THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AVll. 27, 1010. The Scrap Book Appearancat Deceitful. She bad nil the enrnwrks of a green stenographer, nnd It therefore occurred to the fresh young clerk thnt hero .was one -whom ho could guy to his Lenrt's content. After luncheon hour, when all the men were In Uio office, seemed the best timo to show what n wag he was. Tipping them thnt he was going to have some fun, he went up to her nnd said, "Oh, Miss T., I heard tho funni est story today," nnd ho proceeded to get off n time honored patriarch of n joke. When he had nnlshed she looked at him guilelessly nnd said, "Oh, Mr. X., If you ever hear tho mate to that will you tell me?" "Tho mate?" said he. rather bewil dered. "Well, you know," snld she, "Noah took n pnir of nil things Into tho nrk with him. and now thnt I know one of the Jokes really I would love to know the other." IJpplueott's. It Never Comes Again. There ore trains for all our losses, Tlicro are balms for all our pains, But when youth, the dream, departs It takes something from our hearts. Anil It never comes again. Wo are stronger and are better Under manhood's sterner reign. Etlll we feel that something swot Followed youth with Hying feet And will never como again. Something beautiful Is vanished, And we sigh for It In vain. We behold It everywhere. On tho earth nnd In the air, But It never comes again. Richard H. Stoddard. According to Formula. Judge rennypackcr was once asked by his brother llnrry during n session of court for the loan of ?o. Harry walked to the desk mid whispered the request in the Judge's ear. The latter, looking down over the top of his glasses without the suggestion of a smile, said loud enough to be heard throughout the room: "Put your application in writing nnd present it to the court in n proper man ner." Mr. Pennypacker, thinking the Judge's Insistence upon regularity to be merely regard for tho dignity of the court, wrote out the request and hand ed it to the clerk of the court, who In turn passed It to the bench. The Judge read It quietly and seriously and then Interrupted the pending trial long enough to say: "Application for n loan of $5 made to this court Is received and refused." What the Sandwich Was For. A stately old professor was ap proached by a young student one dny In the western colleges. Trying hard to keep back n smile, the young man asked: "Professor, you say you nre an ex pert at solving riddles, don't you?" "I claim that I am, my boy." "Well, then, can you tell me why a man who has seen London) on n foggy day and a man who has ut seen Lou don on a foggy day are 'like a ham sandwich?" The professor studied for a long time, venturing several answers, which proved to be wrong. Finally, at his wits' end, lie said: "I give It up." "It's easy," said the other. "Give It up," repeated' the professor. "Why," was the reply, "one has seen the mist, and the other has missed tho scene. Ila, ha! -Catch on?" "Of course I do, you lunatic! But what has the sandwich to do with It?" After the youngster had recovered from a spell of laughter he chuckled: "Oh, that's what you bito ou." Almost Too Far. "Very good repartee very good but perhaps a little strong." The speaker was a prominent actor, lie resumed: "It reminds me of a dialogue at the Lambs club between a New England poet and a Scot. "'nah!' 3aid the Scot, hearing that the poet had a press agent. 'Hah, you Americans are possessed with an Itch for notoriety!' "The poet tossed back his long locks fiercely. "'Well,' ho cried, 'an Itch for no toriety Is better than n notoriety for' "Hut with a 'Tut, tut, gentlemen!'" said tho netor. "I ended this unseemly wrangle ere It went too far." Heroic Courtesy. A French writer on "The Revolution, tho Empire and the Restoration." cites an amusing instance or what he culls heroic courtesy. Percy, Lord Heyerly. Invited to dine with him it marquis who was ouo of tho uumt valiant sol diers of the army of Contle. Wishing to honor his guest and the cause which ho served, that of the French king, tho English peer ordered his butler to bring hint a bottle of fine wine 100 yeare of age, "n ray of sun shut In crystal." IIo opened It carefully and offered a glass to tho marquis, snylng, "If you deem It worthy tho honor, will you drink In this wine tho health of the king?" Tho marquis tasted the wine. "How do you llko It?" asked tho host. "Ex. qulslte," replied tho marquis. "Then,' said Lord Beverly, "finish tho glass. Only In a full glass can ono drink tho health of bo great and so unfortunate a king." Without hesitation tho mar quia did as ho was bidden. Only when tbo Englishman tasted the wlno him self did ho learn that what bo had forced on his guest was castor oil. DAZED JTKI.r.TiST. The Gtory of cn Ecrly Portrait of Frith by llimj?lf. Ilcre Is the unitisl.i,: hlstn-y of one of Filth's own por.ralt.f (-..tinted by himself. Tho celebrated nrtlst had entirely forgotten Its existence until a friend cutcred his studio In London one morning nnd asserted that a capi tal picture of himself wns on view In a Small shop In Grcnt Portlnnd street. "It's not a bit llko what you nro now," observed tho friend, "but It mny have resembled you somo years ago. Go and look at It." Mr. Frith went and found his own imago after nn estrangement of forty five years. IIo determined to buy It. though ho hnd not tho faintest recol lection of having painted It. "Ah, a portrait!" said Frith to the woman in charge of the shop nftcr he had pre tended to examine several other works. "Whose likeness Is that?" "That," said tho lndy, "Is a portrait of the celebrated artist, Frith, painted by himself." "Why, he must be an elderly man," put In the nrtlst. The woman remarked that he was young once. "Humph!" quoth tho genial Frith. "Not much of a picture." To this the woman demurred and nsked 20 for the canvas. It wns Frith's turn to appear surprised. "Well," replied the shopkeeper with out luovlng a muscle, "It cost us near ly as much. We shall mnke a very small prolH. You see. It Is very val uable because the artist is deceased." "Decrased!" exclaimed the astonish ed painter. "Dead, do you mean?" "Yes, sir; died of drink. My hus band attended the funeral." Frith bought the picture, but did not revive for some time. Didn't Startle Her. A certain prominent New York busi ness man Is known as a "high roller." "A chandelier fell In the night at his house." explained one of his friends, "nnd in tho morning at breakfast ho said to his wife, with a laugh: " 'What did you think, my love, when you heard the chandelier fall In the dead silence of the night?' " 'I thought, darling.' his wife an swered, 'that you had been detained on business again nnd wns getting up stairs as quietly as you could.' " An Easy Winner. George Ham of the Canadian Pacific railroad Is the greatest Canadian mix er. He usually entertains nil the visit ing English Journalists and statesmen who come to look over Canada. Once a party of dignified English Journalists came over, nnd nam met "SOU LOBE," 1IAM SAID. them at the dock ut Quebec. Ono was a particularly dignified representative of the Loudon Times, much Impressed with his Importance. "George," said a friend who was with him, "you'.ll never be able to make a dent on that man." Hani looked him over. "I'll bet you a dinner,", tie said, "that he'll be call lng me 'George' before midnight." "Done." At 0:30 that night Hniu called up his friend. "You lose," Ham said. "He has not only called me 'George,' but he now has his arm around my neck and Is calling me 'Georgtc.' " Philadelphia Saturdny Evening Post. The Tattered Flag. A eeueral on his return from tho wars showed his family a regimental flag tattered, torn anu riuuieu wuu bullets which he had personally cap hired from tho enemv. On the follow ing morning tho trophy was to bo presented to tho commander m cmer. When ho called for the flag his Indus trious wlfo brought It to him smiling ly and, presenting it to mm wuu a look of proud satisfaction, said! "James, I sat up all night mend ed the flag, nnd now see, It looks al most as good as new!" Cheerfulness. To be bright and cheerful often ro nulres nn effort. Thero Is a certain urt in keeping ourselves happy, and In this respect, as in others, we requlro to watch over and manage ourselves al most as If wo were somebody else. Sir John Lubbock. Ho Would Need It. A professor of chemistry in a med ical collego was examining his class and asked the question, "Suppose you were called to attend a patient who bad swallowed a heavy doso of oxalic add, what would you administer?" There was sllcnco In the room for somo seconds, for nono of the pupils knew the answer. Finally tho youngest of the students murmured as a sort of suggestion rath er than a solution, "Spiritual consola tion." f. POETRY; NOTES BY C.MttAnNITZ o u CORRESPONDENCE SOLICITED Theso nrtlclcs and Illustrations must not be reprinted without special permis sion. JOHN HENPECK'S REVENGE. John Hcnpeck when ho took a wife Thought that meant happiness for life. Hut wedlock often turns out wrong llecauso n woman's tongue's too long. And then her mother would chin In, And round her tongue would spin nt htm. So John got henpecked night and day And sought to tako his life away. Determined on sad suicide. wnen laincs wmspereu irom mo wpon, "Why don't you show your true man- nooa : You surely have a punkln head If by tho noso you may bo led. Why don't yon play a trick or two And show those torments who's who?" Just then John saw nn oaken plank That reached unto the other bank. Ho loudly laughed: "I'vo got 'cm now! Just watch me stop their bow, wow, wow! I'll simply fix that oaken plank Where they cross o'er to yonder bank, So when they go to Aid society. Where scolds nnd gossips aro almighty. They'll get a ducking good and deep. My, won't I laugh to hear 'em weep? I'll let 'em soak awhllo In there Until they get more debonalre." Now, soon they camo around tho turn, Those women who had words to burn. And when they got out on tho plank Tip! Splash! "Murder!" In they sank. The bank right there was very steep. The creek Itself was also deep. They stood on tlptoo to their chin. So even yelling chance was slim, While John, who hid across tho way. Rejoiced to hear those two scolds pray. O Lord. Just get us safe to shore And we'll not scold John any more!" You bet he worked tho hero bluff When he was sure they had enough. And. though this happened long ago. John Btlll Is their great, brave hera. No need to spilt a scolding tongue; No need to amputate a lung; No need to throw a half ton brick; Just let 'em drop Into tho creek. C M. IsAItNITZ. KURIOS FROM KOR RESPONDENTS Q. How can I get my roostera to grow their new tails In time ,for fnll fairs? I have lost, tho ribbon twice, because my birds had molted out their tails and were knocked by the Judgp. .V. About six or eight weeks before the fair gently pull the tail feathers. Q. Please tell me at what price squabs sell. My homers do not seem to know how to build a nest that will keep their eggs from rolling out and breaking, now can I prevent this loss? A. Price of squabs depends on quality, size and season. The rich do not object to 0 per dozen for fine birds. At seaside resorts they pay ns high as $4.50. For cold storage you get from $2.25 to $2.50. Wholesale winter prices run from $3 to $4. Pro vide earthen bowls for nests nnd egg breakage will cease. Q. Will you please Inform me how to stop the blood when a cock's comb has been cut off? A. Obtain a soft feather length of wound and cover the raw surface. This will at once stop the blood. Keep bird by himself until wound heals. Q. How can I stop egg eating? A. Feed the egg fiends nothing but egg shells until they get a surfeit. This invariably cures. Q. Can bacteria penetrate an egg shell? If so, which Is more apt to contaln germs, a fertile or Infertile egg? A. In a recent test at tho Pas- lour Institute nearly half of the fer tilized eggs contained bacteria, while the Infertile eggs wero free from them. Q. What has been your cxperlunee In crossing the different breeds of tur keys? A. AVo have found cross bred turkeys not so vigorous ns pure bred and more susceptible to disease. Q. Where may I secure n copy of tho new "Standard of Perfection?" Will It bo tho criterion for Judging nt next winter's shows? A. Tho now "Standard" will not be out until after show season Is over. The old "Stand ard" will be used by Judges and Is for sale by the different poultry Journals. DON'TS. Don't let your turkeys loaf over on tho next' farm nnd eat the feed nnd then expect to claim them without op position In tho fall. Don't trust to luck and neglect to lock your plant at night. Those open coops will bo visited by Skunk, Wea sel & Co. Don't give up a good Job and go Into the poultry business thinking It's n bonanza. Don't let mice multiply under the brooders nor rats feast on your chlckeu meat. Don't let pheasants run where the trees are yew. Yew leaves are poison too. Don't nllow hens out whero "red dev ils" run. They will run over them Just for fun. Don't expect your trado to be Im mense In size when you fall to regular ly advertise. Dou't let tho bogs eat tbo turkletB up nor keep tho chicken killing pup. 2 yli jilt , SALT CAT A PIGEON TONIC. Pigeons, like cows, need salt, and the English make the following mix tureSalt Cat that furnishes (hem tho salt needed and n splendid tonic be sides. It's a standard: Salt Cat. Dry pulverized yellow clay, one peck; fine nlr slnked lime, one-half peck; oatmeal, one-half peck; fino charcoal, one-half peek; mealed oyster shell, onc-hnlf peck. Add four ounces each of ground anise, enrnway, cumin nnd coriander seeds. Mix thoroughly, then add for each half gallon of mixture one-hnlf pint of water, two tablespoonfuls of Douglas mixture nnd a heaping handful of line salt Keep the lumps before birds at nil times or pulverize for hopper. LETTERS FROM THE BOYS.' "Boys will bo boys," und they do llko pets, and their favorite pets arc chick ens. Boys are gradually leaving Bantams for tho larger breeds, which simply proves they nre getting more practical. A boy writes us: "I nm selling off my Sebrlghta nnd Intend to buy White Wynndottes. Bantams nro pretty, but I wnnt chickens I can mnke money on." Another writes for n rooster nnd says: "I used to have rabbits arid, guinea pigs. I sold them and bought Game Bantams. For three years now I have been keeping White Hocks nnd Dottes and I have been saving the money from eggs and culls nnd have $15 In the bank. "I hnvc paid my feed bills, and mother uses all the eggs she wants, besides n chicken sometimes." Here's n third letter that Isn't Just so pleasant: "I am reading your 'Notes' every week and keeping them all. lULIA AND HIS TUT BOCK. Please let me know what to do for that rough scab that gets on my roost er's legs. I like chickens and want to be a fancier some day, but Just now I am fighting It out all alone. "My parents won't help me at all, but I work hard, and my chickens have paid their bills right along." Now, Isn't It a pity this last boy's parents don't know a good thing when they see it. Hope your boy isn't "fight ing It out all alone." Hope you're In terested In his pleasures and employ ments. FEATHERS AND EGGSHELLS. When our birds droop their wings nnd pant ou the roost we chase them Into the yards for the night. The dew freshens them and In the morning they nre bright and lively. We find metal roofing on poultry buildings a pretty hot proposition. Tar roof the same. They retain the heat so long. There Is nothing bettor than cedar shingles. AVhcn you tako up a breed Its pop ularity must bo considered or you will be stranded with a lot of birds you can't sell. For meat, eggs and fancy the Wynndottes and Bocks aro now the rage. Tho drought In many sections the last season made oats very light. Thresher could blow this light stuff out, but as they nre paid by tho bushel It ls carried to the granary. Buy oatn by weight this year and be suro your horse and hens nren't cheated with chaff. Interest In poultry culture Is shown by the organization of now poultry associations everywhere. Tho Blooms burg (Pa.) association Just organized with 100 members, tho Sunbury or ganization held Its first show last year with 700 entries, while ihe L'ewlsburg association, only two years old, has the largest membership In Pennsyl vania. These three associations aro within an hour's rldo of each other. Whon a watchdog gets very little meat It Isn't much of a Job to bribe him with a pleco of round steak. It's better to feed your dog cheap meat than to raise chickens for thieves to cat. Twenty-seven thousand bens, 30,000 young stock and B,000 ducks aro housed ou tho farms of a Lakowood (N. J.) poultry company. They aro buying up adjolnlug farms and open ing egg stores In the cities. Don't say "Do chickens pay?" At coruhusklng It Is poor economy to let green corn and nubbins lie Mi tho field unless hogs follow tbo buskers and clean them up. If turkeys clean up this yellow corn yellow diarrhea' will clean them up and you'll clean up no yellow coin. So many pigeon breeders allow tho droppings to accumulate and cake on tbo loft floors. If you Intend to raise chicks on tbo Kama ground next season, lime tbo sur face well, plow it under and sow wheat Itoll this smooth and keep the chickens off till It Is well grown. Holland. Holland, known ns North nnd South Holland, forms part of the northern part of the Netherlands. Theso prov inces nre composed of land rescued from tho sea nnd defended by Im mense dikes. Holland was Inhnbltcd by tho Bapvt In Uie time of Cncsar, who made a league with them. It be came pnrt of Gallia Belgicn and after ward of tho kingdom of Austria. From the tenth to the fifteenth century It was governed by counts under the German emperors. Hollnnd was nt ono time n Dutch republic. It was created u kingdom In 1800, and IxhiIh Bonrtparto, father of Napoleon III,, was declared king. Rattled. He I trust you have forgiven mo for not recalling your name the other evening, although I remembered your face perfectly. She Oh, yes; but my name Is such a plain one I should think yoa would linvo remembered It quite as readily. He Not at all. Your name Isn't half as plain a cr beg pardon; your face Is much more aristocratic than your I mean to say that your namo Is harder than His Mental Incapacity. The Court So you ask divorce from this man on the ground of mental In capacity. What proof have you that he's Insane? Tho Woman Who said he wn insane, your honor? Tho Court Why, you say he Is mentally Incapa ble. The Woman Yes; Incapable of understanding that I'm boss. Enthusiasm Dulled. "Don't you feel ns if you would like to leave footprints In the sands of time?" asked the ambitious citizen. "No," answered Mr. Crosslots gloom ily; "out where 1 ll"o tho mud Is eight een Inches deep, and I don't feel as if I wanted to see another footprint as Ions I live." Washington Star. Is Your Blood Pure? Does your head feel heavy and ache? your throat dry, nose stopped up and hot, no appetite, little chilly feelings creeping along the spine, hands hot, feet cold, tongue furred, eyes burn, you feel sick all over liver ieit mis way oeiorer You are bilious. Nio it in tho bud: do the right thing first. Promptness will work wonders. Start using Smith's Pineapple and liutternut Pills, take two to four at bedtime, ouwon t need anymore; they will cure you in a night. Don't wait till you get down on your back, then it will take longer, but, even then, these pills will work wonders. I hey promote the harmo nious action of the stomach, liver and bowels. Get a bottle of your dealer today and take them home with you and use them when you experience any departure what ever from a healthy standard. They will make your blood rich, red, pure. Physi cians use and recommend. They form no habit. You should always keep them on hand. These little Vegetable Pills will ward off many ills. To Cure Constipation Biliousness and Sick Headache in a Night, use PINEAPPLE Si (BUTTERNUT J Diseases ot HZHz Headache and PILLS ixzssszs p-y CO Tills In C.ln Vial 25c All Healers. SMITH'S BUCHU LITHIA KIDNEY PILLS For Sick Kidneys Bladder Dl&eaws, Kheamatlim, the one best remedy. Reliable, endorsed by leadlnjr physicians; safe, effectual, Heaults lasting. On the mar Vet 18 years. Have cured thousands. 100 pills In original Klaus package, 0 cents. Trial boxes, 60 pills, 05 cents. All druggists seU and recommend. M. LEE BRAMAN EVERYTHING IN LIVERY Buss for Every Train and Town Calls. Horses always for salt Boarding and Accomodations for Farmers Prompt and polite attention at all times. ALLEN HOUSE BARN Through Drawing-Room Buffet Sleeping Car IIKTWEEK Scranton and Pittsburg IN BOTH DIRECTIONS , via Fenna, R. R. Irom Wilkes-Barro Leave Scranton at 5:30 P.M. daily except Son. arrive Pittsburg 7 A.M. Leave Pittsburg at 8:50 P.M. daily except Sat, ar, Scranton 9:50 A.M. Berth reservations can be made through Ticket Agents, or GEO, E. BATES, Div. Frt. and Tana. Agt. Scranton, Pa. 15ei20 NOTICE Or ADMINISTRATION, ESTATK OK Kn.Anmr.I. Ilovn. Into of Damnscus, Pn. All persons Indebted to snld citato nre noti fied to mnku Immcdlntc payment to tlie un dersigned ; nnd those lmvlnc claims Against the said estate nro notified to present them duly attested, for settlement. THOMAS Y. 110YD. lloyds Mill, I'n.. April lit, Administrator. TN THE COURT OK COMMON PLEAS 1 OF WAYNE COUNTY. Hcislo M. Hector v. Claud J. Hector. No. 70 October Term lln. I.lbcl In Divorce. To CI.AUII J. HKlTOIl You nre hereby required to appear In the said court on the third .Monday of June next, to answer tho complnlnt exhibited to the Judpo of said court by Jlesslo M. Hector your wife In the cause above stated, or In default thereof a decree otdlvorcu ns prayed for In said complaint may be mnde nculnst you In your nbsenc .M. I.KK IlKAMAN. l.ee. Att'y. Sheriff. TN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS 1 OF WAYNE COUNTY. CJustnve Klcemnn v. Claire Klectnan. No. 31 October Term, 1!W9. Llbei In Divorce. To CLAIKK KLBKMAN: You nro here by required to appear In the said Court on the third Monday of June next, to nnswerthe complaint exhibited to the lu dec of said court by fiustnve Kleemun. your husband, in the cause nbove stated, or in deruult there of u decree of divorce as prayed for In said complaint may be made against you in your absence. M. l.KlillllA.MAN. Searlo A- Salmon. Att'ys. herlff. Honesdale, Pa., March 25. 1911). KeoiU QIIKKIFK'S SALK OF VALUABLE O HEAL KSTATK.-llv virtue of process issued out of the Court of Common Pleas of Wayno county, and State ot Pennsylvania, and to mo directed and delivered, I have levied on and will expose to public sale, nt tho Court House In Honesdale, on TIIimSDAV, MAY 5, 1010, a I M. All of defendant's right, title and Interest In tho following described property, viz: All that certain pleco or parcel of land situate In tho township of Pal myra, county of Wayne, and State ot Pennsylvania, hounded and described ns follows, to wit: Beginning at a post on tho side of the public road leading from Hawley to Honesdale; thence along said road south seventy-two and one-half degrees east twelve and one-half rods to a plno tree; thence south twenty six degrees east four and three tenths rods to a post; thence by lands of George Atkinson north sixty-seven and one-half degrees east thirty-sir rods to a heap of stones hy a chest nut tree; thence north twenty-two and one-half degrees east one hundred nnd thirty-three and one half rods to a stones corner in line of lands late of Russell Daniels; thence along said line of land south sixty-seven and one-half degrees west seventy-seven and one-fourth rods to a post on the berme bank of tha Dolaware & Hudson canal; thencs along said bonne hunk of the canal its several courses nnd distances to a stake near and below iock numbered 32 on said canal, and thence along the lands of the Del. & Hudson Cnnal north 16 and one-half degrees east 3 and eight-tenths rods to post corner; north 55 degrees east 2 rods to post corner nnd north 36 degrees west 14 rods to place of beginning. Containing 45 acres and 76 perches. See Deed Book No. 89, page 257. About 6 acres of above lands are Improved. Upon same Is two-story frame house and two small frame barns. Seized and tnken In execution aa the property of Mnrie B. O'Donnell at the suit of F. L. Tuttle. No. 27S June Term 1909. Judgment. $172.60. Mumford, Attorney. TAKE XOTICK All bids and costs must be paid on day of sale or deeds will not be acknowledged. M. LEE BRAMAN, Sheriff. Honesdale, Pa.. Apr. 9. 1910. -itOTICE OF UNIFORM PRIMAU JN IES In compliance with Sec tion 3, of the Uniform Primary Act, page 37, P. L., 1906, notice is here by given to the electors of Wayne county of the number of delegates to the State conventions each party Is entitled to elect, names of party olllces to ho filled and for what offices nominations are to be made at the spring primaries to be held on SATURDAY, JUNE -I, 11)10. REPUBLICAN. 1 person for Representative In Congress. 1 person for Senator in General Assembly. 1 person for Representative la General Assembly. 2 persons for delegates to the State Convention. 1 person to bo elected Party Com mitteeman in each election district. DEMOCRATIC. 1 person . for Representative la Congress. 1 person- for Senator In General Assembly. 1 porson for Representative In General Assembly. 1 person for Delegato to tho State Convention. 1 person to be elected Party Com mitteeman In each election district. PROHIBITION. 1 person for Representative In Congress. 1 person for Senator in General Assembly. 1 person for Representative In General Assembly. 3 persons for Delegates to the State Convention. 3 persons for Alternate Delegates to the. Stato Convention. 1 person for Party Chairman. 1 person for Party Secretary. 1 person for Party Treasurer. Petition forms may be obtained at the Commissioners' office. Petitions for Congress, Senator and Representative must bo filed with the Secretary of the Common wealth on or before Saturday, Mar 7, 1910. Petitions for Party offi cers, committeemen and delegates to tho state conventions must bo filed at the Commissioners' office on or boforo Saturday, May 14, 1910. J. E. MANDEVILLE, J. K. HORN DECK, T. O. MADDEN, Commlsslonors. Attest: Georgo P. Ross, Clerk. Commissioners' Office, Honesdale, Pa., April 4, 1910.