THE CAR PORTER BY JOHN PK wirr. If you travel a* you'd oußhter You will uuet the colored porter, Who with wiiil® "Pn biß Up Will expt ct from you a tip. He is found on every sleeper, Full of learning, and it's cheaper, Jf you'd like to learn it all, Just to tip a silver ball. If you try to shake this porter, And refuse a paltry quarter, When you need him you may call, But you'd better wait till fall. If you tip him, lie's a dandy, Willi 11 pillow that is handy, And a bottle, cool as ice, Holding something awful nice. You w ill find ho in a rusher, Just the slickest kind of bmslier. And before you leave the car, Olil "He'll be dar! il< 11 be dar.* TULA VELASQUEZ. 1 13Y AD H. GIBSON. rzZStt friend Leo Gordon was a w had sorv fiture at the termination of the civil struggle, with its very unexpected re sult, so much as the spirit of adven ture, which led Leo to abandon his plantation 011 the Pearl ltiver and seek that land of thrilling romance, Mex ico, then in a belligerent state. Leo cast his fortune with the army of Juarez, then lighting bitterly against Maximilian, and many were his bravo deeds, which won for him the respect of his comrades and the great chief himself. But it is not of my friend's services in that struggle I shall write, but of a certain adventure, rose-hued deeply with romance, that was far from an ordinary one, in which Leo played a prominent part. With several comrades my friend had gone one night to the luxurious hacienda of a very wealthy Mexican ranchero, and begged the savage kiwed master to let tliom pass the night there. Their request was at first refused, but after much persuasion it was some what sullenly granted. The hacienda had a long, partially furnished wing that was not used by the ranchero's family; this was as signed to the accommodation of the half-dozen Americans who had asked to pass the night in the hacienda, and where they should remain wholly to themselves. The moon was up and silvering the brow of a warm, delicious niglit with a wealth of pellucid splendor. Glauciug out of one of the long, narrow windows of the wing, Leo beheld the ample flower-gardens of his host. The beau tiful blossoms, with their rich per fumes wafted to him ever and anon by the bland south winds, carried the young Southerner back to his home on the Vearl, with its flower-decked walks and balmy nooks. So lost was he in the memories the lovely scene had aroused, that ho did not at first oh serve a young Mexican girl cautiously approaching the window from which he leaned. As she drew near the window the young soldier caught sight of her. She raised one hand in warning, and placed the forefinger over her crimson lips to enjoin his silence. "This is mystery personified," said Leo to himself. But ho kept silent. He did not even shift his attitude, as he did not wish to arouse his companions, who were rest ing on the couches of the large apart near by, and lie feared any movement on* is part might disturb them. So he watched carefully every step of the Mexican girl, and waited to learn the meaning of her strange pro ceduie. As she stood with her fingers ovei her lips, she glanced.quickly over hei shoulder to make certain that her movements were not observed by any other than the American with whom her business* evidently lay. Assuring herself that she had not not been watched or suspected, she glided close up to the window and whispered in a hasty but musical voice: "Look, senor! I place this down here for you. Got out and read it as soon as I am gone." As sho spoke she stooped and placed a note under a rose-hush. Then, plucking several blossoms from tlio bush, to avert suspicion if she was seen in that quarter, she turned and left him without vouchsafing another glance in his direction. Leo's curiosity was deeply stirred. Here was promise of romance and ad venture certainly. He gazed after the girl until she was lost to view. He remarked that the girl was very pretty, but ho was satis lied she was not of the higher walks of life. When they had ridden into the plaza that evening he had noticed, at the blinds of the easement, several feminine forms and faces. But they had so concealed themselves that Leo and his companions had caught but a transient glimpse of them. "I'm ever ready to take part in an adventure," he uttered to himself, "and I'll secure that note beneath the rose if tlio old duenna herself rules the garden." Ho walked to the door, opened it, and passed out. He looked about him. No one was in sight. With an elastic spring his strong, well-trained limbs oarricd him over the fence which shut in the garden from their quarters. Once over the fence, Leo sauntered rather carelessly toward the bush where the note lay hidden for him. Feigning to admire the roses, ho stooped, and with quick grasp pos essed himself of the mysterious note. He was walking leisurely bai k to cover, with tlio delico tely scented note thrust in his breast, v hen his steps were vast ly accelerated by a lingo Mexican bloodhound suddenly materializing among the bushes at the other end of the garden, And plunging after him. Leo felt that the dark orbs of the fair lady might be following him, and he would fain have been dignified in his retreat. But he found it very ex pedient to change his will in the case, after jne sweeping glance into the ca pacious red mouth of the canine mon ster in hot pursuit, who had been so speedy to resent an intrusion on his master's private and beautiful grounds. L,eo said farewell to dignity for that time, and vaulted the fence in the face of liis savage foe. He just made his escape and no more. He congratulated himself, as he hastily entered their part of the hacienda, that the Mexican dress he wore had no superfluous coat tails to have suffered an inglorious diminution in length, as it 110 doubt would have done. Safe within the quarters that had been assigned to him and his compan ions Leo broke the seal of the dainty little note, and with eager eyes perused the following lines: BENOIIS AMBBICANOS: Tins is written you by an unfortunate maiden who, believ ing In your nobleness of soul, implores you to save her from a cruel fate. My father, the ranohero. who reluctantly permits vou to pass the night under bis roof, is forcing mo this night to wed an officer of Maximilian's army whom I hate most vehemently; but ho holds some ereat power over my father, and lam to bo the victim. „ ... The one I truly lovo is El Capitnn Ezual do. on© ot tho bravest in our chief (Juarez's) army, and I am very desirous of flying to his protection. . , Tho ceremony is to bo hblu at 10 o clock to-night, when that detested man. Col. Henrique Fernandez, will be hero to claim my unwilling heart and hand. Ho dare not venture within the lines of Juarez, except under tho cover of deep night. The little ohapol. which is opposite tho wing you now occupy, is where tho mar riage rites will bo porformod. In writing this. good, bravo Senors Americanos. I appeal to you to save mo from this living death, and ill doing so you will ever receive tho sincere prayers of poor, unhappy TULA VELASQUBZ. p. s.—My trusty maid. Zela. will have horses ready in tho grove beyond tho gar den, and we beg to fly under your protec tion to that of my noble Ezualdo. T. V. Leo read the note over several times and then said to himself: "Of course I'll do all she asks and more, too, for my friend, Ezualdo. This is the girl I have heard the young officer mention with such deep esteem so often when we were together in camp. This promises more romance I linn anything it has been my lot to be mixed up in for a long time. We may as well get ourselves ready, I suppose, and consult each other in the matter." | So saying, he aroused his sleeping I comrades and told tliem of Tula Velasquez's appeal to them for help from the cruel union her father was forcing upon her. The party happened to be composed of young men of adventurous spirits, ami most of them knew the handsome, noble Ezualdo in Juarez's army, and were willing to engage in any combat or undertake any enterprise, no matter how daring, if. in so doing, they served him or his chief, Juarez. They accordingly made themselves ready and waited for the hour of ten to roll round. Leo was 011 watch at the narrow window, and when, at last, ho saw the bridal ] arty moving swiftly and as silently as specters towards tbe little chapel, lie gave the signal to his com panions to follow him. Very soon the little party was joined by six uninvited guests. The ranchero, who was leading tho lovely but unwilling Tula, halted near the door of the chapel and looked back. Perhaps he had detected the tread of the Americans, although they had arrived almost noiselessly. At the same time a tall, middle-aged Mex ican officer, Henrique Fernandez, the would-be bridegroom, who was a litilo in advance of the bride and her father, and who was attended by two younger officers, all dressed in very gorgeous uniforms, became aware of the attend ance of the American soldiers. Tho party stopped. Henrique Fernandez, in an imperious voice, demanded: "Don Velasquez, why this intrusion, and who are the strangers?" The moon bad lowered herself be hind a bold range of mountains in the west ere this, hence only the dim out lines of the intruders could be made out. and nothing of faces and dress could lie distinctly seen. "It is the Senors Americanos," re plied the savage voice of Velasquez. "Why are you here, senors?" he de manded. Leo boldly stepped before the ranch ero as he replied: "Don Velasquez, you aie cruelly forcing your child to marry one whom "POSSESSED HIMSELF OF THE MYSTERI OUS NOTE." her soul detests, this night, while her heart is in the keeping of tho brave Ezualdo, of Juarez's army. It is to save Tula Velasquez from the evil fate you seek to force upon lier that we are here." With a glad cry, Tula Velasquez tore herself from her father's side, and rushed to the side of Leo just as lie he struck the revolver, which the Mexi can officer had leveled in his face, from his hand. Quickly leveling his own in the face of Henrique Fernandez, he said: "You are my prisoner. Colonel Fer nandez. Stir from your tracks at your peril." The Mexican officer knew he was no match for the young American, and one glance had been sufficient to show liirn that the least disobedience would invite bis death. But lie had not been forbidden to use his voice, so he yelled to Velasquez, who seemed too dazed at the unexpected attack to move, "DOll \ elasquez, call upon your servants for help, and my men without!" Ihe young officers who had accom panied Fernandez bad all they could do in a hand-to-hand struggle with two robust Americans. But the struggle was of short duration, for the young Mexicans soon surrendered. The ranch ro gave a f ©bio call foi help, which some of the men-servants quickly answered. A sort of melee commenced, that w as brought 011 110 0110 could tell exactly how. Pistol shots rang out on the still night air, by the chapel door, and the women servants shrieked and fled through the trees, the priest shouted to be heard above the din in vain; and in the height of it all, Leo, with a severe wound in his left arm, received lie scarcely know how, cut his way out with Colonel Fernandez, his prisonei still. Tula Velasquez and her maid, /ela, were by his side, and the other Americans followed fast behind. "Here, through tbe garden to yon grove!" whispered Tula Velasquez to Leo. "\\ e shall find horses there foi our escape. Go not out at the front entrance, as Mexican soldiers left 011 the plaza by Colonel Fernandez will again oppose us." It did not require much time to reach the grove pointed out by Tula Velas quez, and where they found their w DON VELASQUEZ, WHY THIS INTRUSION ?" j horses ready lor tn'em, as tne I maid, had said. They soou mounted | and rode away, with the shouts of ! Mexican soldiers, trying to find their route of escape, ringing in their ears. When at last their trail was discov ered the Mexicans gave them a hot cliase for a short distance; but as they got near Juarez's camp they abandoned the pursuit. Leo and his comrades dashed into cam)), where the lovely Tula was surrendered to her lover, Ezualdo, and the prisoners to Juarez himself, who found in Colonel Fer nandez ft foe lie had long desired to capture. My friend's wound was so obstinate in healing he was compelled to leave | the service soon after the adventure 1 just narrated. Before lie quit Mexico. ! however, he saw Tula Velasquez and Ezualdo happily made one. 1). L. MOODY'S LIFE WORK. It Is to Culminuto ill a Theological School ill Chicago. There will soon be opened in Chicago a theological school that will be unique among contemporary institutions for religious training. It is to be called the Bible Institute and is intended foij the education and practical training of evangelists. While in some outward features it will resemble the theologic al seminary of the regulation type, as conducted by all the Protestant denom inations of the present day, in other more essential points it will bo anal ogous to the schools of the prophets as they are believed to have existed in ()ld Testament time. It will be con ducted under the auspices of the Chi cago Evangelization Society. D. L. Moody, the originator and propagator of the innovation, is also to be its Presi dent. Over $250,000 lias been con tributed by wealthy friends of Mr. Moody living in Chicago to build and endow the Bible Institute. The inception of the project is not new. For at least fifteen years Mr. Moody has had the desire to establish such a school. "Do the work of an evangelist" has been the working motto of his life. In his view the evangelist's work was not less essential or import ant than that of the settled pastor and preacher. But there were fewer to understand it and fewer to make it a success. Nor was there any school for educating evangelistic workers, al though there were many seminaries for the lifting of young men for the regu lar ministry. This dam in the Chris tian lines it became Mr. Moody's am bition to fill, but not until recently was he able to interest the people and open their purses to foward this scheme. The important distinction between this Bible institute and the ordinary theological seminary is in the course of study. Instead of taking a Greek oi Hebrew testament for the text-book, Mr. Moody will take the English Bible. Polemic theology, except so much as may be considered essential in combating assaults of infidels, will bo as far as possible relegated to the background. The outline of study is as follows: "The doctrinal and practical teach ings of the Bible will bo the main sub jects of study, together with its au thenticity and history. Christian doctrine, sin, redemption, the person and oflices of the Redeemer, justitica tion, faith, etc. English exegesis, typology, elementary church history, Christian evidences, and the study of separate books of the Bible will form | an important part of the course ot ! study. Some treatise on mental sci ence will have a placo in the curricu lum. The method of using the Bible ir dealing with inquirers will also receive attention." , The hill course of study will require two years. A shorter courso will bi arranged for one year. She Obeyed Orders* Harriet Boeclier Stowo's son, Rev. Charles E. Stowe, of Hartford, Conn., met with an experience the other even ing which completely nonplused him. One evening quite recently he dined with Mrs. J. W. Boardrnan, proprie tress of the Hotel Woodruff. Visiting Mrs. Boardrnan is a cute little niece about live years of age. She is a reg ular chatterbox and makes many bright remarks during a day. Fearing lesti the child would astonish the preacher l by some outlandish saying her aunb warned her to keep mum during the dinner. The admonition was listened to with awe, and at the table the little one scarcely dared look at Mr. Stowe, not wishing to commit a supposed sin. While the servant was absent from the room the little girl noticed there was i no butter on her small pink dish. She didn't mind holding her tongue, I but to cat bread without butter—that would never do. She took a survey of the table, and lo and behold ! the but ter dish was right in front of the preacher. Wistfully she gazed at both for a few seconds. Never in her brief existence did she appear so pensive. Then gathering all her courage and clearing her throat, she said: "Dear pastor, won't you please, for Christ's sake, pass the butter?" Rev. Mr. Stowe never received sucli a shock. He leaned over in his chair to pick up u napkin, which of course had not fallen. Mrs. Boardrnan must at that moment arrange a window cur tain, and the other guests were sud denly troubled with a friendly cough. Little Mabel, self-satisfied that she liad doue the proper caper, was the only one at the table who could posi tively prove that sho was alive. — Chi cago Times. JJITTI.E J-.tnci iess tnan tnree years old, saw a man walking along the street with his arm in a sling. "Oh, mamma," she cried, "there goes a man with his arm in a hammock!" LETTER FROM HILL NYE. THE POLICE OF THE OLl> AND NEW WORLDS COMPARED. Different Nations (live to tlo (liiardiun o the I'eace Peculiar Emblems and Pe culiar Methods—Hill's Varied Experi ences While Under Arrest. f~ WOULD very muoh liko. with the read er's permission, to draw a few compar isons between the average policemen of Now York, l'aris. and London, writes Bill Nye in tho Chi cago Herald. Tho says: "I don't care a danir who makes try. so that I kin knack all tho nawz av the men that wiolates them." Ho is proud of the position. He would rather be the proud guardian of a 1 eat than to bo a foreign ministor with a foreign con gregation and only two donations per year. He ulso wears good-fitting clothes and is proud of his job. The American policeman, though at times the victim of insomnia, is tho best-looking spocinion of manhood, [ think, of tho three. Ido not say this in order to stand well with the police of my own country alone, for I llnd that I am about as likely to be arrested in one country as another, but truth and justice demand that I should say honestly that the poliou of our own country stand at the head of their profession, also at the head of their victim, and look better by a large percent age. This is especially tiu> of our more thoroughly American policemen from Ger many and Ireland. Different nations give to tho policeman peculiar emblems and peculiar methods. The New York corner carries a club which gets heavier as the sun goes down. The Fronch policeman carries a short stub knife, with which he is supposed to neatly scoop out the 80th Thomas works of those who resist him. hut I am told that there is 110 sword in tho tin scabbard, only a dum my handle for style—just as B. Wall used to carry seven or eight different colored silk umbrella covers in which he would In sert his cane from time to time, thus ap parently wearing an umbrella for each hour j of the day at u great roduction of expense. 'lho London policeman carries a mys terious weapon which it took me all of one forenoon to fully understand the principle of. But I found outa'ter a while. It was u long, blaek. shiny cylinder, hanging at the side and looking like a little juvenile cannon without a breech. Finally I got so curious I gavo a largo, corned-beef police man tlnippenee to tell me about it. Ho I then unrolled the gun and I saw that it was a kind of mackintosh made of oilcloth to be worn when it rains, which it sometimes does in London, especially during what is called tho rainy season. Tho English policeman regards his oflloo with a peculiar veneration, exceeded only by the awe with which ho regards himself. His jaw is kept in pluoo by a strong, black shiny strap which passes under the chin and prevents the mouth from falling open in such away as to admit (lies or other in sects. '1 he London policeman rar< ly speaks to any one, but tho silent way in which 110 controls the carriages, cabs and pedestri ans, compelling nervous Americans to "keep to tho loft." when they have always been in tho habit of keeping to the right, challenges the admiration of tho civilized U LJ U L. ~ j NYE'S FIFBT A Hit EST. . world and awakens a feeling of profound j admiration even in tho calm and padded bosom|of tho policeman himself. And yet this same man is in a degree corrupt. With a shilling one may blunt tho moral sense of a whole squa I. With a six penoo you may select tho style of Indignity which vou would liko to present to one of them, not for the intrinsic vulue but as a mark of osteeni. I was at tho opening of tho trial of Mrs. Maybriek in Liverpool. The police guarded the entrance to tho great court house whore tho pure Juice of Justlco was so soon to be squeezed from tho ripe knowlodgo of an average jury instructed by a peculiar judge. I stood about, hoping to bo drawn | on the jury myself, but was unsuccessful. I could not conceal my intelligence, and so other men were chosen. If I kad been on the jury I would have been there yet, I think. As I understood tho case, it was a trial on tho charge of willful negligence or adultery. If I am the wife of a man who eats arsenic betwoon meals for twenty years and at tho ond of that time I find that he tails to got up for his breakfast, having dm ing the' night ascended tho flume, and I am arrested, and though it is not proved at all that I gave him tho arsenic, it is shown that four years ago I neglected to pay my gas bill or wrote a poem 011 spring, am I to bo hung for murder or seared to death in my cell, and then given a life sentence? 1 trust not. But I was speaking of tho police. I notice this difference between the methods of po licemen In the countries named. Whenar- EXCHANGING CONFIDENCES. rested in London I was taken in tho tondei spot just above the elbow. In l'aris the d'atmo took me politely as one would take the arm of a ladv who had thieatenudto be a sister to him. In New Yot k the ilrst time I was uriosted. it I am not mistaken, tho policeman took IUO by tho rear of tho coat collar ami by a dexterous twist of the wrist asphyxiated mo in a few moments so that I could see the heavens roll to gether like a scroll. I lost consciousness . for a little time, and all was a blank. II 1 I had not accidentally caught a reviving whiff of the policeman's breath I guess I would not have boon ro.su at all. The Parisian policeman, I must say. Is inlerior in his general appearance. 80 Is the average French soldier. I used to won der how France could maintain a large army while she was so poor and In debt, but 1 see It ull now. Bhe saves many mill ions of irancs each year by making the tails of tho coats of the military shorter as times get harder and also shortening the waists of tho same. It has got so now that the lwo coat-tail buttons and the collar button behind are almost In a row. Added to that, tho French soldier Is get ting smaller every year. If I had to light in a real wur I would rather bo attacked. I think, by a French soldior in the short-tail coat and wide, red-cotton trousers than by any other adversary I can think of They are not the kind of soldiers who sustained the remarkable supremacy of the Emperor. Tho French policeuiun wears anavv-blue coat tnai ma nun in a ramming ana aosui- I tory way. He also wears linen trousers which should have tatting around the bor- i dors, but the republic Is at present In such u chaotic and turbulent state that it is al most impossible to got the tatting appro- j priation through. These white linen trou- I aors, costing, wo will say. two francs f. o. b.. that is to say. 40 cents free 011 board tho cars, are tho sole covering of tho l'aris po liceman's legs. Hence he alwuys has tho air of a boy who has boon recently chas tised. He carries, as I say. a short THE LONDON BOBBY'S MACKINTOSH. sword or iron stab knife, which adds some dignity to his otherwise apologetic appear ance. Some will say that I am severe to the French police, but. I reply, not so severe as he has been on me. Wist right has an olll cor to arrest me in a language which I do not protend to understand and herald my name all through Europe without paying tho slightest attention to tho remarks which I made in tho purest English of which I was master? I say, and I say it in sten torian tones, that no country except, America can hope to be groat which makes up her entire police force of for eigners. In Ireland the police are ulso foreigners, but they speak very good English. I warf not urrested in Ireland. I bought a sprig of shamrock, however, and brought it homo in a little flower-pot. I sat up nights 10 keep It alive, and watered it with my tears while ill on tho ocean. But thank heaven it pulled through at last and is alive and growing on my country seat. But it is not Shamrock. It is Clover. And Mighty poor clover at that! If the Irish relief fund is not so large this year as usual, tho public will under-' stand why it is thus. Our jaunting car-driver was an Irishman. Ho was an extremely entertaining one-also.' Very polite and a good singer. He had the! stars and stripes tied to his whip, and so* ho had a good many American dollars atj the end of the year which ho puts intd pounds, shillings and pence. Ho told hie all übout Ireland, so I know more about] the inattor than I ever did before, I be-; iiove. 1 Then I tried to get even by tolling him, about our glorious country. I spoke of thej marvelous growth and wealth of tho re-i public: also of our cordiality toward for-j eignors who desired to come hero and vote our way as soon as possible. Then I told him about tho groat agricuU tural resources of our country and the) mighty cyclone of tho West, which is ah Id to pull an artesian well wrong side out likd the Anger of a glove, and leave it sticking nine hundred feet up into space like a soia thumb. I then spoke briefly but foolinghj Of the far West; the gold and Silver an<{ canned goods, wild animals and despera does, the high mountains, tho wealth oj timber, the rarity of the atmosphere! which enables 0110 to easily see uc oss ait entire State, and which makes tho bore oj an ordinary revolver look like tho Hoosad Tunnel. All these 1 told him about as wo rode gaylv along in our russet-colored jaunting-car, with Maud 8. doing the pull- Maud 8. is abny mare of about mid lie age. with a green grass stylo of emoonpointi as we say in Franco, which prevents hoi attaining a great velocity without training down a good deal. After I had told tho driver all I could think of he yawned a little, I thought, and said: "Yes. I am always Interested id Amoriky, and shall be all my loif, for I liveu in Montany eight years mesilf!" I then spoke of tho scenery through which we wore passing. Oeorge W. Floyd bought a-small flask of Irish whisky while we were on tho old sod. I drank some of iq on the way over here. I now see why Ire land feels that she has boon grievously! wronged. That is exactly tho way I felt. We also bought several shillalahs, some times called tho original Home. They are made of black thorn, with a protuberance on tho top, out of tho root of the thorny This nob robounds from tho head witlj great elasticity, so as to givo several blown with only one propulsion, so to speak. This, combine'l with tho popular beverage, seems to offer the best facilities in Ireland! fo spirited and earnest controversies oveij anything which may present itself. But! seriously, tho Emerald Islo seems to bd more hopeful of peace and prosperity than for many years post, according to tho au-1 thorlty of tho best-read Irishmen, and es-' peoially of the clergy, among tnem tho vory 1 Rev. James Hegaity. who was a fellow pas-j sengor, and who talked very cheerfully 01 the Irish situation at prosont, feeling, as ha said, that it must very Isoon, and without! serious disturbance, adjust itself to the' satisfaction of everyone, with tho exception! of those. 1 erhaps, whose opinions are nod valuable. Next to tho policeman, tho railway guard, of tho old country interests me. Having' been accustomed to tho clear, rosonunt and elocutionary elevated railway guard and his bright, or isp remarks about the stations, as we pass along. I was ill-proparod to bei fastened Into a railway carriage by myself.* with no conductor to convorso with, 110! brakeman to boie a hole into tho effete at mosphere with his cork-screw voice, no| peanuttor to come and lean a whole circu lating library on my bosom or show 1110 the! scenery as ho pointed out the beauties of: our latest and most successful smutty novel' frosh from the hands of its bright young schoolgirl author. That is why I was oarried past my station, and instead of Liverpool I turned up atj Scotland Yard once, and at another time, inj gazing up the Thames. I found myself, after] a little nap, at a station callod Chester.) Several times I was curried to tho end of the road when I hna intended to stop on; tho way. and I *vould have lost a good deal 1 of time only that one can only go far enough away from London so that he will bo aide to get back in ha''' an hour. If one should go further than that ho would drown. PITH AND POINT. PERSPIRATION never rains but it pores. VOLTINO into the unknown—Death by electricity. A SYNDICATE of cattlemen has a per fect right to water its stock. IT'S odd how much food a horse can go Without and still he 110 faster. THE waiter girl is different from a poet. She is not born; she is maid to order. THE fly-wheel is tho anarchist of mo chanics. It is always engaged in revo lutions. CHICAGO lias a gigantic leather trust. The increasing size of the women's shoes render it necessary. WHY don't they select sailors as base ball umpires? A tnr ought to ho a good judgo how a thing is pitched. WHEN a married woman goes out to look after her rights her husband is usually left at home with liis wrongs. A WESTERN jeweler, whose store was attached by a Buffalo (N. Y.) creditor, posted his notice on the door. "Closed to meet Buffalo Bill." QUEEN of Spain—(Good gracious I The baby king has the stomach-ache. Lord Chamberlain (excitedly)— Call the Secretary of the Interior! OMAHA TEACHER— I would like some one of tho class to define the meaning •of vice vei-Ra. Bright hoy—lt's sleep | ing with your feet towards the head of the bed. THEY sal within tho parlor dim And fretfully she lain to him: "I wish, dear John, that you'd behavo, If not, I wish that you would shave." —Boston Courier [WICKED MONTE CARLO. A PLACE WHERE GAMBLING KEINS KIOT. • ■ An Entertaining Hl&tory of the Greatest Sporting Resort in the World— Roulette and Other Seductive Games Described —Systematic Players. f HE greatest gambling resort in the world is -Vionto Carlo. Monaco. It is tho gumbler's dream of paradiso fully realized. Monaco is tliat little rocky mountainous cornor of Fiance which juts into the Gulf of Gonoa. France is on one side and Italy t lie other. Monte Carlo is on the railway, about midway between ' Nice and Genoa. The owner, ruler, or whatever you may call inn, of this little princpulitv. is Charles gn.. do Grim aldi, who is known as fi|ggFs3 D r i ~ l c o Charles 111. of Mona- flHjgss:=3oo. The kingdom is the smallestprincipal ity on the face of tho globe. In fact, the width of the Prince's dominion does not exceed some 48.) yards. Thu* the troops—for at the present timo Monaco : pos sos s e 1 1"." * " Jan army—are com i polled, whei 7 they want to exercise i their marks- * * uiansliip. to face tho sea. Other- wise tho balls would trespass up- , .on French torritoiy. Tho to tall—--—'superficies of tho prin cipality is barely 250 acres, and yet the Prince coins money bearing his own imugo and since Jan. 1 issues stamps similarly impressed with his por- /TV Htrait. He is grand master of af\ Ikingly or der, which he distrib-LL .lutes witb much parsimony. Hoi k--^T^accre d its umbas.-adors to foreign powers calls all Europoun sov- eloigns hia .cousins. and. happier than they he fears neither ministerial crises nor revolutions. The etiquette ol his oourt is of tho most sevore tyre; his castle is a little wonder, and hia art collection is one of tho best which could bo desired, In this country, so blessed by Providence, the Financo Minister has noth ing whatever to do, for tho simple lea son that ail taxes have been abolished. The Minister of War finds it impossible to take uctivo action, for his ninety-two in fantry men are only cognizant of two drills —thoso of presuming arms to tho Prince 1 and firing at the fishes. The Minister of | Marino has only one duty, that of seeing ' that tho twelve sailors of the Prince's yacht are ready to go to sea when needed. Iho Minister of Public Works has no work to because the public property is only composed of a gardon and throe streets. | Tho busiest oi all ofilcials is the Ministor ; for Foreign Affairs, whose duty it is to as -1 sure all the powers that the Prince of Mo- I naco has no intontion of troubling the peaco | of Europe. I This littlo rock lias suffered muny vicissl l tudos, for tho Princes of Monaco have not always been rolling in wealth. In order to keep thoir heads above water the Grimaldis have been compelled in by-gone days to seek the protection of many sovereigns, and tho Castle of Monaco has housed in I turn Spanish. English, French and Pied moutese garrisons. Over tho citadel vari ous European flags havo floated until tho j day whon tho real power of tho state pass- I ed into the liunds of the gaming authorities. The French revolution of 1789 h it the then : ruler in a bad way. and in 1817 Monaco I passod under the protection of the King of I Sardinia. In opposition to the. former cus | torn of the French king. who. while the 1 l'rinco of .Monaco was under tho Proteetor -1 ate of Franco, had granted largo sums for hi* support, tho Sardinian king cave him nothing. Thus tho Prince was forced to 'ivo upon tho necessities of his subjocts, ana when, in tie of I*49* A couNTEii. rassinents woro becoming serious whon. in 1850. a public company solicited Irom him permission to establish a gaming table at Monaco. In exchange for this privilege the i company offered to pay a considera ble sum. The Prince accoptod this offer with much eagerness, and the gaming | tables woro accordingly established. They I were littlo known, however, and prospered but poorly, until Monsieur Blanc, who hud ! had considerable experience in tho organ ization of similar establishments, bought ! up tho concession, built tho Gasino of 1 Monte Carlo, and endowo I the "Soclote do Bains do Monaco," with tho reputation which thoy possess at tho present day. From that time an equilibrium in the 1 Prince's Budget was assured, and the j Societe do Monaco" pays tho Prince, pays 1 , tho administration, pays the judges, pays ' the clergy, pays tho army—and pays its slaveholders. "Tho Society of Baths of Monaco" is, of course, only a specious medical title usod to cloak tho roal busi ness of tho company, which is tho conduct i, of the great gaming establishment of Monto >1 Carlo. j "Professors" at Monte Carlo aro abun ■ , dant. One of them is a lady of a certain tnge. She will point out to you. of course for a consid eration, tho tnblo at which there Is tho best chance of winning. If necessary, for a ton-franc piece she will como early and keep a place for you. She deals in talismans, and has always in her pocket a pioce of the rope with whioh tho last criminal has been executed. J I Tho Casino, or gaming-house, stands out j amid a muss of verdure, near the railway i ! station. Tho path which loads to ths Casino is delight- V ful. Tho author!- / ties havo softened / dBKSy \ the inclines " n( l/ A JfeSr V * Vvu \ sanded tho alb'ysMpß-J orn.l until it resembles! N§ri JFJyjd] torrestriul pura-l v Mi j disc. No one can \ / I penetrate into tho / gaming saloon j a porsonal admission card; : —^ but tho special TIIK ROULETTE. I commissioner never refuses an application, What silenco in tho saloon! Tho room is j crowded, but no conversation whatever is heard; one sound alone meets tho curs, the : chink of golden coins which the oroupie- s are collecting with o their rukos. and pil- I , 2 j ing un In shining ! \ & *s T £"*-ihenps before them. § § Pretty "counters" are standing hoio ll ami the e. Two of x- 11 '± 1! illustrations * it 11 I show tho "roulette" vi,// 4 au I tho dixislons ~~ ~ of the table on K. A —' which tho players r A -j -- A a stake their money. * y y The mon- y which 11 J '|" visitor- may stako j* "U ,il one timo l.s Mm. Jted. tho smallest sum being about a THE TABLE. dollar, and the highest something liko one thousand two hundred dollars. '"lloulotte." or little wheel, is purely a game of chance. It is played on un oblong table covoioJ with g een cloth, in the center of which is a cav ity of little more than two feet in diameter in the shape of a punch-bowl. This cavity, which has nevorai copper bands round its sldos. at equal distances from each other, nus its sides fixed, but the bottom is mov ublo round an axis placed in the center, tho handle by whioh motion is communicated being a species of capstain of copper flxod on the tipper extremity of the axis. Bound tiio eircum'orenco of this movable bottom aro thirty-sev'-n holes, painted in black aud red alternately, with first thlity-six num bers and a zero, ns shown in the dia - rams. These thi.ty-sevon symbols are also figured at each end of the table in order that the players may place their stakes on the <•1 unco they select. Along tho margin of tho table are painted six words—pair, passe, HOT, impair, manque, rougo—which will be of lei ward explained. The game la usually pi area as rouown: one of tne tatt leurs, or -bankers." pus the movable bot tom in motion, by tuning the c oss with his foreflnge . and at the sime instant throws into the cavity i n ivory ball in a direction opposite to tie motion of the bottom; the bail mukes several revolu tions, and at last falls into one o> tho thirty-seven holes above mentioned, tho nolo into which it falls dete minim? the gain or loss of the players. A playor may stake his money on 1. 2. or any of tho thirty-seven numbers (including tho zero), and shows what number or numbers ho selects by plaolng his stake upon them; if ho has selected a number or zero cor responding to the one into whioh the ball falls, he receives from one of the taillorus thirty-six times his stake—viz., his stake and thlrty-flvo times more. If he selected two numbers he only receives eighteen times, thus only winning half what he would have done had ho staked tho whole on one number; if threo numbers twelve times, etc. This is called "jouor a eheval." The rectangles at the bottom of each of tho three columns of numbers figured on tho table, are for the reception of tho stnko of that player who selects a column (twelve numbers) as his chance, and If the ball enters a hole the numbor of which is found in his column, he Is paid three times his stako. Those who prefer staking their money on any of the ohanoes BEAUTY AND THE BEABT. marked on the edge of the table, if they win. receive double thoi.- stako (their ta ank and tho pl iyers, or, as is more coinmonlv the case, they are "put in prison," as it is call d. and tho succeeding trial determines whether they are to bo ro-torod to the players or gained by the bank. Glance round at the players who are seated around tho green oloth. Thore are men of all ages, of all nationalities, and of all professions. Noxt to a Bussian sits a Frenchman; bosido an English man is a Gorman, a Turk, or a Greek. A prince elbows a wealthy tradesman; an old magis trate sits behind a thief. A be.tutiiul young woman comos bounein ' in with an oily looking old teilow who is old enough to be her groat-grand athor, Pictu o to yourself a splendid saloon brilliantly lighted by numerous chandeliers. Tho walls aro magnificently decorated, but the sole furniture of the room consists of tables and chairs. On each table may be seen a roulette wheel, miniature r*kes. and a locked box. Gradually the crowd en ters. and the gaming saloon is filled. Vis itors of tho most varie . types take their places round the tables, the croup-e s oome in. open the box. fill it with bank notes, and pile up Lelor • th< m heaps of gold. The play begins. Among scores of others, a young couplo enter. The lady is Frenoh; the man speaks English, but with a st ong American accent. Doubtless they are a nowly married oouple who have come to Monte Ca. lo for their honexraoon. Both take thoir places at the tublo and begin to "Tho 9th of December w is our wed-ling tlfty," whispers tho woman in her husband's oar; "suppose we choose tho No. 9; perhaps It will bring us luck?" "Just as you like," answers her husband, and they placed $5 on the No. 9. Tho ball is thrown, and whirls around the wheel. The husband, with is hands on tho table, awaits tho result almost with In difTeronoe. The ludy. somewhat less 0001. puts up her glasses to got a better view. The ball revolves for a long time, but even tually slackens Its pace, passes by the numbers 33. 1. 20. 14. 31. and finally stops at No. 9. Tho oioupior takes SIBO in gold, and, noisily sounding the eoinß. places them before the wifwho Hmilingly takes a rake, and hoaps up a little monument of gold. "If, Instead of $5." says tho husband, "wo had risked SIOO, we should have gained a small fortune. $3,(500, and we might have abandoned tho idoa of living on board our vossol." "Let us risk SIOO. as we havo won it It was on January 17 that, you wore so nearly drowned at sea with vour father and moth er; let us put sloo on No. 17." The SIOO are placed on No. 17. The ball revolves, and quite gently, as though guided by an invisible hand. Htops at No. 17. "Everyone for himself!" exclaims the hus band, gathering in the huge packet of notes which tho croupier passes him. "it Is I who risked the $100; the winnings should belong to mo." "I thought that between us all was in oom mon," said his companion timidly. "At play—no. I repeat everyone for him self." "Our winnings aro considerable." ven tured the lady. "Let us leave tho room, and go back to Marseilles, where your vessel awaits you." "You are mad; don't you see that I have a run of luck? I mean to broak tho bank." In fact, the young American, oxcited by his extraordinary suocofeß, begins to play wildly. lie plays long and disastrously. Luck Is against him. Ho loses everything, honor as woll as all of his money. Wild-eyed he deserts his brldo and his boat. It's tho old sbry. In a few days his body was washed ashore. Those incidents are of daily oc currence. Suicides are numbered by the score. When a play-r shoots himself, someone Is reuay to push his body aside aud take his place. Her Little <>aine, Mrs. Gall (in dry goods store) —I wish, if yon please, that you'd give me samples of six or seven different pat terns in surah silks and a few samples of colored velvet—a friend of mino would like them; and I'd liko a sam ple of this green India silk. I want a dress of some kind, and a sample of this figured silk, too, please, and one of this pink satin. Thanks. I'll de oide soon about the dress. Mrs. Gall (outside the store) —One, two, three, five, eight, eleven, fifteen —nineteen perfectly lovely samples in all! Six or seven more as large as these will make a whole block for my new crazy quilt. I'll go around to Ribbon & Linnen's and get them be fore I go home.— Drake's Magazine. A Real Rude Twaii. Boston girl—l don't like Uncle Ben & bit. He may know all about shi£s, but he doesn't know anything about etiquette. Her mamma—What's lie done, Eme lino V Boston girl- He told Charley last night he didn't like the cut of his jib. And you know, mamma, Charley doesn't wear jibs. She Wanted to Re a Capitalist. Ida—Mamma, don't capitalists have lots of money ? Mamma —Yes, my child. Ida —Isn't Washington the capital? Mamma—Yes. Ida—Well I wish papa would move to the capital, so we would be capital ists and have lots of money.— Chicago Ledger*