THOUGHT SHE HAD PRACTISED
Frenchman's Suspicion! Really Some
thing of a Compliment to the
Men of America.
Claude Grahame White, the English
viator, praised, at a dinner In New
York, the good fellowship of Ameri
cans. "The American woman Is regarded
abroad as an angel," he said. "The
man Is admittedly a good fellow, but
an angel he is far from being.
"You've heard of the Frenchman,
perhaps, whose sweetheart spent the
summer in America? After her return
the poor Frenchman seemed quite
blue.
"'What's the matter with you?' a
. friend asked.
" 'I am worried,' the other muttered,
'about my fiancee. You see, since her
return from America she kisses so
much better than she used to.' "
On Authority of Teacher.
A quick-witted boy, asking food at
farmhouse too recently ravaged by
other hungry Ashing truants, was told
that be was big enough to wait until
be got home.
"Of course, if you have children
with you " hesitated the kindly wom
an of the house, and was Immediately
informed that there were six children
in the party.
"No, I don't tell a fib, neither," was
the indignant protest later drawn
forth by the condemnation of one who
had shared the good bread and butter
thus secured. "Fib nothln'. We're
children six times over. We're chil
dren of our father and mother, chil
dren of God, children of our country,
children of the church an' children of
grace. Teacher said so last Thursday,
and I guess she ought to know."
Lover's Wedding Cake.
Four pounds of flour of love, half a
pound of buttered youth, half a pound
of good looks, half a pound of sweet
temper, half a pound of self-forgetful-ness,
half a pound of powdered wits,
half an ounce of dry humor, two table
spoonfus of sweet argument, halt a
pint of rippling laughter, half a wine
glassful of common sense.
Then put the flour of love, good
Jooks and sweet temper into a well
furnlshed house. Beat the butter of
youth to a cream. Mix together blind
ness of faults, self-forge.tfulness, pow
dered wits, dry humor Into sweet argu
ment, then add them to the above.
Pour in gently rippling laughter and
common sense. Work it together un
til all is well mixed, then bake gently
forever.
A Complaint.
We're for women, first, last and all
' the time. We like her beautiful or
plain, clever or Just ordinary; witty
or not; shapely or pudgy, but con
found it we do wish that each and ev
ery one of them would get over the
notion that a man has no right to
turn the pages of a newspaper Just
because he's wedged against her in
a street car. We've been frozen by a
look, stabbed by a sneer and wounded
to the quick by a sigh Just because
we've tried to read the story contin
ued on page seven, column five, and
the thing that hurts the most is that
we still think that we had a perfect
right to do so. Detroit Free Press.
A Condition, Not a Theory.
A sociologist in conversation with a
practical person from the middle west
concerning the labor problem in her
part of the country thereby learned
the lesson of the situation.
"Are there many men out of work?"
he asked.
The lady admitted that there were
quite a number.
"What," said he then, "do the unem
ployed do?"
"Nothing," said the lady. "That's
the trouble." Youth's Companion.
When a woman begins to tell a man
bow nice looking she thinks be la he
Immediately develops unlimited faith
In her Judgment.
8TOPPED SHORT
Taking Tonics, and Built Up on
Right Food.
The mistake Is frequently made of
trying to build up a worn-out nervous
system on so-called tonics drugs.
New material from which to rebuild
wasted nerve cells Is what should be
supplied, and this can be obtained
only from proper food.
''Two years ago I found myself on
" the verge of a complete nervous col
lapse, due to overwork and study, at I
to illness in the family," writes a Wis.
consln young mother.
"My friends became alarmed be
cause I grew pale and thin and could
not sleep nights. I took various tonics
prescribed by physicians, but their
effects wore off shortly after I
stopped taking them. My food did
not seem to nourish me and I gained
no flesh nor blood.
"Reading of Grape-Nuts, I de
termined to stop the tonics and see
what a change of diet would do. I
ate Grape-Nuts four times a day,
with cream and drank milk also, went
to bed early after eating a dish of
Grape-Nuts.
"In about two weeks I was sleeping
soundly. In a short time gained 20
'pounds in weight and felt like la
different woman. My little daughter
whom I was obliged to keep out of
school last spring on. account of
chronic catarrh has changed from a
thin, pale, nervous child to a rosy,
healthy girl and has gone back Co
school this fall.
"Grape-Nuta and fresh air were the
only agents used to accomplish the
happy results."
Bead "The Road to Wellville," in
pkgs. "There's a Reason."
Brer ire a a the above letter! A in
ema appears from time te tine. They
are aseaulao, trae, aaa fall of hauauo
lataraat.
-c ANNUAL
PROBLEM
He leaned hit head upon his hand
And thought with deep dismay
About tha things that he must ret
To give on Christmas day.
"The cook," he sighed, "mutt have tha
beat
I know how to select.
Or otherwise she'll quit, and then
Our household will be wrecked.
"The second trlrl must have a (1ft '.
That will delight her heart
Or she wlll frown upon my wife
And say that they must part.
The man who tends the furnace ha
Must be upon the list
Or else some frigid dawn the heat
That cheers us will be missed.
"My office boy must have a watch
Or a ten dollar bill
If I should fall In this I'd have
A vacant place to fill.
The janitor, the engineer.
The elevator boys
Will call for tribute and I must
Add something to their Joys.
"The waiter at the club: the chef:
The man who brings the milk:
The garbage man: the faithful cop.
And othors of that Ilk
Must all be borne In mind, so that
None may be overlooked"
And so the names of each and all
With what to give, he booked.
He ran his eyes adown the list
And found It waa complete.
And thought about the Christmas bills
That would be his to meet
"Alas!" he wept, "It Is too bad!"
Ho shed a bitter tear.
"I find I can afford no gifts
For wife and children dear!"
Wind.
"Did you ever get any dividends on
that tunnel stock you bought of the
man who was promoting a scheme to
bore a shaft under the river?" asks the
mildly interested friend.
"No," explains the other. "That tun
nel never was dug."
"O, then it was merely an air shaft
a hot air one, I mean."
Optical Delusion.
"Have you ever noticed how fat
women like to go about in crowds V
asks the man with the thoughtful
eyes.
"You're mistaken about it; that's
all," explains the man with the uncer
tain whiskers. "When two or' three
of them get together it Just looks like
a crowd to you."
Kindly Remembrance
"Do you suppose Cook and Peary
will send Christmas remembrances to
each other?" asks the man who Is al
ways wondering about the most unex
pected things.
"Certainly," replies the man who
wants to finish his paper. "I don't
know what Peary will send Cook, but
I should think Cook would send Peary
a set of instructions how to play that
old game of Copenhagen."
At the 8prlng Meeting.
"I am so happy. My husband
dldnt want me to pay $200 for a dress,
but he has won $100 on a race this
afternoon and says I may have that."
"So you will get the dress?"
"No. I can get a $300 dress now,
you see."
Padding.
"Yes, it Is a fairly good poem," says
the carpling critic, after a hasty
perusal of one of Longfellow's ef
forts. "It Is really of merit, but the
trouble with It Is that It Is so great'
ly padded."
"Padded? Why, it doesn't appear
to me to have an unnecessary word
in It I don't see where you could
omit a line or a stanza without spoil-,
lng the sense of it," replies the other
person. i
"But can't you see that it is filled
out with 'Excelsior?'"
The Back Fugue.
"What is that you are playing?" we
ask of our friend, who is pumping his
pianola.
"That's a Back fugue," be says.
"It doesn't sound much like Bach."
'T didn't say Bach. I said Back."
"Back?"
"Yes, B-a-c-k, Back."
Never heard of such a "
"Of course not. It's my own idea.
I do it by running a porous plaster
through the pianola."
COUNTRY AWAKE TO DANGER
Increase of Sanatoria and Hospitals
for Consumptives Is Most
Gratifying,
The growth of the crusade against
tuberculosis in the United States la
shown to good advantage in the two
directories that have been issued by
the National Association for the Study
and Prevention of Tuberculosis and
the one in preparation. The first tu
beculosls directory published in 1904,
by the tuberculosis committee of the
Nsw York Charity Organization Socie
ty and the National Association listed
133 sanatoria and hospitals for con
sumptives in the United States, for
some of which preliminary provision
only has been made. The combined
capacity of these Institutions was
only 8,000 beds. Thirty-two special
dispensaries and thirty-nine antl-tu-berculosls
organizations summed up
practically all of the fighting force
enumerated in the first directory.
The second directory was prepared by
the National Association for the Study
and Prevention of Tuberculosis and
published under the auspices of the
Russell Sage Foundation' in August,
1908. This directory listed 240 sana
toria and hosoltals, an increase of
107 from the former directory; 168
dispensaries, an Increase of 126; and
195 associations, an increase of 158.
The number of hospital beds listed
In 1908 was 14,014.
The new directory that will be is
sued soon, will list over 400 sanatoria
and hospitals with a bed capacity of
nearly 25,000; more than 300 special
tuberculosis dispensaries; and fully
450 anti tuberculosis associations and
committees. Since the first directory
was issued in 1904, the increase In
the number of agencies fighting con
sumption aggregates nearly 500 per
cent. s .
The National Association for the
Study and Prevention of Tuberculosis
would like to get In touch with all
agencies engaged in the fight against
tuberculosis, In order that they may
be listed in the new directory.
RATHER FAST.
Vll
cnai:
"What is the fastest run your auto
ever made?"
"It ran me $200 in debt the first
week I had it"
SICK, SOUR, UPSET STOMACH
Indigestion, Gas, Heartburn or Dys
pepsia Relieved Five Minutes After
Taking a Little Dlapepsln.
Here is a harmless preparation
which surely will digest anything you
eat and overcome a sour, gassy or out-of-order
stomach within five minutes.
If your meals don't fit comfortably,
or what you eat lies like a lump of lead
In your stomach, or if you have heart
burn, that Is a sign of Indigestion,
Get from your Pharmaciat a 60-cent
case of Pape's Dlapepsln and take
a dose Just as soon as you can. There
will be no sour risings, no belching of
undigested food mixed with acid, no
stomach gas or heartburn, fullness or
heavy feeling in the stomach, Nausea,
Debilitating Headaches, Dizziness or
Intestinal griping. This will all go,
and, besides, there wU be no sour food
left over in the stomach to poison your
breath with nauseous odors.
Pape's Dlapepsln is a certain cure
for out-of-order stomachs, because it
takes hold of your food and digests it
Just the same as If your stomach
wasn't there.
Relief in five minutes from all stom
ach misery is waiting for you at'auy
drug store here in town.
These large 50-cent cases of Pape's
Dlapepsln contain more than sufficient
to thoroughly cure almost any. case of
Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Gastritis or
any other stomach disorder.
Strong preaching.
The minister's eight-year-old daugh
ter was returning with her parents
from church, where the district super
intendent had that morning occupied
the pulpit . .
"Oh, father," asked the little girl,
her face alive with enthusiasm. "Don't
you think Brother C. Is a very strong
preacher? I do."
Gratified by this evidence of un
usual intelligence on the part of his
offspring, the minister eagerly In
quired into her reasons for her state
ment. "Oh," replied the little miss, art
lessly, "didn't you see how the dust
rose when he stamped bis feet?"
Judge.
Good Arrangement
A genial looking gentleman wanted
an empty bottle in which to mix a
solution, and went to a chemist's to
purchase one. Selecting one that an
swered his purpose, he asked the
shopman bow much It would cost
"Weil," was the reply, "If you want
the empty bottle it will be a penny,
but if you want anything in it you can
have it for nothing." "Well, that's
fair," said the customer; "put in a
ork."
i w nj Ihs
AN AWFUL BLUNDER
BIOLEY'S HASTE TO SAVE HIS
SUIT WAS DISASTROUS.
His Wife's Curiosity Is Aroused When
He Telephones Her Not to Give
His Wearing Apparel
Away.
"I never did like that suit."
Bigley Jumped up from the break
fast table with a show of impatience.
"I can't help It if 'you don't,' he ex
claimed. "I paid $S0 for it and I
can't afford to throw it away."
A pause.
"But I'm going to," he added, sav
agely. "I've suffered enough in It. It
Is too small, and I simply can't stand
it I put it on this morning for the
first time In weeks. But I'll take It
off and never wear it again. You can
throw it away."
"Well!" cried Mrs. Bigley, "Imagine
what you would say to me If I should
throw away any of my clothes because
they didn't turn out well."
"Nonsense! I wouldn't mind a bit.
What's the use of making myself un
comfortable? It doesn't pay."
"That's the difference between us.
You can afford to make those experi
ments, but I can't I'd never bear the
last of it."
."I should want you to do Just as I
am doing. Well, I can't wait to get
this off."
He was gone ten minutes. He reap
peared in another suit
"I left It on the chair." he said.
"Give it away. Throw it out. I never
want to see it again. Goodby. I've
Just got time to catch that train."
He kissed her and hurried off. .
When he got to the train he sudden
ly put his hand in his pocket and re
membered that he had forgotten his
purse, which was In the pocket of the
waistcoat he had discarded. Was there
time to go back? No. He had enough
to get him to bis office.
But that $50. Ah! His wife might
give away the suit to some one, and
forget to go through It
He hurried to the 'phone. She an
swered almost Immediately.
"Say! I've been thinking about that
suit Perhaps you would better not
give It away. I may be able to have It
altered.
"Did you think"
"O," carelessly, "I didn't know but
some one might come around today.
Just hold It till I come home. Put it
in a safe place, and I'll see about It."
"All right"
Bigley smiled to himself all the way
In. He congratulated himself on his
presence of mind. He might have
mentioned that $50, and his wife ?
When he came home that evening
he waa met In the hall by his wife.
She had on her street dress. She had
Just come In.
"Where have you been?" he asked.
"Shopping."
He turned pale.
"What did you get?"
"A lovely cape for $50."
"Where did you get the money?"
"Out of your clothes. Do you know,
my dear, I shouldn't have thought of
looking there if you hadn't telephoned."
Harper's Weekly.
Shrinking Glaciers.
Scientists aver that, save over a
small area, the glaciers of the world
are retreating to the mountains, says
the Dundee Advertiser. The glacier on
Mount Sarmlento, In South America,
which descended to the sea when Dar
win found it in 1836, is now separated
from the shore by a vigorous growth
of timber.
The Jacobshaven glacier, in Green
land, has retreated four miles since
1860, and the East Glacier, In Spitz
bergen, is more than a mile away from
its old terminal moraine. In Scandi
navia the snow line is further up the
mountains, and the glaciers have
withdrawn 8,000 feet from the low
lands in a century. The Arapahoe
glacier, In the Rocky mountains, with
characteristic American enterprise,
has been melting at a rapid rate for
several years. In the eastern Alps
and one or two other small districts
the glaciers are growing. In view of
these facts we should not be too skep
tical when old men assure us that
winters nowadays are not to be com
pared with the winters of their boy
hood. A Boy's Preference.
Little Roger McBrlde stood by the
highway that led down to Chardon and
waited for the big threshing machine
to go by. ' The big thresher rumbled
a good deal and was heavy and un
wieldy, and if you got a chance to ride
you had to hold on tight.
And while Roger was waiting there
In the yellow highway a fine automo
bile came by and slowed down, and
the voice of the rich set man in the
world hailed him.
"Don't you want a ride and a hand
ful of candy, little man?" said the
voice.
Roger had seen the richest man and
knew who he was, and he shyly
smiled at the greeting.
"If you please, sir," he answered,
"I'd rather ride on the thresher."
So the richest man . laughed and
whirled away and the boy waited by
the roadside. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Pun From Punch.
No society sanctum In Washington, t
contemporary tells us, Is now com
plete unles it contains an imago oi
buddha. The new name for a rooit
furnished in- this style Is a Budd
hoir. Punch.
would be of more value.
Father O'Leary'a Facetious Rejoinder
to John Phllpot Curran an Ex
ample of Real Wit
One day the famous John Phllpot
Curran, who was also very partial to
the said corned mutton, did me the
honor to meet him. To enjoy the so
ciety of such men was an Intellectual
treat. They were great friends and
seemed to have a mutual respect for
each other's talent, and, as it may
easily be Imagined, O'Leary versus
Curran was no bad match.
One day after dinner Curran said to
him: "Reverend father, I wish you
were St. Peter." , ,
"And why, counselor, would you wish
that I were St Peter?" - asked
O'Leary.
"Because, reverend father. In that
case," said Curran, "you would have
the keys to heaven, and you could let
me In."
"By my honor and conscier.ee, coun
selor," replied the divine, "it would be
better for you that I had the keys of
the other place, then I could let you
out.'
Curran enjoyed the Joke, which he
admitted had a good deal of Justice in
it From Kelly's Remenlscences.
WHAT?
Weeks Why are you stopping?
You didn't run over that man.
Swiftly I know it I Just want to
ee what alls the steering gear.
AN INTOLERABLE ITCHING
"Just about two years ago, some
form of humor appeared on my scalp.
The beginning was a slight itching but
it grew steadily worse until, when I
combed my hair, the scalp became
raw and the ends of the comb-teeth
would be wet with blood. Most of the
time there was an intolerable itching,
in a painful, burning way, very much
as a bad, raw burn, If deep, will itch
and smart when first beginning to
heal. Combing my hair was positive
torture. My hair was long and tan
gled terribly because of the blood and
scabs. This continued growing worse
and over half my hair fell out I waa
In despair, really afraid of becoming
totally bald.
"Sometimes the pain was so great
that, when partially awake, I would
scratch the worst places so that my
finger-tips would be bloody. I could
not sleep well and, after being asleep
a short time, that awful stinging pain
would commence and then I would
wake up nearly wild with the torture.
A neighbor said it must be salt rheum.
Having used Cutlcura Soap merely as
a toilet soap before, I now decided to
order a set of the Cutlcura Remedies
Cutlcura Soap, Ointment and Pills.
I used them according to directions
for perhaps six weeks, then left off,
as the disease seemed to be eradi
cated, but toward spring, eighteen
months ago, there was a slight re
turn of the scalp humor. I com
menced the Cutlcura treatment at
once, so kad very little trouble. On
my scalp I used about one half a cake
of Cutlcura Soap and half a box of
Cutlcura Ointment in all. The first
time I took six or seven bottles of Cu
tlcura Pills and the last time three
bottles neither an expensive or te
dious treatment Since then I have
had no scalp trouble of any kind.
Standing up, with my hair unbound, It
comes to my knees and bad It not been
for Cutlcura I should doubtless be
wholly bald.
''This Is a voluntary, unsolicited tes
timonial and I take pleasure in writing
it, hoping my experience may help
someone else. Miss Lillian Brown,
R. F. D. 1, Liberty, Me., Oct 29, 1909."
And many a man's reputation for
bouesty Is due to his having put aside
temptations that didn't tempt
Many a man who put his money in
mine comes out minus.
in"iaaM i
W. L. DOUGLAS
3 '322 & S4 SHOES rMSIS
Bovs- Shoes, $2.00, S2.50 AS3.00. Bear in ths World.
W. L. Dotrpta 9S.OO, tS.BO and $4.00 moomm
mrm BomMltmlf Ihm burnt mmdm and msMtf moo- .
vlmr mhomm for Ihm mrlem In Amorlom, mnd mrm
ihm tnomt economical mhoma lor you to buy.
Do yon realise that my shoes have been the standard for over
SO years, that I make and sell mora 3.0O, S3.SO and S4.00
shoos than any other manufacturer in the U.S., and that DOL
UK roil DOI.I.AK.I (iUAKANTKK MY8IIOEH to hold their
Shape, look and tit better.and wear longer than any other S3.0O,
S3.SO or 4.00 shoes yon ran buy t Quality connta. It baa
made my shoes TtlR LKADEK8 OP TIIK WORLD.
Yon will be pleased when you buy ray shoes because of tha
Nl won KenuitM without w. 1. tauRluTA Iff si A CI IDeTITI ITS"
i name Mill price 'tamped on Hi bottom. I MfC. PJU SUBSTITUTE
caunoiaupplr yon with W I. Tmil Shos, mit for Mall Order Catalos
W. 1 UOtula. lavs sawk aunt, Urocktaa, Mass.
ilyoui
Household Lubricant
THE ALL-AROUND OIL
i
IN THE HANDY, EVER-READY TIN OILER "
Is specially selected for any need In the
home. Save tools from rusting. Can can
not break. Does not gum or become rancid.
MANUFACTURED BY FOR SALS Sf
Standard oil Compaay ATLANTIC REFINING COMPANY
(Incorporated) (Incorporated)
teilin Erirrwberi
A Realist en Hope.
' William Dean Hewells, discussinf
realism at one of his Sunday after
noons in New York, let fall a neat
epigram on hope.
"Hope," said the famous novelist,
"Is not really, an angel in a dia
phanous robe of white, but only the
wisp of hay held before a donkey'
'nose to make him go."
Capacity.
Knlcker How many will your mo
tor car bold ?
Bocker Five and a cop.
SAVED
FROM AN
OPERATION
ByLydiaE.Pinrdiam's
Vegetable Compound
De Forest, Wia
"After an opera
tion four years ago
I had pains down
ward in both aides,
backache, and a
weakness. The doc
tor wanted me to
have another opera
tion, ItookLycfla E.
Pinkham's vegeta
ble Compound and
I am entirely cared
of my troubles."
Mrs. Augusts YespekilAjjn, De For.
est, Wisconsin,
Another Operation Arolded
New Orleans, La. "For years 1 suf
fered from severe female troubles.
Finally I was confined to my bed and
the doctor said an operation was neces
sary. I gave Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound a trial first, and
was saved from an operation." Mrs.
Lilt Petboux, 1111 Kerlerec St, New
Orleans, La.
Thirty years of unparalleled success
confirms the power of Lydia E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound to cure
female diseases. The great volume of
unsolicited testimony constantly pour
ing in proves conclusively that Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Is
a remarkable remedy for those dis
tressing feminine ills from which so
many women suffer.
If yon want special advice aborrt
your case vf rite to Mrs. Pinkham,
at Lynn, Mass. Her advice la
free, and always helpful.
Constipation
.Vanishes Forever
I Prompt Relief-'Pemaaant Cart
CARTER'S LITTLE
LIVER PILLS
faiL PinrJr Tefal
geauon improve tha eompleuoa bnghaaa
ike eyas. SaaU Pill, Saull Da, Small Mat)
Genuine bmIm Signature
J
"D.Jn of tK!s paper de-
Keaaers
used ia its column should insist apoa
baring what they ask lor, refusing all
substitutes or imitshom.
Constipation
"For over nine years I suffered with chrome
constipation and during this time I had to tsk
an injection of warm water once every 14 hoars
before I could have as action en my bowels.
Happily I tried Cascarets, and today I am a well
man. During the nine years before I ased
Cascarets I suffered untold misery with lateral
piles. Thanks to you, I am free from all thai
this morning. You can rue this In behalf of
suffering humanity. B. F. Fisher, Roanoke, HI.
Pleasant, Palatable, Pormt, Taste Good,
Do Good. Never Sfckea, Weaken or Grip.
10c,25o. 50o. Never sold In bulk. Tha gen
uine tablet stamped C C C. Guaraateedto
euro or your money back. 930
If afflicted
Thompson's Eye Watei
with
ares.
PATENTS
'u.as.v ouuan i itjs, rx ifJSs
hi nUf am M s
tbeum. f Xl aT.vVrn I
Stop after f II'? 1
(Sinner ijgj I
bvukv ar-"