Newspaper Page Text
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1C, 1010.
Yet, Ho Knew the Tlmo.
A quiet, bashful sort of a young fiM
low was ninklng a call on a Cnpltoi j
hill girl ono evening not so very long
ago when her fa
titer came into
the parlor with
his watch In his
h n n d. It was
nbout half past 1)
o'clock. At the
in o m o n t t h
young man was
standing on n
ing a plctiiroover
the piano. The
girl had asked
him to (Is It. As
he turned the old
gruff, stout fol-
"DO YOU lUiOff WHAT low, Said:
TIME it is?"
"Y oung man,
do you know what time It isV"
The bashful youth got off the chair
nervously. "Yes, sir." ho replied. "1
was Just going."
He went into the hall without any
delay and took his
hat and coat. The
girl's father fol- ?
lowed him. As
the caller reached
for the doorknob
the old gentleman
ngnin asked him
if he knew what
time It was.
"Yes. sir," was
the youth's reply.
"Good nightl" And
bo shot from the
wnltlng to put his
After the door
had closed the old
to the girl. he shot from the
"What's the mat- house.
ter with that fellow?" ho asked. "My
watch ran down this afternoon, and 1
wanted him to tell me the time so that
1 could set it." Denver Post.
The Chainless Mind.
Sternal spirit of tho chainless mind,
Brightest In dungeons, liberty thou art.
For there thy habitation is the heart
Tha heart which love of thee alone can
And when thy sons to fetters are con
signed To fetters and the damp vault's dayless
Their country conquers with their mar
tyrdom. And freedom's fame finds wines on every
Lord Byron, From "The Prisoner of
Ha Didn't Drop.
The great operatic star Signor Foil
(John McCormack) when singing in
grand opera in his native city, Cork
had to sing one of his songs from
stage balcony. The arrangements
were not very perfect, and tho man
ager, fearing tho carpenter had not
made the balcony strong enough to
sustain the weight of the big man.
told off two assistants to hold it up
from beneath. Tho lengthy signor was
only half through his song when one
man said to the other:
"Bo jabers. Molke, the Oitalian Is
"Lets dhrop him, Pat. He's only an
Oitalian. nfther all!"
Voice from the signor nbove, "Will
ye, yp dlvlls. will ye?"
"Tare an' 'ouns. Pat, but he's an
Olrishman! Hould him up for the
lolfo of ycz!"
An Impossible Name.
In the Jefferson Market police court,
New York city, several years ago a
man and a woman upou being ar
raigned for disturbing tho peace told
the magistrate that the commotion bo
tween them had started in au argu
ment as to what they should name
Iheir baby boy.
"What do you want to call him?"
isked the magistrate of the father,
vho was employed as a waiter at a
"Ludwlg." answered tho German.
"And you?" he asked the mother.
"Adolpli." sighed the latter.
The modern Solomon thought a mo
ment. "I'll tell you what to call him,'
re said at length. "Call him Adolpli
"Xeln, uein!" shouted the father.
Ludwlg Adolph, yes; Adolpli Ludwlg,
The magistrate demanded the reason
for his stubbornness.
"Der reason Is der odder valters,"
plained tho father. "I am Carl Co
Blentz, uud If we called our leetle boy
Adolph Ludwlg Coblentz every vniter
nt der restaurant vould see his initials
tas A. L. C, vich means a la carte,
and ve dou't serf no a la carlo by our
restaurant, only tablo d'hote."
Getting Back at Him.
The young man was timid, but he
loved tho girl so fervently that ho mus
tered up enough courago to wait upon
her wealthy father and ask him for
"So you huvo tho impudenco to ask
for ray daughter's hand, eh?" exclaim
ed tho father crustily. "Why, sir, at
your present salary you couldn't inoro
than keep her in gloves."
"Well," stammered tho suitor,
"wouldn't that bo enough?"
"What! Do you mean to Insinuate,
young man, that my daughter would
wear only gloves?"
"Pardon me, sir," replied tho young
man, with sudden courage; "I asked
only for her band." Young's Mags-ilno,
The New Medicine That Mr. Blodgttt
Did Not Buy.
Mr. Blodgett, who lives out of town,
fancies ho is allllcted with liver com
plaint and in consequence tries every
new mcdlclno that comes on the mar
ket, fondly expecting it to provo ef
fective for his particular malady. Not
only that, but lie swallows every sam
ple of medicine left at tho door by
canvassers and anxiously continues
his search for something now.
"Did you ever hear of liver twist.
Maria?" was Wodgott's first remark to
his wife as ho came home from busi
ness n few evenings since.
"No, I never heard of It, but 1 sup
pose I shall have to get you a bottle
if you want to try it," was tho answer.
"I will find out something more
about It tomorrow and sec if they have
any testimonials lcforo wo get It."
"I don't think you need mind nbout
the testimonials, for you wilt take it
anywny," said Mrs. Blodgett wearily.
When Mr. Blodgett came homo the
next evening his wife said, "Charles,
have you got that bottle of liver twist
"Well no er you sec, Maria, there's
no such thing."
"No such thing!" exclaimed tho as
"No." I saw it advertised in big let
ters on a barn. It Just said liver twist
and that was nil. This morning I saw
it on a fence the other side Of the road,
and then I looked at the barn to sec
where tho mistake was, and I found
that the first board was pulled off, and
it was an advertisement for a theater,
and the name of the play was 'Oliver
Twist.'" New York Press.
A voluble faker was selling bottles
of a mixture lie called hair grower on
a street corner. He said:
"Yes, gents, ono bottle of this un
rivaled hair grower will raise a rich,
luxuriant crop of hair on tho baldest
head in the crowd. But let me give
you this ono word of warning."
Here he paused to pocket a half dol
lar and hand a bottle of the liquid to
"My warning is: Do not neglect when
the full head of hair Is grown to take
the last dose in the bottle Internally,
that is, swallow It"
"Swallow It. What for?" the buyer
"To clinch the roots," was tho reply.
Tho Cat's Bed.
"It's a bad thing to mix presence of
mind and abscntmindedness," said an
actress. "When 'Mme. Sans-Gene' was
the play of tho hour I had tho part of
tho blancblsseuse in the laundry scene
and was busily engaged in ironing
when a cat which had its home some
where about tho theater camo walking
on to the stage. I thought this would
furnish a good opportunity to give a
realistic domestic touch to the 6ceue,
and so when puss came purring up
and rubbed against me I stroked her
fur, spoke to her, and then, for fear
she might be distracting, I picked her
up and put her down on the nearest
place at band, saying, 'There, pussy,
go to sleep.'
"The cat curled up contentedly, and
I went on with my lines. Suddenly I
was awaro of a murmur among the
audience, which increased to a ripple
of laughter. I realized something was
up and turned Instinctively to look nt
puss. There she was, asleep, where I
had put her, among the irons on the
'redhot' range." Young's Magazine.
If a man meets with Injustice it is
not required that ho shall not be
roused to meet it, but if he is angry
after ho has had time to think upon
it, that Is sinful. Tho flame is not
wrong, but tho coals are. Beecher.
How a Juror Was Lost.
In a southern county of Missouri
years ago, when tho form of question
ing was slightly different than now,
much trouble was experienced in get
ting a Jury in a murder trial. Finally
an old fellow answered every question
satisfactorily lie had no prejudices.
BATISF1UU WITH THE INSPECTION.
was not opposed to capital punishment
and was generally a valuable flud.
Then tho prosecutor said solemnly:
"Juror, look upon tho prisoner. Pris
oner, look upou tho Juror."
Tho old man adjusted his spectacles
and peered at tho prisoner for a full
minute. Then, turning to tho Judge,
as though fully satisfied with tho in
spection, ho said:
"Judgo, dura mo if I don't bellore
bo's guilty." Kansas City Star.
HUMOR OFTHE DM
" When the Simile Failed.
"Dearest," lie whispered, taking her
hand In both his own. "my love for
you is like n powerful automobile with
n six cylinder engine to rush us past
tho troubles that will line our way."
WUh a happy sigh she nestled closer
and closer to him, and he continued
his glad and glowing rhnpsody:
"Life s road lies straight and smooth
ahead, and love's touring car will take
us safely nnd nil too quickly to the
Enraptured, she tightened her clasp
upon ids fingers, nnd his heart thrilled
with immeasurable joy.
"Tho Bupply In tho tank of affection
will never run low," ho resumed, "nnd,
no matter how sharp are tho rocks of
adversity, the tires of contentment
will never be punctured."
Fondly she placed her head upon his
shoulder and offered no resistance ns
his arm encircled her wnist.
"A perfect radiation system," he
went on, "will insure us against over
heated feelings that lead to angry
words uud misunderstandings."
"How nice!" she murmured.
"The igultiou will be faultless," he
declared, his enthusiasm Increasing
with every word, "nnd there will nev
er be tho slightest dnuger of our spark
of happiness being short circuited. All
this will be yours," ho concluded, "If
you will but marry me."
"And to think, Jack, how happy wo
will be since you really own an auto
mobile!" she replied, gazing trustingly
Into his eyes.
"Why, no, Nearest," he answered In
surprise; "you are mistaken."
"Sir," she exclaimed, rising in nil her
dignity, "you liavo deceived me! Such
n thing ns marriage to you is out of
the question." Puck.
Little Hnrold was getting final in
structions before starting for a party.
"Now," cautioned his mother, "at
supper If they ask you the second time
to have something you must decline."
Harold agreed and trotted off.
At one stage of tho feast tho hostess
noticed how eagerly tho little fellow
was applying himself to tho task of
disposing of a generous dish of mar
malade. When he had finished she in
quired, "Won't you have some more,
The child looked up at her quickly.
"I can't accept tho second time," he
said earnestly after a slight pause,
"but If you'll ask me a third time I
think It will be all right"
Ho was asked. Woman's Home Com
panion. Now He Thinks It's Wrong to Bet.
Two old cronies went Into a drug
storo in the downtown part of New
York city, and, addressing the proprie
tor by his first nnme, one of them
"Dr. Charley, we have made a bet of
the ice cream sodas. We will have
them now, and when the bet is decid
ed the loser will drop in and pay for
As tho two old fellows were depart
ing after enjoying their temperance
beverage tho druggist asked them
what tho wager was.
"Well," said one of them, "our friend
George bets that when the tower ot
tho Singer building falls it will topple
over toward tho North river, and I
bet that it won't" Everybody's.
Miss De Pink's Purchase.
Miss Do Pink (who wants a little in
nocent powder for her complexion)
Have you any er Infant powder?
Druggist's New Boy Wo are just
out, ma'am, but if you'll leave your
address I'll get It to you today.
New Boy (a few hours later) Does
Miss De Pink live hero?
Mr. Nicefello Yes; this is the house
New Boy Just goiu' in, ain't you?
Mr. Nicefello Yes, my boy; I am go
ing to make n call.
New Boy Well, I'm in a hurry.
Please give 'er this package. It's some
thing for her baby. New York Week
ly. Why He Was Successful.
Some said because he had sand.
Some because he had ginger.
Some because of an iron constitu
tion. Some because of his brazen Impu
dence. Somo said ho was a man of finer
Sonic called him the salt of the
Some said ho was true steel.
Aud somo said it was only because
of ills father's tin. Life.
it Might Have Bean.
The waiter hroucht tho order.
"Wnlter," roared the hungry guest,
"It's bean soup, sir," answered tho
"So it looks," agreed the guest liar
The Proper Way.
"I Bee where that airship inventor la
to deliver an Illustrated lecturo on avl
"I supposo the Illustration will bo by
skylights." Baltimoro American.
"Camo In last night and fell against
"No. I struck tho soft pedal."'
A Masterpiece Anyway.
"Maud's hair is what you would call
Titian, isn't it?"
Well, Titian or lml-Tltlan."-Boaton
NIGHT OF EhiGTiON
When I secured a contract on ono of
tho largest railroads In India 1 took
my wife and little daughter with mo
and established them in a bungalow
on tho line. I was away all day, some
times for days together, but I left
plenty of servants at tho houso and
telt no concern ns to tho safety of my
family. My wife, who was troubled
with insomnia, slept alone, and our lit
tle girl, seven years old, slept In a
room with me. In that hot climate it '
is impossible to keep tho doors and '
windows closed, and when I camo In
lato nt night I had no troublo In en
tering. Ono night I went homo and, finding
tho door closed, climbed Into my room
through nn open window. As 1 did
not enro to waken Itosle, who slept in
a crib in ono corner, I took off my
shoes before entering and stepped
noiselessly. Undressing with tho same
caution, I got into bed and was soon
I was awakened by a low growl.
Thinking that my big dog Bruin had
come into tho room, I was nbout to
got up and put lilm out when I was
startled by another growl unlike tlint
of a dog, but strangely resembling
some ono of the wild animals with
which tho country abounds. But what
sent a thrill of horror through mo was
that it camo from Roslc's crib.
Tho chamber door opened near my
bed that Is, It opened toward mo in
stead of nwny from mo. Hero was
a possible exit for mo if indeed I gave
up my child for lost and choso to make
an attempt to save my own life. I
might slip out of bed and through tho
door. It Is said that self preservation
is tho first law of nature, and I con
fess I practically Illustrated the say
ing. Catching sight of two glaring
eyc3 in the corner in which the crib
stood, I lost consciousness of all but
ono thing my own immediate threat
ened death. Springing from tho bed,
I pulled open the door, which fortu
nately stood slightly ajar, slipped
through and pulled It shut behind me.
At the same Instant I heard tho sound
of a heavy body striking against it
and a terrible growl, which I now rec
ognized as that of tho man cater (the
tiger) of India.
There was nothing to do but hold
the door. True, tho tiger would not
unlatch It, but I did not caro to tako
even tho most remote chance of letting
him Into that portion of tho house oc
cupied by my wife and tho servants.
There was a transom above, and very
soon glass shattered by the tiger's paw
fell on my head. Looking up, I saw
his noso protruding, but fortunately
the space was too small to pass him.
Realizing tho fact, he abandoned this
point of egress, and I heard tho thud
of his fore- paws on tho floor. I ex
pected ho would go out at tho window,
but he did not seem inclined to do so.
Hearing a step behind me, I turned,
and there stood my wifo in her night-
"Rosie!" I moaned.
"What of her?"
Without a word tho mother sank In
Now comes n surprise In my story, '
for which, whenever I think of It, I
lift my eyes to heaven and utter n
"Thank God!" Itoslo herself camo run
ning along tho hallway. A few hasty
questions and answers explained her '
presence. Sho had heard low growls
from the tiger under tho window be
fore lie entered nnd. terrified, fled to
her mother's room and got into bed I
beside her without awakening her.
Then came servants, but so great is
the terror of tho man cater among the
natives that when I explained thnt I
had left ono in my room most of them
fled. My wifo revived, snw her daugh
ter and swooned again, this time
through excess of Joy.
Ono feeling now took possession of
me, a desire to have tho blood of tho
creature that had so terrified me, that
might havo killed my child. Directing
tho servants to tnko my wife and
daughter to their sleeping room nnd
lock them in, I called for my repeating
rifle and, going into the ynrd, took po
sition near tho window through which
tho tiger hnd entered. Thero was no
sign of him, nnd I feared ho had gone
when I saw a bit of yellow fur above
tho window sill. It was the ridge of
his back. I should have waited till ho
put his paws on tho sill preparatory to
Jumping through tho window, but I
could not brook tho delay. I called to
tho servants to bring mo something on
which to stand so that I could seo luto
tho room, but none of them dared np-1
proach. Finally ono braver thhu tho
rest throw mo n box. Taking it to
withiu a fow yards of tho window. I
mounted it In tlmo to seo tho beast put
his foro paws on Itoslo's crib and in
this elevated position staud looking
about him. Thero wns uo tlmo to
spare. Ho would soon seo me and
como for mo. I havo never before or
sinco known tho perfect poiso of nervo
with which I pointed my rlllo at him,
aimed behind tho shoulder and fired.
Tho tiger sprang to tho celling, then
fell back dead.
What has since puzzled mo nro my
own changes and feelings, first horror
at tho supposed fnto of my child, next
tho all pervading senso of my own dan
ger nnd lastly fear giving placo to a
desiro for revenge. Tho most pleasura
ble sensation I have ever experienced
was tho sight of tho beast springing
up and falling dead. I dislike to think
thut at tho bottom of us naturo has
Implanted tho saiuo brutal instinct,
rage, ns that given to tho tiger. Nev
ertheless I havo his skin, which I use
for a rug and never step on it without
a sensation of joy.
1 Puzzled the Packer.
Tho first organized work of women
I In a relief corps was led by Florenco
'Nightingale In tho Crimean war of
1833. So unaccustomed wore pcoplo to
thnt florvlco nt the tlmo that it called
0ut some curious comment Writing
of "Chln?se" Gordon, Dr. Butler tells
in Ills book, "Ten Great and Good
Men," how tho boys nt Cambridge met
tho call upon them for hospital stores.
Ono day a letter camb suddenly from
tho war olllco telling us thnt any warm
clothes for tho invalids at Scutari
would bo prized by Miss Florenco
Nightingale. At once in every college
n committee was extemporized of lead
ng undergraduates, charged to collect
presents of flannel Jackets, trousers,
"blazers," rugs, grcatcoatu, furs, even
In a few hours box after box was
filled with these treasures, and nil tho
boxes were kindly nnd gratuitously
packed for us by the leading upholster
er of tho town, his foreman simply re
marking to me In a tone which General
Gordon would have enjoyed:
"A nlco consignment for a lady, sir."
A Dutch Fishing Fleet.
If tho traveler wants to get a real
glimpse of picturesque Holland, a
glimpse which shall ong bo n happy
memory, let him journey to tho old
fishing villago of Schcvcnlngen, not
far from The Hague. Its fishing fleet
is an imposing one nnd is best seen at
night, when the boats nre drawn up on
the beach. Each has a number, nnd
theso are painted on tho sides in such
large figures that they can be read
at a considerable distance. At night
when the fishermen begin to come to
laud the women of tho village walk
down to the beach with their knitting
in their hands to meet them. They
wear their wooden shoes, some of
which nre made to look especially
clean by an application of whiting, and
they make a merry clatter ns they go.
Industry is characteristic of the wom
en of Holland in all walks of life.
They must always bo at work of some
kind, and it would seem as If more
knitting needles must be used in Hol
land than in any other country in tho
world. E. J. Farrington in Interior.,
A New Rifle Muffler.
The stir created by Maxim's murder
ous rifle silencer, which Is really a
mufller, not a silencer, has brought
other Inventors into the field. A Mooro
silencer is chronicled that is said to
have many advantages over that of
Maxim, not the least of which is its
relative cheapness. The ordnance de
partment of the army Is now giving it
a test. AVith a considerable crop of
"silencers" it Is probnblo that a really
effective eliminator of the report of a
rifle will eventually be evolved. The
next war is thus likely to be fought In
a deadly silence, far more terrifying
than the roaring of tho unmuzzled gun
powder of historic battlefields. New
ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT
tinrj the Stomacfis aMBowls of
Promotes D igestionJCheerful-i
ncss and Rest.Contalns neita
Aperiect Remedy for CcmsHpa-i
ncss andLoss or Sleep.
JacSimilc Signature or
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
WPPF ATARI A
INTELLIGENCE OF THE POX.
Apparently Able to Distinguish Bo
tvreen Real and False Dangers.
Tho intelligence of the fox Is ofton
shown by the way he rofusca to bo
headed when he has made up his
mind as to the safe courso to tako.
Tho West Somerset havo an excel
lent fixture at Kllve, but it has ono
drawback tho soa la not far oft, and
foxes naturnlly often make for the
cliffs, n secure refuge. A fox can he
easily hoaded at times, but that is
nearly always when to he seen would
fbetrny him to his enemies, tho hounds
and givo thorn an advantage; but when
if ho makes his point tho advantage
is on his side, then nothing will turn
To return to the West Somerset at
Kllve; they found a fox, and the whlp
perln, r.elng that tho fox meant to go
to the cliffs If possible, started to head
him off. The ground was open, and
for half a mile the whlpperin and fox
were taking parallel lines, the fox
clearly meaning to slip by and find a
refuge In the cliffs. The man turned
the fox away at last, but In a short
tlmo the hounds lost him, and I be
lieve he got back after nil.
Again tho master ranged up some of
tho fiold to prevent another fox going
back Into a certain covert. In vain
whips were rattled against saddle
flaps; the fox went right through tho
watchers and mado his point It Ib a
thing I have often noticed both with
stag or fox, that the quarry seems to
distinguish between real and false
dangers. London Globe.
The excessive mortality of over
weights has been published by Mfe In
surant statisticians, and the pheno
menon must be considered in football
discussions. It is now a proved fact
that the men who nre barred from
tho gsme are the ones who live the
longo-t, and though mere length of lifo
is no criterion of Its usefulness, yet It
is a lir resumption that the longest
llvr ' . e the most vigorous and, there
forp ' ? best brain workers.
Th- collerot' are then spending the
moat money on the students who will
give -he least returns. Every now
and hcn so Tie ingenious follow pub
lishes statistics showing that students
able to take part in sports outlive
those too defective to tako any part
at all, as though that needed numeri
The new statistics 6how that tho
healthy underweights excluded from
football are fitter for survival in
America than' the overweights of tho
teams. American Medicine.
Iceland Can Support 1,000,000.
Prof. Thoroddson, who was deputled
by the king of Denmark to study the
economic resources of Iceland, re
ports that the island will be able to
provide food and living for a million
people in future, Instead of scarcely
78,000 as now.
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
YMC OCNTAUH COMPANY, MCW TO CITY.
KRAFT & CONGER
Bears the 9