ltatoa oi Advertising
Adm'n andDtieolor'a NoIIum, bath
0 times iiiiiiiiMiituntiti,,....
Auditor's NollM, eaoli...
Xrnnslant AdyrtlnlnR, per mi'i-io of
10 lines or loss, 8 times or Ions,,.,,,
For each subseqiisnt Insertion ,,
Professional cdars, 1 your... ......j
Special notloes per line,
Obituary and Marriage Notloes, each
l early Advertising, one squimi
Nearly Advertising, two squat-on ,
Yeai'y AdTor'Ing threo nquares..,!.,
Yearly Advertising, column,.,,,.,..
Yearly Advertisog, eolumn ."'
Yearly AdAetising, 1 column
Advertisements displayed more tima
ordinarily will be chnrgod for at
the iat fper oolamn) of ...i..,.
6 00
J5
1 (jo
lo 0
15 00
20 CO
L'5 00
8i 00
70 03
Cs5-VU 'subscriptions lo be paid in ad
TRticc. Orders for Job Work respectfully
fiolici.'eJ.
Bu01!lce on JTnin Ftrect, iu the second
Btory of llouk & Oillis Store.
Address
JOITNG. IT ALL,
rniTon & rnoi'RiETou.
JOHN G. HALL, Editor.
- . ' J. F. MOORE, Publisher.
JPEJIWJ, FEB. 1th, IS6T.'
TEMt?ISl SO Ver Year in ldtahcc:
rio a if t i"
ft') 00
j i)C ill,' County ftflwqio.
A llt'AL AM) CINKRAL NEWSPAPEB,
Is Published Every Thursday
BY JOHN F. MOORh
l'or Year in advance SI 60
JIEMCAN ARTISTS' UNION.
The AMERICAN ARTISTS' UN
ION established 1854 announce that
iu order to pxtftid the sale of t he follow
in;; and known n ml highly popular
STELL 1LA 'IE LXC-h'A V1XG S
Departure of the Pilgrim Fathers for
America, 27 x 3$ n
Landing- of the Pilgrim Futh.
( cvs, 27 x SO
Falstaff Mustering his Re
cruit?, " 25 x 30
Shalcrr and his Friends, 27 z 31
Cotter's Saturday Night, 23 x 28
Village Blacksmith, . 27 x ol
Manifest Pcstiuv, (Fortune
Telling.) " 21 x 28
T'.c Massacre at Wyoming
in 177', 28 x SG
Mount Vernon in the olden
time, or, Washington at
80 years of ago, 20x31
The escape of Alnster Mnc-
Penald from the .Massacre
of Gloticue, 20 x 34
The Muuotina, 20 x 31
They have deemed expedient to offer
to their friends and the public at one
dollar and fifty cents eaeh, the price
heretofore having been two doliats each,
nud lor the purpose of stimulating the
getting up of Clu'.f, ihcy have deter
luiucd to awaid pttuiiunis to the getters
up ot the Clubs, and iu addition thereto
to tii.vtrilule amoi.ist the subscribers
the sum of 50,000 iu jit.ney and paint
ingp. s soon as? the sale shall have rcach
td 10U,iU0 engravings. As it is our
iutentiou to advcrtl-o very ixfcni voly,
and as the engiaviugs are vell known
throughout the whole country, we have
no doubt tiiat with the low price we
charge for them, and with the exertion
which vre put forth by our nun.erous
friends, the number will be reached in
thoi't time. As soon as it is reached,
the subscribers, through their Club
Agents, will be notified by a circular
letter from us, naming the time and
method of distribution.
CL,UB HATES.
Single Engravings 81,50 each, by mail
free.
For SI") we will fend 23 Eng. and 2 to
the Club Agent.
20 " " 13 " " 4
5 " " 20 " " 5 " "
2o
85
f,0
" " 50 " a Silver Watch.
SO
a eiive
r l.e
" 100 ' "110 n Hunting Lever.
The Club packages will be very se
curely packed and loi warded by Express
Any per.-ou may get up Clubs and
forward the amount either by Express,
Sight I-'!, ill, JW Office Order or iu a
registered letter, and in all cases the
Engravings wiil be immediately sent,
and lyr each ci.-graviiie: a nmnbtral rir
iiji -ntr jceeipt will be enclosed iu
a parkpLC.
C. O. 1). ORDERS. Persons wish
ir.g to send fur Kr-g ravings and pay the
J-'spre.-s Co. whi 11 they are received,
will Le re.U:;ed to send with their order
2 to ?.), according to its amount, and
this will l.e credited on their bill.
IJsl of Premiums
To be distributed.
One of 510,000 in money, S10.C00
' 5, 00 " 5,000
live of 1iiiO " 5,000
'J en of 5O0 " 5,OOC
liftyof 100 " 5,000
Unc hundred elegant Oil Faint,
ings, richly f.iamed, Lands
capes, at 100 each, 10,000
iwo hundred elegant Oil X'aint.
)ng', rahlv Irauicd, Interior
Views, at 50 eaeh, 10,000
550,000
The AMERICAN ATISTS' UN.
ION would add that these premiums
arc to Us considered only m the light
of a free gilt to their patrons, as the
f : .... , 1 ., , .
-liiugi livings ure lurni.-neu tliem ocww
their market value, and as the cost of
engravings, alter the plates are procur
cd, is very trifling, they can easily afford
to make tie uistriuutiiiii as largo as it is
e trust that cur numerous friends
throughout the tountry and Canada
will uso their utmost c.wrtious, so that
if possible, the distribution may be
liiudo soon, and it can bo done if they
are at all active. Ladies havo ofteu
uiarto excellent Club Agents, for us.
iiml wc solicit their kind efforts, which
will not go unrewarded Let one or
more energetic persons in every town or
village iu the country commence as soon
as they pee this, uid get up as largo a
Club as rois'hle. liy so doing they
will !.c the means of introducing cle.
gant engravings into lamilies, and thus
a;d iu cultivating a taste for the beauti
ful and refined. Address Orders
See. AMK11ICAN ARTISTS' UNION,
Nov. H, 1 80U-8m. L'5 Fine St. N. Y .
KEJISEY HOTEL.
A. 11. llKIOl.En.l'uoi KlETOB.
ZUis Louse is conveniently auil plcusaiit
ly Unated iu tlio tliriving village of Cenlrc
ville. tveiy utleulioa paid to the oonveu
ioaco of gut. 1 81 1867tf
A
-rOHN 0. HALL, Attorney at law, Kidg
J wnv, Klk county Pa. mar.22"C0 ly.
JOB WORK of nil kinds and des.
criptions done at this office.
c
AUVEH HOUSE, Warren, Ta., Hull &
Hull, Proprietors. Riig!)'G6-Jy
A
LP1XB HOUSE, St. Mary's Tn., Her-
man Ivrctz, Proprietor. rug't Ob
"IJIIE nvt of.nO DANCIXO nd 11ANOJ
g I'LAYING tnuglit by O. W. BKOWN,
I7XEl'UT10.v'. SUMMONS. SCUPtE.
it nns. Warrants, on hnad and for
talc at this office.
DR. W. JAMES BLAKELY Tliysician
and Surgeon, St. Mary's, Elk v"olln,y
Pa. nmr-Ei'dJ-lj".
DU. AV. W'. SHAW Prneticcs Medic'mu
and Surgery, Ccntrcville. Elk county
Ph. rmar-'OOly.
Tli. A. S. HILL Kersey. Elk county Pa.
I Will proniplly answer nllprofessional
calls by night or day. mnr-2-'0G-ly.
R. EI! EN J. ltUSS. Physician and Sur
J peon. St. Mary's Elk county Pa.
Junc-.l ob-ly.
KOf ined. Oil, Good Quality, by tho
, barrel, at GO cents per gallon, by
uct ll !f J. POWELL.
II VOl l "vailt n load of Salt. Flour,
oi' Feed, j nn cau savo money by buying
of oct. 11 tf. J. TOWELL.
AUI'.IE .T. BLAKELY. Attorney and
i Counsellor at law, and U. S. Commis-
ostiir. P.idgwny P. O. Elk county. Pa.
mar-22'GG-ly.
SOUTHER AND WILLI S Attorneys a
Law, Ri lgway, Elk county Pa., wil
aiiend to all professional business prompt
ly. mar-22'GG-ly.
Dlt. W'. !. HART MAN, St. Mary's, Elk
county, Pa. Late of tho Army of the
Potomac. Particular attention given to all
cases of surgical nature. inar-22'GG-ly.
t VOU want Jano'e or Dr.
Aver s celebrated Medicines, pure, call
upon the onlv authorized agent in Ridg
way. oct. 11-tf J. POWELL.
Gi'ooerios ol" all Kinds
cheaper than can bo bought at Erie,
at vholoulo or rotnil, by
oct. 11-tf. J. POWELL.
H
YDE HOUSE.
Ridgwa v, Tenna.
Mrs E. O. Clemesxs, Proprietress.
Nov l.Iim
Oil PRINTING, such as Cards, Posters,
tf iinml Uills. liiii iteaas so., uone at
the ADVOCATE OFFICE on short notice
aud at reasonable prices.
CH. VOLK, Manufacturer and Dealo
in Lngtr Beer, opposite the P.ailroad
Depot, St. Mary's, Elk county Pa.
Mar-22'GG-ly.
) ill! DWELL AND MESSENGER Drug
)) cisls. Dealers in Drills and Chemicals-
Paints, t lils and Varnish . Perfumery Toil.
et articles and Stationary, Ridgway, Elk
county Pa. mar-22'GG-ly,
KENRY II. THOMAS, Dealer in all
kinds of Furniture, Spring Rods and
Miim-csse", ricturo Frames and Collins,
Rtilgway Pa. Ware Rooms on the corner
of Main and Depot St's. may-17'G6-ly.
DR. J. P. BOR DWELL ElecticTphysT
cian. Late of Warren county Pa., will
promptly answer all professional calls by
night or day. Residence one door east of
(lie late residence of Hon. J. L. Gillis.
Mar-22'GG-ly.
WASHINGTON HOUSE, St. Mary's,
Elk enmity Pa., Edward Babel Pro.
prietor. This house is ne and fitted up
with especial care for the convenience of
guests. Good stabling attached.
Mar-2!i'i;Gly.
OLIVER & BACON, Manufacturers and
Wholesale ,j- Retail Dealers in
IMouv, Fcod and drain,
CAXAIj MILLS. FJllE. l'A.
Orders solicited and promptly filled at mar-
ket rates.
aug '.nii-oo-jy
JOHN O. UAL) J AS. K. V. 1IAI
TTALL & IillO.
Attorneys - at - Law,
ST. MARY'S:
BENZINGER P. O. El K COUNTY, PA
September 20, 1800. ly.
OT. MARY'S HOTEL, B. E. W'cllcndorf,
I Proprietor, St. Mary s. Elk county P11.
This house is new and fitted up with cspo.
cial care for the convenience and comfort of
guests, nl moderate rates. Free Hack, to
ami from the Depot. Uood stabling at
Inched. Luiar- ou-ty.
"TVlACTirAL CLOCK AND WATCH
I MAKER. ST. MARY'S, Elk county
1'a. Edward McRHdc. keeps constamly ou
hand and for sale, Watches, Clocks, Silver
1 tilled pre and Jcwelrv of all descriptions
B&,. Repairing neatly executed, and done
on snoii noiicuand reasouablo torms'
Mar 2'J';(j.l;y.
SOMETHINa NEW!
E0TSE, 8IGN &, OBNAMENTAL PAINTING.
1 1 M1E SUUSCRU1EU )V ) U L D HE-
spectfully inform the ciiiieim of Elk
county lliat he has just started iu the
aliova business in Itnlgway, and U-cl conn
dent tluit he can please all who may favor
him with their custom. OlvAlNlNG,
PAPER HANGING AND CALCIMINING
DONE ON SHORT NOTICE AND IN THE
i-.ost fashionable and improved manner and
stvlo. Orders left at this OHice or at the
Bunking House of Souther, Willis & Souther
will be promptly attencleu to.
W. P. WILLUMS,
Ma7-17'86-lv
rpHAYER HOUSE,
JL RIDGWAV, PA.
DAVID TltAYER, Proprietor.
The undersigned having fitted up a large
and commodious hotel on the southwest
corner of Centre and Mill strents, with good
and convenient stabling attached, respect
fully solicits the patronage of his old friends
and the public generally.
declS'GO ly DAVID THAYER.
TIlic subscriber begs leave to announce to
the citizens of Elk and adjoining conn,
tics that he has purchased the harness shop
lately occupied by John Sinulz, and that, he
is prepared to do all kinds of work in a suit
able st vie,
8 A D OLE 8,13 UiD L ES, II A RXESS
kept constantly on hand at prices to suit
the times. Give me a call shop in tho sec
ond storv of Houk's building.
ocll-ly. C. LEVIS.
LICENSED AUCTIONEER.
TQ'iJCE is hereby given that I have tak
en out license as auctioneer, anil
will attend prom;"'y l lu caiung ox an
sales entrusted' my 0are-
Any person calliiiST sales " a license
wil be held ans-ablo Jo the b.'rict lctlerof
the law. P. W LAHR-iA.
I)ec24186Gtf. Auo:oneer.
WIIEELEK & WILSON'S SEW".
INCr MACHINES. The under
signed having been appointed Sole Agent
for the sale of Wheeler & Wilson's Sewing
Machines for Elk county. He keeps an
assortment constantly on hand. Machines
sold at Philadelphiaand New Yor prices.
Any parties desirous of obtaining them can
address J. K. WHIT MORE.
March Ot.'GG-ly. at Ridrway, Pa.
BLAOKSMITHING !
II. S. RF.T.VAP doeiroa tr, !nfm,n ,1, a .,11.
zens of Ridirwov and vicinitv fliat hn hna
leased J. S. Hyde's Blacksmith Slion on
Mill street, and ims omnlnrpd crmifl wrrlr
, - ,
men WllO Will bG PVPr rnnilw in mnVa atr.
thing from a buckle to an anchor.
rariicuiar attention given to the shoeing
of horses. All I ask is a fair trial.
May 17'GG-ly.
HF. OVERIIOLTZER.
. MERCHANT TAILOR,
llidgway, Elk Co., Pa.
The subscriber desires resueclfullv in in
form the ciliztns of Ridgway and vicinity
that he is prepa.ed to make to order as well
as it can be done anywhere, anvthingin the
line ot his business. Ail nu itsus is n.
trial. Good Fits guaianteed.
EaCloths, Cassimers, Vcstiues and
Trimmings of the latest and most approved
styles kept constantly on hanil, wlneli will
be sold CHEAPER 'THAN THE CHEAP
EST. augSO.y
SHEllEli. .
Dealer in
JIL'SIO HO QMS:
A'o. 45, Fcrst Avenue, Curry, Pa-na.
Refers fo J. Powell, B. F. Ely, Ridgway.
Ignatius Garner, Chas. Ilaigen,- St. Mary's.
nov 22, bu, oiiipd.
A. II. Gray,
A. I. Wilcox,
R. II. Emehson,
E. F. A hams.
pit AY, WILCOX & Co.
WHOLESALE GROCERS,
ST. MARY'S,
Opposite Alpine House. Elk County Pa.
DEALERS IX
Flour, Feed, Uutter, Cheese,
Feed, Corn, Salt,
Fish, Fork, Ham, Powder,
Canned Fruits, Beef,
Beans, Kails, (jlassj
AND STAPLE GROCERIES.
December 20, 1800 ly.
?iT'35eil;iK0lS.
riHE SILVER SKIRT.
X MORE DURABLE,
MORE ELASTIC,
MORE GRACEFUL!
And will keep its shape and retain itsplaCc
better than any otler Skirt.
This new and beatiful style of Skirt (Pat
ented March 7, 1BG5,) was awardtd by the
Great American Institute Fair, held iu New
York, October, 18G5, a
SILVER MEDAL,
being the Highest Premium ever given for
a Hoop Skirt.
The Steel Springs are wound with fine
plated wiro in place of a cotton covering
which will not wear oft' or become soiled,
and the whole skirt may be woshed without
injury or fear of rusting, and will be as
good as new.
The Combination Silver Skirt
This invention combines with the ordina
ry Skirt the advantages or our Silver Skirt
the bottom hoops are the same as those us
ed in the Silver Skirt, the covering of which
cannot wear off, while the upper ones an
covered with cotton. No lady having once
worn one of our Skirts, will be willing to
wear any other, as the lower hoops of all
other kiuds are soon mjureu ana soueeu.
The best mnteeials are used in their con
struction, and, from their durability and
neatness they are destined to become a
Favorite Skirt.
Manufactured Bolely by the
Silver Skirt and Wire Manu
facturing Company,
SO and 32, BHC'LY ST.
NEW YOttK.
T. S. BPiT,'Bup't; Aug eta-ly
Peace Jt'orth and South.
What is there to prevent the full
measure of national tranquility so ar
dently. desired by the real friends of the
country from being. realized t Ccrtaiu
ly nothing iu the conduct of the South
ern people or in the character of the leg.
islation of the Southern States. When
the armies of the Confederate States
laid down their arms in 1805, the peo
ple accepted the result and ntonce aban
doned all idea of hostility to the author
ity of' th general government... Nopeo.
pie who had been in hostile array against
power ever surrendered in such a com
plete and unreserved manner. It was
years after tho great civil wars of Eng.
laud before the unsuccessful party ac
ccpted the consequences of failure and
supported the ruling potvcl-3 in good
faith. The adherents of tho Stuarts
never gave up their animosity to the
family that ascended the throne over the
hopes and wishes of that branch of roy
alty. But the Southern people acted in
a different manner. They adopted the
arbitrament ot the sword failed, sur.
rendered, and turned to the work of re
construction and repairing the past, with
an housty of purpose and sincerity of
intention ii'at should command conli
dcuce aud ir.spire respect.
The coufederaiton is ? dead letter in
the minds of the Southern people They
have no desire to renew tho contest for
separate national existence. That idea
is as much a thing oi the past with those
who participated in the late struggle as
is the establishment of Eugtish rule
within the Union in the minds of the
subjects of Queen Victoria. All the
legislation of tbe Southern States has
been adapted to the altered condition of
ofthiugs. Every act looks to a union
between the States under the Constitu.
tion. These questions of slavery have
been disposed of by an amendment to
the Constitution. The civil rights of the
freed men have been guarded and pro
tee'ed by state enactnicuts. Provisions
has been made for their education, and
in this manner they have been aided in
their uew relations. Every reasonable
concession asked for by the North has
honn ntninnilv erantoii bv the South,
and now the people ol that seuuuu un.
patiently waiting for tho final act that
will admit them to full State relation
ship aud fraternity.
There are no reasons outsideof those
we have stated why the peoble of the
North and the South should not live to.
gether iii harmony, mutual fotbearanee,
strict non-intervention and manly toler
ance. Tho masses in both divisions of
the nation are ready for such a state of
things. Stop tho political preachers,
silence the foul.niouthed revilcrs of the
Union and the Constitution in Congress,
put patriotism and love of country into
the hearts of the conductors of lladical
journals Noilh and South, and the
UIilOU Will OH llliuui iu u iunuiuu.
Stevens and Sumner and Boutwell are
the obstacles, aided by the other agencies
named. They will not allow (he ques
tion to be settled. Such a consumma
tion would mar their plans for the fu
ture. But the sceptre of Stevens is slip
ping from his hands, and it is to be
hoped that the nest session of Congress
will be ruled by men more imbued with
u love of country than those who lead
the lladical forces at present. The peo
ple are ready forUuion. It is the Rad
ical politicians who forbid the bans.
That act is delayed. Why? Tbe
facts stated above are not detiied.' They
are matters of official record. Then
why are not the States admitted, and
peace, tranquility, and harmony ouco
more restored in all portions of the na
tion 1 The bar to that coveted action
is tho Radical party. That organization
stands in tho way of euch a consumma.
tion. Tbe leaders of that party are oppos
to a Union of all the States. JVith such
a Union they would be in a minority.
New England then could not control the
lepislation of the country, and drain the
Middle and Western States by unfair
and partial laws. A minority Congress
could not then rule tho majority, threai
ten the President, and bully aud insult
the Supreme Court. The election of a
President then would be participated in
by all the other States, and the Radical
candidate would be defeated dy an over
whelming majority. A united nation
would be the death blow to Radicalism,
and hence tho action of that party in
opposition to all attempts to restore the
Southern States to their constitutional
relations with the geueril government.
To him who goes to law, nine tilings
are requisite : "First, a good deal of
money j second, a good deal of patience ;
third, a good cause ; fourth, a good at
torney ; fifth, a good counsel ; sixth,
good evidence; seventh, a good jury ;
eihth, a good judge, aod ninth good
luck. Fven with these, a wise man
would hesitate before going to law."
There are fifteen thousand work,
men idle in New York city the vic
tims cf the Radical "policy" of agitation,
high tariffs for Yankee mauufactuiers,
j and disunion,
. THE FREEDMEISL
Rev. Dr. Plumnier, of Virginia writes
to the New York Ohnert er :
"I am sad when I think how fast they
are perishing, I was in Virginia, and
West Virginia more than thirty days,
saw thousands ol black people, but a
ruong them all I saw was but two chil
dren uudur four years of ago. An crui.
uent lady, who had extended opportuni
ties of information, said that she had
known but two or thrco births among
them in tignteen months, and that com
monly the white people did not hear of
sickueiiS among (hum till a coma was ap
plied for. A recent letter from a Chris
tian gentlemen in South Carolina says :
'There are but few births among them.'
A distinguished gentleman in the South,
a nativo of Pennsylvania, said within a
mouth, that he did not doubt that 500,.
000 negroes had died within the last
twelve Uioutiis. A gentleman lifts late,
ly visited over fifty plantations on or
near the Mississippi. He reports tho
number of graves made within a year on
these plantations as in no case less than
twenty and from that Up to two hundred.
A Major General of the United States
army officially stated that in one year
during the war, in his military district,
811,000 of these people perished. A
United States Senator recently made
this statement : 'Our officers state at
least a million have perished.' Randell
Hunt, of New Orleans says the same.
They" civo reasons. Some have fallen
iu battle. But terriblo diseases have
nrcvailed among them, and tho small
pox has swept them away all over the
land. They havo not been used to car
ing for their own diseases, and they have
perished by thousands. And I believe,
when wo tuke the census of 1870 two
filths of the colored population will have
perished."
The Crashing! " Seven." An ex.
change of a late date, reminds us of a
curious fact, that almost every decade in
the history of this country, cudiug with
the figure seven, lias marked the begin,
ning of a financial crash or severe de
pression. It says: Historic fatalism, if
nol actual sigus of the times, ine'.iuo ma-
i Ik'i- :. i. l ii i
to the periods iu our past history, tuade
memorable by financial troubles'. 'With
1707 came tho crash that wiped out
the Continental currency, and iu 1807
ourtrouples with France aud prospective
war with England threw tie country in.
to confusion, whilo iu 1817 we got the
legacy of the war of 1812-14 with Eng.
Jaud, which was a treineudous financial
revulsion. That 1827 was less severe,
but ten years later it came in good earn
estthc smash of all previous smashes
iu which the whole banking system and
business of tho couutry went down, not
to rise for nearly five years. King Hud
son reigued over tho English railroad
speculation of 1847, and famine stalked
over Europe, and especially in Ireland,
spreading suffering and causing wide
spread failures. A purely commercial
buap emphasized 1857, caused by infla
tion and over trading.
But the crash of 1867, if one is inev
itable, which we neither proclaim nor
admit, will bo " Pulion upon Oisa," in
deed. The chasm u too deep and dark
to think of, much less to look iuto.
An Oil Millionaue The Sheriff
of Venango Couuty, Pa., has advertised
the property of two score of"companies"
for sale, but while many have lost, others
have gained. A lrtusville correspond,
cut of the Rochester L'uioii tells tho fol
lowing :
Some five miles up tho creek, and to
tho west of it, laying aetoss Benuehofi'
Western and Pioneer Runs, is the farm
of John Beuninghoff, which cau be
bought for the modes: sum ot four hun
dred und fifty thousand dollars! Ubn't
start ! The royalty paid during the
mouth of November was over 833,000,
and this at tho low prico of oil. Only
about one-tenth of this farm has been
developed. When the Steele farm could
have been sold f or two millions, this was
regarded with disfavor, as it possessed
none of the "oil bottom," so eagerly
sought after. Since it has been found
that "bluff territory" is the most reliable,
this property has been freely operated.
Benuinghoff still lives on the bill top,
where for years he has had his home
has his corn field, oats and buckwheat,
which were tilled the past summer, with
the same anxiety as when be uceded the
avails of the crop tor his support. Iu
the possession ot well nigh a million of
dollars iu cash, the old gentleman seems
to have no idea of his wealth. Recently
he was complaining o a friend that his
igent had granted six leases on his corn
patch, and what he should do for corn
uext summer be knew not ; said ho, "I
must break up a new piece of groumd.
and for a man of my years it's too bad 1"
We lately heard of pn old woman
who is collecting all the Radical papers
she can lay her bund son, to make soap
of. She says "they are a desperate sight
better than ashes they are almost as
good a elvar ."
Tuthlug
Machine.
My wife's a exceedingly prantyeai
woman. I luv her muchly, however,
and humor her littlo ways. It'sarecklis
falsehood (hat she henpecks mo, mid
tho young man in our tiaborhood whj
sed to mo as I wuz uistendin my diu
lram with a gentle cocktail at the vil
lage tavern who sed to me in these ve
ry lnngwidge, " go home, old man, un
less you want auother teapot throwd at
you by.B. J.," probly regrets lievia sed
so, I sed, "Betsy Jane is my wile's f tout
name, gentle youth, and I permits no
person to alood to her as B. J. outside
of the family circle, of which I am it
principally myself. Your other i.bser
vations I scorn and disgust, and I must
polish you off." He was au able-bodied
young man, . and reinovia his coat, ho
inquired if I wanted to be ground to
powder ? I sed yes, if there was a pow
der griodest hatidy, nothing would afford
mo greater pleasure, when he struck mo
a painful blow into my right eye, cr.usin
me to make a rapid retreat into the fire
place. I hadu't no idea that the enemy
was so well organized. But 1 ri.llied
aud weut fur him iu a rather vigorous
style for my time of life. His pare ots
lived near by, and I will simply state
that fifteen minutes had only elapsed ai.
ter his first hit wheu he was carried
home on a shutter. His tnaiuma met
the solium procession at the door and
after kecrfully looki.igover her offspring,
she said, "My son, I see how it is dis
tiuotually. You'vo been looliu around
a threshing-machine. You went iuat
the place where they put the LMir.i; i.sto
the thingumajig, and let the busses tied
on you, didn't you, my sou ?" Tho pen
of no liviu orthur could diseiibe tliut
ditfortunit young man's situwation more
clearer. But I wuz sorry lor him, aud
nussed him till he got well. His regu
lar origiual father had been sent to the
war. 1 told him I'd be a father to him
atyself. He snii'.t a sickly smile, and
sed I'd already been wuss thau two lath
ers to him.
Tue Creditor's Stratagem. Four
creditors started from Boston, in thd
same train of cars, for the puipoo of at
; ' ,' - .... r , it.
ill Farmiugton, in the Slate" 61" Miiue?
He owed each one separately, and each
one was suspicious of the object of .the
other, but dared not say a word about ic.
So they rode, acquaintances, all talking
upou everything exeept ili u they had
most at heart. When thjy arrived at
the depot at Faruiiugtou, . !ii.-n was
three miles from where the debtor did
business, they fnuud imiliLig to " pat
'cm over tho road " but a s.litai t-Ji,
towards which they all rushed. Throe
got in and refused amission to t.!ie fourth
and tho cab started. The t ur b ran af
ter, and got up outside with i u-. Liver.
He asked the driver if he wanted t.i tcil
his horse. He replied that he did not
want to that he was nor worth n: ;ro
than fifty dollars, but he would tut sell
him tor that. lie asked linn if lit would
not take ouo hundred dollars f ir him.
"Yes," he said. The foui th mau quick,
ly paid over tho money, took tho reins
aud backed the cab up to a bank, slip
ped it from tho harness, and tipped it
up so that the door could not bu opened,
and then jumped upon the horse's b:c
and roJe off licketj switeh, while the in
siders were looking out of the wiuij.v,
feeling like siuged eats. He rode to a
lawyer's aud got a writ adu and rurved
and his debt secured, and got back tj
(he hotel just as the "insiders" came up
puffing aud blowing. The cabman soou
bought back his horse for fifty dollars.
Tho "solid" men offered to pay that sum
if the fortunate ouo, wLo foun I proper
ty sufficient to pay his owu d.-bt, would
nut tell of it in Bost in.
''Here's your money, do'u, aui t ill
me why your rascally master wrote n.j
eighteen letters about that contemptible,
sum?" I'm sure I can't tell: but if
you will excuse me, sir I gue?s it was
because seventeen didn't fetch it."
A lady asked a1 pupil at a vuhiio
school, "'What was tho siu of ill.- Phar
isees?" "Eatingcamels, maim," qu,ik.
ly replied the child, fc'tu had Hud that
the Pharisees '-stmiubd ai gnats and
swallowed camels."
General Batler says that President
Johnsou doj uot like to show his haul.'
Mr. Prentiui) adds: "If he were to
show both bis bauds and his p iekeH,
aud the inside ol his hat, his cjck-cyei
assailant would see no stolcu spjjuj in
thein."
Tho city dailies published a tala
gram from Europe last week, auuoiij.
cing the death of Tom Thumbs intaut
daughter. We think the nes of suolr
small miment as to be uuwo.ihy ol Ule.
graphio recognition.
A Negro name 1 Gregory killad anoth
er noro numul Smith, at Manchester,
Virginia, tho other d iy, bv striking h! ir
behind tho ear with a brick. This soflji
the mater that the only vulnarabin phoi
iu a "ward of tho goveroujiul" w n t
: hit heel or hi shin.-
ir tonus Ward's