PAGE 4
THE CITIZEN', FIUDAY, MAY ilO, 1011.
THE CITIZEIT
Scnil Weekly Founded 1008; AVccklr Founded 1844.
PUPMRIIED WKDKESDAT8 AIID FRIDAYS BV THE CITIZEN PUBUB1IISO CO.
KntPTfrt as second-class matter, at the postolUce. Honesdale. I'a.
K, II. HAKDEN'ISKKQII.
It. II. WITIIGRBEK. -J.
M. SMELTZEK
PKKSIDKNT
MANAGING EDITOR
- ASSOCIATE EDITOR
directors:
c. n, dokfllnokn, m. b.allen, ii. wilson, e, b. iiardenberoh, w. w. wood
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All nut Ice of shows, or other entertHlimu'iits held for the purpo'e
of making inoiicy or any Items tl'Ot contain advertising matte will
only be admitted to this piipri on payment of regular- advertising
rates. Xntln of entertainment for the licnellt of ehnr.-hes or for
charitable pin ioses where a up U charged, will be puhlihed at half
rates. Cnids ut thanks, memorial poetry and resolutions of respect
will also be ihnr'ed for at the rate of a cent u word.
The policy of the The Citizen is to print the local
neics in an interesting manner, to summarise the news of the
world at large, to fight for the right as this paper sees the
right, without fear or favor to the end that it may serve the best
interests of its readers and the welfare of the county.
' FIUDAY, MAY 20, 1011.
So Mayor Gaynor's life is Just one child's elop
ment after another.
0 0 0
Count that day lost and cross It out
That sends no White Hope up the spout.
0 0 0
J. P. Morgan says that the oil decision satisfies
him. That must take a load off the Supreme Court's
mind.
0 0 0
Last Friday It was said "Peace expected In Mex
ico Saturday." Must have been one of those week
end parties you read about.
0 0 0
Neither Mr. Roosevelt nor anybody else can take
the National Convention away from Mr. Taft with
out Mr. Taft's consent. Mr. Taft's re-election Is quite
another story. N. Y. World. A serial story continued
in 1912.
0 0 0
A girl, travelling with her mother in Rome be
came sick and the mother summoned a doctor from
California by cablegram. His flying trip across the
continent bids fair to break all records. News Item.
Bet his trip won't have anything on his bill.
0 0 0
Unless otherwise directed by Congress, all that
remains of the Ill-fated battleship Maine after It has
been raised from Havana Harbor and stripped of
parts of value, will be towed out to sea and sunk in
deep water. Seems to be a case of up again, down
again, rescue and drown again. "Remember the
Maine" and then sink her again.
0 0 0
HKI HULLS AND IMXK HEAVENS.
Irene Osgood, who has supposedly written a nov
el since the papers call Iter a novelist, is suing her
husband for a separation, because, in the words of her
counsel, hubby said he would " make her life a red
hell."
Of course, that isn't any nice way for a husband
to act. A red hell, or even' a black or blue hell, is
not' a fit' environment for a novellstic lady. It makes
her write books with unhappy endings and cuts into
the gate receipts. It is presumed that her husband
who writes in a letter, "I have cast alcohol away," did
so because the decanter was empty or else he must
have used a Boomerang Bottle. Don't know what a
Boomerang Bottle is? How stupid. A Boomerang
Bottle is a medium sized Fiask which, when "cast
away," circles around to the nearest bar and returns
filled to its owner's hip pocket.
After having repeatedly "cast alcohol away," the
writer's husband returned home seeing "pink heav
ens" and proceeded to make the happy home a "red
hell" by way of contrast, we suppose. Also, by way
of diversion, he once tried to strangle his wife on a
ship.
It seems likely that the lady will secure her sep
aration. We hope she will anyway. Then her hus
band will probably " mourn his loss " by drinking
black and white high balls until he dies.
In all events, the lady's experiences should make
capital material for a book on "Hells I have known"
no matter what the color may have been.
0 0 0
TO IiIE OH NOT TO LIU.
It is extremely doubtful If anybody ever journeyed
through this life of ours without at some time or
other having told a He. Of course thero are lies and
lies, and it is a mighty peculiar thing that those of us
who would rather die than soil our lips with a "black"
He have no compunction whatsoever at uttering what
Is popularly termed a "white" He.
"Tell Mrs. Brown I am not at home."
Some people would call this a lie and others
would say it was an excuse.
That old question, " Is it over right to He?" is
likely to bo revived by the wide publicity given to the
fact that the relatives and physicians in attendance on
the French Premier not only concealed from him the
death of the Minister of War, but told him that his
friend was still alive, says the N. Y. Times. The ex
cuse is the familiar one that in his weak state the re
covery of M. Monls would he imperiled by the shock
the truth would give him.
The adequacy of that excuse In cases of this kind
is never very seriously denied, and oven the most
rigid of moralists would bo likely to admit it when
the truth meant death, or danger of death, and false
'hood gave life, or even a better chance of life, to one
in whom he was deeply interested. People of a mor
ality less stern and arbitrary tell such "lies" without
hesitation or compunction, from an instinctive feeling
that the end justifies the means as, Indeed, It al
ways does when the standard of expediency Is suffi
ciently high and the means used are the only ones
by which a really deslrablo end can bo attained.
And It really takes a bad motive to make an in
dubitable He, exactly as it does to make an indubitable
murder. In the one Instance as in tho other there is
a borderland. Certainly all untruths, or nontruths,
are not lies, and fiction has its legitimate uses for
many peoplo besides tho novelists and lawyers. Still,
accuracy of 'statement is a fine thing, and tho reasons
for departure from It should be good. A few doctors
say that there is never any real need for outright ly
ing to patients, but the vast majority of the profession
are not so scrupulous and use unveraclty as readily by
their practice as they do any ono of a hundred other
poisons. 1 "
Success and failure each have seven letters, but
that doesn't prove anything, as far as the four letters
in work are concerned.
o o :
Without war a nation would degenerate, would j
become effeminate morally and physically, said Bishop
Codnian, In Portland, Me., last week. He may be a
Bishop but he talks like a !ish, a er cod, f'rin
stance. 0 0 0
A Brockton, Mass., woman who Is 97 says she
expects to live to be 100. One of her rules for ac
complishing this is never to gossip. Most women
would rather die nt twenty, is our entirely Innocuous
opinion.
0 0 0
"HOW TO HE HAPPY THOUGH MAUKIHD."
Such a delightful state of affairs as the one hint
ed at In the heading of this edltoiial is not as impos
sible as Is popularl) imagined.
For the benefit of at least two young and, let us
hastily add handsome and healthy bachelor barris
ters of this community, we will indite a few rules,
which if faithfully lollowed, will produce the desired
result.
To begin with, procuro a wife. This Is absolute
ly necessary to marriage. Accept no substitutes, not
even affinities. One wife is enough to experiment
with, and even a Mormon starts off gradually. It Is
quite easy to find a wife nowadays, much easier
than a good cook. Good cooks who will stay are so
very scarce. A wife has to stay. If she didn't she'd
lose her meal ticket.
A wife may be procured by an offer of marriage
or through a matrimonial agency. The latter Is safer
because then you don't know what you're getting.
This thing of speak-for-yourself-John Is all right in
poems and places where you can make faces at your
self in a mirror over the girl's shoulder when she
accepts you. Having secured a wife, you are then
ready to begin married life, providing you are not lucky
enough to have some one forbid the banns.
Now for tho rules to be happy after marrioge.
There are six of them.
The first is "get a divorce as soon as possible."
Tho other five don't count.
0 0 0
Little drops of whitewash,
Little grains of dough,
Make a Senator's toga
Clean as falling snough.
0 0 0
YOUR OPPORTUNITY.
i
Y
What Position Do You Want? You Can
Take Your Pick If You Win The Citi
zen's Scholarship Contest.
Banking
Assayer
Teacher
Chemist
Navigation
Bookkeeper
Toolmaking
Metallurgist
Architecture
Coal Mining
Stenographer
Gas Engineer
Civil Engineer
Blacksmithing
Metal Mining
Mine Surveyor
Patternmaking
Foundry Work
Boiler Designer
Marine Engineer
Bridge Engineer
Poultry Farming
Advertising Man
Mining Engineer
Commercial Law
Carpet Designing
Electric Lighting
Electric Railways
English Branches
Electric YVireman
Textile Designing
Telephone Expert
Foreman Plumber
Machine Designer
Window Trimming
R. R. Constructing
Agricultural Course
Municipal Engineer
Electrical Engineer
Show-Card Writing
Structural Engineer
Plumbing Inspector
Linoleum Designing
Stationary Engineer
Automobile Running .
Perspective Drawing
Mechanical Engineer
Sheet-Metal Worker
Bookcover Designing
Structural Draftsman
Wallpaper Designing
Ocean and Lake Pilot
Cotton Manufacturing
Mechanical Draftsman
Concrete Construction
Ornamental Designing
Refrigeration Engineer
Woolen Manufacturing
Monumental Draftsman
Commercial Illustrating
Surveying and Mapping
Telegraph Construction
Heating and Ventilation
Architectural Draftsman
Heavy Electric Traction
High-School Mathematics
Contracting and Building
Civil Service Examinations
Electric Machine Designer
Lettering and Sign Painting
Plumbing and Steam Fitting
DV CLIMB THE LADDER TO SUCCESS.
1
TH1P AROUND THE GLOHI3.
1 went around the globe last year.
That's a strange performance for an
old-ii.i.0 tjpesetter. I wanted to
sea a v. h..:;. was as dark and as far
bean. a iut limes ud tite advertise
ments i.au said she was. I found
her J. &. i.le same.
1 wanted to see if tho Japanese
man was short and bowlegged and
brown, aLd could live on a little and
fight loieer, and If ho worked all
the Unit and wasted nothing. I
found him just so. Everybody works
in Japan even father.
I wanted to learn if tho Pacific
was as quiet as it had the reputation
of being. It was.
1 wanted to learn of those two
Wheeled conveyances that they call
jlnrikishas, in which a fellow-being
goes between the shafts and yo.t ride
on a spi ing-seat. I wanted to know
if it was a comto: talile co.ivejunce.
And it is. You look arounu first
to see it anybody is looking oc you
until you get acquainted v. 1th driv
ing a fellow-being, without a line
and without a nosebag to feed him at
noon; but lie is there.
I had heard, through advertise
ments, that you could buy a white
suit of clothes for four dollars in
China.
And you can. The advertisement
was right; you could get them for
four dollars. They measure you
this morning, and put them on you
tomorrow morning. Tho Chinaman
sleeps when he has nothing else to
do. The American works when he
can't help it. That's the difference.
I wanted to learn if the Suez Ca
nal was over there, connecting the
Red Sea with tho Mediterranean, as
I had heard that It was, with the
desert on the right and on the left.
And It Is there.
I wanted to learn if the Red
Sea was near Sinai, over there where
the Law was given.
Sinai is over there, red and lumin
ous against the sky, where it hadn't
rained for three years.
I wanted to learn if it Is really
true that In Naples they drive a
cow around and milk her in front of
your house, and carry the milk to
you In a tin cup without any for
maldehyde in it. It is so.
And When the man was looking
away, I saw a great, healthy calf
taking the whole neighborhood. And
he was advertising the event with
his tail. He was full of enjoyment.
I wanted to see if the Pyramids
were there. They were built to en
able Napoleon to tell his soldiers that
forty centuries wore looking down
on them. They are there, with all
the mummies and everything con
cealed within their bodies. I want
ed to know many things, and I
went to find them out. I found ad
vertising in Japan Is done with cari
catures on tho wall; and the same
thing In China. If a Chinaman
wants another bottle of some goods,
he takes tho bottle and label back to
the place where he got it, and he will
take no other; and If there is the
change of a dot or the crossing of a
" t " on tho new label, he will bring
It back. The Chinaman is the most
immovable man (except the Eng
lishman) that there is on the globe.
Speaking about advertising, there
is one thing that needs to be adver
tised, .and that is the United States
of America and her merits and her
people.
I tell you that you have not a sin
cere friend on the globe, outside of
our own country. They may talk
it on the surface, but when you come
to scrape and get down in, you will
find at least an opponent, if not an
enemy, of Uncle Sam.
An Englishman was traveling with
mo when we reached Singapore or
near there. He said: "I wish we
could get to Singapore. I would
like to get a London paper to learn
the latest news In regard to the New
York Insurance scandal," looking at
me suspiciously. I said: "I wish we
could reach Slugapore. I want to
get a London paper. I want to see
what English lord or earl or duke
has eloped with some other man's
wife." Of course, then we didn't
speak for a couple of days. Inas
much as we two were the only English-speaking
peoplo on the ship, It
was lonesome.
I will tell you another thing. You
will never see an American flag
around this earth anywhere unless
you have it in your valise. Every
ship sails somebody's else flag, and
every pound of our freight is car
ried in the ships of the opposition.
When we were going through tho
Suez Canal this Englishman said:
"Here, Colonel, come around hero
on tho other side. There is an Amer
ican battleship going through tho
canal."
I hadn't seen the old flag for sixty
days, and I thought of tho "Mis
souri," or the "Indinna," or the
"Iowa," or tho "Kentucky" some
great vessel of the White Squadron
and I rushed madly around to the
other side, to see an old tramp ship,
black and weather-beaten, with her
sides as discolored as her smoke
stacks, and looking as if thero had
not been an ounce of paint on her
for twenty years; but from the stern
there streamed as spotless a sample
of the Star Spangled Banner as any
you ever laid eyes on.
I took off my hat. I said to the
Englishman: "Take off your hat and
saluto tho American flag, for that
is an American battleship. With
Just that kind of battleship we
whipped Great Britain twice."
Tho relations between tho Eng
lishman and mo were disturbed
again.
Seriously, we need a friend at
court. We need an advertising man
In every port in tho world. We need
somebody to raise his voice for
Undo Sara. All through tho Orient
you find everything made of Iron or
steel marked, "Made in Germany."
Why Is that so? Because Americans
will not make the kinds of goods
they want. They want a one-handled
plow In many countries, and tho
American manufacturer says, "Why,
you idiot, you, that ain't tho kind of
plow you want." And he loses tho
trade. Tho German says, "I yust
make vnt you want," and ho sells
tho goods.
The American everywhere thinks
bo must be a missionary instead of a
salesman. It is a big world, and if
you want to know of just what little
consequence you are, go around it.
I sometimes think that wo can see
more faults In our own country than
in any other country; and wo aro all
tho time advertising our faults, while
every other laud conceals Its faults.
Colonel Lafayette Young in The
Fra.
NATION' WIDE CAMPAIGN.
Proceeding on the theory that tho
coiiege-bred, scientific farmer is a
factor for good or ovll In tho rural
community into which he casts his
lot the Board of Education of tho
freibyterian church, leading all
other denominations in this specific
work, Is planning a nation wide cam
paign looking to the fostering of
higher moral standards In all state-1
aided institutions of higher educa
tion. At State College, Pennsylvania's
. :ii erslty, it is proposed to Invest
$76,000 in a nev church which will
be institutional In the sense that it
will co-operato with the Faculty of
Stato College in tho higher moral
development of the 400 Presbyter
ian students enrolled In the college
all of whom are practically barred
from attending the local Presbyter
ian church because It seats only
200 persons; less than tho Presby
terian population of the village of
State College.
Rev. Joseph Wilson Cochran, sec
retary of the Presbyterian Board
of Education, goes to Atlantic City
next week with an exhibit showing
the vast achievements of this Board
in connection with the universities
of America and he will undertake
to demonstrate the peculiar needs
of State College where, singularly
enough, the church facilities of all
denominations are particularly poor
while the general religious atmos
phere of the Institution Is better
than that of almost any other State
aided school in the country.
To illustrate the far reaching in
fluence of those identified with State
College Dr. Cochran directs attention
to the lectures and demonstrations
made "by the instructors and stu
dents of the Institution for the ben
efit of those denied the opportunity
to study scientific farming. Prof.
Van Norman, probably tho best in
formed man on the subject In Amer
ica, discussed the flanancing of a
model farm before a gathering of
practical and embryo farmers say
ing: "The phrase 'scientific manage
ment' has caught the attention of
the public. It means finding the
quickest, easiest and cheapest way
to do emcient work In a given time.
It. means the elimination of guess
work. The idea which it represents
has just as much application in the
agricultural world as it has In the
manufacturing world. Its Import
ance is less only in proportion as the
volume of business on tho farm is
less. Science as related to the growth
of plant and animal life has dono
much for the farmer, but this is
not sufficient. The science of busi
ness is his next need, and just as
guess methods for fertilizing, for
feeding and other things are being
superseded by exact knowledge of
fundamentals, so must tho guess
methods relating to the cost of pro
duction on the farm give way to ex
act knowledge.
"There are only two ways to in
crease profits. One is to increase the
selling prices; the other Is to re
duce cost of production. Where tho
selling price is fixed by general
market conditions the producer's
only recourse is in reduced cost of
production. Figures from the Cow
Test Association, organized among
the patrons of the State College
Creamery, show that on one farm
11 cows produced a margin of ?200
above the cost of their feed, for one
year. That four cows consumed ?20
worth of feed more than they pro
duced milk enough to pay for, so
that the herd of lfj only produced
$180 above the cost of feed. Sta
ted in other words, had this farmer
only kept the best 11 cows instead
of 15 ho would have had $20 more
margin; lio would have saved the
unnecessary labor of milking and
caring for four unprofitable cows;
would have had tho feed which they
consumed for other use.
"As It was he kept these unprofit
able cows these sometimes called
'robber cows' becauso he did not
know which ones they were before
ho joined tho Cow Testing Associa
tion. He kept them becauso the
whole herd showed a margin, and he
did not realize that the best cow
In his herd returned ?2.13 worth of
milk for each $1 worth of feed con
sumed, while four of the cows pro
duced only 37c. to 9Sc. worth of
milk for a ?1 worth of feed. Ho
did not have this information be
causo, llko the average farmer, oc
cupied with a multitude of varied
duties, ho found It difficult and often
Impracticable to do the clerical
work involved In securing this In
formation. "Out of this condition which ex
ists on thousands of farms has come
the organization of associations of
neighbors, who, in common, realiz
ing the need of learning which are
the unprofitable cows and what It
costs them to produce milk, join
their efforts and employ a man to
visit their farms regularly one day
a month, weigh the feed consumed
by each cow, wolgh the milk pro
duced and submit to tho owner a
monthly statement showing what
each cow in tho herd Is doing for the
current month. At the end of the
year tho owner has figures which
show conclusively tho relative pro
duction by and cost of production of
each cow in his herd. The plan Is
just tho same as may be found in
tho city when several storekeepers
finding it irksome to keep their own
books, yet not needing a bookkeeper
all of tho time, each employs part
of tho time of a bookkeeper to keep
their accounts.
"Where not exceeding 2G farm
ers within driving distance of each
other, own a total of not less than
400 cows tho Cow Testing Associa
tion can ne organized to employ all
the time of one man at an expense of
$1 per cow per year and board and
room for tho man at each farm while
he is there.
"The successful working out of
this plan Involves a spirit of co
operation and tho employment of a
man to do the testing who is com
petent to do tho work accurately and
acceptably.
'Pennsylvania has so far two as
sociations. Other dairy States such
as Michigan, Wisconsin and Maine
hnvo many. The milk shipper Is
Just ns much interested in tho cost
problem ns the creamery patron, but
frequently falls to realize the value
of the Cow Test Association becauso
he does not sell his milk by tho
test."
For Dress
Home or
Outing Wear
these hot Summer days, of
course, you want plenty of cool,
neat-looking Waists. Wo have
a magnificent line of Waists,
splendidly made of handsome
J and durable fabrics and attrac
tively priced.
SUMMER WAISTS
Our stock is well prepared
with suitable Waists for all oc
casions. Our most popular
Waist is the new two-color com
bination, the Season's new fad,
$l.BO value at 08c. Fifty differ
ent styles to select from; long
or "short sleeves, high or low
neck.
i THE GLOBE
i
DR. E. F. SCAN LOW,
Only Permanent Itesldent Specialist In
Scnmton.
TEN YKA1IS' SUCCESS IN THIS CITY.
CURING VARICOCELE
Varicocele Impairs the
vitality and destroys the
elements of manhood. I
dally demonstrate that
i varicocele can uc posi
i tlvely cured without the
organs being mutilated;
they are preserved and
strengthened: pain
! ceases almost Instantly;
swelling soon subsides;
1 healthy circulation i s
rapidly re-established. Dr. E. V. Scanlon,
and every part of the Varicocele Special
organism alfeeted by the 1st.
disease Is thoroughly re
stored. A written guarantee with every case
I accept. Write it you cannot call.
Consultation and examination free. Credit
can be arranged.
Ofllee Hours: 5 a. m. to 5 p. m., and 7 to
D p. m. ; Sundays, 12 to 1 p, m.
Omces 103 Linden St., SCrtANTO.V, PA.
(Opposite Postolllce )
Let US Do It 1
m
If you have a pre-
j scription to be filled, j
get it at our store by
I any means. p
Bring it, send it
or 'phone, and we p
shall call for it. $
Reason is, that
because prescrip
tions filled here
are filled absolute
ly right.
We have the drugs,
the equipment and
the knowledge, and
when we put ourseal
on a bottle, the con
tents of the bottle
are right.
PERCY L COLE
(Pharmacist)
1123 Main St., Honesdale, Pa.
Both 'phones.
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