|1 oct vh attfc PtarrUann.
A MATTER OF TASTE.
Says tho peacock to the rabbit,
"Who's your tailor? tell mc, prny;
For, good sir, he's cut your coat-tail
In a most old-fashioned way.
Look at me,
Would you see
What a stylish tail should be!"
Says the rabbit to the peacock.
" Who's your barber ? tell mo prny.
For his slicarß have shorn your ears, sir,
In a most old fashioned way.
Look at mc, ~
Would you see
What a stylish ear should be!"
—Esther B. Tiffany, in St. Nicholas.
A MODERN ROMEO.
BY LUCY BLAKE,
ymwjdp HE ball at the
I 1 ftJ - _ Villaßorghese
J AVOS over, an d
Kc Kjkb* Philip Lcigliton,
who felt the even- I
fog well spent, was !
g ° i 11 8 leisurely
u[r* ) I homeward on foot.
v I wns ft °i° ar
A \ night
j®Sl 'jf J|J\ in tho bonny
v 7 l *\ k \ ' (J month of May, and j
j such a night in j
Florence, with its j
violet sky sown with golden stars, is a j
blessing not to be wasted under the roof j
of a cab.
The young man crossed tho Piazza del
Duomo nnd turned into the sleepy Via
Ricasoli, which seemed quiet as the aisle
of an empty church. Pre cntly, out of
the shadow, Philip saw two women ap-1
preaching, both ovideutly frightened at >
finding themselves alone in tho street at
BO late an hour. At seeing tho young
man they stopped, hesitate 1, and then
advanced ngain. apparently reassured
by a glimpse of his honost, comely face,
revealed in tho moonlight.
"A thousand pardons, signoro," began
a sweet voice in Italian, "but I nnd my
maid are not able to open our door; pos
sibly your stronger hand might make it
yield. '
Tho house indicated was a grim old
Enlace, many stories high, built of heavy
locks of stone, like a prison. Statues
looked down from many a niche, and tho
lower windows were guarded with the
"kneeling" gratings invented by Michel
Angelo.
Philip threw himself upon the heavy
wrought-iron fastenings of t ie door, but
they refused to givo Avay even under liis
vigorous shaking.
"The uOOA closes with a latch inside;
a sharp bIoAV will sometimes open it
without the key, Avhich Giaeinta hns un
luckily lost. There is no ono inside tho
house to come to our rescue; wo are
really in a very awkward plight.
The white lace fichu had fallen back
over the shoulders of tho geu tie-voiced
stranger, and Philip saw that she was
exquisitely pretty, Avitli tho pensive,
dark eyes of her race, nnd a tender,
sensitive mouth. Her lips quivered,
and there AVOS a hint of tears in tho
liquid eyes
This Avas too much for Philip, who,
instead of acknowledging himself baffled
by the door and resuming his home- 1
Avard route, vowed Avithin himself to see
these fair dames safe under tho shelter j
of their own roof, or perish in tho at- j
tempt. Poor old Gift unta was not, i
strictly speaking, fair, but tho aureola oil i
beauty emanating from her young mis- i
tress seemed, to Philip, to encompass !
the faithful attendant Avith its benign !
influence.
Across the street was a ladder leaning '
against a house in process of repair, at!
sight of Avhich Philip's look of perploxi- j
ty vanished.
"Does the open Avindow in tho second j
story lead to signora's rooms,?" he ask- {
ed, eagerly.
"Yes; those are our rooms. Tho rest j
of tho house is unoccupied, or wo
could hope to Avako up somebody to let j
us in."
"If it is not too audacious a proposi
tion," continued Philip, "I Avill climb
up to your balcony, Komeofashion, with
that ladder, descend tho stairs, nnd
open your refractory door from tho in
side."
"The same thought had occurred to
me, but I did not liko to express it. It
is a dangerous height; you might fall,!
and it is an unreasonable service to ask
of a stranger."
"Pray do not think of any incon
venience it might bo to me; your con
fidence is quite reward enough. May I
make the attempt ?"
" I should be only too thankful,"
" I have plenty of Avax matches in my I
pocket. Am I likely to find any obsta
cles to my progress between the window i
and the hall door?"
"No; you have only to cross one
largo room and an ante room before
finding yourself at the stairs."
With surprisingdispatoll Philip tilted
the swaying ladder into place beneath !
tho balcony of the old palaato, and began
the as cut.
" I beg of you, sir, be careful!" said
the girl, lightly touching his arm for a
moment Avith her slender white hand.
Philip looked down into lier face with
one brief, soulful glanco that seemed to
say, "For you 1 would risk my life
gladly."
Inspired by those caressing eyes fol
loAving him so intently, Philip mastered
the difficulties and gained tho lodge of
tho window without more sorious mis
haps than a cut oil his wrist.
" What Avill Uncle Gino think of this
adventure, Giaeinta? " said the young
lady, as their knight-errant disappeared
within the wiudoAV.
"He ought to lie thankful AVG were
not obliged to finish tho night in tho
street."
"It is indiscreet and imprudent,
doubtless, to allow a perfect stranger to
enter our rooms alone, but I'm sup.) lie
is a gentleman AVJJOUI AVO can trust.
Do you not agree Avith mo, Gincinta ?"
."There couldn't be a dishonest soul
behind a face liko that, signorina mia.
Trust an old woman's eyes for telling
good from bad."
"A quoorisli sort of an errand for a
fellow to bo bound on," thought Philip,
as ho scrambled over tho balcony,
"dropping himself through tho dark
mftAv of a AvindoAv into what may be the
bottomless pit or a of thieves, for
aught he knows. More likely to be a
stronghold of spooks, from the general
(aspect of things. My stars! what's
that?"
Swinging himself cautiously into the
room he had lit upon a sleeping cot,
Avhicli promptly punished his intrusion
by plunging a vigorous set of claws
through the young man's silk stocking.
"Hor pet, I suppose." And instead
of giving tho cat tho vicious kick his
evil nature dictated, Philip stroked its
silken coat till a oozy purring responded
to his touoh. By the light of his Avax
mutches ho saw that his Wrist WOR blood
ing from the cut, ancl ho pulled out
his handkerchief and bound up
the wound before proceeding farther.
His card case slipped out of his pocket
with the handkerchief and fell unnoticed
to the floor.
Philip found himself in a very large
and handsome room with the rich
painting and gilding of the Do Mcdicis
period. All was tarnished and worn
now; the once elegant furniture was
dropping to pieces, and the hangings
were faded and torn. A chair lay over
turned, and the drawers of a tortoise
shell cabinet were pu lied out and their
contents strewn carelessly about, as if
ono had made a rapid l search for some
thing regardless of orcjer.
Philip would have gladly taken a
more lingering look at'tlio old portraits
peering down at hinr from the walls,
some of them with dark, searching eyes
so liko those of his lovely protegee, but a
feeling of delicacy prompted him to
make his way through her rooms as
ouiclcly as possible.
' Ho hastened down the stairs, lifted
the latch, and ndmittod the two wo
men.
"I can never sufficiently express my
thanks, signoro," said the young girl
holding out her hand. "You have
spared us more nnnoyance than yon can
realize. May I know the name of our
benefactor V
Philip, overjoyed at wdiat, seemed the
overture to a more intimate acquaint
ance, searched in his pocket for his
card-case, but, to his perplexity and
annoyance, failed to find it.
"Might I have the pleasure of cnjling
to-morrow to bring the card I seem stu
pidly to have mislaid J" ho asked, with
some hesitation.
"I certainly wish to know to whom
wo are indebted for so great a service.
My friend, Madarao do Carolat, is com
ing to tea to-morrow at four. Will you
come then if Hut I must introduce my
self. lam the Countess Hose.lli. Now,
as it is so shockingly late, I must bid
you good night. Tliaukyou a thousand
time, and do not disappoint us to-mor
row."
"Not for anything under heaven,"
Philip murmured, half audibly, as the
heavy door shut away from him'tho gaze
of the girl's star-like eyes.
Like culprits tlio two belated women ,|
stole up (ho stairs to their rooms. Gin- !
cinta lighted the old Koman lamp, and
by its soft, steady flame of olive-oil the i
fnmilinr old portraits looked down as if
welcoming them home.
"Why, Gincinta ! what does tliis
mean i My desk wide open, and all the
papers scattered about. Oh, mudonna
mia ! the money from the Libro Aperto
vineyard was there —fifteen hundred
francs!" The young girl fiew to the
desk and plunged her hand into a draw
er at the side. "Gono ! Giaeinta, Ave
are robbed!" and she buried her face
despairingly in the cushions of the
nearest sofa.
"Heaven grant you are mistaken,
carina!"
"I am not mistaken, alas! In that
drawer I put the monoy Avhilo Faolo
waited for the receipt. I romember
doing so with painful distinctness. ;
Faolo sat there in the bhie ottoman. I
let him sit down because of his lame
loot. He Avent quietly away after get
ting his receipt, and I looked the money
in the drawer as usual."
Gincinta fumbled wildly about among
the papers, but nil t no avail. Tho
money AVUH certainly gone.
"And he with a face like tho blessed
San Michele," oho moaned.
"No, no; you are mistaken, arnica,
mia!" cried tho contessa, reading tho
suspicion in tho old Avoman's eyes. "I
Avouhl as soon accuse you of robbing
me, you faithful old granny. Our
rooms must have been entered earlier
in the evening. Tho window Avns open,
and tho ladder conveniently near.
Many rough men were abroad to night,
owing to the fe-Htu at Cajano. No, you
need not loose faith in our San Michele,
as you call him. Something impels
mo to trust to tho honesty of that young j
stranger who helped us, as I would trust
by brother Ugo in heaven."
"I, too, have faith in the young sig- I
norio; but, all, me! it's hard losing all I
that money !"
"The worst will bo telling Uncle!
Gino. He Avill ho furious. What a :
night of misfortune this has boon !"
And yet, in spite of tho great loss |
she hacl sustained, Countess Natalia j
Koselli, as she drifted into dreamland I
for a few hours, felt that this special 1
night had been fraught with a new, rare
happiness for her.
Sho awakened to a stormy, painful
scene. 11l news travels quickly. Gerino
i Koselli, Natalia's uncle, had heard of
the robbery, and had come for full par
ticulars.
"What is this Avild story of Giaein
ta Vf" he began, angrily. "You have
had tho colossal folly to let a street
vagrant loose in your rooms. Of oourse
lie improved his opportunity and took
your money."
| "Uncle, I'm fully convinced tho
money was stolen before this gentleman
came to our assistance. Tho Avindow
was open; tho ladder carelessly left
[nearby the workmen. Faolo saw mo
I put the money in the desk; possibly lie
! succumbed to the temptation."
"What preposterous nonsense! You
would throw suspicion on an honest
enntadino , who grew old in your father's
service, to screen a well-dressed, soft
! spoken blackleg 1 Who is this fine
gentleman, pray? Where does ho live? j
Of course, if ho was honorable, lie has
told you all this."
"He Avished to givo me his card, but
had none Avith him; he is coming j
this afternoon to present himself in due j
form."
"A likely story ! And you, you con
fiding innocent, do you realize that tho
loss of this money leaves you next to
nothing to live upon till the Kovezzano
rents are due i What do you mean to
i do?"
| "Certainly not ask charity from you,
| Uncle Gino. Giaeinta and I jiaA'o
; already learned Avlint sharp poverty
| means, and wo can hear this misfortune
;as we have borne others." A proud fire
I burned in the young contessa s eyes as
! she spoke.
"What's this?" said Koselli, ns he
I turned on his heel to loave the room.
His foot had struck against a small
object lying on the floor in the shadow of
a table. It Avns Philip's card-case.
Koselli opened it and read on tho first
card, "'Mr. Philip Leigh ton Via
Falestro, No. 23.' This is probably the
name of yolir gallant rescuer," Koselli
added sarcastically. "Katlier a sus
picious circumstance to find his card*
case lying so near the plundered desk."
"I Avill keep it for him till he comes,
said Natalia, holding out her hand with
quiet dignity.
"By nil means, my dear, keep it till
he comes. I hope your confiding pati
ence will not ho put to too severe a
str .in,"
Koselli took one long, searching look
at the card, and resigned tho pretty
leather toy to his niece s keeping.
For Philip, also, theie was a rude
awakening that morning. A furious
Italian gentleman demanded to see him;
asked an account of the last night's pro
ceedings, and accused him of stealing
fifteen hundred francs from the Countess
Koselli. A policeman and cab were at
| the door, and before he fairly realized
Avhat was occurring, the bewildered
Philip found himself in a cell at the
Bargello. A sad contrast to his dreams
of imbibing draughts of tea and en
chantment with his fair inamorata . He
had no friends in Florence of whom lie
eared to borroAV money, and he was not
in funds to hail himself out to keep his
appointment for four o'elook.
Count Koselli kept his own counsel
as to tho summary measures he had
taken, aud withdrew for a few days to
his p d >ro at Feltro.
As tho day wore away Avitli no signs
of Philip, Natalia said to her hand
maiden:
" Giaeinta, I'm haunted Avitli the fca
that Uncle Gino has done something
desperate about this miserable money.
I Avisli you would go to tho Via Palestro
and ask for Mr. Leighton."
Giaeinta Avent, and returned in floods
of tears. Mr. Ijcighton had leen ar
rested that morning. The padrona said
he was such a nice, open-handed gentle
man; there must bo some monstrous
mistake about it all.
Natalie seized pen and paper, and sent
Giaeinta to the Bargello with a tear
stained note declaring her bolief in liis,
Philip's entire innocence, and her shame
at her uncle's conduct.
Philip, in durance vile, poured out as
much of his soul as tho back of an old
play-bill would hold, in reply.
Thus these tAvo lovers—for the cruelty
of tho tyrant uncle had roused in both
young hearts this consuming passion—
were made to suffer, each for tho dis
tress of the other, in hopeless uncer
tainty.
The third day of Philip's bondage, a |
young woman, Avitli a handkerchief 1
bound over ono eye, presented herself
at the Palazzo Koselli and asked for tho j
young coutepsa.
"They tell mo that a young English
signorino is in prison for stealing tho
contessa's money," sho began. "Per-j
haps they will let him free if I tell Avhat
I saw on Thursday night Avhen the j
money AVOS taken."
"What did you seo? Tell mo every- j
thing!" cried Natalia, eagerly.
" I'm chambermaid in tho house!
across tho street. A bad headache was
on mo on Thursday night; I couldn't
sleep, nnd came to tho window for frosli
air. I saAV tAvo men prop a ladder
against your window. One man Avas a
big, brawny, evil-looking fellow; tho
other was lame."
" This lame man, was ho old or |
young ?"
" Old, signorina, with ono shoulder |
higher than the othe
"Paolo!" said Natalia, under her:
breath ;" my intuition Avas right. Go
on—what happened then ?"
"Tho big man began climbing tho
ladder. I thought it all looked sua- j
picious, and I slipped out of my room ;
to giA'o an alarm. Jt was dark as pitch i
in the corridor, and I foil down stairs,
giving my head a furious blow on tho
stone stairs. I AN as Avild and Avandoring
liko till yesterday, be auso of this
Avound on my head. To-day I remem
ber everything, and thought it right to
tell the signorina contessa."
With all possible haste Natalia dis
patched a man of the laAv to Libro
Aperto, to question Paolo, the farm
servant. Paolo was accused of the theft,
frightened into a full confession of his
glint, and the greater portion of tho
money Avas recovered.
Philip, upon liis release from prison,
learned from Italian friends the history
of the Koselli family.
The young contessa was considered
little less than an angel by those who
kneAV her well.
"Poor child!" co- tinned Philip's in
formant, "she hasn't a friend or pro
tector on earth but that faithful old
nurse, Giaeinta. Her uncle is a hard,
cruel man, and the rest of tho family
are all gone. There is barely enough
money left to keep this young contessa,
the last of a long and noble lino, from
actual want. The big palatto has tho
name of being haunted, and they can't
get a tenant for any of tho scores of
rooms. I wish somo prince would fall
in lovo with the contessa and giA*o hor
the suironndings she deserves."
"I wonder if a poor artist would do
instead," thought Philip, ns ho betook
himself to the Palazzo Koselli.
A week later the poor artist, poorer in
liis own estimation than in reality,
offered himself heart and soul to tho
beautiful patrician.
"My darling Komeo, I could not livo
Avithout you," was her shy response to
his pleading.—[Frank Leslie's.
A Railway Restaurant in Sweden.
A traveler gives tho following inter
esting description of a railroad restaur
ant service in Sweden: "We entered a
little dining room, around Avhich were
arranged little tables covered with
snowy linen; in tho centre stood a large
table, one end spread Avitli tho usual
diversified collection of the 's nargns
hord'; at the other were pilos of plates,
knives, forks and napkins. The snip
is brought in and placed on the central
table; each one helps himself, and,
taking it to one of the small tables, eats
at his leisure; the soup finished, you !
serve yourself with fish, roast meats,
chicken nnd vegetables in quantity and
variety, as you choose, and return to
your table. Tho servants replenish the
supplies on the large table, remove
soiled plates, and bring tea, coffee, beer,
or wine, as ordered, to the occupants of
the small tables, but each 0110 must
serve himself from the various courses,
ending Avith pudding, and nuts, and
raisins. There was none of the hurry,
bustle and crowding usually encountered
in a railway restaurant, but plenty of
[ time AMIS given for a quiet, comfortable
meal Avitli 110 necessity for bolting your
[ food. For this abundant and Avell
-1 cooked dinner the charge was forty
! cents -tea, coffee, beer and Avine being
j extra. Your word Avas taken without
I any questioning regarding the extras,
; as you paid for thorn and your dinner
at the table from Avhich the coffee Avas
j dispensed."
SHE KILLED THE BEAR.
One of the Vicissitudes in the Life of
a Country School Ma'am.
Miss Emeline Wright, a healthy and
buxom country maiden of 22, teaches a 1
little backwoods school in tho Bardick
district of Tobyluinnn township, Penn.
It is a very sparsely settled section, and
in boarding around among tho parents
of her pupils Miss Wright often has to
walk two miles and a-lialf from tho
s hool-house, along lonely roads and
through stretches of woodland. Tho
school-house was built as near tho centre
of tho district as possible. It stands in
a beech grove, on an unfrequented high
way, the nearest dwelling being three
quarters of a mile distant, and back of
it there is a succession of laurel swamps.
An entry extends across the front of the
building, and a door leads from the
entry into the schoolroom.
On a recent morning, Miss Wright
reached the school-house ahead of any
of the scholars, intending to write a
letter beforo she called school at 9. She
was surprised, she said, to find the out
side door ajar, but she was still more
astonished when she stopped into tho
entry and saw a bear nosing around in
the schoolroom. Miss Wright was bom
and brought up in a pretty wild town
ship, and she had seen many a bear
reaming through the berry patches and
bark poolings; therefore, tho sight of
the bear in the schoolroom did not de
moralize her a particle. What she did
is told by herself, as follows:
"Tho bear saw me as soon as I looked
into tho room. It snorted a littlo and
acted as if it didn't know which way to
go. I wasn't much afraid of it, for I
had soon a good many larger ones. I
don't know why I did it, but I stopped
outside at once, closed tho door, ami put
a stick in the handle. I hoard tho boar
come into tho entry and paw on tho
door, but as the door opened inside, 1
knew that the bear couldn't break tho
stick in the handle and pull tho door
toward it. I was anxious for some of
tho scholars to come, because I wanted
to send ono of them over to tho woods,
where some men wore peeling bark, to
get the men to como with their axes and
kill tho bear. Before any of tlio chil
dren came in sight, tho bear clawed very
hard at tho door, and, for fear that tho
! stick mightn't hold, I got a stronger ono
I and put it in the handle.
I "While I stood there waiting, I heard
I the boar run into the schoolroom and
I clamber over the benches. Then it ran
! Lack and scratched on the door, and
growled for tho first time. It seemed to
I bo acting as if it was getting more and
more afraid to stay in tho house, and
then it hurried back to tho room. I
heard some glass crack, and I stepped
to tho north side of the house and found
that tho bear had broken a pane out of a
window. It had its nose through tho
sash, but it left tho window and ran
back to tho door when it saw mo. It
was scratching on the door again when I
£ofc back to tho front, and then I went
into tho wood shed and got an axe,
going from there to the brokon window.
The bear was still pawing on tlio door.
"In a littlo while 0110 of my boy
scholars came, and I sent him over to
the woods to tell the men. Instead of
doing as I had told him, tho boy ran
toward his homo, and told all tlio
children 110 met that there was a hear in
tho school-house, and they all ran back,
too. Those that came from tho other
direction also got scared when they
heard about the bear, and I couldn't get
ouo to go over to the woods and notify
the bark peelers. Tho bear had been
rushing back and forth, pawing 011 tho
door and clambering over the desks and
benches all this time, and I had about
made up my mind to go away and leave
it there, when I heard it dash against a
window in the back end of the room.
When I got there it had its paws and
nose through tho sasli, and I hit it on
the head with the axe as hard as I could.
The axe glanced off and broke out some
| more of tho sash, and the bear struggled
ito climb out. It seemed as though it
! was going to plunge upon me, and I
| struck it with tho blade of the axo, just
as it sprang from the window. I must
have struck a good deal harder than I
thought I could, for tho axe split tho
beast's forehead open, and tho poor
; animal tumbled past me and rolled over
j and over, almost to tho bank of tho
[ little creek that runs past the sohool
! house. It died in a littlo while, and
, then I was sorry for it, because if I
hadn't fastened . I '* : n the house, it would
j have run away and not broken tho win
j dows. I didn't have any school that
j day. The men who saw tho dead bear
said it was two years old. Folks around
I here talk about my killing tho bear as
1 hough it was a brave deed, but I don't
j think so. 1 wouldn't kill another 0110 if
i I had a chance, unless I had to do it to
! keep it from injuring me."
Ho Lost the Roubles.
Tho Emperor of Russia, when upon
a tour of inspection in tho provinces,
passed tho night in tho simple hut of
a toll-taker. Before retiring 110 was
pleased, as head of tho church, to see
the old man take up his Bible and road
a chapter. "J)o you read often, my
j son?" he asked. "Yes, your majesty,
every day." "How much of tho Bible
have you read, my son.'" "During tho
1 past year the Old Testament and part
'of Matthew, your majesty." Thinking
• to reward him, the Czar placed 500
j roubles between the leaves of tho book
j of Mark on the following morning, un
| known to tho toll-keeper, whom he bode
farewell. Several months passed away
and the Emperor returned, upon a sec
mid tour, to the toll keeper's hut. Tak
ing the Bible in his hands, ho was sur
prised to find tho 500 roubles intact.
Again, interrogating tho toll-keeper as
to his diligence iu reading, ho received
an affirmative answer and tho statement
; that 110 had finished tlio chapters of
Luke. "Lying, my son, is a great s n,"
replied his majesty; "giveme the Bible
till I see." Opening the book, 110 point
ed to tho money, which tlio man had
not soon. "Thou hast not sought the
kingdom of God, my son. As punish
ment, thou slialt also lose thy earthly
reward." And 110 placed the roubles in
his pocket to distribute afterward among
the neighboring poor.—[Now York Tri
bune.
How a Cat Falls.
A cat is not hurt hv falling because,
owing to tho power it has of balancing
itself when springing from a height, it
almost invariably lands on its feet. The
j anatomical structure of a cat's back ami
I spine is extremely flexible; tho muscles
I of its legs are extraordinarily strong
1 and numerous, and, further, it has elastic
j pads or cushions consisting of a mass of
I fibrous tissue and fat 011 all its feet,
seven in each foropaw ami five in each
! hind paw. When it falls from a height
| a eat nearly always alights on these
| pads, which, by reason of their elastie-
I ity, break tho force of its fall materi
ally. Tf by any chance, however, a cat
j falls on its back or side it is very easily
injured.
j A I'ort. Allegheny, Pa., man who was tilted
I out of a sleeping car berth by a jolt of tho
j train, exclaimed, in an unconscious way:
I "Don't—don't— I'll get up uud light the ilro.'
THE JOKERS' BUDGET
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The New Arithmetic—The Wedding
Prelude—Cut off. %
THE WEDDING PRELUDE.
Little Boy—Say, 111a says 3*oll are
going to take sister off.
Engaged Youth (soon to bo married)
—Yes, in a few weeks she's going to my
home, and my ma and pa will be her ma
and pa. See i
"I see. Then she'll be 3' our sister,
same as she was mine. Sav, don't 3'on
do anything she doesn't like, for if you
do she'll bang you around awful when
vour pa and 111a ain't looking."—[New
York Weekly.
BEFORE AND AFTER.
Dudoviei Marony—Why don't 3*oll
turn a your face this away?
11. E. Storer —I will on th' next trial.
I'm working a "boforo-and after" racket
for a hair rencwer advertisement. Just
take tho head as it is this time.—[Tuck.
OONIi TO CANADA.
Kooponn—By the way, Bonds, what
caused the. decline in your bank shares
to-day—dividend off.
Bonds (laconicallv) —No, cashier.—
[Life.
PESSIMISTIC.
" Papa," asked Job 11113' Cum so, "what
is a pessimist ?"
" Mr. Briggs is a pessimist, Johnn3',"
replied papa. "He always bets against
the homo club."
THE NF.W ARTJHMETIC.
Goodfellow Sa}', old eliappio, lend
1110 half a dollar, will you?
llockaway Peach—Here's a dollar. I
haven't any change.
Goodfellow (taking it) —All right, old
boy, I'll owe you a half then.
ile leaves llockaway Beach trying
hard to fathom the true inwardness of,
the transaction.—[New York Sun.
FEY FAKER.
Mrs. Harpy—How did you manage to
acquire such a fortune from that, litt4e
pamphlet, "How to Make Dynamite?"
Mrs. Sharp3 r —l used to offer the book,
then pull out a foot section of two-inch
gaspipe. loaded with paper and a piece
of ropo in 0110 end for a fuse, and tell
thfcin that was how a bomb looked w hon
finished. Everybody thought it was
genuine and subscribed to get rid of me.
—[Tlio Epoch.
Will* HE BOOKED TROUBLED.
Tucker—Why do I look so troubled ?
Well, last night I dreamed I died and
was buried, Parker, and I saw the
tombstone at the head of my grave.
Parker—Saw your tombstone, eh?
And what of it?
"Why, I'm trying to live up to the '
epitaph I saw on it."—(New York Sun. j
GOOD FOR niM SHE WASN'T.
"Johnny is an awful bov," said Mrs. !
Brown. " Ile hasn't sat still a moment I
this whole blessed day."
"If I was his mother," returned Mrs.
Slipper, "ho wouldn't sit still for a
whole month."—[Judge.
ONE FOR HARRY.
Harry (a beardless cynic of seventeen)
—I ipiite agree with you, Edith, that
Mrs. Bromley's gni3' hair enhances the
effect of her fresh and youthful com
plexion, but it deceives nobody. I sup
pose her locks woro rod beforo she j
| bleached them.
Edith—Come now, Harry, don't he
so hard on her. Such gray hair is nnt- I
ural to many people. J shouldn't in |
the least wonder, Harry, if your mous- j
taelio would be gray when it comes out.
OUT OFF.
Frank—The deuce lie did! And what !
did the General say?
Kate—Papa said that if I married ;
young Ellaby he'd cut me off with a
shilling.
Frank—Bravo! Go it, Ellaby! And
did you mention me ?
Kate—Yes, Frank, dear, T did. Pap
said that if I married you he'd cut me o
icit/iuul ono ! —[Time.
A CnOIOE IN PETS.
Shyleigh Are you fond of animals?
Miss Maturc —Very.
Shyleigh—Which one do you like
best ?
Miss Muturo (with a far away look) ;
—Man. —I Time.
IT WAS EXPLAINABLE.
"Weigh me, please?" said Briggs, as
he stepped on tlio grocer's scales.
The man who manipulated the weights
looked at him in astonishment. Briggs
looked as though ho ought to weigh
about 120 pounds, but the beam bal
anced at 202.
"You must have something heavy
about your clothes," said tho grocer.
"Oh, that's it," rejoined llriggs; "I
have my summer's ice bill iu my pock
et."—[Now York Sun.
ADMIRATION,
"Are you unfriendly with this man ?"
asked tho Judge.
"I am not, sir; I used to bo, but I
ain't now."
"What has caused this sudden change
in your feelings r"
"Well, Judge, I novor know beforo
how hard 110 eon Id hit. lie certainly is
a daisy."—(Merchant Traveler.
LOST IIIS BALANCE.
Mrs. Jaggs (1 a.m.)—Whero have 3*oll
been, John {
Mr. Jaggs—Bal'shing 111' books.
Mrs. Jaggs—Well, if you've found 1
any balaneo to-night, John, you cer- :
tainly have not brought it homo with
you.—| Puck.
AFRAID.
Til® ragman dreamed
A garment seemed
This statement to have made:--
"Oh, when Pm new
I don't dread you.
But when I'm old I'm frayed."
—Philadelphia Tress.
IN DEMAND.
Jack—l'm going back to business to
morrow. Are you sorry i
His Enslaver (earnestly)—Moro than
I can tell you.
Jack (not contented with a fair com
pliment)— Why*
His Enslaver—Beouuso we are to have
a picnic to-morrow, and I did so want
yon to make our ealvcs'-head sand
wiches. Brother Tom lias spoken of you
so feelingly in connection with the sub
ject, you know.—[Judge.
TTP AND DOWN.
"I railed, sir," said old Jinks to the
tailor, "in referonco to the letter you
sent about the way my son has treated
you. I guess you will find him all right
in the future, because ho has promised
me to settle down."
"That doesn't interest me," replied
the tailor; "I want liini to settle up."
SO TO HARMONIZE.
Miss Gigglo—There is that insuffer
able snob, Mr. Tiggle, driving his dog
cart.
Miss Wiggle—He ought to bo in a
pup-cart. —[Epoch.
A WALL STREET MAN.
George—Did Gus ever operate in
Wall street ?
Frank—Yes, he swindled a fruit wo
man once out of a banana.—[New York
Epoch.
FLIES AltE AnfiENT.
Miss Boston—Chicago is growing in
culture, I learn from the public prints,
Miss Wabash.
Miss Wabash—You're dead right.
When it comes to cult there's no flies on
us.—[Epoch.
TNAT SETTLED IT.
"That settles it," said a prisoner
whom Ilis Honor sentenced to the Work i
Hon so for sixty days the other morning.
"Hetties what ?" asked the officer to
whom the remark was addressed.
"I have been troubled in my mind
whether to qo down to Long Branch or
up to Mackinac this summer. Now I
won't have to go to either." —[The De
troit Free Press.
A MISER'S TRICK.
"Now, boys," asked the miser, as
twelve pair of eyes gazed hungrily at
the steak over which bo invitingly hold
tho knife and fork, "How many of you
will take a nickel and go to bed without
I any supper ?" With visions of tops,
1 marbles and similar attractions, there
was a ready chorus of "I's," but alas for
their bright-hued dreams ! In the morn
ing, refreshed by sloop, their appetites
whetted to a ravenous degree, the old
man asked: "And now, who will give
live cents for his breakfast?" —[Life.
THE LITTLE OARDENEU.
I know n gnnl'ner, bright and spry,
but for a certain reason
11 IK crops, I ho' blest with culluro high,
Are far behind the Sear-on.
More fnitli i what the laddie needs,
For he is always doubting,
And every day digs up the seeds
To see il they ure sprouting.—[Judge.
IT WILL FILL A LONG FELT WANT.
Cumso—l B°e that Edison has in
vented a machine by means of which a
person's fa"o can bo seen miles away.
Mrs. Cumso—Oil, how nioo! You'll
get one, George, and then when wo go
to the theatre you can see a man on tlio
street without leaving your seat.—[Life.
rUT RAY RUM ON HIS FACE.
Mr. Lexington Madison—Where did
you get your load?
I Mr. Windsor Tyo—That beastly baw
| ber put bay rum on my face this maw
| ning.—[Puck.
HE TOLD A FORM OF TRUTH.
I Beggar—Please, please help a poor
cripple.
; Passer By (giving him money)— Poor
fellow ! Where are you crippled
I'oggar (pockoting the money)—ln my
finances, sir.—|The Wasp.
JUST so.
| Boston Hoiress—l am afraid it is not ,
for me, hut for my money, that you j
! como hero so often.
Ardent Wooer—You are cruel to say
! so. How can I got your money without
getting you ?—Boston Courier.
FATHERLY SOLICITUDE.
! Mrs. Skinnplilint (anxiously)—Jamos,
! I am alarmod about Johnny. He lias
. been away all the afternoon. I am
afraid lie's lost.
1 Mr. Hkinnphlint—lt's more likely ho
I has run away for good. And it's been
only three weeks since I had that boy
vaccinated. (Gloomily)— Cost mo a
dollar.—[Chicago Tribune.
COULDN'T STAND ANY WORSE.
Mr. Curtis—l tell you what 'tis, you
could have a far worse husband than I
am.
Eunice (his wife) —I don't want one.
—[Epoch.
Diamonds at the Paris Exposition.
Writing of the displays of the Paris
Exposition, a correspondent says: "One
sees the diamonds in every state, from
the time they are taken from tlio mine
until they are finally set in the most
beautiful bracelets and rivieres. A most
splendid and interesting exhibition.
The exhibition of tlio diamond cutting
is more complotc, a number of the most
skillful workmen have been brought
from Holland and can bo ROOF at work
! on the different branches of the trade.
| First we see those who pick out, test,
and finally select the stones that are to
bo cut; then those who decide how these
stones shall ho cut, and finally tlio
| workmen who cut and polish them on
I the whirling grindstones which, with
the now motor, make 2,400 turns per
j minute. In order to make this exposi
tion a complete one, Messrs. Boas have
; one of the old grindstones which were
formerly used. These are worked by
hand, and the workmen take turns at
| the wheel. The expense is six times
that of the grindstone worked by steam,
ami the work so tiresome that the men
j who turn the wheel have to bo changed
! every fifteen minutes.
OUT in India, the editor of an English
I paper gets from $5,000 to S7,O(H) a year.
| lie does not have much to do, because
the heat makes it impossible for him to
do much. Ho tills his paper with cditor
j ials an I clippings. In the matter of
news, the main thing is tlio weather.
The editor has to keep his eye on floods
and cyclones. A short time ago a hail
storm killed 250 people in an open field.
When tlio weather furnishes such itonis
it is, of course, a big tiling worth look*
ing after.
ONE of the flourishing trader, of San
Francisco is shark tins. The Chinese
residents pay 10 cents a pound for these
I delicacies, and it is said among "first
chop" Celestials, "shark fin soup" ranks
as high as that made from "edible birds'
nests."
I FOUR HUNDRED miles of natural gfiß
, and oil pipe lines are to be built this
year in the Western States, and it is
probable that if these enterprises pay
other lines will be built on a larger
scale.
SWIFT ON THE WINO.
An Express Train Slow Compared
With the Wild Duck and Goose.
"The gadwale—but there, it isn't
likely at all that you know what a gad
wale is," said an observant wild fowl
hunter. " Tho gudwalo is a duck. It
is a wild duck that doesn't got East very
often, but is a familiar fowl in tho West.
I was just about to remark that tho gad
wale is a bird that can travel nearly a
hundred miles while the fastest railroad
train is going fifty, and yet it is slow on tho
wing compared with a canvasback duck,
the broadbill, or oven tho wild goose.
I have held my watch on about every
kind of wild fowl there is, and know to
a dot just how much space any of them
can get over in an hour. Tho eanvas
back can distance the whole wild fowl
family, if it lays itself out to do it.
When tho canvasback is out taking
things easy lie jogs along through the
air at the rat* of eighty miles an hour.
If he has bi mess somewhere, though,
and has to get there, lie can put two
miles behind him every minuto, and do
it easy. If you don't believe that, just
fire square at tho leader in a string of
canvasbacks that arc out 011 a business
trip somo time when you have tho
chance. Duck shot, propelled by tho
proper quantity of powder, travels pretty
quick itself, but if your charge brings
down any member of that string of
ducks at all it will be the fifth or ? sixth
one back from tho leader, and I'll bet
anything there is 011 it. If you have
the faintest idea in tho world of drop
ping the leader you must aim at space
not less than ten feet ahead of him.
Then tho chances are that he will run
plump against your shot. When he
drops you will find him a quarter of a
mile or so 011, bceauso oven after ho is
dead lie can't stop short of that distance.
44 The mallard duck is lazy. He
seldom cares to cover more than a mile
a minute, but he can if ho wants to.
His ordinary every day style of getting
along over tho country takes him from
place to place at about a 45-mile an hour
rate. The black duck can fly neck and
neck with the mallard, and neither ono
can givo the other odds. If the pin tail
widgeon and wood duck should start in
to raco either a mallard or a black duck
it would bo safe to bet 011 either one.
But if a redhead duck slum Id enter the
race you can give big odds on him, for
ho can spin off his ninety miles an hour
as easy as you can walk around tho
block, and can do it all day. Ho would
bo left far behind, though, by tho blue
winged or tho green-winged teal. These
two fowl can fiy side by side for 100
miles and close tho race in a dead heat
in an hour, and appear to make liokfffld
task of it. Tho broadbill duck is the
only fowl that flies that can push tho
canvasback on the wing. Let a broad
bill and a canvasback each do his best
for an hour, and the broadbill will only
come out about ten miles behind. One
hundred and ton miles an hour can bo
done by the broadbill, and lie conse
quently makes a mark for a shotgun
that a pretty good gunner wouldn't bo
apt to Hit once in a lifetime.
44 Tho wild goose is an astonishor on
tho fiy. It lias a big heavy body to
carry, and to seo it waddling 011 tho
ground you wouldn't suppose it could
get away from you very fast on the
wing. But it manages to glido from one
feeding place to another with a sudden
nesß that is aggravating to the best of
wing shots. To see a Hock of 'honkers'
moving along, so high up that tlioy
seem to bo sweeping the cobwebs oft' of
the sky, you probably wouldn't dare to
bet that the}* were traveling at the rate
of ninety miles an hour, but that is
just what thoy are doing, any hour in
the day. The wild goose never fools
any time away. His gait is always a
businoss one." —[New York Sun.
GLOVES OF HUMAN SKIN.
-They Are Palmed Off Abroad as
Being tho Best Kid.
"Gloves which aro sold as kid are
often mado of human skin," said Dr.
Mark L. Nardyz, the Greek physician,
of Pine street, yesterday. "The skin on
the breast," continued the physician,
"is soft and pliable, and may boused in
the making of gloves. When people
buy gloves thoy never stop to question
about the material of which they arc
made. The shop-keeper himsolf may bo
in ignorance, and the purchaser has 110
means of ascertaining whether tho ma
terial is human skin or not. Tho fact
is, the tanning of human skin is ex
tensively carried 011 in Franco and
Switzerland. Tho product is manufac
tured into gloves, and these aro import
ed into this country. Thus, you soe, a
person may be wearing part of a distant
relative's body ami not know it."
Then tho doctor drew from a drawer
a brand new pair of black gloves.
"There," ho said, "is a fine article
mado from tho skin of a child. As the
hide of a kid compares with that of a
goat, so, of course, does tho skin of a
child compare with that of an adult,
and it is much sought in France for
glove purposes.
"The skin of a man's back makes
good solo leather," said tho doctor.
"Nature has protected man's spine by a
skin which is much heavier than that
011 other parts of tho body. Here is a
piece of well-tanned skin from tho calf
of a man's log." And tho doctor dis
played a bit of white leather, strong and
thick.
In a museum in Belgium aro the bod
ies of six members of ono family. They
wore all buried in a tan yard, and when
they were exhumed, years afterward,
tho skin, flesh and even tho bones were
well preserved, so thoroughly tanned
were all tho parts. These specimens are
in a hotter state of preservation than are
tho Egyptian mummies.
A few years ago General lien Butler
effectually chocked the tanning of
human skins in Massachusetts, and
since that time tho business lias ceased.
The few samples of tanned human skin
now obtainable wore made by scientists
as an experiment.
Dr. Nardyz formerly possessed a fine
pair of slippers made out of the skin of
a member of the genus homo, but his
wife did not like the idea of her husband
literally wearing a dead man's shoes,
ami so one day they vanished. The
doctor does not say a word, but ho
thinks ho knows who is responsible for
their disappearance. | Philadelphia
Record.
Makers of Fans and Baskets.
Fiesolo, near Florence, Italy, contains
only between 2,000 and 3,000 inhabi
tants, all engaged apparently in making
straw baskets ami fans. Women with
these wares to sell beset you 011 every
side, run after every carriage and offer
their goods so cheap that you can scarce
ly help buying. A pretty fan at 10
cents does not seem dear to an American,
nor a basket of intricate work at 20
cents. All the inhabitants of the place
who do not plait straw beg, and I am
afraid get almost as much as their in
dustrious neighbors.—[San Francisco
Chronicle.