T1IB CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, SUIT. 21, 1010. NEW TALES THAT ARE TOLD Room For Improvement. Wllllnm F. Oldliniu, bishop of Singa pore, talked nt n dinner on his last Visit to Now York nbfeut missionary work. "A cortnlu typo of mnn," ho said, "goes about declaring thnt wo domi nant races civilize tho savages out of existence that wo do them harm In stead of good. "Well, as a matter of fact, If these cavaliers knew what I know about Borne tribes they would speak less con fidently. Some tribes are so debased that to do them anything but good TOn DOCTOR LOOKED AT THE WOMAN'S NOSE. would hardly be possible. They nre, in fact, just like the ugly woman who vis ited the beauty doctor. "This woman was ugly In every fea ture, but her nose was particularly ugly. That, no doubt, was why she de sired the beauty doctor to begin on it. " 'I am willing,' she said, 'to pay you liberally, doctor, but I demand In re turn substantial results. We will start with my nose. Can you guarantee to make It ideally beautiful?' "The doctor, after looking attentive ly nt tho woman's nose, replied: '"Well, madam, I can't say ns to Ideal beauty, but a nose llko yours 1 couldn't help Improving If I hit It with a mallet.' " REASSURING THOROUGHNESS, How a Burglar Saved His Bacon by Impersonating a Dog. Iteglnald Vanderbllt at n charity sale at Newport peddled cigars with re markable success. "My success," ho explained after ward, "was duo to my thoroughness. I peddled as thoroughly and coura geously as Itallles. "Haliles, the noted criminal, you know, lay under a bed one night, wait ing for tho gentleman above him to fall UHleep. The gentleman was restless; ho tossed from side to side, and In tho end he stirred up some dust thnt caused Itallles to give a little cough. "The gentleman started at the sound, and Itallles could tell by the creaking of the mattress that he had drawn him self up In n sitting posture. "Is that you. Kido?" he said in a tremulous voice. "Untiles, always thorough, thumped his list softly and quickly on tho floor, ns n dog's tall would wag. Then he gave a low, gentle bark. And Anally, perceiving the gentleman's hand hang. Ing over tho side of the bed, he leaned forward and licked It. "This thoroughness reassured the householder. He went off to sleep, and Uatlles a little later on went off with the swag." Considerate. Friend Now that you havo been married some time, old friend, tell mo frankly your opinion on the marriag" state. Much Married Man (to hi: wife) Just go outside, my dear. wll. you? Fliegendo Iilatter. Ready. He I wonder what your father wll'. nay when I ask him for your hand She Don't worry nbout that, dear, lie rehearsed It with me this morning, and he does it beautifully. Consistency. Knlckcr Where was Jones going when arrested for speeding? Hocker To rteliver a speech on the extrava gance of automobiles. New York Sun Miss Grace Smithy Queen Of Admission Day Carnival 1 Orator on Oratory. William Jennings Uryan, pacing the promenade deck of tho Celtic, tnlkcd of oratory, "An orator Is only great," ho said, "when ho has n great subject. Tho Vundatlon of oratory Is truth. "Truth will always prevail In tho end. I once heard n truo orator got n hissing. Hut ho smiled and said: " 'When a stream of truth la poured on redhot prejudices it Is no wonder they hiss.' "And then," said Mr. nryan, "tho hissing turned to hearty applause." To Be Looked At "Of courso, madam, I would not bo expected to light tho nro?" "CorUilnly not" "Nor swoop tho Boors?" "Certainly not" "Nor attend to tho door?" "Of courso not" "Nor to wait on tablo?" "No; I want nono of thoso things," said tho lady wltli her sweotest smllo. "Tho only thing I requlro a servant for lu to look nt her and for this you aro too plain." Itoyal Magazine California is celebrating its admission to the Union with more earnestness than usual this year. Each year the Native Sons of the Golden West choose somo city as the olllclnl place for tho celebration by holding their nnnual con vention and grand lodge sessions there. The smaller cities usually observe one day only, but because San Francisco wns selected this season arrange ments were made for a three day celebration with street fairs, parades and nthletlc contests. One of the features of tho festival this year was a parado of veterans of the Mexican war, by which California was acquired. This will probably be tho last time that there will bo such a pnrade, as there are but nine of the old lighters In California and their average age is eighty-four years. A queen of the carnival Is elected and during tho festival Is known ns "Queen California." Miss Grace Smith was chosen this year after a spirited contest S3M I .art r. fiZSmfE 'H frft.ci- m liTH R wR til MM LJCCM S2o EE pit1 ALCOHOL 3 PEIi rrvt" A cgclnble PreparalionlcrAs-simi!alinihcFoo(JaniJRcgL'!a-ling Uic Stomachs anrtBowcM ASTORIA For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought mum Promolcs D ies lion iZIir crfiiV ncss and Rest.Contalns neither Opiuiu.MorpIunc nor Mineral.' ROT WAR C OTIC. JfotpectOtlDrMZIlimHIl lfanpkLl Stcd jtlx.Sama ipnamint- , tliCutcactcSai Stpr Itatcgrren tlznr. Ancrfect Remedv forConsfica tion , Sour Stomcli.Dlarrhoea Worrns,tonvuisums.revrrisn ncss amlLoss or Sleep. Facsimile Signature of NEW YORK Bears the A, g SignatureJJ ft iF 1 jms. e SB ma u W For n se Over Thirty Years I r-wtamtaitssfm aipaiii Exact Copy of Wrapper. thi ccntmir commht. mwnMcin. READ CAREFULLY. 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