Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, September 19, 1889, Image 2
JL WITHERED ROSE. BY MANDA L. CBucKKB. •Throw it away :it i" d',' 11 '! : . , HUH lost it's spell <>' delight— i know ; hut iH of roil Lay 011 lur boHOiii last night. •Tin nil I've ' ,,f; °' 11 romaneo dear, •Tin nil I may call my own ; Tis nil i vo left of a year The sweetest my soul has known. It opened in glad surprise To the glorious heavenly dawn Of her beautiful dewyoyoH AH last night's hours sped on. "Throw it away ; it is dead—" 1 know ; hut "this and "good-by," A rose and a word she suid, For ine, can never die. Last night at the touch of her hand My hoiug thrilled with delight. Forgetful that time's shining sninl But measured lier love in its ilight. Enraptured, a man among men, 1 lived in a haven of bliss A heaven so real . hut tin n To-day I've nothing hut this t A lose all withered yes. dead ; Yes. withered and "dead you nro right But 1 mind its petals of rod On her hesoiu lay last night. RIGULANU, Mich. UNCLE BEN'S STORY. BY GEORGE H. COOMER. T.Tnclo Ben was long past going to sea, but bis stories of the deep were always interesting, for tlmy were tales of experience, and not of imagination. T recall one of them in particular, the incidents of which occurred in his youth, a little previous to tho war ol 1812. "At that time," lie began, "sailors had more to dread than now, for they were in constant dread of impressment by the British. Sometimes they would be picked up while on shore in the English ports, and whisked off oil board a man-of-war; but oftener they were seized on the broad ocean takon right off their own decks, and com pelled to serve among strangers. "How would it look at this day for a British officer to come on board ail American vessel and order the cap tain to muster his crow, just as slaves are brought out for an auction sale in the West Indies? Think of it! What would the newspapers say? What would the people say? What would the President say? Wouldn't there l>o a call to arms from Maine to Cali fornia? And wouldn't every man in the county, capable of shouldering a musket, be eager to volunteer for tho honor of our Hag?" Uncle Ben looked full of enthusiasm as lie said this; full, too, of a just in dignation at remembered wrongs. "But habit," the old mariner re sumed, "is everything. Our people had got in the way of looking upon En gland as having a kind of ownership of the ocean, and it took them a long while to forget this inherited feeling. "Why, some of our vessels, brought to by the British cruisers, would bo left with hardly men enough to work them into port. And yet, our folks took it as a matter of course, seeming to think that nothing could be done about it. Wasn't England tho 'mother country?' they said, and the 'mistress of the ocean ?' "Before going to sea, I got what was called a 'protection,' telling where I was born, how old, how tall J was, and what color my eyes were. The very fact that an American sailor should bo obliged to procure such a writing, with such an object, was enough to till one with shame. But, still worse, the thing did no good. "A 'protection,' in ro far as regarded the danger of impressment, was worth just its weight of blank paper, and no more. It is true that the British pro fessed to seize only their own country men; but, in reality, they paid no at tention to any affidavit of birth. 'Wd want men, and will have them,' they said; and that ended the matter. "All my sea-going acquaintances had the like passports, subscribed and i sworn to in proper legal form, and as I humiliating, under the circumstances, | as if in so many words they had asked ! John Bull to grant the bearers the lib erty of sailing on his big pond. "The one I carried answered very i well for three years, simply because it never happened to bo called for. and then, finding myself grown too tall and robust to answer the description, 1 got i another. "At that time I was going to Lisbon ; in the ship Rebecca. The captain was an excellent man, named Eddy, whose : family lived directly across the street from ours, and who had known me I from my birth. "The entire ship's company was made j up of our townspeople, so that when i we went out of port it hardly seemed ' like going away from home, we had so j many familiar associations in common. "The Rebecca reached Lisbon in about thirty days, and our stay there was very interesting. The foremast hands being all sober and well-inform ed men, there became treasured up in the forecastle a great deal of enter taining knowledge concerning the Portuguese and their country. "We had all heard the story of the destruction of old Lisbon by the tre mendous earthquake? of 1755, and im agination vividly painted the scene as we looked up and down the Tagus. "At the time we were there Marshal Junot, with a French army, had pos session of the city, for Napoleon had then just laid his hand upon Portugal. "I shall never forget the appearance of those French troops. Every morn ing they used to turn out for exercise, and I assure you they were no holiday j soldiers. f l lie grenadiers, especially, I were very imposing, for they wore huge , bearskin shakos, and were, besides, j taller than the others. "When, finally, we had secured our cargo of wine and dates, and were once more at sea, every one thought how much ho would have to tell upon get ting home; for all of us had friends, and dear ones, too, who would be glad j enough to hear every little? incident of the voyage recounted. "We took the? route usually followed j at this day by vessels from the south of Europe*, standing northwardly until j in the latitude of the? English Channel, | although considerably to the west ef it. I Thence we heaths! nearly iu u direct I course for the I'uited States. Our west longitude was now fast increasing, hut we? had not nin long in i thin .Uivctiun when a sail van observed bearing down upon us, ami, as sho drew nearer, wo discovered her to be a bn'g of-war. "She? fireel a shot ahead of us, ami Captain Eddy gave en tiers to haul ! around the? mainyard. He? looked ter ribly vexed and stern, but he? was in the lion's mouth, and could not liclo himself. ".Se> the Rebecca, with her fore top sail aback, lay fumbling in the? sea, with her headway entirely stopped. "The British cruiser also hove to, with her jib ami staysail loosely flau ping, and the canvas on her mainmast holding lier where she was. Then a Lieutenant, with a number of marines, came on board of us. The vessel alongside, lie said, was his Majesty's brig Falkirk, Captain Downs. "First he asked for the Rebecca's papers, and. having read tlieni, or dered our Captain to have all mus tered aft. " 'Von have no authority,' said Cap tain Eddy, 'to command mo in such manner. My men, 1 presume, are all 011 deck, and you can see them. 1 shall make no special muster of my crow.' "The British Lieutenant looked sur prised and angry. " 'do forward. Corporal,' he said to the petty officer of tlie marines; 'take a couple of men with yon, and rouse out anv of his Majesty's rim-a-ways thai yon find in the forecastle. I will teach you, sir,' he added, addressing Captain Eddy, 'to respect an order coining from one who bears a com mission from the King of Great Brit ain.' "No one was found in the forecastle, for the very good reason that wo were all above-board. And now the Lieu tenant proceeded to arrange us in a rank before him, ordering up his matiiips with their bayonets to compel obedience. "We numbered eight before the mast, all having 'protections,' made out in good faith, and sup] osed to cov er the necessary ground. With a strong appearance of contempt the British offi cer went through the farce of reading them. Then lie tore in two my own and those of three of my shipmates, crumpled them in his hand, and threw thorn overboard. " 'You four arc all English,' lie said; 'that is plain enough. I care nothing for your lying Yankee protections; you have only to get into that boat and return to your duty to your King and country.' "We refused positively. But what was the refusal of four unarmed sail ors, with the bayonets of ten marines at their breasts, and a twenty-gun brig -of-w ar lying hardly a cable's length away ? " 'Sir,' said Captain Eddy, turning to the Lieutenant, 'I appeal to your humanity and your honor. These young mou are my neighbors when at, home. I They are true-born Ameiicans. I have known tliem fiom childhood, and I have always been well acquainted with their families. If you take them you commit an outrage such as even | your own Government would not sanc tion.' " T have heard such talk before, j said tho officer, 'it is what thov al TTIF RED COATS DROVE US DOWN AT TJIE POINT OF THEIR BAYONETS. ways say. lou lnnkees should have learned before this that the royal navy is not to be defrauded by your miser able? evasions. Such papers as I have just thrown overboard pass among you from hand te> hand, answering for Yankees and foreigners alike; hut you perceive they have failed to serve their holders in this case.' "Then, turning to the marines, he added: 'Corporal, see that these men are got into the boat without delay.' " f J he red-coated soldiers encom passed us, putting the points of their bayonets through our clothing; and the Corporal attempted to take mo by the collar, but recoiled upon seeing my tist drawn back for a blow. "Captain Eddy looked sternly in tlio face of the Lieutenant. 'Bo, sir, you ; are resolved ?' he said. " 'Yes,' replied the officer, 'and I ! wish you to understand it. I have the | power to take these subjects of tlio : king, and that power I shall use.' " Very well,' returned the Cap tain; T am helpless to resist. But, -ir. if you can take my men, you can take my vessel. Hero, 011 the spot, I surrender the ship Rebecca to Captain Downs of his Britannic Majesty's brig Falkirk! " 'When you brace forward, I shall follow you. You will probably outsail mo, but, in that event, I shall make for the iirst English port, delivering up my ship as a prize captured upon the high seas by bis Majesty's crusier. " 'I will test this matter of impress ment to the very bottom; and. if Cap tain Downs should be found willing to stand a trial upon the question, iu the courts of England, bo may rest assured I shall be there!' "Such a declaration would have been astounding to the British Lieutenant could ho have believed tlio American shipmaster in earnest; but, as it was, he replied simply by some allusion to 'Yankee insolence,' and repeated his command to the corporal to bumllo us into the boat. "A semi-circle of bayonets fairly pushed us to the gangway, and, though we turned desperately upon tho sharp steel, it was only to receive wounds which, if not deep, were at least painful. "Captain Eddy, forcing his way be tween the soldiers ami ourselves, shook hands with us heartily before we went down our good ship's sido into the En glish boat. " 'Don't be down-hearted, my good lads,'he said; 'l'll see you through. This matter isn't to stop here! If they take you, they take 1110. And, remem ber,'ho added, with emphasis, 'that even English law does not sustain this thing. The officer at my elbow knows this us well as 1 do. Or, at least, if vou do not, sir,' he continued, address mg the Lieutenant, 'you are ignorant of the laws of your own country.' "It appeared to 1110 that the Briton, in spite of his bravado, looked a little Ktartled. He must have felt himself to be dealing with 110 ordinary man, and the idea probably flashed upon him that, after all, there might be trouble. If such a thought, however, entered his mind, it was accompanied by the assuring one that with his su perior officer, and not with himself, must remain the responsibility of the act he was committing. "But whatever view his Majesty's officer may have taken of the case,'to ourselves the Captain's words brought an unspeakable relief. We knew our man, and felt sure that he would not desert us. Besides, we had all previ ously heard that, though England winked at such outrages, her laws did not countenance them; and so we felt that what Captain Eddy had said in that direction had been no idle talk. "No sooner had we reached the Fal kirk's deck than the order was given to brace forward, and shrilly repeated by the boatswain's whistle. This whistle had for us a most depressing sound, and I have never heard one since without a kind of sad feeling at my heart. It seemed, beyond all else, to tell us where wo were. Every com mand on board a man-of-war, as you may have heard, is first given in words ami then emphasized by the pipe. "With a large number of hands in the after-braces, the yards were swung around till the sails wore filled and the brig gathered headway. All except ourselves were for the moment busy, but we, who had as vet no stations al alloted to us, stood looking on. "Our eyes were directed toward the Rebecca, and wo saw also her main yard swing around in the same man ner. But instead of standing upon her original course, she followed straight after the Falkirk. "We had seen Captain Eddy himself putting all his strength upon the main brace, to assist his sorely diminished crew in hauling the yard around; and now we perceived him at the huge tack of the mainsail liis own head and those of his few men being in plain view above the bulwarks, as ' a long pull, and a strong pull, and a pull all together,' was given upon the heavy rope. "The Rebecca was by no means a dull sailing ship, and she was now walk ing right along. It was not to be ex pected, however, that she could keep up with a brig-of-war, and of course the Falkirk drooped her somewhat astern, although the difference in speed was much less than would have been looked for. "Captain Downs conferred earnestly with his Lieutenant, and seemed to be uneasy. At length, having run for a dozen miles noon his first course, he concluded to tack whip, the wind not suffering him to stand directly for the English Channel. "Our topsail had scarcely done shiv ering as the vessel tilled away upon the new tack, when, looking toward the Kebeeca, we saw that she also was in the very act of going about. "We could not hear what Captain Downs said, but that his attention was wholly tixcd upon his singular pursuei was very evident. Both himself and the Lieutenant gazed at her through their glasses, and apparently made her the subject of a very animated discus sion. "On the following night it was al most calm. The ltebecca, however, fell upon a stronger current of air than ourselves, and in the morning had got ahead of lis. "The English sailors, who by this time had gathered a pretty correct idea of what was going 011, talked of the •lmllv vow' there would be should the 1 uhaee eupiuin arrive at I'ortsiiiouLU before them, and report his vessel u prize 1 "Tho Falkirk's commander walked the quarter deck rapidly, often glanc ing in our direction, and, as we judged, saying something about us to his olli cers. "For three days, with intervals of light breeze, calms, and fogs, wo con tinued near 'Chops of the Channel,' the vessels changing more or less their relative positions with tho unsteady puffs of air, yet never getting very far from each other. Ami all this time Captain Downs seemed ill a state of irritation. "011 the evening of the same day AVO were once more decidedly ahead, and, before morning, saw tho steady beacon from the lighthouse 011 the western end of tho Isle of Wight. We wero Hearing the great naval anchorage at fcjpitlioud, between the island and tho main land, where the harbor of Forts mouth is situated. "As the day broke, a ship was ob served off our quarter. Lighter and lighter grew tho sky, and more and more familiar the appearance of the accompanying vessel. "'Confound tho miserable Yankee!' cried Captain Downs, at last, out of patience, and grown terribly nervous with his three or fourdaysof suspense. 'Can it be that ho really means to fol low 1110 into port? I'd 110 idea the would carry his contemptible folly to this extent!' "He had, indeed, good reason to feel disturbed, for there, before his eyes, and not two miles off, was tho Rebecca, bearing straight up for Hpitliead. "No doubt he thought of tho Board of Admiralty, the C\ urt of King's Bench, tho interminable discussion in Parliament, and all the wearying com plications, both national and interna tional, which this vexatious matter in volved. And who could say how many iudivid lal cases might be held up to the light, which wpuld reiJoct little ! cid.it on nis lviajeaty s service, ana still less on the immediate actors ? | "Upon his own side he might plead the countenance of immemorial cus- I torn; but would he not be confronted ! with that broad construction of En ; glish law which is the guarantee of personal liberty V And besides, would not the Yankee Captain be abundantly able to prove the nativity of the four impressed men V "Every moment we were getting nearer to Portsmouth and Spithead; but so, too. was the Rebecca. Soon the affair of our impressment would be noised over all England, and thence borne to the ears of our coun trymen at home. Soon Captain Eddy and the remainder of his crew would stand up in the English courts, testi fying to the wrong that had been done us. "Our feelings were intense. We ceased to regret what had happened. ; e thought only of the noble sympathy I and resolute conduct of our true-heart ed Captain. How wretched our condi tion but for this. "Still the Rebecca came steadily along, making what headway she could with the light breeze, and almost hold ing her own with the Falkirk. "Rut suddenly Captain Downs stop ped in his Hgety walk. 'Lieutenant Vane,' he said, 'see the brig brought to the wind, aud the main-yard laid aback.' "In a few minutes the Falkirk was lying motionless. " 'Now,' continued the Captain, 'see the cutter called away. Put those tour Yankees into her, and send tliein aboard the ship!' Then, with a sorry attempt to cover his mortification, he added : 'Possibly there has been some mistake. At all events, the fellow has followed me long enough to deserve something at my hands, and he is wel come to the lubberly scoundrels 1' "In lifteen minutes we were on the Rebecca's deck, but it was a midship man, and not the Lieutenant, who es corted us there. "As we climbed over the ship's rail, Captain Eddy seemed as much re joiced as ourselves. (1 rasping each by the hand, he welcomed us with a sym pathy that went to our hearts. " 'lt's sooner than I expected,' he said, 'but I meant to see this whole matter of impressment overhauled, and 1 would have had you at last.' "Wo tried to express our thanks, but could not say all we felt. And oh, how cheery it seemed once more to haul at the braces of the good Yankee ship, and obey tho tones of Yankee of ficers. "Home and friends wore before us, and in a few weeks we reached the United States, there to relato to won dering ears our four days' experience as impressed sailors, and tell every one how much we owed to a captain who had proved himself such a friend in need and so worthy of his position." No booms Need Apply. "Can you direct me to Pacific City?" asked the Buffalo man of a station agent in Dakota as lie left the train at a "huddle" of four or five houses. "Bight across the street for infor mation, sir," was the reply, and the stranger walked across to a shanty bearing the sign of "Real Estate" and put the same question to a rod-headed man who was busy folding and sealing a prospectus. "This is it, sir," was the calm roply. "Why—why " "You are disappointed, of courso." "Well, rather." "You expected to see a city of at least r>,0()() inhabitants, parks, schools, factories, and all that? "Yes, I did." "That's the way with many others, but it is not our fault. Our object is to go slow and sure, and not create any thing like a boom to give fictitious values. Wo have done remarkably well thus far. One year ago this was the only structure in the city. Now look around. "Now I can count seven." "Exactly. That's what our latest prospectus says—improved 70!) pei cent, in one year. Can you ask a town to go ahead faster than that? Don't confound this wonderful progress with a boom, however. Booms have killed half this Western country. We don't want any." "How's real estate?" queried the Buffalo man after a while. "Advancing, of course. Six month.' ngo I offered lots on Washington ave nue for $lO a foot. To-day 1 am asking S2O, a foot. That's 100 per cent., isn't it, and nothing like a boom. We are simply growing on our merits alone. That's the proper way for a town to grow." "Any factories hero?" "There are. A year ago we had none. Now we have a blacksmith and a shoe maker. That's an increase of 200 pel cent., and I want you to find a town tc match it. There lias la en no boom, however—remember that. It's just n natural growth." "What's the populationV" "That's one of the strong points in my new prospectus. A year ago I wa* here alone. To day we number twenty two souls. Think of the tremendous percent, of increase! All legitimate and on its merits, and no boom to cause a rush." "Are tlio future prospects batter ing ?" "Exceedingly so. This climato is good for catarrh and a check on bil iousness. Our seasons are very mild, and a farmer can get sixteen hours n day out of the hired men. This is a great distributing point for trade, and the center of manufactures, and we shall seek to have the national capital removed here. Wo expect six railroads and two canals to cross here, three large universities have asked for sites, and before the end of the year Con gress will be asked for a public build ing, to cost not less than a millian dol lars. Flattering? I should remark. But wo ain't doing any crowing about it. It might start a boom, and booms are the bitter foes of now towns. We want to grow on our merits as the com ing city of the glorious West. If you write anything for your homo paper just put that in all legitimate and solely on its merits, and no booms need "l'l'ly. Ail Fasy Subject. Tom—A professor of phrenology ex amined my cranium to-day. He* said I knew nothing whatever regarding the value of money. Dick—Did you pay him? Tom—Yes, I gavo him a dollar in advance. Dick Then there was no need at all :>f his examining your head. Anybody dse could havo told you the same thing. THE modernness of all good books seems to give me an existence as w ido as man. What is well done I feel as if I did; what in ill done I reck not of. S'VE AMONG ROYALTY. THE FAMOUS HUMORIST ATTENDS THE FIFE WEDDINU. It> Sontk tli© Royal Brlilo a fttmiitif'iil Ht.iuu-Mndo American Froscnt- View*g tho Marriage I'ugouiit in a Ku in-Storm— Urol liai-to anil Euchre. J JUST dropped over hero to attend the royal wed ding and shall remain n week ut this town, por -1 haps. I could not attend JaUtySbw, the Huttenborg wedding A on account of illness ,1 among my stock, but 1 Si'/ "aid t° myself thou that if P * ovc ' r happened to bo { Ji thoro was aroyul wodding j' , ~ I would not crawl out of * tool; a club train from I * IU '( wlH ( '"la's and Dovor to J.on f /*/' r j don. Tlio ride was do- I / I voi< * ° r l |lc dent. Tho channel has my compli ments, such as they are. Everybody pays nis compliments to tho channel. It is a lovely shoot of water. 1 looked at it quite a while with great big. solemn, soul-lit oyes jnd heaving chest. It is not a wide chan nel. but it is a very busy one. I went at once to tho Victoria. I havo ©eon asked to sny a good word for tho notch and now hasten to do so. It in very largo and makes 45 per cont. per annum on Its capital. I slopt and picked my teeth ilioro, but uto elsowhero. I nlways like to nut elsewhere, and so I did. Tho hotel did not liko it. I said I was sorry, hut 1 could not seem to holp it. 1 was willing to pay for tho attendance which 1 did not got, also tho wino, nlo, beer, malt liquors, po liceman, prayers, writing-paper, lights, fuel, toed, baled hay, perfumery, stilton eheeso, tar-roofing, modical attendanco, onimon lumber, enje ttoir, lime, cement : and iiso of lilt, but I just would kind of like to oat where I chose, so long as I was there on tho European plan. If 1 happened to be several miles away sitting for a wax figtin of myself to be used bv Mine. 'I ussiiud ant Mrs. Jarloy, I would not jump tho moinon tlio whistle blow and scoot for the Victorb Hotol. in order to run up a still bigger bil for use of mustard-spoon, laundry of nap kin. use of toothpick, wear and tear o dining-room floor, etc. So tho Victoria reproved mo and the man ngor looked askance at me. When I canu in late, looking well-fed and with a sparkli of merriment in my beautiful, lich. hrowt eyes, he looked ut mo reproachfully anc butted liis head against the wall two timet in rapid succession. The Victoria, or "Vic, as tho irroveront call it. Is run by America! NYE AND THE HOTEL MANAOER. patronage, and yet the only murmur that arises from the entire American contingent is not pleasant to the management. Thf uotol. 1 need hardly add, lias been recently refitted and refurnished throughout, has ii new i übbor door-mat wdli holes punoturoc' through it. ami a row of flunkies who adorn tho hall, and who welcome iho arriving ami speed the departing guest at a shilling pci welcome and one and six per snood. The day of tho royal wodding dawned rather wet and cheerless. Tho sun came out the day boforo long enough for us to see that our trousers worn all properly roll ed up at Ihe bottom, and Hen it went back again. Tho chimes of In lis. at. one shilling iml six per chime, broke through the moist air. I took my bright new (iorhnm butter dish, wrapped it in a newspaper and started for Iho wo.Ming. I was all dressed up and was tho cynosure of all eyes. Many people turned to look ut my bright, cxpeetant face and elastic step. London was all ngor. Sonic of It was all agrog. I drove hastily up to where tho ser vice was to bo hold and alighted from my hansom, fearing that 1 had kept pooplo waiting. I found S'UNJO people there, also with expectant faces. 1 asked u bobby if tho folks had coins. Ho looked straight niloitd of him at a mark. 1 shook hands with him at one and six. and then ho be came more sociable. He said they had not como. I knew then that I had several hours to wait, and so. in tho language or Amos J. Walker. I was anxious to get at it as soon as possible. lJy and by tho Lif Guards ennie along and ovorybody pulled out an extra joint in his neck to see them. Then i rod ilaunel conch with haughty papier macho coachman and footmen came along, (t had no one inside of it, but ovorybody BILL VIEWINO THE PARADE. .ooked at it in utter astonishment, and onn nan near mo yelled "Clod save tho Queon," is ho gontly inserted his hand in my pockot Another man stopped on rny patent-Tenth ei ♦hoo and trlod to hold his broath. but it was :oo strong for him. It now rained. Then a mounted policeman drovo down .ho long ranks of excited people. I wish I 'know as much as ho seemed to know." Solomon in all his glory was a iittlo, wilted wayeido violet compared with that man. Ii I had his self-respoct together with my front big toeming (mulo teaming) brain, I would bo, 110 doubt, a num who could make .ho civilized world stand aghast. Then another red couch with a rod driver fcnd three footim n in red and gold and saw- Just logs and nowdomd hair drove by. A tradesman on my left stuck his wet 11m irolln through my high hut and murmured 'God save tho queen. There was 110 ono n the coach, and wo couldn't havo seen ;hom if thoro had boon n dozen. It now ruined again. We walled for the clouds to roll bv. My wont to sleep one by oin and slum ed on peacefully. At last thoro was a burst of music, and tho sm 11. royal band, with 110 leader but a little drum major with a black velvet jockey cap and tho uir of ono who owns tho earth, came along tho ave nue, which was walled with C i.OCO people in the midst of whom a tall, lit ho. American fool might havo boon soon. In about two weeks another rod coacli came along, and thoio was some ono In It Everybody said, "That's'or." I afterward learned that it was tho royal chambermaid. 1 woke up ono of my logs and tried to got t better place. I got ono wlioro tho mud wuf a littlo less yielding, but the juloe Irom ur umbrella owned by a short lady run dowr my neck, b'ho also put side-whiskers or my silk hat by rubbing it tho wrong way Then several red coaches came bv. Every body said: "That's 'or." and then ho waited a.-aln. I have been a fool three times tbif veor that I remember of. Once when ! watched the Inaugural parudo till ray eyei wore rod; once when I looked at the c n lennlal parade till my teeth got loose, ant once when I watched the wedding party ii London. Finally a carriage went by. with a llttU stout old lady in it. Wo also caught sigh' of a good-natured man in a rod coat and ful habit, and a slender girl In a long, whin veil and hor other dross. I nin told tha these three wore the Queen, the Prince o Wales and the bride. If they saw rao thei dissembled vory much. I was tired, and so. sending to the hous< ray butter dish with my card, printed in oil' own job office, whore all kinds of plain ant NYE HEISTS BBET HABTE. ornumontal printing aro done promptly foi cash, I went homo with my slumberlnf logs. I give below a list of tho woddini presents as nearly as possible from mem orv: To tho bride, from hor grandmother, ont camel's hair shawl. To Airs. Filo, from Mr. P. Nyo, of Amorl ea. as an evidence of friendship betweer the two great countries, one beautiful but tor dish, chaste and olognnt bovond de scriptlon. From tho bride's father, beautiful teacu| and saucer, bearing tho statement in oi< Gorman toxt: : FOR A GOOD GIItL. i From the bride's mothor, sot of dclightfu "doylies" and nut-cruckors. Fiom tho 1 iglit Honorable William E Gladstone, to the Earl of Fife, a base drurr and stereoscope for the sitting-room. From In land, a busholof early rose pot i toes and the motto, worked in green yarn on a porforuted cardboard ground: • GOD HELP THE RICH, : J THE POOR CAN BEG. J From the Shah of Porsla to the bride, a large photograph album, containing pic tures of himself. From the President of the United States, cable message asking God to keep the Queen in the hollow of his hand when not otherwise engaged. From i'liuco Bismarck, a red message, marked "Collect." From the editor of Punch, paid-up sub scription to the paper for one year. From tho Lord Mayor of. London, box ol caramels from Buylor's, whoso ad. will bo found elsowlioro In this paper. From the regular local humorist, who always sends something extremely funny to the groom, and thon sinks again Into ob scurity, one jumping jack, price (id. But space forbids a full description of the wedding presents, and I pass on to spouk of other mattei s. I ran across Bret Ilarto tho other day at a reception and reproached him for sonio re marks oneo made by him which reflect upon mo. I told him that it was hardly fair for him to build up his own reputation at the expense of mine. Ido not piny euchre, especially with a Chinaman, and 1 made him admit right there before every one that ho did not moan any disrespect when ho said: And I gazed ujion Nyo and Nyo gazed upon me And lie rose with a nigh and ho said; Can this be? Wo aro ruined by Chlneso cheap labor, And lio wont for that heathen Chluoe. Mr. Harto's hair is now white, also his mustache, but his face is ruddy. Ho lias shaved oil side whiskers he used to wear, and his eye-glasses danglo by a string. He does not seem to have lost any or ins American ways—at loast I did not notice that lie had done so. Speaking of euchre and kindred gatnos reminds mo of a littio incident which oc curred ou the stoamor coming over from America. Aousoo on an ocean steamer a miniature world. There are various kinds ot people from everywhere all thrown to gether tor a week, perhaps, and manifesting their queer cliiirueturiHlicß. . On board tho steamer a few days out from Now York our stoker gave up to tho heat and died. Ho was brought on dock to get what air there was, for wo were in tho gulf stream, and oven the passengers panted in tho shade. Inside the smoking-room a party or men wore playing poker, and an interesting jack-pot was in the center of the table. lied, white, and blue chips were poked forward, one after another, till spec tators held their breath. Outside the stoker was gasping at long intervals and waiting for deatli. At this moment tho fresh young man with the kodak camera came along. He is everywhere this summer with his little ko dak. 110 is even in Paris ami London mak ing views of respectable American citizens who aro abroad, for tho purpose of having a middling good time, and not for the pur pose of having their pictures taken. In fact, they would pay a small bonus not to hive their pictures taken sometimes. Well, the broczy youth got ready, and. with a good light on tho face of the dying man. was about to enrich his collection, wheif a gent leman from New Orleans, who really had tho best hand lor tho jackpot, saw Hie performance, lio rose with a laugh, and throwing down his hand face up, so us to lose tho jack pot, ho wont to tho port hole and said: "Young man, if you do that 1 will throw you and your cursed concer tina Into the hungry sea. I may bo a wicked man. I play poker, and 1 am somewhat unrogonoruto, but if you dare to photo g up.i that poor'ilevil on t lio shores of eter nity. just to brag about it when you get homo, you will in loss than two minutes make the loudest plunk that the Atlantic Ocean lias been the recipient of for soino time," Ho then resumed his wickod game of draw. I hnvo just mot the man vou always moot who knows y<>u and who holds on to your hand and makes you guess who lie is. Ho is genorallv a man you do not know, and tiro glad of it. He holds you ami lots you sutTor while you try to recall tho place where you saw his disagreeable face, and friends aro waiting for vou. You look at your watch with one hand while the other ts gently parboilod in his grasp, Ho looked it mo as a furnished numidian coon from Georgia looks into tho brieht rod heart ot i laughing watermelon, and I wished 1 had lot boon so foolish U3 to iouvo mv bright now gun in my dress suit the night be. fore. Ho would not to.I mo his name or whero ho lived, because ho soonied to think that I ought to reincmbor that. Posi-.ibly I met him yours ago when ho wo to a smooth faec and clothes with a wide black and white stripe around thorn. Now ho had juto whiskers, parted in the middle, and London clothes, which liung on his system like tho seat of a baby elephant's trousers. Of course I could not remember him. As he did not. have tho politeness to tell mo his name. I told him i would have to be oxcusud and go up to tho Royal l'nl nco and play tennis. When ovory other man who introduces you doos everything else but pronounce tho names it Is only etiquette to refresh tho memories <r p-'onl i 1 afterward. Ktiil I was saddened all tho afternoon by this occu rence, and when her royal stoutness asked mo why I soonied 1 so sad 1 could do nothing but with trem bling lips loan on hor shoulder. It Walked* "Have you any second-hand type - writers you'd like to sell?" asked' the peddler. "No," replied the merchant, "but I've one I'll give away." "What's wrong with it?" "Chews gum and spells dozen 'UEz.'" —Bunlette , in Brooklyn Eagle. SINCE that Kansas girl ruined her jaws wilh chewing-gum tho manufac turers of the "society quid" have been forced to put out tho following state ment; "Our arum doeH not paralyse." ENAMORED OF THE CHASE. The Alventure* of a Chicago Youth Who Wan B©i/.ocl with an Ambition to Go AVost and Slay tlio IIIMUII of tlio I'lains. Johnny Murphy, of Chicago, roads jf Rod Eye, the noble Indian lighter And buffalo, slayer. Fired by the exploits of lied Eye, he takes to the chase. "Ha, the noble game!" #> J The noble game at bay. mL Johnny returns from the cliaso.—• Ch it a (jo Ledger. Josh Billings* Philosophy. Cunning i•/, the wizdtun ov animals—• very canning but very short-sighted. lhare i/ no hotter company for oth ers than he who is good company for himself. Civilization inkreases our wants, and our ability to gratify them, and that iz about all that lean be sod in fa vor ov it. 1 lie grate mistake ov American life iz that we discount everything -all our happiness, all our desires, all our ex pektashnus. Eniiv man who will spied a slander IK a sekond-handod liar, mutch meaner, it possible, than the one who origi nated it. Menny people nip like an old lion with olio oliickoii; tlioy ilinplny n grate deal ov fuss and hurry, hut very litllo dispatch. All lies, lioforo they bckuin current, pass thru throe hands; the fust iz sum \ orv diikl'oot person, who looks wizo, and only hopes that things ain't so and so; the sekonil iz a lawless gossip, who haz no douht but what things aro so, or ovon wuss; (lie third is a malish ns yanipyro. who fully indorses the foul blot, and spreds it broadcast thru tho land. Pride and anger are closely allied. Diskresimn iz the smartest thingen ny man possesses. If he hazgot plenty ov brains with it, ho iz 11 giant; and if 110 hain't got mutch ovenny, lie is a re spektahcl pigmy. My opinyun of strikly honest men iz —that they aro skarse. lie who haz got nothing to do in this •do but to amuse hisself, haz got 011 hand the hardest kind ova job i know ov.—New York n'eeklu. He Had Traveled. A young man with a groat deal of hat and a small amount of gripsack came into the Third Street Depot 011 a train tho other day, and walking through to the hack stand he said to the driver of a vehicle: "I want to go to the Wayne Hotel." "Yes, sir." "The ordinance gives you fifty cents." "It, does." "Here's your money. I've traveled a bit, I have, and I know what's what. Don't try any gum games ou me." "No, sir—got right in." The stranger entered tho hack, the driver drove across the street and got down anil opened tho door, and as the stranger saw how lie had fooled him self lie looked as ilat as chalk and mut tered ; "Yes—l see—just neross the street. I've traveled, I have, but I guess I was on the wrong train."— Detroit free frees. WHEN a man lias great facility in reel ing off yarns, lie usually has a corres ponding difficulty in winding up the thread of his discourse.