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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 1011.
Modernizing Mother Goose'
How Dear Old Xonst-nso Might lie
The vandal hand- of progress,
which never rests and holds nothing
sacred, Is now stretched out toward
that precious heritage of childhood,
the fairy tale. "Why," demands the
educational reformer, "confuse the
minds of children by encouruglng
them' to live In an impossible world
peopled with gnomes and fairies and 1
genii, when the same enjoyment enn 1
bo given and more improvement as
sured by true stories from the lives
of George Washington and Benjamin 1
Franklin, Richard Arkwright and j
James Watt, and a host of later ,
Why, Indeed? Nature doubtless I
had the same double purpose In view1
In planting an Imagination In the1
mind Of man as in burdening his
body witli a vermiform appendix; to
prevent his becoming too well satis-1
lied with life, and to give the sclen-1
title men something to dig out. The -myths
of the classic era, the miracles
Middle Ages, have gone their way i
beforo the onslaughts of the higher
criticism, and now Cinderella and'
Santa Clans, Aladin and Jack the
Giant Killer must follow.
To old fogies mere is something
pathetic about all this destruction;
but if we are bound to have it, why
stop short of a complete job? Let
us go back to the roots of things
and modernize the Mother Goose
melodies taught to Infants on their
nurso's knee, so that even at that
early age they may scrape acquaint
ance with the real world in which
they are doomed to live. It will bo
necessary to call in the service of
poetical experts for this task; al
most anyone who can handle a liter
ary jack-knife is capable of whittling
out new tail pieces for the old fami
liar jingles. The rhymes and meter
of the revised versions are sure to be
at least as good as the original
forms. For instance, it Is never too
soon to begin impressing sanitary
impressions upon the young, so we
might sing this while clasping baby's
fat palms together:
I'at-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man!
1'at it. and bake It, as fast as you can.
But sterilize everything iirst, for my
To keep all bacteria out of my dishes.
Next to Its introduction to the de
tails of everyday domestic life, the
best thing we can give the infant
mind is a bent toward patriotism,
through some unobtrusive suggestion
Pussy-cat, Pussy-cat, where have you
I've been to London, to see tho queen.
"Well, Pussy, comparing their relative
Is monarchical government hetter
That will make easier, perhaps, the
succeeding educational step, an eco
nomic lesson from an old master:
Bah! bah, black sheep, have you any
Yes, sir, that I have three bags full;
One for my master, and one for the
And one for tho congressman who
framed the tariff bill.
Of course, among the first ques
tions to which the child will have to
address his intellect as it matures,
is the cause of tho continued in
crease in the cost of living. Why not
then equip him at once with the
terminology of the subject, while he
Is still so unsophisticated as to look
upon the whole thing as fun? Let
us try this stanza, which brings in
our familiar bogies, the middleman
and the stockyard barons:
Hi diddle, diddle, the man in tho
Made cows jump over the moon.
The Beef Trust roared, while prices
Where they won't come down
Or we might take a shy at the same
general theme in a somewhat broad
Old Mother Hubbard went to the
To get her poor dog a bone;
Hut when she got there the cupboard
And so her poor dog had none.
Although Mother Hubbard marveled
The simple fact, of course, is
That sho'd neglected to conserve
Her natural resources.
Thoro Is another view of a kindred
situation which we cannot in these
days afford to ignore:
This little pig had roast beef for din
This little pig had none.
The last little pig is a tolling serf
Who must feed on crusts and slch;
While the one with the woll-illled
To the predatory rich
Passing from economics to mor
als, heres a ditty on the enforce
ment of the liquor laws in up-to-date
Sing a song of sixpence, bottle full of
Four and twenty bar-keeps captured
by a spy
When the court is opened, they'll be
sent to jail
All except a few who skipped and
forfeited their bail.
But why not, by lengthening
somewhat tho accustomed version as
well as adding tho desired edifying
touches, combine in one jingle two
modem soci-economlc phenomena?
Let us see:
Old King Cole was a merry old soul;
A merry old soul was he!
Ho called for his pipe, and ho called
for his bowl,
And he called for his fiddlers
But only" two of the fiddlers came;
Tho third they said, was barred
From earning his living thenceforth,
He carried no union card.
Nor came tho pipe with its fragrant
Nor tho bowl with its golden brew;
For all such things had been driven
By tho W. C. T. U.
Here are a few .lines Indicative of
the state of mind of RooBovelt par
tisan associates six months ago, Tho
historic significance of the epoch is
Illinois Senator Proposes to
Give $100 Bonus For Each Baby
TJMOJJD BEALL Is s member of
be mayor of the city of Alton,
mayor" because of his friendly
Bcall believes in babies. He has
Some years ago attention was called to the fact that In Alton, as elsewhere
children were not welcomed in apartment houses. Mr. Beall had a few thou
sand dollars not needed in his machine shops lie has three of them and he
built an apartment house in which he
couraged. He did not make a rule requiring tenants to have children, but he
did say that inducements would he offered to couples that were visited ocen
slonally by tho stork. So the apartment house became- known as the "stork
flats," and Mr. Heal! was praised by young parents. When Mr. Beall recently
began his duties as an Illinois senator he Introduced a bill providing for the
payment from the public funds of $100 for each bnbv born within two years
after the rmi.Tlajre of the parents, nnd
In population th; bill provides a similar bounty for each baby born at inter
vals of not ni' '( than two years. The bill has not yet become a law, but the
stork mayor, now a stork senator. Is hopeful. A Chicago statistician has in
vestigated, and he reports that Mr. Heall's plan would cost the state more than
$2,000,000 annually in Chicago alone.
my apology for proposing their use
in the nursery:
Little Boy Blue, come blow your
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's
in the corn;
Insurgents are everywhere; noth
ing's the same
As when you went off to hunt Afri
On his return to his native land.
cannot we hear the prophet singing:
Hush-a-bye Party, upon tho treetop!
Factional winds cause the cradle to
If a split follows, the Party will fall;
Then down will come Standpats, In
surgents and all.
Speaking of insurgency for
somehow, politics will thrust them
selves into every modern jingle,
whether for babies or grown-ups
we can hardly escape from a trans
Uncle Joseph sat on a wall,
Uncle Joseph had a great fall,
Not all the standpat congressmen
Could make Uncle Joseph Speaker
If we find, as I am sure we shall,
that the modernization of our nur
sery jingles is as line a thing for the
infant in arms as the substitution of
real for fictitious heroes in juvenile
folklore for the learner in the next
higher grade, we might carry our
overhauling Into tho school readers,
and revamp one favorite metrical
compendium of useful information
in "this style:
What is that mother?
A horse, my child;
It was used while our ancestors still
And knew nothing of flying through
space by machine
With gongs and sirens and gasoline.
New York Evening Post.
Dr. Seargent is Wrong
"Woman is nearer the savage
state than man," asserts Prof. Dud
ley A. Sargent, director of physical
culture at Harvard. "Her 'develop
ment Is more primitive than man's,
just as the Indian is more primitive
than the white man." He goes on to
state that as woman is, biologically,
"more of a barbarian than man," she
has "a greater proportion of physical
Few of us will agree with tho
Professor's conclusions. For gen
erations we have considered woman
the embodiment of refinement, as
much superior to average man In de
licacy and the liner qualities as civi
lized man Is superior to tho savage.
She will not even concede to man
intellectual superiority, save In such
quantities as logic and mathematics.
Dr, Sargent's explanation that "wom
en have been developing their mus
cles while men have been developing
their brains" will not be accepted as
evidence in support of his conten
tion. Sweeping generalities are usu
ally Inaccurate, and in this case his
statement is contrary to tho facts.
Women in recent times have been
cultivating their brains with an en
ergy and earnestness that have made
heavy drains upon their vitality.
the Illinois state senate. He used to
where 1.? was known ,ae the "storl;
actions toward that fabled bird. Mr.
six in his family, two being twins
announced that children would be en
In order to encourage further increases
They can and do stand pain aitd
suffering with a fortitude that few
men exhibit, and bear their troubles
with a patience that does not belong
to man. But this is not evidence of
superior muscular development.
Man is of larger frame, has larg
er bones and a muscular develop
ment in proportion to his stature.
He is fitted to do the heavy work of
the world, and he does do It, except
in a few countries whore women
still are compelled to bear the bur
dens. Woman has been called the
"weaker vessel," not on account of
any lack of mental power, but purely
because of the superior physical
strength of man.
Dr. Sargent's ideas must be
"topsy turvey." They run contrary
to experience and are not borne out
by the facts. Woman's gift of intui
tion is often in its results superior
to man's reasoning, and while she has
not his brawn and muscle, alio has
ready sympathy, understanding, pity,
patience, endurance the finer qual
ities of mind and heart that make
her in many ways the highest pro
duct of our civilization. Baltimore
"There's a good deal of human
nature In the dog," laughed the old
farmer. "Watch Ponto now. He's
been "workin' for dear lifo to dig up
that old bone, an' now he'll lug It
off an' bury it somewhero else.
Want it? Not a bit. It's been lay
in' behind the barn for a week, an'
he could have had It any day, but
he never dreamed of wantin' It till
ho saw a neighbor's dog bring It out
i&s' v HOLDS
Kr in any;
O. C. JADWIIST.
an' bury it. Ponto'd dig an hour to
get It now; he's sure it's a treas
ure, Just because the other dog
"Well, ain't that a good deal the
way with us humans? Wo work
harder to supply ourselves with
things that other folks want than
for what wo really want ourselves
would want, I mean, if wo was left
to set our own Value on things.
Houses an clothes an' pleasures an'
business we judge 'em all by what
somebody else thinks of 'em. Even
our goodness Is too often what
somebody .else thinks Is right In
stead of what we've thought out for
ourselves. I suppose we'll all grow
into a braver an' more honest way
of llvln' somo time, but just now
wo'ro like Ponto we do a sight of
dlggln' for things we'd never want
If .somebody else hadn't set tho
fashion. Agricultural Epitomist.
Til 13 BOSS.
Imperious baby foot, so small,
When you have stamped, we haste
Imperious baby voice, your call
Shall send us questing with all
Your ball has disappeared the loss
Shall be repaired you are the boss.
Imperious hand, so warm and
From candy somewhat sticky,
You point, and Instantly we jump;
Your bidding we must quickly do,
Nor linger, lest our king grow
You are the boss, you are the boss.
Imperious eyes of deepest blue.
Who, then, could dally and be
When you command? Wo haste for
Each task is done ere you have
With hearts you play at pitch and
You are the boss, you are tho boss.
NO REASON FOR DOUBT.
A Statement of Facts Backed by a
Wo guarantee complete relief tu all
sufferers from constipation In every
case .where we- fail we will supply the
Itexall Orderlies are a gentle, ef
fective, dependable and safe bowel
regulator, strengthenei- and tonic
They re-establish nature's functions
In a quiet, easy way Tlie.v du not
cause iinj Inconvenience, sriplng or
nausea. They are so pleasant to tali?
and work so easily that they may be
taken by any one at any time. They
thoroughly tone up ill" whole system
to healthy activity
Itexall Orderlies are unsurpassable
and ideal for the use of children, old
folks and delicate persons. We cannot
too highly recommend them to all suf
ferers from any form of constipation
and Its attendant evils. Two sizes.
10c. nnd 25c. lteraember. you can ob
tain Itexall Itemedies in this communi
ty only at our store The ISetall Store.
A. M. LEINE.
Why pay the retail price, for furnU
turc? Our catalogue will save
you from20 to 30
For this handsome Buffet In Golden
Quartered Oak ola handsome figure. The
base is 45 inches long, 21 inches wide.
Three drawers (one lined for silver) and
two large and roomy cabinets. Top has
36 x 12 bevel plate mirror, also convenient
shelf, supported by tasty standards. This
Buffet is well made, beautifully finished
and 69 inches high. This particular Buf
fet cannot be matched in any retail store
for less than $18.(0 to 122.00.
Carefully packed and shipped,
freight charges prepaid, for $14.85.
Send today for our "Satis
faction Furniture at Factory
Figures" catalogue. Free.
BIN6HAMTON, N. Y.
ROADWAY and 11th ST.
NEW YORK CITY
Within er; aceex of every point of irt
tere.t. Htlf block from WBn.m.kirV
comlortabla appointments, c o u 1 1 e o v
ervice and homelike urroundinK.
Rooms $1.00 pnr day and 10
WHh privilege of Bath
$1.50 per day and up
Table d'Hole Breakfast . . 00o
WM.TAYLOR A SON. Inn.
jj MARTIN CAU FIELD 1
H Designer and Man- H
8 ufacturer of n
0 Office and Works jj
1036 MAIN ST.
HONESDALE, PA. I
M-f-t-t"t-t-4-t-f-t"t-t"M-- t t-f
would like to see you if
you are in the market
t JEWELRY, SILVER-
t WARE, WATCHES,
"Guaranteed articles only sold."
Have you a kick coming ?
Is there anything that displeases you ?
Are you unhappy and need cheering up ?
Has any little thing gone wrong ?
Tell us your troubles. Let us help you ?
For each of the three best kicks each week, The Citizen
will give n brand new crisp one dollar bill. Don't kick too
long. 50 words to a kick. No limit, however, to the num
ber of your kicks. You don't have to be a subscriber to be a
Open to everyone alike, men, women and children, subscribers and non-subscribers.
Old and young, rich and poor. Remember two cents a word for tbe
three best kicks.
There must be something you don't like.
Kick about it. What good is an editor any
way except to fix up the kicks of his read
ers? Relieve your mind and get a prize!
KICK! KICK ! KICK !
A few suggested subjects at which to kick! The weather, of course.
Tight fitting shoes. The high cost of living. The hobhlo skirt and the
Harem trousers. High hats on week days. Suffraglsm, etc., etc., etc. The
funnier tho better.
Several people have asked us If the fifty-word letters containing kicks
have to bo signed. How else will we know to whom to award the prlzesT
Whether in tho event of the letter winning a prize and being published,
the name of the kicker would appear Is another question. Undoubtedly
the writer's wishes would bo followed on that score. Our idea of the
"Kick Kontest" Includes everything except direct and offensive personali
ties. Sit right down now and dash off fifty words about anything you don't
like and want to register a kick against. It won't take you five minutes
and you may win a prize. The more original the subject tho better chance
for a prize. One dollar for less than five minutes work is pretty good pay.
Of courso you can make your kick as short as you wish. A clever fifteen
word kick may win a prize over a full-length fifty-word one. The shorter
the better. '
For the best kick of ten words or less The Citizen will pay an additional
prize of one dollar. Now then, lace up your shoes and let drive!
XL. ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-LAW.
Office adjacent to Post Office In Dimmlck
office, Honpstlaic. Pa.
WM. II. LEE,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-LAW,
Office over post office. All legal business
promptly attended to. Honesdale, Pa.
T! O. MUMFORD,
Xli. ATTORNEY & COUNSELOR-AT-LAW
Office Liberty Hall building, opposite the
'ost Office, llonesdnle. Pa.
ATTORNEY & COUNSEI.OTt-AT-T.AW
Office over Keif's store, Honesdale Pa.
niiARLEs a. Mccarty,
J ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-IT-LAW.
Special and prompt attention given tothr
collection ot claims. Office over Kelt's Inew
store. Honesdale. Pa.
ATTORNEY A COUNBELOR-AT-LAW
Office over the Post office Honesdale. Pa.
Tr E. SIMONS,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-LAW
Ofi'ico in tho Court House, Honpsdnle
ETER H. ILOFF,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-L A tV.
Office Second floor old Savlnus limb
building. Honesdulc. Pa.
QEARLE & SALMON,
D ATTORNEYS A COUNSELORS-AT-LAW
Offices latelv occupied by Judse Searle
CHESTER A. GARRATT, J
, ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-L AW.
Office adjacent to Post Office. Honesdale, P
TvR. E. T.
Office First flour, old Snvlnirs Hunk hultil.
inc. Honesdale. Pa.
DENTIST, HONESDALE, PA.
Office Hours 8 a. in. to fi j. m.
Any evenniL' by appointment.
Citizens' phone. 33. Kesidence. No. kb-X
H. PETERSON, M. D.
UZbMAIK STREET, HONESDALE, PA.
Eye and Ear a specialty. The fitting ot glass-
es given careful attent
MRS. C. M. IIONESTEEL,
GLEN EYRE, PIKE CO., PA.,
Certified Nurse.ll'. S. N.
Telephone Glen Eyre.
Xi moved his livery establishment from
corner Chuch street to Whitney's Ston
Barn ALL CALLS
PROMPTLY ATTENDED TO.
FIRST CLASS OUTFITS. 76yl
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