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WOMEN:
(7 :
| SMOKING CAR FOR WOMEN,
The first smoking car ever reserved
for women in Great Britain left a big
London terminus a few days ago for
Liverpool. The windows bore a label
ceading “Ladles’ Smoking.” The in-
aovation attests the spread of smoking
among Englishwomen during recent
year.
A NEW FASHION,
The latest fad in table decoration
among the ultra-fashionable is to com-
* pletely cover the cloth with blossoms.
The flowers are spread in a close mass
over the entire centre of the table, leav-
ing only enough space for the necessi-
ties of the service. From the midst
of the blossoms silver or rare china or-
naments rise with charming effect.
At a dinner recently given the table
savas hidden under a mass of pale roses;
azalea blossoms and antique Dresden
china were wonderfully effective on
such a setting. Another dinner given
by a French countess had the cloth
spread with Parma violets.
MANIA FOR EMBROIDERY.
“The modern French woman is pos-
sessed of a mania for sewing, knitting
and embroidery,” says an observer.
“Are we waiting for breakfast? Mme.
la Marquise will produce a lace and
satin bag and out of it a strip of
primitive looking embroidery, at which
she works until the bell rings. After
funcheon the bag reappears, and I am
not sure that it does not come out in
the closed motor car. This fury for
industry has seized all classes of the
French people. At an afternoon con-
cert at Trouville one day 1 counted a
dozen women around me whose hands
were busy during the most thrilling ef-
forts of the orchestra.”
i UNPOPULAR GIRLS.
The egotistical girl, who never finds
any conversation interesting unless it
be of herself, and who is never shown
anything without telling you that she
has something similar, only ever so
anuch nicer and more costly.
The girl who has no kindly feeling
or sympathy, and looks down on all
who are less fortunate in any way than
herself.
The girl who is always trying to
make mischief between friends and
jovers, and pulling her own acquaint-
ances to pleces behind their backs, says
Woman's Life.
She who, having traveled a good deal
and seen a lot of the world, can do
nothing but depreciate her own coun-
try and people.
CREPE-AND-MEDALLIONS GOWN.
If you are the possessor of a worn
out Irish lace curtain, you have the
material for a summer gown. A girl
in Brooklyn seized a curtain that her
mother was about to give to the cook.
After giving the lace a bath in hot
soapsuds and drying it, she cut out
the medallions and placed them upon
a pale blue crepe gown. She arranged
the figures haphazard. The smaller
medallions were used on the waist, and
even the frazzled edges were sewed
on so skillfully that their former state
mwvas not apparent. “Crepe and lace
medallions” sounds too extremely ex-
pensive, and her friends are saying she
certainly does spend a lot on her
gowns. When she hears that, she
laughs in the crepe sleeve.—New York
Press.
i ——
{ WHAT TO TEACH YOUR SON.
Teach him to be true to his word and
nvork.
To respect religion for its own sake.
| mo face all difficulties with courage
and cheerfulness.
To form no friendships that can
bring him into degrading associations.
To respect other people's convictions.
To reverence womanhood.
To live a clean life in thought and
svord as well as in deed.
Teach him that true manliness al-
svays commands success.
That to command he must first learn
to obey.
That there can be no compromise be-
tween honesty and dishonesty.
That the virtues of punctuality and
politeness ore excellent things to cul-
tivate.
That a gentleman is just what the
svord implies—a man who is gentle in
his dealings with the opinions, feelings
and weaknesses of other people—The
Mother's Magazine.
PARIS COIFFURES.
It can’t be truthfully said that hats
are improving any in grace, and it
must be confessed that a large num-
ber are decidedly outre and even un-
couth—well calculated to make a wom-
an look her worst instead of her best,
as a truly good hat should, says a
avriter in the New York Herald. As a
rule, American women are too care-
Jess in the coiffing of their hair to look
avell under most of the Parisian con-
fections. Tag ends and ruffled locks
do not go well with the tilted hat that
rises with appalling abruptness from
the coiffure to tower far above it, leav-
ing the base exposed in the most un-
compromising fashion, this base com-
prising almost the entire head of the
hapless wearer. The habit of marcel
waving the hair is not only bad for the
hair itself as to growth and strength,
but it inevitably breaks off the hair,
causing more and more tag ends. In
Paris they use liquid preparations for
keeping the hair smooth, and also the
large meshed nets made of natural
Bair, these so carefully, arrapged that
‘long arm.—New York Mail,
they confine all the stray ends and yet
themselves ar» not visible under cas.
ual inspection, Without these ad-
junets or a net veil the lofty, tilted hats
should be wholly abjured, for there is
neither comfort nor style in them une
less properly worn and with the proper
accompaniments,
WOMEN'S APPETITES.
“Women eat too much,” said the
manager of one of the smartest hotels
in the city. “It's no wonder to me that
women are ill half the time. It's all
due to overeating, in my estimation.
You know I see so much of it here
that I sometimes wonder how they
have any digestions at all. One wom-
an, for instance, who entertains elab-
orately, dropped in to see my wife only
yesterday after arranging for a large
dinner party on Thursday night.
“Where do you think I've been?
she demanded the first thing. Of
course no one guessed. ‘To the doctor's
to have my stomach washed out. Ob,
ves, I know what you will say—too
many late suppers, lobster a la New-
burg and devilled crabs; but what
would I do if I didn't eat? Out of
town guests expect to do nothing else
when they come to New York, and it's
the most acceptable way to repay one's
indebtedness, so unless you go info a
sanitarium you must keep up with the
procession.’
“I happen to know,” went on the
man, “that this woman spends money
galore on Turkish baths, massage, not
to mention doctor's prescriptions, to
keep herself in good health, when all
she needs is to stop eating. The re-
sults would be better in every way
and immeasurably cheaper.” — New
York Sun.
ENA'S WEDDING ROBE.
Princess Ena of Battenberg will
have a gown for her marriage with
King Alfonso of Spain which will be
symbolic not only of her adopted coun-
try but of the religion she has em-
braced. The gorgeous fabric of the
embroidered brocade is now being
woven in Spain. After the ceremony
which changes the English Princess
into a Queen the wedding garment,
according to the usage of the Spanish
court, will be dedicated to the Blessed
Virgin. This rite iz one of peculiar
beauty and significance.
For the rest Princess Ena's trous-
seat1 will be of English manufacture.
Among them will be many morning
and afternoon gowns of the sheerest
muslin to meet the heat of the South-
ern summer. These will be elaborately
tucked, with insertions of lace, some
of which are heirloowns in the posses-
sion of Princess Henry of Battenberg,
who received them from her mother,
Queen Victoria.
There is in addition a most valuable
collection of rare laca for the yreignoirs
and petticoats of the royal bride. Sev-
eral so-called Ascot toilets for the trous-
seau are a mass of fine lace and the
filmiest of gauze. A number of cloth
and cashmere gowns are included in
the number.
The lingerie is of cobweb fineness
and is all handwork. the stitches be-
ing so small as to be barely percep-
tible even with a magnifying glass. The
most expert needlewomen have been
employed upon it.—Philadelphia Rec-
ord.
A NOTABLE WOMAN OF GOTHAM,
It is worth noting that Stuyvesant
Fish, to whom hundrads of thousands
of holders of life insurance policies are
turning as unto a new Moses who shall
jead them into a land of promise where
the deferred dividend does not flour-
ish like a green bay tree, has caught
the eye of the feminine contingent.
Among the Four Hundred feeling runs
high over the Fish-Harriman contro-
versy; and the women side numerously
with Mr. Fish. This is owing in so
small measure to the popularity of his
wife.
Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish has for years
represented the utilitarian side of New
York aristocratic life. She has write
ten books, like Mrs. Clarence Mackay,
but she has consistently protested
against the frivolousness of the danc-
ing faction, whose pride has been hu-
miliated recently by the discovery that
a noted cotillon leader had been col-
lecting backstairs gossip and yending it
at the expense of those who had ace
cepted his leadership.
Without taking a prudish view of the
obligations of society, spelled with a
capital S, Mrs. Fish has emphasized
the desirability of more practicalness
in the evolutions of the Four Hune
dred; and her home has been & rally
ing place for women of the same
views. Mr. Fish has encouraged her
propaganda.
Some enemies she has made by ker
mordant wit. She has a sharp tongue
and uses it mercilessly like a flail up-
on the weaknesses of her sisters; and
some of these volatile dames have,
from time to time, conspired against
her peace of mind. To the precious
crew who were behind the “Fads and
Fancies” enormity, she was an object
of special interest; but she could af-
ford to ignore them.
She has initiated a lively campaign
in behalf of her husband's interests,
and the support she is securing for
him is not an inconsiderable factor.
Her close personal friendship with
Lady Northcliffe has not been without
its effect, inasmuch as Lord North-
cliffe’s intervention in the matter of
the Mutual Life may possibly be traced
to a clever New York woman with a
THIS LITTLE BOY WAS RIGHT.
Said Peter Paul Augustus: “When I am
grown a man,
I'll help my dearest mother the very best
can.
I'll wait upon her kindly; she'll lean upon
my arm; '
I'll lead her very gently, and keep her safe
from harm.
“But, when I think upon it, the time will
be so long,”
Said Peter Paul Augustus, “before I'm tall
and strong,
I think it 1 | be wiser to be her pride
and joy
By helping her my very best while I'm a
little boy.”
~The Brown Memorial Monthly.
PIGEONS MATE FOR LIFE,
When a pair of pigeons become
mated they are practically “married.”
In a loft of fifty husbands and fifty
housewives each couple attends to its
own household affairs, does not worry
about its neighbors, but goes on build-
ing nests, laying eggs and raising
young. They are very devoted to
each other and divide all labor except-
ing laying eggs.
FLY FEATHER.
Some games suited to younger chil-
dren will be given to-day. Fly feather
is an English play which :iakes lots
of fun. Players put their chairs to-
gether to form a close circle. A small
downy feather with a very short stem
is procured and thrown as h'gh as pos-
sible in the air. It is then blown, the
object of each player being not to be
touched by it. The person it falls up-
on pays a forfeit, and the e are re-
deemed ct the end of the game.
It must not be blown too violently, or
it will fly so high that it will be diti-
cult to reach, and the one who blows
it outside the circle must also pay a
forfeit.
When children play it they usually
prefer to dance around in pursuit of it,
but they must not let go each other's
hands to catch it in iis descent. The
player who goes through three rounds
without being touched wins the game.
—Philadelphia Record.
YELLOW-BELLIED WOODPECKER
—He is jolly.
—He is ever boisterous.
—He has other little “ways wiz im.”
—He ruins maple and fruit trees.
—He thirsts for sap instead of for
fruits.
—He drills holes into the freshest.
most vigorous trees.
—He also s‘rips the bark from a tree
that he may peck at the soft wood
underneath.
—He excavates eighteen or twenty
inches in order to have a safe home for
his family.
—He ranges all the way from shiv-
ery Labrador to geuial Central Amer-
ica.
—In April he flies northward and in
October he again returns to Southern
haunts.
—Have you heard him drum against
the limbs and truuks of trees? One
authority says that is the way he
calls Lis mate.—Philadelphia Record.
THE CUNNING JROW.
Once a chained-up watch-dog lay in
front of his kennel lazily picking a
bone. A hungry crow looked on with
longing eyes, and hoped that by di-
verting the attention of the dog it
might succeed in securing the bone for
itself. So it came as clcse to the ani-
mal as it dared, and began to indulge
in all sorts of ridiculous antics; the
dog, however, took not the slightest
notice.
Then the crowy hurrie« off and
fetched a friend, who seated himself
on the bough of a tree just behind the
kennel, while the first crow again
danced pefore the dog. As the animal
continued to remain absolutely indif-
ferent, the crow friend flew into the
air, suddenly swoopin;: down, and
struck the dog's spine a tremendous
blow with its beak.
The dog started with surprise and
pain, and dropping the bone, made a
fierce but unsuccess 11 grab at his
assailant, Meanwlile, the first crow
snatched the bone as quick as light-
ning, and flew off with it; the two con-
spirators than shared the stolen prop-
erty between them.—Baptist Argus.
HOW A MALTESE WAS WHIPPED.
One Cay while standing at my win-
dow watching the shifting clouds and
drowsy swaying of the trees, my at-
tention was cal'ed to the peculiar ac-
tions of a large maltese cat in the
field beyond our lawn. It would crawl
along, stop, fumble something, th-~n
go on a little distance, keeping this
stopping and fumbling up for seme
time.
At last the lawn was reached, then
through the fence the something came,
followed by the cat. Then I saw what
it was. A poor little mouse that the
cat had been tormenting.
The eat was too well fed to kill and
eat its prey, but just indolent enough
to torment and worry its poor vie-
tim.
On and en they came across the
lawn. The eat would catch the poor
little thing ia its claw, mouth it, and
then let it go. Poor mousie, thinking
he was free, would try to make good
his escape, but the respite was only
for a few minutes, when he would be
grabbed aga.
Across the lawa and up the terrace
they came, just below the window
where I was standing. When the top
of the terrace was reached, the cat
gave his victim one more squeeze,
looking delighted at the poor exhausted
thing, as much as to say, “I could
kill and eat you if I wanted to.”
Xou know it was the last straw
For the
Younger
Children...
that broke the camel's back, so this
last squeeze and indignities were too
much. The mouse turned round, faced
the est eat on his hind legs like a
squirrel when it eats a nut, and when
the cat made another attempt to mo-
lest him the mouse slapped the cat
in the face with its little fist—I mean
paw--with a blow equal to IMitzsim-
mons’ own.
The cat was taken so completely by
surprise and so thoroughly disgusted
with himself that he turned and fled,
like the coward he was, and the mouse
disappeared in a hole close to the
cellar well,
I was as surprised as the cat, and
thoroughly enjoyed the discomfiture of
poor pussy. I think it was the most
amusing thing I ever saw, and if I had
not seen the whole thing I would
have been tempted to doubt the story
if it had been told me.—E. Gray, in
Philadelphia Ledger.
—
A HERO,
“Ol, how cold!” escaped my lips as
I stumbled through the door of a mis-
erable attic tenement.
The mother was out, but her twelve-
year-old boy was mounted guard over
the other children, as they played
about the poorly furnished room. I
shivered as the wind whistled through
the broken window panes, causing me
to pull my overcoat over my ears. The
boy was in his shirt sleeves, but I
refrained from asking questions as to
the whereabouts of his coat in case
its absence might have been the means
of providing a crust of bread for the
fatherless family.
“Are you not cold, my boy?" I asked,
“No.” said he, “not very.” Yet I
noticed how his pretty pearly teeth
chattered. I waited awhile and spoke
to him; then I took a look into the
cradle, where. sleeping quietly and
comfortably. the baby lay, covered
with the boy's coat. Talk about the
bravery of men who face cannoa; in
the heat of passion they will do any-
thing; but here was a hero, on a bit-
ter day. in his shirt sleeves because he
wanted to shield his little brother from
the biting effect of a cold February
wind.
Men say the age of heroism is past.
It is false! So long as the nation raises
boys like this one, she has within her-
self the germs of a boyhood that will
keep her forever in the very forefront
of the world’s history.—Watchman.
Property Controlled Wholly or in Part by
J. D. Rockefeller.
Mr. Rockefeller controls wholly or in
substantial part approximately 475
great industrial, commercial and finan-
cial corporations, exclusive of very re-
cent acquisitions. In such of these as
he does not own a majority of the
stock his word is nevertheless law,
since opposition to his desires means a
tight destructive to those who would
thwart his wishes. The 475 corpora-
tions have a capitalization of $5,239,
008,802, and are grouped as follows:
Railroads... «. +i.s sensces
Industrial companies ....
Banks and trust companies
Nafe deposit companies
Telegraph and telephone com-
panies... .... cv Ce i es 182,870,000
Insurance companies . ei 3,200,000
Mining companies.... ...... 195,000,000
Gas, electric light and power
COMPANIES. ov v0 seseroresen
Traction and transportation
110,763,700
COMPANIES. .ouaruers ov saves 166,750,000
Navigation companies ....... 41,447,800
Total. ic vse ine vv nies 39,098,802
Mr. Rockefeller is largely interested
in practically all of the leading banks,
trust companies, building and loan
companies and safe deposit and surety
companies of New York City, and is
also in eighteen outside financial insti-
tutions. He is in five big mining cor-
porations and in navigation companies,
representing more than $40,000,000 of
capital, of which one is the Pacific
Mail Steamship. Ile controls sixty
per cent. of the railroads of the coun-
try, and nearly 6,000,000 human be-
ings are dependent for the necessaries
of life upon the earnings of those in
the employ of the Rockefeller concerns.
—New York World.
Causes of Headache.
“Every headache is not due to ine
digestion,” said a doctor. ‘There are
not less than fifty kinds of headaches,
each due to a different cause.”
The more frequent headaches are:
“A dull headache across the fore.
head, due to dyspepsia.
“A pain in the back of the head,
due to the liver.
“A bursting pain in both temples,
due to malnutrition.
“An ache on the top of the head. as
though a weight pressed on the skill,
due to overwork.
“An ache between the brows, just
above the base of the nosé, due to eye
strain.”
Japanese Stoicism,
U. Iwatani, a Japanese soldier on his
way home from prison in Russia, com-
mitted suicide on receiving a letter
from his father saying that his con-
duct in being taken alive would spoil
the reputation of the Japanese army
and cast odium on the names of the
family and the villagers, and con-
cluding by ordering him not to return
home alive.
Nathan Wesley Hale, a Republican
Congressman from Tennessee, can
claim descendance from Oliver Crom-
well, and one of his ancestors, General
Nathan Towson, was a Quartermaster.
Genoaral under George Washington.
New York has just been paid by the
Natignal Government for equipment
ied in the War of 1812
DOLLS OF ALL NATIONS,
——
London Collector Describes the Play,
things of Savage Children,
The dolls of all nations and of all
times occupied the attention of the
Folk-Lore Society in London, the other
night, when a lecture was given by
Edward Lovett, who for years has col-
lected dolls of every sort and size
from all over the world.
“It is most probable that dolls have
existed in all times and in all coun-
tries,” declared Mr, Lovett, “They
have been found in the tombs of Greek,
Roman, and Egyptian children, and
some in my possession are at least 3000
years old.”
Photographs of the queerest dolls
imaginable were shown. From Cen-
tral Africa came a fetish doll, con-
sisting of a bundle of sticks with a
piece of cloth wrapped around, and
a small box in the middle supposed to
contain the spivit of a departed ware
rior, kept by adoring relatives.
The doll played with by the children
of Central Africa is a gourd, wrapped
in a rag, with seeds on the top to rep-
resent hair, The little ones of the
French Congo nurse weird, carved
wooden figures, with necks as long as
cranes, and hands possessed of a mul-
titude of fingers.
|
Some of the Indian dolls boast of a
strange anatomy, the legs starting
from just under the neck, while the
hands are placed straight on the body
without the formality of arms being
introduced.
“It is a strange fact,” said Mr. Lov-
ett, “that the ancient Egyptian doll
has jointed limbs exactly the same as
the Dutch doll of to-day. The oldest
Japanese dolls also are jointed, and so
are the Matabele specimens.
“The Christmas dolls of Germany,
Belgium, and Russia show St. Nicholas
or Santa Claus carrying in one hand
| presents for good children, and in the
other a birch for the bad ones. In
Belgium St. Nicholas is too important
a personage to go down the chimneys
to the stockings himself, so he sends
down his servant Ruprecht, who is al-
s0 a popular doll.
“Dolls used to be placed over shops
to indicate what kind of mercrhandise
was to be found within. For instance,
a large bone draped with rags pointed
out a rag and bone store. Some of my
dolls are of iron and stone—evidently
not being used ss playthings. Others
are of wood and clay, and one old Eng-
lish doll is of chalk, with flint eyes.
“Dolls from Labrador and Alaska,
and those of the North American In-
dians before civilization reached them,
| are quite characteristic while the faces
| of the different tribes are admirably
| shown. The same is the case with an-
| cient Roman dolls.
“All over the world dolls used to be
made by the inhabitants for the amuse-
ment of the children and dressed in the
costume of the particular district. Now
the shop doll is everywhere the golly-
! svog with the big eyes.
“In some parts of France the people
used to make dolls which caricatured
each other. and this proved a source of
considerable amusement to dwellers in
lonely parts.”
In the discussion which followed the
lecture, it was pointed out that the his-
tory of dolls has never yet been seri-
ously considered, and that “the folk
lore of dolls” had yet to be written.
Manufacture of Pulp,
The work of the Forest Service in
gathering statistics of forest products
for the past year his furnished the
basis for a provisional statement of
the wood consumed in the manufac-
ture of paper pulp. As the accompany-
ing table shows the returns from 159
firms, controlling 232 pulp mills, give
out 3,000,000 cords as the total amount
of wood used,
Wood. Cords.
Spruce (domestic]....coeensrarsnnes 1,564,000
Spruce (imported)........ . 614,000
Poplar (domestic) ..... 274,000
Poplar (imported) . 22,000
Hemlock... ... . 370,000
Pine ..o. veinivisn 57,000
Baleam.. .. svicdiian i «22,000
Miscellaneous..os eves ssenneans oe 93,000
Total .ovv sreeiv avsnee raavre5,016,000
The wood used was divided among
the various processes as follows: Sul
phite, 1,538,000 cords; soda, 410,000
cords; ground wood, 1,068,000 cords.
The total pulp production by all pro-
cesses by the firms reporting was
1,993,000 tons. According to the cen-
sus of 1900, the consumption of pulp
wood was then 1,986,310 cords, so that
there has been an increase of over
fifty per cent. in the last six years,
This demonstrates, in a striking man-
ner, the drai1 upon the forests caused
by the pulp industry.~From Prelim-
inary Agricultural Report.
Small Figures Tiresome.
Do you know that these small
amounts, such as millions and,billions,
are growing tiresome? I am going in
for astronomy, where numbers are
really worth while considering. There
is our nearest neighbor among the
fixed stars, dear old Alpha Centauri,
who is just 25,000,000,000,000 miles
away. She gets about her orbit at the
rate of 186,000 miles a second, and
when she throws out hcr flashlight it
takes vs four years and 128 days to
see it. If she should cry aloud we
should be 3,000,000 years in hearing
the sound of her voice. The Chicago
Limited, starting from Alpha Centauri
for New York, would arrive here in
about 75,000,000 years.—Victor Smith,
in the New York Press.
Italy’s Annual Coal Bill.
Anticipating an increase in the price
of British coal in the near future, the
harnessing of water power is engag-
ing the attention of Italy. There is
said to be 6,000,000-horse power avail-
able in that country. The British cone
sul at Naples says that the annual
coal bill of Italy is $40,000,000, most
| of which is paid to England.
In 1905 486 new national banks were
' organized.
REBATES.
Hiclety pickety, my black hen,
She lays eggs for railway men,
They, to make the hen repeat, |
Give her back the shells to eat.
Thus we see another who
(iets her little rebate too.
~Charles R. Barnes, in the New York
World
A GREAT HOG.
“That old guy is the greatest hog I
know of.”
“Why so?’
“He's trying to get a corner on
pig iron market.,”—Dallas Ne
——————
A HEAD-OFF COLLISYON.
Mike—“So Cassidy was k!Hed in &
railroad wreck—was it a head-on col-
lision?”
Pat—*“No, begobs—his head was off
when they found him, Oi belave."—
Life.
THE CZAR'S THOUGHTS.
“I wonder what the Czar thought
when he heard there was dynamite
under his apartments?” :
“I guess he thought he'd prefer the
ground floor of a cellarless house.”"—
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
H
MAIDENLY CONFIDENCES.
“What if you were to find a strange
man in your room?’
“Mercy! Of course I should sink
through the floor.”
“But what if the flat below were
occupied by a bachelor ?’—Puck. oe
iF
THE DIFFERENCE,
“Pa,” asked Tommy, “what's the dif-
ference between ‘assurance’ and ‘in.
surance?
“Well, my son, one is what the agent
has and the other is what he persists
in trying to sell you.”"—Catholic Stand-
ard and Times.
AND SHE KNEW,
“What do you think of that sculptor
who destroyed the statues of those lady
angels?”
“He was right,” said the much-mar-
ried woman. ‘Women are the only ans
gels. Who ever heard of a man bein
one ?’—Detroit Free Press. $8
NOTHING NEW,
Farmer Green—“Say. neighbor Jonts
raised such a big pumpkin that he cut
it in half and made two cradles out of
it for hisstwins.”
City Boarder—*“That’'snothing. Down
in the city we often have three cops
asleep on a single heat.”—Judge.
A BLOW.
“They call it ‘sweet sixteen,’ ” sighed
the girl, “and yet this is the bitteres
hour of my life!”
“What is it, dear?” said her friend
“It is the day for me to take my,
diploma,” she confessed. “and my grad:
uation dress doesn't fit!"—Detroit Fred
Press.
LOOKING FOR JOKES.
“What could that spruce, man-about:
town looking gentleman possibly want
with an almanac?’ asked the drug
store lounger. s
“Oh, he finds ‘em useful in his busis
ness,” responded the druggist. “He
writes comic operas.”’—Louisville Cou.
riec-Journal,
QUITE IMMATERIAL
Chemist (to poor woman)—*“You must
take this medicine three times a day,
after meals."
Patient—"But, sir, I seldom get meals
these ’ard times.”
Chemist (passing on to next ¢
tomer)—“Then take it before.” —G
gow (Scotland) Times.
USEFUL JOHN,
Passenger—‘What became of
Bulger family?” od
"Bus Driver—*“0Oh, Bill turned
fine. Got to be an actor. Tom
artist; Mary's a music teacher. Bu
John never amounted to much. It took
all he could earn to support the othe
ers.”’—NModern Society.
RATHER CAUSTIC.
Gunner—“That was a very unkind red 4
mark Cutter made about airship i
ventors.”
Guyer—“What was it?”
Gunner—“Why, he said if the ship:
were as flighty as their inventors they
would have been a success ili
Columbus Dispatch. oA
HIS JOKE,
“What's old man Groucher kicking
about?” asked the hardware dealer.
“Wanted ten pounds o' nails,” res
plied the clerk, “an’ wouldn't trust ue
to send ’em. Insisted on taking them
with him.”
“Huh! 1 hope he'll sweat for it.”
“I'll bet he will. I sneaked five or
six extra pounds of ‘em in the packs
age.”"—Cleveland Leader.
WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
Visitor—“Is your daughter a member
shakespeare Dramatic Club,
Mrs. B.—"Yes; she plays in all the
title roles. She's finished ‘Taming the
Wild Shrew,” and mow they are res
hearsing ‘Much About Doing Nothing.
That's one comfort, as my dear father
used to say of us, ‘the children are cer
tainly well educated.’ "—Pick-Me-Up, ;