Willi Hip
NT. TERJX-S 25 per Annum if paid in A dvance
Saturday Skit. 2-itIi, 1SG1
MO 11
"Wall, reckon we'll stop .it Deters
Inw."
"Show yonr tickets, if you 1en.c."
"Sarlaiulv. Lize you pot srntio v
th
yon ? Lot tlrs pent Ln U at 'cm '
' Y..U played li 1." Onr amiable
clerk catoe very near javing a had void,
lmt remembering that there was a hvly
in 1h( pl-iec or miner in the bed, he
ehec'.'d hi y)'z temper, mill bavin;.'
Lize drew n piece of white paper from lit tho gr.. pivve,.--1 to fliow .Teems the
lier redicule. .mil. with a smile, handed
it to our friend the Captain, who
road :
"The pleasure of your company is re
spectfully solicited."
"What's this ?" s.iid the Caption.
"Why that's one. of the tickets to our
weddioL'. that's what you asked fur,
hnint it!" said the somewhat surprised
Jeoms.
"Whw ! haw! haw! haw! haw!
fc-iw !" was the discordant .sound that
nron from the Beat of the filoopy looking
Individ mil.
A hlnud smile passed over the face
of the Captain, ns he explained his nioan
in'jr to onr verdant friend, lie had no
tickets, hut willingly paid his fare, and
the train sped on towards its destination.
But wonders did not cease hero ; pre
sently our pert newsboy. Killy, entered
the ear, strutting up to Jeeuis, ho ask
ed :
"Have a Smt, sir ?"'
"Wall, cf I hare ny way about it,
the fust one will be a son. sartaiu," said
.Teems. Liz? blushed.
"Don't count your chickens fifoic
they're hatched !" said Billy as ho has.
tened on to the next car.
Tn due time the train stopped at the
bit; depot, in the city. Amidst confu
sion of a strange noise and a babel of
disdovdant voices, our friends, landed on
the platform.
"T?us, sah '! Tuss, sah ?-- free for de
IVitod States !" said the sable porter cf
our up town house. "Lady take a buss,
sah ?"
"Wall, I rather 'spnso she. won't from
anybody but me; reckon I'm ablo to do
all she wants in that line, aud more
too."
"Go to the Swan House, sah? right
crost do street ; lie t hoa-e in de city,
Pi way, sah, any baggage, sah ? Have
it sent up to your room iu a few min
utes." i w a short li"ie J'-i'-H Vi: I;:.1.:
tound themselves iu em ot those com
fortable rooms on the Second floor of tha!
well ordered establishment ihc f'v.'.iii
House. The baggage wis., hcul up with
the u.-ual j iiiiiipliic-s, ai.d our friends
weie i.oii making their toilet lor dinner.
Jecnis had his coat aud loots off in a
jiffy, aud Lit-'s hair fell gracefully over
her shoulders
"That's a daru'd purty t'n-at'1," said'
Jeems. eyeing the bell curd ; "wonder
what it's lur '!" catching hul l ut' it.
"Look ! it works up there on some sort
of a thitigombob. I'd like to hava thar
torsel to put ou my horse's head next
luustet day ) .-ce how it woiks," s.dd he,
giving it a pull.
1'ieeeutly the door opened, and the
fable face ut one of Ahic's .sons uis
thrust into tho room, with the mqui
iv :
"Rin-. sah r
'Rin 1 vir.tr what, you black ape .?Ef
vou don't Quit loukiu' at my wife, and
mysU-ry of its hurmnir ns follows :
"You see thin little thin here? Well,
when you want t.i pat. it out yrwt give it
a turn this v.'r, and when yon wntit to
n..;ke it IL'iitor, you give ii a turn this
way. Serioii.- ( onr-cquenccs mipht, have
resulted if it had not been discovered.
Tt r.iipht. h: vi suffocate 1 us all. Now
be rueful next time.
".Much obliged; but bow tbo devil did
I know that tho darned stufl was scaping?'
rcplie 1 .TV ems.
"Didn't vo'i smell it ?" saM the cleric.
'Pears ti me T did smell sutliin." said
.Teem?. "ITuf. Lize, I'll be durn'd cf T
didn't think it was you, kasa I r.evcr
slept with a woman before."
'Well, Jooms, T thoiuht it was you
smelt that way nil the time. I was je-t
a wonderiu' ifall men smelt that way.
Tt 'peered strnnpe, but then. I never
slept vi'h a nvtn before, and didn't know
nothiu' about it," was the rcrponso of
Lize. as she turned over for a nap.
The red in our clerk's face grew smi
lingly redder, as it reflected the li::ht
from the burning jet, and a rogish twin
kle lurked in the corner of his eyes, ns
he turned off the gas and all was dark,
and our friends were ieft alone in their
plory. A sound of suppressed mirth was
heard in the reading room for a few
minutes, and all was still.
JOSH BILLINGS ON DILUTING.
Widdor winiinin, aud there only son,
iz xoiupt, provided the widdev's husband
lias aire:; ly served eics .u tlie war,
I blcvc the
has decided this, thiua
ONE OF CS.1I AN LODGES 10.
lULS.
We recently met our friend, Dr. J.
1. Lord, fojmcrly of Boston, Maw. Th
doctor is pot only compounder cf rooU
and "ymbsMut one of the fincDt poet
in the laud. Sonnets from his pin navo
graced the c jlumns of some of the map,
zincs aud journal.', in A incries. He ha
t o' n a rj. idriit of this section for about
.i:i years. Duricg his first few years lift
wi's cx'ciiidvely enzno-J in buying wool,
and, on one occasion, becoming a littla
bewildered with Vac Kultiplicity of
crooked roads over tha broad prairies,
he redo up to aniall epbin, uticlor.od in
a cbf.nr r.f loensf trcs, an.l bailed a
? h:' Iio left ,d bf V, perched oil the t of
a h ',:i.eoo), with :
'Hello, b..y !"
"I reckon you're a stranger ?" vtaath
rc-poiiso.
T..Atjr.?,soanj."
"I ain't your sonny."
"No.you rdii't my sonny, but if you'll
jump down and come here I'll give you
a dimo."
The boy sprang as if alighting from a
wasp's ne- t. and coming rip to the straa
jior, exclaimed :
"rell, old ho, what is it V
"I've lost my w4".y and don't know
where I am Can you tell 1"
"Yes you're sitting on that ho33,"
Mr. Lord laughed at the boy's wit,
and handed him the dime.
"Tho boy look the money, looked upotj
it wiih miuled faeliuga of wonder and
delight, nn l said :
"I reckon jou rauat have a power of
uioney?"
"Why so V
"Cause you slather it nway so."
"What's your father's uauie ?" ia
quired Mr. Lord.
"Bill Jcuks," was the reply.
"Ah, yes, "I know him," exclaim
ed Mr. Liord. "lie grows wcol, dou'fc
he ?"
"No; but his sheep d,i7."
"If you knew mo, my lad. you would
be more respectable in your rrpliea. I'm
a friend of your lather J .'J ume is
Loru.
(), yes," exclaimed tho astonished
and deiii.bted lad. "I'-ehearn pap read,
about you in the Bible," an x starting lor
the house on a dead run, be bawled out
at the top ct his lungs, "Mother, mother,
(he Lord is out here a lursebauk, and
has Lit his way,"
aud is Viilliii2C to sro in aiu.
supreuie eorto
forever.
Once more If a man should run
away with his draft, he probably woul
deu't cvir be allowd to staul t!ie draft
aain. This luk at i', the moaryu can
see the wisdom into it.
Uuce niorly Xompts are those who
h-.v been i!i:i!te i ::i!o ;!:o Suit piizcn
for trsi.ito ;rit nj. Ii j'ut tiviji.f bi sup
poiting - wives tu ouet ; also, a'i then
peeplc wlio arc crazec, an l uusonuu on
the goo-o ; alio, all pusepaper corrispuii
dents, and fool.) iu (ieucral.
Uuce luoruiy oain No substitute
will be ackei'prnl wlio is Us limn three
or moar than ten feet hidi. lie must
know how to chaw tubacetr, aud drink I
A Co:-is:cTOii DuadBkat. A cor
pulent anl k'ocd naturcJ Conductor Jon
the Columbus and Cleveland railroad,
and one the best in the co nit ry was sold
theoiher da in a singular mauner. Ilia
train, the morning express, was roiling
towards Cleveland at tho rate of lorty
miles au hour, when several men were
noticed on tho track ahead, who, upon
the tinproach of the train, ran up tho
ent'i'tikinei.t and coumienccd pestieulat
i:i;r in the most energetic manner. The
etitriueer suin.osiu'.r that the men intend
el to warm him of a br ken rail or a
ruined bridge, whi -ib d down the brakes
and stopped the engine, but tho train
was running so fast that it could not bo
str.ppetd until the men were pascd. Tha
clever conductor, in order to save time,
: leaned from the tram and ran back to
. . . . .,
I.
e, aii i :iiu-ii t u
the rebels. M
ter am t required, as the tiovcrumeiit
jriii.-hes ih.it an I rahun-,.
Conclusively A iierjou ciunot be
ratted a. oar than twice in two puices
ithoilt his consent ; but all ui 'ii has a
i-ht to be dialled at least ouc-t ; 1 dull t
hiuk even a writ ot habeas corpus cm
prive a man of this hut blcosed privi-c.
make yourselt scarce, 1 II wiin; your
head off.
"Stop a minit," said Lize. "What's
the name of the man that keeps this
tavern '!"
"Mr- Couley, inarn.''
"Well, tell his lady that she needn't
go to any extra tixins on our account, for
we re plain people, saul tlie amiable
-
bride.
"As they used to say in our debatin
society," interrupted Jeeuis, "I amend
that motiou bysaviu vou can tell em to
"ivc us the Lest they have iiot : I'm abl
to pay fur it, and dou't keer lor expense."
"Toe bee ! tee hoe !" v-cs tho only
audible reply from the sable gent, and he
hurried down stairs'
Dinner came, and was dispatched with
a relish. .Teems aud his bride took
stroll over the city, Keein the lions and
other sights until suppertuue, which be
inir over, they retired to theii room
The pas was lit by the servant, who re
ceived a bright (piartcr for his service
Jcems was the last in bed, and aceorUin
to the rule in such cases, had to put out
the liiiht, whi.h he did with a Hast from
his luu
The noise iu the street bad died away,
and quiet icipiicd iu the Swan House.
The younir man on the watch dazed in
his chain- The clerk rather corpulent,
was about to retire, when he thought he
smelt fis. Some ouo came down stairs
and sa'id he snull yus. Theguest.s, sonic
of them, woho up aud smct jas.
Much agaiust his will, the clerk procee
ded to find where the leak was. It
seemed cLjnger in the neighborhood of
the room occupied by the bride and
groom. Clerk coucluded to kucck ut
the door of their room. i
"Who'i there '!" evmio from tho inside.
"Open the door, the pas is escaping.
whiffkc
, i , .i . .i. ,
eoouire 'VV lat 111 inunoer v.asuie ii.uii.ei,
atecrd of: .1 t .ilov gimi,i jrestieulate in that man-
il cliaraK
WHAT THE WIND SAYS.
nor an 1 atop the train.' 'The devil tako
your train,' responded oue the men, as
he danced about and struck out at the
ail. 'We didn't stop your train. We ran
into a blasted bliimble bees' nest, and
are fubiiu' 'em.' Tho Conductor ro
rained his train r.s speedily as possible,
the whistle was sounded and the train
dished away to make up time, having
the men on "the track behind, still fight
inii (ho enraged bees. Sinfcmnn.
"Do you know what the December
wind ay. grandpa:'" asked a little child
it an old nicrcliaut a knee.
"No puss ; what docs it' be answer.
ed, stroking her lair hair
'Bemember the poor, graudpa;
when it comes down tho chimney, it
roars, remeniber the poor ; when it puts
its mouth to the keyhole it whistles 're
member the poor ; when it strides
through a crack iu the door if whispers
it; and prandp.i, when it blows your
beautiful hair about in the street, aud
ou shiver and button up were coat, does
it not pet at your ear and say bo too, in a
still small, voice, graudpa?"
" hy what does the child mean !
cried the grandpa, who, I am afraid,
had been used to shut his heart asainst
. i . r . . ir
sucti words. "Xou want a uew iuuo
and tippet, I reckon. A pietty way to
eet them out of vonr old grandqa."
"Lo, prandpa," said the child earnest.
ly, suaiv-ing ner neao, no; its uu muu
and tippet children i'mthinkiug of; my
mother always remembers them, aud so
do I try to."
After tho next storm the old inerennnt
The tivi'.PTic Silenced. Ah 1 ex.
claimed a skeptical collegian to an old
Quaker. I suppose you are one ol thosa
fanatics whobeiieve the Bible?
1 do believe the Bible, replied tho
old man. Do you behevo it
No ; I can have uo proof of its
truth.
Then, inquired tho old min'doei thea
believe in Franco ?
Yes, for although I have never seen
it I have seen pthers v, ho have. Besides
there is plenty corroborative proof that
such a county does exist.
Then thee" will not believe anything
thee or others have not seen r
No.
Did thee ever see thy own brains?
No. ,
Ever see a man who did see them 7
No.
Does thee believe thee ha3 any ?
This last question put an end to tha
discussion.
"Gas ! what gas?" said Jecnis. open
itig the door.
"Why, hero in this room,
you put your ligot out '!"
blew jt ou. ol cour&c."
sent fifty dollars to tho treasurer of
relief society, and said, "cull lor more
when vou need it. i lie treasurer start
tsd with surprise for it was the first limo
he had ever collected more than a dollar
from him, and that he thought came
Tud!'ir'iTv.
- '. ..' y ... . . . n 1
"YV hv. said tlie ineicliaotaitcrwarus,
I never could get rid of that child's
words ; they stuck to nic like glue-"
"And a little child shall lead them.''
snvs the scrinture. How many a cold
he'ivrt, and, close heart is opeutd by the
simple earnestness and suggestive words
oi a child
'Got
Ce-
'Ma, has your tongue 0t legs?'
what, my child '!' ;G ot legs, ma.'
tainly not but why do you ask that silly
How dil cesnou .
pa say vour
li?niing till nipht.
'Oh, nothing only I heard
t.iuL'iie was runninp from
THE BIRDS SONG.
Lo ! the lillies of the field,
TIow their leaves instruction yield
Hark to Nature's lesson given
15y the blessed birdt of heaven;
Every hush and tufted tree
Warbles sweet pbilosopdy :
"Mortal, fly from doubt and sorrow,
God provideth for the morrow.
"One ther? lives whose guardian Ey
Guides our bumble destiny;
One there li.-cs, who, Lord of all,
Keeps our feathers lest they fall ;
Pass we blitcly, then the time,
Fearless of the snare and lime,
Free from doubt and faithless sorrow,
God provideth for the morrow."
It is a lamentable iact that some of
the ablest as well as the poorest news
papers in the country are giving up tha
pbost. on account of tha high prico cf
pto-k an l labor.
An exchange says: "How young
men cousent to loaf about the corners as
they do, when u good dose of arsenic can
be purehr.sed f or a mpcoeo, ii rcall
tturprisinp."
I