Tllli. CITIZtt. . Fill HAY, NOVKMUHIt 18, J010.
THE GOLD THAT
GUTTERED
A Revolution That Failed Because
of a Blond Pompadour.
By O. HENRY.
(Copyright, 1910, by Doubleday, Taso &
company.!
A story with n moral nppended
Hkc tile bill of n mosquito. It bores
you and then Injects n stinging drop
to Irrltnto your conscience; therefore
let us have the moral first nnd bo done
with It All Is not boW that glitters
but It Is n wise child that keeps the
stopper In his bottle of testing acid.
Where Broadway skirts tho cornet
of the square presided over by George
the Veracious Is the Llttlo Illalto.
Westward and southward from the
Thespian glare are ono or two streets
where a Spanish American colony has
huddled for n llttla tropical warmth
In the nipping north. The center ot
life in this precinct is El Refugio, a
cafe and restaurant that caters to the
Tolatllc exiles from the south.
One day a Hamburg-American liner
deposited upon pier No. 55 General
rcrrlco Xlmenes Vlllablanca Falcon, a
passenger from Cartagena. The gen
eral was between n clay bank and a
bay In complexion, had a forty-two
Inch waist and stood flvo feet four
with his Du Barry heels.
General Falcon had enough English
under his hat to enable him to Inquire
his way to the street In which El Re
fugio stood. When he reached that
neighborhood he saw a sign before a
respectable red brick house that read.
"Hotel Espanol." In tho window was
a. card in Spanish, "Aqul so habla
Espanol." The general entered, sure
of a congenial port.
In tho cozy office was Mrs. O'Brien,
tho proprietress. She had blond oh,
unlmpcachably blond! hair. For tho
rest she was amiability and ran large
ly to Inches around. General Falcon
brushed the floor with his broad brim
med hat and emitted a quantity of
Spanish, the syllables sounding like
firecrackers gently popping their way
down the string of a bunch.
"Spanish or dago?" asked Mrs.
O'Brien pleasantly.
"I am a Colombian, madame," said
the colonel proudly. "I speak the
Spanish. The advisement In your win
dow say the Spanish ho Is spoken
here. How Is that?"
"Well, you've been speaking It. ain't
you?" said "the madame." "I'm sure I
can't"
' At the notel Espanol General Falcon
engaged rooms and established him
self. At dusk he sauntered out upon
the streets to view the wonders of this
roaring city of the north. As ho walked
he thought of the wonderful golden
hair of "Madame O'Brien."
At the corner of Broadway and the
I.lttlo Blalto the general became In
volved. The street cars bewildered
him. and the fender of one upset him
against a pushcart laden with oranges.
A cab driver missed him an Inch with
a hub and poured barbarous execra
tions upon his head.
As the general fluttered out of the
itreamers of passers like a wounded
TOE WATS OP Mlt. KKLT.EY COUT.D NOT BUT
BUCCKKD.
snlpo ho was marked simultaneously
us game by two hunters. One was
"Bully" McGulre. whoso system of
sport required the use of a strong arm
and the mlsuso of an eight inch pleco
of lead pipe. Tho other Nlmrod of tho
asphalt was "Spider" Kelley, n sports
man with more refined methods.
In pouncing upon their self evident
prey Mr. Kelley wns n shade tho
quicker. His elbow fended accurately
tho onslaught of Mr. McGulre.
"G'wan!" he commanded harshly. "I
saw it Urst." McGulre slunk away,
awed by superior Intelligence.
"Pardon me," said Mr. Kelley to tho
general, "but you got balled up in tho
shulllo, didn't you? Let me assist you."
He picked up the general's hat and
brushed the dust from it.
The ways of Mr. Kelley could not
but succeed. Tho general, bewildered
and dlsmuyed by tho resounding
streets, welcomed his deliverer.
"I have a desire," said tho general,
"to return to the hotel of O'Brien, in
which I nm stop. Caramba! Scnor,
thero is a loudness and rapldness of go
ing and coming in tho city of this
Neuva York."
Mr. Kelley's politeness would not
iniTer ttie dlMC
brave the dsn. .
accompanied, a, i.i
Espanol they lu.usi., ,i , , ,
dowu on tin (.piKMiu . .. .
street shorn the tnmleM i,.t.ni,n
sign or HI Refugio. M.. Kell..
whom few streets were ii.ifnn. II ,.,
knew the place exteriorly as u ' il i
Joint." All foreigners Mr. Keile.v
classed under the two heads of "da
goes" and Frenchmen, lie propoMd
to the general that they rep.ilr thlthe,
nnd substauthite their acquaintance
with n liquid foundation. ,
An hour Inter found General Falcon
nnd Mr. Kelley seated nt a table In
the conspirator' corner of El Refugio.
Bottles nnd glasses wero between them
For the tenth tlmo the general con tid
ed the secret of his mission to the
Estados Unldos. He was here, ho du
clarcd, to purchase arms 2,000 stnnds
of Winchester rltles for tho Colombian
revolutionists, llo had drafts In lib
pocket drawn by the Cartagcnn bank
on Its Now York correspondent fur
$25,000. At other tables other revolu
tionists were shouting their political
secrets to their fellow plotters, but
none was as loud as tho general, lie
pounded tho table, ho hallooed for
some wine, ho roared to his friend
that his errand was a secret one and
not to be hinted at to a living soul
Mr. Kelley himself was stirred to sym
pathetic enthusiasm. Ho grasped the
general's hnnd across the table.
"Monseer." he said earnestly, "I don't
know whore this country of yours Is.
but I'm for It. Ifs n lucky thing for
you that you butted into me tonight
I'm the only man In New York that
can ct this gun deal through for you
The secretary of war of the United
States is me best friend. He's In the
city now, and I'll seo him for you to
morrow. In tho meantime, monseer.
you keep them drafts tight in your in
side pocket. I'll call for you tomor
row and take you to see him. Say.
that ain't the District of Columbia
you're talking about, is it?" concluded
Mr. Kelley, with a sudden qualm.
"No, no, no!" exclaimed the general.
"It is the republic of Colombia: it Is
a g-r-rcat republic on tho top side of
America of the south yes. yes."
"All right," said Mr. Kelley, reas
sured. "Now, suppose wo trek along
home and go by-by. I'll write to the
secretary tonight nnd mako a date
with him."
They parted at the door of tho Ho
tel Espanol.
Kelley went to tho nearest telephone
booth and called up McCrary's cafe.
far up on Broadway. He asked for
Jimmy Dunn.
"Is that Jimmy Dunn?" asked Kel
ley.
'Yes," came tbo answer.
'You're n liar," sang back Kelley
Joyfully. "You're the secretary of
war. Walt there till I come up. I've
got the finest thing down here In the
way of a fish you over baited for. It s
n Colorado maduro, with a gold band
around It and free coupons enough to
buy a red hall lamp and a statuette
of Psyche rubbering In the brook.
I'll be up on tho next car."
Mmmy Dunn was an A. M. of crook-
doin. lie was an artist In the confi
dence lino. He never saw a bludgeon
In his life, and ho scorned knockout
drops.
Those two gentlemen held a confer
ence that night at McCrary's. Kelley
explained.
"He's as easy as a gum shoe. He's
from the Island of Colombia, where
there's a strike or a feud or some
thing going on, and they've sent him
tip here to buy 2,000 Winchesters to
arbitrate the thing with, no showed
me two drafts for 910.000 each and
one for $5,000 on a bank here. 'S
truth. Jimmy. I felt real mad with him
because he didn't have It in Sl.OuO
bills and hand it to mo on n silver
waiter. Now. we've got to wait till he
goes to tho bank and gets tho money
for us."
They talked it over for two hours.
and then Dunn said, "Bring him to
Broadway at 4 o'clock tomorrow
afternoon."
In due time Kelley called at the
Hotel Espanol for the general, lie
found that wily warrior engaged In
a delectable conversation with Mrs.
O'Brien.
"The secretary of war is waiting for
us," said Kelley.
Tho general tore himself away with
nu effort.
"Aye, senor," he said, with a sigh,
"duty makes n call. But, senor, the
scnorns of your Estados Unldos how
beauties! For exemplification, take
you la Madame O'Brien quo maguiil
ca! She Is one goddess ono Juno
what you call one ox eyed Juno."
Now, Mr. Kelley was a wit, and bet
ter men have been shriveled by the
tiro of their own Imagination.
"Sure," ho said, with a grin, "but
you mean a peroxide Juno, don't you?"
Mrs. O'Brien heard and lifted an au
riferous head. Her buslncssllko eye
rested for an Instant upon the disap
pearing form of Mr. Kelley. Except
in street cars ono should never be un
necessarily rudo to n lady.
When tho gallant Colombian nnd his
escort arrived at tho Broadway ad
dress they wero held in an anteroom
lor half tin hour and then admitted
Into a well equipped ofllco where a
distinguished looking man with a
smooth face wrote nt a desk. General
Falcon was presented to tho secretary
of war of the United Stutes and his
mission made known by his old friend
Mr. Kelley.
"Ah. Colombln!" said tho secretary
significantly when ho wns made to un
dcrstnnd, "I'm afraid there will bo a
llttlo dllllculty In that case. The pros
Idcnt nnd I differ In our sympathies
there. He prefers the established gov
ernment, while I" The secretary gave
the general u mysterious but encour
aging smile. "You of course know.
Genernl Falcon, that an act of con
gress has been passed requiring nil
manufactured arms and ammunition
exported from t!,N rc'imf. in p
through the war t, 'mrtm'in. Vow,
I can do uti thing for ,vu upi
glad to do so to oblige in.v old fr ,
Mr. Kelley. Hut It mint be lit uhs, m .
secrecy, ns tho president, as I b.u
said, does nut regard favorably ,
efforts of your revolutionary pnrt. u
Colombia. I will have my orderly b. i, .
n list of the avullablo arms now In Hi
wnrehouse."
Tho secretary struck n bell, and nr
orderly with the letters A. D. T. or
ils cap stopped Into the room.
"Bring me Schedule B of tho smal
arms Inventory." said tho secretary.
Tho orderly quickly returned with n
printed paper. The secretary studied
It closely.
"I find," he said, "that In warehouse
0 of government stores thero Is a ship
ment of 2,000 stnnds of Wlnchestet
rifles that wero ordered by tho sultan
of Morocco, who forgot to send tin
cash with his order. Our rule Is that
legal tender money must bo paid down
nt the tlmo of purchnsc. My dear Kc'l-
"I Wllili HAVE Mr ORDBRLY D11IKO A MSI
OF TUB AVAILABLE A11US."
ley, your friend General Falcon shall
have this lot of arms If he desires It
at the manufacturer's price. And you
will forgive me, I am sure. If I curtail
our interview."
As one result of this interview the
general was deeply grateful to his es
teemed friend Mr. Kelley. As an
other the nimble secretary of war was
extremely busy during the next two
days buying empty rifle cases and fill
ing them with bricks, which were then
stored in a warehouse rented for that
purpose. As still another when the
general returned to the notel Espanol
Mrs. O'Brien went up to him, plucked
a thread from his lapel and said:
"Say, senor. I don't want to 'butt
in,' but what does that monkey fared,
cat eyed, rubber necked tin horn tough
want with you?"
"Satigre de mi vida!" exclaimed the
general. "Impossible It is that you
speak of my good friend Scnor Kel
ley."
"Come Into the summer garden."
said Mrs. O'Brien. "I want to have n
talk with you."
Let us suppose that an hour litis
elapsed.
"And you say." said the general,
"that for the sum of 18,000 can be
purchased the furnishmeut of the
house and the lease of ono year, with
this garden so lovely, so resembling
unto tho patios of my caro Colombia V
"And dirt cheap at that," sighed the
lady.
"Ah, Dlos!" breathed General Fal
con. "What to mo Is war and poli
tics? This spot Is one paradise. My
country it have other brave heroes to
continue the fighting. What to me
should bo glory nnd tho shooting of
mans? Ah, no! It is here I havf
found ono nngel. Let us buy the IIo
tel Espanol, nnd you shall be miue.
nnd tho money shall not be waste on
guns."
Mrs. O'Brien rested her blond pom
padour against the shoulder of tho Co
lomblau patriot.
"Oil. senor," sho sighed happily.
"ain't you terrible!"
Two days later was tho time a
pointed for tho delivery of tho arms
to tho general. Tho boxes of supposed
rifles were stacked in tho rented ware
house, and tho secretary of war sat
upon them, waiting for his friend Kel
ley to fetch tho victim.
Mr. Kelley hurried at the hour to
tho Hotel Espanol. Ho found the gen
oral behind tho desk adding up ac
counts. "I have decide," said the general,
"to buy not guns. I have today buy
tho insides of this hotel, nnd there
shall bo marrying of the General Per
rlco Xiraenes Vlllablanca Falcou with
la Madame O'Brien."
Mr. Kelley almost strangled,
"Say, you old baldhcaded bottle of
shoo polish," ho spluttered, "you're a
swludler, that's what you are! You've
bought a boarding bouso with money
belonging to your Infernal country
whorever it is."
"Ah," said tho general, footing up a
column, "thnt is what you call poll
tics. War and revolution they aro not
nice. Yes. It Is not best that one
shall nlways follow Minerva. No. It
Is of qulto desirable to keep hotels
nnd bo with that Juno that ox eyed
Juno. Ah, what hulr of tho gold It Is
that she have!"
Mr. Kelley choked again.
"Ah. Senor Kelley," satd.the general
feelingly and finally, "is it that you
have never eaten of tho corned beef
hash that Madamo O'Brien sho make?"
OUTLOOK FOB
INDOOR AQUATICS
Calls For Candidates at Colleges
Bring Quick Responses.
MANY VETERANS OUT AGAIN.
With Only Two Men of Last Year'i
Team Missing Princeton Will Be
Strong Penn Appears Weak Co
lumbia's Good Prospects.
Calls for candidates for tho swim
ming and water polo varsity teams nt
tho colleges holding membership in
tho league hare met with unusual suc
cess this year, nnd tho squads now
doing preliminary work arc more nu
merous nnd of higher class than ever
before. Tbo sport is gradually en
Urging its scope and growing steadily
In popularity. Mnny of tho collegeo
and schools have mado swimming part
of their curriculum, so that opportunity
and Incentive aro encouraging more
and more students to take up aquatics
with a view to competition.
Tho defection of Harvard last
spring from the ranks of tho Intercol
legiate Swimming association, far
from showing lack of Interest, indi
cated a praiseworthy dcairo to im
prove matters at homo. Tho Cam
bridge faculty objected to tho con
stant trips mode necessary by the
championship meets and pronounced
Itself in favor of a New England
league, in which Harvard, Brown,
Amherst and Williams would contest
for honors. In view of tho fact that
Cornell, Syracuse and ono or two oth
er Institutions now have teams In the
water, the scheme should work out to
the benefit of all. Tho west has an as
sociation that is yoarly growing
stronger, and with the New England
and tho Intercolleglato leagues to take
care of swimming In tho cast competi
tion for everybody will bo provided,
also affording a chance to determine
the country's best team by bringing
the winners together In a post season
tournament.
While steps are being taken to in
duce one of the outside colleges to
BATTLES, I'lUNCETON'fl CRACK 8WIMMKK,
take Harvard's place, tho five universi
ties now holding membership are busy
preparing for tho opening event, and
It looks like a close race for the pen
nants. In looking over tho material for the
various squads ono soon realizes how
close will be tho struggle, for the teams
wero never more evenly matched. Yale
loses only Illchards and Prlncell of
the 1010 men, which means that Cap
tain Stoddnrt, the best nil around prod
uct of tho year, will have for bis swim
ming team II, S. Palmer, tbo 220 yard
champion; W. Howe, tho CO yard rec
ord holder, and S. T. Devan, S. Moses,
II. WInslow, J. McGhie nnd n. liar
per, besides the plunge holder, It. L
ree, and tho fancy diver, II. O. Hughes.
At Pennsylvania the graduation of
Captain Feustman, the great water
polo forward, will be the most severe
blow. It is thought that John Shryock,
tho Intercollegiate hundred yarder, will
tako special work and competo again.
J. Graham, Jr., has been elected cap
tain of the swimmers and can count on
tho fancy divers, Hans and Berens; the
plungers, Hopkinson and Wolferth,
nnd tho sprinters, Clement, Anthony,
Borden, Whlto and Yerkes.
Captain Battles of Princeton prob
ably has tho best water polo material
of tho lot, however, and properly ban
died they should develop Into ono of
tho best college tennis ever seen.
ColutnlJn enters the fray with n bet
rer outlook than sho lias hnd slnco the
halcyon days of Trubenbach ond Spen
rer. Captain Patterson seems to bo tho
right man to handle tho squad, and the
Whlto and Blue will find In M. Ken
nedy, tho now professional coach, the
help it litis lacked for years.
Wlitle thu championship tournament
will not begin beforo Januarj'i several
meets have already been held with out
Bldo teams, and the students will also
take part individually )n all tho open
Amateur Athletic union carnivals.
Auto Suggestion.
7hu chauffeur, v. ho luul Iteon In nn
nutomohllc smash, hud Just recovered
from the titine.il belle.
"You're all right now, old chap,"
cheerfully said the surgeon, "Just us
good as new."
"Perhaps," smiled the patient weak
ly, "but I feel factory rebuilt." Illuf
trated Sunday Magazine.
Awkward For Both.
"This Is awkward. I flirted with a
young man at the seashore nnd we
both pretended to be rich. Now I And
ho lives In our city."
"But you needn't seo him If you
don't want to."
"I enn't well get out of it. It seems
ho collects the payments on our piano."
-Pittsburg Post.
I'm stuck upon a dainty Blrl.
A mental sclenco miss.
Bho puts her lialr up Iti a curl.
Her blue eyca promlso bliss.
My brain Is all awhlrl.
And yet I'm clad of this
The fact that she
Don't otter me
A mental drnco kiss!
Cleveland Loader.
"I wonder what tho tcachor meant
about the singing of my two daugh
ters?" "What did he say?"
"He said that Mamie's volco was
good, but Maude's was better still."
Catholic Nowb.
I wonder have you ever known
Or heard of such a thine
As paper hangers In the house
Who didn't try to slnff?
Detroit Kre Press.
"Tho teacher of one of tho classes
In a school in the suburbs of Cleve
land had been training her pupils In
anticipation of a visit from the school
commissioner," said Georgo S. Wells.
"At last he came, and the classes wero
called out to show their attainments.
"Tho arithmetic clasn was tho first
called, and In order to make a good
lmpreflslou tho teacher put tbo first
question to Johnny Smith, tho star
pupil.
" 'Johnny, if coal is selling at $G a
ton and you pay the coal dealer $24.
how many tons of coal will bo bring
your
" Three,' was tho prompt reply from
Joluiny.
"The teacher, much embarrassed,
old. 'Why, Johnny, that isn't right.'
" 'Oh, I know it nln't. but they do II
anyhow.' " Washington Post.
Her Conclusion.
"I've got my oplulon of a woman
ttat can't cook," growled William De
Klkkur, glaring at his better half.
"I suppose that If our cook would get
married I'd starve to death!"
"You needn't worry about that, Wil
liam," said Mrs. Pe K. gently. "Our
cook has been n.arried once, and I
don't consider It at all likely that she
would care to"
But her trate spouse had slammed
the door behind him. Cleveland Lead-
Tito Kind You Have Always Bought, and which Las been
In use- for over 30 years, lias borno tho signaturo of
jrt - and has been mado under his pcr
J: jXr77z' r sonal supervision, slnco its infancy.
CCC4t' Allow no ono to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations nnd " Just-as-good" aro but;
Experiments that trifle witli and endanger tho health of
Infants and Children Experience against Experiment.
What is CASTOR I A
Castorla is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its ago is its guarantee. It destroys "Worms
and allays Fcverlshness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
nnd Flatulency. It assimilates tho Food, regulates tho
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
Tho Children's Panacea Tho Mother's Friend.
GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS
Boars the
The KM You Haye Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years.
TMC CINT4UH CIOU.ANV, TT MURBAV ITKttT. NCWVORK CITY.
Subsolllng with Dynamite.
"Strango aro some of the farming
methods of California," said Benja
min Mann, of Gorniantown, who re
contly returned from n visit to tho
Pacific coast. "Ono day In the vino
country I henrd a tromondous batjg,
bang, banging, nnd started from my
seat, thinking that a dreadful explo
sion had occurred. But my host told
mo, with a lnugh, that his men wero
merely plowing with dynamito. Then
he went on to explain that when It
was desired to loosen up tho soli to a
depth of three feet or so dynamite
cartridges wero Bet In tho earth and
tired otf. They broko up the ground
beautifully. They did tho work much
better, and much more cheaply than
Any machluo or any manual labor
could do. And, In addition to tula,
thoy destroyed tho parasite called the
phylloxera, tho bano of tho vino grow
ers. No vineyard whose soli had bueii
dynamited, my host said, over lit
tered from tho phylloxera afterward."
Power from the Jordan.
A plan for supplying the whole ot
Palestine with electricity for lighting,
heating and cooking purposes is being
entered Into by a French company,
which has its headquarters in Parts.
The power will be supplied by the
falls of the Jordan, botween the Wa
ters ot Merom and tho Lake of Gali
leo, whore the river descends seventy
feet. A generating plant will bo
erected on tho woot bank of the riv
er, nnd will be connected with all tho
chlof towns of tho country. Some $1,
000,000 will bo required for tho Ini
tial expenses.
It is hoped that in flro years tho
works will be paying well.
The foregoing statement has been
sent out from London, Eng., by tho
Associated Press. It Is evidently au
thentic. Such Intimations of the re
habilitation of Palestine have come so
frequently of lato that they have
ceased to be startling. While men
are contending that Palestine never
can sustain a largo population, and
that the JewB norer will return, God
is silently bringing both to pass o
rapidly that thoy will be completed
before the Bound ot unbelieving
doubters has ceased to be heard.
China Orders New Celnage.
China is at last to have a proper
ly standardized currency, and an or
der has been Issued by the Imperial
board of finance to the central and
provincial mints to proceed with the
manufacture of now coins. It may not
be possible for a year or so to enforce
the law in this regard, especially In
the Interior.
Built for Comfort.
Aeroplanlng Is to be made com
fortable. Henri Deutsch, of Paris,
whose prizes did so much for the ad
vancement of aviation in it3 early
days, Is having an aerocab built for
his own use. The aeroplane is of the
Wright type, but a little cab of basket
work is being made to shelter tho
driver and his passenger from rain
and cold.
Signature of
KRAFT & CONGER
HONESDALE, PA.
Reoresent Reliable
Comnanies ONLY