TIIE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, OCT. 20, 1010.
THE GIRL A i ! D
TIE GRAFT
A Breach of Promise Suit That
Was Nipped In the Bud.
By O. HENRY.
Copyright, 1010, by Doubleilny, Pnno &
Co. J
The other day I ran across my old
friend KerKtison rogue. Pogue Is n
conscientious grafter of the highest
type. Ills headquarters Is the west
ern hemisphere, nnd his line of busi
ness Is anything from speculating In
town lots on the Great Staked plains
to selling wooden toys In Connecticut,
made by hjdraullc pressure from nut
megs ground to n pulp.
Now and then when rogue has
made n good haul he comes to New
V'ork for a rest. lie says the jug of
trine nnd loaf of bread and thou In
the wilderness business Is about as
much rest and pleasure to him ns slid
ing down the bumps at Coney would
be to President Tnft. "Give me," says
Pogue, "a big city for my vacation, es
pecially New York. I'm not much
fond of New Yorkers, nnd Manhattnn
Is about the only place on the globe
where I don't find any."
While In the metropolis rogue can
always be found at one of two places.
One Is a little secondhand bookshop
on Fourth nvenue, where he reads
books about his hobbles, Mohammed
anism nnd taxidermy. I found him
at the other his hnll bedroom in
Eighteenth street where ho sat In bis
stocking feet trying to pluck "The
Banks of the Wabash" out of n small
zither. Four years he has practiced
this tuno without arriving near enough
to cast the longest trout lino to the
water's edge. On the dresser lay n
blued steel Colt's 45 and a tight roll
of tens and twenties large enough
around to belong to the spring rattle
snake story class. A chambermaid
with a room cleaning air fluttered
near by in the hall, unable to enter or
to flee, scandalized by the stocking
feet, aghast at the Colt's, yet power
less, with her metropolitan Instinct, to
remove herself beyond the magic in
fluence of the yellow bued roll.
I sat on his trunk while Ferguson
Pogue talked. No one could be franker
or more candid In his conversation.
Beside his expression the cry of Ilcnry
James for lacteal nourishment nrthe
age of one month would have seemed
tike a Chaldean cryptogram. He told
me stories of his profession with
pride, for he considered It nn art. And
I was curious enough to ask him
whether he had known nny woman
who followed it.
"Ladles?" said Pogue, with western
chivalry. "Well, not to nny great ex
tent. They don't nmouut to much In
special lines of graft, because they're
all so busy In general lines. What?
Why, they have to. Who's got the
money In the world? The men. Did
you ever know a man to give n wom
an a dullar without nny consideration?
A man will shell out his dust to an
other man free nnd easy and gratis.
But If ho drops a penny in one of the
machines run by the Madame Eve's
Daughters' Amalgamated association
and the pineapple chewing gum don't
fall out when he pulls the lever you
1115 WAS ALI. ritONT.
can hear lilm kick to tho superintend
ent four blocks away. Man la the hard
est proposition a woman has to go up
ngalnst. lie's a low grade one, and
Ehu has to work overtime to make him
pay. Two times out of Ave sho's salt
ed. Sho can't put In crushers and cost
ly machinery. He'd notice 'em and bo
on to tho game. They have to pan out
what thoy get, and it hurts their ten
der hands. Some of 'em aro natural
feluico troughs nnd can carry out $1,000
to tho ton. Tho dry eyed ones have to
depend on signed letters, false hair,
ksympathy, tho kangaroo walk, cow
Mdo whips, ability to cook, sentimen
tal Juries, conversational powers, silk
'underskirts, ancestry, rougo, anony
mous letters, violet sachet powders,
Witnesses, revolvers, pneumatic forms,
carbolic ncld, moonlight, cold cream
nnd tho evening newspapers."
"You are outrageous, Fcrg," I said.
"Surely there Is none of thl3 'grnft,'
ns you call It, In n perfect and hariuo
nlous matrimonial union!"
"Well," said Pogue, "nothing that
would Justify you every time in cnll
lng up police headquarters and order
ing out tho reserves nnd n vaudeville
mannger on n dead run. But It's this
way: Suppose you're n Fifth avenue
millionaire, soaring high, on the right
Mdo of coppers and cappers.
"Vou come home at night nnd brine
a $0,000,000 diamond brooch to the
lady who's staked you for a claim.
You hand It over. She says, 'Oh,
George! and looks to see If It's back
ed. She comes up nnd kisses you.
You've waited for It. You get It. All
right. It's graft.
"But I'm telling you about Arteml
nla Blye. Sho wns from Knnsas, nnd
she suggested corn In nil of Its phases.
Her hair was as yellow as tho silk,
her form wns ns tall and grnccful ns
n stalk In the low grounds during n
wet summer, her eyes were ns big nnd
startling ns bunions, nnd green wns
her favorite color.
"On my last trip Into tho cool re
cesses of your sequestered city I met
n human named Vaucross. Ho was
worth that Is, he had a million. He
told me he wns in business on tho
street. 'A sidewalk merchant?' says I,
sarcastic. 'Exactly,' says he, 'senior
partner of a paving concern.
"1 kind of took to him for this rea
son: 1 met him on Broadway one
night when 1 was out of heart, luck,
tobacco and place. Ho was nil silk
hat, diamonds nnd front. He was all
front. If you had gone behind him
you would have only looked yourself
in the face. I looked like n cross be
tween Count Tolstoy nnd a June lob
ster. I was out of luck. I had But
let me lay my eyes on that dealer
again.
"Vaucross stopped and talked to me
a few minutes, and then he took me
to a high toned restaurant to eat din
nor. There was music and then some
Beethoven nnd Bordolaiso sauce and
cussing in French and franglpangl and
some hauteur and cigarettes. When I
am flush I know- them places.
"I declare I must havo looked as
bad as a magazine artist sitting there
without any money aud my hair all
rumpled llko I was booked to read a
chapter from 'Elsie's School Days' at
n Brooklyn bobcmlan smoker. But
Vaucross treated mo like a bear hunt
er's guide. Ho wasn't afraid of hurt
ing the waiter's feelings.
"'Mr. Pogue,' ho explains to me, 'I
am using you.
'Go on,' says I. 'I hope you don't
wnke up.'
"And then ho tolls me, you know,
the kind of man he was. He was a
New-Yorker. His whole ambition was
to bo noticed. Ho wanted to be con
spicuous. Ho wanted people to point
him out aud bow to him and tell
others who he was. Ho said it had
been the desire of his life always.
He didn't have but a million, so he
couldn't attract attention by spending
money. He said he tried to get into
public notice ouo time by planting a
little public square on tho east side
with garlic for free use of tho poor,
but Carnegie heard of It and covered
It over at onco with n library In tho
Gaelic language. Three times ho had
Jumped in the way of automobiles, but
the only result was Ave broken ribs
and a notice In the papers that an un
known mnn Ave feet ten, with four
amalgam Ailed teeth, supposed to be
the last of the famous Bud Leary
gang, had been run over.
" 'Ever try the reporters?' I asked
him.
"Last month, says Mr. Vaucross,
'my expenditure for lunches to report
ers was $121.S0.'
" 'Got anything out of that?' I asks.
"That reminds mo,' says ho; 'add
5S.50 for pepsin. Yes, I got indiges
tion. 'now am I supposed to push along
your scramble for prominence? I In
quires. 'Contrast?'
"Something of that sort tonight,'
says Vaucro). 'It grieves mo, but I
am forced to resort to eccentricity.'
And here ho drops his napkin In hla
soup and rises up and bows to a gent
who Is devastating a potato under a
palm across tho room.
" The pollco commissioner,' says my
climber, gratlAed. 'Friend,' says I In
a hurry, 'haro ambitions, but don't
kick a mug out of your ladder. When
you uso mo as a stepping stone to sa
lute tho police you spoil my nppctlte
on tho grounds that I may be degraded
and Incriminated. Bo thoughtful.'
"As tho Quaker City squab en cas
Berolo the Idea about Artemisia Blye
comes to me.
"'Suppose I can manage to get you
In tho papers,' says I 'a column or
two every day in all of 'em nnd your
plcturo In most of 'em for a week.
How much would It bo worth to you?'
" Ten thousand dollars,' Bays Vau
cross, warm in a minute. 'But no mur
der,' says ho, 'and I won't wear pink
pants at a cotillion.'
'"I wouldn't ask you to,' says I.
This la honorable, stylish nnd unef
femlnnte. Tell the waiter to bring a
ilemitnsso and some other beans, and
I will disclose to you the opus moder
andl.' "Wo closed tho deal nn hour later In
tho rococo rougo ct noise room. I tele
graphed that night to Miss Artemisia
In Sallna. Sho took a couple of photo
graphs and nn autograph letter to an
ulder In the Fourth Presbyterian
church in tho morning and got somo
transportation and $S0. Sho stopped
In Topeka long enough to trado n
flashlight Interior nnd a valentine to
tho vlco president of a trust company
for a mileage book nnd a packago of
flvo dollar notes with $250 scrawled on
tho band,
'Tho fifth ovenlng after sho got my
wlro she was waiting, nil de'-ollote
nnd dressed up, for mo tind ViiueroNy
to take her to dinner In one of tin -it-New
York feminine upait liu-ut lioi.-itM
whero a man can't get in unlctu n.
plays bcztque aud smokes deplliit.i,,,
powder cigarettes.
".'She's a stunner.' says Vaucto-..-when
he saw her. 'They'll give her ,.
two column cut sure.'
"This wns tho scheme the three 1 1
us concocted. It was business straight
through. Vnucross was to rush Mis..
Blye with all the stylo and dlsjilir
nnd emotion he could for a month
Of course that niuounted to uothlti;:
ns far ns his ambitions were con
cerned. The sight of a man In a
whlto tie and patent leather pumps
louring greenbacks through the large
end of n cornucopia to purchase nutri
ment nnd heartsease for tall, willowy
blonds in Now York is ns common n
right ns blue turtles In delirium tre
mens. But ho was to write her love
letters the worst kind of love letters,
such as your wife publishes nftcr you
are dead every day. At the end of
tho month ho was to drop her and
sho would bring suit for 100.000 for
breach of promise.
"Miss Artemlsln was to get $10,0tH).
If she won the suit that was nil, ana
rncitE stood vauchoss and miss arte-
MISIA.
If she lost she was to get It anyhow.
There was a signed contract to that ef
fect. "Sometimes they had me out with
'em, but not often. I couldn't keep up
to their style. She used to pull out
his notes and criticise them like bills
of lading.
" 'Say, you,' she'd say, 'what do you
call this letter to a hardware mer
chant from his nephew on learning
that his aunt has nettlerash? You
eastern duffers know as much about
writing love letters as a Kansas grass
hopper does about tugboats. "My
dear Miss Blye!" Would that put
pink Icing nnd a little red sugar bird
on your bridal cake? How long do
you expect to hold an nudience In a
courtroom with that kind of stuff?
You want to get down to business and
call mo "Tweedlums Babe" aud
"Ilouoysuckle" and sign yoursell
"Mamma's Own Big Bad Puggy Wug
gy Boy" If you want any limelight
to concentrate upon your sparse gray
hairs. Get sappy.'
"After that Vaucross dipped his pen
In tho Indelible tabasco. His notes
read llko something or other in the
original. I could see a jury sitting
up and women tearing one another's
hats to hear 'em read. And I could
see piling up for Mr. Vaucross as
much notoriousness as Archbishop
Cranmer or tho Brooklyn bridge or
cheese on salad ever enjoyed. He
seemed mighty pleased at tho pros
pects.
"They agreed on a night, and I stoou
on Fifth avenue outside a solemn res
taurant and watched 'em. A process
server walked lu and handed Vaucross
the papers at his table. Everybody
looked at 'cm, aud he looked as proud
as Cicero. 1 went back to my room
and lit a Ave cent cigar, for I know
tho $10,000 was as good as ours.
"About two hours inter somebody
knocked at my door. There stood
Vaucross and Miss Artemisia, and she
wns clinging yes, sir, clinging to his
arm. And they tells me they'd been
out nnd got married. And thoy artic
ulated sonic trivial cadences about
love and such. And thoy laid down a
bundle on the table and said 'Good
night' and left.
"And that's what I say," concluded
Ferguson Pogue, "that a woman Is too
busy occupied with her natural voca
tion and Instinct of graft such ns is
given her for self preservation and
amusement to mako nny great suc
cess In special lines."
"What was In the bundle that they
left?" I asked, with my usual curiosi
ty. "Why," said Ferguson, "thero wns n
scnlper's railroad ticket ns fur ns Kan
sas City nnd two pairs of Mr. Vau
cross' old pants."
Seaions of the Past.
Irate Guest Look here, waiter, what
kind of a dinner wns that you served
mo? Why, tho vegetables were stale.
Walter (bristling up) Yo nin wrong,
sail. I served yo wld all tho delica
cies of do season.
Irate Guest Which season? Chica
go News.
ll ' FOR A
Theme!
THE COMPASSIONATE
CHRIST.
1- l-
BY THE LATE REV. THEODORE
L. CUYLER, D, D.
Thero Is no plnco in which human
sorrows aro felt as they aro felt In
the heart of Jesus. No ono knows
human weakness ns Ho knows It, or
pities ns Ho enn pity. Every suffer
ing of tho body Is known to our sym
pathizing Lord, and overy grief that
makes tho heart acho.
Human pity Is often worn out from
overuBO. It Impatiently mutters, '"Is
that poor creature here again? I have
holpcd him a dozen ttmos already."
Or it says, "That miserable fellow has
taken to drink again, has ho? I am
dono trying to savo him. Ho makes
himself a bruto; let him die llko tho
brutes!" Human pity often gives way
Just when it should stand tho heaviest
strain.
Compassion dwolls In tho heart of
Christ, ns Inexhaustible as tho sun
light. Our toars hang heavier on
that heart than the plnnots which
His Dlvino hand holds In their orbits;
our sighs aro moro audlblo to Hla oar
than the blasts of wintry winds aro
to us. Whon wo pray aright, wo aro
reaching up and taking hold on that
compassion. Tho penltont publican
was laying hold of It when ho cried
out of that broken heart, "Bo merci
ful to mo, a sinner!" It Is His sub
Hmo pity that listens to our
prayers and hears our cries and
grants us what wo want Thoroforo
let us come boldly to tho throne of
graco and mako our weakness, our
guiltless, and our griefs to bo their
own pleas to Him who is touched
with tho fooling of our lnflrmttlcs.
Ono of tho most characteristics
stories of Abraham Lincoln Is that a
poor soldier's wlfo came to tho White
Houso, with her Infant In her arms,
and askod admission to see the Presi
dent Sho came to beg him to grant a
pardon to her husband, who was un
der a military sentonco. "Be suro
and tako tho baby up with you," said
the Irish porter at tho White House
door. At length tho woman descend
ed tho stairway, weeping for Joy; and
tho Irishman oxclalmod, "Ah, mum, it
was the baby that ata it!"
So doth our weakness appeal to the
compasBlonato heart of our Redeem
er. Thore Is no more oxqulslto de
scription of Him than in this touch:
"Ho shall feed His Hook like a shep
herd; Ho shall gather the lambs In
His arms and carry them In His
bosom; Ho shall gently lead thoso
that aro with young." Such Is our
blessed Mastor's tender mercy to tho
weak. It Is tendor bocauso It never
breaks tho bruised reed or quenches
the feeblest spark.
This world of ours contains vnstly
more weak things than strong things.
Hero and there towers a mountain
plno of stalwart oak; but tho frail
reeds arid rushes are innumerable.
Even In tho Bible gallery of charac
ters, how fow aro strong; yet, nono
but had somo weakness. Abraham's
tongue is onco twisted to a falso
htfod; tho tempor of Mones Is not al
ways proof against provocation; Eli
jah loses heart under the Junlpor treo,
and boastful Poter turns poltroon un
der tho taunts of a servant-maid, But
evermore thore waits and watchoa
over us that Infinite compassion that
knoweth what Is In poor man, and re
memboroth that we aro but dust For
our want-book Ho nns an Infinitely
largor supply-book. Tho i&ino syro
pathlzlng Jesus who raised the Jew
1th maiden from her bod of death,
who rescued sinking Peter, and pitied
a hungry multitude, and wopt with
the ulsters of Bethany ere He raised
a dead brother to life, la living yet
His love, as Samuel Rutherford said,
"hath neither brim nor bottom."
This compassionate Jesus ought to
bo living also In the persona of thoso
whom Ho makes His representatives.
"Bear ye one another's burdens and
bo fulfill the law of Christ" That law
Is love.
This law of Christian sympathy
worka in two wayB', It either helps
our fellow-creatures get rid of their
burden, or If failing In that. It helps
them to carry tho load raoro lightly.
"Wo that aro strong ought to benr
the lnflrraltlea of tho woak, and not
to pleaso oursolves."
Here, for example, li a strong, rich,
well-manned church, somo of Its
mombers are dying of dignity and
others aro debilitated with Indolence.
Yondor 1b a feeblo church In numbers
and money. Let tho man who counts
one in tho strong church go whore ho
enn count ton In tho woak church. If
tho compasBlonato Christ should como
Into somo of our churches, I suspect
that He would ordor moro than ono
rich, well-fed member off his cushion,
and Bond him to work tn some mission
school or struggling young enter
prise. That onrly Church was saturated
with tho compasstonnto spirit of their
Lord. They fulfilled tho "law of
ChrlBt" Tho only genuine- successors
of those npostlos aro tho load-llftors.
Jesus ChrlBt oxertcd His Divine might
and lntlnlto love In bonrlng tho load
of man's sin and sorrows. Consecra
tion moans copying the compassionate
Christ Tower means debt tho debt
we owo to tho poor, tho foeble, the
slok, the ignorant, tho fallen, tho guil
ty and tho poriBhlng. May God In
spire us, and hole ua to par that dobtl
The "3un Drawing Water."
Tho phenomenon commonly known
as tho "sun drawing wnter" Is due to
rays of sunlight between, tho shndowf
of clouds. It Is seen to best advnn
tago when the ntmosphcrn Is some
what hazy aud whon tho sun Li whol
ly or partly behind n cloud nnd Is not
in tho higher part of tho sky. Patchy
fitrntocumuliiB clouds nro most favora
ble for tho formation of these rays,
nnd thoy nro probably most distinct
when Been In tho part of the sky be
low tho sun, when they nppenr to ex
tend either directly or somewhnt
obliquely downwnrd. It Is in this
form that the effect Is most commonly
called tho "sun drawing water." But
well rays may extend In nny dlrcc
:lon. so that they diverge from the
lun as a center. No rain need be fall
lug anywhere near tho observer,
though It is not impossible for tho
rays to be visible nt a time when rain
strtak ileo are visible In part of the
sky. Tho rain streaks, however, dc
not dlvergo from the sun, but are 1e
lines of the falling rain. St Nicholas
Ireland's Decline.
Ireland nt the end of last year had
800 fower Inhabitants thnn In 1003.
The registrar general's report, Jnst Is
sued, flhows that tho population, 4.371,
570, has fallen by 130,000 In ton years.
Emigrants last year numbered 23,
C70, 5,370 raoro than In 1003 nnd 800
modo than the excess of births over
deaths. London Mall.
Arctic Rock Weed.
Oriftlng down from Alaska comes
fho greatest ft all sea plants, the arc
tic rock weed, that grows In shape
llko a huge ship's hauser and some
times with branched GOO feet lonfc
Thero nro no signs of leaves, but at
Intervals of a fathom or so a knob,
for all the world like tho buoy on a
drift not, grows around tho stem, aid
ing, as does the buoy, in keeping the
plant afloat and creating tho Impres
sion that some nets havo gone astray.
-Now York World.
Method In Her Breakage.
"Augusta Is an awfully bright girl.
Isn't she?"
"Yes, Indeed. When sho is rending a
novel on the front porch her mother
never thinks of nsklng her to wash tho
dishes."
"Why not?"
"She's suro to break so many of
them." Cleveland Plnln Denier.
Trouble Ahead.
Young Husband (to wife) Didn't I
telegraph to you not to bring your
mother with you?
Young Wife I know. That's what
she wants to see yu tbout. Sho read
tho telegram
Aeronauts Fired At.
Berlin, Oct 18. Three neronauts who
nscended from Searbrucken In the bal
loon Prince Adolf report that they
vero blown over the French frontier
and were Ared nt by the forts at Ver
dun. Neither the balloon nor Its occu
pants were hit.
Tho Kind Yon Havo Always Bought, and which has been
in uso for over CO years, has bomo tho signature ot
- and has been mado under his pcr
s jCJ&Jfyjtj? r sonal supervision since its infancy.
WaXT UCA4Ai Aliow no ouo to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and" Just-as-good "aro but
Experiments that trillo with and endanger tho h'ealth of
Infants and Children Experience against Experiment.
What is CASTOR I A
Castoria Is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It Is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its ago is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
and allays Fovcrishncss. It cures Diarrhoea and "Wind
Colic. It relievos Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates tho Pood, regulates tho
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
Tho Children's Panacea Tho Mother's Friend.
GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS
S9
Bears tho
The KM You Have Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years.
TM CIHT4UN OOUMNT, TT MUKHAV THICT. MIWTOBUCITT.
5 BSvPf'
BERKSHIRE8 IN LITERATURE.
Many Writers Seek Rest and Recre
ation In These Hills.
MucK of tho literary history of
Massachusetts lies In tho Borkshlres.
Tho roglon has always seomod to
havo a peculiar charm for mon of let
ters, and Longfellow, Brynnt, Ollvor
Wondoll Holm os nnd many others
whoso nnmos nro Inscribed In lm
porlshablo lottors on tho literary re
cords of Uio land havo written of tho
BorkBhlres from that Bympnthotlc flrst
hand knowledge that Is never to bo
stimulated and have not hesitated to
express their lovo for tho smiling
hills.
Records of tho Ufa and passing of
theso men aro to bo mot on overy
hand In tho vlllngos of the section.
Hero Is a houso whero Longfellow
lived; thero a chair upon which Oli
ver Wendell Holmes was wont to sit
William Doan Howell3 Is only one o
tho lltorary lights of to-day who
chooso to follow In tho stops of the
giants of a bygone day and tako rest
In tho Borkshlres.
Man with Iron Mask.
Tho Man with tho Iron Mask wns a
mysterious French prisoner of state,
whoso Idonttty has nover been satis
factorily established. Ho was closely
conflnod under tho chargo of M. do
St Mars at Plgnorol in 1079; at Ex
lloa In 1881; at Salnte-Marguerito In
1687; and finally wns transferred to
tho Bastllo In 1898, whore ho died on
November 19, 1703, and waa burled
tho following day In tho comotery of
Bt Paul, under tho namo of Marciall.
Woman as a Traveler.
Whon a woman who la traveling la
assigned to her room In a hotol sho
looks up tho hotel rules on tho door
and carefully roads them. Whon sho
comos to ono as follows: "No wash
ing of clothes permitted in this room,"
sho gives a satlsAod sigh. Then sho
unpacks her trunk, rings for hot wa
ter and within an hour has tho mir
ror covered with handkorchlots pasted
thero to dry, and has hoso, underwear,
waists, etc., hanging over tho brck
of every chair. Then sho gots out her
diary and notes in It how much money
she has saved. "Thore aro said to Bo
eome very historic places In t' 13
town," sho notes after dotaillng nor
wash, "but I will not havo time to
see them." Atchison Globo.
Fish That Carry Candles.
Some of tho fish found at a depth
of about ten thousand foot by a Ger
man deep sea expedition rosemblcd
the fossil species In tho rocks of tho
Mesozolc era, whon tho earth's at
mosphere was dense with carbon.
These fish In many cases had special
means of collecting light Somo pos
sessed enormous eyos occupying near
ly tho wholo side of the head and
some woro supplied with telescopic
organs. Others carried their light on
their heads In a manner similar to
that of the glow worm. Montreal
Standard.
Signature of
KRAFT & CONGER
HONESDALE, PA.
Reoresent Reliable
Companies ONLY