THE CITIZEN, FIUDAV, A1MUL UO, 1010.
The
Scrap
00K
Rough on Cannon.
Speaker Cnntinn met tlio ltov. Hen
ry N. Comlen. chaplain of tlio house of
representatives,
In n corridor onu
dny.
"Vou are an
old hypocrite!"
he said roughly.
"Why, ' v hy,
Mr. Speaker!"
protested Dr.
Coudon In great
surprise.
"Well, If you
are not, 1 am,"
said the speak
.... i i i, ,.
"fiJii' Inst boon hear-
-why, mi. srEAKEitl" about It,"
Then, while he linked his arm In
that of the chaplain, he told the story:
"The other day In tho house gallery
a lady approached a doorkeeper who
was protecting tho morning prayer
from Interruption.
She attempted to
push past, but was
restrained. 'Hut 1
must go in." she
said. "1 want to
see that man Can
non.' " 'Just wait a
moment,' said the
doorkeeper.
" 'Hut 1 must
sec him. I have
heard so much
nbout him, per
sisted the woman.
mo save iruu- i Vn
hln (he man lot "
her In. On the"AND inn vnAYiNQ
threshold she too!"
stopped a moment and saw Chaplain
Coudon with his head bowed In prayer.
" 'Oh, the old hypocrite,' she ejacu
lated, 'and him praying, too!' "St.
J.ouls Republic.
What Shall I Do to Bo Just?
"What shall 1 do to bo just?
What shall I ilo for the train
Of the world, for Its sadness?
Teach me, O seers that I trust!
Chart mo the dlfucult main
Xeadlng out of my sorrow and madness;
Preach mo the pureing of pain.
Shall I wrench from my finger the ring
To cast to the tramp at my door?
Shall I tear off each luminous thing
To drop In tho palm of tho poor?
"What shall I do to be Just?
Teach me, O ye In the light,
Whom the poor and the rich alike trust.
My heart Is aflame to bo right.
Hamlin Garland.
A Witty Reply
"Whenever the United States supremo
court on hearing the argument of coun
sel for plaintiff In error is entirely
satisfied that he has no case the chief
justice Is apt to say to counsel for de
fendant In error that the court does
not care to hear further argument
At one time lion. Matthew Carpenter,
from Wisconsin, was counsel for
plaintiff In error and opened tho case.
Before he was through the court was
satisfied that there was nothing in it,
and so when he had concluded and
counsel for defendant In error arose
Chief Justice Waite said, "The court
does not care to hear any further ar
gument." Counsel for tho other side was a lit
tle deaf and. although noticing that the
chief Justice spoke, did not hear what
ho had said and. turning to Mr. Car
penter, who sat beside him, asked
what had been said.
"Oh, hang It!" replied Carpenter In
tones audible to tho bench. "Tho chief
justice said he would rather give you
the case than hear you talk."
Wanted a Diagram.
A waiter at a western hotel said to
one of tlie guests at the dinner tabli
"What kind of plo do you wish? We
have peach, apple, pumpkin and lem
on." The guest replied, "Give me peach,
apple and pumpkin," to which tho
waiter, with a shrug of his shoulders,
a curl of his lips and an appropriate
gesture, said, with sarcasm. "What's
the matter with the lemon?"
An Englishman sitting at an adjoin
ing table, who overheard tho conversa
tion, now said to his neighbor, "I beg
your pardon, but what was the matter
with the lemon?"
Stung!
Two strangers met at one of tho
.small tables lu a dining ear, says the
New York Sun. They found a com
mon bond in the effort to secure some
thing to cat, and by tlio time tho cof
fee came they were great friends.
"I wonder if you will do me a fa
vor," remarked tho first one as he
covered his chock with a substantial
1)111, The other man seemed receptive,
and he continued:
"llnve you a lower berth for to
night?" Tho man across the table
nodded. "Well, I'm traveling with
my mother, who Is rather well along
In life, and I'm anxious to make hot
comfortable. Would you bo kind
enough to glvo her your berth?"
"I should bo delighted," responded
tho stranger.
They went .back to tho sleeper,
"where the accommodating man was
presented to tho other's mother, a
wbltd haired old lady with a charm
ing face. The good Samaritan had ex
changed bis lower for tho upper be
longing to the old lady, and he was
radiating with a sense of charitablo
kindness. It led him to remark af
fably to the other man:
"But whero are you going to Bleep?"
"Oh. that's nil right," was tlio an.
swer; "that's my lower berth over
there,"
KKivV
FOR A
Theme:
TIGHT-CORNER
BLESSINGS.
BY S. D. GORDON. D." D.
-I-
Text: They looked unto Him and
were radiant. Psa. 341D.
Satan may drive you into a wilder
ness, but he can't keep you from
growing frngrant roses there. Saul
could keep up a harrying wnrfnro
against the man who had saved his
kingdom, but he couldn't kill tho
spirit of courageous gentleness and
gonoroslty that dominated David's
life. Temptation may poop Into every
possible crack of your clrcumstnncos,
but it can't get insldo of you except
by tho door. And ouly then when the
man inside turns the only knob the
door has the one on tho inside.
No man, and no circumstanco, Is
free from tho vicious petty persecu
tion of evil in some shape, open or
hidden. And no evil that ever attack
ed any man Is free from the chance
of being gripped by tho throat and
strangled, and thou thrown lifeless
Into tho ditch at tho side of tho road.
It's a good thing to.be put into a
tight corner. To be pushed and hem
med lu on every side, until you nro
forced to stand with your back to tho
wall, facing a foe at every anglo, with
barely standing-room that's good.
Likely enough you aro thinking
that the man who can suggest such a
thing doesn't know anything about
tight corners: certainly not about
such a one as you arc in. But no
man can talk about tight corners In
a way that lias a familiar sound ex
cept from the inside. Only when your
elbows have rubbed the cold, hard,
unyielding wall so close as to sorious
ly threaten elbow-holes can you real
ly know the sweets of tight-corner
blessings.
For one thing, you find out that no
matter how close the lit of that cor
ner may be, it still can hold another
in addition to yourself. Its very tight
ness brings you and h.'m into very
close quarters. And only at closest
touch will you find out what a won
drous Friend he is. No matter how
tight the corner, he can find room
enough In it to give your vocal harp
a new tuning. Tight corners are fa
mous places for chamber concerts.
The acoustics are wonderful. David's
exile psalms have rung out with a
strangely sweet melody down all tho
ages and out through all the world,
and into thousands of hearts.
Would y'ou like to know how David
looked as Saul was hunting him? List
en: "they looked unto him and were
radiant'" (Psa. 34:5). Unto whom?
That other Onu with David in his tight
corner. Where did the radiance coma
from? It was reflected. It told that
David's face was on an upward angle.
It caught the llglit of his Friend's
face, and sent it shining out down be
low until even Saul caught the light
and acknowledged tho beauty of It.
Then, too, tight corners are valua
ble for their pressure. And It takes
pressure to bring out the choicest
fragrance. Haven't you often held a
fragrant shrub blossom, -a bit of caly
canthus, tightly in the paln of your
shut hand, and then reveled in the
exquisite sweetness which the pres
sure and warmth had freed out? Bless
ed be the close quarters of tight cor
ners. In money matters, in family af
fairs, in health matters, In friendship.
In child-training, in temptations, In re
ligious experiences. For under tho
pressure so close and hard and trying,
with your Friend's warm touch freely
allowed, the finest fragrance, the clos
est graining of strength's fiber, the
rarest shining of Inner lights, the
highest polishing of life's granite,
come, and only so.
Every man who has done some
thing worth while, either In living tru
ly, or serving faithfully, has had a
courso In tight comers. Moses found
his in Egypt, and then, after ho got
out, with Israel. Hannah hud hers In
those years of patient enduring in tho
old farm-house of Ephralm when Sam
uel was a-making. If you hope to be
of some service butter bo getting
ready for your tight-cornor course. If
you think you're there Just now, pull
out all the stops and sing a bit, for
the blossing that's coming out of It
to others and to your solf.
David was In an Inner corner of his
corner. For years ho suffered the pri
vations and distresses of a forced ox
lie undor the king' persecution. And
koenly he felt it Just now ho is
pushed a bit extra by tho sore tempta
tion to end his oxllo by a single Btroko
within easy roach. The finest fra
grance yet came out of tho tightest
tight, as ho overcame hlR temptation.
Saul gave David a cnanco to requite
good for his bad when ho came hunt
ing him with spear and sword. The
chief of evil spirits waB giving David
an oportunlty to defeat him in this
tomptatlon. Ho would not willingly
have glvon David that chance. But he
couldn't tempt without giving tlio
tempted a chanco for a victory, and
taking the chance of defeat for him
self. Every wrong done you 1b a chance
to forgive. The hand stretched out
to strike you may be made to carry
back surprising ovldcnco of your
greater strength In unexpected bless
ing to Itself.
The Bett Kltsi.ur In Town.
Somo years ago tluro died In Ne
braska a man nnmcd Wulsh, who, nn
a boy, started a suspension bridge.
When Wnlah was about ten years old
the first step.i for tiio .Mr.icti'Ui nf
the suspension bridge nt Nl.ivnra were
taken. Tho flirt tiling nee wiry w,is
tho stretching of n sl.ittlo wlvo ikitmh
the chasm. The engineer In rL.ir-ro
had thought of n way to ; 1 i. V'' a.
"What boy Is the best kltoilicr in
town?" ho asked.
The Walsh boy wan named as the
best kltctller in the town of Niagara
Falls, and the engineer accordingly1
asked that he be brought to him. He
was made to understand that he must
fly his kite across the Niagara river.
He Hew It across and allowed It to
come down on the other side. Men
were there to seize It. Then the en
gineer attached a wire to tho string
on his side, and the men on the other
side detached the kite nnd by means
of the string drew the wire across. By
this, In turn, a cable was drawn across,
and tho bridge was well begun. Har
per's Weekly.
Antiquated Customs.
There Is lw court In Europe more
fenneious of Its etiquette which was
Inaugurated several hundreds of years
ago than that of Spain. It Is said
that King Ferdinand VIL once made
a minister resign because he had ac
cidentally touched his hand. One of
the quaintest ceremonies is the closing
of the royal palace gates at Madrid
every night. Electric light has been
lu use lu the palace for quite a long
while, but nevertheless every evening
nt 11 o'clock tho olllciating gentleman
In waiting appears, accompanied by
peveral servants, who carry ancient
lanterns, to demand a huge key from
a higher official to lock the doors of
tho palace. This Is all the more amus
ing as the huge key does not fit the
modern keyholes. Tho key Is then re
turned to a third ollicial, and every
night gentlemen in waiting have to
patrol tho corridors of the palace,
though sutllciont guards are about, to
watch over the slumbers of their royal
master.
Paul the Tyrant.
Taul I. of Russia was very deaf and
also very tyrannical. One day an aid-de-eamp,
intending to please him, ap
proached and cried lu his ear, "I am
glad to see, your majesty, that your
hearing is much improved!"
"What is that you say?" growled the
czar.
liaising his voice, the ald-de-camp
said, "I am glad that your majesty's
hearing is so much improved!"
"Ah, that's It, eh?" chuckled the
czar and then added, "Say It once
more."
The uid-de-cntnp repeated tho words,
whereupon Tnul I. thundered: "So you
dare to make fun of me, do you? Just
wait awhile."
Next day the ald-de-camp was on
his way to the mines of Siberia.
The Lesson She Learned.
A fair western co-ed and one of the
male seniors fell violently in love nnd
neglected their studies shamefully.
Both were expelled. Tho fair co-ed
therupon wrote this Interesting reply
to the faculty:
Gentlemen You have expelled me for
neglecting my studies, yet I have learned
at your Institution more than you will
ever know. I have learned the meaning
of lovo. What Is the use of studying bot
any If I am not allowed to gather roses?
Why should I devoto myself to astron
omy If I may not look at tho stars?
What does It profit mo to spend yeara on
mathomatlcs and neglect my own figure?
You have expelled my fiance also. Do
you think ho Is unhappy? Wo were mar
ried last evening.
Exchange.
Sand Swept Asia.'
In tho arid lands of central Asia the
air Is reported as often laden with
fine detritus, which drifts like snow
nround conspicuous objects nnd tends
to bury them in a dust drift. Even
when there is no npparent wind the
air is described as thick with fine dust,
nnd a yellow sediment covers every
thing. In Khotan this dust sometimes
so obscures the sua that at midday
one cannot see to read line print with
out a lamp.
It Really Happens.
The Woman Here's a wonderful
thing. I've just been reading of a
man who reached the age of forty
without learning how to read or write.
Ilo met a woman, and for her sake
ho made u scholar of himself lu two
years. Tho Man That's nothing. I
know a man who was u profound
scholar at forty. Then ho met a wo
man and for her sake made a fool of
himself In two days. Cleveland Lead
er. Nothing More to Say.
"Sir," said tho candidate, "you prom
ised to voto for me!"
"Veil," said his Dutch friend, "and
vat if I did?"
"Well, sir, you voted against met"
"Veil, vat If I did?"
"Then, sir, you lied!"
"Veil, vat If I did?"
. Smart Bobby.
Minister So you nro going to school
now, are you, Bobby? Bobby (aged
six) Yes, sir. Minister Spell kitten
for me. Bobby Oh, I'm further ad
vanced than that. Try mo on cat
Chicago News.
A Great Thinker.
"Bllgglns puts a great deal of
thought into lilu work."
"Yes; ho works ten minutes nnd
then thinks about It for an hour and
a quarter."
Ilalf of success is In seeing tho sig
nificance of little things. Henry V.
Cope.
HER NAME WAS LUCIA.
Suggestive Tune That Made the Bride
Turn Pale.
Two ladles, who had known each
other In years gone by, mot on tho
Btrect. Both of them were married
to musicians. The one, a bride of a
year, wns pushing a baby-carrlago In
which wero three flno babies triplets,
all girls. The other lady had boon In
the bonds of mntrlmony a couple of
weeks.
"What beautiful chlldronl" exclaim
ed the nowly-marrled one with Inter
est. "Yes," replied tho proud mother,
"let me toll you the funniest coinci
dence. At our Wedding supper tho
boys who played with my husband
In tho orchestra serenaded him and
they played 'Three Little Maids,' from
'The Mikado.' Isn't that queer?"
At this the newly-married ono turn
ed pale.
"Mercy!" she gasped. "At our wed
ding supper friends serenaded him
also, nnd they rendered 'The Sextet'
from 'Lucia. " Ladles' Home Jour
nal. Preparing for the Suitor.
The little girl entered tho Bhop with
the air of a real grown-up lady nnd
stood by the counter with her wide
blue eyes on a level with the top of
It
"Well, Sadie?" said the shopkeeper.
"Sarah, If you please," he said,
"what can I do for you?"
"I want to get a mitten, If you
please, and charge It to mother."
"You mean a pair of mittens, don't
you?"
"No," she said, with an lmpatlont
toss of her head, "I mean just only
one; ono that's suitable to glvo to a
young man that's goln' to propose an'
bo rejected."
She Wasn't Superstitious.
"Mary, Mary," cried Mrs. Johnson
to her maid, "what shall 1 do? I've
Just had a most dreadful accident and
don't know what's going to happen.
I've broken my new hand glass, and
you know how unlucky It is to break a
looking glass. It means seven years'
unhappiness."
"Lor", mum," replied Mary, "don't
you set no heed on that! Look at me
I'm not fretting, and I've just broken
the large pier glass In the drawing
room."
Just What He Needed.
"Reginald dear, you puckered up
your lips Just then as If you wore go
ing to kiss me," said the beautiful
creature languorously, as she lay
stretched on tho beach surveying the
frolics of Neptune.
"I Intended to," replied Reginald
hesitatingly, "but I seem to have got
some sand in my mouth."
"For heaven's sake swallow it!" ox
clalmcd the young lady. "You need
it badly In your system!"
His Scheme.
Soiled Spooner (the Tramp)
How's business, Pard?
Slackputter (tho Village Constable)
Pretty blame' slow, jest at present.
Soiled Spooner You look like a
gocd sport Tell you what I'll do:
Lend me a quarter to get tho neces
sary drinks, and I'll come back hero
and raise such a row that you can run
me in and git the usual fee. What
d'ye say?
A LAKESIDE MUSING.
"l admire you, but I can never bo
your wife."
"Why not?"
"I have a husband living In Chica-5-'
The Price of Courtesy.
"Politeness costs nothing," said tho
man who quotos proverbs.
"You nre wrong ngaln," answored
Mr. Slrlus Barker. "You have evi
dently not figured how much It costs
to persuade a New York waiter to
look pleasant and say 'thank you."
Doing Her Beet.
"Won't you try to love me?" ho
sighed..
"I have tried," she replied, kindly but
llrmly.
"My rich mint has Just died," ho went
on.
"In that case, dear, I will try ngaln!"
Generous.
Club Walter (fishing) I dreamed
last night, sir, that you gave mo a $5
bill.
Stingy Member Indeed, James!
That's a little high for a tip; but or
you may keep It
Brothers In Luck,
Tramp Say, mister, I haven't had
a bite all day.
Dejected Angler Same hero.
Where did you fish.
Irresistible.
Crawford Why does your wife
want to move?
Crabshaw She happened to see a
house with two more closets in it
GUIDE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE.
Probably Compiled by One Who Has
Suffered from Bad Manners.
Persons traveling on the contlnont
will find the most economical means
of travel a canoe or small Oxford
punt. These nro the only two places
whero you are not expected to keep
tipping.
Having partaken of a soven-courao
dinner on a transatlantic steamer, It
Is well to romnrk "Punk food" shnrp
ly upon arising from the table. Other
wise tho crew will think you nre not
used to any better at homo.
Upon returning from a country
boarding houso whero the only excite
ment Is wondering what form the ham
will take the next meal, It Is well to
speak of your vacation as "a delightful
experience at a quaint old place close
to nature." This sounds romantic and
doesn't mean a thing.
Young gentlemen desiring to play
stuss over Sunday In the rear of a
beer saloon may allude to their ab
sence as "a week-end spent on a duck
farm."
When Invited on a yachting trip al
ways arrange to sit on the bight of
the main sheet. Occasionally rap tho
deck sharply with your heels. This
will please tho owner of the boat Im
mensely. If you can arrange to tie a
few knots In the main sheet, all hands
will usually take a pleasant little
swim before the day is .over.
No picnic Is complete without a
young lady who thinks she sees a
snako. It is not good form, however,
to comment upon the bugs In tho but
ter and tho grasshopper In the pickle
bottle. One must not be too literal
in rummer.
Those sitting on the rear seat of an
automobile should always sing. Close
harmony and tho odor of gasoline
mako a very el'assy combination.
It is not proper for young ladies to
go bathing without a chaperon. If
you have a chaperon, however, not
much of anything else is necessary.
At the seashore never throw sand
In a gentleman's shoes. Put It down
his neck. It will get to his shoes ulti
mately. If he's in a hurry for some In
his shoo3. h'i can put it there himself.
There is pU nty of sand.
If you should find a magazine lying
around at a summer hotel, carry it up
Into your o-vn room Immediately. If
you don', the owner is almost sure to
cor..e back and take it away.
Positive Hroor.
A lawyer going Into the parlor of
his home noticed pencil marks on the
wall, put there, as he rightly sup
posed, by one of his children. He
called his little five and six year old
son and daughter In to see which one
had done the mischief. Of courso each
one blamed it on the other, so tho
father said, "Well, my son, a little
bird told me he was sitting on tho
fence and saw you through tho win
dow marking the wall." The little
fellow answered, "Get that bird and
make him prove it." Delineator.
ALCOIIOL 3 PER CENT
AVegelaWcPrcparalion&rAS'
s Imila t iig Hie FbotfariaRcd
tingUteS tamciis oMBavels of
Promotes DiScslionGicerfur
ncss and ResLContalns neither
Opiimt.Morphmc nor Mineral.
Not Nakc otic.
teasf.1
jfrcjKeoija&Mmmiim
Jhvfim Sfid'
jlhcSema
Him Ml-
1
Aperfect Remedy for Ccmslipa-
l CnwoChnniirli llhrriNlfl
I lull t tjuui uwJr.iuvit....
Worms .Coro'ulsions.rcwnsir
russarulLossOF&LtuK
FacSMc Sigoature of
NEWYORK
0
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
When Women Ruled.
It seems to be pretty woll establish
ed that originally tho matters of rela
tionship and descent, along with all
that followed, wero determined
through the femalo line. Kinship, nnd
therefore property, was governed by
the mother. Hence tho power of the
enrly woman. When a young woman
got married she took her husband
homo with her, nnd If he proved un
worthy It was within her power to
cast him out Tho woman was tho
"boss," nnd when she said "Go" he
had' to get out. It Is comparatively
late In tho history of human society
that we first see the change from fe
male to mnle headship In the matter
of kinship and Inheritance, and in the
( . r, icnt transfer of the power and
lii ' in i.uice from the woman to the
Fire Losses In New York.
As to fire losses in New York city,
It may be said that they amount an
nually to about $5,000,000, which does
not Include exponso to tho city of
some 300.000 false alarms. Since 1883
the loss from fire in the city aggre
gated $130,000,000. This total repre
sents 135,496 fires; or 4.C0O fires a
year, or 13 a day, or one In every two
hours.
Attention is called totne STRKNGTH
of the
Wayne County
The FINANCIER of Sew York
Citv has published a IIOLL Ol
HO'NOK of the 11,470 State Banks
and Trust Companies of United
States. In this list the WAYNK
COUNTY SAVINGS BANK
Stands 38th in the United States
Stands 10th in Pennsylvania.
Stands FIRST in Wayne County.
Capital, Surplus, $455,000.00
Total ASSETS, $2,r33,000.00
Honesdale, Pa.. May 29, 1908.
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
THE CCNTHUII eOMMNT, NEW TOR O
KRAFT & CONGER
Y
HONESDALE, PA.
Represent Reliable
Comnanies ONLY
Roll of
HONOR
CASTORA
Signature $
r JA In
hX Use
Ia For Over
Thirty Years
ITT.