ftaetrg rntfe Ktiocrllattn.
BEAUTIFUL FOR EVER.
Somewhere there is a radiant land,
All beautiful for ever,
A world by balmy breezes fanned,
With skies unclouded ever.
Upon that stormless shining shore
Falls music as in days of yore,
For ever and for ever.
There, Time enn never dim the light,
Of eyes which sparkle ever,
For golden hair, grown silver bright,
Is beautiful as ever;
Whilo on tho brow Care ennnot trace
A lino that Love would not efface—
For ever and for ever.
Here, close at hand, he r oro our eyes,
Unveiled by Love's endeavor.
That land immortal round us lies,
All beautiful for ever.
Beck not some distant dreamland shore,
But ln-re, Love murmurs o'er und o'er,
Dwell ever and for ever,
Beuutiful for ever.
—David Russell Aitkin.
MAN IN THE RESERVOIR.
BY CHARLES FENNO HOFFMAN.
Thirty years ago you might have seen
some of the best society of New York oh
the top of the distributing reservoir at
Forty street any fine October
morning. There were two or three car
riages in waiting, and half a dozen sen
atorial-looking mothers with young chil
dren pacing the parapet, as we our
selves, one clay in the past generation,
basked there in tho sunshine—now
watching the p ckevel that g ided n'ong
tho lucid edges of the black pool within,
and now look ng off upon the scene of
rich and wondrous variety that spreads
along tho two broad and beautiful rivers
on each side.
"They may talk of Alplicus and Are
thusa," murmured an idling sophomore,
who had found liis way thither during
recitation hours, "but tho Croton, in
passing over an arm of the sea at Spny
ten Duyvil, and bursting to sight again
in this truncated pyramid, beats it all
hollow. Iy George, too, the bay yon
der looks as blue as over tho .Fgeau Sea
to Byron's eye gazing from the Acropo
lis! Did you seo that pike break, sir.'"
"I did not."
"His silver fin flashed upon the b'ack
Acheron, like u restless soul that hoped
yet to mount from the pool."
"The place seems suggestive of
fancies to you?" wo observed in reply to
tho rattlepate.
"It is, indeed; for I have done up a
good deal of anxious thinking within a
circle of a few yards where that lish
broke just now. Shall 1 toll YOU about
it?"
"Pray do."
" Well, you have seen tho notico for
bidding any one to fish in the reservoir.
Now, when I read that warning, the
spirit of the thing struck me at once as
inferring nothing more than that one
should not sully tho temperance pota
tions of our citizens by stooping bait in
it of any kind ; but you probably know
the common way of taking pike with a
slipnooso of delicate wire. I was do
termined to have a touch at the fellows
with this tackle.
"I chose a moonlight night; and an
hour before tho edifice was closed to
visitors I secreted myself within the
walls, determined to pass the night on
the top. All went as I could wish it.
The night proved cloudy, but it was
only a variable drift of broken clouds
which obscured the moon. I had a
walking cane rod with mo which would
reach to tlio margin of the water ? ml
several feet beyond if necessary. To
this was attached tho wire, about fifteen
inches in length.
"I prowlocl along tho parapet for a
considerable timo, but not a single fish
could I see. The clouds made a flicker
ing light and shade that wholly foiled
my steadfast gaze. I was convinced
that should they come up thicker my
whole night's adventure would be thrown
away. 4 Why should I not descend tlio
sloping wall and get nearer on a level
with the fish, for thus a'one can I hope
to see oner' The question had hardly
shaped itself in my mind before 1 hail
one leg ON or tho iron railing.
" If you look around you will seo now
that there aro some half do/.eu weeds
growing here and there amid the fissures
of the solid masonry. In one of these
fissures from whenco these spring I
planted a foot and began my descent.
The reservoir was fuller than it is now,
and a few strides would have carried me
to the margin of the water. Holding
on to tho cleft above, I felt around with
one foot for a place to plant it below
me.
"In that moment the flap of a pound
pike made mo look round, and tho roots
of the weed upon which I partially de
pended gave way as 1 was in the act of
turning. Sir, one's senses are sharp
ened in deadly peril; as I live now, I
distinctly heard the bells of Trinity
chiming midnight as I rose to the sur
face the next instant, immersed in tho
stone caldron, where I must swim for
my life, heaven only could toll iiow
long!
"I am a capital swimmer,and this nat
urally gavo mo a dagreo of J elf-posses-'
sion. Failing as I had, T of course
had pitched out some distance from the j
eloping parapet. A few strokes brought
me to the edge. I really woe not yet;
certain but that I could clamber up the ;
face of the wall anywhere. 1 hoped that
I could.
"I tried the nearest spot. The inclin
ation of the wall was so vertical that it
did not even rest me to lean against it.
I felt with my hands and with my feet.
Surely, I thought, there must ho some
fissure like those in which that ill
omened weed had fonnd a place for its
root.
"There was none. My fingers became
soro in busving themselves with the
harsh and inhospitable stonos. My feet
slipped from the smooth and slimy mas
onry beneath the water, and several
times my fncocame in riule contact with
Wuthe wall, when my foothold gave way
on the instant that I seemed to Jiavo
fonnd some dinr'r utive rocky cleat upon
which I could stay myself."
"Sir, did you ever see a rat drowned
in a half-filled hogshead—how he swims
round, and round, and round, and nfter
vainly trying the sides again and again
with liis paws, fixes his eyes upon the
upper rim as if ho would look himself
out of his watery prison ?
"I thought of the miserable vermin,
thought of him as I had often watched
thus his dying agonies, when a cruel
urchin of oiglit or ten. Boys are horrid
ly cruel, sir; boys, women and savages.
All childlike things arc cruel—cruel
from want of thought, from perverse in
genuity.
"I thought then, I say, of the rat
I drowning in a half-filled cask of water,
' and lifting his gaze out of the vessel ns
he grew desperate, and I Hung myself
on my back, and, floating thus, fixed my
eyes upon the moon.
"The moon is well enough in her way,
howevor you may look at her, but her
appearance is, to say the least of it, pe
culiar to a man floating on his back in ;
the centre of a stone tank, with a (lea l
wall of some fifteen or twenty feet rising
squarely on every side of him !" (The
young man smiled bitterly as he sai I
this, and shuddered once or twice be- 1
fore he went on musingly.)
"The last time I had noted the planet j
with any emotion she was on the wane, j
Mary was with me; I had brought her i
out here one morning to look at the '
view from the top of the reservoir. She ;
said little of the scene, but as we talked .
of our old childish loves, I saw that its i
fresh features were incorporating thorn- j
selves with tender memories of the past,
and I was content.
"There was a rich golden haze upon |
the landscape, ami as my own s irits
rose amid the voluptuous atmosphere, 1
she pointed to tlio wan'ng planet, d s
eernib'e like a faint gash in the welkin, ;
and wondered how long it would 1 e be
fore the leaves would fall. Strange girl!
did she mean to rebuke my joyous mood '
as if we ha 1 no right to be happy while
nature, withering in her pomp, and the
sickly moon wasting in the bla c of
noontide, was there to remind us of 'the
gone forever.'
'They will all renew themselves, dear
Mary,' said I, 'and there is one that wiil :
ever keep tryst a ike with thee and
nature through all seasons, if thou wilt
but be true to one of us, and remain as
now, a child of n dure.'
"A tear sprang to hor eye, and then
searching her pocket for her card case, !
she remembered an engagement to be
present at Miss Lawson's opening of
fall bonnets at two o'clock !
"And yet, dear, wild, wayward Mary,
I thought of her now. You have prob
able outlived tiiis sort of th'ng, sir; but i
I, looking at tlio moon, as I lb atod there '
unturned to her }*cl ow light, thought
of the loved being whose tears I knew;
would flow when she heard of my singu- ;
Jar fate, at once so grotesque, yet mel- j
ancholv to awfulness.
"And how often have we tilkod. too,
of that C'arian shepherd, who spent his '
damp nights upon the hills, gazing as f !
(lo on tho lustrous planet! Wl;o will j
revel with her amid those o'd superstit- j
ions i Who freni our own unlegended
woods, will evoke their yet undetected!
haunting spirits i Who poor with her !
in prying scrutiny into nature's laws,
anil challenge tho whispers of poetry j
from tlio voiceles* throat of matter ? i
Who laugh merrily over the stupid
guesswork of pedants, that na or j
mingled with tire infinitude of nature, i
through love exhnrst'ess and all em- !
bracing as we have ! Poor girl! she wdl !
be com pan ion less.
"Alas! companionlcss forever- save
in the exciting stages of some brisk flir
tation. She wi'l live hereafter by feed
ing other hearts with hue's lore she has j
h arned from me, and then. Pygmnlioii
like, grow fond of the images she has
horse f endowed with senib aiue of
d villity. How anxious she nil be lest
the Coroner shall have il scovere I any
of hor notes in my pocket!
"I felt chilly as this last reflection '
£ r ossod my mind, partly at thought of :
lie Coroner, partly at the idea of Mary |
being unwillingly eompe'lod to wear
mourning for me, in ease of such a dis- j
closure of our engagement. Jt is a
provoking tiling for a girl of nineteen to
have to go into mourning for a deceased
lover at tlio beginning of hor second
winter in the metropolis.
"Tlio water though, with my motion-!
loss oosition, must have had something ;
to do with my chilliness. 1 see, sir, you
think that I t 11 my story with great
levity; but indeed I should grow delir
ious did 1 venture to hold steadily to
the awfulness of my feelings the greater
part of that night. 1 think, indeed, I
must have been meat of the time hyster
ical with horror, for tho vibrating emo
tions I have recapitulated did pass
through my brain, e\en as I havo do
tailed them.
"But, as I now became calm in
thought, I summoned up again some
resolution of action.
"I will begin at that corner, said I,
and swim around the whole enclosure,
1 will swim slowly and again feel the
sides of the tank with my fee'. If die
I must, let me perish at least from well
directed though exhausting effort, not
sink from mere bootless weariness in
sustaining myself till the morning shall
bring ro'.ief.
"The sides of the p'neo seemed to
grow higher as I now kept my watery
course beneath them. It. was not alto
gether a dead pull. I had some variety
of emotion in making my circuit. When
I swam in tho shadow it looked to me
more cheerful beyond in tlio moonlight.
When I swam in the moonlight I had
the hope of making some discovery
when I should again rcadi the shadow.
I turned several times on my back to
rest just where those wavy lines would
meet. The stars looked viciously light
to mo from the bottom of that well;
there was such a company of them; they
were so glad in their lustrous revelry,
and they luvd such space t > move in !
I was alone, sail to despair in a strange
element, imprisoned, and a solitary
gazer upon their chorus. And yet there
was nothing clso with which I could
hold communion !
"I turned upon my breast and struck
out almost frantically once more. The
stars were forgotten, the moon, the very
world of which I as yot formed a part,
my poor Mary herself wero forgotten.
I thought only of the strong man there
perishing; of mo in my lusty manhood,
in the sharp vigor of my dawning prime,
with faculties illimitable, with senses
all alert, battling there with physical
obstacles which men like myself had
brought together for my undoing. The
Eternal could never havo willed this
thing! 1 could iut and I would not
perish thus. And J grew strong in
insolence of self-trust; and I laughed
aloud as 1 dashed the sluggish water
aside.
"Then came nn emotion of pity for
myself, of wild, wild regret.; of sorrow,
oh infinite, for a fate so desolate, a doom
so dreary, so heart sickening ! You may
laugh at the contradiction if you will,
sir, but I felt that J could sacrifice my
own life on the instant to redeem an
other fellow creature from such a place
of horror, from au end BO piteous. My
soul and my vital spirit seemed in that
desperate moment to be separating;
while one in parting grieved over the
deplorable fate of the other.
"And then I prayed! I prayed, why
or wherefore I know not. It was not
from fear. It o mid not havo been in
hope. The days of miracles aro past,
and there was no natural law by who 1 e
interposition I could be saved. I did
not piny, it prayed of itself, my soul
within me.
"Was the calmness that I now felt
torpidity ; the torpidity that precedes
dissolution, to the strong swimmer who,
sinking f 'om exhaustion, must at last
add a bubble to the wave as ho suffocates
beneath the element which now denied
his mastery? If it weie so, how fortun
ate was it that my floating rod at that
moment attracted my attention as it
dashed through tho water by me. I
saw on the instant that a fish had en
tangled himself in the wire noose. The
rod quivered, plunged, came again to
the surface, and rippled the water as it
I shot in arrowy flight from side to side
lof the tank. At last, driven towards
the southeast corner of the reservoir,
the small end seemed to have got foul
somewhere. The bia en butt, which,
o ery time the fish sounded, was thrown
up to the moon, now tank by its own
weight, showing that the other end
must he fast. But the cornered fish,
evident'v anchored somewhere by that
sho: t wire, floundered several times to
the surfa e before I thought of striking
out to tho spot.
"The water is lower now, and toler
ably clear. You may see the very ledge
there, sir, in yonder corner, on which
the small end of my rod rested when I
secured that pike with my hands. I did
not take liiin from the slip-noose, how- I
over ; but, standing upon tlio ledge, !
handled the rod in a workmanlike man
ner, as I flung that pound pickerel over
the iron rui ing upon the top of the par
apet. The rod, as I have told you,
barely reached from the railing to the
water. It was a heavy, strong bass rod,
and when I discovere"; that the fish at
t 1 e end of tho wire made a strong
enough knot to prevent mo from drawing
my tackle away from tho railing around
which it twined itself as I threw, why,
as you can at once see, I had but little
difficulty in making my way up the face
of the wall with such assis'anco.
" The ladder you 8"e lashed to the
iron railing is in the identical spot
where I thus made my escape ; and, for
fear of simi'ar accidents, they have
placed another one in the corresponding
corner of the other compartment of the
tank, over since my remarkable night's
adventure in tho lonesome water's of the
reservoir."
A Brave Oneida Indian Woman.
Here is an account of the brave deed
of an Oneida indiau woman, whose
courage seems only equaled by hor
pride of race.
Driving into tho fields one day where
hor husband and others were at work
sho encountered a log lying across the
road in such away that she could not
pass. As there was no one near to help
her, ami tho log was beyond her strength
to move, she proceeded to cut it in two
with an ax she hiul in the wagon.
To her surprise she found she had
disturbed a mother bear and her family
of cubs. The be r, more frightened
than angry, took to the woods, and tho
woman walked in search of tho men and
their firearms. Finding them, sho iron
ducted hor relief party qu ckly back to
tho log, to find that the bear had also
returned.
When all were stationed ready for
ac ion she again used hor ax. on the log,
and the bear made hor second appear
ance, this time angry and vengeful.
The man who stood ready for just this
emergency misted his aim, dropped the
gun. and with all his other masculine
companions took to his heels. Left
alone with the infuriated beast, with
only an ax for defense, this Indian
woman cooly waited until the bear
came near enough, and, lotting tho ax
fall with all her might upon its head,
killed it with that one stroke.
The same weapon applied to three of
the little orphans effectively prevented
their ever realizing their loss, and the
other sho kindly adopted und carried
home with her.
Beaching her home she found her
husband, son and others assembled
there, anxiously speculating as to what
could have been the result of the en
counter they had failed to soe ended.
Standing before them, with tho cub in
her arms, she scornfully surveyed them
from head to foot and exclaimed:
"Cowards, you lia\o no Indian blood
in your veins." —[New York Press.
Sain's Baby King.
Tho young King of Spain is growing
into a fairly strong and healthy boy,
and lie is enjoying his holiday st y at
Aranjuez with his mother immensely.
Ho is especially delighted with the
drives which lie is taken by tho Queen
llegent, who drives out every day in a
pony phaeton with a pair of bays, which
sho manages with consummate skill.
Her royal son sits up proudly at her
side anil kisses his hand to the delighted
country people with the most engaging
frankness. His Majesty's playthings
nearly filled a large luggage van when
the royal baggage was brought from
Madrid, and additions aro made to tlio
assortment at frequent intervals.
One of his latest toys, in which ho is
beginning to take great interest,* was
presented to His Majesty by the officers
of the regiment of Guards of which he
became the Colonel by right of birth.
This specially designed toy consists of
a reproduction, on a liliputian scale of
the f)00 officers and men of the regiment,
each diminutive soldier being an accur
ate copy in uniform and accoutrements
of tho original. It is accompanied by a
finished model of tho barracks in which
tiio regiment is quartered, and thero
are tho bandsmen, too, each with his
own special instrument, and a scries of
transport wagons, amlni'anco carriers,
ammunition carts, etc. At present His
Majesty is only allowed to play with his
model regiment under the direct per
sonal supervision of Henora do Tocon,
who is superintendent of the little
King's household, and held tho same
post when his father, Alphonso XII.,
was a child. Those who seo most of tho
young King are much struck with tho
striking resemblance bo bears to bis
ancestor, Charles IX.—[London Figaro.
A Cheap Barometer.
There is nothing to equal tho beautiful
simplicity and yet downright mystery of
Nature's processes. Here we have been
building expensive observatories in out
of-t e-wuv p'aecs,ransacking tho heavens
for possible laws to guide us in making
our almanacs and putting up costly ba
roiuetcis in our houses, when all wo
need have done to have understood tlio
weather was simply to take cofieo in the
morning for breakfast instead of ten. So
nt least says an Englishman who has
adopted this simple method for a
number of years and has never known it
to foil. His manipulation of the cup of
cofieo is simple. Into tho coffee and
milk which has been placed before him
he drons a lump of sugar, and by means
of the bobbles that rise to the surface
he is able to make his calculations. If
the hubbies rush to the side of the cup,
as if to seek shelter, it is going to rain
very hard; if they meet together in tlio
centre a general downpour is likely to
follow; but if they remain stationary a
fine day is expected. It would interest
some people to know if a lump of sugar
dropped into a glass of toddy would bo
equally communicntivo.
WELL QUALIFIED.
McCorkle—lt's queer that none of
those railway robbers aro women.
Mrs. McCorklo (indignnntly)—1 ndced!
And why?
McCorkle —Because they know so well
how to hold up a tru'n.— [Epoch.
A SOUTH GEORGIA farmer says he pro
vents his cows from jumping a fence by
cutting off their lower eyelashes. This
makes the fence appear to be about three
times higher than it " c
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Prodigal's Return Romance |
and Provisions—No Capacity.
THE rROI v IOAL's RETURN.
Old Mr. Stetson —You sent your little
boy over to borrow my engraving of
"The Prodigal Son?"
Old Mr. Harcom—Y es, I am going to
have a little celebration at the house to
night.
44 Would it be impertinent in me to
inquire what the littlo celebration is to
be like:"
44 Not at all. My son Jim is coming
back from Oklahoma," —{Time.
ROMANCE AND PROVISIONS.
As the last page of the epic lay before
him, Pielro Flanders drew a long breath
and sailed in with renewed vigor. Line
after lino was reeled oft' until, late in
the afternoon the final stanza alone re
mained to be written. Girding himself
for a supreme effort he penned:
And at lust with the jewels of ophia
I ran toy; and take pent on my sofa.
Just then the landlady's voice came
rasping up the stairs.
44 Mr. Flanders! Oh*. Mr. Flanders.
Eggs is eggs, an' money is money. If
you've got 15 cents in cash, dinner's
ready."
Mr. Flanders didn't dine that night.
—[Time.
WAIL OF THE STANDING COLLAR,
Alas for humidity,
Lark of rigidity
Under the sun.
Oh, it was pitiful,
N'oar h whole cityful,
Not n starched one!
—[Clothier and Furnisher.
HE COULD'NT USE IT.
A stall-keeper on the central market
who had been "stuck" with a number of
green melons, plugged one yesterday,
poured a pint of kerosene into the hole,
and aftor waiting a quarter of an hour
gave it to a colorod man. The latter set
down on a box to eat it, but after re
moving the plug and taking a smell he
arose and returned tlio melon to the
stand.
4 4 What's the matter?" asked the donor.
"Ize much obleegod, but I couldn't use
it onless you frow in a ehimbly an' a
wiek, an' dat would bo axin' too much
of anybody."—[Detroit Free Press.
NO CAPACITY.
A tradesman, who had amassed a
fortune, anxious that his sou should
enjoy tlio advantages which bad been
denied himself, placed him under the
tuiton of a minister of considerable
attainments. Going t;o the clergyman,
after the boy had been for some months
under his care, the father was disap
pointed to find that lie had made little
progress, and inquired what the trouble
was.
"Why, the trouble is simply this,"
replied the minister, "your son wants
capacity."
"Wants capacity," exclaimed the
father, 44 Why on earth did'nt you tell
me about it sooner? I would have got
him one if it cost a thousand dollars.—
Drake's Magazine.
AN ACCEPTABLE CONTRIILUTION,
Author—You return everything I offer.
What can I send you that will bo ac
ceptable?
Editor—A year's subscription.
MASTER FRED'S VERDICT.
44 Freddie, you have a now baby at
the house, haven't you?"
44 Yoth'um."
44 What does little sister think about
him?"
4 4 She says lie's too sweet for any
thing!"
"And what do you think about him?"
44 1 think he's a big nuisance."—
[Epoch.
WHERE IT WAS.
Brown—What's all this about your
throwing pepper at your sister.'
Little Johnny—Why, dad, that's all
in her eye.—[Drake's Magazine.
A GOOD BUSINESS MAN.
44 Here, Brown, let's see how much
you weigh. Drop a nickel in the slot."
" No, I'll not do that; hut you drop a
nickel in my hand, and I'll toll you how
much I weigh, my age, and the sizo of
my hat."
TO INSURE QUICK DELIVERY.
44 But, Johnny, how could it lake you
so long to post the letter for uncle in
the Post Office?"
"Oh, I did not go to the Post Office
at all, mammn, but to the letter-box just
in front of his house, so that he would
get it sooner."
MIGHT MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Visitor—lt seems to me that your
mother doesn't talk as pure English as
before she went West.
Daughter—Well, to tell you the truth,
she doesn't.
Visitor—What has made the difference?
Daughter—Wo don't ki ow; un'ess it
is the now set of teeth ma got in Detroit.
—[Judge.
TIRED.
4 4 You look weawy andtiahd, Cliolly."
"Yaas, my deali boy I overwahked
myself this maliuin."
44 Overworked yourself, Cliolly?"
! 4 Ynas, my deali fellah; 1 tied my
own quavat this niahnin."—[Light.
HIS BIRTHDAY TOO.
Augustus (no longer Iho Young)
Well, there's one comfort; they say at
forty a man is either a fool or a physi
cian.
Angelina (nearly swallowing a yawn)
—And are you a physician then?
Augustus—No.
Angelina—Oh!
ON ACCOUNT OF HIS FAMILY.
First Juryman—lt looks like a pretty
clear ease aguinst the feller, that's a
fact, hut I think we had better let liim
go—on account of his family.
Second Juryman—Why, the family is
just about as no-nocount as he is. I
can't see where your argument comes in.
First Juryman- What I mean is that
we will have to keep 'em all winter if
we send him to jail. See.—[Terre Haute
Express.
NO DANGER OF INTERFERENCE.
First Burglar ? whispering)— Hist! I
hear a step on the s dewulk in front,
Bill. Is the coast clear?
Second Burglar (listening a moment)
—lt's too brisk a step for a policeman,
Jake. Up with that window.—[Chicago
Tribune.
HIS UNLUCKY DAY.
" Friday may bo an unlucky day for
some people, but Thursday is mine.
That's the day on which I proposed."
44 O, yes; and the girl rejected you.
I see."
44 No; she accepted me."
SCIENCE ALWAYS READY.
Cnllor—Doctor, Mr. Divine, tlicmnsclo
reader, fe!l into a sort of trance a littlo
while ago and we cannot arouse liim.
Is it catalepsy or death.'
Doctor (a groat scientist) —Bring me
his head and I'll soon tell you.—[New
York Weekly.
CORRECTLY NAMED.
Ida—Mamma, why do they call those
things dog carts.'
I Mamma—Because, dear, so many pup
pies ride in them. —[Time.
SAFE FROM EXPOSURE.
" I am from St. Louis," snid a young
man, as he registered at a Chicago hotel. (
" Oh, well, replied the e'erk, compas
sionately, "put your address down as
New York. Your awful secret will l.e
safe with me."—[Bazar.
STRANGE SOUNDS IN THE APIRONDACKS.
Miss Boston—Papa, I find our Pro
fessor of Pathology very interesting.
Mr. Boston—Our what/
Miss Boston—Our Professor of Pntli
ology—our guide, you know.
SHE WAS INEXPERIENCED.
Young Wifo—l don't see why I can't
get a plain cook. I've advertised for
one for a week.
Experienced Matron—Suppose you ad
vertise for a good-looking one.—[Bazar.
UNWELCOME.
Peddler—Beg pardon, ma'am, but I
am agent for Doctor Feeder's Spice Boot
Bitters, and I'm sure if the members of
your family would try them they would
soon have the finest appetites "
Lady at Door (severely ) —This, sir, is
a boarding-house.—[New York Weekly.
A PERTINENT QUERY.
Parent—What would you charge mo
to put my boy through your college.'
Professor —About #l, 0(X).
Parent—Do you charge anything extra
for teaching reading and writing, more
than you do where they just take boat
ing and baseball/—[Omaha World.
RATTLED.
Bloodgood—Peasley seems to mo ex
cessively polite—don't you think so?
Posey boy—l hadn't noticed it.
Bloodgood—Why, yesterday Iliad the
misfortune to knock his hat oft', and ho
said, "Excuse me! " —Burlington Free
Press.
A RAD SCRAPE.
Customer (to barber) —Have you heard |
of the bad scrape young Brown got into
yestorday ?
Barber—Why, no, sir! Who shaved
him /—[Mobile (Ala) Register.
IT WAB ALL THERE.
"That was a fine speech of yours,
Fanglo, but there was one quotation
that mystifies mo."
"Which was that, Cum so?"
" You said: 4 In the words of Webster,'
etc. Where did you got that? It is not i
in my edition of his works."
44 1 got those words, out of the Un
abridged Dictionary, my friend."
NO ONE LIVED THERE.
Book Agent—Can you toll mo, sir,
who lives in this house.'
Buggins (who is standing outside liis
boarding house door) —No one lives in
the house, my friend; but a number of
i poor creatures, including myself, drag
out a miserable existence within its :
walls.
A HARD PLACE.
Cowboy (Arizona) —I'm going to New
York next month, and hear it is a hard
town. Had I better fetch my gun along
fur self-pertecksun?
"No. But you might bring some
wire fence, to circumscribe yourself
withal, lest the street urchins make a
perennial circus parade of you.—[Drake's j
Magazine.
A Lusty South American Republic, j
[The wonderful growth of the Argentine |
Republic in recent years has attracted
attention to this most southern of Amer
ican republics. Tlio population two years
ago was little more than three millions
and since then it has increased over fif
teen per cent. In 188 ft the immigration
was Oft,ooo, from which number it in
creased steadily to 137,000 in 1887, and
to 175,000 in 1888. The foreign trado j
hns advanced correspondingly, and the '
building of railroads luvs been unprece- j
dented. There is at present a total length ,
of 5,770 miles of railroad, or one milo to 1
every thirty-five and one-third square j
miles of territory As the United States j
has but one mile of railroad to every !
twenty square miles of territory, this |
shows an unusual developcment for a i
South American State. In spite of this |
development now lines are projected
among which are two of primary import
ance. The first is from Buenos Ayres to
Valparaiso, in Chile, thus joining tlio
eastern and western shores of South
America ; the other is from Buenos Ay
res, through Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, and
the United States of Colombia, to tlio
Isthmus of Panama. All this indicates
a strong speculative spirit; and that the
building of railroads is more rapid tlinn
the needs of tlio country wouid demand,
is shown by the fact that at the Inst
session of the Congress of the Argentine
Republic it was proposed to legislate
against 44 paralleling" railroad lines.
Another piece of legislation against
speculation was the law prohibiting
speculation in gold in the exchange. The
price of gold luts been steadily increas
ing, owing to the fact that the imports
have largely exceeded the exports, and
tlio Argentine Republic, not being a gold
producing country, had no supply tocall
upon to pay the balance. The result has
been a scarcity of gold, and the curren
cy of the country dropped from seventy
four per cent, to sixty-two ami live
tenths per cent. The minister of finance
attributed the decline to the speculation
in gold, which he showed was seventeen
times the actual needs of commerce, and
the exchange was c losed by tlio police.
But, like most legislative panaceas, the
new law has not brought about the ex
pected result. The prico of currency eon
continues to decline, and gold must still
he obtained by foreign loans, to hero ex
ported in payment of imports.—[Argon
aut.]
A Hissing, Spouting Well.
The Santa Rosa (Gal.) Republican
says: El Verauo has a sensation in the
shape of a hissing, spouting well. In
boring, the auger when near tlio top was
thrown fifteen feet in the air, roaring
and hissing noises emanating from the
well, followed by a discharge of stones
and molten matter, covering the ground
around the well to a depth of several
inches. A stream of water and stones
l ave followed at intervals ever since.
The phenomenon attracts considerable
attention at the new town.
THERE IN a woman in a West of-Eng
land town who makes a good living by
killing cuts. She advertises tlmt if peo
ple who are about to go away for the
summer will send their cats to her she
will kill them with chloroform.
HIDDEN TREASURES.
SOME INSTANCES OF CURIOUS
AND VALUABLE DISCOVERIES.
Heavy Nuggets of Gold Found in
America and Australia—Wealth in
Decaying Tree Stumps.
A multitude of more or loss interest-1
ing anecdotes of curious discoveries of
hidden treasures, historical relics and 1
other mementoes of the past might ho
collected, of which a few here given are
worth perusal as fair examples.
One of tho most important and ex- j
tensive discoveries of this kind was that
mado a few years since by a Russian j
peasant with an unpronounceable name,
m the village of Staragorsilki. The
peasant lived upon land forming part of i
tho esta o of Prince Ostersky, whose 1
ancestors were plundered and expelled
from their possessions by the Tartars, |
and in all probability the treasure dis
covered was secreted at that period, j ,
The peasant was at work not less than
ten years in searching for the hidden
valuables, but tho circumstances which ' t
first instigated his search are not stated, j
Ho was rewarded, however, by finding, I ■
besides numerous precious articles and r
manuscripts, twelve largo boxes filled *
with very ancient coins of fine gold. I i
The total value of the find is given at (
17,000,00!) roubles, two-thirds of which i
went to the State and one third to tho , (
lucky finder, making his share #3,- 1 (
000,000. I T
A very singular discovery of ail en
tirely different character is thus re
corded. In 1501) an Arab boy, a con
vert to Christianity, was taken prisoner
by the Algerines and sent to Algiers,
where, refusing to abjure Christianity,
ho was thrown into the mold iu which a
bio <k of concrete was about to be cast,
and tho block was afterward built into
tho wall of the fort. In tho year 1853
tho fort was dismantled, and the Arab's
hones wero found in the block, the posi
tion of which had been noted by an an
cient chronicler. A east now in the
Algiers museum was taken of the cavity
in which the martyr's features, and even
tho texture of his garments are per
fectly preserved. His bones were
placed in a marble tomb in tho cath
edral.
A very odd discovery was once made
in n Newburg, N. Y., cemotcry. While
clearing up the grounds it became neces
sary to cut down a large willow tree,
which measured at its base nearly five
feet in diameter. When the men woro
ready to take the tree away, it war
found advisable to cut the stump in
pieces, on account of its great size and
weight. They, therefore, sawed into it,
and after cutting about fifteen inches
from the surface, at a point some three
feet from the ground, the saw grazed
across something hard. Not expecting
to find anything but wood so far in the
tree, they made several more strokes,
and stopped only when they discovered
that the sawdust was composed of line
white powder—in short, marble dust.
Tho workmen then split tho stum]),
using powder and ax, until they reached
tho curiosity, which proved to ho a
marble foot-stone in tho very heart of
tho tree. The fiber or grain of the
wood had grown around it, and evi
dently had been too powerful for tho
stone, for it had been broken in two
pieces, and tho top leaned considerably
out of place. In spite of tho utmost
care, so firmly was it imbedded, that it
was found impossible to remove it with
out breaking, and tho memento was con
sequently not preserved.
A curious discovery was made about
ten years ago, in a tree near Augusta,
Ga. A civil engineer was engaged in
running and locating the lines of a lot
of land below the city, using as assist
ance a deed drawn up 121 years before.
In one section of tho deed it was re
corded, that the lino touched a certain
point whore stood a beech tree, upon
which a cross mark had been mado with
nn ax. Tho engineer ran his line to an
old beech tree, and, concluding that this
was the point in question, looked for the
mark, but of course could not find it.
Taking an ax, he cut into the tree, and
to his surprise almost the first block
chipped out, revealed the identical mark
referred to in tho ancient document.
Tho mark was still perfect, but had long
been covered up, having boon made
some years before the Revolutionary
War. The date of tho deed was 1759.
Ho many more or leas prosperous
stories of remarkable discoveries of toads ;
imprisoned in solid substances are con
tinually going the rounds of tlio news- i
papers that one hesitates at accepting
any of them as authentic. Of the large
numbers of these that might be given wo
will quote but one, which, although in
some respects the most marvelous of
them all, is vouched for by an English
writer. The relator of this auecdote
states tl at. many years ago a friend of
his father's caused to be brought from
Italy a piece of pure white marble, out
of which a mantel-piece was constructed
for his sitting room. The marble was
in one block and free from flaw, save in
one part. Soon after its erection the
owner noticed a small damp looking
stain, not larger than the nail of his little
finger, in the very centre of the mantel
piece. This, however, was so slight a
blemish that it did not trouble him until
it became evident that the spot was
slowly but surely increasing in si/e. For
twenty years he sat in his arm chair
facing the curious stain; tho gentleman
marveled greatly as to what caused its
certain spread. At tho end of that pe
riod it had increased to the size of the
palm of his hand, and lie was unuhlo to
longer restrain his curiosity. Masons
were accordingly sent for and desired to
take down the marble and break it in
two, so as to disclose the mystery. This
was done, when, to the amazement of
all, out hopped an enormous toad, ap
patently none tho worse for his long im
prison men t.
A very interesting archaeological dis
covery was made some years ago in Nor- •
way. From a burial mound, nearly 150 i
feet in diameter, was dug a well-pre
served viking ship, in which some
chieftain had been entombed centuiies
ago. Tho craft is the largest ancient
vessel now known to exist, it being 74
feet long and 16 feet wide, with twenty
ribs. Along its sides a row of circular
shields extends completely around it.
The mound is now nearly a milo from
the sea, but it is evident that in olden
times tlio waves washed its base, and that
t he vessel was drawn out of the water and
buried at its edge.
A curious relic of one of the expeditions
which sailed to the West Indies under
the command of Columbus was discov
ered some twelve years ago. On August
4, 1408, a small spuulron of three vessels,
under the orders of Christopher Colum- j
bus, was anchored off the southwestern ,
extremity of the island of Trinidad. Late
at niffht Columbus, it is related by
Washington Irving, suddenly saw a wall
of water approaching toward the fleet
from the south. His own vessel was
lifted so high by the incoming wave that
ho feared it would be either submerged
or dashed oil shore, while the cable of
one of the other ships parted under the
strain to which it was subjected. The
crews of the vessels gave themselves up
for lost, but after a time the which
must have been caused by an exception
ally large body >f water coming sud
den lv down one of the rivers flowin"
into the Gulf of Harla, ebbed back a "-aim
This sudden rise of the waters is men
tioned by Columbus' son, Ferdinand,
who adds that the fleet sulVerod no
damage save the loss of one anchor, it
was tliis anchor which was found, and
strangely enough, it wax dug up from a
deptli of six feet below the surface of
the ground, at a spot .'172 feet from the
nearest point of the coast lino. The
land, it is xvcll known, has gained con
siderably upon the sea along the shores
of Venezuela, so that, where once ships
rode at anchor, gardens are now planted.
The anchor itself was of simple form
land comparatively ludo manufacture,
| the stock being eight feet long and
! round, with a ring at ono end a foot in
diameter to which to mako fast the
I cable, and with Jlukes live feet long, the
: whole weighing 1.1"" pounds,
j The story of the discovery of gold in
I North Carolina is somewhat curious.
Near the close of the last century the
| child of a poor settler, roaming along tJio
hanks of a small stream, discovered a
I bright yellow stone, which, with the as
j sistance of his playmates, lie picked up
and carried to his father. The old man,
| who had evidently no knowledge of tho
appearance of gold in its native state,
saw nothing particularly romarknble in
! the stone, but, not to disappoint the
child, hade him place it near tho cabin
door, which it would serve to keep open
or shut at pleasure. As the slono was
1 quite heavy, weighing nearly fifteen
! pounds, it was found of considerable
use for that purpose. Several years
elapsed before any ono thought of tho
stone's being possibly a mineral of value,
although the owner often showed it to
his neighbors, bidding them mark its
unusual weight. Finally ho was induced
by some ono to take it to a goldsmith in
tho neighboring town of Fayottvillc,
who, upon testing it, at onco pronounced
it to bo gold. So simple, however, and
so ignorant of the value of the precious
metal was the old farmer that ho even
then a 1 lowed the dishonest goldsmith to
buy the nugget of him for tho paltry
sum of £l. Its true value was ascertained
to he not less than s<l,ooo, and tho
locality in which it was found soon bo
cam o a rich field for gold hunters. This
is claimed to have been tlio first discov
ery of gold ever made in tho United
States.
The history of tho finding of enormous
| nuggets of gold in Australia reads almost
like a romance. Tho earliest discovery
of this kind was in 1851, but a few
months after the opening of tho mines
i near Ilnt-hurst. This was the celebrated
"100-pound lump," which owed its dis
covery to the following curious circum
stances: A native in tho employ of one
Dr. Kerr was lounging along, liatehet in
hand, through a sheep run, whero ho
had walked 100 times before, llis eyes
caught something yellow upon tho sur
face of a block of quartz, and a blow from
his hatchet disclosed a mass of gold. Ho
hastened back to his mastor, who took
his horse and rode to the spot. The
largest block weighed seventy-five
pounds, and by its side wore two frag
ments, each of about half its weight,
which had apparently originally formed
part of it. Lost in amazement, tho
doctor was at a loss to dispose of his
prize. At last he concluded to break it
up, put it in a pair of saddle bags and
convoy it home on horseback, a ride of
many hours. As lie was compelled to stop
at somo human habitation for refresh
i ment, ho would lift tho saddle bags
I with forced indillereneo and fling them
| carelessly over a rail fence. "It seems
heavy," somo suspicious looking by
i standcr, perhaps bush anger, would re
mark interrogatively. "Oh, yes," tho
doctor would answer, endeavoring to
allay suspicion by nn apparent jest,
j "full of gold, of course!" When the
gigantic nuggets came to bo weighed
: they wore found to contain a little more
than 100 pounds of pure gold, worth, as
metal, more than 820,000. Hut now
tho thought Hashed upon tho doctor
that, had it remained unbroken, it would
have boon worth much more as a spoc-
I imcn, and a fortune might have been
made by exhibiting it. With tho "val
perversity of human nature, tho poor
practitioner began to look upon himself,
and to be looked on by his neighbors,
not ns tho lucky man who had mado
820,000 by a single day's ride, but as
tho unfortunate individual who had lsfc
ton times as much by a few blows of tho
hatchet.
Among several nuggets of extraordin
ary size found many years later in the
Victoria mines, tho most famous is tho
"Weleomo Stranger," which was un
earthed by two Cornislimon named
Deeson and Gates, who had for fifteen
years known only the hardest of luck.
On tho morning <f February 5, 1809,
they had readied the very depth of their
long continued ill-fortune. For tho
first time in their lives they went hun
gry to their work, the storekeeper hav
ing refused to trust them any longer for
the necessities of life. Hut their pa
tience and perseverance were destined
at last to be amply rewarded. As with
feelings of gloom and depression they
set about their daily task, tho pick of
one of them suddenly rebounded, hav
ing evidently struck some hard sub
stance. On removing tho surrounding
clay, thoro was revealed to their aston
ished gaze a solid lump of gold a foot
long and a foot broad, ami so heavy
that their united strength was scarcely
able to move it. Tho poverty stricken
miners had become in a moment tho
possessore of tho largest mass of virgin
gold ever discovered. A dray was pro
cured, and the monster nugget, escorted
by an admiring crowd, was taken into
tho town of Dunolly, where it was
weighed and found to contain 2,2G8V
ounces of gold. It was immediately
purchased by the bank for 817,(170,
which sum tho fortunate finders divided
equally botweeu them.—[Globo Demo
crut.
All for an Old Umbrella.
i "Do you know why Governor Gordon
appointed Alvnn D. Freeman to bo
: Judge of the County Court of Coweta?"
a gentleman from Nownan asked.
! "No; was there any special reason ?"
"There was. It was on account of an
old umbrella. When Governor Gordon
surrendered at Appomattox it was rain
ing hard. The water was running down
his face so fast that it was with dilli
eulty ho mado a little impromptu
speech, composed for tho occasion.
Seeing tho General's embarrassment,
A Ivan Freeman, who was the owner of
(ho only umbrella in tho Confederate
army, raised it, and stepping close up
to t.lie General, held it over Ids head,
protecting him from tho rain until his
j little speech was finished. The General
j was very grateful to Alvnn, and the very
j first occasion that invented itself
i proved that ho had not forgotten tho
; umbrella act by appointing ldiv to a
Judge's place."- [Atlanta .Journal.
J THE recent death of General W. SJ
Harney leaves Hannibal Dhy at the head
iof tho longevity list of tho army. Day
! entered the Academy as a cadet in 1819,
but in years he followed considerably
I behind Ooneial Harney, being now in
I his eighty-fifth year.