BEST GAMBLING SYSTEM, |
The One That Will Surely Beat Fare
and Roulette,
“Every confirmed gambler in the
world has spent more or less time try:
ng to figure out some system to beat
the game,” said a well known northern
sporting man. ‘The commonest and
most plausible scheme 18 the one known
as ‘progression.’ It is simply a dou.
bling of bets until a winning occurs,
and theoretically it is perfect, but the
trouble 1's that all gambling games
have a limit, and the doubling process
inereases a wager with such enormous
rapidity that it is apt to get over the
stipulated amount before the winning
takes place,
“1 was at Monte Carlo last spring,”
continued the speaker, “and was sur-
prised at the number of touts who in-
tested the grounds peddling ‘sure
‘thing’ systems to break the bank. The
fudicrous part of it was that most of
the peddlers were seedy and poverty |
stricken in appearance, yet they pur
rted to sell secrets which would in.
1ibly enrich any purchaser. I asked
one fellow why he didn’t try his sys- |
tem himself and buy a new hat, and |
be replied very glibly that he was |
sworking for a syndicate’ and under |
bonds not to play.
“Nearly all of these systems are
based on progression and would be im-
possible In high play owing to the ca-
sino limit. Nevertheless 1 saw a num-
be of small progression players at the
tables and was told that they have |
been a fixture there for many years. |
They were nearly all horrible looking, |
bloodless old women, who began with |
the smallest possible wager and quit |
when they won 20 francs, or less than |
$4. A house official informed me that |
they were tolerated about the place op |
account of age and infirmity and that
their daily winnings were regarded in
the light of a pension.
“In the days of open gambling in |
New Orleans 1 remember there used
to be several broken down sports who
were said to make a living off the
games by ‘progression playing.’ I have
my doubts about it, however. . The
best system and the only system that
will beat faro and roulette is to stay
away.” — New Orleans Times-Demo
erat.
' Read This Before You Write,
Never write poetry until you are at
feast 30. unless you fall in love when
it will come to you like the measles.
You would better begin with stories—
that Is, if you have a leading idea and
can invent situations. Do not attempt
the novel nntil you have passed your
fortieth year. A novel requires a
knowledge of mea and manners, a
study of human character, and powers
to create dialogue and invent surprises.
1 know that there have been instances
when very young men have written
clever poems and novels, but these
were freaks of genius which do not
often occur. Avoid attempts at hu-
mor. That mine has already been |
worked for more than it is worth, and |
the best of It seems to be labored.
What the funny men do produce is not
equal to the unintentional humor
which is to be found in congressional
speeches on the tariff, and in the old
fashioned epitaphs in the country
ehurchyards.—Thomas Dunn’ English
In Success.
Uses of Olive Oil.
Olive oil should be found in every
nursery and on every medicine shelf. |
In time of croup it can be given fre
quently and will not disturb the diges-
tion, as do many medicines. It is often
given in place of cod liver ofl and is as |
effective in building up the system and |
far less disagreeable.
mended by many specialists both as a |
food and a tonic. A certain young
chemist never has a cold or requires
any medicine except a spoonful of |
olive oil every night and morning,
which he takes regularly. He seldom
. wears an evercoat.—New York ‘Crib
It is recom- |
THERE WASN'T ANY ROW
"Jt Was Simply a Case of Spontane- |
ous Combustion, |
He was a very young man, almost |
too. young to be out on the street at |
that time of the night, 8:30 p. m., and |
his general appearance indicated that
be had been picked up by a eyclone |
somewhere during his meanderings. |
He was not utterly demoralized, but |
there was something in his manner
that would lead the close observer t¢
the conclusion that all had not beeg |
well with him.
“Gee!” he exclaimed as he spue |
around the corner and went bump inte |
8 policeman. |
“Hello,” ejaculated that worthy, in. |
stinctively grabbing at him; “what's |
the row?” |
“There wasn’t any,” responded the |
Fouth.
“What are you running like that |
for?’ persisted the policeman. |
“I’ve just been up against a case of |
spontaneous combustion.” |
“You look too green to burn.” chuec-
kled the bluecoat.
“It’s on me, just the same. My girl
fives around the corner, and I went to
pee her. I thought it was all”— |
“Where does the combustion come |
in?" interrupted the officer.
“Come out, you mean,” corrected the |
youth.
“Come off!”
exclaimed the officer, |
MTell me what the row 1s before i.
ehase you.”
“Well, that’s what I’m trying to do,”
pleaded the boy. “The girl's old man
and I don’t harmonize a little bit, and
swhen he met me at the door he fired |
me so suddenly that I had vertigo. If
you don’t call that spontaneous com-
bustion, what the dickens do you call
it?
“Oh, excuse me,” apologized the po- |
liceman, “you run along home and get |
into your trundle bed!” and the biue-
eoat gently wafted the remnant on ite
av —.Nutrals Free Presa
3
| law.
He Got » Passe,
“Halt” rried ap alert patrolman in
Manila ns a beautifully caparisoned
earringe drove up containing a portly
gentleman, The driver reined his
steeds, and the sentry, standing firmly
in the center of the street, shouted,
“Who is there?”
Not knowing what else to say, the
occupant of the carriage answered,
“Judge Taft, president of the civi}
commission.”
“Advance, Judge Taft, to be recog
nized,” bawled the sentry. The judge
advanced, 'and the following dialogue
took place;
Sentry—Have you a pass?
"faft—No, sir; do I require one?
Sentry—You do, sir, and it's my duty
| to run you in.
Taft—-But I am the civil governor of
the Philippine Islands.
Sentry—That doesn’t cut any figure.
You're a civilian and out after hours.
I'll let you go by this time, but the next
time 1 catch you you'll have to see the
captain.”
“Thank you,” murmured Judge Taft
as he drove away. And there and thes
he formed a resolution to put in an
application for a pass. According to
the Manila Freedom, he got it.
A Couple of Bulls,
An advertisement recently published
In a newspaper in Ireland set forth
| that “Michael Ryan begs to inform the
| public that he has a large stock of
cars, wagonettes, brakes, hearses and
| other pleasure vehicles for sale or
hire.”
This is the same paper which, in 8
glowing description of a funeral, an-
nounced that “Mrs. B. of G— sent 8
magnificent wreath of artificial flowers
in the form of a cross.”
His Pointed Remark.
“I frequently hear you say that mon-
ey talks,” she remarked.
“Yes; it is an old saying and a true
ane,” he replied; “but, unfortunately,
while money talks, all that talks is not
money.”
“Why do you say ‘unfortunately? ™
she asked.
“Because If that were so,” he an
swered, “I would be married to a fab
wkane fart-ina” Tandon Fnn
IKISH TURNS AND TWISTS.
The Unconscious Humor That Crops
Out In the Green Isle,
The author of “Irish Life and Char
acter” says truly that one has only
to mix with an Irish crowd to hear
many a laughable expression, quite in-
nocently uttered. As the Duke and
Duchess of York were leaving Dublin
In 1897, amid enthusiastic cheering, an
old woman remarked:
“Ah! Isn't it the fine reception
they're gettin, goin away?”
In 1892 Dublin university celebrated
Its tercentenary, and crowds of vis-
itors were attracted to the city. Two
laborers, rejoiced at the general pros
perity, expressed their feelings.
“Well, Tim,” said one, “thim tan
| eintinaries does a dale for the thrade
of Dublin, and no mistake.”
“OL. faix they do!” said the other.
“And whin, with the blessin of God,
we get home rule, sure we can have as
manny of thim as we plase.”
An old woman, seeing a man pulling
a young calf roughly along the road,
exclaimed:
“Oh, you bla’guard! That's do way
to thrate a fellow crather.”
“Sure,” said a laborer to a youn3
lady who was urging him to send his
children te school, “I 7 do anything for |
such a sweet, gintlemanly lady as
yourself.”
Again, the laborers on a large ‘estate
| decided that it would be more con:
| venient for them if they could be paid
every week instead of every fortnight
One of their number was sent to place
their proposition before the land agent.
and this was his statement:
“If you please, sir, it's me desire
| and it is also ivery other man’s desire,
thue we resave out fortnight’s pay
fvery week.”
An exasperated sergeant, drilling a |
squad of recruits, called to them at
last:
“Halt!”
ye, and look at yourselves. It's a fine
Buna wo're Foarin ian’ t77
The Average Lawsuit,
There is nothing more ridiculous than
the average lawsuit. Two men dispute
over a few dollars and go to law. Both
are sure to lose. Their neighbors are
dragged in as witnesses, and the costs
amount to 10 or 20 times the amount in
dispute. Frequently these lawsuits
ruin families and start quarrels that
last for years. Some men claim it is
“principle” that actuates them in these |
It is bullheadedness, pure
It is nearly always easy
lawsuits.
and simple.
| to “split the difference.”
Another bad feature about these law-
| suits is that the county is put to con-
| gpiderable expense, and men willing to
work are compelled to sit on the jury. |
Settle your disputes without going to |
If the man with whom you are |
disputing is not willing to “split the
difference,” he will probably accept a
proposition to leave it to three neigh
hars.~-4 tehicor Globe.
Custom Infinuenees Language,
Pomologists, like botanists, find it
{mpossible to enforce the rules of prior-
Ity in names of fruits and flowers, Im
fruits the names of Bartlett for a peas
and Telegraph for a grape have not
been changed in spite of the efforts of
leading pomologists and pomological
societies to support prior names. Those
who lead in these good efforts forget
that the only law for language is the
law of custom. In a famous grammar
we are told “the English language re
quires the pronoun ‘it’ for all inani-
mate objects,” but custom has so firmly
made the sun a he and the moon a she
that we have accept it.
prior name reformers must bestir
ther selves before custom gets posses
siov of Be field.-~Meehan’s Monthly.
SAVE M
By going to THE BAZAAR and learning ther prices before you buy elsewhere.
THE PATTON COURIER, OCTOBER 6, 190s
You will be surprised at the difference.
a
BARGAINS.
a
NEY
CE WAAETARS
Hemp Carpet, worth 2oc, at 12%c.
Ingrain carpets, worth 45¢c, at 29c.
Part wool Ingrain, worth 6oc, at 48c.
Matting, worth 15¢c, at 1134.
Fancy Carpet Pattern Mattings, all colors, red,
blue or green, worth 4oc, our special price is
All wool Ingrain, worth 85¢, at 7oc.
24c¢ yard.
Brussels, worth 75¢, at 58c.
Better grade worth 95, at Soc.
Thus it will |
ever be. To secure the adoption of a |
Velvet Brussels, worth $1.10, at 87.
Wilton Velvet, worth $1.40, at $1.15.
All Carpets and Matting Matched
without Extra cost.
double bolt.
call.
2
[&9
Wall paper is now in demand. We have it at cut prices—f{rom 8c to goc per
Give us
Men’s Summer Pants,
were $1.00, now
24c.
Boys’
$2.25, at
be: “WHY Pi
Suits,
$1.25.
Our stock of shoes is large and complete.
in price, style and quality.
Our Motto holds good in every line.
AY MCR
x mama
Men's Dress
Shirts
20c.
worth
Boys’ and Men's
Suits reduced
to close them
out.
Come and see our shoes when you need another pair.
=
Horns
ne
»
7
Our fall lines are coming in and we are offering special values in the following:
Hosiery, Knee Pants, Working Coats, Blankets, Trunks, Graniteware, Tinware, Lamps, Dishes and Cutlery.
UNDERBUY AND UNDERSELL. Your Motto should
THE BAZAAR,
Patton, Penn a.
G. 0. Brady, Prop'r.
Big Drive in
GUNS
This Season.
Waists and
Ladies’
Skirts at cut prices.
ols
We please others and if you look at our shoes we can please you
Ladies’ Furs, Underwear,
THE SCHEME WORKED.
Just come over here, all of |
JACK TAR’S GROWL. |
Parneil, Cowher & Co
FirsiNation'| Bank
A Story [llustrating the Sailor's | —Agents for—
| 4 schemie bY Which Brows Quieres Habit of Grumbling. | The 1 IPT ANT 1 ing OF PATTON.
{ Miu Wiiely Suspicion. The author of “From Edinburgh to TIRE, LFW AND Ik: URAN Patton, Cambria Co., Pa.
To be perfectly honest. Brown doe’ | yy. Antarctic,” writing of the sailor's ACCIDENT J I u iL
| not go to his Griswold street office |
every night that he tells his wife he
habit of grumbling, says: “The dinners
are all the same—that is to say, Mon: |
REAL ESTATE AGENTS.
CAPITAL PAID UP, $100,000.00.
SURPLUS, $25,000.00.
Is going there. The business which he : : scod Brildihz. Pr ont] oN
oki 92 ressing is. frequently imagi- day’s dinners are all alike, and what | Good Building. Patton, Pa.—Phone No. 9. Accounts of Corporations, Firms, Individu-
y Des g Ye os y Im 2 | we have today we shall have this day als and Banks rocelved upon ibe most Hvosas
nary an (} who is n . . ble terms consistent with safe and conservative
y man m he 1S OIE | giv months hence. Jack's forefather | banking. ;
to meet does not exist. He belongs
to a club, and clubs have their attrac.
tions. He thought that his wife was
growing suspicious, and Brown is re-
sourceful.
On the evening in question, as the
lawyers would say, he told her that
there was a matter of business that
could not possibly be deferred until the
next day. About 9 o'clock she answer.
ed the ‘phone and was asked if Brown
was at home, and she replied that he
| was at his office.
“Guess not,” was the alarming re-
sponse. “I was just down there and
all looked dark ”
She rang off viciously, if women ever
do such things, ordered a coupe, told
the driver to go as fast as the ordi-
| nance allows, kept taking on temper as
| she went and flew up stairs to the
office as though a mouse were in hot
pursuit. Her husband met her smil.
| ingly, insisted that she had given him
a delightful surprise, put his easiest
chair near the light, handed her a pa-
per and apologized for haviug to re-
sume work that would possibly keep
him till 3. She «ould not explain, she
could not keep a wake, she was asham-
ed of herself, and after lamely telling
him that she had dreamed that he was
ill she left.
In ten minutes he was at the club
| and shook hands with a man who smil-
Ingly asked if the scheme worked.
He replied that it was as good as ready
money for at least 60 days, and then
{ each bought a stack of chips that pass
| in the night.—Detroit Free Press.
this day 100 years ago had the same
menu and made the same uncompli- |
, mentary remarks about the dishes, and
100 years hence on this day Jack’s chil-
dren will growl over their salt horse |
and plumless duff.” The author alse |
tells this “yarn” to illustrate that
Jack’s habit of grumbling can’t be -
cured and must be endure:
Once upon a time there lived a skip. |
per whose wife said to him that if she
went to sea the poor men would never
find fault with their food. Her hus-
band took her with him on a voyage, |
and the good woman attended to the
cooking in the galley herself. '
The scouse was thick with fresh veg- |
etables, the bread was white and with-
eut weevils, the meat was good, and |
the duff was almost half plums, but |
still the men growled.
Then the skipper's wife thought of |
the hens she had brought on board to !
lay eggs for her husband's breakfast.
She took them out of the coop, wrung |
their necks with her own fair hands,
plucked them. roasted them and sent |
them to the forecastle on the cabin |
china.
“Now the men,” she said to herself, |
“will know how much we think of their |
eomfort.” {
At eight bells she stole forward to
the forecastle to listen to the praise of
her skill as a cook. She looked down
the hatch and saw a big black fist]
plunge a fork into the hen and heard a |
hoarse voice growl, “I say, Bill, what
@’ye think this ’ere bloody fowl died
may
T.R. MORRISON,
Dentist,
PATTON, PA.
Office in Brady Building.
missea,
“It's always dangerous to jump at
conclusions,” said the careful man.
“You’re liable to make yourself ridicu-
‘ous, to say the least.”
“That’s right,” replied the Jersey
commuter. “I jumped at the conclu-
slon of a ferryboat once and missed
it.”—Catholic Standard and Times.
Strong cheese is recommended in
moderation; it is suitable to those who
suffer from “nerves,” for it acts as a
sedative, but if eaten to excess its ef-
fects are not good.
Scene Painting,
A good scene painter may get any-
where from $400 to $1,000 for a scene.
The average price paid to the best half
dozen scene painters for a scene fis
$500. But there are a great many more
scenes painted for $100 than $500.
As soon as a married man gets a
comfortable home built he begins to
worry his wife by talking about sell-
ing it.—Indianapolis Journal.
There is nobody quite so busy as the
editor who tries to publish a ten page
newspaper in a four page town.—
‘Washington Post.
Steamship tickets for sale for all the Jeading
lines, Foreign Drafts payable in the principal
cities of the Old World.
All correspondence will have our prompt and
personal attention.
Interest paid on time deposits.
Wu. H. SANDFORD, T. J. SCHOLL,
President. Qashier.
No embalmed business in
tours. We deal strictly in
| meat killed at our slaughter
house. Everything in season.
- Little Bros.,
Fresh and Smoked Meats.
PATTON, PA.
JOHN A. GUNN, Patton, Pa.
Who does yonr printing? If the
other fellow does it, it may be right.
If the COURIER does it, you know it is
right,
Home Killed Meat
Butchers and Dealers in All Kinds of *
com
Compose
Citizen
ditions
gestion
Acro
Odd Fel
more st
trance,
the bor
citizens
Prindib
Boroug!
as secre
The c
the mes
proposi
tive to |
the Cou
He ct
Denling
sentime
and in
thought
compan
Fran}
what w
ganizat
the com
bers, tw
hose.
saying
“reorga
bandme
the use
a neclu
better ¢
Sidne
that the
due cre
this he
who als
term *
Scheid t
ing hose
E. Will
should |
vide a k
W.H
that the
pany in
accepte
and bor
erecting
necessa,
Chair
linger t
the fina
council
was in 1
of $10,0(
were bu
fire con
Mr. S
ing hal
$5,000, ©
that an
combine
by the f
pany.
serted t
be cons
ing was
a waitin
dations
E. C.
more hc
taken ir
Singletc
quent d
mended
highly.
council
once an
three f
member
three ot
take up
Chair
followin
Frank
Council
Maurice
ford, J.
In the
Carrollt
698 acre
and Arn
about" §
Lieb sol
Connell
it until |
Jefferso
for $37,¢
years si
the farn
The last
ester &
Indiana
A mat
Short ar
of $40
next Fr
The maf
ool, on
ner take