, and then added—
"Look, there her is, below my win
dow!"
She rose from the sofa, drew the cur
tains aside, and showed me the man who
had called upon me, sitting 011 a bench
on the promenade, his eyes raised to
the hotel. He saw us, rose and walked
away without once turning his head.
He loved with the devotion of a res
cued animul, grateful and devoted until
death. He came every day to ask me,
"llow is she?" knowing that I had
guessed. And he wept bitterly when he
had seen her pass, paler and weaker
every day.
She said to me:
"1 have spoken but once to this singu
lar man, and it seems to me 1 have known
him for years."
And when they met she returned his
bow with a grave and charming smile. I
( knew she was happy—she so lonely and
i I dying. I knew she was happy to bo
I loved with such constancy and respect,
j with this exaggerated poesy, with this
1 ! devotion ready for all hazards. And
I ! vet, faithful to her obstinate though
; I high-minded resolve, she absolutely re-
J fused to receive h'-.i, to know his name
r;01 to speak to him. She said, "No, no;
1 that would spoil our strange friendship.
• We must remain strangers to one un
l . other."
I As to him, lie was of a certainty a
1 kind of Don Quixote, for he took uo
• ! steps to approach her. He was deter
mined to keep to the letter the absurd
1 promise he? had made to her in the train.
C ! Often during the long hours of weak
ness she rose from her sofa to draw hack
the curtains and look if ho were there be
low the window. And when she had seen
him, always immovably seated 011 his
bench, she returned to her couch with a
smile on her lips.
She died one morning about G o'clock.
As I left the hotel he came to me, his
face distorted; he had already heard
the news.
"I should like to see her for a second
in your presence," he suid.
I took his bund und re-entered the
house.
When he was by the bedside of the
dead he took her hand und kissed it—a
long, long kiss. Then he tied like a
mudmun. —[The Strand Magazine.
PATCHWORK FARMING.
The Italian Agriculturist n Poor
Specimen of u Land User.
Everything is cultivated in putchos in
Italy, though with less skill and thor
oughness and system than in France in
localities where the same practice ob
tains. Corn and wheat and grass and
somo sorts of vegetables are ruised in
alternate squares or puralellograms in a
space less than an American farmer
would require for an ordinary potato
patch. Preparatory to planting the land
is turned by one of those untiquated
plows that scarcely do more than scratch
the surface. Pluuting is by hund, as it
was in Roman times, and the harrow,
drugged over the soil by a single horse,
wobbles and capers about as though its
purpose was to get over the clods with us
little injury to them as possible. The
clumsy, heavy-bladed scythe is used in
mowing, and women take part in this as
in every other form of agricultural labor.
Indeed, women are the best of Italian
laborers, meek drudges, who go übout
their tasks with as much apparent uncon
sciousness of any other mission or am
bition as the brown-eyed oxen that lurch
along the country roads dragging the
well-laden van, says a traveller.
As the ancient scythe is used fur reap
ing, so is the urchuic rake used for gath
ering the fallen grain for binding into
sheaves. The threshing is as primitive
as all the other steps toward the profit
in the harvest. The sheaves aro torn
apart and scattered over a level, liard-
I ened square of ground out of doors, and
the grain is beaten out by flails in the
hands of men, women and children, is
trodden out by tramping, or is crushed
out of the ears by the broad wheels
of a stout wooden cart drawn uhout over
the straw by a horse, or an ox, or an ass.
In this primitive fashion is the agriculture
of the country, so essential to the well
being of the masses, conducted. Though j
the earth under a benignant sun needs
but to be scratched to laugh out a har
vest, the prosperity of an agricultural
nation demands a little fuller uiul more
faithful reckoning with the Mother
Earth.
The Ituliun masses are a shiftless, in
dolent, happy people content with little,
working in a slow, restful sort of way,
and feeling that they perform their whole
duty if they make a perceptible differ
ence in things in the course of ten or
twelve hours. One is reminded by their
' deliberate, unhurried manner of Charles
Dudley NVurner's cobbler, who declined
to mend a shoe when he hud ascertained
that there was enough money in the
houso to meet the day's needs.
Origin of New Species.
It has been suggested in soino scien
tific quarters, that the necessities of va
rious creatures to employ different meuns
to exercise their functions may have an
important influence eventually in modi
fying the structure of the creature itself,
and thus induce vuriation leading to now
species in time. In the Old World the
English sparrow builds in holes in old
ruins, in wheat or hay stacks, or any
where but in trees. When introduced
to America, where 110 such opportunities
are afforded, it makes its nests in trees.
Not having been uccustomed to building
in such places, the nests are of tho rudest
possible charucter, und compare as
would tho pottery of the ancient Ameri
can Indiun with tho beautiful ware of
our Trenton potteries, with tho artistic
nests of other birds. No doubt with ex
perience these nests will improve in
character, and possibly tho birds them
selves will vury from the foreign typo,
when that time comes. A number of
creatures show wonderful powers of adap
tation to suit circumstances. Thus in I
Boston Harbor the sea urchin, during
tho process of spawning, has a habit of I
covering itself with souweed which is
packed down tightly above it as if to
avoid observation. Jll Tampa Bay,
Professor Willcox has observed that the
sea urchin, having the same desire to
avoid observation at that time are also
covered—but not with seaweed. Empty
shells abound 011 that coast, und this
creature uses the shells for this purpose.
Habits, once acquired, become in a
measure hereditary—changing only when
dire necessity compels—und with the
forced change of habit some modification
of structural character is not impossible.
—[New York Independent.
Skillful Engineering.
The engineers and workmen in the
Manchester Ship Canal, England, had a
lively time recently when the Mersey
swept away 800 feet of a great einbunk
inent that diverted the water at the mouth
<d' the Shropshire Union Canal. Ten
million tons of earth and masonry were
swept away in u moment, and it became
necessary to repair the damage between
tides. The engineers hud eight hours at
their disposal and set an army of men to
work upon the construction of a new em-
I bankmcnt of rock and clay. liuilrouds
were laid, as if by inagic, and locomo
tives dashed through the advancing
waters with hundreds of truck loads of
stones, refuse and gravel at the risk of
extinguishing their tires. Up to the last
moment it was doubtful whether the
water or human skill and energy would
win the victory, but at last, when the
men were almost exhausted, the baffled
tide began to recede and the embankment
triumphed. It was made doubly secure
before the water could get back again.—
[Picayune.
A Large Garden,
Cathay claims the largest garden in
| the world, as well as the largest in pop-
I ulation. It is called the "Garden of
j China," and has an area around and
about Shanghai of 50,000 square miles,
| or as largo as the States of New York
and Pennsylvania combined. It is all
meadow land, raised but a few feet above
| the river, and having lukes, ponds and
: canals. The land is under the highest
j tilth, three crops a year being harvested
J therefrom. All this land is spared for
; this immense garden, yet the population
is so dense that the tourist sees such
numbers of bluc-blouscd men and women
going about that he fancies each day
, must he a public holiday.—[Detroit Free
| Press.
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARN'S BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Didn't Menu It —Force of Hnbit—At
u linll (Lime—lndulgence, Etc.,
Etc.
DIDN'T MEAN IT.
Jonjoneß—You are really pretty, Miso
Brown, but your sister is very homely.
Miss Brown —My sister wouldn't like
to hear you say that.
Jonjones—Oh, you mustn't mind mo.
I never mean whut 1 say. —[Yankee
Blade.
FORCE OF lIAHIT.
Blushing Girl—Yes, Dick, my heart
is in your keeping.
Young Baggageman —My own darling!
Er -want a check for it?— [Chicago
Tribune.
AT A BALL (JAME.
Novice—Which one of the players do
you call the catcher?
Chronic—That fellow with a mask on,
that just called out "foul."
Novice—Why, I was given to under
stand that was the umpire.
Chronic—Some people call him that,
but he's really the catcher; he catches
all the abuse of the "rooters."—[Boston
Courier.
INDULGENCE.
Stan, de ltownde—May I see you
home?
May Knott (good naturedly)—Yes; you
inay watch me start. —[Fuck.
GUILTLESS.
"I hear you played the comet at the
concert."
"No. I sent a substi-toot."
AN ANCIENT WRANGLE ENDED.
"Well, I'll acknowledge that we're
both black," suid the Pot to the Kettle,
after consideration. "Does that suit
you?"
"Yes, I'm sooted, if you uro."—
[Puck.
PATERNAL MINISTRATIONS.
Young Husband—Amy, what makes
that baby ytdl in that way?
Young Wife—His teeth, dear.
Young Husband—Oh, if that's all I'll
run for a dentist and liavo them pulled
out.—[Judge.
HOW SHE SMOTE HIM.
"Harry," said a Fort street wife to
her husband, "I want a hundred dol
lars."
"A hundred what?" exclaimed the hus
band.
"Dollars," she replied, calmly.
"What for?"
"Oh, a whole lot of things."
"Um—urn," he hcsituted, "I guess 1
shall have to check your extravagance,
my dear."
"Do," she smiled, "and make it pay
able to my order, please."
He collapsed then and there.—[Dotroit
Free Press.
PREFERRED THE SMOKING.
That man was in the best of humor
when he climbed on the cable car. He
was smoking a cigar. Now and then he
would lift the seed Havana from his lips
and strike up two or three bars of a song.
Then he would drop the Rong and take
another draught or two from the cigar.
A woman sat by his side, fidgeting un
der the smoke and fairly rebelling at the
song. All the passengers suffered, but
they suffered in silence till at length the
happy man struck up:
"Oh, Genevieve, sweet Genevieve"—
when the woman interrupted:
"Oh, smoke—smoke," she cried impa
tiently; "I would rather smell your cigar
than listen to your song."—[Chicago
Herald.
EXCESSIVE CAUTION.
Mother (horrified) —What did you let
that young Snipkins kiss you for?
Daughter (meekly)— For only two min
utes, mamma, and then I told him it was
time to stop.—[Detroit Free Press.
SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.
Ethel—Miss Wabash is quite aristo
cratic, isn't she?
Maud—No, but her complexion is quite
highly toned.
GENUINE ADMIRATION.
Miss Yellowleaf—The older one gets,
the proverb says, the more 0110 knows.
Miss Freshleaf—What an immense
amount you must know, Miss Yellowleaf!
A COMMON SENSE ANSWER.
Teacher—What sort of a sign was it
that the "stiff necked generation" were
seeking for?
Pupil—lf they had stiff necks they j
were probably looking for a drug store
sign.
RESULT OF HOTEL BILLS.
She—The days are growing shorter
now, aren't they ?
lie—Yes, and so am I.—[Munsey.
WILL FARE WELL NOW.
Jake (after a quarrel)— Miss Bellows,
farewell.
Cora—Thanks! I think I'll have u
chance to fare well after getting rid of
you.
A TRUE BILL.
The man can whistle, quoth uncle John,
Who kuows not poverty's ill,
But lie's not so blithe when his money is
gone
And his creditors send their bills.
When the pocket is empty the heart is i
sad,
And a burden is on the mind,
Ami it isn't easy to whistle, my lad,
When you cannot raise the wind.
—[Boston Courier.
A DANGEROUS PLACE.
"Hoar about Chappie?"
"No."
"Got tossed ly a bull on Wall street. "
"Hurt?"
"Broke." —[New York Herald.
VALUED LIGHTLY.
Mr. Lakesides (of Chicago)— Miss
Wubush, I have come to ask you to
Miss Wabash —Certainly. I should he
delighted. I'll run up stairs and get my
things on if—
Mr. Lakesides —But I was going to
ask you to bo my wife.
Miss Wabash (disappointed)—Oh,
pshaw ! Is that all ? I thought you were
going to invite me to the theatre !
THAT DELICIOUS COMPLEXION.
"Had a good time in the mountains, I
suppose? You're as yellow as a pump
kin. Ah, mo, how nice it is to have a
summer outing!"
"But I haven't been to the mountains.
You are entirely wrong; haven't been
out of town at all."
"Well, where did you get that de
licious complexion?"
"Pin juirt- recovering from a severe at
tack of the jaundice."—[St. /Louis Re
public.
A BIT OF PHILOSOPHY.
Little drops of printer's ink,
A little typo displayed,
Make our merohunt princes
With all their big parade.
Little bits of stinginess—
Discarding printer's ink—
"Busts" the man of business,
And sees his credit sink.
SARCASM.
Kind Hearted Purty—You look ill, my
friend; what distresses you?
Ravenous Rafferty—Me food; I had
chicken salud an' ioo cream for breakfast.
—[Drake's Magazine.
HER PRICE.
Husband—When the tailor comes for
that suit of mine to be mended, I want
you to let him have it.
Wife—But I should think you would
lot me mend them. It is so much
cheaper.
Husband—No, it isn't. The last time
you mended my clothes it cost me SSO
for u new dress for you. [Clothier and
Furnisher.
A CONSIDERATE OFFICIAL.
A stranger on the platform of a New
York elevated road was leuuing out,
looking for the approaching train, when
the man who turns the crank of the ticket
box called out:
"Hello, there! You'll tumble down
into the street, and then there will be
another infernal fuss in the papers about
it."—[Texas Sittings.
TOO SLANGY.
Simmons—You seem at outs with Miss
Figg-
Timmons—Yes; on account of her dis
gusting addiction to slang.
"Slang?"
"So I said. You see, I asked her to
marry me, and shesaid'Rats.' "—[lndian
apolis Journal.
AGE MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
College avenue lias a tot four years of
age who but lately passed out of her
third year. Mooting her tho other day,
a young inan said: —
"My, Bessie, how pretty you're get
ting!"
"Oh, 1 know it," was the innocent
response.
"I thought you didn't like to be culled
pretty?" he said.
"Well," she said pensively, "that
may have been; but then 1 was only free
ycurs old!"—[lndiunapolis News.
AN ADVANCE REPELLED.
Deudbroke—Caslileigli, you are my
best friend. 1 would bank on you every
time.
Caslileigli—Well, I don't want you to
bunk on me any more until you return
that last ten dollars L lent you.
RETRIBUTION.
" And your aunt didn't leuve you any
thing after all ?"
"Not a cent. She overheard mo call
her an old eat a short time before her
death."
" How did she leave her money ?"
" She left it to found an institution for
tho care of homeless cuts."—[Detroit
Free Press.
THE PRODIGAL SON.
The wayward young man, broken in
health, bad gone to the far Southwest to
recuperate, lie was inja.il at Tombstone,
Ariz., for stealing a hind quarter of hoof.
In the loneliness of his cell he sut down
and wrote as follows :
DEAR FATHER—I have picked up some
flesh since I came out here, but I am still
confined to my room. Please send me
SIOO, etc., etc.—[Chicago Tribune.
A MOMENT'S INDISCRETION.
Count Spaghetti—Will-a vou not-a lot
a me have one lock-a your lmir ?"
Miss Nosenso—Certainly, Couut. Cut
it yourself.
The Count (absent-mindedly)— Sha
mpoo ?
AN AGREEMENT OF OPINION.
" What do you think of married life?"
asked tho henpecked man, addressing the
youthful bridegroom.
"Bliss is no name for it," said tho
young husband, enthusiastically.
" You aro right," said the henpecked
man, gloomily, " bliss is no name for it.
—[New York Press.
HADN'T THE CASH.
She—Now I want to wear the engage
ment ring at the next hop. Please bo
sure you get it oil time.
11c—O, they have already told me they
would let me have it on time.—[Life.
THE FASHIONABLE TRAIN.
"There is a sign at tho railroad cross
ings which roads: 'Lookout for tho lo
comotive when the bell rings.' "
"There should be oho something liko
it at the corners of our streets."
"You think so?"
"Yes. 'Look out for tho train when
the woman comes along.'"—[New York
PRUDENT JESSIE.
.lack—Don't you think we would get
along on $25 a week; $8 for the rent, $lO
for the table, $1 for tho servant and $5
for a ruiny day.
Jessie—Yes, provided it didn't rain
very often.
TAKE HEED.
My friend, the owl, with his big round
eyes,
Says never a word,
That lias yet been heard..
But hoots ut our follies in mild surprise.
The things he can't tell (hero his secret
lies)
He doesn't disclose,
And every one kuows
That thousands of men aren't half so
wise.
—[Washington Post.
SOOTHING TO THE GUEST.
Prominent Citizen (rushing into Okla
homa hotel) —Tanner, your little son,
Theobald, who is over at his aunt's, got
his uncle's gun down just now an' shot
Preacher Harps in the log!
Landlord Tanner (proudly, to recently
arrived tender-foot) Only think,
stranger; the little feller is not quite five
years old!—[Puck.
A Milkmaid's Exciting Life.
A milkmaid's life in West Virginia has
its excitements. While Caroline Bren
neinan of Juniata was in the barnyard
milking the other day she was knocked
from tho stool by a wildcat, which sprung
<m her shoulder from a neighboring troo.
The frightened cow made a jump and one
foot struck the wildcat a powerful blow
in the side, stunning it. Miss Bronne
rnan then finished the creature by beating
it over the bead with her pail. The ani
mal was four feet two inches long.—
[Chicago Herald.
YOU ARE INVITED
To call and inspect our im
mense stock of
DRY GOODS,
Groceries, Provisions,
FURNITURE, Etc.
Our store is full of the new
est assortment. The prices are
the lowest. All are invited to
see our goods and all will be
pleased.
J. P. McDonald,
8. W. Cornor Centre and South Btt„ Freeland.
FERRY & CHRISTY,
dealers in
Stationary, School Books,
Periodicals, Song Books, Musical
Instruments,
CIGARS and TOBACCO,
SrFOZRTiaSTOr O-OOIDS
Window Fixtures and Shades, Mirrors,
Pictures and Frames made to order.
Pictures enlarged and Framed.
Crayon Work a Specialty.
g7 Centre Street, Gallagher's Building
opposite Tribune Office.
lEWSPM SfSSE
the name of every newspaper published, hav
ing a circulation rating In the American News
paper Directory of more than 25,000 copies each
Issue, with the cost per line for advertising in
them. A list of the best papers of locul circula
tion, in every city and town of more than f>,ooo
population with prices by the inch for one
month. Special lists of daily, countiw, village
and class papers. Bargain offers of value to
small advertisers or those wishing to experi
ment Judiciously with asmull amount of money.
Shows conclusively "how to get the most ser
vice for the money," etc., etc. Sent post paid
to any address for 30 cents. Address, Gv:o. P.
KOWEI.I. & Co., Publishers and General Adver
tising Agents, 10 Spruce Street, New York City.
|$ C. D. ROHRBACH,
Dealer in
Hardware, Paints, Varnish,
Oil, Wall Paper, Mining
Tools and mining Sup
plies of all kinds,
Lamps, Globes, Tinware, Etc.
Having purchased the stock
of Wm. J. Eckert and added a
considerable amount to the
present stock I am prepared to
sell at prices that defy compe
tition.
Don't forget to try my special
brand of MINING OIL.
Centre Street, Freeland Pa.
E. M. GERITZ,
23 years in Germany and America, opposite
the Central Hotel, Centre Street, Freelaeu. The
Cheapest Repairing Store in town.
Watches. Clocks and Jewelry.
New Watches, Clocks and
Jewelry on hand for the Holi.
days; the lowest cash price in
town. Jewelry repaired in
short notice. All Watch Re
pairing guaranteed for one
year.
Eight Day Clocks from 53.00
to $12.00; New Watches from
$•1.00 up.
E. M. GERITZ,
Opposite Central Hotel, Centre St., Freeland.
GO TO
Fisher Bros.
Livery Stable
FOR
FIRST-CLASS TURNOUTS
At Short Notice, for Weddings, Parties and
Funerals. Front Street, two squures
below Freeland Opera House.
JOB
PRINTING
2ZXBOUTKD AT THIS OIHOI AX
Lowest Living Prices.
AMI COAS.I
The undersigned has been appoint
ed agent for the sale of G. B. Markle
& Co.'s
Highland Goal.
The quality of the Highland Coal
needs no recommendation, being hand
picked, thoroughly screened and free
from slate, makes it desirable for
Domestic purposes. All orders left
at the TRIBUNE office will receive
prompt attention.
Price $3.75 per two-horse wagon
load. T. A. BUCKLEY, Agent.
PETER TIMONY,
BOTTLER,
And Dealer in all kinds of
Liquors, Beer and Porter,
Temperance Drinks,
Etc., Etc.
Geo.Ringler&Co.'s
Celebrated LAGER BEER put
in Patent Sealed Bottles here
on the premises. Goods de
livered in any quantity, and to
any part of the country.
FREELAND BOTTLING WORKS,
Cor. Centre and Carbon Stß., Freeland.
(Near Lehigh Valley Depot.)
H. M. BRISLIN,
UNDERTAKER
AND
Also dealer in
FURNITURE
of every description.
Centre Street, above Luzerne, Freeland.
/ IfKENDALUS^%
[SPAVINCUREIM
BaeeetEfnl Remedy ever disco*
ered, an It Is certain In its effects and does
not blister. Read proof below.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE.
OFFICE or CHARLES A. SNYDER, I
BREEDER OP \
CLEVELAND BAT AND TROTTIEO BRED HORSES. >
DR. B. J. Kkjtdall Col IJ<WOOD ' IU " NoT - *lsa
. Slr: 1 lwyi purcbtwod TOUT KEU
£, al h® Suavltt Cure *i y tho half <lOn l>ottle, I
trouM lfte prtcei In larger quiiuUty. I think ll Is
an earth. I have utted It
cn my stables for three years.
Yours truly, Cms. A. SttTDEB.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURL
~ „ BROOKLYN, N. Y., November 8, 1888.
DR. B. J. KENDALL Co. '
Dear Sirs: 1 desire to Rive voti testimonial of my
good opinion of your Kendall's Spavin Cure. I have
,L . . r „,h a P* n 7""• J?.' ~r nd
bpnvina, and 1 have found it a sure cure. I cordi
ally recommend It to all horsemen.
Yours truly, A. H. GILBERT.
Manager Troy Laundry Stables.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN DURE.
_ Skier. WUTTOW COUKTT, Onto, Dec. 19,1888.
DR. B. J. KKNDALL CO.
OenU: I feel it my duty to say what I have done
with your Kendall's Spavin Cure. I have cured
twenty-live horses that had Spavins, ten of
ltiiiv Bone, nine afflicted with Big Head and
seven of Ilia J aw. Since I have had one of your
books and followed the directions. I have never
lost a case of any kind.
0 Yours truly, ANDREW TURNER,
Horse Doctor.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURL
Price ,1 per bottle, or nix bottle, for s. All Drue
gists have it or can get it for you, or it will be sent
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
A. RUDEWIGK,
GENERAL STORE.
SOUTH HEBERTON, PA.
Clothing, Groceries, Etc., Etc.
Agent for the sale of
PASSAGE TICKETS
From all tho principal points in Europe
to all points in the United States.
Agent for the transmission of
MONEY
To all parts of Europe. Checks, Drafts,
and Letters of Exchange on Foreign
Banks cashed at reasonable rat vs.
S. RUDEWICK,
Wholesale Dealer ID
Imported Brandy, Wine
And All Kinds Of
LIQUORS.
THE BEST
IDeer,
Sorter,
-A_le And
Bro-wn Stout.
Foreign and Domestic.
Cigars Kept on Hand.
S. RUDEWIGK,
SOUTH HEBERTON.
A pamphlet of information and ab-/®Bw
of the laws,howinK How toU
Obtain Patents, Caveats,
Copyrights, tmt
MUNN A
Broadway. slffT