The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, June 07, 1912, Page PAGE SIX, Image 6

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Seais of the
Being the Gloomy Story of
a Traveling Showman
Copyright, 1907, by tho McCluro
Golden by day and silver by iiljjht, a
now tr.Hl now lends to us across the In
dian occnu. Dusky kings nnd princes
have found out our Bombay of the
west, nnd few be their trails that do
not lead down Hroadwny on their jour
ney for to ndmlrc nnd for to see.
If ch anco should ever loud you near
n hotel that transiently shelters some
one of these splendid touring grandees,
I counsel you to seek Lucullus Toll:
among the republican tuft hunters thai
besieeo Its entrances.
1 first saw Mr. Polk coming down
the steps of tho hotel at which sojourn
ed his highness tho gaekwar of Uaro
da, most enlightened of the Mnhrntln
princes, who of late ate bread nnd salt
in our metropolis of the Occident.
Lucullus moved rapidly as though
propelled by some potent moral force
that Imminently threatened to become
pllyslcal. Behind him closely follow
ed tho Impetus n hotel detective.
Safe on the sidewalk, Lucullus Polk
turned nnd shook a freckled fist at the
caravansary, nnd, to my Joy, he begun
to breathe deep Invective In strange
"Itldes in howdahs, docs he?" ho
cried loudly nnd sneerlngly. "lUdcs
on elephants In howdahs and calls
himself a prince! Kings yah! Comes
over here and talks horse till yon
would think ho was a president tind
jthen goes home and rides In a private
dining room strapped on to an ele
phant!" . Jt murmured a few words of sympn
. "Tho lnet ono I sold," continued the
displeased one, "was to that three
horse tailed Turkish pasha that came
over a year ago. Flvo hundred dollars
he paid for it, ensy."
As soon as Lucullus Polk got cool
enough I picked him up, and with no
greater effort than you would eruplov
In persuading a drowning man to
clutch a straw, I Inveigled him Into
accompanying mo to a cool corner in n
dim cafe.
And It come to pass that men serv
ants set before us brewage, and Lucul
lus Polk spake unto me, relating the
wherefores of his beleaguering the
antechambers of the princes of the
"Did you ever hear of tho S. A. and
A. P. railroad In Texas? Well, that
don't stand for Samaritan Actor's Aid
Philanthropy. I was down that way
managing a summer bunch of the gum
and syntax chewers that play the
ldlewlld parks In the western ham
lets. Of course we went to pieces
when the soubretto ran away with a
prominent barber of Beovllle. I don't
know what became of tho rest of the
company. I bellevo there were some
salaries due, and tho last I saw of the
troupe was when 1 told them that 43
cents was all tho treasury contained.
I say I never saw any of them after
that, but I heard them for about twen
ty minutes. I didn't have time to look
back. But after dark I camo out of
tho woods and struck the S. A. and
A. P. agent for means of transporta
tion, no at onco extended to me tho
courtesies of the entlro railroad, kind
ly warning me, however, not to get
aboard any of tho rolling stock.
"About 10 tho next morning I steps
off tho ties Into a village that calls
itself Atascosa City. I bought a thirty
cent breakfast and a ten cent cigar
and stood on Main street Jingling the
three pennies In my pocket dead
"All of a sudden, while I was stand
ing on tho edgo of tho wooden side
walk, down out of tho sky falls two
flno gold watches Into tho middle of
tho etrcct. One hits a chunk of mud
and sticks. Tho other falls, hard and
flies open, making a flno drizzle of lit
tle springs and screws and wheels. I
looks up for a balloon or an nlrshlp;
but, not seelnir any, I steps off the
sldowalk to Investigate.
"Hut I hear 11 couplo of yells and s"o
two men running up the street In loath
er overalls and high heeled boots and
cartwheel hats. Ono man la six or
eight feet high, with open plumbed
joints and a heartbroken cast of coun
tenance. Ho picks up the watch thai
has stuck In the mud. The other man,
who Is little, with pink hair and white
eyes, goes for tho empty case and snys,
'I win.' Then tho elevated pessimist
goes down uuder his leather leg hol
sters and hands n handful of twenty
dollar gold pieces to his albino friend.
"Tho llttlo man hustles away with a
kind of Swiss' movement toward a Jew
elry store. Tho heartbroken person
stoops over and takes a telescopic view
of my haberdashery.
" Them's a mighty slick outfit of ha
Ullmcnta you havo got on, II r. Man,'
says ho. 'Ill bet a hosa you never ac
quired tho right, titlo and interest In
nnd to them clothed in Atascosa City.'
"Why, no says I, being ready
enough to exchango personalities with
this moneyed monument of melancho
ly. 'I bad this suit tailored from a spe
cial lino of coatericka, yestures and
jwintlnfiH in St. Louis. Would you
mind putting me sane,' saye I, 'on this
.watch throwing contest?"
"Mo nnd George,' ho explains, 'are
up from the ranch, having a spell of
fun. Up to last month wo owned four
sections of watered grazing down on
tho San MlzueJ. But along comes ono
of theso oil proapoctors nnd begins to
bore, llo strikes a gusher that flows
out 30,000 or mnybo it was 20,000.000
barrels of oil n day. And mo and
George gets 3150,000375,000 apiece
for tho land. 80 now nnd then wo
saddles up nnd hlta tho brceza for Atas
cosa City for a few days of excitement
nnd damage.
" 'You must havo knocked around a
right smart,' goes on this oil grease
us. 'I shouldn't bo surprised If you
have saw towns more livelier thau
what Atascosa City Is.'
''Then this Mother Cnry's chick of
the desert sits down by me and we
hold n conversation fest. It seems that
he was money poor. He'd lived In
ranch camps nil his life, nnd he con
fessed to me ttmt his mipreine Idea of
luxury was to rldo into camp tired out
from a roundup, eat n pock of Mexican
benns, hobble his bralug with a pint of
raw whisky and go to sleep with his
boots for a pillow. When this barge
load of unexpected money enmo to him
and his pink hut perky partner George,
nnd they hied themselves to this clump
of outhouses callod Atascosa City, you
know what happened to them. They
had money to buy anything they want
ed, but they didn't know what to want.
Their Id-as of spcndthrlftlncss were
limited to three whisky, saddles nnd
gold watches.
"Was I on to the opportunity? Lis
ten. "In thirty minutes 1 had dashed oft
a word picture of metropolitan Joys
that mado llfo in Atascosa City look
as dull as a trip to Coney Island with
your own wife. In ten minutes moro
we shook bands on nn agreement thnt
I was to act as his guide, Interpreter
and friend in nnd to tho aforesaid
wassail and amenity. And Solomon
Mills, which was his name, was to pay
all expenses for a month. At tho end
of that time if I had mnde good as
director genornl of tho rowdy life ho
was to pay mo $1,000.
"Tho next day George, who was mar
ried or something, started back to the
ranch. Mo and Solly, as I now called
him, prepared to shako off our moth
balls and wing our way against tho
arc lights of tho Joyous east.
"Solly puts $0,000 In century bills In
ono pocket of his brawn ducks nnd
bills of lading for $10,000 on eastern
banks in another. Then I resumo dip
lomatic relations .with tho S. A. and
A. P., and wo hlko in a northwesterly
direction on our circuitous route to the
spice gardens of tho Yankee orient
"We stopped in San Antonio long
enough for Solly to buy eomo clothes
and eight rounds of drinks for the
guests and employees of the Monger
hotel and order four Mexican saddles
with silver trimmings nnd white An
gora suadcros to bo shipped down to
the ranch. From tbore wo mado n big
Jump to St Louis. Wo got there In
time for dinner, and I put our thumb
prints on the reglstor of tho most ex
pensive hotel in tho city.
" 'Now,' says I to Solly, with a wink
at myself, 'here's tho UrBt dinner sta
tion we've struck where we can get a
real good plate of beans.' And while
ho was up in his room trying to draw
water out of tho gas plpo I got ono
Auger in tho buttonholo of tho head
waiter's tuxedo, drew him apart. In
serted a two dollar bill and closed him
up again.
" 'Frankoyse,' says I, 'I have a pal
hero for dinner that's been subsisting
for years on cereals nnd short stogies.
You see tho chef and order a dinner
for us such as you servo to Davo Fran
cis and the general passenger ngent of
the Iron Mountain when they cat here.'
"At 0 o'clock mo nnd Solly sat down
to dinner. Spread! There's nothing
been stcn llko it since tho Cumbon
snack. It was nil served at once. The
chef called It dlnnay a la poker. It's n
famous thing among tho gonnands of
tho west. Tho dinner comes In threes
of a kind. There was guinea fowls,
guinea pigs nnd Guinness' stout; roast
vonl, mock turtle soup nnd chlckon
pate; shad roe, caviar and tapioca;
canvasbacl: duck, canvasback ham
and cottontail rabbit; Philadelphia ca
pon, fried snails and sloe gin, and so
on, in threes.
"I was sure Solly would bo tickled
to death with these hands after tho
bobtail flushes ho'd been oatlng on the
"We were in tho mnln dining room,
nd there was a Ono dressed crowd
"llo gazed ncross the table at me.
There was four square yards of It
looking like tho pnth of n cyclone thnt
has wandered through a stockyard, a
poultry farm, a vegetable garden nnd
an Irish linen mill. Solly gets up and
comes around to me.
" 'Luke,' says lie, 'I'm pretty hunpxy
after our ride. I thought you said thoy
had some beans here. I'm going out
and get something I can eat. You can
stny nnd monkey with this nrtlllclnl
layout of grub if you want to.'
" 'Walt n minute,' snys I.
"I called tho waiter and slapped 'S.
Mills' on tho back of the check for
"'What do you mean,' says I, 'b,
serving gontlcmen with a lot of truei;
only suitable for deck hands 011 a
Mississippi steamboat? We're goln
out to get something decent to eat.'
, "I walked up the street with the un
happy plainsman. He saw n snddle
shop open, and some of the sadness
faded from his eyes. Wo went In, and
he ordered and paid for two more sad
"Then ho goes out and heads toward
the river, following his nose. In n
little side street, where there wns no
street nnd no sidewalks and no houses,
he finds what he Is looking for. We
go Into a shanty and sit on high stools
among stevedorcH and boatmen and eat
beans with tin spoons: yes. sir, beans
beans boiled with salt pork.
" 'I kind of thought we'd strike some
over this way,' snys Solly.
"When wo had succumbed to the
beans I lends him out of the tarpaulin
steam under a lamppost and pnlls out
n dnlly paper with the amusement col
umn folded out.
" 'But now what ho for a merry
round of pleasure,' says I. 'Here's one
of Hall Cnine's ehows and n stock
yard company in "Hamlet" '
'But what does this healthy, wealthy
and wise man do but reach his arms
up to the second story windows and
gape noisily.
" 'Beckon I'll bo going to bed,' says
he. 'It's about my time. St Louis Is
a kind of quiet place, ain't It?'
'"Oh, yes, snys I; 'ever slneo the
railroads ran In here tho town's been
practically ruined. Guess we might
as well go to bed. Walt till you soe
Chicago, though. Shall we get tickets
for the Big Breeze tomorrow?'
"'Mought as well,' says Solly. 'I
reckon all those towns nre nbout ullke.'
"Well, ruaybo the wise cicerone and
persona! conductor didn't fall hard in
Chicago! Looloovllle on the Lake Is
supposed to have ono or two things In
it calculated to keep the rural visitor
awnke after the curfew rings, but not
for tho grass fed man of the pampas!
I tried him with theaters, rides in auto
mobiles, sails 011 the lake, champagne
suppers and ali those little Inventions
that hold the simple life in check, but
In vain. Polly grew sadder day by day.
And I got fearful about my salary .and
knew I must play my trump card. So"
1 mentioned New York to him and in
formed him that these western towns
were no more than gateways to the
great walled city of the whirling der
vishes. "After I bought the tickets I missed
Solly. I knew his habits by then, so in
a couple of hours I found lilm in a sad
dle shop.
"At tho depot I telegraphed a cigar
store man I knew In New Yprk to meet
me nt the Twenty-third street ferry
with a list of nil tho saddle stores In
the city. I wanted to know where to
look for Solly when he got lost.
"Now I'll tell you what happened In
New York.
"I began with him llko you'd food a
starving man. I showed him tho horse
cars on Broadway and the Stateu Is
land ferryboats. And then I piled up
the sensations on him, but always
keeping a lot of wanner ones up my
"At tho end of tho third day ho look
ed llko a coraposlto picture of 5,000
orphans too late to catch a picnic
steamboat, and I was wilting down a
colla overy two hours wondering how
I could please him nnd whether I was
going to get my thou.
"Oneo I thought I hnd him. I nailed
a pair of cuffs on him ono morning be
fore ho wns awako, and I dragged
him that evening to tho palm cage of
one of tho biggest hotels In tho city
to seo tho Johnnies and the Allce-Slt-by-the-Hours.
Thoy were out In nu
merous quantities, with tho fat of the
land showing in their clothes. While
wo were looking them over Solly di
vested himself of n fearful, rusty kind
of laugh, llko moving a folding bed
with ono roller broken. It was his first
In two weeks, nnd It gave mo hope.
" 'Bight you are,' says I. 'They're a
funny lot of postcards, aren't thoy?'
'"Oh, I wasn't thinking of them
dudes and culls on tho hoof, pays he.
'I was thinking of tho time mo and
George put sheep dip In Horseheitd
Johnson's whisky. I wish I was back
In Atascosa City,' says he.
"I felt a cold chill run down my
back. 'Mo to play and mnto In 0110
move,' says I to myself.
"I mado Solly promise to stny In tho
cafo for half nn hour, nnd I hiked out
In n cab to Lolabello Delatour's tlat
on Forty-third street. I know her
well. She wn3 a chorus irl in a
Broadway muBleal comedy.
"'Jane,' says I when I found her,
'I've ffot a friend from Texas hero,
no's all right, but woll, ho carries
weight. I'd like to glvo him a llttlo
whirl after tho show this overling
bubbles, you know, nnd a buzz out to
n casino for tho white bait and pickled
walnuts. Is It a go?
" "Can ho sing? asks Lolabello.
" 'You know,' says I, 'that I wouldn't
tako him away from homo unless his
notes were good. He's got pots of
money bean pots full of It.'
"Bring him nround after thr sec
ond net,' itiys I.olaliolle. 'nnd I ll ;x
amino hi credentials nnd securities.'
"So about 10 o'clock that evening 1
led Solly to Miss Delatour's dressing
room, aud her tnnld let us In. In ten
minutes In conies I-olnbelle fresh from
tho ttage, looking stunning In the cos
tumj sho wears when she steps from
the ranks of the lady grenadiers.
"As soon as Solly saw her lie got up
and walked straight out through the
stage entrance Into tho street. I fol
lowed him. Lolabello wasn't paying
my salary. 1 wondered whether any
body was.
" 'Luke,' says Solly outside. 'Hint was
an awful mistake. We must have go!
Into tho lady's prlvnte room. 1 hope
I'm gentleman enough to do anything
possible In the wny of npo'nales. Do
you reckon she'd ever forglvo tis?'
"'She may forget It.' snys I. 'Ol
course It was a mistake. Let's go
find somo beans.'
"That's tho way It went. But preltv
Boon nfterwnrd Solly failed to show up
nt dinner time for several days. I cor
nored him. He confessed that he had
found a restaurant on Third avenue
where they cooked benns in Texas
stylo. I made him take me there. The
minute I set foot Inside the door 1
throw up my hands.
"There was a young woman at the
desk, and Solly Introduced mo to her
And then we sat down and had benns
"Yes, sir, slttlug nt tho desk was the
kind of n young woman that can cutch
any man In tho world as easy ns lift
ing a finger. There's a way of doing
it. She knew. I saw her working it.
Sho was healthy looking aud plnln
dressed. She hnd her hair drawn b.ick
from her forehead and face no curls
or frizzes; that's the way sho looked.
Now I'll tell you tho way they work
the game; it's simple. When she wants
n man she manages It so that every
time ho looks nt her ho finds her look
lng at him. That's all.
"The next evening Solly was to go to
Coney Island with me nt 7. At 8
o'clock he hndn't showed up. I wont
out nnd found a cnb. I felt sure there
was something wrong.
"'Drive to the Back Home restau
rant on Third avenue,' says I. 'And if
I don't find what I want there tako In
these saddle shops.' I handed him the
" 'Boss,' says tho cabby, 'I ct a steak
in that restaurant once. If you're real
hungry I advise you to try the saddle
shops first'
" 'I'm n detective,' says I, 'and I don't
eat Hurry up!'
"As soon as I got to tho restaurant I
felt In tho lines of my palms that I
should beware of a tall, red, damfool
man, and I was going to lose a sum
of money.
"Solly wasn't there. Neither was the
smooth haired lady.
"I wnlted, nnd in an hour they came
in a cab nnd got out hnnd In hand. I
asked Solly to step around the corner
for a few words. He was grinnlns
clear across his face, but I had not ad
ministered the grin.
" 'She's the greatest that ever sniffed
the breeze,' says he.
" 'Congrats,' says I. 'I'd llko to havo
my thousand now, If you please.'
" 'Well, Luke,' says he, 'I don't know
that I've had such a skyhoodlln' fine
time under your tutelago and dispensa
tion. But I'll do the best I can for
you ril do tho best I can,' ho repeats.
'Me nnd Miss Skinner was married an
hour ago. We're leaving for Texas in
the morning.'
" 'Groat!' says I. 'Consider yourself
covered with rice and congress gaiters.
But don't let's tie so many satin bows
on our business relations that we lose
sight of 'cm. How about my honorari
um?' " 'Missis Mills,' eays ho, 'has taken
possession of my money and papers
except six bits. I told her what I'd
agreed to give you, but she says It's
an irreligious and illegal contract, and
she won't pay a cent of it But I ain't
going to soe you treated unfair,' says
he. 'I've got eighty-seven saddles on
the ranch what I've bought on this
trip, and when I get back I'm going to
pick out the best six in the lot aud
send 'em to you.' "
"And did he?" I asked when Lucul
lus ceased talking.
"ne did. And they are fit for kings
to ride on. Tho six he sent me must
havo cost 1dm $3,000. But whore Is
tho market for 'em? Who would buy
ono except ono of theso rajahs and
princes of Asia and Africa 7 I've got
'em all on tho list"
"It's a long time between custom
ers," I Tcntured.
"They're coming faster," said Polls.
"Nowadays when ono of tho murder
ing mutts gets clvillzod enough to abol
ish suttee and quit using his whiskers
for a napkin ho calls himself tho Boose
volt of the cast and comes over to In
vestigate our Chautauquas and cock
tails. I'll placo 'em all yet. Now, look
From an inside pocket he drew a
tightly folded newspaper with much
worn edges nnd Indicated n paragraph.
"Bead that," said the saddler to roy
alty. Tho paragraph ran thus:
Ilia hlglinotis Beyyld Feyaal bin Turltee,
Imam of Muskat, la ono of tho moat prn
i;reslvu and enlightened rulcru of the old
world. His stables contain mora than a
thousand horses of the purest PorsLtn
breed. It Is sold that this powerful prlnoo
contemplates a visit to tho United Sttttcn
at ah early dato.
"Thcror said Mr. Polk triumphantly.
"My beat saddle is as good as sold
the ono with turquoises set In tho rim
of tho cantle. Have you $3 that you
could loan mo for a short tlmo?"
It happened that I had, and I did.
If this should meet the eyo of tho
imam of Muskat may it quicken bis
whim to visit tho land of the free;
otherwise I fear that I shall bo longer
than a Bhort time separated from my
dollars throe.
Follow tho Pro
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The Ideal
pal and accrued ncome.
1-.--1 LLJ LIi P-V V. sT i
All of the crops of 1911 experimentally
tested and hand picked from the yield of the
justly celebrated gardens of Vick.
at the drug store of
C. C. Jadwin,
Honesdalc, Pa.
In your family you of course call
a reliable physician. Don't stop
at that; have his prescriptions
put up nt n reliable pharmacy,
even if it is a little farther from
your home than some other store.
You can find no moro reliable
store than ours. It would be im-
fioesible for more care to be taken
n the selection of drugs, etc., or
in the compounding. I'rescrip
tions brought here, cither night
or day, will be promptly and
accurately compounded by a
competent registered pharmacist
nnd the prices will be most rea
sonable. O. T. CHAMBERS,
Opp. D. A II. Station. Uo.nesdale. Pa.
A Pure Bred BLACK
weight 1500 pounds, aged six
years, will stand at Ariel, Monday
forenoons; at Canaan, Monday after
noons; at home, Cherry Ridge,
Tuesday afternoons; at Honosdalo
National barn, Saturdays. Ten dol
lars to insure. Also
a three-quarter black Percheron
Stallion, weight 1400, aged four
years, will stand at samo places and!
C. W. REINING, Cherry Ridge
Plans & Estimates
Residence, 1302 EastSt.
an Builder
of the estates of your minor chil
dren. It has the very best facilities
for the profitable and wise invest
ment and re investment of the princi
- The Scranton Trust Co.
510 Spruco Street.
Reciresenr Reliable
Companies ONLY