THK CITIZHN, WKDNKSDAY, rUIJRUARY 15, 1011
The
Scrap Boole
Why Ho Wept.
A medieval sultan hatl such nn alarm
ingly grotesque nnd ugly face that, ae
had all the mirrors removed from his
palace so that he
might avoid the
pain of seelntr
his own features.
This tt u 1 1 a n
called on his
Brand vizier one
day and by ncd
dent happened to
catch sight of
hlsrcllectlon. Ills
hideousness over
powered him, and
i i. i .. ,.in.
lent sobbing. In
nnoKB into vioi-csT tllla outburst the
sodding vlzlcr pron,I)tly
Joined. Finally the sultan calmed down,
wiped his eyes and got ready to smoko
and talk, but not so the vizier. He
sobbed on and
on. His master,
tapping his slip
per Impatiently
on the cushions,
waited for him
to cease.
At length the
sultan got angry
and exclaimed:
"Why do you
weep longer than
I, Tlzler?"
"Alas," the
grand vizier re
plied, "you wept,
HE BOBBED ON.
O commander of the faithful, because
you saw your face but for an Instant,
but I see It all day and every day."
Today.
Bay not tomorrow. Today Is your own
To parcel as you will.
For who can tell that when the day has
flown
Ho shall be living still?
Oh, blest Is he whose dally balance sheet
Brings perfect work to view,
Whoso closing day leaves no task Incom
plete For other hands to do!
Tomorrow's but a Jack-o'-lantern sprite
That flees the laggard's clasp.
Today's the power whose hand of gracious
might
Holds fortune In Its grasp.
Picked Out the Largest.
There was a good but grouchy short
stop in one of the minor league clubs
a few years ago who had a grudgo
against an umpire. Before the game
the player bragged to his teammates
of what he would do to the umpire
If tho umpire started anything on the
field. There was no trouble, it hap
pened, and when tho club got back to
the clubhouse tho shortstop told Ills
teammates how lucky the umpire was
that he did not try to renew the trou
ble between them.
"I was ready for him," said the
shortstop, "for I would have laid him
out. I have two largo pool balls In
my pocket I brought out from the
hotel, and I'd have soaked him wiili
them. They were tho largest I cou'.d
find, too, for I picked out the fourtern
and the llfteen." Philadelphia Satur
day Evening Post.
Worrying the Golfer.
After the bungling golf beginner
missed the ball seven times the caddy
held up his hand.
"There's a man ganging across In
front of ye," he said.
"What If ho is?" retorted the novice,
very red from his exertions. "I didn't
tell him to!"
"Yo maun cry 'Fore!' if there's any
body in the way when ye're gaun tao
hit the ba"
"That's all very well," exclaimed
the novico angrily, "but how am I to
know when I'm going to hit the ball?"
A Hot Bird.
There was a queer prank played b.
several members of a Walnut street
club ou a fellow member who u few-
days ago made tho rather rash an
nouncement that ho never so forgot
himself ns to becomo Intoxicated.
The friends of "the man with the
iron will," as he was at onco nnmed.
determined to prove that ho had made
a false boast. So he was invited tu
nttend a banquet at a fashionable ho
tel. Sparkling wine flowed freely.
and ho very soon "forgot." Then hi
friends paid for a room in the fourth
floor. Tho "man with tho iron will
was put to bed.
Ills friends smeared his body with
vaseline and then, that he might not
take cold, rolled him in a mass .of
feathers obtained by slitting open a
pair of pillows. They turned on the
steam heat full force and left. In
about three hours "the man with tho
iron will" stirred uneasily. In a mo
ment his eyes opened.
In a bewildered fashion he glanced
at his hands nnd saw that he was
covered with feathers. Ho gasped.
Then a thought struck him, and he
muttered, "This must bo hades aril 1
am a bird." Philadelphia Times.
Forgetting Himself.
An elderly gentleman who knew
something of law lived In on Irish
village where no lawyers had ever
penetrated and was In the habit of
making the wills of his neighbors.
At nn early hour one morning he
4as aroused from his slumber by n
knocking at his gate and, putting his
head out of tho window, he nsked who
was there.
"It's me, your honor raddy Flaher
ty. I could not get a wink of sleep
thinking of the will I have made."
"What's the matter with the will?
asked the lawyer.
"Matter, indeed!" replied Tat
"Shure, I've not left myself a three
legged stool to sit upon!"
Future Docks
Of New York
At Montauk?
Qui'
V the war depart
ment continues
to refuse per
mission for a
further exten
sion of New
York's Hudson
river piers, tho
m o t r o p oils of
America faces
the possibility
of losing some of
1 1 s commerce.
This situation
arises from the
fact that the
present piers are not largo enough for
tho huge new steamers that are being
constructed in Kngland and other coun
tries. It being a condition, not a theory.
that confronts New York, many plans
are being hatched to permit the con
ntructlon of longer piers near by to
prevent the levlathlan steamers from
seeking other ports, such as Boston
and Philadelphia, which might accom
modate tliem.
Foremost among these projects Is
tho construction of a new city by the
sea at Montaut Point, the eastern ex
tremity of Long Island, 114 miles from
New York, and nt present a train Jour
ney of some two hours. Matters have
gone so far that Congressman W. W.
Cocks of New York has asked for a
survey of Fort Pond bay as a prelimi
nary to making Montauk Point a port
of entry. One of tho big railroad com
panies and some prominent capitalists
are said to be behind the movement.
Tho development of Montauk Into a
new port for New York was a dream
of the late Austin Corbin, the pro
jector of the railroad which now cov
ers Long Island, twenty-five years ago.
It was termed fantastic nt the time.
but is now a serious proposition.
The situation in the Hudson river is
simple. The present piers for the
transatlantic liners arc but 825 feet in
mi Turn K 3 homs
amine sreAMsxip
tarrt micimcquiusfson
anio hours from
MONTAUK POINT
M0NTA.uK?0
MAP OP L0NO ISLAND, SHOWING AVAILA-
DIIiITY OF MONTAUK VOINT AS NEW
YOBK'S FDTUltE DOCKING PLACE.
length, ample until a few years ago.
The new steamers will bo nearly !)00
feet in length, and tho war depart
ment declines to permit pier extension
because of tho narrowing effect it
would have on the river. Tho steam
er Interests have considered tho possi
bilities of Montauk, Staten Island and
Boston, but have mndo no decision as
yet. They are awaiting final action
from tho Tftilted States government.
Approximately 10,000 acres of wood
land, saud dunes and rolling hills,
embracing an area of about twelve
square miles of land, six Interior fresh
water lakes and thirty miles of coast
frontage along the Atlantic ocean and
Long Island sound form tho area af
fected by the proposed transformation.
"Fort Pond bay is tho center of the
plans. This is a natural harbor, hav
ing a depth of sixty feet of water. It
Is claimed that with steamers landing
at Montauk instead of New York eight
hours -would be saved and the dangers
of the voyage along tho south shore
of Long Island eliminated.
It is proposed to run through trains
from Montauk if tho harbor plans ma
terialize, this being made possible by
the East river railroad tunnels, nnd it
is asserted thnt a passenger from
abroad Tvho desired to reach San
Francisco quickly could save half a
day by taldng n train at Montauk. It
is also claimed that transferring of
mall -would be greatly expedited, as
It could no sorted on mail cars en
route to New York, saving almost n
day In lnrnflllng.
Even If the 'Montauk plan Is adopted
It will bo Bomo time before the city of
the sea arises. It would take two
years to build the necessary piers and
to doublo tho present railroad facill
ties. Then an act of congress would
bo required to establish a port and
construct a breakwater.
Caught on the Brain.
Governor John K. Tener of Pcnnsyl
vanla, the former professional base
ball player, has come to bat with a
on story of the
greatest piay in
baseball he had
ever seen.
"It took place In
an nmatcur game
at Charlerol," the
governor said,
"The teams were
playing on a wet
field, and an out
fielder who wore
a derby hat went
after a high fly.
Ho camo to a lit
tie pond and, tak
ing bis eyo off
fiii- tho ball, made a
JUkUl LVI UV3D
la he was leaping the ball struck him
m tho head, went through tho crowc
it bis hat and lodged there.
"The base runner was out, yet the
fielder had, not touched the ball with
Ids hands. Can you beat that?'
-ssrocTsr pan t-i
HINTS FOR THE
BUSY HOUSEWIFE
Bed Attachment For Raising
the Spring.
A bed spring is nn unwieldy thing
for anybody to manipulate, and It is
particularly difficult for a woman to
raise and turn it about for cleaning.
An Illinois man has Invented an at
tachment which is In n senso automat
ic and which will enable a child to lift
a bed spring so equipped. The attach
ment consists of a series of rods pivot
ed together and attached to one end
of the spring nnd tho lower part of
the bed. A strong spring controls their
movement, so that they remain In
whatover position desired. If n wo
man wants to clean the bed springs
all she has to do is to lift one end,
which will rise as easy ns the top of a
box couch, on the principle of which
this invention works, nnd tilt the
springs nt any angle she wants them.
Graham Bread Steamed.
Three cupfuls of graham flour, one
cupful of white flour, one level tea
spoonful of salt, three level teaspoon
fills of soda, one-third cupful of sugar,
one-half cupful of molasses (sennt)
nnd two and one-half cupfuls of sour
milk. Stir together the graham flour,
white flour, salt, soda nnd sugar. Add
tho molasses nnd milk and bent thor
oughly. Pour Into a buttered brown
brend mold and steam for three and
one-half hours. Pound baking powder
cans are excellent molds for steamed
breads and puddings. When used
steam for a shorter time.
Planked Steak With Oysters.
Have a sirloin neatly trimmed; put
it on the broiler; broil five minutes on
one side, turn and broil Ave minutes
on the other side. Make the planking
board very hot while the steak is broil
ing. Put the steak on, garnish tho
board quickly with mashed potatoes
and put it under tho broiler. Turn the
steak onco. Dust it with salt and pep
per and rub it with butter. Cover tho
top with oysters, then run It again uii
dor tho broiler for a few minutes,
Serve very hot.
Scallop Chowder.
Fry three slices of salt pork, add
two quarts of water, six potatoes
pared aud sliced and three medium
sized onions sliced. Season with salt
and pepper and cook until the vegeta
bles are nearly tender. Add one cup
ful of canned tomatoes, a rounding ta-
blespoonful of flour rubbed smooth in
a little milk and one quart of scallops.
Cook ten minutes, add one quart of hot
milk nnd let the chowder come to tho
boiling point. Serve with crackers.
Oat Flake Wafers.
Beat three-fourths of a cupful of
butter to a cream; gradually beat In
two cupfuls of sugar, then two cup
fuls of oatmeal, hnlf a cupful of boll
ing water, half a tcaspoonful of salt
and one tenspoonful of soda sifted
with one cupful of flour. Mix thor
oughly, adding flour as it is needed to
mako a dough. Boll very thin, cut in
squares nnd bake in a quick oven.
Chocolate Blancmange.
One quart milk, three level table
spoons granulated gelatin, two ounces
chocolate melted, three-fourths cup
sugar, one teaspoon vanilla. Put gel
atin nnd milk into double boiler.
When tho milk is scalded add It grad
ually to tho chocolate. Add the sugar
and remove from tho fire. Add vanilla
pour Into n mold wet with cold water
and chill. Serve with cream.
Potato Blocks.
Boll and mash one pound of pota
toes; add one ounce of butter, the yolk
of an egg, pepper and salt and one
tcaspoonful of chopped parsley. Knend
all together, then roll out on a floured
board to about one Inch nnd a half
thick; cut Into blocks. Brush over
with milk and brown nicely in the
oven. Theso nre a nlco accompani
ment to cold meat.
A Laundry Hint.
To whiten handkerchiefs which have
becomo discolored through careless
washing, dissolve some pipe clay In
warm water and leave them to soak
In the solution all night. Next day
wash and boil the handkerchiefs in the
usual manner, and they will bo won
derfully improved In appearance.
Scrambled Scallops.
Boll one-half pint of scallops till ten
der, drain and pick them apart. Mix
them with two well beaten eggs nnd
two tablespoonfuls of milk and salt
and pepper to taste. Cook In tho fry
Ing pan In hot butter, stirring as they
thicken, and when tho egg Is firm turn
out on to buttered tonst.
HUMOR OF THE DAY
How to Keep a Friend.
Always ask him how much he won
at poker and express surprise If he
says he lost.
Tell him ho looks well In any old
hat if ho asks your opinion of his new
headpiece.
Agree with him that his homo town
Is a good place to conio from and don't
emphasize "come."
Never try to borrow money.
Don't criticise his neckties or his
mustache.
Don't correct his French.
Laugh when ho tells a Joke, but don't
try to tell him nny.
Let him alone when ho becomes fool
ish about some girl.
Ask him why he never pursued tho
study of music when ho tries to show
you how the latest song hit goes aud
don't smile when you do It.
Assure him that you couldn't think
of presuming to advise him if he asks
your opinion on any weighty subject
or the stock market, for exnmple.
Obey these rules and he will tell your
acquaintances that you are a good .guy,
but absolutely colorless. Boy It. At
kinson in Puck.
Pride.
'They say Jepson was arrested once
for beating his wife."
'I shouldn't think he'd ever want to
look anybody iu the face after that."
"He seems to be rather proud of it.
She was acting as the strong woman
in a circus when ho met her." Chi
cago Record-Herald.
Dead Game.
Bricklayer (to mate, who had just
had a hodful of bricks fall on his feet)
Drop 'em on yer toe! That's noth-
in'. Why, I seen a bloke get killed
stone dend an' 'e never made such a
blomln' fuss as you're doln'. Tit-Bits.
Future Uses.
"Do you think airships will be used
for smuggling?"
"Certainly not," said the aviator.
"But they will come In handy in ena
bling us to avoid the big hats at a base
ball game." Washington Star.
His Job.
"What's the matter, little boy?"
"M-maw's gone an' drowned all the
kittens."
"Dear, dear! Now, that's too bad."
"Yep; she p-promised boohoo! 'at I
c'u'd do it." Harper's Weekly.
Another Kick.
The Duke And you really called on
the heiress? Did you meet the head
of tho house?
Tho Count (sadly) Ach, no! I think
I must have mot zee foot. St. Louis
Globe-Democrat.
Everything to Fit.
"I hear tho people who have moved
next door arc folks of the strictest in
tegrity." "Strict? I should say so! "Why,
even their piano Is upright" Balti
more American.
Natural Conclusion.
Mabel Yes, I'll marry you.
Jack Oh, I am in tho seventh
heaven!
Mabel Oh, Jack! And have six oth
er girls accepted you already? Cleve
land Leader.
Making Suro of a Fee.
Tho Millionaire Doctor, Is it abso
lutely necessary to remove my appen
dix? "Not absolutely, but It Is safer to be
gin with some simple operation like
that." Life.
Force of Habit Too Strong.
Diner How is it that most of the
things ou your bill of fare nre struck
out?
Waiter (confidingly) Our new man
ager used to be an editor. Boston
Transcript.
Obstructions.
Bacon I see it is said that a camel
can travel a hundred miles a day.
Egbert ne could travel more than
that in a day if he could get his hump
in tho car door. Yonkers Statesman.
His Self Measurement.
Seymour JNo wins certainly has a
good opinion of himself.
Ashley Yes, he's the limit. He can't
see an ad. for a first class man without
answering it. Chicago News.
A Friend.
"Are you a friend of hers?"
"Yes, Indeed. Whenever there's a
man she's particularly anxious to win
I'm tho one she Invites him to meet."
Detroit Free Press.
They Always Do,
Hewitt Ho is always offering free
advice.
Jewett Yes; he would tell a cross
eyed man to shoot straight. New York
Press.
Why Not "Self Made?"
"Are you a self made man?"
"No; my wife furnished tho speclfl
cations." Pittsburg Post.
Slighted.
Couldn't speak to me las' night
'Cause yo' had a beau.
Ac lak yo' had los' yo' sight.
Knowed yo' hadn't, though.
To' know w'en I come 'long by
Yo1 Jes' helt yo' hald as high
Lak yo'd business In de sky.
Wen yo' com' Into do chu'eh
Wouldn't notice me.
Well, I aln' a-carln' much
Causa yo' didn't see.
On'y I want yo' t' know
Dat w'en yo' ain't got no beau
Needn't speak t' me no mo',
Llpplncott's.
Schoolboy Blunders.
Tho University Correspondent re-
contlj offered n prize for schoolboy
uilstales. Here are a few examples:
'Mute, inglorious Milton" these epi
taphs are used by a writer who was
envious of Milton's being poet orient.
He finds "sermons in stones" express
es the same idea as Wordsworth's
'the restless stone chat all day long Is
heard." Calvlu was a noted scientist
and peer, who died lately. Naples is
an independent state In tho north of
India. Shakespeare made a mistake
In mentioning Galen, who did not live
until a hundred years nftcr his time.
The feminine of fox is foxhen. John
Burns was the name of one of the
Inlmants to the throne of Scotlnud in
the reign of Edward 1. The pyramids
are a range of mountains between
France and Spain. The three highest
mountains In Scotland arc Ben Nevis,
Bun Lomond and Ben Jonson. Wolsey
saved his life by dying on tho way
from York to London. When the Eng
lish first landed in Australia tho only
four footed animal in tho country was
a rat. Monsoons nre fertile gorges be
tween the Himalayas.
When Bjornson Died..
BJornsonV. son, In describing tho last
hours of his father, writes: "Now and
then the bright flame of his humor
flickered up. The doctor felt his puls;
and said it was good. With his face
beaming with humor he turned toward
n mill wiild 'I nm tlif. lhat mnii to flip
with a good pulse.' Ho said one even J
Ing and it seemed as if an old wise
man was speaking witn tho weigni or
experience, 'Now I could write yes,
now I could write, for I have been in
the realms of death aud have felt tho
pain that attends death.' And when
all of us thought that tho Indifference
of death was upon him my mother.
who always gave hiin his food, which
hi; would receive only from her, stood
at the bedside with a brooch on her
breast whicli she had worn at her con
firmationthen he opened his eyes and
looked at her. Ho smiled, lifted his
hand and touched tho brooch. This
was the last sign to the outer world ho
was able to give."
A Cold Ride.
All through his life Senator Dolllver
of Iowa had a horror of fast trains
and possible railroad wrecks. Once ho
was on a train with Vice President
Fairbanks.
Dolllver awoke In the middle of the
night, and it seemed to him that the
train was going at terrific speed. Ho
climbed out of his berth and, arrayed
only in ids pajamas, started down the
length of the train to find the con
ductor and ask him to order tho train
run at less speed. It was a cold night,
but tho senntor did not mind that until
the door of his car .snapped shut aud
locked. behind him nnd he found thnt
the door of tho next coach was also
locked. He rode sixty-five miles locked
out In tho cold of the vestibule before
ho could wake up anybody to lot him
In. Mr. Fairbanks finally heard his
cries for help and rescued him. New
York Tribune.
A Mighty Difference.
Brougham used to tell an anecdote
about the flight from Waterloo. Na
poleon was greatly depressed. Ills aid
riding beside him thought he might bo
sorrowing over the loss of so many old
comrades at arms aud tried to comfort
him by saying that Wellington also
must have lost many friends. "lie has
not lost tho battle." was tho reply.
NO CAUSE TO DOUBT.
A Statement of Facts Backed by a
Strong Guarantee.
We guarantee immediate and posi
tive relief to all sufferers from consti
pation. In every case where our rem
edy fails to do this we will supply it
free. That's a frank statement of
facts, and we want you to substantiate
them at our risk.
Rexall Orderlies nrea gentle, effec
tive, dependable and safe bowel regu
lator, strengthener and tonic, that are
eaten like candy. They re-establish
nature's functions in a quiet, easy way.
They do not cause any Inconvenience,
griping or nausea. They are so pleas
ant to take, and work so easily, that
they may be taken by any one nt any
time. They thoroughly tone up the
whole system to healthy activity.
They have a most beneficial action
upon tho liver.
Rexall Orderlies are unsurpassable
and ideal for the use of children,
old folks und delicate persons. We
cannot too highly recommend them
to all sufferers from any form of
constipation and its attendant evils.
That's why we back our faith in them
with our promise of money back
If they do not give entire satisfac
tion. Two sizes: VI tablets 10 cents
and 30 tablets 25 cents. Remem
ber you can obtain Rexall Remedies
only at our store The Rexall Store.
A. M. LEINE.
T-N THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE
1 UNITED bTATES FOR THE MID
DLE DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVA
NIA. MANUEL JACOBSON of Honesdale
Wayno county, Pennsylvania, a
bankrupt under the Act of Congress
of July 1, 1898, having applied for
a full discharge from all debts
provable against his estate under
said Act, notice is hereby given to
all known creditors and other per
sons in Interest, to appear before
the said court at Scranton, In said
district, on tho 28th day of Febru
ary, 1011, at 10 o'clock in the fore
noon, to show cause, If any they
have, why the prayer of the, said
petitioner should not be granted,
EDWARD R. W, 8EARLE,
Clark.
The Haddock's Spots.
The haddock has a superstition
attached to it. On each side of tho
shoulders near the gills Is a dark
spot, fabled to be the impression
.ado by the finger and thumb of
St. Peter when he took It up and
found the penny in Its mouth to pay
tribute to Caesar with.
i An Kxpcnsivc Plant.
The Ivy plant which established
Itself In a crovlci of tho tower of'St.
John the Baptist church at Yardbor
ough, Lincolnshire, England, under-i
mined tho foundation and lifted!
stones out of place until it cost over"
$3,000 to make repairs.
Good Swimmers.
All German soldiers must learn to)
Bwlm. Soms of them are so expert
that with their clothing on their
heads and carrying guns and ammu
nition, they can swim several hun
dred yards.
W. C. SPRY
AUCTIONEER
HOLDS SALES ANYWHERE
IN STATE.
AUDITOR'S NOTICE.
ESTATE OF
SAItAII K. NKWCOMU.
Late of Vestal Center, N. V., deceased.
The undersigned, an auditor appointed U
repurt distribution of said estate, will attend
to tue amies or nis uppouumeni, on
SATURDAY. March 4, 1911. ;
at 10 o'clock, a. m.,nt hlsolTlce In the borouph
of Honesdale, ut which time and place all
claims against said estate must bo presented,
or recourse to the fund for distribution win
be lost.
U. P. SliAKl.K. Auditor.
Honesdale. Feb. 7. 1011. lOeoB
AUDITOR'S NOTICK
Estate of JOHN GROMLICfH,
Late of Lake Township, decenscd.
The undersigned, an Auditor appointed
to pass upon exceptions, re state the ac
count If necessary, hear and determine art
claims on the assets and renortdlstribution
of said estate, will attend to the duties of his
appointment, on
THURSDAY. MARCH 2, 1911,
at 2 o'clock p. m., at his olllce In the borough
of Honesdale, at which time and place all
claims against said estate must be presented
or recourse to the fund for distribution will
bo lost wai. it. i.KJS, Auditor.
Honesdale. Feb. 7, 1911. 58w3
TOTlCE Oh ADMINISTRATION,
IN ESTATE OF
WILLIAM PEMVARDKN, OREGON TWP
All nersons Indebted to said estate nre noti
fied to make Immediate nnvment to the un
dersigned ; and those having claims against
the said estate are notified to present them
duly attested, for settlement.
K. DARWIN PKNWAltDEN.
LEVI V. PEN WARDEN,
Executors.
Carley Brook. Pa., Jan. 18. 1911.
JOSEPH N. WELCH
The OLDEST Fire Insurance
Agency in Wayne County.
Office: Second floor Masonic Build
ing, over C. C. Jadwin's drug store,
Honesdale.
aa::am::mmm::iu::::mt:a
I MARTIN CAUFIELD 8
t h
tt it
ueiji&iici auu iriuu- g
ufacturer of
ARTISTIC j
MEMORIALS
Office and Works
1036 MAIN ST.
HONESDALE, PA,
ntmitttttminitnminttnnnnnmttn
M. LEE BRAMAN
EVERYTHING IN LIVERY
Buss for Every Train and
Town Calls.
Horses always for sale
Boarding and Accomodations
for Farmers
Prompt and polite attention
at all times.
ALLEN HOUSE BARN
Aa BLAKE1
AUCTIONEER & CATTLE DEALER
You will make money
byhavineme.
I BELL PHONE &-U
Bethany, Pa.