the errizii-N, fiuday, junk 21, 1010.
The
crap Bookialks
Knocked Out In One Course.
A quaint story about n guest wbu I
lind been Invited to sup with" Mr. C. ;
n. McCormlek. the Inventor of the '
reaper, Is told In the booU "Cyprus
Hall McCormlclt."
A very dignified nnd self centered
military olllcer was tnUtiiK supper with
the McConuick family. The llrst
course, as usual, was cornnieal mush
nnd milk. It was served In Scotch
fashion, with the hot mush In one
bowl and the cold milk In another.
The practice was so to co-ordinate the
catlug of them that both were finished
at the same time.
The olllcer planned his spoonfuls
badly and was soon out of milk.
"Have some more milk to finish your
mush, colonel," said McCormlek. Sev
eral minutes later the colonel's mush
bowl was empty, at which McCormlek
said, "Have some more mush to finish
your milk." And so It went, with milk
for the mush and mush for the milk,
until the unfortunate colonel was hope
lessly Incapacitated for the four or
five courses that came afterward.
Faith.
Better trust nil nnd bo deceived
And weep thnt trust nnd thnt deceiving
Than doubt ono heart thnt If believed
Had blessed one's life with truo believ
ing. Oh, In this mocking world too fast
The doubting (lend o'crtakes our youth I
Better bo cheated to tho last
Than lose the blessed hope of truth.
Frances Anne Kcmble.
One of the Lost Ones.
The father of Senator Dollivcr of
Iowa was a Methodist circuit rider in
the early sixties in northern West Vir
ginia. One Sunday morniug he was on his
way to preach at oue of his several
appointments when he met a young
fellow trudging along with a mattock
on his shoulder. Mr. Dollivcr, anxious
to do good at any time, stopped his
horse and said: "Good morning, my
son. "Where are you going this line
day with a mattock on your shoul
der r
The young fellow answered: "1 am
going over here to dig out a fine big
groundhog. Where In thunder are you
going?"
"I am out looking up some of the
lost sheep of Israel," replied the minis
ter. The young fellow's face lighted up,
nnd he exclaimed, "There's a big buck
over here at Uncle Billy's, and I'll
bet that's ono of them."' National
Monthly. V..:
His Fast Friends.
A teacher In a New England gram
mar school found the subjoined facts
in a composition on Longfellow, the
poet, written by a flf teen-year-old girl:
"Henry W. Longfellow was born In
Portland, Me., while his parents were
traveling in Europe. He had many
fast friends, among whom the fastest
were Phoebe and Alice Carey."
" :
X
He Drew the Line.
Old John was a lawyer's confidential
clerk, nnd he had the pernicious habit
of going to n neighboring saloon every
morning at 11 o'clock aud taking a
small glass of whisky. He was not
proud of this habit; hence after the
whisky he always took a clove.
But one morning It happened that
there were no cloves on the bar, and
John, after having considered the mat
ter, ate a small raw onion from the
free lunch tray. That would destroy
the telltale whisky odor, no doubt, as
well as the clove had always done,
and, so thinking, ho returned to hi
desk.
It was a double desk. At It he aud
his employer sat face to face. John
on his return was soon aware that his
employer noticed something. The
man's nostrils quivered, he sniffed,
and finally, with a grimace of disgust,
he broke out:
"Look here. John; I've stood whlky
and clove for nineteen years, but I
draw the lino at whisky and onions!"
Her Bargain.
A renn who was detained at the
house for a part of 'the day handed his
wife, who was going downtown, u
quarter of a dollar and requested her
to get him three cigars for It. When
she returned she handed him the pack
age, remarking exultantly:
"That hows that women can beat
men all hollow when It comes to mak
ing purchases. I found a place where
I could get eight for a quarter Instead
of thrco. Isn't that going some?"
And the poor man, as he took his
medMne. merely remarked:
"It certainly Is. dear."-OIl City Bliz
zard. Dessert Was Expensive.
A business man asked a young wo
man of his acquaintance to lunch In
a department store lunch room. Pull
ing out his watch in tho mlddlo of
tho moaL he suildenly remembered that
ho had an Important engagement and
had only a few minutes to catch a
train.
"Order what you want for dessert,"
he toldptbe young woman as ho hand
ed her a ton dollar bill, "and you can
givo mo the chango when I see you
this evening."
no kept his appointment, and In tho
evening tbeyouug woman handed him
nn envelope. "Here's your clwnge,"
she said. He placed tho letter In his
pocket and didn't open It until tho
next morning, and as bo did so 85
cents dropped out.
He is still wondering what the young
woman bad for dessert. Philadelphia
limes.
jgtaturday Qight
By Rev. F. E. DAVISON
Rutland, VL
l-ODCH-O-t-O04-0-l-O-HDl-O4C)-K3
THE KING DESCRIBING COUNTER
FEITS. International Bible Lesson for June
25, '10 (Matt. 13: 24-30, 36-43).
Among things thnt look alike there
is often n groat difference. Many a
person liar planted seed purporting to
bo one thing nnd the crop was quite
another. Going by a field of oats, It Is
Impossible for one who Is not a bot
anist to distinguish wild oats from
tamo ones. Thero are wolves In
sheep's clothing. Paint and putty cov
er a multitude of sins.
In the Orient when a men was par
ticularly Satanic he would go out by
night and sow tare3 In his neighbor's
field. Tho tares grew with the wheat,
looked like the wheat, could not be
distinguished from the wheat. They
both grew together until the harvest,
and then the farmer discovered the
worthless darnel. Instead of good
wheat he got a narcotic and an emetic,
the grain so Inextricably mingled that
separation was difficult, if not Impos
sible. Deception Everywhere.
The world Is full of counterfeits.
To such an extent has deception and
adulteration spread that it is very
difficult to tell the genuine from the
spurious, and we pay for one thing
and get another. So universal is the
practice that we take It for granted
that In every bargain we shall be
cheated. This custom touches the
food we eat, and the liquid we drink,
and the clothes we wear. To go ,jst
as 'ar as possible and escape detection
seems to be the rule of conduct. Old
fabhloned honesty Is out of date, and
to hoodwink and deceive the public is
the thing.
Labels on goods no longer mean
anthing. Watc'ies labeled Geneva,
Switzerland, manufactured in Massa
chusetts. Wine stamped Maderia, bot
tled in California. Sardines purport
ing to come from France, packed on
the coast of Maine with fish of an al
together different species. Articles of
rare value "made In Germany" that
never were outside of this country.
Pure Vermont maple syrUp in which
there Is not an Ingredient that came
from Vermont, or from a maple tree.
Coffee warranted pure and vhoTesom9,
composed of every lngr"e5ient except
the coffee berry. JShoes whose ficti
tious soles are pastebcTard, sandwich
edbetween thin leather. Cassia bark
sold for cinnamon, brick dustsold for
cayenne pepper, Prussian blue mixed
with tea leaves, plaster of Paris and
chalk adulterating the flour, sand min
gled with the sugar, water pumped
Into the milk.
Adulteration Universal.
So widespread Is the custom of
adulteration and counterfeiting that
the wonder is there Is a healthy per
son In America. Only those who are
In the secret know what they put Into
the spices, into the sugar, Into the
butter, into the canned goods. Every
now and then a whole family is slain
by the fiend of the dinner table, served
up In the soup, or the roast, or the des
sert Chemical analysis and the mi
croscope reveal the poison after it Is
too late. In England It has become
necessary to pass a law forbidding the
putting of alum in bread. The public
authorities examined 51 packages of
bread and found them all guilty. Phy
sicians IvrltTiig prescriptions that
mean health, are always under the
liability of prescribing death, through
the weakness of one Important cle
ment and the full force of another,
the remedy producing Just the oppo
site effect. The Idea seems to be to
get a cheaper material that will look
like the genuine, smell like tho genu
ine, taBte like the genuine, cannot bo
distinguished from the genuine, no
matter what effect upon the patient
Shoddy In all kinds of clothing.
Chromos for oil paintings. Diamonds
for $1.50. Spavined horses by skilled
Jockeys made to look spry. The big
gest apples on the top of tho bar-el.
It is a universal rule, adulteration, de
'celt, fraud, hypocrisy over tho ware
house, the store, the barn, the field,
the orchard. The Congress of tho
United States Is wrestling with tho
problem of pure food and Is over
whelmed with the seeming impossibil
ity of framing a law that will hit all
tho rascals.
Differences In Men.
When Christ told the story of the
wheat and the tares, lie meant, to
point out tho difference In men. There
are men who are whoat and there are
men who are tares, and It Is often
lmposstblo to distinguish the differ
ence; to nil outwnrd appenranco they
aro alike. They grow togother, are born,
educated, do business, engage in poll
tics, unite in society, belong to tho
same church, live In the samo com
munity, die and are hurled sldo by
side.
Tho difference Is not In birth,
creeds nnd churches aro no absolutely
certain crltorlon, what their neigh
bors think of thorn does not always
settle lt Christ Intimated that only
the angels could teH them apart,
when Ho said tboy must grow togoth
er until tho harvest and tho (harvest
is tho end of tho age.
Yet there Is a vast difference, and
it Is n real difference now. Whoat
men aro genuine grain, tares men aro
spurious. False labels do not affect
tho quality. Wheat will stand tho
test, however severe and at whatever
time It is applied. While sooner or
later tb:t which Is essentially a coun
terfeit will be discovered.
For the Children
A Busy English Boy
and His Motorcar.
Tho little boy running the motor
lives in England. He is the Hon.
Maynard Grevllle, son of the Countess
of Wnrwlck. Besides getting his les
sons, having n good time nt sports and
running motorcars, ho has been n page
at 100 society weddings.
Tho Secretary.
This is a variation of the old game
of "consequences," but It Is more per
sonal and therefore more Interesting.
Tho players may be seated around a
table, provided with pencils and pa
per and directed by the leader, or sec
retary, ns he Is called, each one to
write his or her own name at the top
of the sheet and fold It over so ns to
conceal it.
Tho secretary then collects the pa
pers aud redistributes them, with the
order to "write a character." The
players set to work to write a descrip
tion of an imaginnry character, good
or bad, or they may take any one of
their companions as a model. Tho
more extravagant tho details tho more
fun.
Again tho papers are taken up and
distributed, all being changed around,
and the writers are told to describe tho
past life of the unknown person whoso
name Is hidden at the top of the page.
Then follows tho order to describe tho
person's present, future, fate or for
tune or any particulars the secretary
may think to ask for. At last tho pa
pers are collected and read aloud, and
great is the amusement as each one
present Is described.
Name Characteristics.
This game will please those who like
to tax their wits and who enjoy a
problem, especially when competition
furnishes a spur. It consists In writ
ing a descriptive account of well
known persons, authors or others, us
ing only words beginning with tho let
ters composing their names and using
these letters in the order in which they
como In tho names. - j.v ,
An example Is given: " ' ' 4 1 '
W-hose 1-mmortnl 1-ines 1-lvo i-n a-11
m-emorles. S-overelgn h-onor a-bovo
k-lngly o-state. S-hakespearo's p-oetry
e-nchants n-11 r-eaders o-verywhere.
It would bo even more amusing to
take the names of some of tho com
pany present. A name might bo se
cretly allotted to each player.
Guessing Game.
In preparation for this cover four
spaces on tho walls of tho room with
pictures representing (1) famous men
nnd women In history or times past.
(2) famous buildings, (3) authors of
today and (-1) well known men nnd
women of the present time.
Cards, with pencil attached, should
bo given to each player. Every pic
ture Is numbered, and opposite the
corresponding number on the card tho
name of tho person or building repre
sented is written.
Tho person correctly guessing tho
largest number is the winner. Prizes
may bo glveu.
About Cats.
We all know the story of Dick Whit
tlngton's cat and tho fortune which It
brought to Its master. It wus valuable
because it was the ouly cat In tho
country to which Dick carried It
Our domestic cat Is tho descendant of
a very ancient family, which was held
sacred In ancient Egypt ns far back
as 1300 B. C. It Is even said that our
word "puss" comes from au Egyptian
namo for tho cat. If, therefore, an
cient lineage counts for nnythlug,
pussy Is certainly entitled to respect.
Why the Sun Sets.
Little" Jack asked his mother ono
nighf why the sun set so oftcu. Sho
told him so that It might rise In tho
inornlng. This seemed a useless rea
son, and Jack hunted for another. At
last ho said:
"Oh, I know, mother. The sun sets
so that sho can hatch all tho days."
International Salutations.
Tho British and tho French havo al
ways had tho greatest contempt for
each other, nnd this contempt has oven
gono Into proa-orbs. Au Englishman
speaks of "taking French leavo" and a'
Frenchman "going away In the Eng
lish fashion."
Conundrums.
Why aro house builders Hko novel
ists? Both construct stories.
When Is a wheel Hko a fly? When
It is a flywheel.
What ships aro moro common on
land than on water? Court-ships.
Two Cats and a Dog,
Two cattails started In to fight
One pleasant summer day.
A sun dog jumped down from the sky
And scared fhera both away.
500C
FOR A
OOOOOOOOOOQQOOOOGOSOiyl
Theme:
THE MODEL LIFE.
BY FREDERICK H. KNUBEL
.j. .j, .j.
Text As he Is, so are we In this
world. I. John, lv., 17.
4-
"The simple life" held attention
only a while. "The strenuous life"
wearies all. But the life of Jesus nev
er varies from its place In men's
thoughts. It Is the copy, the model
life, of tho world. It has that message
at least for all. The details and man
ner of human life change with country
and century, but the principles of that
one life are recognized as those of the
hghest human life everywhere and
in all ages. The "Imitation of Christ"
is man's struggle for perfection to
bo in fullest sense "ns He Is, In thU
world."
There is, however, au unnoticed
wonderful method of using His life a-
a model. It will startle, when rig...ly
recognized, though simple and prau
cal. It Is merely to take his ut er
ances concerning His own life and to
study if I can honestly say them of
mine. This must be posstDie If His
life principles are guides for me. Ills
conceptions of His life must In some
degree be possible for us with ours,
else Ho was not truly a man, and
the whole Idea that we may at all Imi
tate Him Is false.
He Justifies such use of His words.
For Instance, He said of Himself, "I
am the light of the world." Some of us
may also boldly say It of ourselves,
for He tells us, "Ye are the light o.
tho world." Let us try the memrxl
on other statements of His and tin.l
Its stimulus and attractiveness.
Ho spoke of the limits of His lite,
saying at one extreme, "Before Abra
ham was, I am;" at the other, "I am
with you unto the end of the world."
Can our lives have a reach like that?
Yes. Somebody has said a man's bio
graphy begins a thousand years before
ho Is born. It goes further hack than
that Unless we see our personal be
ginnings hidden back In the purpose;
and plans of God from eternity, and
reaching forward with results far Into
the future unlesB this, instead of be
ing bounded within a few miserable
years, we are grovelling In the dust
as we live.
As to the cause of His life, He said
God so loved the world as to give
Him. "The living Father hath sent
me." I, too, think unworthily of my
life until I conceive that same love
as sending me, until I realize there is
a thought of God toward men wrap
ped up in me.
Life's purpose. Jesus said: "He
that hath seen me hath seen the
Father." Dare I say that? The truest
lives are always those which, when
touched, make men feel God those
whose good works lead us to glorify
tho Father.
Life's Method. Jesus: "Come unto
me, all ye that labor and aro heavy
laden, and I will give you rest." Simi
larly, our Ideal Intention must be thai
men shall not through us find trouble,
worry, annoyance, deceit, loss but
rest Every true life must be a help
ful lift, an Invitation to others to rest.
Life's Possessions. Jesus; "All
things that tho Father hath arc mine."
The same wealth Is theirs who aro
heirs of God. "All things are yours."
"All things work together for good to
those who lovo God." The universe
runs for tholr sakes.
Thoso are but samples of the meth
od. Definitely realized, each one ex
alts mightily. The records of that
model human life, thus searched,
throb with now, practical meaning for
us. We see anew Its own towering
height. Its deep foundations, its wide
Inclusions. Yes, more! The effort to
transfer His statements to our own
lips, successfully possible though It
often Is, will finally realize thnt In
much Ho lived, after all, "a separated
Ufo" that there Is uniqueness to
which none other can attain. Thus
it 1b when Ho says, for instance
"Without mo yo can do nothing," or
"I am the way, the truth, tho life."
Thero Is nothing in us to repeat such
statements as to o-irselves. Ono soon
recognizes that by Ills own words,
though Ho be truly a model, yet He
claims to bo for us something beyond
and beforo that
Preparing for Heaven.
If wo lovo pure things wo shall
grow pure. If wo lovo heavenly things
wo shall bocomo heavenly minded. If
we lovo tho Bible Its words will sink
into our hoarts and mn through nil
our life, and make us like the things
the words moan or describe. If we
lovo tho Father's house In this world
wo shall bo prepared for tho Father's
house In tho other-world. Many peo
plo, howover, who want to go to hoav
en when they die, show very llttlo af
fection for heavenly things In this
llfo. Tho puzzling question Is, how
thoy will enjoy honven In all Its pur
ity, when they cannot enjoy heavenly
communion and sorvlco hero on earth?
I do bollovo tho common man's
work 1b the hardest Tho hero has tho
hero's aspiration Umt lifts him to his
labor. All groat duties are easier
than tho llttlo ones, though they cost
far moro blood aud agony, Brooks.
Do good to them that hate you and
you will soon have thorn hating themselves.
Saving the 11.
"In Cairo." said a journalist, "I
heard n queer yarn about tho fella
hln, The fellnhln are tho native ru
rallsts. They are very poor. Well,
when the British built tho Egyptian
state rallwny the officials wero as
tounded nt the enormous quantities of
train oil thnt disappeared. They knew
that nil this oil couldn't bo used for
lubricating purposes, so they made nn
Investigation nnd found that It had
become the staple food of the poor
fellnhln. Tho railroad detectives re
ported that the fellahln nil over
Egypt were using the Egyptian state
rallwny's train oil ns their chief sup
port. They buttered their bread with
train oil. They fried their fish In train
oil. They made n kind of suet pudding
with train oil ns n base. They drank
train' oil heated as a llesh producer or
builder up. So the railway officials
mixed castor oil with the stuff, and
tho fellahln after a year's torturing
and vain effort to nccllmate their sys
tems to the mixture decided to give
train oil up."
The Giant Bible.
Thero Is in the Itoyal library nt
Stockholm among other curiosities a
manuscript work known as tho giant
Bible on account of Its extraordinary
dimensions. It measures 00 centime
ters in length and Is 50 centimeters
in breadth that Is, about 35 by 10
Inches. It requires three men to lift
It. There are 309 pages, but seven
havo been lost. The parchment of
which the book Is composed required
the skins of 1(10 asses. There are two
columns on each page, and the book
contains the Old and New Testaments,
with extracts from Josephus. The
Initial letters are Illuminated. Tho
binding Is of oak, four and one-half
centimeters In thickness. The book
narrowly escaped destruction In tho
fire in tho royal palace of Stockholm
in 1G97. It was saved, but somewhat
damaged, by being thrown out of a
window. London Globe.
Under the Spell.
Dashaway A few short hours ago 1
was sitting with a girl, telling her she
was the only one In all the world I
ever loved, and so forth.
Cleverton And she believed you,
didn't she?
"How could she help It? Why, I be
lieved It myself."-Life
Without Trimmings.
Payne, an examiner at Cambridge
university, whose questions were al
ways of a peculiarly exasperating na
ture, once asked a student at a special
examination to "give a definition of
happiness."
"An exemption from Payne," was
ho moll'.
Setting Her Right.
Mistress So you want to leave,
Mary? With what motive are you
leaving? Cook It ain't a motive,
mum; It's a policeman. Boston Cou
rlpr ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT
AVcdelablerVfiaralinn Rtr.U.
slmltatinfj itaFuodandltogufr
ting Uie S toaiaclis amlBowels of
30 C
ProrruotcsDigeslionJCheerfur
ness and Rest.Contains neither
OpiuntMorphine nor Mineral.
NOT Is ARC OTIC.
Ihnpla St-td-jtlxJtasa
JtxMltSJts-
Him Sir J
Ctontki 'Sugar
hhrtryrrai fknvr.
Apcrfect Remedy fbrConsfipa-;
IMS
lion . aour aiouiacit. u idi uiixi
"Yorms,ConMilsious.tetristi
ncss aiulLoss or Sleep.
Facsimile Signature of
NEW YORK.
30-tl
Exact Copy of Wrapper,
CASTORS
MAN'8 DEBT TO THE HORSE.
A Docile, Willing, and Useful Servant
for Ages.
Of all dumb brutes the horse Is th
ono which most deserves the gratitude
of man. It has been his docile and
willing servant for ages. It has help
ed him to conquer the reluctant earth.
It has eased and aided him In the dull
business of getting a living. It has
played a greater part In human pro
gress than many a race of men.
Until man had made tho horse his
servitor and ally, the thing that we
now know as civilization was out of
his reach, The mere labor of getting
hla dally bread consumed all of his
energies. But when tho first plow
horse threw Its weight forward a now
era dawned for humanity. Thereaftor
man began to have leisure to plan and
dream. Llfo became to him less a
matter of muscle and more a matter
of mind. It was then that progress
really begun.
The horse appeals very llttlo to the
theatrical sense. It Is a silent, pnti
ent, undemonstrative beast, with lit
tle of the humanlike emotionalism of
the dog. It does not dash Into raging
torrents to save its master's life; It
Is not a df.-troyor of burglars and kid
nappers; H does not cuddle down on
hearth rues. One rarely loves a
horse, perhaps, as one sometimes
loves a do?. But In those drab but In
valuable virtues which distinguish
the honest friend and true comrade,
willing to take his share of labor in
the heat of the day, the horse Is with
out a peer
The day of the horse, say the
prophets, is well nigh done. In an
other generation or two ho will glvo
way to go dless machines. We two
legged mortals will eat him, perhaps,
or watch iiim race around a track, but
we will n' longer need him In our end
less battlf with the pltless earth. So
be It! I. ft him go but let us not for
get him. Time was when there wero
no devil agons or gasoline engines,
no locon.i :ive or steam thrashers, and
in that 'n.ie man and the horse, labor
ing vallintly side by side, conquered
continents and made the waste places
bloom.
Advertising a Dog's Cemetery.
For several years Parisians and
English visitors to Paris have made
pious pilgrimages to the Dogs' Come
tery on the He des Itavageurs, Just
outside the city. There they have read
with emotion such Inscriptions as "A
mon toutou adore," "A mon malou
cheri" and many others of a similar
kind. But It now transpires that these
tender tributes were the invention of
some enterprising stonecarver who,
when the graveyard was opened. In
1899, was given a monopoly for the
tombstones to be erected over tho
graves of canine favorites. In order
to attract others he erected fifty
stones In various parts of the ceme
tery and engraved apocryphal Inscrip
tions on them.
GASTORIA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
In
Use
Over
Thirty Years
GASTORIA
THC OINTAUR COMPANT. MtWTORKCITt.
KRAFT & CONGER
rF
HONESDALE, PA.
Renresent Reliable
Comnanies ONLY
Bears the c
Signature JM
For
DIN