THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, iUNE 1, 1010.
The
Scrap
It Made His Wife Laugh.
At breakfast she said:
"Dearie, you know the plumbers nre
coming this morning mul the water
will bo shut off a
couple of Onys.
We'll need vouio
up In the bnth
r o o iu, a n d I
thought you could
carry up a few
bucketf uls from
the cistern and
1111 the tub."
"All right," he
replied. lie had
found the best
w ay to h a v o
peace at homo
w a s always to
agree with li 1 s
HE BTAIITKB TO W0I1K wlf0i
"You get the buckets, wlfcy, and I'll
get busy right away," ho told her.
She found a couple of palls, and ho
started to work. A dozen or more
buckets of water
bad been poured
laboriously Into
the bathtub "when
on his next trip
he found her
waiting at the
cistern. She was
laughing so hard
It was with some
difficulty she
managed finally
to tell the hard
working hubby
what the matter she was lauohixo.
was. It had just occurred to her that
the water pipes had not yet been dis
connected nnd the faucet in the tub
might Just as well have been turned
on.
Hubby never said a word. He only
turned red, put on his hat and coat
and went downtown. Knnsas City
Star.
The Earth and Man.
A little sun, a little rain,
A soft wind blowing from the west.
And woods and fields are sweet again
And warmth within the mountain's
breast.
So simple Is the earth wo tread.
So quick with love and life her fame.
Ten thousand years have dawned and fled,
And still her maelc Is the same.
A little love, a little trust,
A soft Impulse, a sudden dream,
And life as dry as desert dust
Is fresher than a mountain stream.
3o simple Is the heart of man,
So ready for new hope and Joy,
?en thousand years since It began
Have left It younger than a boy.
Stopford A. Brooke.
A Standing Joke.
Trains were always slow and far be
tween on the branch road. Nobody
knew this bettor than the people at the
Junction, except perhaps those on the
branch Itself. It was an old story to
them, and the jokes about the situa
tion were many and good. One day
the newsdealer at the Junction sta
tion came home to lunch grinning
broadly to himself.
"What's the joke?" asked his wife.
"You look pretty well pleased with
yourself."
"Oh, nothing particular," ho replied,
"excepting an odd fellow from the end
of the Hue said a funny thing.
"He'd missed his train, and there
wasn't another for two hours. He
came to the counter to buy some read
ing matter. lie asked for a Joke book,
aud I said I didn't keep them. Then
he pawed over the stock and finally
said, 'Well, I guess I'll take a time ta
ble instead.' "
A Stomach on a Holiday.
A Chicago wine merchant went on
a yachting trip with a Judge from the
same city. They were out together
for two weeks and had n good time.
When they returned the agent was
much upset to find himself summoned
on a jury, but cheered up when he
discovered the judge on the bench was
his late yachting companion. He hur
ried to the court and pleaded business
pressure as u reason for an excuse for
him.
"What is your business?" tho judge
inquired of him coldly.
"I represent a wiuo in Chicago."
"Selling It or drinking it?"
"Well, drinking it largely."
"Step Into the box, sir. A ten days'
rest will do you good."
The wine agent served. Saturday
Evening Post.
Just a Little Dubious.
Uncle Solon Wlnslow had secured n
succession of four admirable wives, all
of whom had been removed from the
scene of their earthly activities by one
cause or another within n period of
twenty years.
Uncle Solon's weddings had grown
to bo so much a matter of course that
when, after n year of wldowerhood, ho
announced his nppronchlng fifth mar
riage ono of his neighbors said, "Well,
Solon, I s'poso they seem pretty nut
ural to you by this time weddings, I
mean."
"This ouo won't," said the prospec
tive bridegroom, "for old Parson
Frost's off on his threo months' leave,
you know, and he's never failed to tlo
tho knot for me.
"I sold to Susan that I didn't know
ns 'twould hardly seem llko a wed
ding to me without him, and she said
to mo that 'twas her turn Jo choose
this time, and she intended to start
out with young Parson Comer over to
tho Center, and if ho did well she
gueBsed she'd stick to him.
"She didn't explain what she meant,"
added Uncle Solon thoughtfully, "but
it sounded kind of ominous to me."
Book
42?
rwo VAKI.SilKh OK CO I IN.
'vi'ilcn Honey mid Guidon Illinium
IxiM'p Longer Than the Wultc Sorts.
The golden yollow and extrn sweet
varietur ot corn tor the ahlo havo
. iiKrf.i tne public by storm Uolden
llantnm was among the first of these
ilellgnttul variations upon a favorite
delicacy It is very early, very
sweet by some considered the
sweetest corn thai grows. As may
i'( Interred trom tho name. It Is
GOLDEN HONEY SWEET CORN.
O'.varf. growing not more thnn three
fnet high, and makes a small, com
pact ear. In their early stages tho
grains are cream white, maturing to
a beautiful golden yellow.
At the head of these tempting
golden sweet varieties some connois
seurs In corn plnce Golden Honey
sweet corn. It Is medium early,
quite prolific and has ears of good
size.
It Is claimed that both these yel
low corns keep In good eating con
dition longer than the white sorts.
The distinctive points of the golden
sweets are their color and a certain
'rich dellcacr" of flavor, in which
those who fancy them most say,
they excel any other kinds. They
ir- pretty certain to becomo fvor
ites "bere Introduced Into a com
munity. Potash for Muck So lit
Muck soil that has been under cul
tivation for some time usually needs
a copious supply of potash to re
plenish the original quantity of that
soil essential which has been taken
up by tho firs few cbrops, or has
disappeared, through the leaching
I recess, to deaths beyond the reach
ot the roots of farm plants.
It one has access to plenty ot wood
isiihb and r ders a very cheap and
simple method lor Improving the
rertllity ot swamp land Is found 'iy
scattering these ashes broadcast and
,p general quantities over the sur
face ot tho reclaimed land. In the
i-A oil!- ot large manufacturing
...nts or coai mines coal ashes and
cinders can be gotten merely for the
Hskmg and removal. The low pot
a?h contents of these ashes necessi
tates adding a targe amount per acre.'
h rom inree to four tons ot coal ash
per acre ought to supply enough
iiousb for Hbout two crops of corn
or potatoes.
The application to each acre ot
awump laud, of from 400 to 500
pounds ot kalnlt. a -alnerai obtaina
ble from almost any reliable dealer
in fertilizers, will also supply a suf
ficient amount of potash for several
crops.
If muriate ot potash is used, (and
it is most commonly available) from
iUU to 4 00 pounds per acre applied
to tho well prepared ground, Just be
fore planting or seeding, vili prove
very satisfactory.
Sulpi.atk ot potash may also be ap
plied lb the eunio quantity (.er acre
&c the muriate. Application ot
these different fartlllzerg ot high
potash content may be made either
bj hand broadcasting or when con
ditions permit, oy drill. Large quan
tities ot tobacco stems scattered ou
tho muck soli and plowed under will
also supply potash.
The Uqutd mnnuro flowing trom
tho compost heap hi tne barnyard
may be profitably apnlled to muck
soIIb. as this liquid Is well charged
with soluble potash generally In the
carbonate form. H. C. S. In Indluna
Farmer.
Flrbt Aid to Knriners.
A larmor In Ohio wrote to the De
partment ot Agriculture that he had
struggled for tweuty years on an
eighty acre farm heavily mortgaged
but bud been unable to reduce bis
debt ot rise luoyo a povertj mat
made the bringing up of bis famll
a uumillauon.
Ho asked it thoro was any hope
tor him on thi ..m or if he might
as well tlvo up the Lght. The Ou
partment requested that he make a
detailed report of nis farm and iu
bolls and upon this It based a plan ot
tanning which he was recommended
to follow to the letter. According
to a writer in '!he World To-duy
there was a profit the itrst yeai o.
$2,000, and the Department belier
that ultimately the despised 80 acre
can be tuade to yield $6,000 a yeui
A FASTIDIOUS GUEST.
Th Dlth Hs Preferred In Place of
Pemmlcan Cake.
Tho liltlo club of "dyed in tho woo'."
bohcmlnns, with all their tminilotml
eccentricities, was giving a "mirth
polo" supper. After the pieU had
been shown the Imitation polar bears
and the napkins formed In the nhape
of lco Igloos he wns asked to pit tuple n
cake of pemmlcan.
"It's something lino," elucidated one
of the members with much euthusl
asm. "I had n friend on a polar expo
dltlon, nnd he furnished us with the
original recipe."
The guest nibbled a small section of
tho pemmlcan cake nnd hesitated.
"H-how Is it mado?" he queried wa
rily. "Well, 111 tell you. First we lump,
tho toughest plcco of beef wo could
find out In tho open nlr two weeks."
The guest took n deep breath.
"Then we ground It up nnd mixed In
tho rnlslns nnd sugar."
There wns another deep breath.
"And then we covered It over with
tallow. Tallow Is something like
TIIB OUEST LOOKED AHOTJND THE ROOM.
cheese, nnd my exploring friond said
the mustier it was the spicier tho fla
vorgives It n sort of pique taste, you
know. Hut, mail, you'll never be a
good explorer If you don't like pern
uiienn. Why, explorers even cat old
boots."
There was a silent pause, nnd the
guest looked around the room ns if In
search of something.
"What Is it, old man?" asked the
host. "Why don't you eat your pem
mlcan?" "I was Just thinking," responded the
guest quietly.
"Thinking of what?"
"Why, that I might find n pair of old
boots to cat iu place of the er pem
mlcan." New York Herald.'
No Use For It.
A Washington man took his little
boy to church one Sunday inorulng. A
missionary preached, telling about the
nudo heathen In the tropics, nnd after
tho sermon a missionary collection wns
taken up.
The little boy noticed that his father
put in a suspender button.
He snld to his father on the way
home:
"Didn't I understand the preacher to
say that those savages went naked,
father?"
"Yes, my son," wns the reply. "I'm
glad to find you were so attentive."
"Then, father," said the boy, "why
did you put n button In the plate?"
Aim to Rise.
Every mnn ought to aim at emi
nence not by pulling others down, but
by raising himself, and enjoy the pleas
ure of his own superiority, whether
Imaginary or real, without interrupt
ing others In the same felicity.
He Liked Life Term Best.
He was one of the judge's "regular"
prisoners. His ready tongue had gen
erally contrived to get him off with n
reprimand, but nt last the magistrate
decided to take severer measures.
"You'll take the pledge or go to the
house of correction," he told the ap
parently penitent prisoner. "Which?"
"Pledge for life."
"Well," said tho magistrate lenient
ly, "better mnke It for n year first.
Then you can renew It."
"Oh, that's all right!" tho prisoner
remarked cheerfully. "I always take
It for life."
Senator Frye's Fishing Luck.
Senator Frye is- nn enthusiastic fish
erman. He was once tho guest of a
family that arranged for him aud oth
er visitors In Kastport, Me., a picnic
at n lake a few miles distant. Tho
head of the family, noticing that his
brother, who hnd charge of tho ve
hicles, had placed a supply of fishing
paraphernalia in one of the wagons,
asked why he had done so.
"They're for Frye," was tho reply.
"Hut, man alive, there aro no fish
in that lnke," tho cider exclaimed.
"Well, Frye doesn't know It."
Frye didn't. On arriving nt the lake
ho took the fishing tackle and trudged
off, to return somo hours Inter very
warm and very much bitten by
mosquitoes,
"Get nny bites, Frye?" he wbb
asked.
"Get any bites!" wns tho half ludlg
nnnt reply. "Look at my face!"
A Straight Tip.
Two Irishmen stopping nt a hotel in
.Dublin shared tho same bed as well ns
tho same bottlo of whisky. Tat waited
till ho saw MlkO' was asleep, when ho
rose quietly and emptied tho bottle.
Soon nfterward Mike, waking, stole
out of bed nnd begnn groping about la
the dark,
"Phwut are you lookln' for, Mlko7'
asked Pat.
t,"Oh, nothlu'l" said Mike.
"Well, Mike," snld Pat, "go over to
the corner there, and you'll find it in
lho bottle."
aaoQaoooooaoooaoooooaooi
Doit Sermons;
FOR A
fjoaaoGooooaeoooooooQoaof,
Theme:
"THE SPIRIT IN MAN."
BY THOMAS REED BRIDGES, D. D.
Text. There Is a spirit In man.
Job, xxll., 8.
Mnn wns crented llko the other nul
mals, from the dust of the earth, but
there was a difference. God breathed
Into him n living divine spirit Tho
body became possessed with nn im
mortal soul.
It Is tills spirit in mnn that directs
him and drives him on. It will not
sufrcr him to rest contented. It de
mnnds always more struggles, greater
sacrifices, completer victories. Ench
step gained becomes the basis for a
new advance.
In tho Hudson-Fulton celebration
we saw something of what tho spirit
In man hns accomplished. Threo cen
turies are n little time In which to
create New York and tho splendid
material civilization which It typifies.
A hundred years seem not enough In
which to produce tho marvellous de
velopments and mighty conquests of
steam.
The Insatiable spirit In mnn allows
him but a moment for retrospect.
There aro greater things yet to bo
done. After the conquest of the earth
comes tho conquest of the air. Be
yond the world aro the stars, and be
yond the stars there is infinite space.
The body of man has reached Its llmlL
We can, by taking thought, scarcely
add a cubit to our stature or a decade
to our span of life. But the spirit In
man knows not limitation. It has life
that is eternal and possibilities that
are infinite.
The living spirit travels in tho di
rection of greater power. It multiplies
itself by laying hold upon tho forces
of nature. It drags energy from Its
secret places, nnd sets It to work. It
seeks nlso to understand psychic and
moral forces and bend them to Its im
perious will. Tho spirit In man travels
in the direction of comploter knowl
edge. It must know all things. It sets
man to searching out facts of every
kind. It honors the explorer, the In
ventor and the thinker. Nothing Is
unimportant, if it is real and true.
The spirit in man travels In the di
rection of a more perfect righteous
ness. It strives ceaselessly for a bet
ter government, a Juster social sys
tem, the abolition of poverty and war,
a life of happiness for all. The pro
found unrest which Is everywhere ap
parent springs from the conflict of tho
spirit In man with tho cruel and un
just conditions which have survived
from less enlightened nges.
Progress Is the law of life. We can
neither go backward nor stand still.
The quest of the spirit does not end
until the dissolution of the body, until
the dawning of an eternal day, when
we awake In His likeness.
Short Meter Sermons.
Time is short; whatever your hand
finds to do, do It with your might.
Rev. J. M. Weaver, Baptist, Louisville.
No matter how low a man may fall,
If the rebound is toward God tho man
is blessed. Rev. B. F. Riley, Baptist,
Houston, Texas.
All authority is from God, and hu
man rulers are only stewards of tho
Great Masters. Rev. J. L. Belford,
Roman Catholic, Brooklyn.
A good deed for the sake of getting
your name In the paper Is not Chris
tian charity. Rev. W. H. Day, Con
gregationalism Los Angoles.
A Inrgo part of enlightened Chris
tendom has outgrown Its formal or
thodoxy and Is consumed with spiri
tual hunger. Rev. C. Flelsher, He
brew, Boston.
The almost universal acceptance of
the double standard of morals Is per
petuating a great crime against pos
terity. Rev. Z. H. Copp, Methodist,
Washington.
Spiritual Life.
It Is not always tho giver who
gives, It Is not always the receivor
who receives. Malay Proverbs.
Men of Intellectual and moral nnd
religious culture who nre not nctlvo
forces for good in society aro not
worth what It costs to produco and
keep them. Henry Van Dyke.
Man Is freo In proportion to his
power of moral choice. Tho fixed
star, not tho blazing comet or the fish
ing meteor, Is tho symbol of tho truest
freedom. Cella Parker Woolloy.
Only to find our duty certainly, and
Eomewhoro, somehow, to do It faith
fully, makes us good, strong, happy,
aud useful men, and tunos our lives
Into some feohlo echo of the ltfe of
God. Phillips Brooks.
The Good Man.
Tho real wealth of tho world Is the
good mnn, not the nblo mnn or tho
successful man. A public bonefactor
Is already beautified by tho peoplo nnd
by heaven. The happiness of an edu
cated llfo Is In doing good and In giv
ing out again tho knowledgo rocelved.
Rev. Julian E. Johnstone, Roman
Catholic, Boston.
Not a Saint from Sleep.
No man can become a snlnt in his
sleep; and to fulfil tho conditions re
quired domands a certain amount of
prayer and meditation and time, just
as improvement In any direction, bod
lly or mental, roqulrea preparation
and car?. Henry Drummond.
I
Q
The Light of the Star.
Vnrlotts endeavors hnvo been mado
to estimate the light of the stars. In
the northern hemisphere) Argelnnder
hns registered 321,000 stars down to
tho nine and a half magnitude, nnd
with tho nld of tho best photometric
dntn Agnes M. Clerk's "System of tho
Stars" gives the sum of tho light of
these northern stars ns equivalent to
1-440 of full moonlight, while tho total
light of all stars similarly enumerated
In both hemispheres, to tho number of
about 000,000, Is roughly placed nt
1-1S0 of tho lunnr brightness. Tho
scattered light of still fainter celestial
bodies Is difficult to compute. By a
photographic method Sir William Ab
bey rated tho total starlight of both
hemispheres nt 1-100 of full moonlight,
and Professor Newcomb from visual
observations of nil stars at Just 723
times that of Copclla, or 1-89 of tho
light of the full moon.
It Is not ccrtnln, however, that the
sky would bo totally dark If all stars
were blotted out. Certain processes
make the upper atmosphere strongly
luminous nt times, nnd wo cannot bo
sure that this light would be totally
absent. Hnrper Weekly.
With a Grain of Salt.
The earliest record of the saying
"with a grain of salt" dates back to the
year G3 B. C, when the great Pompey
entered the palace of Mlthrldatcs nnd
discovered among his private papers
the description of nn antidote against
poisons of all sorts, which was com
posed of pounded herbs. Those, ac
cording to the recipe, were to be tnken
with a grain of salt. Whether this
was meant seriously or ns n warning
sarcasm Is not known, but thenceforth
It became tho custom to say that
doubtful preparations should be taken
with a grain of salt. From this tho
meaning got transferred to sayings of
doubtful truth. "Attic salt" wns n
Greek synonym for wit or penetration,
nnd the Latin word "sal" had some
what of the same meaning. It is thus
easy to see how the saying "cum
grano sails" could have come to mean
the necessity of ncceptlng doubtful or
suspicious statements "with a grain of
salt."
Molokai and the Lepers.
Tho general Idea of the leper settle
ment on the Island of Molokai Is
wrong, says n writer in narpers
Weekly. Instead of tho entire island
being used for the leper colony the set
tlement comprises only eight square
miles out of a total area of 2G1 square
miles. It occupies n tongue of land on
the northern side of Molokai. The
north, cast nnd west shores of this
tiny spit are washed by the Pacific,
while on tho south side rise precipitous
cliffs of from 1,800 to 4,000 feet, which
make the Isolation seem even more
hopeless than tho beautiful deep blue
waters of the sea ever could. Tho
most difficult and dangerous trail, con
stantly manned by government guards,
foils escape, if it wero ever contem
plated, by tho land side.
PcOCj li-
ALCOIIOL 3 PER CRNT
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ncss and ResLContalns neither
Opium-Morphlne norfliaeral.
Not Narcotic.
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Facsimile Signature of
li?t
IMA
NEW YORKi
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
WANTED TO BE ON SAFE SIDE.
Woman, Twice Deserted, Didn't Mean
to Take Any Chances,
Tho officers of tho thumb print bu
reau wero Just wishing for something
Interesting to turn up when a tele
phone raossago offered timely diver-
slon. A woman was speaking.
"Do you mnke prints of anybody's
thumbs except criminals?" she asked.
Tho bureau did.
"Well," said tho woman, "If I will
come down there right away with a
man will you mnke a print or h!:
thumbs?"
Tho bureau would. The man nnd tho
woman came.
"Wo want his thumb prints for
Identification," said tho woman. "Wo
are going to bo married to-morrow. Ho
Is tny third husband. Tho other two
ran away and I had the hardest Kind
of a time to find them because theru
was no sure way of Identifying them.
They say thumb prints can never
chnnRp and that a man can be tracked
by timm to tho ends of tho earth. I
hope I shall never have to uso them,
but It Is Just as well to be on the safo
side Will you make them?"
Tin. bureau did.
Hash.
Snmo peoplo find fault when eating
hash because they don't know what
Is in It. Such souls are simply trying
to dodge happiness. Would nnybody
ever start upon a journey if they
Vnr-w the cars wore going to leavo
the track or that the bridge was sure
to f-oiiapse? No Indeed. Would lov
ers of hash over order that most
toothsome viand wero It not for the
dellchtful uncertnlnty attached to It
the compelling mystery in which It Is
wraupcd?
Why be wise when perfect happi
ness lies In Ignorance? Hash has
stood the test of time, and, whatever
it Is made of, history has yet to place
a ralamity at Its door. WIno has
caned the head to rise above the
church steeples; pie has ruined the
dignstivo apparatus, and hot biscuits
havo brought tho price of nightmares
down to a surprisingly low figure; but
hash, plain, regular Inoffensive hash,
has gone on down the ages and left
no'hlng In Its wake but a food mem
orv nnd a sweet taste in the mouth.
Wy worry? Boston Herald.
Love Will Find a Way.
The beautiful girl tiptoed Into the
library, where her father was reading
the sporting page and nursing a gouty
foot.
"He he has come, father," sho
faltered.
"Who has come?" roared the old
gentleman.
"Why, George."
"What! Didn't he promise never
to cross my threshold again?"
"He he didn't cross your threshold,
pa. He stepped through the trapdoor
on the roof. You see, he came In his
airship."
GASTORIA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
In
Use
Over
Thirty Years
GASTORIA
THE CSNTAUR COMPANY. NCW YORK CITY.
KRAFT & CONGER
HONESDALE, PA,
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