A TRUE FRIEND.
The friend who holds a mirror to my face,
And hiding none, is not ufrnid to trace
My faults, my smallest blemishes, within;
Who friendly warns, reprore* me if I sin—
Although it seems not so—he is my friend.
But he who, ever flattering, gives me praise,
Who ne'er rebukes, nor censures, nor delays
To come with eagerness and grusp my hand, j
And pardon me, ere pardon 1 demand, I
He is my enemy, ulthough he seem my friend.
—[From tho German.
OLD STOVEPIPE'S DAUGHTER.
"Look, amigo!" said Tom, hastily
snatching & smoking slice of venison from
the glowing coals. "Look toward the
Orient, and tell me the nature of that
little dark object creeping along the
crest of the divide, a movable atom ail -
houetted against the blue canopy of
heaven. Name it if you can."
"What is it, Tom? A bear, or moun
tain sheep?"
"Wide of the mark, as usual. It looks
more like a black ant; but I venture the
opinion that it will soon resolve into a
pony and a man; and I will still predict
that it will turn out to be our old friend
•Stovepipe,' on his way to our camp,
prospecting for trilobites and bugs."
Tom's keen eyes were as good as a spy
glass. I looked up to him with the ad
miration 1 had always felt since in our
boyhood days he had thrashed the bully
of our village, who attacked me merely
because Nature had endowed him with
more muscle than she had allotted me.
Tom sent him home blubbering, bidding
him remember that there was no boy so
strong but that there was another stron
ger. Y'es, we were schoolmates and
were graduated in the same class at col
lege; and when, after having become a
rising young attorney, Torn suddenly
threw up his profession and started for
the Rocky mountains, I, of course, did |
the same.
I never knew just how Tom came to i
take this sudden notion to go West, but
rumor had it that he had been jilted by j
some silly girl; silly, I say, for what
girl of sense could ever hope to find the
peer of Tom Hamilton? If a sound mind
and a sound body ever dwelt together in
harmony, they certainly did in his per
son.
Thus we two, destined by over-san
guine parents for future presidents, be
came simple prospectors, and at the
time my sketch begins, after roughing it
for two years over the wildest and most
remote portions of the great mountain
ocean, had emerged from our tenderfoot
stage and were engaged in developing a
group of claims, which on account of i
their altitude, we had yclept "Sky- j
High." At this moment we were in
front of our cosy cabin, cooking and eat
ing our morning meal almost simulta
neously; for venison is not venison unless
served straight from the naked coals.
Old Stovepipe, our prospective visitor,
was neither very old nor yet a stovepipe.
He was a famous scientist, whose aevo
tion to nature's wonders often led him
through the most rugged and unexplored
regions of our continent, and whose one
eccentricity of sheltering his brains with
the regulation hat of society, had won
for him the odd sobri juet of "Stove
pipe." Among the ordinary prospectors
he was held in the same esteem as the
rest of the "bug-hunters," being looked
upon as a man of little account; but
with the more intelligent—of whom
there were many—he passed for what he
was, a brave, highly educated and pol
ished gentleman.
After breakfast I took my way to our
claims, which lay to the west of our
camp, and Tom shouldered a AVashoc
pick and set forth to examine some prom
ising cropping* several miles to the east.
While skirting along the further slope of
the mountain upon whose crest the soli
tary wanderer had been seen, his atten- j
tion was attracted to some fragments of j
paper floating towards him in the light
breeze. After a little skirmishing he
secured one of them and read these start
ling words:
"Badly hurt. Cannot speak. Find
MC. SELBY HOLLAND."
"Good God! Poor fellow," exclaimed
Tom.
Without a moment's hesitation he be
gan climbing the steep mountain side,
keeping as near as possible to the wind
ward. His strong limbs soon brought
him in sight of a dead pony, and a little
further on lay poor Holland, badly hurt
dnd speechless, but with a look of un
utterable gratitude beaming from his
eyes.
Tom took but a moment for reflection.
Stripping himself half naked for the
purpose, he bandaged the broken limb
to as to prevent it from swaying, and
gently gathering the sufferer in his arms,
began the perilous descent to camp.
After hours of herculean effort lie dc
posited his helpless burden on a bed of
soft boughs in our cabin. The danger
signal—three rapid shots—rang echoing
out among the wild crags, and I came i
rushiug into camp.
Now, as this little story is about Tom,
and not about myself, I have not pre
viously mentioned that I had been
launched upon the world as a "medicine
man," and although I had an inherent
antipathy to drugs. I prided myself on
my surgical skill. I soon found that the
damage to our scientific friend consisted
of a broken leg, fractured below the
knee, and some ugly contusions about
the neck and jaw, the latterly luckily
without fracture, but the injury was so
severe as to cause the rapid swelling
that rendered him for a time unable to
articulate.
In a short time we had the limb set
and the inflammation reduced, and with
the volunteer aid of our few but whole
souled neighbors a comfortable ro >m was
added to our restricted quarters for the
accommodation of the invalid. It did
our hearts good to hear the offers of as
sistance and sec the tokens of sympathy
aud good will that poured in from the
scatteicd camps. Venison, elk meat,
grouse and trout were almost daily re
ceived. while newspapers (often of re
mote date), and even an incongruous col
lection of books were among the dona
tions, including Gulliver's Travels, the
New Testament and Hay den's Reports.
Thanks to the healthful surroundings
and the absence of drugs, our patient
progressed as rapidly as possible to con
valescence, and we felt more than com
pensated for our care, in listening to his
wonderfully intelligent aud instructive
conversation.
One Sunday, a few weeks later, while
sitting in front of our cabin, Holland
having so fur recovered us to be able to
recline in a rustic armchair constructed
by the combined talent and executive
ability of the firm, we were greatly
astonished by the sudden appearance of
Lanky Jim, our next neighbor, rushing
toward us with mind and body greatly
agitated by some unnsual excitement.
Without saying a word, puffing and
blowing from exertion, he seated himself
011 a block. Resting his bands upon his
knees and craning out bis long neck, he
at length gave utterance to this osa word:
"Jehosophatl"
"What is it, Jim? Indians?"
"Indians nothing! Je-hos-o-phat ?
Wimmen! as I hope to live, and bearing
right down on this camp!"
As at that time none of the gentler sex
were known to have penetrated within a
hundred miles of us, we very nearly
shared his astonishment. Neither Tom
nor I spoke a word, but I am ashamed
to confess that our first thoughts were of
our shabby costumes, cleanly, to be sure,
but coarse and fearfully frayed.
"Right from Arkansas, probably," re
marked Tom. coolly.
"Mormons," I suggested.
"Bet your life, no. Quality folks!"
insisted Jim.
We had no time for further con jec
ture, for the party, consisting of two
ladies and a gentleman, were now in
sight, and the younger of tho ladies
surged ahead of the others and came
down upon us at a dashing gallop. A
girlish figure, at that time and in that
place, she seemed like a vision of celes
tial beauty, with her golden locks
streaming in the wind, her cheeks
blanched with anxiety and her eager
blue eyes fixed upon the central figure in
our group. Oblivious of all else, she
sprang unaided from the saddle, and
casting her arms around the invalid, ex
claimed, "Oh, father! father!" and
burst into tears.
"Annette," said Mr. Holland, looking
up to Tom, who stood near him, "this
is Mr. Hamilton, the gentleman of whom
I wrote you, and whom I think you
should show some gratitude."
"O, Mr. Hamilton," she exclaimed,
"how can I thank you?"
"One deserves no thanks for simply
doing one's duty," said Tom.
Anuette was of that golden age, half
child, half woman, and the assurance
that Tom regarded her act as a caprice of
childish gratitude, silenced her own mis
givings.
The elder lady was now introduced as
Holland's widowed sister, and the young
man hastened, with vigorous handshak
ing, to introduce himself as his son, and
to declare his everlasting gratitude to
j Tom and me.
.Mrs. Belden, the widowed sister, a
lady of great intelligence and of that
quiet, self-possessed repose of character,
as lovable as it is rare, now explained
their sudden appearance. When they
received her brothers letter announcing
the accident they were very much
alarmed, and both Annette and George,
who was home spending his vacation,
were determined to go at once to their
father. They had not telegraphed him
because they knew that it would take
several days for a message to reach him I
from the nearest station, and feared that j
he might attempt to move further east to
meet them.
During their short stay Tom and I did
little work. It was our one bright holi
day for years. Always leaving one to
care for our crippled friend, we took the
visitors each day to some new scene in
that grand and romantic region. Now
it was a majestic waterfall that had sung
its weird song for ages to the rocks and
troes of some solitary gorge; now a cas
cade, dashing down tnousands of feet,
from rock to rock, foaming white as
drifted snow ; and sometimes it was to
look down stupendous chasms, or to be
hold somber depths of forests, or climb
the snow-seamed summits.
How dream like was this episode in
our hard miner's lifel But it was brief;
for a short time sufficed to make the in
valid sufficiently strong to be removed
to his eastern home.
A year passed; a year of hardship and
toil to us. Occasionally a letter came
from Holland, always referring to his
stay with us, with expressions of grat
itude for our atteution. At the close of
one letter he wrote:
"Many thanks for the rare specimens
of Plcurotornaria Taggarti received. I
find they are mentioned in Ilaydeu's re
port of 1875. Was unable to visit Col
orado this season. Indeed, I do not
know whether I shall ever dare to visit
my old haunts again, unless accompanied
by my daughter, for since my unfortun
ate accident that young lady seems to j
think that lam not to be trusted far '
from home without a guardian.
"By the way, Annette wishes me to
ask Mr. Hamilton if he will he kind
enough to send her a few of those tiny
blue, sweet-scented arctic flowers, such
as he gathered for her from the summit
of BelTevue last summer."
A month later, Tom Hamilton to S.
C. Holland:
"CAMP SKY-IIIOH, Sept. 10.
"Respected Friend—l take the liberty
to send you by express the antlers of an
elk, in the velvet, for a specimen of
which I remember you expressed a de
sire when here. The wearer of the horns
was shot by the writer a few days since
in one of the little parks on the Mount
of the Holy Cross.
"I send the tlowers as requested by
Miss Aunette. I send also for her ac
ceptance some specimens of peculiar
' rose-colored crystals from Crystal moun
tain, near the head of Hock Creek. These
arc called amethyst by the miners, but i
they are not very valuable, being rare j
I only because of their peculiar tint." |
\ Another year passed, and it was an 1
; eventful one to us. The great carbonate 1
discoveries had been made and the moun
tains were overrun with prospectors,
while the mountain villages swarmed
with speculators. We sold our claims
j for ten fold the sum we had ever hoped
I to realize. Although neither Vanderbilts
! nor Astors, we still had capital enough
I to start an important business in Denver
j and looked back to our years of manual
J labor as prospectors with that true
| American pride that regards no honest
toil as degrading,
j Meanwhile our friend "Stovepipe" was
I back in his old field, and oue day the
| following letter came:
"EAGLE RIVER, Aug. 15, 187—.
! "Mr. Thomas Hamilton, Denver, Col. :
Dear Friend—My daughter is oxpected
to arrive in your city the first of Septem
! ber, en route for Twin Lakes, where I
lam to meet her. Will you kindly see
I her safely embarked for that point, and
oblige, yours truly, HOLLAND."
The effect of this letter on Tom was
extraordinary. He was first seized with
a conviction that certain speckled beau
tics were swimming about in those beau
tiful mountain ponds known as Twin
Lakes that could only be coaxed ashore
by the seductive colors of some artistic
j tlies of his own skillful preparation, and
he sat up late for several successive
j nights, engaged in their manufacture.
I These preparations concluded, it occurred
• to him, that it, would be quite unsafe for
! Miss Annette to take her mountain jour
! ney alone, and that, as he happened to
lie going in precisely the same direction,
I there was no reason in the world why he
! should not make the date ot his own de
i parture from Denver coincide with hers,
i We met her at the depot. She was
the same little Annette, as beautiful as
ever, but more thoughtful and womanly,
j She gave me a hearty welcome, and as
I she extended her small hand I noticed
| on her wrist an elegant gold bracelet Fet
I with rose crystals. She seemed a little
i embarrassed as Tom grasped her hand,
' and both colored, as on their first meet
j iug. Perhaps it was the memory of her
j rash act then that suffused her cheeks,
and as for Tom—well, perhaps Tom l
blushed from sympathy.
The night was calm and ltiild, an<l
mountain and valley were brilliant under
the rays of the full moon as the coach,
filled with many passengers, slowly as
cended the last rise in the Park Range,
preparatory to descending into the
picturesque valley of the upper Arkansas,
when a sudden halt was commanded.
The driver was commanded to throw
down the cash box, and the passengers
to get out, form a line and throw up
their hands. Under the persuasive in
fluence of three leveled revolvers this
request was promptly complied with.
"The lady can keep her seat," said the
leader.
But the lady did not choose to keep
her seat, and was already by Tom's side
on the road.
' The passengers all submitted without
a murmur to the search for coin, and the
whole affair would have passed away as
quietly as such business transactions
usually do, had not one of the ruffians,
apparently more than half drunk, made
an insulting remark to Annette.
This was too much for Tom. Forget
ting the odds, he dealt the rascal a blow
that sent him reeling to the ground. It
was a rash act. In an instant the leader
felled Tom by a crushing blow with his
revolver.
Tom's existence would have ended
theu and there, as the first villain had
regained his feet and was bringing a six
shooter to bear upon his chivalrous head,
when like a flash Annette stood over the
prostrate form, her eyes blazing, her lit
tle fists clinched, crying out in a tone
that would have done honor to a
Siddons:
"You villain! I dare you to shoot!"
"She's game by 1" exclaimed the
leader, himself checking the leveled pis
tol. "No shooting, boys. We are
bound to perdition fast enough without
that."
Saying this, he bowed politely and or
dered the passengers to get in and move
on.
TWIN LAKES, Sept. 15, 187-.
"Dear Fred: I have had a pretty
tough time of it, old boy. They say I
was delirious for many days; but as for
ine, it seems a long sleep full of troubled
dreams.
"The awakeuiug was glorious; to
find that she and her father had watched
and cared for me through all those days
and nights of delirium, aud to see the
joyous smile that lighted her careworn
i face when assured that all danger was
i past —that fully paid for a dozen broken
heads! And when I asked if 1 had made I
1 a fool of myself in my wanderings, she
confessed that I had uttered some very
silly words, and she turned her back to
me and looked out of the window, and I
could see that her ears were pink as sea
shells. O, Fred, she is an angel—no,
not that! She is an adorable little
woman."
Tom's next ietter was dated some
weeks later, when he had fully recovered
his health. He still said nothing of the
piscatorial interests that had drawn him
thither, and wrote chiefly on business
topics. He added a significant post
script, however, saying:
"It is all arranged, aear friend. lam
going to introduce a new partner into
the firm. The transaction will be com
pleted on Christmas Day."
Annette makes a glorious housekeeper,
and insists that I shall always make my
home with them, declaring that she will
not part two such friends as Tom and I
have been. A happier couple canuot be
found.—[New Orleans Picayune.
How Insects Breathe.
If we take any moderately largo in
sect, say a wasp or a hornet, we can see,
even with the naked eye, that a series,
of smail, spot-like marks run along the
side of the body. Two apparent spots,
which are eighteen or twenty in number,
are, in fact, the apertures through
which air is admitted into the system,
and are generally formed in such a
manner that no extraneous matter can
by any possibility And entrance. Some
times they are furnished with a pair of
horny caps, which can be opened and
closed at the will of the insect; in other
cases they are densely friuged with stiff,
interlacing bristles, forming a filter,
which allows air, and air alone, to pass;
but the apparatus, of whatever character
it may be, is so wonderfully perfect in
its action that it has been found impos
sible to injure the body of a dead insect
with even so subtle a medium as spirits
of wine, although the subject was first
immersed in the fluid, and then placed
beneath the receiver of an air-pump. !
The apertures in question communicate
with two large breathing tubes, which
extend through the entire length of the
body. From these main tubes are given
off innumerable brnnches, which run in
all directions, and continually divide
aud subdivide, until a wonderfully in
tricate net work i 9 formed, pervading
every part of the structure, and pen
etrating even to thcanteumc.—[Lutheran
Observer.
Novel Use for Beer.
| "Beer is absolutely indispensable to
| our business, nowadays," said a fashion
able dressmaker the other day, as she
noticed my glances of inquiry at a basket
ful of empty bottles that a* aervaut wa3
taking out.
"Oh, dear, no. I never drink it, nor
the girls either, with my permission, but
we use a good many bottlefuls every day,
nevertheless."
"How?''
"Why, to wash silk in. It gives eld
silk a lustre and a new look almost like
goods fresh from the loom. Then, too,
it gives a little 4 body' which lusts for a
while, long enough for our purposes any
way. At least half my trade is making
over dresses, and so much better does
the silk look after going through the
beering that my business is increasing
wonderfully. It was a discovery of my
own, and it has been worth a good many
thousand dollars to me already. I ' —[St.
Louis Star Sayings.
Origin of the Salvation Army.
The Salvation Army has been in ex
istence just thirteen years. It had its
origin in a sensational way in the Eng
lish town of Whitby, in the rough coal
mining district of Yorkshire, where Gen
eral Booth, at that time the Hev, William
Booth, was doing humble mission work.
England was then in arms, expecting to
jump into the Husso-Turkish war. It
occurred to Booth that he might attract
a crowd by issuing a declaration of war
himself, so he prepared one forthwith,
sprinkled it plentifully with hallelujahs
and posted 2,000 copies of it about town.
The device tickled the British sense of
humor, there was a "red hot, rousing
meeting" to quote General Booth, "the
penitents fell down in heaps" and the
Salvation Army sprang into life full
grown.
In Bulgaria only novon iind n half per cent
of the population can read and write.
[THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Age of Invention —Comforting—
W here the Beauty Lies —Plenty of
Visitors, Etc., Etc.
THE AGE OE INVENTION.
Mrs. McPump—My goodness! The
city council has ordered that all milk
shall be tested by the Beatall Miik
Tester.
Mr. McPump (milk dealer) —That's
all right. I invented that tester myself.
—[New York Weekly.
COMFORTING.
En pec—Dr. Firstly preached a com
fort iug sermon this morning.
Mrs. Enpec—What was the subject?
Enpec—'Bout there being no marry
ing there.—[New York Herald.
WHERE THE BEAUTY LIES.
Mrs. Gossip—l think that Mr. Lovely
married a very homely girl.
Mrs. Lorgnette—She may be homely,
but her income is very handsome.
PLENTY OK VISITORS.
Hyman—Your neighbors don't seem
to call you very often, Crawford.
Crawford—Oh, yes, they do. Six bill
collectors and a deputy sherilThave been
here already this morning.
A FAILURE.
Young Husband—My dear, business
reverses have caused me to make an as
signment and
Young Wife (tearfully)—Y-e-s.
Young Husband—We will go abroad
and travel for a year or two.—[Epoch.
A HARD WORKER.
Dudeleigh—Aw, Nicely, old fellah,
you look tiahd.
Nicely—Jove, old chappie, but I
should fawncy I might. Been working
all the mawning.
Dudeleigh—Working? Why, how, old
fellah?
Nicely—l've been labowing undah an
impwession.—| Boston Courier.
WHY WHISTLING WAS APPROVED.
"I like a man who whistles at his
work," said Fayles, who was reducing
his help.
"Why?"
"Because it give? you such an excel
lent excuse for tiring him."—[New York '
Press.
A SIMPLE CASE OF MULTIPLICATION.
Teacher—Yes; that's right; s-u-n;
now pronounce it.
Pupil—-I can't.
Teacher—What gives more light than
the moon?
Pupil—Oh! I'm on to that; two moons,
of course.—[Puck.
AN INTENSIFIED CURIOSITY.
"What nonsense is there?" he asked,
as he looked over her shoulder at the
paper she had in her hand. "Some fool
dress pattern, I suppose."
"No," she replied. "It's a diagram
of the pitcher's curves in baseball."
"Lerame see it as soon as you get
through, will you?"—[Washington Post.
FAMILY DISCIPLINE.
Colonel Fizzletop was under the pain
fill necessity of administering a severe
caßtigation to his sou Johnny. After he
had completed his labors he said sternly
to his suffering victim:
"Now, tell me why I punished you?"
"That's it," sobbed Johuny; "you
nearly pound the life out of me, and now
you don't even know why you did it."—
[Texas Siftings.
NOT UP TO THE TIMES.
Amy—Why have you dropped Miss
Elder's acquaintance?
Mabel—Oh, I was compelled to. She's
beyond redemption.
Amy—What is the trouble?
Mabel—She persists iii saying "well
dressed" instead of "smartly gowned."
—[Brooklyn Life.
A BOOTnER.
"They say celery is a good opiate."
"What's dat?"
"Puts a man to sleep."
"Aw, go on. What's de matter wid
de sandbag?"—[Epoch.
IIE WAS A DENTIST,
Polite Waitress —Tea, doctor?
Doctor—No; coffee, if you please.
Waitress - Boast beef, doctor?
Doctor—lf you please.
Waitress—Corn, doctor?
Doctor (indignantly)—No, madam, I
am a dentist.— [Drake's Magazine.
THE SUMMER MAN.
' He wears a flannel suit of white,
A sailor hat of straw;
His shoes are tan, his necktie light—
You gaze on him with awe.
lle strolls across the sad sea sand
And wields a palm leaf fan
While listening to the hotel band—
He is the Summer Man!
—[New York Herald,
HAD A TRADE.
Housekeeper—An able-bodied man
like you ought to have a trade.
Tramp—l have, mum. I break in new
boots for a livin'. Has yer husband any
on hand?—[Good News.
PROOF OF LOVE.
There are no logicians like children.
Harold wanted some grapes, but his
mother would not let him have any.
"Mother," asked the little four-year
old, "do you love Harold?"
"Yes, dear, of course I do," was the
smiling reply.
"Well, one wouldn't think so," retor
ted the cherub meaningly, as he eyed
the forbidden fruit, —[Londou Truth.
A LOW 'UN.
"Is your rich new wife giving you
plenty of money?"
"No. She isn't the loan widow I took
her to be."
WILLING TO MAKE IT RIGHT.
"Lcok hero," said an excited man to a
druggist, "you gave morphine for qui
nine this morning!"
"Is that so?" replied the druggist;
"then you owe mo 25 cents. That's the
difference in the price,"—[Brooklyn Life.
CURED HIS FAILING.
Ponsonby—Smart fellow, Fledgely.
He's always been able to find the door
bell when*he's arrived home late. Cured
that, however.
Popinjay—Do away with the bell?
Honsonby- No. Bought a ring from
a jeweler.—[Jewelers' Circular.
A NEW DANGER FOR STEM-WINDERS.
Johnny trying to wind his new watch
—Gran'ina, which way do 1 turn it?
Grandmn, lookinup from her knit
ting—Sukts ali\e, child, don't turn it
the wrong way, or as like us not it'll
come unwound and get all in a tangle!
—[Jewelers' Weekly,
A REVISED VERSION.
"Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
"The other way, good sir,' she said,
And the flirtation ceased.—[Epoch.
EFFECT OF THE WEATHER.
" Maude," said Clarence to his sister,
"It is undoubtedly an incontrovertible
fact that "
" Clarence." said his sister, " why will
you persist in using such long words?"
44 Maude," said Clarence, "at the time
of the year when the days are long and
the weather is hot, it is natural to ex
pect that words should expand some
what; you cau't heip it."—[New York
Sun.
THE POINT OF VIEW.
Although the summer skies are bright,
The sea like molten gold.
'Tis darker than a winter night,
For Marion is cold.
Dark is the blustering winter night,
Loud roars the angry sea;
But all the world is fair and bright,
Fdr Marion smiles on me.
—[New York Press.
TnE OLD MAN'S IDEA.
Paterfamilias—Let's do something un
usual this summer.
The Family—That will be splendid.
What shall it be?
Paterfamilias—Let's stay at home.—
[Good News.
A PERTINENT QUERY.
Wagg—What are you doing now?
Wooden—Oh, I'm living by brain
work.
Wagg—l want to know! Whose?
CUMULATIVE EVIDENCE.
At a social gathering, the conversation
being on Balaam's ass, Gus De Smith
remarked:
"I believe that animals can talk. I am
sure that even nowadays asses talk, just
like Balaam's ass did."
"So I hear," said old Judge Peterby.
—[Texas Siftings.
A CERK-OUB MISUNDERSTANDING.
"How's your wheat?"
"Intend to before long."
"Intend to what?"
"House my wheat."
A NECESSARY EVIL.
Weary Watkins—W'at an outrage it
is that people has to work so hard.
Hungry Higgins—You're a talkin'
through your hat. If people didn't
work, where would our grub come from?
Eh? —[Indianapolis Journal.
EXCUSABLE FLIGHT.
Stern Parent—Hugh! That young fel
low wants to marry you, eh? Hugh!
Why didn't ho have the face, the manli
ness to come and ask me himself?—the
miserable, cowardly, white-headed
young
Daughter—He hadn't time. He said
he must get down town before the banks
close.
Parent—Oh—um—er—. Bless you,
my children.—[Good News.
THEY WERE NOT TWINS.
"Have your berries got their growth?"
"Yes, sir-e-e."
"Well, your quart boxes haven't."
YET THEY SAY WOMAN CANNOT REASON.
She—l notice that you are always
glancing at the clock.
He—Good gracious! You don't sus
pect for a moment that I am weary of
your company?
She—No, but I suspect that you have
pawned your watch.—[The Humorist.
MODERN WARFARE.
Steam and Electricity as Factors—
Tho Lesson of 'Ol.
It may safely be admitted, says John
C. Ropes, in Scribner's Magazine, that
if the conditions of warfare had been
the same in 18(11 as they were in 1815,
or, in our judgmeut, as late as 1850, the
prediction of Napdleon and Palmerston
of the failuro of the North would in all
probability have been fulfilled.
But the conditions were not the same.
Steam and electricity had in the inter
vening time asserted their power, and
had rendered possible for a McClellan or
a Grant what had been impossible lor a
Napoleon. It was found that the capac
ity of the territory, through which it
was proposed to move an army, for the
task of supporting that army might gen
erally be disregarded. It was found
perfectly feasible to maintain u large
force for any length of time in regions
where no subsistence of any sort or kind
was furnished by the soil. It was found
that water-transportation of men and
supplies was as certain and uniform, as
much to be relied upon, as transporta
tion by land; that the winds and waves
of the ocean and the strength and direc
tion of the How of rivers could equally
be ignored when it was proposed to
transport troops, or subsistence, or am
munition, to a given spot. It was found
that a blockade maintained by steam
vessels, though not absolutely perfect,
WHS a far more certain and constant
check on foreign intercourse than could
be effected by any employment of sailing
vessels. By the telegraph all available
resources could be utilized without the
loss of a moment, Jand all information
instantaneously communicated to or
from headquarters to or from any part of
the theatre of war.
In other words, machinery had in the
progress of time become one of the
great factors in military operations, and
its introduction worked as marked a
revolution in the practice of commanders
on land and sea, as its adoption for pur
poses of manufacture or of intercom
munication had worked in the world of
business and ordinary life. And, what
was of the greatest importance to the
North, the advantages of this great
change in matters of warfare were ab
solutely at the call of the stronger and
more wealthy of the two combatauts.
Character in the Ears.
"Did you ever notice how carefully
stock dealers examine the ears of horses,
cattle and sheep?" queries the St. Louis
Globe-Democrat. They do it to get an
idea of the quality of the animal, for
good blood never goes with a bad ear.
The same thing is true of men, and a
banker who knows anything about ears
knows also that there are two kinds that,
to say tho least, will bear Witching.
The ear that runs down into the check
with almost no lobe at all, is a suspic
ious organ, and quite as bad in another
way is the ear that runs to a sharp point
at the outer and upper corner. French
detectives call the first the thief's ear,
and the second the ear of the usurer.
THE smallest 4 'moonshine" distillery
ever captnred by the revenue officers was
found recently in Atlanta. Ga., and sent
to Washington as a curiosity. Its capac
ity is about three gallons, it is construQ
ted so as to be operated on an ordinary
rooking stove, and is complete in every
detail.
YOU ARE INVITED.
To call and inspect our im
mense stock of
DRY GOODS,
Groceries, Provisions,
FURNITURE, Etc.
Our store is full of the new
est assortment. The prices are
the lowest. All are invited to
see our goods and all will be
pleased.
J. P. McDonald,
8. W. Corner Centre and South Sts., Freeland.
FERRY & CHRISTY,
dealers In
Stationary, School Books,
Periodicals, Song Books, Musical
Instruments,
CIGAES and TOBACCO,
SPOISTIITG QOOX3S
Window Fixtures and Shades, Mirrors,
Pictures and Frames made to order.
Pictures enlarged and Framed.
Crayon Work a Specialty.
41 Centre Street, Quinn's Building
SEWSFMIB gSB
llinifflSiSiHSE
the name of every newspaper published, hav
ing a circulation rating in the American News
ia|er Directory of more than 2.1,(XJ0 copies each
issue, with the cost per line for advertising In
them. A list of the best papers of local circula
tion, in every city and town of more than 1,000
population with prices by the inch for one
month. Special lists of daily, country, villugc
aud class papers. Itargaiu offers ot value to
small advertisers or those wishing to experi
ment Judiciously with a small amount of money.
Shows conclusively "how to get the most ser
vice for the money," etc., etc. Sent post paid
to any address for 80 cents. Address, (J so. P.
ItoWKLL Ac Co., Publishers and General Adver
tising Agents, 10 Spruce Street, New York City.
w C. D. ROHRBACH,
Dealer In
Hardware, Paints, Varnish,
Oil, Wall Paper, Mining
Tools and mining Sup
plies of all kinds,
Lamps, Globes, Tinware, Etc.
Having purchased the stock
of Wm. J. Eckert and added a
considerable amount to the
present stock I am prepared to
sell at prices that defy compe
tition.
Don't forget to try my special
brand of MINING OIL.
Centre Street, Freeland Pa.
E. M. GERITZ,
23 years in Germany and America, opposite
the Central Hotel, Centre Street, Freelaeu. The
Chcupcst Repairing Store in town.
Watches. Clocks and Jewelry.
New Watches, Clocks and
Jewelry 011 liaiul for the Holi.
clays; the lowest cash price in
town. Jewelry repaired in
short notice. All Watch Re
pairing guaranteed for one
year.
Eight Day Clocks from $3.00
to $13.00; New Watches from
SLOO up.
E. M. GERITZ,
Opposite Central Hotel, Centre St., Freeland.
GO TO
Fisher Bros.
Livery Stable
FOR
FIRST-CLASS TURNOUTS
At Short Notice, for Weddings, Parties and
Funerals. Front Street, two squures
below Freeland Opera House.
~ JOB
PRINTING
BXXOUTXD AT THIS OfFKB AX
Lowest Living Prices.
corns e@E!
The undersigned has been appoint
ed agent for the sale of G. B. Markle
& Co.'s
Highland Goal.
The quality of the Highland Coal
needs no recommendation, being hand
picked, thoroughly screened and free
from slate, makes it desirable for
Domestic purposes. All orders left
at the TRIBUNE office will receive
prompt attention.
Price $3.75 per two-horse wagon
load. T. A. BUCKLE*, Agent.
PETER TIMONY,
BOTTLER,
And Dealer in all kinds of
Liquors, Beer and Porter,
Temperance Drinks,
Etc., Etc.
Geo.Ringler&Co.'s
Celebrated LAGER BEER put
in Patent Sealed Bottles here
on the premises. Goods de
livered in any quantity, and to
any part of the country.
FREELAND BOTTLING WORKS,
Cor. Centre and Carbon Sts., Freeland.
(Near Lehigh Valley Depot.)
H. M. BRISLTN,
UNDERTAKER
AND
Also dealer in
FURNITURE
of every description.
Centre Street, above Luzeirne, Freeland.
/
[SPAVIN CUREIM
The Most Successful Remedy ever dlscov.
•red, as It is certain in its effects and does not
blister. Read proof below:
_ „ _ BROOKLYN, Conn., May 5, 'DO.
Da. B. J. KENDALL CO.:
Sirs Last Summer I cured a Curbupon my horse
with your eelebrateil Kendall's Spavin Cure and It
was the l>est Job I ever saw done. I have a dozen
empty bottles, having ui<*d it with perfect success,
curlug every thing I tried It on. My neighbor had
a horse with a very bad Spavin that made him lame.
He asked me how to cure It. I recommended
Kendall's Spavin Cure. He cured the Spavin in
Just three weeks.
Yours respectfully,
WOLCOTT WITTER.
_ _ COLCRBCS, Ohio, April 4, *9O.
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.:
Dear Sirs I have been selling more of Kendall'9
Spavin Cure and Flint's Condition Powders than
ever before. One mau wild to me, It was tho best
Powder I ever kept aud the best he ever used.
Respectfully,
OTTO L. HOFFMAN.
CTIITTENANOO, N. Y., May 19, 9a
DR. B. J. KF.NDALL CO..
Dear Sirs:-I have used several bottles of your
Kendull's spavin Cure with perfect success, on a
valuable and blooded mare that wns quite lame
with a Bone Spavin. The inare is now entirely free
from lameness and shows no bunch the joint.
Respectfully, F. H. HUTCHINS.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE.
„ . „ „ MOXIIOE, La., May 8, >9O.
DR. B. J. KENDALL Co.,
Geutsl tbluk It tnv* duty to render you my
thuuks for your far famed Kendall's Spavin Cure.
I had a four year old filly which I prized very
highly. She had a very severe swollen leg. I tried
about eight different kinds of medicines which did
no good. I purchased a bottle of your Kendall's
Spavin Cure which cured her in four days.
I remain yours,
MARION DOWDEN.
Price $1 per bottle, or sir bottles for s.*. All drug,
gists have it or can get 11 for you, or It will be sent
to any address ou receipt of prico by the proprie
tors. DU. 11. J. KEN DA LI. CO.,
EnoMbnrgh Falls, Vermont.
A. RUDEWICK,
GENERAL STORE.
SOUTH HEBERTON, PA.
Clothing, Groceries, Etc., Etc.
Agent for the sale of
PASSAGE TICKETS
From all the principal points in Europe
to all points in the United States.
Agent for the transmission of
MONEY
To all parts of Europe. Checks, Drafts,
and Letters of Exchange on Foreign
Bunks easlied at reasonable rates.
S. RUDEWICK,
Wholesale Dealer ID
Imported Brandy, Wine
And All Kinds Of
LIQUORS.
THE BEST
Beer,
Sorter,
-A-le And
Brown Stotat-
Foreign and Domestic.
Cigars Kept on Hand.
S. RUDEWICK,
SOUTH HEBERTON.
A pamphlet of information andab-AOV
street of the laws, showing How to/V
Obtain Patents, Caveats.
Marks, Copyrights, sent
#NN A
Broadway,
New York.