A. TELEGRAPH JOKER,
He Knew What the Crowd Want
ed and Delivered the Goods.
ELECTION RETURNS TO SUIT.
Swung 8tott and National Chairman
Into Llna In Hia Reports and Gava
the Boyt of the Mining Camp the
Tima of Their Uvea.
A funny incident happened on the
lilgbt of the tiAtlonal election of 18IM1
u a little' camp tucked away in the
mountain) of southwestern Colorado,
where the only means of quick com
munication with the world were a sin
gle uncertain telegraph wire and a sin
gle more uncertain telegraph operator
Naturally only l lie merest scraps of
election news reached the camp, hut
before the certain news of McKlnley's
election cuiilil have been got the uncer
tain operator had fallen a victim to his
favorite vice and, further, had fallen
beneath the table.
The only other person who knew any
thing about telegraphy was "Shorty."
the local wit and humorist, who volun
teered to write out the election returns
as they clicked oh" from the telegraph
Instrument. Political sentiment was
aflame lor Krynu. News of his election
was not only sought, but demunded, for
the average American miner is as san
gulue concerning the uncertainties of
politics as he Is concerning the uncer
tainties of mining. The volunteer teleg
rapher was noted for an obliging dis
position. He was the "genial" of the
camp.
The "boy" hud placed stores of
giant powder at various points. They
bad cleaned and oiled their sis shoot
ers and relilled their cartridge belts.
Botitlres were ready to be lighted on
the hillsides, and natural enthusiasm
had been stimulated at the Metro
pole, the Cosmopolitan, the Fashion,
the Troeatlero and less pretentiously
named oases In the desert of mining
camp existence In fact, every pre
liminary to the grandest celebration
the San Juan country ever bad known.
Shorty was not the man to neglect
an opportunity like that. The first
bulletin he banded to the waiting
crowd stated that New Vork and In
diana were in doubt and It looked like
a close elei tlou, with the chances fa
voring Hryan. That whetted the
crowd's keen appetite for returns to
razor edge. The second bulletin sent
their spirits tip with a leap. "Bryan
bus carried Kansas, uiid the Demo
crats are cl.ilming Iowa."
"Whoopee:" from the crowd.
Shorty bent bis ear to the clicking
Bounder and inscribed "Bulletin No. 8
Illinois joins the Bryan column with
fltHKM) ran nr rt I nil In nil rertn n. New
York t'ery close."
When the deafening chorus bad died
down a young member of the party
asked the leader, "Hadn't we better
begin to set off tbe glantV"
Before the leader could answer
Shorty reproved him by word and
look. "Don't go off half cocked," be
aid. "It's always best to wait until
you are st "c. Yon can't be too con
servative In a case like this."
After a long pause, in which tbe
crowd displayed much Impatience, the
Imperturbable and conservative Shorty ,
transcribed bulletin No. 4. but before
passing It out be said:
"Now, boys, don't do anything rash.
.Walt for tbe actual returns."
Bulletin No. 4 read, "Senator Jones
claims Ohio and Pennsylvania for Bry
an." - Under ordinary circumstances a
doubt might bare been expressed con
cerning tbe probability of such states
reversing their political records, but
tbe crowd was convinced of an Im
pending landslide for their favorite
and yelled with delight. "Now we are
beginning to get the news," remarked
Shorty when the cheering ceased, and
be began to write bulletin No. 5 as
follows:
"New York gives Bryan 100.000 plu
rality; Indiana. 40.000. Upturns from
(Wisconsin and Minnesota Indicate
large Democratic gains."
The crowd beard only tbe first sen
tence. Shouting, cheering, yelling,
creaming. It broke for tbe street.
"Hold on!" called Shorty. "Here's
another."
Bulletin No. ti. "Quay concedes Penn- I
ylvaula to Hryan."
Another fragment broke from the
crowd and ran down tbe street shout
ing tbe news. Tbe new operator's pen
dl was traveling rqpldlj over the pa-
gXECUTIUX' NOTICE.
Estate of Jamc-i H. 8pry, Late of Reynolds
vllle Borough. Deceased.
Notice la hereby (riven that letters testa- j
meniary on me estate oi james a. ept-y,
late of Kernoldsvllle borough, county nf
Jeffernoo and state of Pennsylvania, de
ceased, have been granted to tbe undrsivoed.
All persons Indebted to aaid estate are re
quested to make payment, and those having
claims or demands against the same will
make them known without delay.
BL4RCHB H. Bprt, .
8. M. McCrelght, Executrix.
Attorney.
BUFFALO, ROCHESTER
$4.00
NIAGARA FALLS
rta
THREE-DAY
Tuesday, October 19, 1909
Trains Leave FALLS CREEK 2.32 a m.j 1.06 p, m.
per, wnue ma menus and fellow citi
zens crowded closely upon him and
read as be wrote bulletin No. 7, "Mark
El n nun htm locked up Republican head
quarters aud gone home."
The roar of the crowd was drowned
by flie roar of exploding giant powder.
Buildings shook, windows ruttled, ac
companied by the crash of broken
glass. The celebration was on, and
Shorty Mclntyre was alone.
The celebration lusted fur two days.
U'he morning after electlou the regular
operator hod recovered stitllciently tn
transcribe messages announcing Mc
Klnley's victory. Those who were
sober enough to understand them
didn't believe them. After several
warnings of what would happen to
tt I in If be didn't quit "trying to fool
people" the operator desisted and Join
ed In the general jubilation. Not until
the arrival of tbe Denver papers on tbe
second day did that camp awake to a
realization of the outcome of the elec
tion, and then there was not stilllcient
energy left to vent even Indignation
upon Shorty, much less to take re
venge. On the third day the volunteer
operutor was more popular than ever,
for all admitted he had given them the
time of their lives. New York Post
What a Dollar Dog Can Do.
A man lu a nearby city bought for
bis wife nnd child a year ago a dog,
for which he paid a dollar. It was
obviously nothing wonderful in the
canine way merely u mongrel, with
the bulldog strain prcdomlnantf The
owner was a tnau In humble circum
stances, and the dog In his modest
dwelling was the principal asset aside
from a few sticks ot furniture. The
other night Tom was tied to a leg of
the kitchen sink, as usual, and the
family weut to bed. They were awak
ened by the dog at midnight scratch
ing at his master's dour. When his
master enme out to see what was the
matter the dog. with a remnant of
chewed rope hanging from his collar,
whined and ran to the bead of tbe
stairway. The bouse was on lire, and
shortly after wotnuu and child and
man and dog made their escape their
poor dwelling was a mass of glowing
embers. Tbe owner of the 'dog has
been urged to part with him for a
large cash consideration; hut. though
be Is penniless, he will not part with
the four footed savior of his family.
Neither haa tbe dog at any time had
thoughts of leaving them for luxurious
kennels.-New York Times.
' Slaves to the Servants.
"I nm very tired." said the fashion
ably dressed woniuti. "1 have beeu
working diemlfully bard all day. Do
ing what? Why. seeing to my serv
antsworking for them. Didn't you
know that the more servants you have
the harder you must work? Certainly
I have to do nil tbe shopping for my
servants. I have to buy their uni
forms, the caps and aprons of the
molds, the clothing of the housekeeper,
and have to see to the marketing, too
yes, and very often. In spite of the fact
tlint I bnvc a housekeeper. 1 must, or
they will form a combine to rob me of
everything 1 have. The housekeeper
will get a rttkeoff that will enable her
to retire in a few years. Then perhaps
It Is I who must hunt a place as
housekeeper for some one else. Oh.
yes, if you want to keep your poslilon
as mistress of a household of servants
you must keep bustling! You can't af
ford to let the grass grow under your
feet to any great extent."-Xew York
Press.
Ha Got a Hundred.
Sammy's mother talked to him long
and earnestly about the poor murks he
bad been getting In bis work at school.
She painted In alluring colors tbe ca
reer of tbe little boy who studies bis
lessons and gains the love and respect
of bis teachers. She went even far
ther. She promised him (bat if be got
good marks she would give blm a
whole dime all for his own. Sammy
seemed Impressed.
That afternoon he returned from
school fairly dancing with Joy.
"Oh. mother," he shouted. "I got a
hundred:"
"Sammy!" cried bis delighted moth
er. She bugged hlin and kissed blm
and. petted him and gaye blm the
dime.
"And what did you get a hundrnd
in?" she finally asked.
"In two things." replied Sammy
without hesitation. "I got forty in
readln and sixty In speUIn'." Every
body's Magazine.
Musical Note.
"now do yiu sell your music?" asked
the prospective customer.
"It depends on tbe kind you want,"
replied the smart clerk. "We sell piano
music by the pound and organ music
by the choir."
i -A Blowing Up.
' "Now, Willie," sold the teacher to a
small pupil, "can you tell me what
dynamite Is used for?"
"Yes, ma'am, answered Willie. "It's
used to blaspheme things with." Chi
cago News.
-PITTSBURGH RY.
EXCURSION;
EARTHQUAKES.
O-ert ShorAn Alr-ott Always Followed
by After 8hocke,
Although seismologists have not yet
succeeded In llnding out any menus of
definitely predicting the occurrence of
an eaiihipinke. they tire very hopeful
of dually arriving at this desired goal,
and already they can discern danger
by the pulsations which are always
gently agitating the surface of the
earth. A sudden cessation of these
heart heats Is a danger signal, extreme
silliness Invariably preceding an earth
luake, whereas constant tremors are a
good sign.
A great earthquake Is almost always
followed by weaker ones, and when If
Is violent nnd destructive the nuiiilier
uf minor shocks following It may
amount to hundreds or even thousands
and continue for several months or
years.
The occurrence of after shocks Is
nulte natural and necessary fur the set
tling down Into stable equilibrium of
the disturbed tract ut the origin of dis
turbance, each of these shocks remov
ing an unstable or weak point under
neath. Further, as n very great shock would
remove a correspondingly great under
ground Instnlilllty It is probable that
such a shock would not for a long
lime be followed by another of a mag
nitude comparable to Its own in the
same or a neighboring district.
When, however, the Initial shock is
not very great It may be followed by
another like It. but even In this case
the position of the origin of the second
shock would usually be quite distinct
from that of the Ilrst.-Wlde World
Magazine.
A CAMEL STORY.
Foiled In Ita Revenge, the Animal
Committed Suicide.
Some years ago It chanced that a
valuable camel working in an old mill
In Africa was severely benten by its
driver, who. perceiving that tbe camel
bad treasured up the Injury and was
only waiting a favorable opportunity
for reveuge, kept a strict watch upon
tbe animal. Time passed away. Tbe
camel, perceiving that It was watched,
was quiet aud obedient, and tbe driver
began to think that tbe beating was
forgotten.
One night after a Inpse of several
months the man, who slept on a rais
ed platform In the mill, while, ns is
customary, the camel was stalled lu a
corner, happening to remain awake,
observed by the bright moonlight that
when all was quiet the animal looked
cautiously around, rose softly . nnd.
stealing over toward a spot where a
bundle of clothes aud a buruoose,
thrown carelessly on the ground, re
sembled a sleeping figure, cost Itself
with violence upon them, rolling with
all Its weight and tearing them most
Viciously with Its teeth. ....
Satisfied that Its .revenge was com
plete, tbe camel was returning to Its
corner when the driver sat up and
spoke. At tbe sound of his vol e and
perceiving the mistake It had mude
tbe animal was so mortified at the fail
ure and discovery of Its scheme that it
dashed its bead against the wall and
died on the spot. Sheffield Telegraph.
Lavender.
How many of those wbo delight in
the odor of fresh sweet lareuder ever
tblnk bow the plant came by Its sooth
ing uunie? Back be must go in Imag
ination to the clean old Komaus aud
their cult of the batb. Lavender found
bigb fnvor wltb tbem to perfume their
baths, and it was they wbo called It
lavaudula, tbe root of tbe name being
the Latlu lavare to wash. In olden
days, too, lavender leaves were an im
portant Ingredient in tbe making of
precious spikenard ointment. Although
we regard lavender as so peculiarly
English a plant owing to Its extensive
cultivation in tbe borne counties and
Its associations wltb our English homes
and gardens, it was not. as a matter of
fact. Introduced to this country until
tbe sixteenth century, when it came
from France with the Huguenot set
tlers. Tbe itomaus did not apparently
bring it to ns when they gave us our
fine roads. Westminster Gazette.
- - ' p
"An Old Sheep."
A Bengali clerk wbo bad been trans
ferred at bis own request from my
office to another government office in
Calcutta was anxious to return and
wrote to me personally on the subject.
Although uot a Christian himself, be
wns evidently acquainted with the fa
miliar lines of Bonar's bywn:
I was a wandering sheep.
1 did not love the fold.
This Is bow he applied them to bis
own case. "It Is true 1 have wandered
from tbe fold that is. the director
general's office but 1 trust that your
honor will be merciful and receive
back an old sheep." "Stray Stories
From India." by Sir Arthur Fanfchawe;
In Blackwood's Magazine.
A Frank Woman.
A woman gave another woman ber
photograph, and the recipient. Instead
of saying. "I will treasure it always."
refused to accept It. "It means only
one more thing to be dusted," she said
"If I have it out on the table it be
comes a nuisance, and If I put it out
of sight you will be offended. More
over, every day that passes it will be
come a little more old fashioned and a
little more of a caricature. I won't
have it" Atchison Globe.
Much Rather.
"She says she'd rather waltz than
eat."
' "Well, she'll find plenty of men wh
wonld rather sign a dance program
than a dinner check."-Exchange. '
Content uient gives a crown where
fortune hath denied It. -Ford
THE TAX ON SALT.
One ef tho Things That Started the
Frenoh Revolution.
Before the French revolution the
government established warehouses at
which tbe Inhabitants were compelled
to purchase their stores of salt. These
warehouses were numerous in some
provinces and few In others; but,
whether sufficient or Insufficient for
the needs of the population, they were
ofteu situated at a considerable dis
tance from the towns and villages,
whose Inhabitants hud lo trudge miles
along bad roads to buy their salt.
But this was not all. It was pre
scribed by law that the head of every
family must lay In his stock of salt not
at such times as might suit his own
convenience, but on one slated day In
the year. Should he fall In this ob
servance he wns lined, and he was also
fined If he purchased a smaller quan
tity than the law prescribed.
His hardships did not stop even
there. On making his annual purchase
he had to stale the different purposes
for which he Intended to use the salt
during the ensuing year, and lu the
event of j4ss being discovered salting
bis soup instead of his pork according
to his statement or his pork Instead of
his soup on the day he had named he
was also liable to a fine. His kitchen
was never secure from the Intrusion of
the Inspecting officer, nnd woe to the
housewife wbo was detected In any
petty Infraction of this Inw.
WONDERFUL ROCK GARDEN. .
Englishman Has a Three Aora Repro
duction of the Matterhorn.
The largest rock gurden In England
Is that of Sir Frank Crisp nt Frlor
Park, Henley. It is a faithful repro
duction of the Mntterhorn on a scare of
about three acres. Seven thousand
tons of limestone were brought from
Yorkshire to mnke It.
Tbe snow capped peak is represent
ed by quartz. Below it are thousands
upon thousands of alpine flowers grow
ing lo pockets between tbe rocks aud
filling every chink in the trails that
ascend tbe mountain. There must be
200 different species in bloom at once.
At the base of tbe mountain, says
Country Life In America. Is a minia
ture Swiss chalet, where one may sit
and enjoy the scene, comparing all tbe
main features wltb a little bronze mod
el of the Mfitlernhorn which Kir Frunk
bud made for the entertainment ut
bis guests. A brook courses dowu the
mountain side, und Just before It
reaches the chalet It forms u pretty
cascade und then spreuds out at your
feet Into a miniature lake decorated
wltb pygmy water lilies aud richly
margined with pinks, primroses, gen
tians and other ulplue (lowers.
A Good Laugh Is Good For the Health.
Look at the lough lu whatsoever
light you will, whether you see it us
the deliverer from the bondage to out
grown notions; a schoolmaster with
the sharp switch of ridicule to teach us
manners; un apostle ot democracy, pro
claiming that we are all of tbe same
clay, made uf It and to return to It
but every lump of it holding some
sparkle of tbe divine fire, and woe be
tide tbe man that tries to make us
think that be is of different stuff: Look
at tbe laugb. 1 say, In any light you
choose, aud you will see that It is not
so much tbe downfa'll and confusion of
the laughed at that makes us happy,
that Joggles our waistbands aud seuds
the ba-ba spouting out. that pumps
tbe blood aloug tbe sluggish veins,
massaging tbe interior works and re
placing tbe shopworn stock of air wltb
a new consignment, as it is tbe sud
den, sharp. Intense realization of our
personal well belng.-Eugene Wood In
Success Magazine.
Harlem In New York.
In an early charter of what is now
New York occurs tbe name of Lancas
ter. That is what Hnrlem used to be
called. It comprised the territory mi
Manhattan Island north ot a line drawn
from tbe foot of East Seventy-fourth
street to the foot of Manhattan street.
The real Harlem village was a settle
ment collected within a radius of a
quarter of a mile from One Hundred
and Twenty-rourth street and Third
avenue. Today the name Harlem Is
applied to the whole territory north of
One Hundred aud Tenth street,, east
and west. After tbe name Lancaster
was. eliminated tbe village was called
NIeuw Haarlaem.-New York Press.
New Kind of Setter.
Little Oscar, aged five, bad a dog
wbicb was almost always to be found
behind tbe stove In the kitchen. Oscar
once visited at a bouse, wbere there
were two fine dogs. Tbe master of tbe
house told blm that they were Irish
setters. Tbe little" fellow, who was
very fond of bis pet answered quickly.
"Mine is a kitchen setter." Delineator.
Batter Than Ever.
Mary Backstoop Did be tell you life
wltb him would be one grand, aweet
song? Maudie Sidestreet No. He said
it would be one grand, beveled, aweet
toned, silver coated, indestructible pho
nograph record. Puck.
, Getting On,
Father And how are you getting on
at school, Johnny Johnny Ob, 1
have learned to say "Thank you" and
"If you please" in French. Father
That's more than you ever learned in
Engllsn.
Not Quit a Sponge.
Percy Skltts Is a sponge a perfect
sponge.
"Ob, no! When a sponge absorbs
anything, by squeezing It you can get
It again." Detroit Free Press. '
Self Is tbe first object of charity.
Latin Proverb.
Cotton Holds Wrinkles
Wool Holds Style
i,
You don't care what your clothes are 1
made of all you want is the result.
If somebody could invent a way to
make more lasting and more stylish
clothes out of part cotton than out of
pure wool, you would prefer the cotton.
Clothcraft
All-Wool Clothes
But the facts, as you know,
are that part cotton clothes hold
wrinkles and keep shabby while
clothes of pure wool hold style and '
keep shapely.
Clothcraft Clothes are pure wool
there's a Signed Guarantee in
each suit. And they sell at the
Bing-Stoke Co.
1
Rf YNOLDSVILLE
JOB WORKED
of all kinds promptly done at
THE
PITTSBURG
Now Open and De
lighting Thousands
from Pennsylvania,
Ohio & W.Virginia
Don't MIm the GiMtaat ladsttrlal
Sbw la a Sm ef Yan
Instantaneous hit of the
Thrilling Naval Spectacle,
showing tha historic battle
between the Ironclads
MONITOR
AND
1YIERRI1YIAC
The show that was the talk
of the Alaska-Yukon
Exposition
In tbe Hippodrome
The Greatest
Russian Symphony Orchestra. Sept I to H
Pryor and hit Band, Sept D to IS
Dunrosch and his Orchestra. Sept 20 to 23
r
same prices as part-cotton clothes.
They art the ONLY clothes at
these prices that are Guaranteed pure
wool.
As soon as enough people find
out about these clothes, we won't
be able to get enough from the
factory to supply the demand.
Who Gets
The Difference ?
llf your bank payi you only two per
cent on your deposit you are losing one
hundred per cent on your income.
ajlf your bank pays you only three per
cent, you are losing thirty-three and one
third per cent
Because this bank pays four per cent
interest compounded every six months on
all savings and time accounts of any size.
You can Bank by Mail with I Atlc for Free Booklet J.E.
ut aa easily aa in person it explain everything
Capital and Surplus, $10,000,000.00
"In Capita and Surplus, there is Strength."
TtGLALlRV5TfoMPAY)
(SAVINGS BANK)
317 Fourth Ave. 314 to 318 Diamond St
PITTSBURGH, PA.
lUaLui;
taMSJMMsK'
EVERY WOMAN1
Who manage! a home la Interested In the ,
beat cooking appliance that can be made.
PRIZER'S
STOVES
are the result ot th best experience and
materials.
They contain advantages not found In other.
If von want a mod baker and a Derfect
roaster without taking any chance buy
Prlier's.
We claim for them what wa can prove
no more.
Guaranteed-your money back If not satisfied.
HARDWARE CO.
STAR OFFICE
E
X
P
o
s
Archaeolog
ical Exhibit
with its wonderful relict,
taken from Blennerhaaeet
Island, attracting widespread
interest.
Irrigation
Another new and interesting
exhibit
Wonder Compelling Electri
cal and Mechanical Displays
MOVING PICTURES
FERRIS WHEEL
MERRY-GO-ROUND
TRIP ON STEAMER
SUNSHINE
Fun for Everybody
Busle Casters
o
N
Soosa and hit Band, . Sept 27 to Oct 2
Theodora Thomas Orchestra. Oct 4 to
United States Marina Band. . Oct H to 23
J