Tiifi citizen, Friday, September i, 1011.
NEW TALES
THAT ARE TOLD
Must Walk as He Talks.
Senator Martlne of Now Jersey, who 4
st present la highly entertaining tlie
ncnato by his Impromptu speeches in
which the procedure of the seuntc, or
dinarily respected. Is thrown to the
-winds, walks as ho orates. Usually a
senator addressing the senate or In in
terrupting a senator stands by a seat
at best, moving but little from It in the
excitement of his inspiration. But
Martlne cannot maintain himself thu3.
Ho must walk rapidly and for some
distanco as be talks, much after the
manner when ho used to "cradle" his
New Jersey farm, as ho says. So Mar-
tine is a circus to see as well as to
"WZ TONGUE AND LEGS MOVE AT THE
SAME TIMS."
listen to when he feels he must en
lighten some senator who professes to
know more about farming than ho
docs.
And bo accepts the fun with good
grace.
"Why do you walk so?" Senator Bai
ley asked him.
"I cannot help it," replied Martlne.
tnnoiio nnil 1Ma movo nt thn some
time Bomo reflex action somewhero.l
I have been reproved for this on tho
Btump by an Irishman. Finding me at
it as I am, he shouted:
"Say, nre you walking or are you
talking? If you are walking, then
walk; if you nre talking, then talk. Wo
can't hear you when you walk, and wo
can't boo you when you talk. Quit one
or both."
"But' hero I am. I have never been
cured.' Boston Advertiser.
STATESMEN WITH
BALD DOMES.
Mr. Longworth Not the Only
Matched Congressman.
If an nverago man were forced to
give a quick description of Representa
tive Nicholas Longworth of Ohio It is
ten to one that ho would make refer
ence to the absence of hair on the top
of his head. Representative William
S. Qrccno of Massachusetts sits very
near Representative Longworth in tho
house and also is bald.
Recently a pogo steppod to tho desk
of Representative Greene and said,
"You are wanted on the telephone."
Mr. Greene mado his way to the
booth in tho cloakroom and patiently
"helloed" until ho found that Repre
sentative Longworth was tho man who
-was wanted.
" Why did you send for mo when Mr.
Longworth was wanted?" demanded
Mr. Greene of the attendant.
"no's a new page," explained the
man, "and he got mixed."
"But you told him to get Mr. Greene,
didn't you?" asked tho Fall River rep
resentative. "Well, not exactly," apologized tho
attendant. "You sec, ho doesn't know
all of you yet. I told him to get a bald
headed man, and he brought you."
New York nerald.
Ral Thing Didn't 8ult.
Tho following story Is told of Sir
Henry Irving when he produced tho
play "Peter tho Great:"
It appears that at a rehearsal of the
play in question at the Lyceum theater
In London n wonderful climax had
been reached, which was to bo height
ened by tho effective uao of the usual
thunder and lightning. Tbo stago car
penter was given tho order. Tho words
wero spoken, and instantly a noise
which resembled n succession of pis
tol shots was beard off tho wings.
"What on earth are you doing, men?"
shouted Sir Henry, rushing behind tho
scenes. "Do you call that thunder?
It's not a bit llko it"
"Awfully sorry, sir," responded tho
carpenter, "but the fact is, sir, I
couldn't bear you because of the
storm. That was real thunder, sir!"
Human Lite
FOR SCHOOL DAYS. ;j
: r
A Practical Modal of ;
Mohair or Gingham. i
ONE OP TUB NEW PALI, FROCKS.
In either checked gingham or a light
weight chocked mohair this practical
little school dress might be developed.
Tho material hero used is green and
white checked mohair, with a trim
ming of green taffeta silk and fancy
gaeen and whito buttons with black
wood rims.
- U r.l.S.
A Dragon Fly Watch.
We have grown used to watches In
various guises, from tho tiny pendant
not bigger than a locket to the time
piece in an umbrella handle or set in
cardcaso or bracelet. The latest in
watches is an enormous dragon fly in
glittering gold studded with jewels
with n tiny watch bidden under one
of its wings. This Is worn as a pend
ant. It's Old Gilt Now.
. The quest of tho collector Is directed
nowadays toward objects of ol'd gilt,
which thirty or forty years ago were
often to bo seen decorating milady's
toilet table.
One of the Illustrations shows a
handsome specimen of old gilt, a pine
apple shaped conserve jar. Tho base
and top leaves are beautifully mod-
CONSEBVE JAR AND TRINKET BTAND.
eled in gilt, but tho pineapplo itself
Is of pressed glass. The whole piece
Is most attractive and unusual.
Tho other article pictured is a trin
ket stand, a tripod supporting three
dull glass eggs of a lovely robin's
egg blue, each surrounded by a nest
made of gilt wires. Every separate
wire is wrapped round and round with
another wire. All these aro quite Inde
pendent of each other and ore heavily
coated with 18 carat gold.
Such an ornament now adorns the
dressing table of a young girl whoso
mother received tho stand as a Christ
mas present before her marriage.
Tho most popular furs for next win
ter bid fair to be seal, pony, cara
cal and, for those who can afford It.
sable. Fox and opossum aro favored
for neckpieces. Moleskin, almost as
prohibitively in price as sable, is gain
ing popularity in Europe. Ermine nnd
chinchilla are always in demand for
dressy garments, nnd, with tho craze
for black, Ferslau lamb is advancing
even more in fashion. Linings, how
ever, will como in delicate shades of
violet, yellow, coral and cream.
Tho Coming Season's Furs.
In muffs and scarfs a rich looking
long haired fur is used. As to whether
tho coats will bo long or short opinion
differs, and milady must decide for
herself. The long coat expresses lux
ury and elegance. Tho short coat is
much more smart and, while not so
rich looking, is also not so expensive,
HUMOR OF THE DAY
How to Clean House.
Ilouseclcanlng time is dreaded Just- i
ly by a great many people, but the
thouRhtful husband may get It
through with in short order. Washing
windows, for Instance, is always gone
about In such an awkward way, tho
windows being washed in statu quo, so
to speak. A simpler way is to take tho
windows out and send them to the
laundry.
Dusting the pictures is also usually
attended with much hard work. A
quick and simple pl'au Is to take hold
of the frame firmly nnd swing the pic
ture back nnd forth, hitting it sharply
against tho wall each time. This dis
lodges the dust, which falls to the
floor nnd may easily bo swept up.
If you have no vacuum cleaner you
may improvise one with an old bicycle
pump by attaching a funnel to the
nozzle. Then work tho pump back
ward, so that instead of forcing the
air out it will be drawn in. The rugs
may soon bo cleaned in this way.
Washing tho woodwork Is another
futile procedure. Simply get a few
gallons of paint and paint over the
griino on the woodwork.
To repollsh the hardwood floors take
your wife's manicure buffer and sit
down in a comfortable position and
go to work. You will be surprised at
what a pleasant way this will bo to
while away tho evenings. Judge.
Why He Hated a Coward.
Miss Grace Strachan, president of
the Teachers' Association of New
York, was being congratulated on her
successful fight for equal pay for
women teachers.
"It is odd," said Miss Strachan,
smiling, "but tho men who most
earnestly opposed equal pay were men
of tho so called chivalrous type tho
type that says woman should be pro
tected, womnn's place is tho home,
and so forth.
"Protectors of this kind remind me
of a soldier named Carlyle.
"Carlyle, a veteran private, under
took to train n raw recruit. In tho
first battle Carlyle was heard repeat
ing over and over again to his recruit:
"Bo a man, lad. Don't duck. Don't
duck, I tell you. I'm behind you."
Washington Star.
In Search of His Home.
A peaceable resident of West Sixty
fifth street, New York, was rudely
awakened from sleep last week at
about 2:30 a. m. by a loud ring at his
doorbell.
Throwing open the window, ho stuck
his 'head out and in no very pleasant
manner demanded to know what was
wanted.
"Scuso me, sir," answered a mud
dled voice. "Does Jones hlchlc
livo hero?"
"Jones?" said the party addressed
angrily. "Of courso not. What the
devil do you mean by ringing people's
bells nt this time of morning? Who
are you, any way?"
"Who 'm I?" asked the disturbed, ap
parently surprised at not being recog
nized. "Why, I'm Jones." Llppln
cott's. He Lost.
An east end hostess tells us of a
young man who apologized for being
late to a dinner party.
"Wo'ro so glad you got here," she
said to him. "But whero is your
brother?"
"He has commissioned mo to tender
his regrets. You see, wo aro so busy
at tho office just now that it is impos
sible for both of us to get awuy at
once. So wo tossed up to see which
should have tho pleasure of coming
hero tonight."
"How original! And so you won?"
"No," ho replied absently; "I lost."
Boston Traveler.
The Deacon's Consolation.
Tho old gray mare interfered consid
erably ns she sped along tho pike, and
tho flashes of Are she emitted from her
hoofs ns her hind shoes clipped up
against those on her fore feet were
what the unregenerate call a caution.
"By gorry, Samnnthy!" cried the dea
con, with a broad smilo on his face as
he noticed tho flying spaks. "Mebbo I
can't afford to buy yo a hull otter
moblo all at oncet, but s'long as wo
hov olo Mnrthy Washln'ton here they
ain't no denyin' that we've got ono o'
tho allflrdest, most successful spnrk
plugs in Pike county." Harper's
Weekly.
Determined to Get Next.
"One of theso days yonll seo busi
ness is going to the dogs," said tho
cheerless person.
"I don't believe it," replied Mr.
Dustin Stax. "But if that time comes
you'll find mo running ono of the big
gest kennels on earth." Washington
Star.
Counting Up.
"Think of the golden moments you
have wasted playing bridge!" said the
serious friend.
"Yes," replied Mrs. Fllmgllt regret
fully, "besides a lot of silver coin nnd
paper currency." Washington Star.
It May Not Be Necessary,
"What's the reason Grlsby doesn't
apply for a dlvorco?"
Why, his wife has taken to mono
planing, and ho thinks bo might as
well wait" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Suspicious.
"Your m tur'wit is running very
smoothly i
"Yes: 1 '.. . -. settling's broken."
I'it'K'v
GEN. HARRISON 0. OTIS.
Los Angoles Editor Demands (
Protection In Firjlit on Unions. (
t
Los Angeles, Aug. 120.- General Har
rison Gray Otis, owner of the Los An
geles Times, whose plant the Mc
Numara brothers are accused of dyna
miting, has appealed to tho ik)11co for
protection. To the detectives wlio an
swered his Muuimous ho asserted that
some one unknown to him had called
him over the telephone and attempted
to frighten him Into paying $10,000 to
the fund for the defense of the Mc
Namaras on pain of being shot and
having his homo dynamited.
While the detectives were searching
the neighborhood of the general's
home some one called up police head
quarters and announced that two sus
picious characters were loitering in the
vicinity of the Otis residence. Detec
tives were rushed to tho spot In tho
police automobile, but failed to And
any signs of any such characters.
tndflng Extraordinary,
i'utli. .SileUmi
Oyster.
The above example of poor Indexing
is familiar to mu't of us, but hero arp
some new oucs which aro almost as
rich lu absurdity:
Paris, Judgment of
green, a polon.
Castor Oil. Us nature and uses.
and Pollux.
Hogg. James, the Ettrick Shepherd
On the
Bacon, Lord, his works
Best methods of curing
Green, History of tho English People
Peas. How to boll.
Lamb. Charles, essays of
Mary hud a little
Dickens, Household Words
What the
RKPV.II.KUX CYN1 IPAT1C
TilK.VSl'HElt.
FOIt
C!. W. TAYLOR,
Torrey, Pa.
FOi; COUNTY COMMISSIONER.
To tho Republican Voters of Wayne:
I hereby announce myself as a can
didate for the office of County Com
missioner, subject to the decision of
the Primaries to be held on Sept. 30.
It will be impossible for me to see
my largo number of the voters, I
therefore take this method of an
nouncing myself as a candidate and
soliciting your vote at tho Primaries.
MINOR BROWN,
Whlto Mills, Pa.
FOR COUNTY COMMISSIONER.
I hereby announce myself as a
candidate for the nomination for the
offlco- of County Commissioner sub
ject to the decision of the Republi
can voters at the coming primaries.
EARL ROCKWELL.
Lake Ariel, Pa.
SELECT GULLING
A Pistol That Stupefies.
Wo welcome the thoughtful German
inventor who is offering the Berlin po
lice thojport of pistol wo all require,
it Is fined not with powder and shot,
but with a combination of chemicals,
it does not kill for good or ill but
only for ten minutes. You fire at your
mat), and, though you do him no per
manent Injury, he Is nt your mercy long
enough to enable the weakest woman
to tie his legs together witli her hand
iest bit of raiment nnd run nwny or
call for help. But on second thought
we fear this weapon might get into
the wrong hands unless careful pre
cautions wero taken. On the right sldo
It would bo invaluable as a protection
of the just against the unjust. But it
Is passible that the unjust might Unci
It a useful aid to highway robbery and
burglary without the risk of tho cap
ital charge. Tho demlscmllethal pis
tol should bo Issued only under tho
recommendation of two magistrates
and three clergymen, with references to
solicitor nnd banker. Westminster Ga
zette. J. P. Morgan's Costly Cigars.
More celebrated In Wall street than
his art treasures are J. Pierpout Mor
gan's cigars. To add to tho sum of
human knowledge about great men,
tho writer got hold of one of his
smokes and examined, measured and
weighed It carefully. Exactly eight
Inches long; circtimferance at the fat
test girth 3Vi inches: half of the four
inches from the lighting end to tho
band very line and tapering; butt
massive for a good grip of the jaws:
surface of tho whole as smooth and
almost as shiny as a chocolate col
ored billiard ball; weight one ounce:
grown for him on- a specially reserved
llold near Havana, made for him by
specially selected workers, shaped for
him on a special model: price $1.50
nnh smoke. New York Press.
Asthma! Asthma!
POPHAM'S ASTHMA REMEDY
gives instant relief and an absolute cure
in all cases of Asthma, Bronchitis, and
Hay Fever. Sold by druggists ; mail on
receipt of price $i.oo.
Trial PackHRO by mall 10 cents.
WILLIAMS MFG. CO.. Prop... ClcTcland, Ohio
FOIt SALE BY
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FOR
RESULTS
JOSEPH N. WELCH
Fire
Insurance
The OLDEST Fire Insurance
Agency in Wayne County.
Office: Second floor Masonic Build
Ing, over 0. C. Jadwin's drug store,
Honsdalc.
M. LEE BRAMAN
EVERYTHING IIS LIVERY
Buss for Every Train and
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Horses always for sale
Boarding and Accomodation
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Prompt and polite attention
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ALLEN HOUSE BARN
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Designer and Man
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