MARSHALL P. WILDER.
A Kki-trh of h Mttl. llnmnrln Wrl.
trn br IllnMHf.
I urns born nlno yours aftor Bill Nyo,
in tho stuto tif Nrw Vork. At 0110 yenr
I mucin a kick, nml my futlirr moved me
from tint of flip statu Into the pity of
New York. My father, Mt'g it pliyol
cinn, Inter took hip to Hurt ford for my
health, whero I lie.KRii to limli mid
grow fut. I have bet n laughing ever
tiiicp.
Jtr.first t'',r,,lor t,,n fa"". bnslnrs
Wn tiw red In iidi d son of the Jniler In
Hurl ford. He rlayeil Buffalo Uill tho
only ono who ever played the part with
red hair, but that wn his eoiieeption of
It. We made money. Our rIrko was the
scnlToliI, which wan kept In tho Hiirrct,
exrei when there wns a hanging, when
we took off the piny.
On retnrning to New York city, I
found niynelf withont the red headed
friend and withont meauR. For a time
I buried tuy talent In Brndstrect'a
agency as flln boy at 3 per week. I
mixed in do many jokes with my work
that the letter didn't read seriously
enough. Then I went to England and
waited for thinga to ootne my way.
They came iu a walk, while the S0 I
had left kept going iu a trot. I found
that living iu n smnll hull bedroom
niucio me narrow minded, so I staid out
in the park nevrrul night to give my
self room, aa well a to air my repertoy.
I concluded it waa weak in me to bury
my gifts dimply because I waa in hard
luck, no I began a series of free euter
taiunienta and became ao popular that I
began taking three cnpi of coffeo a day,
iustend of one, aa heretofore.
Among thorn who took advantage of
the cheap prices was the Prince of
Wulea. It cost him nothing to laugh, ao
he laughed. Several people wanted to
know whnt he wna lunching at. 11c re
plied, "That." I had told a joke abi.tit
the mother-in-law which atruck the
lost chord in the prince's heart and
woke up a responsive, sympathetic pang.
I have been charging all I could get for
my services ever since. Being a Repub
lican, I struck myself off the fiee list,
as I no longer consider myself raw ma
terial. For aeverul years now I have been in
this city, am known by nearly all the
etreet car drivers, who never fail to hunt
me up before I get off.
My family consists of my father,
whoso constant, patient companion I am.
In retaliation for my "gags" he prac
tices daily his school of homeoputhy
on me. It is hard to tell which gets the
worst of it. We have as many room a
we wish, but only one home. His head
is silver heart gold. We are pals.
In this autobiography I have, in my
shrinking way, left out most of my
strong points, as is becoming at such
times. Yet, if I have unjustly slander
ed myself, there be others who have the
right to set me square before an out
raged public. Fur bo it from me to do
myself justice. The end. Merrily yours.
Murshall P. Wilder iu Empire Mag
azine. GLUTTONY'S PENALTY.
Uvea That Arm Shortened bjr the PIcMnres
at Mi. Table
In spite of tho warnings and com
mands of family phj siciunt, in spite of
the many examples of shortened lives
and lives of guttering, men will yield
to thn seductiveness of the pleasures of
the table. The spectacle of the man
who overeata or who deliberately eats
improper food is common enough, but
rarely do we see aa plain evidence of
the admiration for the glutton which
certain people possess as that which the
daily papers some time ago afforded. A
well known boniface died at an age
When lie ought to huve been enjoying
robust and vigorous heulth. Some slight
mention was made of his business ven
tures,, of his duily life, of his reuson for
liviug. But all this part of his exist
ence was luiuiatcirul and uninteresting.
Tbo great and praiseworthy features of
his life seem to havo been gustronomio
feat and a general ability to eat and
drink enormously. He was lauded a
the prince of bon vivanta, tho man who
could eat a huge dinner and shortly
thereafter swallow a braoe of broiled
lobstors and a oouple of Welsh rabbits,
washed down with copious libations of
vintages or distillages or fernieutages.
Dnriug his last illness, when his pby
lieiaus enjoined rest in bed and a scru
pulously careful diet, we read that be
was game enough to drest and go ont
on the botel porch to sit, winding np
bis imprudence (and incidentally bis
life) with a hearty meal, in defiance of
the medical direotioua. This last piece
of bravado waa apparently considered
by certain newspaper reporters as an
achievement fit to rank with a victory
on a battlefield, and the glutton was ad
miringly mentioned as though he were
a brilliant and fearless hero, risking
bis life in a worthy cause.
The newspapers were not creating a
tentiment, but merely catering to one
already formed in thus aiding gluttony.
The only conclusion we can draw is
that the rpicureau philosophy still has
its cult, aud that many a man's motto
is, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow
we die. " The case is left to the moral
istAmerican Medioal-Suigioal Bul
letin. To Hake aa Oyster Cocktail.
An oyster cocktail is made by puttiug
into a glass half a dozen tiny little oys
ters, to which add a few drops of tabas
co, a pinch of salt, a teaspoonful of
Worcestershire sauce, a teaspoouful of
tomato ketchup and a tablepsoouful of
lemon juioe. Mrs. S. T. Borer in La
dies' Home Journal.
Bard Work.
"What was the hardest work yon ev
er did for a living?" asked the benevo
lent old lady of tliu weury pilgrim.
"gtealin. ronui. "Detroit Free Press.
Humboldt river, in Nevada, was
named by Fremont in honor of Boron
Humboldt
The syrinx, or bundle of rood pipes,
is the prototype of the bagpipe.
air Heary Itvtog's MaiMMlmttf.
The change) of fortune place people
sometimes in peculiar and rmbarransing
positions. A good story is told of Kir
Henry Irving, the famous actor. When
a young man, earning his lnnrels and
comparatively unknown, Shakespeare's
play "Much Ado About Nothing" was
about to be presented to the pnbltn by a
certain mannger of prominence. Irving
had a part assigned to him, which he
llllgently studied. Letter perfect iu his
lines, ho felt nssuied of ultimata suc
cess, lint unfortunately the malinger
diHliked his acting of it nml took occa
sion to censnro him before the compnny,
much to his mortification. Furthermore,
the manager took the pnrt away and
gnve him another, less prominent, but
more difficult.
Years went by, and Irving steadily
climbed to a fnme that bronght him
knighthood, while thn critical malinger
gradually lost ground. One day, shortly
after Irving announced his intention of
producing "Much Ado Abont Nothing,"
the old mnnnger preseuted himself and
asked that a part bo assigned to him.
Irving granted thn request uud tfave
him the very part he had forced him to
piny years before. During rehearsal
Irving narrowly watched the manager's
acting and at the conclusion went up to
him and shook his hand nfter gravely
complimenting him upon his rendering
of the part Then he promoted him to
the part from whleh he had been re
duced. "I never knew what 'coals of
fire' meaut till then," was the remark
which thn old actor and manager was
overheard to make when Irving retired.
Harper' Round Table.
Tho Awful Carlo ri.h.
A traveler in Venesuela give an in
teresting description of the fish of the
Orinoco country. He says the party sev
eral times came iu contact with the
carib fish, which are the most ferocious
inhabitants of tho water known. The
fish nrn not over 14 inches long, but
they travel in schools. Their teeth aro
three cornered. Any liviug object whHi
attracts their attention is attacked with
fury. Mr. Thompson tells of an Indian
woman who entered the water to fill n
bucket. She was attacked by tho fish
and reached shore only to dio in IS
minutes. The flesh waa literally torn
from her body. Mr. Dart, who was
with Mr. Thompson, caught one of the
fish and pulled it upon the bank. He
held the carib under his foot while he
pointed at the peculiar teeth with bia
finger. With a quick movement tbe car
lb flopped out from under Mr. Dart's
foot and seized him by tbe finger, cut
ting that member to the bone. The fish
frequently have been known to bite or
dinary fishhooks in two.
Another fish which the party ofteu
came across was tbe morocoto, tho flu
vor of which is like Lake Superior
whitefisb, only more delicate. The mo
rocoto is provided with molar teeth aud
subsists on vegetable matter, which it
thoroughly masticate before swallow
ing. Another peculiar create ro found
was the inorocoy, a species of land tur
tle, which at night utter a ory of won
derful sweetness, plaintive and clear.
Exohange.
Bolted Ore.
It is not geuerally known that it is
possible to salt ore with gold just as it
in possible for an unscrupulous man to
salt tbe mine in which gold is found.
In the one case the fraud is compara
tively easy to detect, while in the other
it would defyeveu an expert, and there
fore shareholders, induced by the over
flattering reports of a perfectly honest
assayer, could be readily taken in. Thn
gentleman who demonstrated this pos
sibility is a Mr. J. C Johnson of Adn
laido, Australia, who, making experi
ments with different salts of gold,
found that he could produce quite
natural looking specimens of gold bear
ing quarts from stone whose previous
assay showed that they contained no
particle of gold. Furthermore, tho gold
penetrate the (tone in the most natural
manner possible. Indeed, piece of this
artificially produced gold quart a were
exhibited some little time ago at the
Imperial institute in Edinburgh. Pear
son' Weekly.
French aa She Is Bpoko.
Tbe Emerald Islo i not the only hab
itat of bulls, and tbe connection be
tween the Oallio and Celtio race must
be close indeed, if the following gems,
given upon no less an authority than
that of tbe Journal dea Tribunaux a
emanation of the judioial mind in
France are to be considered genuine:
"Justice U not a clandestine cavern
where people are strangled behind their
backs."
"I esteem my honorable colleague too
highly to admit for a moment that he
can believe in tbe truth of what be al
leges. "
"That boose of business was bat a
forest of bandits. "
"The defunct took bis place at the ta
ble, meanwhile manifesting a keen dis
pleasure at not having been invited."
" Yon are to blame for building sump
tuous palaces that throw dust into peo
ple's eyes." New York Commercial.
Neither a Panpor Nor a Papa.
The Ottawa Herald notes that coca
sionally a littlo fun comes into the life
of a township assessor. At one bouse
Assessor Wharton found a young bride
who persisted in the declaration that
her husband had no occupation.
"You don't want me to set bimdown
as a pauper, do you?" facetiously in
quired Mr. Wharton.
"Law, nol" responded the young
wife, blushing furious. "We ain't been
married but six mouths." Kansas City
Jouruul.
. A Fair Offer.
"I can save you $5,000, Mr. Money
bags." "How ao?" ,
"Well, then, say yon will give your
daughter S0. (00 as a marriage por
tion." "Well?"
"Well, I'll take bei for 145,000."
Harper's Bazar. ?
Tho An Port.
Boon the summer pest, ant, will be
gin to worry the tidy housekeeper. Here
Is what Is alleged to be a sure remedy.
It is inexpensive and comparatively
harmless, at all events: Dissolve 1 part
of corrosive sublimate in 100 parts wa
ter, which will be a very strong dose.
Remove everything from tho shelve
Where the ant are, or the carpet from
the floor where they appear to come np,
and pour boiling water all around to
kill them end clean tho wood. Then
pour the corrosive sublimate over thn
shelves till it reaches all the cracks and
crevice aud let it dry iu. Then fill your
powder bellows with red pepper nnd
carefully blow tho cracks and crevices
full of that Cover tho Bhelvcs with pa
per or put your carpet buck in place,
and you will scarcely be troubled again.
"Often, " said the Cnniminsville sage,
"a man gets credit for having sense
enough to say nothing, when the truth
is that be hasn't sense enough to say
anything." Cincinnati Enquirer.
How to Be Handsome.
It Is a mlntukc to supH! that tho
only way to h good looking is to ho
burn so. (inod health Iiiih iiihto to do
with good looks than imytliinu i-lxc.
Such 'Hxi'BHes an coiiHtipatioti, ilyix'lwlii.
liver complaints, fh' umatlHin. nervous
dlHoi'dct'ri, &c, not only shorten life, hut
spoil temper and "looks." Ihicon's
Celery Kinjf for tho nerves euros these
trouhh'H. II. Alex. Stoke sella It and
trill give you a samplo package free.
Lartrc also 'Sin. and iiOe.
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. RED LETTER
Clearance Sale !
A. D. DEEMER &
for the next ten days offer La
dies' Oxford Ties, worth
LANCASTER GINGHAMS, 5c.
NORMANDIE tic.
BEST CALICO PRINTS, 4 and Sc.
CH ALLIES 8c, LAWNS 6, 8 and 10c.
EMBROIDERIES that were 8c. reduced to 5c; lOo.
and 121c. kind to 8c
GENTS' DRESS SHIRTS that were 50c, 75c. and
85c, reduced to 87c.
STRAW HATS, 50c kind at 83c.
A Few DRESS PATTERNS that were 6.00, ti.50
and $7.00, to go in this Bale at $4.00.
Ladies' Shirt Waists will be sold
regardless of cost or quality.
ft.
A Common Datiger.
If you have ever had a cold which yoi
permitted to "wcur away" It may In
torest. you to know that It was a danger
oub proceeding. Kvory cold and con
which Ih neglected paves tho way f
consumption, bronchitis, asthma
catarrh. Otto's Cure, the fiunon
(Inrnian throat and lung remedy, will
euro any cough or cold nnd save you
from consumption. Call on H. Ah'jt.
Stoko and get a xmnpiu hotllu free.
Largt size '1m:. nnd 'lOc.
WANTKIl KAITIII I I. MKN Oil WoMt.S'
to travel fur r-t ,i n-l 1 1 1- f-tt n 1 ,1 t-.i'i I'-.l
limine in rcimiyiviiiim. .tiitn-y f7a una ex !
ncn"4. I'diitliin h rmtinehl. IteO'ii'Mei'.y
KnrlM.,' (lf-timltcsM'l inmmcri envrlnpe
The Natlnmil, Huti- liiuninre iltdtf , t hleiiio.j
Capital,
Surplus.
S.)(,(KK)(
8:1.000,
'. Mitchell, rpNlilenit
Mrott IttoflellMiHl, Vice I' r ..(
John II. HiilK'her. 4'hler.
Directors:
U. Mitchell. Prott McClelland. ?. r. King,
John II. CotlH'lt, O. R. Iliosm,
M. W. Kullt.r. .1. II. Kiiueher.
floes n rcncrnMmnkhii:hiilncMHtHl Nollrltn
the ne,'niinl of nierrliiiius. profewhiiml men,
farmers, nieehanlci., nilarr, liimliermen hihI
nihcr. iirinnlHlin; ihe miMt eiu-eful intention
to Ihe ImihIiicmn of nil iHw-Hnns.
Hnfc lcpolt llnxes for rent.
Klrt Nntlniinl Hunk hulUllnit, Nolan ll.-k
Fire Proof Vault.
L. M. SNYDER,
Practical Horse-slioer
and General Blacksmith.
Hohto HiMHlnir (Imif In thn fitnt'tft rrmnnrr
nnd by tin I it t ont Itnprnvwl nit'ilKHU. ovttr
litfulttrrretit klnU of hImh runilt fur roi tac
tion of faulty lift Ion mid dlut'HMt-d fret. Only
1 lit hMt nrnkc of HhofM ntid tmiU nid. Kt
IihIiIiik of ull klndrt cureft.liy ttrid ptotniHly
(lone. HATIN FACT ION (ilTAKANTKKIl. LtllltU'r-
niPn'pmuppUeH on IihimI.
.Iftrknon Ht. nmr Fifth, HpynoldxvlUo, IV
WANTF.f-KAITIIKn, MKN OK WOMEN
" to trttviM for itHpoiiKlhlr ..( iibliniied
hourtP III IVntiflylvitnlii. Htilitry ilHi it rid rx
ih'iihcm. PoMhlon pvtruiHiirnt. Ko fore lire.
Km low w If -iiddresHrd miiniired envelop'.
The Nutlonal, Hliir liiMiii'itnoe Itldtf., I'hlcugo.
Of HEYXOr.ltSViLLK. : sv
f
00
$1.00 at $ .80
1.25 " .98
1.50 " 1.00
1.75 " 1.00
2.00 " 1.50
D. Deemcr & Go.
IClearance
Summer Goods!
GOODS LESS
All Organdies and Lappert Mull
at 10c. per yd., reduced from
18 cents.
Percales, Lawns and Dimities at
7 l-2c. a yd., reduced from 10.
Percales at 10c. a yd., reduced
from 12 l-2c.
Special sale in
LadieH' Shirt Waists that were 5()c. reduced to 22
W M .. 44 44 7 r)(. ,4 42
4 4 . 4 . 4 4 4 4 , .4 4g
" " ' 1.00 " 50
. 4 4 4 . 4 4 , . 4 Jf0 ,4 75
Reduction in all Muslin for the next four weeks. Apple
ton A Muslin reduced from 7c a yard to 54c; 5 and
5c. Muslin to 4ic. a yard.
WRAPPERS, in Percale, Lawn and . Dimity, below cost.
Wrappers that were $1.15, reduced to $ .90
14 1.35, " .99
" " " 1.50, " 1.00
1.75, " 1.25
Sun Bonnets at 19c, and all other goods in proportion.
N.
We
are always receiving new goods and can always give you
good values in
Dry Grood,
Notions, Clothing,
Hats and Caps,
Shoes, Etc.
We carry a complete stock of everything and you will find
our GROCERIES and PROVISIONS always up to
standard in quality, and the very lowest
price. We invite a share of your trade.
JEFFEltSON SUPPLY CO.
Sale!
IN
THAN COST!
Shirt waists!
HftNftU.