I
PURPLE
Br aunt
A'praHy WatAVfl rose en day
Era day began to glow,
And in the amber brook wmW ent
Her lilac calico,
(all in tha morning and the dew
I A youth ctmi riding by,
And nf her on tall green Diua
. Hang np tha drea to dry.
EVERT INCH A HAN
(OW she ever came to Join
the society was as grout a
mystery to herself ns to her
friends. Of course, a lov
ers' quarrel was nt the bot
tom of It all. But even
(then, for a young and attractive girl
bf twenty-three to Join the Spinsters'
Society, and adopt the tows of eternal
ieellbacy like the rest of Its members,
pvhose ages gave them some excuse for
to doing, was an admittedly extraor
dinary proceedfag.
i IWhen Sibyl Cathcnrt found herself
tally Installed into the sisterhood of the
(Spinsters' Society, she began to rum
inate as to whether, after nil, she had
acted wisely. True, he had been seen
leaving the theatre with another worn
tin, and what made matters worse was
the fact that the other woman .was
young and pretty. Rumor bad it, too,
that be had been seen to publicly kiss
the other woman at the railway sta
tion. So Sibyl, wltb the usual im
petuosity of her sex, sat down immedi
ately and penned a short and formal
note giving him the conge, no de
manded an explanation, first in person
and then by letter. She refused to
pee him when he called, and upon re
ceiving his letter, tore it up and then
cried over the fragments.
' But once she had set ber hand to the
plow she did not Intend to go back. All
She other members, to the number of
eventeen, were at least a quarter of
a century older than herself, despite
jthelr allegations to the contrary, and
their business aptitudes were not bril
liant The pretentious building In
(Which many of the members dwelt,
and which was recognized as the so
ciety's headquarters, required Judicious
knanagement, in view of the small
mount of money forthcoming for the
purpose. One day Sibyl found herself
In the presence of her chlcftalness.
"My dear," began Miss Tabbs, as she
surveyed the girl from over her spocta
jcles, "do you think you could become
pne of us altogether? I mean, could
you come and live on the premises, for
Instance?"
? "I I think so," Sibyl replied doubt
lully, well aware that her friends
(would think her more eccentric than
aver.
t "Now that is nice of you! Well, the
tact of the matter is that Miss Frank
lin has come to the conclusion thnt the
position of secretary to the society en
tails more work than she can under-
Kke, and if you will, we want you to
ke her place. You are young and en-
Cgetlc, and with all due deference to
Us Franklin, I might say that you
jwould be able to manage the society's
fcmall Income more beneficially to our
Selves. You must know, my dear, that
the greed for money of the opposite sex
la horrible, and unfortunate creatures
lke ourselves are therefore robbed of
what Justly belongs to us. Yon will,
M course, have your board and lodg
ings for nothing and a grant of 8 per
annum. Will yon accept the post?"
( "Certainly. With pleasure."
"That Is good of you. But mind, yon
anust do your utmost to thwart the
tna china tions of theoproslte sex. Never
patronise a tradesman, or any business
conducted by a man, and if yon ever
Snd that either of the servants has a
follower, sack her, my dear, sack her
immediately I"
At this point a gray-haired lady, any-
luung but prepossessing in appearance.
(entered the room, and was greeted by
BUBS TODDS.
f "Ah! here you are, Miss Franklin,
fcllss Oathcart has promised to act as
ecretary from thla day forward, and I
tiave Just been giving her a few wrin
kles.''
rrnank you so much, dearie," tc-
ponded the ex-secretary kindly. "But
Go you know what has happened? The
landlord has come himself for the. rent
Bvnat are we to doT We have no
money, and the rent is months over-
flue."
"How fearful to be in the bands of
srach a money -grabbing brute!" inter
posed Miss Tabbs.
"Men were always brutes!" volun
leered Miss Franklin.
6ibyl thought the same and remained
anient
"But where la he now?" asked Miss
Tabbs.
"Oh, he's on the doorstep. I spoke to
allm through the letter box. I could
Hot have the house polluted with his
presence inside. It's bad enough for
the neighbors, knowing our principles
as they do, to see htm here at all. He
ays he must have the rent at ouce, or
bailiff will be put in. Think of it!
iaV male bailiff here here!"
1 .wis. c ranium was perilously near
(fainting, and her tears .were running
East.
"Shall I go and try and reason with
tdffil" asked Sibyl, by way of putting
an end to a painful scene.
l- "Oh, if yon would be so kiad; but bv
aura ana treat bub Ilka an animal,
LILACS.
IRTIKO,
A look, a wor4, away
They went by tower and town,
Sha followed him acrom tha eea.
And eo forgot her gown.
Look yonder by the garden gate,
Its flowery purple, ace.
Jj hanging where aha left it yet)
Upon tha lilac-tree.
LippincoU a, '
at least ns an Inferior, because he's a
man, you know."
Sibyl ran down stairs and threw open
the door. She bad lutcuded asking his
business in a civil but tlrm maimer,
Instead she drew back with a start
"Sibyl!"
"Jack-Sir. Alllngham!'
"I henrd of your escapade, and that
is why I came in person, though I
did not expect the pleasure of meeting
you."
He held out his hand, and she turned
away contemptuously.
"You nre spying upon me," she cried,
her anger rising. "How dure you come
here Mm this?"
"You forget the bouse is my own.
"Oh er so it is. You want tho
rent? I am afraid we cannot pay you
Just yet. If you will give us time, a
few days, or "
In a few days, nay, in a few hours
the bailiffs will be in unless the rent
paid nt ouce," ho replied, firmly.
'But Ja Mr. Altlugbam, you would
not be so cruel?"
Cruel? Were you never cruel?
What was my fault and how much
mercy did you show me? Now it is
my turn, and no mercy will I give.
Can your companions or whatever
they call themselves pay me now?'1
"No, they cannot."
"Very well. Good morning.
He turned away and she slammed
the door.
"What did he say?" asked Miss
Tabbs, anxiously, when she entered
the room.
"ne la every inch a man!" replied
Sibyl, significantly.
II.
Before two more days had passed
the Spinsters' Society were acquainted
with the worst The members were
not afraid of the opposite sex, nntagO'
nlstic though they might be, but they
had to acknowledge a terror of the
low. When one morning the house
maid answered a knock at the door,
the landlord promptly pushed himself
into the hall. Ho was accompanied
by a man, who held in one hand a
brown paper parcel and an oUlcIal
document in the other.
"Good morning. Miss Cathcart," be
said, ns she came out to meet him
You expected me, of course?"
"I don't understand you."
"Really? There is nothing much to
understand. I am. in fact, my own
bailiff, and only immediate payment of
the rent will prevent my being quar
tered upon you. Tbls gentleman here
will prove the truth of my assertions,
as he represents the law. Just run
over this paper, please."
"You brute!" she ejaculated.
"Sorry to inconvenience you very
A debt's a debt you know. But 1
don't think you'll find mo a very trou
Diesome tenant I shall come at 0 in
the morning and leave at 0 in the even
ing, until the money is paid. That
parcel, Jenkins, please," ho added to
the man, and discharged htm.
The girl hid her face in ber hands
and burst into tears.
'1 always knew you were a coward!"
she sobbed. "And now you've proved
1L"
i nqpe not If I come as mv own
Damn: you should congratulate your
self upon having escaped so Hghtlr.
for a commoner man might have made
his presence Intolerable. And besides.
I have brought my own food, which no
ordinary bailiff would have done."
a he bursting of this bomb in tho
headquarters of the Spinsters' Society
(ua not tend to draw the members to
ward the male sex, oud Immediate
steps were taken to realize the money,
matter or some difficulty.
"it's nothing short of a scandal."
piped Miss Tabbs, between fits of hys-
lencui weeping, wnen the news was
conveyed to her. "It will be tho talk
of the neighborhood. If it had been
a commoner man it would huva hpn
different but him! And to have to
cook bis mutton chops ugh!"
"And be stands in the doorway for
ten minutes wiping bis boots so that
the neighbors slinll see him enter!'
gasped Miss Franklin, to tho groans of
the other members.
But the calamity fell more severely
upon the bead of Sibyl, though no one
dared to imagine that she had once
nearly become tho wife of the ob
noxious Individual. Her one thought
now. as she sat lu tho little study set
opart for her own use, was how to get
nu or him. Giving open battle only
ended in signal defeat therefore, why
not try strategy? He had always been
swayed by her Influence, so, perhaps,
might be still amenable to persuasion.
And she could continue to hate him
all the same. The experiment at any
rate, was worth trying.
She rose to put her plans Into exe
cution, when the two domestics entered
without knocking. They were dressed
in their outdoor things and appeared
anything but pleasantly disposed to
ward her.
"We're coin', miss." mid tha cook. I
shortly. , ;
"Going? Where?"
'Ome; anywheres ent of thla 'era
ouse. We b'aln't agotn' to run all over
the place for a taan like that an'
knowln' there's no wage for us. Yoa
be all as poor as church mice, an the
funniest set of females as we've a-seen,
barrln yourself, miss. Our chaps is
waltiu' for us outside, so wiv our best
respects to you, miss, we'll git out."
"Are my chops ready?" came a voles
from the dining room.
' 'Ark at "im." said the cook. Then
putting her head outside the door she
shouted: "Yes, your chops be ready
an' waltln', an gettln' cold, an' may
go bnd afore we brings 'era to you, you
great lanky bounder!"
"Silence!" commanded Sibyl. "Yon
may go at once, and your wages will
be sent to you. We do not keep money
in tho house."
So that bloke seems to think. Well,
good-riny to you, miss. An' mind you
don't fall In love with that bewitchln'
youns man."
With this parting shaft the servants
withdrew, and Sibyl, having seen them
off the premises, entered the dlulng
room.
"Good morning, Jack," she said
pleasantly.
'Jack, eh? Why, yesterday It was
nothing but Mr. Alllngham. with plenty
of emphasis on the 'Mr.' Want to ask
favor, I suppose."
"Now, Jack, why will you be so hor
rid?'
"It must be a legacy I got from you.
The same term might be very well ap
plied to your treatment of me, mightn't
it?"
"Oh, I don't know. You see I had
reason."
"A reason? What reason?"
"Don't stnnd there and pretend you
don't know," she retorted. "You never
went to the theatre with another
woman. I suppose, and you never
kissed ber nt the railroad station, did
you? And a pretty woman, too a
pretty woman, I repeat and I nm not
pretty."
"But pardon mo, you nre very pretty,
especially when you're angry. Yes,
I have been to the theatre with another
woman, and kissed ber at the railway
station my sister-in-law!"
"What do you mean?"
"George's wife. You've heard me
speak of my brother George, who's in
Australia. He was home some months
ago with his young bride. We all
three went to the theatre, and oh! I
see it now. You ha! ha! thought It
was some one else!"
He dropped into a clialr in a fit of
laughing. "You thought I was flirting
with another woman?' he sold, at
length.
'Of course. Any one would have
thought so," she replied, crestfallen at
the absurdity of her blunder.
'But, you silly thing, why didn't you
find out before you became so unreaS'
onable? And are you still cross with
me?"
"Xo not very."
"Then atone for it all by leaving
these stupid companions of yours, and
prove that you do uot agree with their
views by marrylug me me, the ball-
Iff!"
Ho bent down and kissed her as she
did not reply.
"Miss Cathcnrt!" came a shrill voice,
"Here comes the old bens," he said.
"No, you shan't get away, so don't
struggle."
Miss Tabbs peered through the open
door and dropped Into one of the hall
chnlrs preparatory to fainting. Her
shriek of "Murder!" brought all the
other occupants to the spot in an in
stant prepared for tho worst.
'Now, then, my good ladles," said
Alllngham, coming forward. "Don't
get hysterical. I have a right to claim
any tiling in tho bouse for tho debt
owing, so have decided to claim Sibyl
and write 'paid' across the account
She's going to be my wife."
i "Wife! The vixen, the sly little rat
the "
"Yes, we quarrelled some time ago,
but now she a forgiven me and I've for.
given her, though I don't know .why 1
should," he added. Jocosely.
"Because," she answered, with eyes
full of Joyful tears, "because, you old
dear, you're every inch a man." The
Penny Flctorlal Magazine.
Falle.
"It Is true thnt somnambulists and
drunkards, wheu they fall, are uot so
apt to hurt themselves as you or I," an
actor said. "There is a reason for this,
too.
"The reason lies in a certain perfect
limpness or relaxation of the muscles,
that accompanies the fall of somnam
bulists and drunkards. They fall un
consciously, without fear. They make
no convulsive effort and strain to save
themselves.
"To fall in this limp, relaxed way Is
to fall without injury. Limpness, re
laxation, is the secret of successful
stage falling'. I can stand erect and
crash down on my back like a log of
wood or a ton of coal, and I suffer no
hurt because I let myself go because
every part of me is relaxed, limp,
loose. The frantic effort to save our
selves Is what makes our full dlsas'
trous. The absence of this effort, cow
sclous in the actor and unconscious in
the drunkard and somnambulist
is
what niukes their falls harmless."-
Siberian Kxporta of Butter,
From $12,052,000 to $15,573,000 worth
of 'butter is now exported from Siberia
or more than twice the value of the
wheat export of 1000, the last favor
able harvest year. The Siberian cow
yields little milk, but the quality is
notable for richness. About nineteen
pounds of milk in winter and twenty'
two in summer aro sutflcteut to make a
pound of butter, while in Denmark
twenty-eliiut pound are needed.
J I 1 M TJLJ J.i ID
MS DEADLY EXPLOSIVE
oHlMOSE DID TERRIBLE DAMAGE
IN THE CHEMULPHO
FIGHT.
JL.i. 8 i i i X
33
HERTS has been much de
bate on the question as to
whether the projectiles
which caused so muny
casualties among the crew
of tlie Russian cruiser Varlag off
Cbemulpho, nt the outbreak of the
iwnr were shrnpnel or high explosive
shells. .The Russians aro divided In
opinion. The French and Italian offi
cers aboard the1 cruisers rascal and
IMlia nre of the opinion that little it
any shrapnel was used. The British
olflcers who were nlmnrd the Talbot
think thnt most of the havoc was due
to shrapnel.
Dr. Wndn, chief surgeon of the Ja
panese Navy, has given a correspond
ent the following details In regard to
shlmosf, the secret explosive used by
the Japanese. Dr. Wnda had twenty
four of the worst enses after they bad
been aboard the Fascal for four days
and where most of the fragments had
already been extracted. He extracted
some more fragments, nil of which be
sold were "undoubtedly parts of high
explosive shells."
'The doctqr showed a parcel contain
Ing fragments extracted from one man.
The largest piece was two Inches long
and half an inch wide at the greatest
point. It was shaped like an arrow,
The next two pieces rore about tho
sice of hnzel nuts. The other frag
ments, numbering 120, ranged in size
from a pin head to a full grown pen.
An examination of the largest piece
showed that the outer walls of the
shell were not more than threc-clghths
of an inch and that It .was fired from
nothing smaller than a six-Inch gun.
The inference is that nothing but the
best of steel can be used to stand the
rs-esmire on the bore of the gun. Noth
ing but a high explosive could smash
a strong steel shell into such minute
fragments.
Dr. Wndn in operating on twelve
sailors did not find a larger fragment
than the one described. There were
no indications of shrapnel. He de
scribed how on decks mado slippery
with blood he saw small bits of flesh
and bone scattered everywhere. He
stumbled over an arm here nnd a lei
there. He snw men with their abdo
mens carried away-and the flesh torn
off their bodies. Nothing but a high
explosive shell, he said, could have
caused such effect.
The wounds caused by such a shell
were no worse than those resulting
from old-fashioned shells or shrapnel.
If a man was lucky enough not to be
killed be had a very good chance of
getting off unhurt or with very slight
wounds, but they were meant to kill.
Tho doctor continued:.
"Two sailors stood on the bridge
With Capt. Rudlneff, Count NIrod and
a petty officer. One of the new shells
struck the petty officer. The new
shells nre provided wllh fuses and
tnke effect not only on contact with
water, but with parts of the rlcclnc.
living 'men, even clothing In fact,
wherever the resistance- is sufficient
to alter the speed ever so little. The
shell referred to exploded nnd blew the
petty officer to atoms. There was ab
solutely nothing found of him after
ward. Count Nirod. who was stand
ing next to him. was nlso blown to
pieces, only one arm being found after
wnrd. The two sailors stood a little
way off. The explosion tore nil the
flesh from the lower pnrts of their
legs, which had to be nniputnted nf-
terwnrd. Capt. Rudlneff was still
littlo further off and escaped with
slight wounds In the head.
"In old shells the fragments nre
meant to kill or wound. The explosive
Is there merely to burst the shell nnd
give additional impetus to tho frag'
ments. In tho new shell tho explosive
Itself is meant to kill. Tho function
of the shells Is simply to convey the
explosive to the desired spot."
Dr. adn said he ciid not know the
limits in which the new shell kills or
wounds seriously. But the Instance
described above proves that It Is not
very large. Referring vo the numerous
cases of suppuration of wounds caused
by pieces of clothing entering with
the fragments of a shell. Dr. Wadn
suggested that the Government should
make a new rule in the navy that
whenever a fight is expected every
man shall have his body .veil washed
nnd his clothing disinfected, ne con
Unucd:
"Hnppily It Is the rule of our men
In the nrmy and navy always to co
Into battle in the newest and cleanest
uniform. This is not for saultnry con
slderations. but It works tho right way
aii we same." ew lork Sun,
Nothing Loaf.
"They take tremendous precautions
at the mltit so that no specie shall be
lost," said an Englishman, with a rem
lnisceuce of an nrtlclo he hud been
reading on the subject "Everv scnin
of refuse Is burned in ordei- tiiat not
the slightesa vestige of metal shall bo
wasted. The working clothes of th
men are burned, too, when they are
worn out, and they even burn the
carts which are used In currying the
minion to the mint.
"Well," said the American In the cor
ncr, contemplating his cigar. "I guess
we go one better than that in our Ira
mortal country. We burn the refuse
and the clothes and the carts. Yes,
sir, we do all that, and what is more,
when a man dies who Las worked there
we have blra cremated." Then they
talked about the weather. London
fun.
LABORER TO MILLIONAIRE IN A DAT
Career, Well Kith TJ approachable, at
Mexico's Mlcheel Man.
As a profession mining offers mors
chances for sudden wealth than any
other, snd this Is exemplified in the
case of a Mexican miner, Fedro Ai-
vnrdo, who owes a mine at Farral, In ,
the State of Chiienuanun. He is bdoui
fifty years old, and comes from the
peon, or lowest laboring class, the
ability of whose members to write
their own names Is remarkable. For
years tbls man was a mine laborer,
working for fifty cents (Mexican sliver)
a day; illiterate, unthinking and In com.
mon with the rest of his kind, he had
no ambition beyond the making of
enough nioney to keep body and soul
together.
He was known to be hard working,
but he had no more thrift or foresight
than the other peons, and In conse
quence his taking up of a small piece
of property three years ngo with the
Intention of sinking a shaft was a
standing Joke in the neighborhood. Ho
borrowed enough money to work bis
property in a small way. but being
what bo was. his credit did not buhl
for very long, and It was on the last
day before the mortgage would have
been foreclosed thnt be made a strike
that gave him a position that is
unique.
The vein of gold and silver ore thnt
he found turned him In a day from a
peon to a millionaire many times over,
and the results have been spectacular
and interesting, The wealth of his
mine, with Its present development, is
fabulous, the average ore taken out
assaying in tho neighborhood of 12,-
000 a ton, although one shipment of
three carloads wrs mode some time
ngo thnt brought him n profit of $000,.
000 a car, this ore being so rich that
the nntive sliver could be cut from It
with a pocket knife.
After the discovery there was natu
rally a change in Alvardo's methods
of living, nnd ho started the building
of nn enormous nnd gorgeuos house.
which, true to his blood, be placed lti
the centre of tho poorest part of the
town, where It Is surrounded by the
mud and thatched huts of bis old
friends. Until It is finished he will
continue to live In a mud shack, where
he has no less than five pianos, al
though of course neither he nor his
wife has the slightest ldiyt of what to
do with them.
Alvardo Is not Inclined to keep his
good fortune to himself, and has a pen
sion list among those he worked beside
in bis laboring days that amounts to
more than $20,000 a month, while dur.
Ing the Christinas tc.-.rs Tt is tfls cus
tom to load a wagon with silver dollar,
which he.personnlly distributes through
the poorer pnrts of the town. He Is
Intensely patriotic, and a year ago
made a proposition to the Mexlcon Gov.
ernment to pay the national debt,
nnd undoubtedly would have tried to
do so had not Finance Minister
Llmnntour felt th.it It was for the best
Interests of the country to decline the
offer. Alvnrdo Is very proud of his
position, and so jenloiu of bis Interests
that he has surrounded his property
with n high wall, within which he will
permit none but his own people to
enter. Leslie's Weekly.
Female Flaliliawk Guarded lfer Mate,
Complaints aro made of the shooting
nnd attempted shooting of flshhnwks
In the town of Bristol, nnd people
near whose homes the hnwks nest are
very much Incensed because of the
killing of one fishhawk recently, on
tho land of Dr. II. M. Howe nt Ferry
Hill, nnd tho wounding of nnother of
the birds on the shore, near the resi
dence of Edward Anthony.
Mr. Anthony noticed the wounded
bird near his home tho last of the
week wltb a wound in its throat
and the breast feathers covered with
blood. It wus nlono for a couple of
days, its mate not having arrived. As
soon as tho female bird cr.me from tho
South, it caught fish nnd fed the
wounded bird until the wound im
proved. '
The bird shot nt (Tnd wounded, which
la nearly over its hurt, Mr. An"hony
claims is the same hawk wounded in
the wing by a rifle ball thirty years
ago. Ho recognizes the stiffness In
the wing thnt was wounded, year after
year. Providence Journal.
Sharks In Europe,
Superstitious people, If any such re
main, will probably hold that It Is as
a portent of the war that sharks have
again appeared in the Bultlc Sea, after
an absence of nearly 150 years. Sharks
are still to be met with In tho Medit
erranean, but In the northern seas we
have long been rid of them. Aut ftow
fishermen report thnt In the narrows
of the Cattegut and the Belt these dan.
gerous fish are once moro to be seen,
and that they follow the bouts to at
tack the nets as they are being hauled
In. It is also said that some of tho
fishermen huve bad narrow escapes of
their lives. There ore shoals of
sharks In tho North Sea and along the
coasts of (Jermany nnd Norway they
are to bo found lu considerable num
ber. What Shape la the Moon T
According to the teachings of ad
vanced modern astronomy, it is a mis
take to suppose that the shape of tho
moon Is similar to that of the eurih.
It Is believed nowadays that tts moou
is a perfect ellipse, it.s llgure being
nearly exactly one-third longer than
It is broad. This elliptical theory of
our satellite's shape Is founded ou the
well-known fact that a certain side
(end, rather) of the moon Is always
presented to our view. This Is causi'd
by tho moon revolving once on her
axis in exactly the same period of
time that she revolves around the
earth. Her elongated shape wus prob
ably caused by the attraction of the
earth when both planets were young
and soft.
Humor of
Alt Correct.
An antiseptic baby lived on antiseptil
milkj ....
Hie clothrj were antmplic, made of sot
peptic silk.
In antineptic carriages he rode, with time
to apare.
IIo had an antiaeptic nurse, breathed anH
aeptic airj
And though ii i ion thi mundnne sphere ha
did not long abide,
They plared him in an antiacptio coffin
when he dieJ.
Smart Set.
Its Drawhark,
"Education Is a great thing,"
"Yes, It turns out some mighty Intel
ligent criminals." Life.
F-xprnalTe Kninent.
ratlenre 'How do you know
her
love for him was strong?"
Patrice "Because It broke hlra."
Xonkers Statesman.
Aiiitilffitottn.
Jack Nervey "I'm going to kiss you
.when I leave this house to-night."
May Kutely "Leave the bouse this
Instant, sir!" Philadelphia Press,
Mother Itnrth,
"I wonder why people always speak
ef Earth as she?"
"It's natural enough. Nobody knows
exactly what her age Is." Philadel
phia Ledger.
After.
She "Ah, you men! Before mar
riage you pay compliments, but af
ter "
He "After? Why, after wo do bet
ter; we pay bills." Life,
Advanced,
"Ton say that Lord Fucash's social
position has Improved since bo married
a rich Auiericau girl?"
"Yes, indeed. Formerly be was only
a nobleman; but now he belongs to our
heiresstocrucy." Washington Star.
None Such,
"I'm looking for a painless dentist
Can you recommend one?"
"I never knew any that didn't hurt
et least once."
"When Is that?"
"When his bill comes In." Detroit
Free Press.
Careleas Artlat,
"Do you think you can draw that
ball the length of the tamer
"I'll ImvA tn I Binmnsp. But I don'
see why the artist didn't draw it back
there to begin with." Chicago in
buue.
Wlael Chmen.
Mr. Short "Can, I believe It-you will
really marry me?"
Miss Tall "Yes. I always make my
own dresses, nnd, ns we nre both the
same height, you will come real handy
when I nm cutting and fitting." New
York Weekly.
Uot Camnnlaory,
"Tell me. Colonel." asked the begin
ner In politics, addressing the gray
hnired statesman, "can a pollticlau be
honest?"
"I suppose so, my boy," replied thi
veteran, "but-ah! it isn't necessury."
Collier's Weekly.
' Maklnt Allowances.
Teonle do not take in proper ac
count," said the broad-minded man,
"the nervous strain under which we
live. It is necessary to make allow-
nneea for some of our nubile otllclais,
"That's the Ides," rejoined Senator
Sorghum. "And liberal allowances.
too." Washington Star.
rhwilcnl. Mot Political.
Doctor "You hove a perfectly sound
constitution, sir. but you are over
worked a little and run down, and that
la why your physical energies have be
gun to nag."
Putlont "Then in my case the con
stltutlon does cot follow the flag?
Thank you, doctor." YonUcrs Herald.
Mo Contretempa,
"How did your nephew's wedding
pass off?"
"Just splendid."
"Were there any contretemps?"
"I don't think so. I didn't see any.
You see we had the church thoroughly
cleaned up Just before the wedding
took place." Cleveland Piulu Dealer.
In the lllllvlllo IlackwooiU.
"How fur is it to the next town, my
friend?"
"Bout fifty acres or better."
"I mean how many miles."
"Well, hit inout be two, or hit mout
be six."'
"You're a big fool!"
"I know It; but you orter seen my
daddy!" Atlanta Coustitution.
Hie Preference,
The father wus giving the son some
advice.
Now that you are starting out In
life," said the parent, "you will find it
pays to cultlvute the acquaintance of
well-to-do people."
But the son shook his bead.
"No, pop," he responded, "I will find
It pays me better to cultivate the ac
quaintance of easy-to-do people. I am
going to locate In Wall Street" Chi
cago. News,
WW)
, JIMMY ATHLETIC.
Fire fclmf Mot Math-fUelaned Wheal
Me Liked, amd Well Iteeonimeaded. -
The General Manager of a big Ana
Street establishment late Saturday af
ternoon looked around the deserted
office, carefully Inspected the inside o
his hat before putting It on. called for
the porter to make doors and shutters
secure, and, accompanied by a belated
customer, started for Park Row.
"Well, he's resigned," he remarked,
With a sigh of relief.
"Who?" inquired the customer, hav
Ing In mind the Junior partner.
"The third assistant office boy," re
plied the General Manngcr, a note of
joy in his voice. "He's gone at last,
and I don't think he'll come back."
"If you didn't want him why dldn'l
you fire him?" queried the customer.
"1 dld-three tlmes-but be wouldn't
stay fired. It was the limit. We got
him six weeks ago, nnd the office has
been in a turmoil ever since. He has
a name, of course, but no one except
the paymaster knows It. He looks Ilka
a prizefighter in miniature, and the
first hour he was with ns one of tho
clerks called lilm 'Jimmy Athletic
That flattered tho young wretch, and
the man that nicknamed him was the
only one that ever was able to Indue
hlra to work except on the day after,
one of the firings. Then he'd bully all
tho other boys and keep them out of
the way, and when I called for a
youngster in a hurry he'd present him.
self.
"I knew, of course, thnt I'd fired him,
but I'm kept too busy to wait, so I
would use him, and there he'd be re
established. "Jimmy was never known to smile.
But be hnd a Inugh, the loudest, most
penetrating, nnd mirthless thnt mortal
ever listened to. When I reminded him
one dny thnt I had discharged hlra tho
day before he laughed, nnd I begged
him to desist.
"His first break was two d:;ys after
he was hired. A messenger boy
brought nn importnnt telegram, nnd
Jimmy didn't like his face. He beat
that boy to a whisper, and the kid
went home to have his Injuries re
paired.
Vlt wasn't until the next dnr that we
heard of the telegram, and then nil
the good it did us was to give us the
Idea of how much money we had lost
by its non-receipt Jimmy .was fired
then for the first time.
"A week later I was nt my desk,
when a long steel rod from n bill file
dropped beside my band and stuck
quivering in my desk. Up above there
was a hole in the ceiling, hnd at that
I saw Jnmmy's grinning face. He was
doing the William Tell act on me. Ho
was fired again for that.
"Jimmy had an ambition to run an'
elevator. Not regularly Just once
but tho colored man that tends to ours
would not let him touch tho wheel. So
Jimmy went to him and told him that
tho boss was giving orders thnt he bo
dismissed. The man told Jimmy to
wntch the elovntor while he ran to
square matters, nnd Jimmy had his
chance.
"Just nt this moment a-i old womnn
stepped aboard, nnd Jimmy had a pas
senger to experiment on. He nearly
ran her through the roof.
"No, he wasn't fired for that. The
Hie
-In-
so y
nco
passenger was the boss' mother
law from Sunbury, and the shock
affected her that she decided at onco
to go tome. If she'd been hurt so that
she couldn't have traveled Jimmy
would have lost his Job then for good.
"Te next time he got fired was for
pnttlng up a target on the boiler in the
cellar and shooting at it with a re
volver. "To-day he came to me and said he
was going to resign. I asked him if he
wonted a bonus, but he said he didn't
He's only about as big as a pint of
peanuts, but he sat all afternoon smok
ing big cigars and making the other
boys envious. He told one of tho
clerks that If I didn't give him a rec
ommendation he'd knock two of my
teeth in."
"Well." said the customer, consol
ingly, "he's gone." Then, wishing to
change the subject, he remarked:
"1 was lucky to catch you this after,
noon. You must have been detained."
"Yes," said the General Blanager. "I
waited to wrlto a recommendation for
Jimmy Athletic." New York Times.
Potato of Mneh Notoriety.
No potato has ever gained so much
notoriety as Eldorado, raised by tho
famous Scottish raiser, Mr. A. Find
lay, of Marklneh. The very name of
the variety was a stroke of genius, for
It is hardly possible that the raiser, or
those who had the good fortune to se
cure some of the first tubers distrib
uted, could have imagined that In so
short a time It would change hands
at such enormously high prices.
Mr. George Massey, of Spalding, was
one of the very first to obtain stock,
and torn him Mr. Zachariab Gray, a
well-known grower at Everton, Sandy,
purchased a stone weight for $100.
This set the ball rolling, and as Mr.
Flndlay resolved not to further dis
tribute Eldorado until the autumn of
1004, the demand for the small stocks
available was dqubled and trebled, and
so the prices rose. ' Messrs. Dennis, the
Covent Garden salesmen, and Messrs.
I. Poad & Sons, of New York, pos
sessed some supplies, and the latter
firm found a purchaser of four pounds
at f 150 per pound. This determined
thorn to obtain further stock, and so
at the SmltiiUeld Club show a member
of his firm found that Mr. Massey
had a limited stock for disposal and
made hlra on offer of 1000 for a
stone. Mr. Massey refused, as he
wanted 1300, but eventually the
' bargain wus struck at 1400, to
the satisfaction of both parties.
Subsequently, Mr. Massey sold a rela.
tlvely small quantity for 2000, so that
his original transaction brought him
a very handsome return. Gurdeuer'a
Magaslns,