STORY OF AN OYSTER
TOLD BY HIMSELF ABOUT HIMSELF
AND HIS TRIBE.
The Trial anil Tribulation of the
' Baeculeat Bivalve Front the Time
of rinnlnK t ntll III Appearance
an the Flahmonnrr'l (nantfr,
There were nbout iwo.000 of us when,
ns tiny ftiikon of spawn or "spot," os
the oyster spawn In called we (Ion tod
out Into the water one day on "tho
flats."
At Drst wo were white and apparent
ly lifeless. Then wo turned gray nnd
finally block. At thin singe wo became
visibly alive. For several days wo
floated, tlio sport of waves nnil tides.
Borne of my brothers wrro rnrrlcd out
to sea mid mo vanished; others were
swallowed by fish. At Inst wo nil be
gan Instinctively to Kink tnwnrd the
bottom.
Then began again terrible ilewli no
tion. Stony foil on mud the most fa
tal tiling n young oyster enn do. Those
perished at onee. Others attached
themselves to plnnts nnd weeds which
grow nt the bottom of the soa. They
lived for a time so Ioiik at lenst as tho
plant remained alive. Then, when the
plant died, they perished ns Well.
Fortunately for myself, I drifted on
to a bit of "culteh" that Is to say, ono
of the old shells which the dredgers
and oyster men so cnreftilly scatter nil
over tho sen floor of an oyster bed. I
nettled with my deep shell uppermost
and my flnt or right shell nearer tho
ground. At the time I did not know
why I did this. I have since realized
that It was because In that position I
should be more easily able to eject tho
sand and grit which a rough sen some
times stirs up In shallow water. I nt
tnehed myself (Irmly to my nnchorago
of "culteh" and felt myself at last fair
ly started In life.
Soon I noticed that every single mor
sel of shell or stone around mo was
tenanted by tiny oysters, all lying In
the same position ns myself nnd all
firmly anchored.
Them I lay, unmovlng, for nearly a
year. Food, in the shape of tiny nnl
mnlculne, which an oyster loves best,
was plentiful. When tho water was
thick with it, we all opened our shells
wide, and, making currents In the wa
ter by means of the tiny hairs which
fringe our gills nnd which men call our
beards, we washed the dainties Into
our mouths. Our choicest delicacies
were the minute green ulgre, which
give to full grown oysters that greenish
tinge that is tho mark of the aristo
cratic native.
When I first anchored myself, I was
but tho twentieth of an Inch In diame
terso small, indeed, that a microscope
would have been necessary to examlno
me. At that stage my Bliell was per
fectly transparent.
At the end of ten months I had in
creased la diameter to fully the size
of a dime and become what is called
"brood."
During all this time I bad been learn
ing many things. I found out that It
was necessary to close my shell tight
when dangers of Various kinds threat
ened, when tho tide was low or, In win
ter, when frost was severe. You may
perhaps imagine that an oyster is a
creature of such low organism that It
cannot see or feel much of what Is go
ing on round about it Hut you are
wrong. The mantlo fringe of an oyster
Is very sensitive. If you watched us
from a boat in calm water, you would
see that the tnero shadow of tho bont
crossing on oyster bed will cause those
of us upon whom it falls to close our
hells Immediately.
It was necessary to be most careful.
Dangers wcro many nnd terrible. Sea
urchins prowled among us and de
voured many. But of all our foes tho
worst Is the fire fingered starfish. One
of my sisters, anchored not a yard
away, fell a victim to this terror of
the oyster beds. It clutched her with
Its long fingers. She closed her shell.
But the creature was not to be shak
en off. Hour after hour It clung thcro
until on the second day after Its first
grip she, poor thing, opened her shell
to get a mouthful of food. At once the
tarflBb Injected Into her a fluid which
stupefied her so that she could not
close again. Then the monster turned
Itself Inside out, shot Itself Into the
open shell and devoured her.
Then, one day a year after I had
floated as "spat," came a startling
change in my existence. Something
huge and heavy, came out of the shad
ow of a boat above and approached,
rasping and grating along the bottom.
It was a great triangular dredge of
wrought Iron. At the bottom was a
flat bar with a blunt edge, known to
tlie dredgers as the "bit"
As the "bit" approached It scraped
the bottom of the sea clean, and next
Instant I, too, found myself lifted and
dropped Into the net, together with
hundreds like myself and a miscel
laneous collection of small soles and
Ither things.
One of the men sorted over the catch
and, having selected all the oysters
and spat, "shaded" the rest back Into
the sea through a porthole
I, in company with enormous quan
tities of other brood, was put Into a
"wash" a measure holding five and a
quarter gallons and rclaid. Here life
was less eventful and food most plen
tiful. To fatten well an oyster must
have a certain amount of fresh water.
In this snug retreat I passed from
brood to half ware and from half ware
to ware,, or full grown oyster. But I
till went on growing and developing,
until one duy the dredge swept me up
again, and I was raised onee more Into
the upper air and rapidly brought In.
I wus then dropped Into a large bag
and suspended In a tank of fresh sea
water, which Is constantly renewed.
There I await my final fate, which
-will, I fear, be a fishmonger's counter.
-New Xork Newa.
THE GERM THEORY.
Dm Foe Clara a flint af It la the
Rarlr Elsrhteenth Centurjr.
De FocVJonrunl of the Plague Year,"
published In 1722, contains two pas
sages which, gniM toward bacteriology.
Do Foe hltiMcIf pretends to disbelieve
the theories. Hut his way Is to seem to
doubt what be Is really eager to ad
vance. Having shown that contagion was al
most certain In tho case of people liv
ing In the same house, but often avoid
able by segregation and precaution
against physical contact, Do Foe says:
"This put It out of question to me
that the calamity was spread by Infec
tion that Is to say, by some certain
steams or fumes, which the physicians
call etlluvln, which eflluvla affected the
sound who came within certain dis
tances of tho sick. Others talk of In
fection being carried on by the air only
by carrying with It vast numbers of
Insects nnd Invisible creatures, who en
ter Into the body with the breath or
even at the pores with the air and
there generate or emit most acute poi
sons or poisonous ova or eggs, which
mingle themselves with the blood and
so Infect the body."
In another place Is this passage:
"I have beard it was the opinion of
others that It (the disease) might be
distinguished by the party's breathing
upon a piece of glass, where, the breath
condensing, there might living crea
tures be seen by a microscope of
strange, monstrous and frightful
shapes, such as dragons, snakes, ser
Mnts and devils, horrible to behold.
But this I very much question the
truth of, and we had no microscopes at
the time, as I remember, to make the
experiments with."
John Stuart Mill.
Describing bis ImpresslouB of John
Htuart Mill. Sir Leslie Stephen said: "I
heard him speak in tho house of com
mons. Instead of an Impassive philoso
pher I saw n slight frail flguro trem
bling with nervous Irritability. He
poured out a series of perfectly formed
sentences with an extraordinary rapid
ity suggestive of learning by heart and
when he lost the thread of his discourse
closed bis eyes for two or three min
utes till after regaining bis composure
ho could again tuko up his parable. Al
though bis oratory was defective, he
was clearly speaking with Intense feel
ing and was exceedingly sensitive to
the reception by bis audience. Some of
his doctrines were specially irritating
to the rows of stolid country gentlemen,
who began by listening curiously to so
strange an animal as a philosopher and
discovered before long that tho ani
mal's hide could be pierced by scornful
laughter. To Mill they represented
crass stupidity, and he became unable
cither to conceal his contempt or keep
bis temper."
The Songs That Reach tha Heart.
At a time when the fashionable opera
was In highest voguo Jenny Llnd came
to America nnd achieved her greatest
triumph by singing such simple airs as
"Comln' Through tho Bye." They
touched n popular chord, and It vibrat
ed throughout continents. It Is the
touch of nature that makes the wholo
world kin. And Just as tho simple
songs of Burns gave pleasure without
militating against the culture of a
taslo for tho higher creations In vocal
music, so tho enjoyment of the slmplo
melodies which we know as ragtime
arc harmless and without danger of
taking tho place of tho more elevated
stylo of music. We cannot play trag
edy all the time, but must have the
melodruma and tho farce as the lighter
features of tho stngo. And so in mu
sic, lltcrataro and art the philosophy
applies with the same force. Louisville
Courier-Journal.
Assayed.
Sho had a silvery laugh and golden
hair, llo bud plenty of brass. Ho
knew sho was engaged to another man.
but believed be could copper the other
fellow's bets. But one day be met her
on tho golf links. Her arms were
bronzed and her teeth gleamed as
pearls when sho smiled at biui.
"Your lips," be said, "are like rubies
and your eyes aro like great dia
monds." "And your nerve," sho tittered, "Is
llko steel, but you haven't got enough
tin."
It was then that the iron entered his
soul. "Alas," he sighed, "she can never
be mine!" Judge.
flatting; a Coaslp,
Miss Kidder They've only been mar
ried six months, but whenever her hus
band goes away on a business trip she's
delighted and prepares to have a good
time.
Miss Meonley Aha! Do you know,
I suspected something like that I al
ways said
Miss Kidder Yes. You see, be takes
her with him. Philadelphia Ledger.
Rearardleaa of Expense.
"There Is a firm which doesn't spare
any expense In conducting Its busi
ness," remarked Straightman.
"I should sny tbey don't" replied
Neverpeigb. "They have bad a $3 a
day man after me for a week to collect
bill I owe them for $2," Cincinnati
Times-Star.
Hardships of BesTtrlnar.
Lady Begging must bo hard.
Tramp-It Is, lady. This Is the sixth
time I have had to eat soup today.
Fllegoudo Blatter.
Lota of Ileroea.
Billlcus Have you noticed that most
heroes are married men?
Cynlcus Sir, every married man la a
hero. New Yorker.
Yon may not be able to remove a
wrinkle, but you may remove a frown
and so change your wrinkles into rivu
lets of laughter. Schoolmaster.
;
' Walt Whltmaa as a Journalist.
Walt Whitman was not much of
Journalist. Ho had too much repose.
His employers called It laziness. He
was concerned with permanences. The
nearer to natwre, the more repose.
Trees and hills do not dance except
for urging. Whitman, olcincntnl, strong,
placid, bovine, did not urge them.
In tho Brooklyn Eagle oltlee Whit
man Is a clearer memory than In tbe
ofllee of Its contemporary. Yet It Is
oddly hard to secure facts. There Is
general and Joking reference to his
serenity ns idleness. He was not
typical newspaper man, for lie was not
to bo pressed or hurried, and In our
day of precision and speed he would
have been Impossible. He never felt
that stress from which the veriest bo
hemlnn suffers. He did not want mon
ey enough to work hard for it. One of
the cnterlo of writers and actors which
used to squander Its much wit and lit
tle wealth at I'fafTs tells me that of
the whole party Whitman was the only
one who was never tipsy and never
"broke." 1V always had a market
somewhere for fugitive writings. Edi
tors were friendly to 111 m. He drank
his beer with the rest, but Its effect
was to make him thoughtful, even sad,
while the others were merry. Accord
ing to that narrator, ho was an easy
borrower, though It does not appear
that be nuked for large amounts or
made needless delays in tils repay
ments. Charles M. Skinner In Atlan
tic. How He Won Her.
"Then you will bo a sister to met"
"That Is all I can be."
Ho paused and looked at her thought
fully. "I nlready have seven sisters," he
sold, "and I am not quite sure I can
make room for you. They are very
kind to mo. and on several occasions
my socks bavo been darned a half doz
en times In the same spot. Tliey are so
thoughtful too. Each of them has pick
ed out a wife for uie; but. strange to
say, not one of them mentioned you. Of
course yon won't feel hurt If I add that
there Is a general and deep rooted Im
pression among tliein tluit you ore not
half good enough for me. Sisters are
like thot sometimes, you know."
The girl flushed hotly.
"Not good enough 1" she cried. "I'll
show them. Consider my refusal with
drawn." And so hhe married the foxy fellow
out of spite and made him very happy.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
His F.stlmate of Krnnli'.
Illinois Taylor, in bis argument be
fore the Alaskan boundary commis
sion, told a story of Edward A. Free
man, the English historian, whom he
knew well. On ono occasion, when
dining with him ut n hotel in St. Louis.
Mr. Taylor innocently asked hliu. "Mr.
Freeman, what is your estimate of
Fronde ns a historian-" Said Mr. Tay
lor: "He looked at mo In n strange kind
of way, and then he replied: 'I will
tell you what I think about Fronde. If
ever you rend anything be writes read
It with. care. Bead it over and over
again and fix it in your mind so that
you will never forget it, for then you
will know one thing for certain, and
that is that by no possibility did it
ever happen in that way." "
The Hed Lobster.
The iiucHtlou Is often asked, says the
Lancet, without u satisfactory answer
being supplied. Why do lobsters and
certain Bluiinps and prawns turn red
on boiling? One reason liiuy be that
tho bluck pigment of tho lobster Is an
Iron compound In the lower state of
oxidation, which boiling oxidizes to
the higher state. Bed human hair Is
said to owe Its brilliance to Iron exist
ing In the higher oxidized state, and
by menus of reducing agents, such as
pyrogalllc acid or uutgall. the color
may be modified. In short, oxygen Is
a grcut painter nnd probably accounts
for tbe beautiful autumnal tints of
plant life.
. Wllllnar to Help lllm.
Clerk I urn to be married shortly.
Couldn't you manage to Increase my
salary a little?
Employer Couldn't, really. 'But I'll
tell you what I'll do for you. my boy.
I'll shorten your hours during tbe first
three months, so that you can spend
your evenings ut home, and after that
I'll lengthen them again so that you
will have an excuse tp get away.
Papa's lleathea.
Mamma Ueorgie. where Is the 5
cents I gave you to put In the contribu
tion box for the heathen?
Ueorgie I'm saving it for Aunt Het
ty when she conies.
"Why?"
Oeorgle 'Cause 1 heard papa say,
"Is the old heathen coming here
again r'
Circus Duslaesa.
Maimnu-Oh, see, Willie! Your little
brother can stand ull alone. Aren't
you glad?
Willie (aged six) Sure. Now I can
get him to hold an apple on his bead
while I shoot it off with my bow and
arrow, can't 1?
Immunity.
"You want to marry my daughter,
do you? Well, I'm free to sny you're
the most impudent upstart thst ever"
"Yes, you're free to say It because
you're ber dad. If you wusu't I'd
knock you old head off'n you!" Chica
go Tribune,
ta the Honeymoon.
Adoring Bride Juek darling. Is this
Wednesday or Thursday T
Doting U room-1 think It's Friday,
dearest.
"Of this wcekr-Llfe.
Base envy withers at another's Joy
and hates the excellence it cannot
reach. Thomson.
CAN YOU WHI8TLEf
If Toa t'aa To Read Haver laflTer
from Dyspepsia.
When the throes of indigestion and
the qualms of dyspepsia are making
your life miserable Just purse the lips
aud whistle a brisk, merry tune not a
muftlcd, doleful, half hearted whistle,
but a whistle so deep and voluminous
that tlie whole house will be Oiled with
the sound.
Don't be afraid somebody will hear
you. Lot them hear you. It will do
tlieiu good. It will enliven and cheer
them while it cures you.
Indigestion and dyspepsia always
make one feel gloomy and depressed
and, morbid and blue. Everything
seems to go wrong, and doubtless you
won't feel one bit like whistling. But
no matter; whlstlo anyhow.
If possible go out In the fresh air
and do your whistling. If you ran't
go outdoors Just open tho window wide
and whistle with all your might Any
old tunc will do, so you put life and
vigor Into It
Whistle, whistle, whistle! Keep It
going. Don't get tired. Oo on with
nil your might. Harder, harder!,
Tho first thing you know the stom
ach will have righted Itself, tbe liver
will be working good and strong, the
blood will be bounding through your
veins, your brain will be clear and vig
orous, and you will feel twenty years
younger. Medical Talk.
raise Hair.
Wearing false hair Is a very wide
spread custom. In the language of the
tradesman, hair grown on the heads of
northern nations Is the most vnlunble
both because of Its superior fineness
nnd gloss and Its color. Germany nnd
Sweden provide the most vnlunble hair,
especially If It be golden blond, which
Is of the finest texture nnd of a color
Impossible to obtain by artificial dyes.
Italy umt other southern nntlons pro
duco only coarser nnd less costly vnrl
etles. Xiost precious of all. however.
Is hair of a true silver gray color,
which In sufllclently long plults Is al
most Impossible to procure, chiefly from
the fnct that Its very rarity causes
those womeu lucky enough to possess it
to refuse to part with It The most
constant supply of human hair for tlie
world's market, however, comes from
the peasant girls In countries such as
Hussln nnd (iullcln. whero Immediately
after marriage n hendddesa Is assumed
which makes Uie lack of Its natural
covering unnotlceablo. In Bohemia.
Moravia and Gsllcla there are regular
hair markets to which tbe women
take their bnlr for sale.
Wonderful Hats.
Abraham Lincoln was a man whose
keen wit aud pleasing humor extricat
ed him from many an embarrassing
situation. On ono occasion be was pre
sented with two fine bats, each by a
different lmtmaker, neither knowing
that the other had made such a contri
bution. In the courso of events they
called upon the president, and It so
happened that both called at the same
time.
When both found themselves In the
presence of the executive they asked
how he had liked the hats they had
sent him, and, taking advantage of the
opportunity of securing a statement of
superiority of ono or the other make,
the president was asked to state his
preference.
To many men such a question would
be very embarrassing, but to Lincoln
not at all. He took the hats, one In
each hand, and then replied gravely,
but with n mischievous twinkle In his
keen eyes:
'Gentlemen, your bats do mutually
surpass each other!"
The flank of England's Museum.
The Bank of England has a curious
museum. In which the princlpnl exhib
its are Its own notes.
Among them Is a note for a penny,
which was Issued by mistake and
bought back by tbe bank for 23. An
other Is a noto for 1.000.000.
A third is a bank note which was
found luBldo a codfish caught off the
Newfoundland banks, and a fourth Is
a note which was In circulation for
over a century and a half before It was
presented for puyment .
There are many forged notes In the
museum, their value aggregating many
millions of dollars, and there are also
some notes which were recovered by
divers from the sunken wreck of the
British war ship fcurydlce.
A Similarity.
"It was one of the most pathetic
ploys I ever saw." said young Mrs. Tor
kins. - "I don't see why you go to the mati
nee If It makes you cry."
"Just because I feel bad Is no sign
I bnveift hud a good time, Charley,
dear. You know how much you enjoy
going to the races and coming back
wltb the blues.'.' Washington Star.
Posted.
"Now," suid tbe lecturer, "suppose
you had been called to see a patient
wltb hysterics some one, for Instance,
who had started laughing and found It
impossible to stop what Is tbe first
thing you would do?"
"Amputate his funny bone," prompt
ly replied tbe new student
Terrible Revenare.
Husband You don't appear to like
Mrs. Sweetie.
Wife Tho horrid thing! I bate berl
Next tlnil we meet I'll kiss ber only
once, and I shan't ask after her baby.
Stray Stories.
The Finish.
Flanagan Phwot did yes do whin
McQarry hit yes wld the pick?
Finnegnn Ol done McQarry. Ex
change, i
WM MM
It is love of vlrtuo, not fear of lav,
that makes civilisation.
Aa Vaeapeeted Result
"Up In a little mining town in Penn
sylvania," said a Keystone sUte con
gressmau, "there was a political mass
meeting at which the principal speak
ers were a Democrat named Kennedy
and a Bcpuhllrnn spellbinder named
Plummer. It was arranged that Ken
nedy should sieak llrst 'At one point
lu my speech.' Kennedy ssld to Plum
mer, '1 am going to sny that before the
war I was a Whig, but then I became a
Democrat. I want you to ask me why
I did so. It will give me a fresh start,
and then I can talk for an hour,'
"At tho proper moment Kennedy
mndo his statement, and Plummer,
who hnd gone down In the crowd, In
terrupted blin. 'I want to know,' he
said In a loud voice, 'why yo'i became
Democrat?
"At that moment u muscular miner
bit him a tremendous blow with his
fist. 'I'll show yon,' he said, 'that you
can't break up a Democratic speaker
here.'
"When the Republican orator came
to his senses, the meeting hod ad
journed." A Woman's Kiss.
Tlie story of Ingeborg Vlndlng and
Pou! Vendelbo Lovenorn Is well known
In Denmurk. Poul Vendelbo. a poor
student, went one day on the ramparts
around Copenhagen and walked with
two rich noblemen who. like himself,
had inutrlculatcd at the university.
They happened to notice a' singularly
beautiful woman sitting nt the win
dow of one of tho adjacent houses.
One of the noblemen then said half
mockingly to Vendelbo. "Now, If you
could get a kiss from that lady, Poul,
we would defray the expenses of that
tour ubroad which you are so anxious
to make."
Vendelbo took him at his word, went
up to tho beautiful lady and told ber
how bis whole future depended possi
bly on ber. She then drew htm toward
the window nnd In the view of the no
blemen gave him tho kiss he craved.
He then went abroad nnd. returning
at last ns Adjutant General Lovenorn,
paid tbe fair lady a visit She was
Ingeborg Vlndlng, and she had made a
clever man's fortune by a kiss.
Orlu-la of Kilts.
It will doubtless surprise msny
Scotchmen to learn that the kilt ns at
present worn Is only n modern fnncy
costume nnd Is not of Scottish origin
at all.
The honor of Its Invention is due to
two Englishmen an army tailor who
accompanied General Wade's forces to
Scotland In 1710 and Thomns Itawlln
son, overseer of some Iron works In
Glengarry's country. For more than
a century previously. Indeed, the tar
tan plaid had been the common garb
of the highbinders, but It was all In
one piece, wouud in folds uround tbe
body, leaving tbe knees bare.
Prior to the adoption of the tartan,
which probably took place about the
close of the fifteenth century, tlie long,
loose saffrou colored skirt, the real
"garb of old Gaul," was the highland
dress. London Mall.
William Blank's Joke.
On one occasion wbeu William Black,
the novelist, and his wife were to sup
wltb Mary Andersou In ber room at
the Lyceum he got access beforehand
to the supper room, famous as tbe
meeting place of the old Beefsteak
club, and pasted over tbe labels of the
champagne bottles a paper bearing In
large letters tbe one word "Poison!"
It happened ou this occasion that, un
known to Black, Mary Anderson was
entertaining a number of guests with
whom she was but slightly acquainted,
so that tbe Joke turned out to be some
what embarrassing. It must have giv
en tbe strangers, who knew Black only
by repute, something of a shock to dis
cover how very boyish be was under
his cold outward domeanor.
His Little BUI.
"The senator from New Jersey re
minds me of one of those ferocious
Newark mosquitoes." I beard ber re
mark to a gentleman by ber side wltb
eyeglasses and thin hair In one of the
senate galleries.
"How so?" queried tbe man, putting
his ear closer to ber and looking as If
he expected something real brilliant
"Because be seems to be forever
pushing bis little bill." Yonkers States
man. Revenare.
nis Father If you marry old Stubbs'
daughter, you sha'u't have a shilling
of my mouey!
The Son But, father, If I don't mar
ry her I can't get a shilling of old
Btubbs' money.
His Father (with a grudge to satisfy)
My own boy! Marry ber nnd reuder
that old skinflint penniless'" London
Standard.
Two Backs.
"That duck was fine," said the en
thusiastic patron. "I can't imagine
anything more acceptable than nice
little canvasback."
"Unless," said tbe proprietor of tho
restaurant, "it's a nice big greenback."
Philadelphia Record.
are to Be Prejudiced.
Friend Don't look so blue. You have
a good case.
Jlmsou No use. I'll lose. 1 know
I'll lose. Every man on that Jury
either rented or bought a bouse of me
wheu I was In tbe real estate business.
New York Weekly.
Heredity.
"Do you believe In heredity?"
"Certainly. I kuow a barber who
has three little shavers." New York
Times.
.Tbe biggest Ivory market in tbe
world Is at the London docks, where
the quarterly sales of ivory a vera if
1500,000,
COSTLY PRICE FOR A BATH.
It Was So Meek a Poaad, and tha
Woman Waa -Heavy.
"When 1 was connected wltb the
hotel at Lake Mlnnetonka several years
ago," remarked a hotel man, "we bad
as a regular summer guest a woman
from tlie south who was remarkably
stout, weighing Something over 200
pounds. One day she called a bell boy
and Inquired:
" 'Whut do they charge for a batbf
M'I don't know,' said tbe boy, "but
I'll And out'
"After being gone a short time tha
boy returned and said:
" 'Seven cents a pound
" 'Whntr
"'Seven cents a pound.' said tbe boy
a second time, while tbe woman's face
became scarlet as she mndo her way
to the clerk's desk.
"'I want my bill,' she exclaimed.
'I have been grossly insulted and shall
leove your bouse.'
"She stated ber grievance, the boy
was sent for and explained:
" 'She asked me what they charged
for bass. I told ber I didn't know,
but would find out I asked the stew
ard and he said 7 cents a pound.'
"As tbe ludicrous blunder of the boy
dawned upon tbem both the clerk and
the guest made the hotel office resound
wltb their laughter." Milwaukee Sentinel.
Mr. Dolan'a Carriage.
Mr. Dolon. through the agency of
butter and eggs, bad reached that
stage of prosperity where be was able
to set up an establishment with a horse
and carriage, and nobody begrudged
blm his success.
"But what's the reason your wife
drives round In a carriage with tbe let
ter C on It?" Inquired one of Mr. Do
Inn's friends. "You've not changed
your name. Terry?"
"Naw, man." said Mr. Dolan gsyly;
"me name has stood me fifty years, an'
It 'II lust out me tot me. But tbe cor
rlnge wan a grent bar-rgaln at slcotid
hanil, man, and the 'C was on It
'Twud cost n bit to change It to a 'D.'
nnd I snys to Mary Ann. 'D is a kolnd
of a broad lukln' lettber. wholle C
Is more dilicate and ornamlntnl.' I
snys. 'And. besoldo that It's the very
next to D In the alphabet, and. more
tbnn all,' I says, 'It stands for con
tinted, and that's what Ivery Dolsn
Unit roldes In the carriage will be, so
let It stund,' nnd Mury Ann agreed
wld me." Youth's Companion.
flura-larloua Bees.
To the person who knows nothing
about bees they represent the supreme
type of industry. But even tbe bee com
niunltles are disturbed by those of
their own kind who break through and
steal. Bobber bees are always a source
of anxiety to beekeepers, says the Lon
don Chronicle, and In the autumn the
marauders seem particularly active.
Having gathered no honey, or, at any
rate, an Insullicicnt supply for them
selves, they will descend upon a hive,
kill Its Industrious occupants und car
ry off tlie golden treasure In an aston
ishingly short space of time. We know
of one Instniice In which the attack wus
developed nnd Jhe home bees killed lu
a couple of hours. Sometimes hive
will attuck neighboring hive. In such
cases tlie old straw "skip" was better
tbnn the niodeni arrangement, for a
knife thrust through the top would
break the comb and set tbe honey free,
at which the thieves would Instantly
return to seal up their own store. It is
not primarily In their Industry thot
bees are human.
A Fanny Chase.
Lord Orford. un eccentric English
nobleman, once had a team of red deer
stags that be frequently drove to a
light coach. All went well until one
day there happened to be a pack of
staghounds on the road from Loudon
to Brighton, along which Lord Orford's
picturesque team waa merrily fleeting.
There followed the strangest chase
that ever mortal man witnessed. Tbe
hounds bunted the team and its owner
bard to Newmarket and with such a
smash Into the Ram inn yard the whole
lot went that there was no more coach
left and little more of driver. Lord
Orford took to horses after that
Conquering a Crltla.
William Simpson, a British artist
who accompanied the army during tbe
Crimean war, said that Lord Cardigan,
the commander, examined bis early
sketches of Balaklava with "a vacant
stare," curtly remarking, "It la all
wrong." Still Simpson persevered and
was rewarded In tbe end "with the ex
pression of Lord Cardigan's highest ad
miration." "The real truth was." be
adds In his simple way. "that In tbe
last sketch I bad taken greater care
tbnn In tbe first two to make hla lord
ship conspicuous In tbe front of the
brigade."
The Debt Waa Forcottea.
Trotter Why baven't you been in to
aee me lately?
Ballaw Well-er the truth la I waa
afraid that you mlgbt regard my visit
ns a 'reminder of tlie money you owe
me.
Trotter Why. my dear fellow. I bad
forgotten all about It Sorry it troubled
you.
Too Qrabby,
"Some of the young girls nowadays,"
said Miss Ann Teek. "are positively
terrible. Tho Idea of a girl being en
gaged to two young men at once! It's
vbumoful!"
"And," suggested Miss Pepprey, "It's
aggravating, too. Isn't it?" Philadel
phia Press.
Her Bread.
Walter Have you ever made bread
before, Marie? '
Marie Ob, yes; I used to make It for
my futber until bis doctor made ma
atop.
. Was- rtre Makes tie Slash,
' When one stands before a hot lira,
the face becomes red, as we all know.
This result Is the effect of tbe action
of radiated beat on the nerves con
trolling the small blood vessels of the
Bkln. These tiny vessels are normally
In a state of moderate contraction.
Under exposure to heat they relax and
become distended with blood. The
same process, under the mysterious
connection of the vasomotor nerve sys
tem wltb mental Impressions, produces j
ordinary blushing. a regard to ex-j
posure to direct heat the reddening of '
tho skin, togotber with tho uncomfort
ably warm feeling accompanying It, I
may be looked upon ns one of the use
ful little "danger signals" with which
we are surrounded.
Persons who from any cause have
lost their susceptibility, as Is the case
In some forms of paralysis, may ex
pose a limb to bent until serious In
Jury results. The reason that the face
chiefly flushes Is that In the ordinary
position near a Are, It Is most directly
exposed to the rays of heat while
most of the body Is shielded by cloth
ing; that tbe nerves of the face are'
particularly sensitive In this respect
and that the skin there Is more abun
dantly furnished with blood vessels.
Haare and the Barber.
When Victor Hugo lived In Paris, In
the place Royale, be used to be shaved
by a barber named Brassier. A friend
of the poet asked the barber one day
If be was busy. "I hardly know which
way to turn." was tbe reply. "We have
to dress the hair of thirty ladles for
soirees and balls." And M. Brassier
showed the list to his friend. A few
days after tbe friend returned and In
quired about the thirty ladles. "Ah,
monsieur," said the barber sadly, "I
was not able to attend half the num
ber, and 1 have lost many good cus
tomers through M. Victor Hugo." It
appears that tbe poet when about to
be shaved was suddenly luspired and.
aelzed the first piece of paper he could;
And to write a poem. Hugo bnstllyj
left the shop with his unfinished verses. !
on the back of which were tbe names!
and addresses H the thirty ladles,;
many of whom waited In vain for their;
coiffeur. ' i
Bill Rlee aad a Pla. ;
Billy Rice, negro minstrel, used to:
tell the story of a man who picked up!
a pin as be was leaving tho office of a;
great merchant after an unsuccessful j
quest for work. i
Tbe merchant seeing tbe man's ac-j
tlon from tbe window, called him back;
and gave him employment, which kind-;
ness be repaid by becoming owner of;
the entire business In an Incredibly!
short time. i
Billy used to end his story by say-;
lng that be tried that scheme once;
when he was looking for work. dropping
a pin carefully on the floor as he en-!
tered. He stated his wants to tbe pro
prietor, who not only had no employ
ment to offer blm, but remarked to bis
partner us Rice picked up the pin:
"Say. If that fellow's so small as to
steal a pin off the floor, how much do
you think he'd leave iu my till?"
Soma Ifaatlmal Facts.
A knot Is 0.080 foot long. The dis
tance from New York to Liverpool is
3,00-1 nautical miles by the northern
track and 3,130 by tbe southern track.
The former course is taken by vessels
bound for New York, the latter by ves
sels bound for Liverpool. From Liver
pool to New York the distances are
respectively 3,030 and 3,100 miles.
In estimating records the points tak
en on either side are Sandy Hook and
Dnunt'a rock, Queenstown harbor. The
first light sighted on the British const
Is the Bull, Cow and Calf, Ireland, and
on the American coast either Nantuck
et or Fire Island.
Sweetheartlae;" la Chareh.
Speaking of tbe custom which was
once widely spread of making men sit
In a different part of the church from
tbe women, an English minister was
told the following anecdote by a
Gloucestershire rector: "I remember
when I was a boy a young couple com
ing into the church here on a Sunday
afternoon and seating themselves to
gether on the women's side. Tbe man
was soon turned out of his seat by tbe
verger, with the remark, uttered in an
audible voice, 'We don't have no sweet
hearting here.' "London Tit-Bits.
Hat That Klad.
The impecunious artist was speaking
of a near model be had secured for a
great work be was preparing.
"Does she lend herself to the sub
ject?" Inquired a dilettante wbo loved
art for art's sake.
"I should say not" replied tbe artist
who bud got bis start as a sign painter.
"She charges $2 an hour." New York
Herald.
All Rla-ht Otherwise.
Lawyer (drawing up marriage settle
ment between American heiress and
Impoverished foreign nobleman) j
There, I think we have it right now to!
a dot j
Count Boylon de Bakkovlsnek (pros-;
pectlve bridegroom) Sure, I prefalr se!
Inkllah word "dowry." Chicago Trlb-!
i
Flo-area Doa't Lie. i
Brown You only fifty! That's a!
good onel j
White My daughter says she Is only:
twenty-six, and she was born two;
years after I was married, and I was!
married at twenty-two. Figure It out
for yourself.-tBoston Transcript
Brloka aad Mortar.
Two Irishmen were arguing wbo was
the cleverer.
"Well" said Pat. "I'll bet you cau't
tell me what keeps bricks together."
"Sbure." said Mike. "It's mortur."
"No," said Pat; "you are wrougs thst
keeps them apart"