SARCASM IN SIGNS.
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT AT TIMES
BECOME A MOCKERY.
nfnlitlrrnrra of Mm Who find
Irtn Wnrati Tinas nnd Irrltntlnaj
Annnnnermrnl AVIu-n They Were
Hard 1 1 nnd Ont of Kmplornient,
The advance agent mot the lending
nmn of another hIiow the other night,
iiiul, ns thpy bad not soon each oilier In
even years, there was a vanillic
nbout their greeting that win re fresh
Inir. lenr old Tom!" said the lendliur
tnnn. "I van thinking of you not II vt
minute" niro. Hit down, yon dear old
fellow i I piiHRpil it bakery not live min
utes ago, nml t thought of you. Why,
here's WIIIIh! I wnB Just Haying to
Tom that I never Fee n linker's that I
don't think of him. Tom nml I were
oor oneel Mighty poor too. I re
inemher that wo had heen tiirneil ont
of different homes on the same cold
night' nntl met each other for the Hint
time liy chance. We shared the com
forts of n butcher's wagon that night
nnd went upon n rtiiiiniiiglng expedi
tion the next day. Wo halted in front
of a Oerninn liakery, hnlf stnrveil and
disgusted with life generally. There
was a luiKe sign In the window which
snld, 'There Is No dike T.Ike Ours.' Wo
hadn't n iienny between us, but Tom
stepped In nnd nsked for n sample of
the enke. The Dutchman didn't ap
preciate the humor of the request, so
Tom said, 'You may keep your cake,
boss; but. say, give me a chunk of
bread, quick, or I'll cut out your glz
r.ard.' I'll never forget thnt cuke ttlgn
because It took us hours to pet away
from the polled who were attracted to
the scene by the linker's cries for help."
"Ihit thnt was not my only experi
ence with n peculiar sign," remarked
the ndvancc agent nfter n hearty laugh.
"The yenr before I went on the road
for the first time I was In a hard luck
ns ever man wns. I had pawned ev
erything In sight nnd was almost starv
ed. I found uu 11111111-011.1 In the hall
way of a down town building, and the
janitor told me to keep It. It was a
fairly pood rain shield, nnd I Immedi
ately carried H to mine uncle. 1 didn't
know this particular relative, nltlmugli
I had formed the acquaintance of hun
dreds of his people. Ills place waR on
Sixth avenue, nnd he gave me 75 cents
on It. which I gladly neceptod. As he
was making out the ticket he snld:
" 'Do you want to save It from the
moths?'
" 'Yes,' I answered.
" 'Thnt will cost you Vi cents. Ter
haps you would like to have It Insured?
It Is always advisable, but It will cost
you 12 cents more,' replied my friend.
" 'AH right.' 1 nald. 'Tnke good care
of It.' He could have eaten It for nil 1
cared, for I never Intended to redeem
It. I wns nbout to leave the plnce when
I saw a big sign on the far wall. It
aid:
" 'No extra cliurgo for putting watch
es nnd Jewelry lit the safe In the olllce.'
"Watches nnd Jewelry! It brought
the tears to my eyes, nnd as I crawled
Into my 10 cent bed that night I
thought of diamond necklaces, pearls
and rubles of priceless value and enke.
Oh, the curse of some signs! How they
mock tho poor!"
They were all silent a moment, but
tho ouo addressed us Willis wns tho
first to resume ronversatloti, nnd ho
said:
"There's my friend, Big John Smith.
Let mo Introduce him. Since yon chaps
lire talking of signs nnd hard luck, let
nie tell you of the time thnt I hnd to
lenve my trunk nt the old Stevens
House, on lower Broadwny, nnd light
out by the shades of midnight to got
away from a hotel bill that I couldn't
pay. Everything I hnd In the world
wns locked up in that trunk, nnd as I
could not remove nuythiug without ex
citing suspicion I thought It best to
keep out of Jail by leaving everything
behind me. I must have walked the
streets at least n week famished nnd
penniless. One afternoon I was pass
ing along an up town street, hoping to
die, when I happened to look up nnd
- snw a sign ns big as my hopes were
small. This sign rend: 1
"'We Are Not .Dnyllght Robbers.
Trunks! Trunks! From tho Itattery
to tho Harlem Itrldgc to Your Itootn
For 25 Cents.' 1
"If that sign was not the Irony of
fnte In my ense, I do not know whnt
to call It."
"Oh, that's a small affair nlongsldo
of my experience," snld Smith. "It Is
only a few years ago too. I had been
unemployed for several months, and as .
I hnd six little shavers to take care of I
did not have much trouble spending the
little money I hnd saved. I didn't seem !
to bavo a friend In the wide world to i
turn to, and I spent my Inst copper for
paper to examiuo the employment col- 1
nmn. It wns nbout Christmns time,
and I dreaded going back home to face
the scolding landlord. I recall that I
stopped In front of the Harlem office .
of a newspaper to see the holiday
crowd go by, aud as I did bo I saw a
sign that made my blood run cold. It .
aid: I
" 'There Is No Benson Why You
Should Be Idle. Insert a Want Ad. I
Four Cents a Line.' ,
"The pronoun was printed In Im
mense letters, and I bad the greatest
. trouble dissuading myself that It was
not Intended for hie, and me alone. I
Of course It wasn't, but that sign bum- j
ed Into my memory, and I have i
thought of It Innumerable times since."
"Ob, pshaw 1" rejoined the leading
man after a pause. "I suppose It is Im
possible to please everybody wltb pub- j
lie signs. I saw one in iiumiio once
which said:
Attention, blind men.
Bead this and be cured,' which referred
to a new treatment for the blind. All
signs cannot be expected to satisfy the
ildsas of everybody." Now York Mall
CHECKERS ON THE FARM.
Th chwVetboird li tl worn out
from coh winter nlelitt
Tlia chfikera have become lirRrlnwd,
Whlrlt Diuf wen ililninir hrliilit,
But 11111 the nitnr S" alraljhtway 0
AIUioukIi the (imrrt are blurt,
Wlill C.vntliy pent up neulxn's men
or Hciilie n rapture licrt.
Sometime! tlie oM man takca a hand
To alum Ilia practlreil aklll,
Ami tlien the tnrmlianiN circle round, ,
Vilille- every otic la atlll.
Tliey wntiM net nay a Mottle word t
Thnt wntilil tll.tratt lila play; j
Bo hrrntlilena tltry olmrrve lilm drive i
Yuung fttulien'a men to bay
Ah, what would winter evenings b
Without the rhrukerliodrtl,
With tloulilc I'ernera, Jump and moves
Anil fun whith they itfTnrill I
Our illulpatton oft emulate
In too iiiiu h rhiM krra here,
Whiih nuilira thf kmriIp tell about
Our ih'' Ic'I'.mI lil''a inrrer.
Arthur E. Locke in Bolton Globe,
BAIT FOR SUNFISH.
One Man' Mrthntt of flnlaar Flahlnar
A till Ilia IliMila.
There is til tout ns much sport in
catching the big sunllsh ns In lifting
out tin! crapple If you can get the
former In one of Us savitge moods.
1'clkcr is a great grafter on sunllsh.
He has got a dozen different kinds of
bait, but he says that It Is nil nonsense
to trouble nbout digging worms. Ho
declares that beef run through a linni
btirg steak grinder Is Just the proper
caper for the sunllsh nt t'reve I'tcur
lake. The tougher the beef the better,
as il will cut III long strips like angle
worms. "When the sunllsh are biting right
smart, It Is about nil thnt I can do to be
kept In the shop," snld I'elker. "I be
lieve me and the sunllsh arc the most
cheering things out. Do you know, I
linve noticed old time fishermen nt
I'.reese's Inke wailing around In tho
shallow water, where tho sunllsh nre
found at spawning lime, ns carefully
ns If they were fishing for trout. Now,
It Is dilTereiit with me when I go out
with my hnnibiirg steak to feed the
golden bellied beauties on. I Just tlo
the line to each leg of my boots, take a
little short rod In my hand nnd stride
Into the water nnd go nhond. On the
bootleg lines I use fed files. Why, the
sunllsli come up nnd get stuck on my
fly hooks three or four nt n time. That's
the way to cnteh a mess of fish In ft.
few hours.
"I can catch crapple with ernwtlsh
tails to bent the bund If I cannot get
minnows. Crickets aro great sunllsh
anil bass bait, while the katydids will
make a crapple leave Its bed nt mid
night. Just let your hook slug once
with a green Italy on, nnd It there
Is a crapplo within a radius of
10 or 15 feet It will como like
a hound nt a coursing nintch. If
you get uo bite, you can pull your
freight up n few car lengths and try a
new place. I caught nil those, big crap
ple last week with craw tails. I could
get no minnow for love or money, so
I chased up some crawfish and went
In to win. When It comes to cattish
bait. Just try tripe. It Is tough aud
cannot be pulled off the hook easily."
St. Louis Olobe-Democrat.
A Fnrtrotten Usntna.
The history of wireless telegraphy
would not be complete without some
mention of Joseph Henry, America's
greatest scientist, for It wns be who
first. In 1S42, discovered tho oscillatory
character of certain electric nlschnrges
nnd who showed that theso oscillations
produced disturbances which could by
suitable receivers be detected at dls
tances of many rods aud through In
tervening buildings, writes Professor
Joseph Ames In The ltcvlew of Re
views. He even arranged nn apparatus
on this prlnclplo to respond to the
lightning discharges of distant storms.
Tho great genius of Henry was never
more apparent than In his investiga
tion of electrical discharges and their
oscillatory nature. It Is a lusting tes
timony to the ignorance among Ameri
cans of their own great men that tho
mime of Joseph Henry wns not Includ
ed In the llrst Si) selected for the Hall
of I 'ante of the nation.
Wholesale Mather.
As regards facilities for bathing,
which every Filipino demands, there Is
the open buy, with Its miles of clean
suit water, ready at nny time of the
day or year for a free bnth. Tho genu
ine Filipino is hnlf amphibious, loving
the water nnd swimming like a fish.
An example of this may be seen In the
large tobacco fuctorles of llluondo,
with their 10,000 employees. When the
day's labor Is done, the thinly dressed
workmen, men, women nnd children,
speed laughingly to the bny, plunge In
to tho waiting waves and como out
clean, cool and refreshed. Ledger
Monthly.
Was It a Compliment?
It wits tit the end of her first week 111
the new school, she having been trans
ferred from down town, that tho teach
er asked Utile Wllbelmlua bow sbe
liked the now school. Tho little one's
face brightened up as she answered:
"Oh, 1 like It first rate, and I like you
too."
"That's very nice; but why do you
llko me?" queried the teacher. '
"Oh, you see," said tho little pupil,
"I always did like a bossy teacher."
New York Times.
An ludlajeatlbla Man.
Kitty But he is such an Indlgestiblo
man.
June Indigestible 1
Kitty Yes; ho always disagrees with
we. Detroit Free Press.
It was a quarter of a century before
the signing of tho American Dcclara-
tlon of Independence tliut the first the-
nter was opened In New York.
Fortune knocks once at every man's
door, but misfortune drops in frequent
ly without knocking. Chicago News.
AN OPTICAL ILLUSION.
One of the Triples Performed br the
Fakir of ladla.
The fakirs of India perform some re
markable tricks. The following one
was witnessed by an Englishman who
wns himself an excellent prestldlgl
tateur: The apartment being filled, the ma
gicians began their performance. Tho
nttilleiice fitt on the floor nbout the
fakirs, so that they had no way of con
cealing themselves or of hiding any
thing. At their request I examined
t hem nnd satisfied myself that they
had nothing about them. Then one of
the women stepped Into the Inclosure,
the rest remaining behind the spec
tators, who formed a close ring nbout
them. The light was now turned down
n little, anil in n moment the woman's
face began to be Illuminated by a
ghostly light that extended quickly
over her entire body.
She then begun to move around and
nrotind, tittering n low, murmuring
sound the while, gradually quickening
the puce until she wns whirling nhout
like a top. A moment of this, and the
light that bait clung nhout her seemed
to be whirled off by centrifugal force
nntl ussumed a pllhitilkc form beside
her. As soon ns this was accomplish
ed she stopped, turned and began to
mold the light with her baud, and,
though 1 could distinctly see her hands
move through the light ns If it were a
timid. It begun to nssuine human form.
Wo saw lite units, hands and legs all
molded tind'llnatly tho face nnd head
gear. She next culled for a light, and,
the cuudles being relighted, there stood
nu utter stranger, a native seemingly,
evolved out of cloiidland. Ho stepped
forward and grasped me by the hand.
His hands were moist, ns If with per
tqilrntloii, and he was a very healthy
spirit.
After he had talked and drunk a
glass of arrack he took his place besldn
the woman iigalu and began to whirl
nbout. The lights were dimmed, but
not so that we could not see, nnd In a
few minutes the figure ls gan to fade,
soon assuming the appearance of a
pillar or form of light mid then attach
ing Itself to tho womnii nntl seemingly
being absorbed by her. All this was
done In a very short space of time be
fore the eyes of at least 00 people nnd
not ten feet from myself. The girl ap
peared greatly exhausted afterward.
CARE OF LACES.
Iron luce on the right side first, then
on the wrong side to tbsow tip the pat
tern.
When putting lace a wny, fold as little
lis possible. A good plan Is to wind It
round a card, as they do In the shops.
When Ironing laces, cover them wltb
lion n. white tissue paper. This pre
vents the shiny look Keen on washed
lace.
Use coinlloiir Instead "of ordinary
starch for stiffening laces. This makes
them llrni ntl does not detract from
tho lacy nppcniiince.
Luces untl other delicate trifles should
be placed In it mutilln bog before being
boiled. This prevents their getting lost
and toru In tho wnslw
After "getting up" lnees do not leave
them to air In n dump place round
tho lire when tho kettle Is boiling, for
Instance. This robs them of their fresh
ucss nnd makes them lotik limp.
All luces before being ironed should
be carefully pullisl out', encb point re
ceiving nttoiitiou. You will be repaid
for your trouble, us the luce will look
twice us nice and lust dean a much
longer time.
Too SauKeatlv.
All Ihigllsb clergyman bad married
a young woman with a reputed dowry
of nbout UtUKtO. while ho himself hnd
"great expectatlisis." Needless to say,
t'very soul in tho vllhvge knew about It
It was the llrst SutnUiy after their re
turn from the honeymoon, and when
the sermon wits IliiiHhed tho parson
proceeded, iih usual, to give out the
hymn, verse for verse, to bis, rustic
congregation.
All went well until tho fifth verse
was rcncficd, iumI the parson begnn
"lorever let my grateful heart." when
suddenly mil with sonu confusion ho
exclaimed, "Omit the llftli verse!" and
Immediately begun to recite aloud the
sixth verse Instead. Those who hnd
hymnbooka promptly read the fifth
.verse:
Forever li t in urateful heart
III bouutjii urar adore, 'v .
Which itlve ten Hiounaad bleeaing now j
And bid me tape tor more.
1'nrsalnjr eui Klcphnnt.
Any oue wIai has once followed u.
traveling elepaant will not show any
undue haste -jo repeat tbe amusement.
They sail along at an average pace of
six miles an hour, regardless of the
country, it ml. stop for u, buth or a short
siesta perbujis once every three days.
Anything more exasperating than fol
lowing very fresh spoor at a dog trot,
hour after hour In a bluzlug sun, only
to find nl ii late hour In tho afternoon,
that one wns 40 miles from camp, with,
no food or water, and that tho ele
phant butl Increased his lead from one
mile to ton. It would lie difficult to
Vuuglne. Everybody's Magazine.
Four Good Hitblta.
There are four good habits punctu
ality, accuracy, steadiness and dis
patch. Without the tirxt of these time
Is wasted: wltliout tbe second mistakes
the most hurtful to your own credit
and Interest and that of others may be
committed; without tho third nothings
can be well done. And without tho
fourth opportunities of great advan
tage are lost which, it 1st Impossible to
recall,
It is a curious fact that mayonnaise
dressing will disagree with delicate
people, wnereaa the same Ingrudlentt)
put together wMbout an egg (Franc
ilxesslag) will baajrjy d) geited.
Dollars In Odd Shapes.
Under the law a silver dollnr may be
grain and a hnlf over weight cr a
grain and a hnlf under weight, nnd this
limit of tolerance" applies to nil of our
silver coins. In other words, they nre
not nllowed to vnry more thnn ihnt
much from standard. In the cttse of
goldplcecs, the limit Is half a grain
either wnjr up to tho engle, a vnrintloti
of ns much ns one grain being permissi
ble In the f 10 nnd $20 pieces.
Whenever a fresh bnlch of dollars I
turned out at the mint, sum pies nre
forwnrdod to the treasury nt Washing
ton, where they nre put through a very
curious process. Knch dollnr Is first
Weighed on exquisitely dellcnte scales
to make sure thnt It Is henvy enough
nnd yet not too henvy. Then It Is puss
rtl between two steel rollers again and
ngaln until It Is tlnttcncd out nml
transformed Into a thin strip of silver-
sort of ribbon a foot nnd a half In
length. Then it Is put benenth a little
machine provided with several sinnll
punches, by which hundreds of tiny
disks nre punched out of the metal
strip.
Now, the object of this performance
Is to obtain samples of melal from nil
parts of the dollnr. Inasmuch ns It Is
conceivable that one portion might be
richer In silver thnn another. The little
disks nre fdiulllcd together, nml n few
of them, taken nt random from the lot.
nre subjected to nil assay. Thus the
fineness of the material of the dollur Is
ascertained with absolute accuracy
nntl, the weight having been already
determined, the vnltte nntl correctness
of thnt coin nre perfectly known.
Tho snmplo pieces having been found
correct. It Is Inferred thnt the entire
lintch of dollars Is nil rlght.-Saturdny
Evening Post.
Xatnrat Waters.
All natural wnters eotitnln n grenter
or loss nmoimt of mineral matter In so
lutlon. Itnlu water has the smallest
percentage of solid Impurities of any
and therefore It Is token ns the stand
nrd variety of soft water.
Tho terms soft nnd hard, however.
ns applied to wnter nre scientifically
considered purely relative.
Wnter Is usunlly reckoned to be
soft" when It contains less thnn one
flvo-thousnndth part of Its weight of
mineral Ingredients and "bard" when It
contains more thnn one four-thoti
snndtli.
Soft wnter hns the property of enslly
forming a lather with soap and Is
therefore suitable for washing pur
poses, while hard wnter will only form
a lather, and thnt Imperfectly, with
considerable difficulty.
A mineral water has more than one
two-thousanilth of Its weight of lint
urnl dissolved solids, nnd n medicinal
water Is a vsllefy of mineral water
containing n varying percentage of dis
solved natural solid or gaseous drugs.
Battered Side I p.
One of the stories which Levi Hutch
Ins, the old time clockiuukcr of Con
cord, N. II., delighted to tell related to
the youth of Daniel Webster.
"One day," said the old man. "while
wns taking breakfast nl the tavern
kept by Daniel's father. Daniel nnd Ids
brother Ezeklel, who were little boy
with dlrt.v fnces and snarly luilr. came
1o the table nnd nsked me for brend
and butter.
"I compiled with their request. Hltle
thinking that they would become very
distinguished men. Daniel dropped
Ids piece of brend on the sandy floor,
and tho buttered side of course wns
dowu. He looked nt It a moment, then
picked It up and showed It to me. say
Ing:
"'What a pity! Please give me
piece of brend buttered on both sides
then If I let It fall one of the buttered
sides will be up.' "
k Wbere Americans Are Modest,
The American Is shy of proclaiming
tj the world his deepest sentiments and
aaperstitlnns. If he has any. He pre
(fees to tnke himself either ns a Joke or
tin il matter of business. Hence when
lie hns a town to name he calls It
'Sralthvllle" or "New Iliistol" or. ns
actually hnppened In the case of one
tows. "O. K." He inny believe In a lo
cal ghost, he niny love his wife, he mny
ndtnlw the view from his windows nntl
ijilne trlion lorn from the wootls and
mountains among which he passed Ids
boyhood, but he does not want to put
those emotions Into the postottlce di
rectory. Washington Times.
Why He Didn't Go to Church.
A Scottish minister who wns Indefat
igable In looking up his folk one day
cnllcd upon a pnrlshloner. "Ulchard."
he snld. "1 line nn seen ye at the kirk
for some lime aud wad like to know
the reason."
"Weel, sir." answered Hlchnrd, "I
hae three decided objections 10 goln
firstly. I tl I n ti 11 believe In beln whnnr
ye does a' the tnlkln; secondly. I dlnna
believe In si' uiuckle slngln. an. thirdly
an In conclusion, 'twas there I got my
wife." Albany Argus.
llearaar Krldi-nae.
Judge (to wllnessi-Ia'I me remind
yon that your evidence in this court Is
given upon oath, so thnt you will only
be allowed to stnte whnt you know
from your own observation and not
what other people have told you. Id
tbe first place, you are a medical prac
titioner? Witness I ennnot say thnt I am, my
lord. I only know It from hearsay. I
'.have had no patients yet
I
The. Ikale Flab.
The ray. or skate Hub. has a mouth
mjt trnusvprxely ncroi Its head, the
jaws working with rolling motion
Jltae two bunds set buck lo hack. In
itUe Jaws are three rows or Dili teetb,
et like a mosaic pareiiieiit. anil be-
itwveo those rolling jaws itie dsb
unMbvs oysters and other tnoltusks tik
'oiiuaoj nuts.
Aaroraphohla.
Builders, with their stone nnd mor
tar, brick and lime, water nml sand,
hnvo left little puddles on a stretch of
upper llrnadwny. An Irregular string
pedestrians Hung Itself past-the
place. Ignoring for the iqost part the
slight Inconvenience of stepping over
the miniature lakes, lint one man,
hen he wns confronted with the situa
tion, slutted back with nn exclamat loll
nf vexation atid passed around the
pools.
Thnt chap has agoraphobia," said
lite of (wo men who had noted tho
movement.
"lias what?" nsked the other.
"Agoraphobia. It means simply nn
abhorrence of open spaces, nnd It has
great many victims. Specialists In
litis Slut of nervousness say It lakes
various forms, some of Its subjects
having tut Insurmountable dread nf
rosslng from one side of the street
to the other, while others have a dis
inclination to go more thnn n few
blocks from their home.
Some dreatl to step across a puddle
of wntcr. like the man we Just saw.
Others dread descending Into n well
beyond tl certain depth, nml still nt li
ra hnvo n fear of getting too high In n
building or an elevator. As n rule,
these persons tiro acutely Intellectual,
o It Is no mental disgrace to be u vic
tim of ngorapliobla, simply n misfor
tune thnt is commoner thnn most per
sons suppose." New York Telegram.
A Olvhrnted Ilomnn Rater.
Touching the inntter of entlng. the
stories told by the old ehrotilelers nnd
historians of the nbiiorimil nppetltes of
certain IUnmin nnd ntieiitnl men of
note fnlrly slugger belief, (illihon tells
of Soliiiinn, n eullpli In the eighth cen
tury, who tiled of Indigestion In Ids
enmp near (iinlels. In Syrln. Just ns he
wns nbout to lend nn nrmy of Arabs
ngiilnst ('onstnntlnople. lie hud emp
tied two baskets of eggs nnd figs,
which he swallowed nltertintely, nnd
the repast wns finished with marrow
nntl sugar. In a pilgrimage to Mecca
the snme eullpli hnd enten with Impu
nity nt a single mrnl 70 pomegranates,
n kltl. 0 fowls nnd n huge quantity of
the grapes of Tnyef.
Such a statement would defy belief
were not others or n similar enitrneter
well avouched. I.onls XIV could hard
ly boast of nn appetite ns ravenous as
Bellman's, but he would ent nt a sitting
four phtteftils of different soups, n
whole pheiisnnt, a partridge, a plateful
of salad, mutton hashed with gniile.
two good sized slices of halt), n dish of
pnstry nnd finish witli fruit nnd sweet-
men ts,
PalflllliiK the Wlsliea of the Demi.
Old Lord Forglen, the Scotch Judge,
died in 1727. Dr. Clerk, who nttended
his lordship to the last, cnlllng on his
pntlent the day he died, wns ndmltted
by the Judge's old servnnt nnd clerk.
David Heed. "How does my lord do?"
Inquired the doctor. "I houp he's
weel." responded the old num. whose
voice nnd manner nt once explained his
meaning. With tears strenmlng down
his face he conducted Dr. Clerk Into n
room where there were two dozen bot
tles of wine underneath the table.
Other gentlemen presently arrived,
nnd, hnvlng partaken of a glass or two
of wine while they listened to David's
account of his mnster's last hours, they
all rose to depart. "No. no, gentlemen;
not so." snld the old factotum. "It was
the expressed wish of the deceased that
I should 111) ye a' foil, and 1 matin fulfill
the will o' the dend." Dr. Clerk used
to add when relating the story. "And
Indeed he did fulfill the will o' the
dend. for before the end o't there wns
na nne of us nblc to bite Ids nlu
thoombl"
Jupiter and Tea.
A very Ignorant nntl wealthy woman
who wns fond of talking nbout her "art
gallery" one day met nt the house of
an acquaintance a Indy who had not
called on her, although they lived In
tho same town.
"Come and see me. do." said Mrs. It.,
tho patron of art, as the other Indy was
taking her leave.
"Thank you very much." wns the
noncommittal reply.
"We've got a new picture too. Thnt
ought to tempt you to come. If I enn't."
"I should bo very glnd Indeed to see
IL"
"Such a lovely plcturel Sometimes It
seems to mo I could look nt It nil dny
long."
"Whnt Is the subject of your picture.
Mrs. B.?" Inquired the hostess.
"Jupiter nnd Ten," was tho reply.
It was "Jupiter and lo."
Polaon la Flnajrr XailU.
Dltlng tlie nallu In an exceediagly
dangerous practice, an the biter never
knows when to stop and nt nny mo
ment Is lluble to tilte Into "tlie quick"
and cause blood poisoning. Even when
tbe utmost care is taken of tlie teetli
a polxonous Kccrt'tloti Is apt lo collect
on tliem. uud tlie eutrauce of a minute
portion or tills Into the circulation tuny
prove as certainly fatal as tho pus on
surgeon's scalpel.
Ills Cbole.
Kind Lady Do you like flowers, lit
tle boy?
Little Boy-Yes'm.
Kind Lady I aui glad to hear It.
Your love of iIowith Indlcutes a relined
nature. Wuut kind of (lowers do you
like most?
Little Boy-Boiled cubbuge.-OUlo
State Journal.
t
j
,
i
The litgirest ptnnjm ever used were
made to pump out Lake Uiinileui. In
Ilollttud. They pumped 400.0UU ttms
dally for 11 years.
When soitie people cast their bread
upon tbe waters, they expt ct It to re
turn spread wltb butter aud Jam.
Chlcago News. ,rV
DOES
YOUR
IT WILL HOT
IP YOU TAKE
KRAUSE'S
HeadacheCapsulesj
SO0 Kewsr for tne nn
noil aubatanca found in
thoe Capaule.
HEAD
ACHE
Will Cure any
Kind of
nurmivmw
Monrv rcfmulprl If not as
wo Sent porttaM on
ItiC pt nr prlco.-
TWEHTY-FIVE ttrTTS.
NORMAN LICHTY MFC. CO.,
Dca Moines, Iowa.
Kor villi-1. II. Alex. Stoke.
Dangerous Kidney Diseases.
' A.'tf Kliiu; Ims cnroit me of klilney dla.
n -e. 'i'lie ilis-tnr fenrcit ItrlKlit's dhwiuMsand
1. 1, it ninny roinedles thnt gnvo me no help,
iviei; Klier lias innilo me ns well ns ever In
i. y life, nml It sooms nlniost as tlmtiKli a
li.irnrlii Im'l heen wrowilit In my enso. Jen
mu tl. Itriiiiiiril, BprlUBtown, 1'n.
Celery King eiirrs Const Ipntlon nml Nerve,
iitomuobi I.lver and Kidney diseases. 41
For sale bv II. Alex Stoke.
is
Right this
Way for your
IMCTCKHS,
riCTUKi; FKAMIiS,
KASI'LS,
MOIXDINV.S,
HOOKS,
STATIONARY,
TUNS,
INK,
PENCILS,
IvTC.
C.'ibint't work of all
kinds m.'tdt' to order.
I'pholstcriiiK nnd rc
p.iir work of all kinds
done promptly.
We jiiiar.iii1.ee all our
work and you will find
our prices riht.
Also imcnis fur Kaiif tiiitent
Wlmliiw Si-ri'cii mid liir-iilf Itllmls
11 lilt Si'iei'il I Iimii k.
K-tliuiltcs cheerfully given. ,
i
4
4
4
Nortlianier & Kellock,
Wood iv i
11 it I
Woodivuril lliill.llnu.
,-tlnlii Street
Are yon in neeil of Statirn"
tiry? Call at Tun Stak of-
lico and get prices on printed
lettt'i'-lieadH, envulopep,
and all kinds of Job Work.
UDFFIILO, ROCHESTER i P1TTSBDRGH RT.
CONDENSED TIME TABLE
IX EFFECT JCLY 1, 1001.
north norxn.
F.ATKHN TIMK.
14
I.l'UVU. A.M.
)'ittshurir 1 I
.ll.Kln.nyf ,
!,u li-r
raivuvill,'
'Vi-ia MiHnivu. . J
:.'lni i
Iiiiytnii i
rillix-lllliwiu-y HT' a. M.
runxi-iilHiviii'y Iv t I-'1
r. h.
r. M.
9 00 .
t 4 10,10 00
10 12.
A 21 11
A ATi 12 01
6 20
H'l
ao W fa
7 :ui 1 20
7 SO 1 22
7 4!i 1 8&
8 ll1
I' in1 r. m.
11 o., i J l.'i
iliir Itnn fi :m
M. .Iillirliun. r
I u iL.iM r. ni
n I;
S 4; i
:t m
K 20 2 OA
fill la Cri'i'k 6 III
Urorkwiivvllln... . II at
f. M. I 2 12
1 tl.'l
l :t?
I 1:1
4 I'J
2 2H
a m
a id
4 14
liiiluwuv I 7 im
.IhIiiiiiiiIiiii'k 7 11
l r.i
A
jlt.Jl-WVU ti
i it
.ii'Utiui I -2l
2 S'J
t, '.it
Jii(lf,,r,l Ar. H .'
I A. 11
7 nu
A 00
I 7JIS
ii
I A. M.
P. M. I P. l.
r hi
720.
P. K. I P. M.
JlillTali
H'i licsu r .
. ,,r. 11 .Mi
Arrive. I A. f.
Ailililliuiiil triiln li'HVca Ilntlt-r for I'linxaiituw
Ji. y 7: l.'i A. u. iluily, uxi 'it Suiidii a.
Jidl'TlJUitlN'l)
i:.lS'l'KI'.X TIME.
I 13
1.UUYU.1 A. U.
r.. '....
l.v. 7
. it. I A. M. P. M.
J 4.'.!...
i u'ifci t "!'
P. M.
Hi 'OlU'Ht
!i'ir,iii
10 IA
a. u7
12 4A
M. I P.
. .rmlfnril Lv.i.
.Vvitin
Ii. Jvwctt ;.
.ii'liintoiiliui'K '
;uliiMHy
i.i'ui'kwftvviUc .. .1.
. :illii t'rt'i'k
t 7 4.-1! 12 10
0 IA
A:l
S '.II1 I'i
M 421 12 AH
7 1
0
1 4'Jl
8 IX)
8 IA
t) RA
111 i'
10 4i
11 imj
11 U7 .
2 02
2 S2
8 A:
2 41
0 Oil
:
V 22
0 4A
HI mi
iillnla 't ti ID1
i to
. iS M . JlllU'tlllll. 0 I
l-.lir Run..., 7 l:i
11 :n,
1 1 4.'i
I'liiixaulnii iuy nrl 7 2
ri'iixniltiiwni'y 1 vi 7 ftl
I '-(' 8 11
a :m
A. l
a s.
r, Jt.
Ki'ho H 2J
Wtat MiiKirruvu... H hi
CmiKSvlllu 0 tin!
aTaTT Mm
A 411
11 I-i
7 ao
A. M.
Jliitler 0 47
5
Alli'tihiiiiy I
I'ltuburK J '
11 IX)1
o 4.V
Aililitlonal train lenvi-a rimxautuwucy for llut
1. 1 l:;lo p. h. daily, cxnupt siiiuliij a.
Cl.EAKFII'XD 1UV1SION.
KAHTUkN TIMU.
70 72
A. H. P. H.
t 2 20
if 7 07 2 40
7 l.i B 2A
7 22 8 82
8 IHI 4 17
8 12 4 82
8 22 4 4A
A. X. P. M.
P. H.
P. M. Arrlvu. Leuve.
1 2i) Rpynolilavllle
1 IHI, Kulli. Cri'i'k
IAl
8 U7
l i HA i
lllllliilH.
8 IH)
12 28
11 4l
....C. & M. Jlllll'llllll. ,. .
C'urwiiHvllle
. .. Cli'urll'il, Mkt. St. .,
....Cleurira, N.V, C...
Leave. Arrlvo
7 21
7 08!
11 88
t 7 00 til Do
P. M.
A.M.
Pally. t Dally except Huuilay.
TralnaS anil Garoaiiliil veNtlbultMl, with hand
some day nmiiliea, uatVi, and rmdliunK chair vara.
Tralna2aiut 7 have Pullman 81eoicni between
Unlliiloailii I'ltUUurg, aud kucuuater aud fUU
burg. EDWARD C, LAPEY.
Uuurul tuiweiiKer Agent
( Form N. P. 2.) Uocbwur, N, T,
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD.
1WFFAI.O k Afd.KtmANY VAM,RY
DIVISION.
Low U ratio Division.
In Effect May 26, 1901. lEatlern Standard Tlma.1
Nolul
No.lM.No.UlliNolOtiNolO
stations.
liltMhnr. ...
Kelt Hunk.. ..
btlWHOIlliMIII
M.
A. M.lr. at. p. M.
t I.'... tail
1 1 m on
tl in
ll, t no
4 1" " W
4 Ml S 117
4 As 4"
6 (It ?s 4l
5 21 Hi OH
R :m ( tt
;.. Ml til III
til ftfll 1 87
li Ml
tO Ml ....
:m In OA
4ft ! 10
tl 411!
II
Nine Hclhlcliem
Oak lodge
MiiyxvMli'
Ill l:ti
III 'ill
111 -'il'
il 4;
II Ml
ii'ai
siiMiiiiei vine .
Ilroiikvillu.,,,
Iowa
I'tilli.r
Iteyiiolllsvillu
It) 41
II tin
I l!
nt 21
II in
n nil
10 Js
II tr
12 Ml
I lllll'OUMt
r'llllK('ict-k...
Illlllola
Silhllln
V lnl i i Imrii ..
I'l'iitillclil. . ..
Tyler
Itcniicxflie. .,
firiuit
lirl'twiHKl
w ;t
Ml 411
tl fix
II 4
M
1 ft'
(II M
7 17
I If?
7 2
I 4S
I ft:.
i hi
7 in
7 in
7 INI
7 41
7 t-n
s en
S Is
Note.
2 aw
tS its
S7 M
S 1 1
I II lrVI S 2i
. If.
ir. H.ir. m
Tru In 111 iNimihi vi Iimi vox I'lttMlmrff S nun m..
Hi d Hunk II. in Hi. K,k villi, t! 41. Iti yiiiildsvllle
i n. r mm i reek i.'.n. iiuiiiiIh i. i, p. in.
No IDS
A. M.
No Ids No 101 No, 114
No. II
. M.
I A r
tn 1
STATIONS.
iMIftWinill
M. A. M .
P. H.
i.v 1 1 :::
tir mil
TO 411 Ml nl
H. ii ni'ri't l e
0 M
ti
II SB
It M
7 (HI
7 tft
7 IH
7 IB
7 42
n 4s
7fis
in 13
is
I'vler
II
li SI!
13 lit
I'i :i
I'piiiillel'l
Wlnterbiirii ....
7
7 1
Hnliiilll
7 4:il
S Ml
U M
Iltilliils
Full!' reek
I'titieiuiHi
KeyiiiililflVllle..
Keller
town
n ji
I ll-'
1 'JO
i':rj
I mi
S 17
e
S IU
s'i':t
ts x
tl :t!
rj 41
ll
t7 HI
tS 21
ft mi
tft 44
T(l 4(1
01
ItriMikvllle
7 K.
7
7 47
S .Ml
ts 1(1
II IS
I Ml
it l-'l
ii i
SilliiliiervlUp....
a 11
MiivnvIIIh
s w
(hildtlck'f
7 .VI
tn
a :is
New Itethleliem
S III
s :n
;ii
t
n 4.1
7 H
iJiwMiinlintii
Ked Hunk...
liitnliurir. ..
II K
: mi
h 4-1
10 III
S '-11
7 Ml
ll If. :i ft :ti
III) lit
A. M.I p. m.le. ni.lF. M. p. M.
Triiln 043 (Siinflny) leaves Iliillnls 4.10 p.m.
Fnllx Creek 4.17, Ri-vnotilMvllli-4 :. Rnsikvllle
A.nn, Ked Hunk n.:m,i'litnhiiiir .:m p. in.
Triilns miirkeil run ilnlly: I tlully, except
Hiimluy ; t IIiik stntioii, where lxmiln must lie
HllllWII.
I'liliiulrljihlu A Krlo Ilttllroud DWIhIoii
Iii clTt'ct May 20th, li0l. Train luuvu
Driftwood um follow:
RAHTWAKh
0:00 n in -Train I-!, wcfkHuy, for Hunbury,
Vilkt'htim, Hiiatlt'tnii, I'oitsvllU. Kt'ruiilon,
llttrrirlnirjf nnd ihn Intorint'diiite ta
tliiii'. nrrlvlntf ut IMilhidflphlu 6:1 p.m.,
Nt w Yoi k. icid) p. ni. ; ItuUlhiore.aMJU p. m.f
SVuliinKlon, 7:m p. ni I'tillnmn I'arlor cn?
from WilllitinHport lo PhlltuJiflplila and paH
Huniror (mu;1ih from Kiino to Hhlludelplitn
iiiki wiuiuiiiHiMrt to ititiiimoi-o una wuHti-
In lt I on.
t.l.t.i m i u ,t..u.. ... u....iv..-u u..
ii i-ri vinir in riiimui'iphia i:r; p. m.,
York Ui:il d. in.. Ila t mori 7:: u. m.. Wh
iiiriiin i:.vi if. m. v hmi iiiii ii'ti uuriur i-i
ttim -t'iiuTr riifit inn, itiiiui4f iiiiaut'
lihiti mill WitKltltiiliin.
4:0.' p. m. Train 0. (iitiiy, ror unr-
.t.,1.... ,1 l...Hn.AfIl..lu ..l...a.
ill $ iiiiiiiii iiuiit ni I " a "in
7.1-ia. in.; liulilinoi-M, ii.: a. m.t WaHhlnrioii
4MCt a. fcf. 1'ullninn HlHopliitf earn from
.. Ill.llmli.li.l.lu A-'t . U . Mum V..a.Lr
HurriHlmry to rhUuumplila and Nt'W York.
I'ttiludi'lpl.tii, puHHt'iitftirn run rmalu In
hh'iMM'r undtHturlMMl until 7:Mi A. M.
1I:IN) p.m. Train 4, dally for Munlmry, HarrlH
biny and hitt'riiiediute HlatloiiH, arrlvlmi at
riiiludidplila, mt:l'X a. m. ; Nhw York,
A. m. on wvtk day nnd lO .tn a m. on Hun
duy; Haltimoro, :!." A. M.; WaAliintf ton, n:M
a. M. rulliniin hlteMn from Krle,
nnd Vlllhttiirtp4rt to IMiiladtdphla, nnd
WlltliiiiiHiMirt to WttNliliitflon. HuNHUiii(r
ro:n-lii'tt from Krlo to I'ltiliidulptila. untl
WIllianiM'ori to Hitltlmore.
I !: 17 p.m. Triiln 14, dally for Hunbury, Harrln
liurix and prttiripul iiittu niiMliiiieHliitiunH, ar
riving at VlilludWplmt tti u. in., Now York
u. ni. weekday), (I0..bt a. m., Hunduyi
tulliinoie7:lft a. m., WaMlilnulon, H:;U a m.
VeHtlliuled butl'et Nleeplntf earn and pun-
DM'iiuer I'ouchett, JIulTalo U t'hlladelphlu aud
Wasbliitlon.
ri WEST W A HI
;t:.m n. in. Train , dally for lluffalo via
KmHrliim.
4::w a. m. Train tt. dally for Erie, Kid
wav, and week day fir IhiKoln, Cioruiout
and principal Intermediate, Hint loim.
0:44 a m.Tralu it, daily for Erie and Inler
modialv polnU.
p. m.- riant 11, dally tot lluiralo via
Kmporlum.
5:4A p. nt.--Tialn rtl, weekday! for Kane and
intermediate ritiiLloim.
It. m. WKKKIIAYK.
tt. m.
in 4-'i III' Clei-iniilit Iv
II mi
II 04
II 117
II 10
II 111
II -jo
II
11 411
13 01
HI ;t
WiKKlvnl.
QllltlwiHrtl
Hnillh'H K u ii
Insliinti'r
Miniliilit
Gli-ti UhkhI
.lohiiHiniliiirir
Iv Hliluwayttr
Hi :tl
III a
III !
10 it
H M
0 40
p.m. n.iii.
i IS V .f
'u rn p.m. p.m.
J uu u 10 4 IA
7 07 U 17 4 2S
7 12 4 27
7 21 I'I H0 4 HI
7 2A l i :tl 4 M
7 2H 12 ;1 4 42
7 IB 12 40 4 4rt
7 4 12 AO 4 A
7 47 13 A4 4 A
7 At
7 A4 I 03 07
N 00 I 10 A 1A
8 l. 1 2A A III)
ii r Ithlwiiy Iv
Ulnli.l Kim
Cunii'ti ri-iii-fr
Cmyliinil
Mlmrlii MIIIh
IIIiik UiH-k
Ciirrli't
Hrm-kwity v'l
l.lllli-H AlilN
Mi'Minn .'-nil
lliirvi-ys Kun
Iv KiiIIh (,"k ur
Iv ImiIIiiIh nr
il
: ns
H 1
i ill
V il
In
II II
II 07
W
H .VI
H 47
H 41
H HI
h its
h
7 o:i
I .VI
I Al
I 47
I i:i
1 .11
I 214
in'"
1 1 1
I III
r iri
r in
ti a;
47
It 4.1
a';V.
tl :m
tl in
H M I i:i tl AH
tl l i 12 r ii 41
nr r"'iillHl"k Iv
KnviiiiliUvllIti
liriMikvllli.
Ni'W lli llil'iii
H III
M 'ft
8 AO
u ;i
I 20
I :a
1 AH
i :m
A II. I 12 'M tl III
4 ."I 1 1 47
4 Hi 11 10
l(,iil Hunk
III III
20
l :m ii no iv I'itirtbuiii.ir r; :e A ;J hi ia
p.m. m.iii ii. ni. ii.ni. p.m. p. in.
ror t uu-liiiih'M nml nililltliiiuil liifuruiailuii
I'llllKllll llrki't llriMilM.
j. ii. iit: ii'iu.Nst). j. ii. wuui),
t.Kii Miiniiiinr Ohm. I'hj. Ant.
00
1 i
2 21
2 87
S 11
8 2A
8 U
4 OH
4 11
4 20
4 AO
-4W
o
X- -
o
O
"3
1)
C3
CX
5
w
B
H
r!
m
5 17
A HO
II 00
4A