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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, MAHCII '), J 1)10.
MEN OF 1812 50T5,
Declares Alleged Saints of a Cen
tury Ago, Were Drunkards
and Slave Traders
WORLD NEVER WAS BETTER
ti the Olden Days It Took Thirty Bar
rels of Cider to Get One Minister's
Family Through the Winter. Less
Cambridge, Mobs.--If you had been
told one week that your great grand
father was it thief, a bribe-taker and a
general reprobate, and you had gone
through It all peacefully, nnd the next
week another man came along and
told you your grandfather was a sot,
a slave-trader and a confidence man,
wouldn't it upset you?
Historian Stark was the mnn who
paid his disrespects to the Revolu
tionary heroes, and now Dr. Bordon
H. Hnwne llnys the men of 1812.
Dr Howne In a lecture delivered
at the Methodist Students' Social Un
ion, before the members and faculty
of the Boston University Theological
School and the Harvard Methodist As
sociation, declared "the world of to
day is not getting worse in spito of
muck-rakers and pessimists." The
opposite is the fact, he avowed, and
the world was never as good as it Is
"Go a hundred years back," 'he
said, "and yon will find that the men
who were placed on n pedestal then
nnd worshipped as saints, would not
be tolerated now.
"Many of them were drunkards and
slave-traders. Many of the ministers
needed at least thirty barrels of cider
to take them through the Winter.
"Gambling was much more com
mon, and was done much more openly,
and in many cases for religious ad
vancement." He cited the building of Union Col
lege in New York by funds obtained
from a lottery, and many other similar
cases whei e religious institutions, and
chiirches were founded by methods
that would not be countenanced now.
Dr. Howne put in a good word for
the present day politician who, he
said, is much more presentable and
decent and honest than his father
There Is more religion to the
square foot in our colleges now than
there was thirty years ago. The mil
Ionium stil' lies far up stream and we
have still :o pull and pull hard."
WANTS A MILITANT CHRIST.
Weak and Effeminate Pictures Have
Poor Effect on Boys, Says Theologian.
New Haven, Conn. That weak and
effeminate pictures of Christ have a
very poor effect on boys, is the opin
ion Prof. George B. Gilbert of the
Hartford School of Theology, express
ed here in an address on "The Church
and the Had Boy."
"Manly pictures of Christ, not tho
weak feminine kind, are needed in a
boy's room," he said. "Christ was
never represented as a bearded man
in the early church. Boys should
have an active picture of ChrlsL
Christ, in a picture for the boy, should
be shown as young, round limbed,
strong, and active. Have a picture of
Christ In a boy's room kicking over
the money changers' tables and
smashing them over the head with the
pieces That's the kind of a picture
He thought the bad boy was the
best, because ho showed more life.
Boys, he said, should not be taupht
by women teachers In the Sunday
schools, but by young unmarried mm.
They ought to be allowed, he said, to
wear out the church carpets.
TRUE, KISSING IS RISKY.
"But It's a Poor Sort of a Fellow Who
Won't Take Sor-e Chances."
Milwaukee, Wis. The kisBlng bug
may be an nil-devouring pestilence,
but it has found one defender, and
th.v one defender is in the ranks of
tho most advanced scientists, being
Dr M. P. Rnvenel, the head of the
State society which is conducting the
war against tuberculosis. Dr. Rnv
enel is n member of the faculty of the
University of Wisconsin and was the
leader in the organization of the Wis
consin Anti-Tuberculosis Society.
"Kissing Is risky, but it Is a poor
Fort of a follow who will not take
some chances," he said in a lecturo
before a Milwaukee audience.
Policewoman a Success.
Berlin. Frauleln Margaret Dlttmcr,
who was appointed on the Berlin po
lice staff In October, 1908, has had 604
cases to deal with during her first
year of service. Her work consists In
acting as the guardian of youthful de
linquents, waifs and chlldron who are
Ill-treated . by tholr parents. Waifs
are placed in orphanages, and in
caces of parental cruelty which have
been proved in court it is Frauleln
Dlttmcr's duty to visit tho homes at
Irregular intervals to prevent the of
fense from boing repeated.
Catch $7,200 Worth of Fish In a Day.
Red Wing, Minn. With a seine
1,800 feet long and several men to as
sist him, David Gautenbein In one
aftornoon took from the upper Missis
sippi inland lakes 47,200 worth of fish,
lie loaded the fish Into cars, got them
to market and has Just received
clucks In payment for them.
Da n Gutter and Get Wounded Bird
from Leader Pipe Where
It was Stuck.
Upper Montclulr, N. J. When a dis
abled English sparrow fell from the
limb of an overhanging tree upon the
roof of Ernest T. l.openuy's home In
Valley Road the rout of the flock flow
down after it to give aid and comfort.
As they were twittering, In apparent
perplexity, in the midst of the rain
the disabled bird rolled Into the wntcr
gutter and wkr washed along toward
the leader pipe, Several of Its feath
ered companions plucked at It, but
their combined strength was not suf
ficient nnd In a moment the bird was
swept Into the mouth of the leader. It
go; stuck on the way down.
One or two of the older birds at
oni e flow to the ground, evidently ex
pecting the disabled sparrow to be
washed out of the spout. Hut it wasn't.
They "hopped on the curved lower end
of the spout and peered in nnd seemed
to be listening and wondering. Per
hnps they heard Its faint "tweet," At
nny rnio they Hew back to the roof
and scattered the news, whatever It
wfs. to the flock.
Then the flock stood in the gutter
and dammed the tiny torrent a few
moments. They hopped to tho
roof and flew to the ground. The re
nev rd rush of the water washed the
dir"b'ed bird out of the leader and the
llok pushed it to n dry place under
the porch, l.openny said his wife, who
wl'b' him witnessed the affair, urged
him several times to go to the nsslst
am e of the birds, but he preferred to
see Just what action the sparrows
wo-Id take to get the bird out of tho
o O )
O DIPLOMAT'S GLASSES LOST,
8 While Talking to Lady In Decol- i
O lette Gown, They Fell. O 1
q Washington. D. C Over tho n :
Q tea cups Washington socloty Q 1
O laughed heartily about a White o t
Q i-'oufo Incident at the Army and 1
O Navy reception that is going the O 1
Q rounds of cheerful gossips. Q j
O The dramatis personac of the o
P, story included n celebrated di- Q
O plomat and statesman, rather on o
ft in years, who wears eyeglasses, g '
O While trying to adjust them to p !
ft ':1s aquiline no?e they slipped x !
O f.'nm his lingers not to the q
Poor, but down the decolletto x
O gown of n young navy matron O '
who was standing in front of '
O him. p i
q The statesman was in despair 8 1
O and finally appealed to the p :
O lady's husband to recover his q
O property. With the usual u
q thoughtfulness of the married i
O ian. Mr. Husband reached down O
P nnd fished out the glasses before x
all the guests. p
Tho lady shrieked, there was x
a small riot to rescue her, and p
then the husband explained, the x
statesman explnlned. and the Q
ft lady graciously declared it of no x
O consequence; but she literally O
ft looked daggers at her husband.
GANDER WHIPS A COW.
Gets Strangle Hold on Jersey's Nose
and Puts Her to Flight.
, ! 1 'T. 1 1 f f I . . I . . .
i xjicKsuu, i euu. Willi lut; cuw ubu-
ally favorite In everybody's estima
tion, but with almost everybody favor
ing the "under dog," which In this
case, happened to be n plain everyday
gander at the head of a Hock of town
geese, the gander routed and put to
flight tho cow in a fight viewed by
half the pouplatlon of Dickson.
The fight took place on tho main
street and it seems was started by the
geese refusing right of way to Betsy,
the prettiest Jersey cow In town. Tho
geofo hissed and flapped their wings,
but the old gander was game enough
I to tackle Betsy, getting a strangle
j hold on Betsy's nose with his bill.
causing Betsy to take flight.
The Incident was not without its
betiing feature, one game sport clean
ing tip backing the goose to win.
PAID FOR BEING SCARED BALD.
Jury Awards $2,000 to Factory Girl
Whose Hair Tell Out After Fright.
St. Paul. Minn. Becnuse she
proved that she had becomo bald as
the -esult of a fright. Tilllo Omlnsky,
a factory s'rl. was awarded 12,000 by
a Jury in the Circuit Court here,
Charles Welnhagcn & Co. must pay.
The girl was employed a little more
than n year ago at a mnchlne which
elevated pnper boxes to the floor
above. In some manner her waist
caught in the wheels nnd shafting and
she was drawn tight against the ma
chine. During the trial Just concluded phy
sicians and surgeons testified that
fright had so affonted her nervous sys
tem that her hair died and fell from
SHUN RICH, SAYS BISHOP.
Most of Them Burdened with False
Friendship, Asserts Rev. Cranston.
Baltimore, Md. That the greater
portion of the wealthy people of this
country are burdened with false
friendships nnd arc already doomed,
was the statement made by Bishop
Cranston In a sermon nt Garrett Park
Methodist Episcopal Church here.
"Tho wealthy are not to be pattern
ed after." he said, "Do not follow
them. If you, my brethren, were to
visit their mansions, you might bo ac
quainted with them, but they would
not receive you into their fellowship;
If they did, perhaps, It would be a false
VENTED HIS CURIOSITY.
Llttl Boy Anxloui to Know Mysteries
of Bishop's Toilet.
The visiting bishop had taken
chnrgo of a class of small boys, and
hid been much flattered by the ab
sorbed Interest which one youngster
h:td taken In nil tlint he hnd said nnd
done. At tho conclusion of the lesson
the bishop said kindly: "Now, If nny
of you boys have n question to nsk I
shall be very glad to nnswer It."
The boy who had been bo attentive
during tho lesson raised a hesitating
but an eager hand. "Well, Johnny?"
encouraged the bishop. "An' kin I nst
anythlnk?" questioned Johnny. "I
shall be glad to nuswer nny question,"
replied the bishop with n benign
Etnlle. "Well, thin, Is thlm (Indicat
ing the bishop's robes) all yez hev on
or do ye, wear yor pants under thlm?"
he questioned with the eagerness of
His Singular Infirmity.
"What Is your nnme, little boy?"
asked the teacher.
"I'll have to write It for you, ma'
am." said the new boy, hesitatingly.
"1 think not. My hearing Is quite
Eoort. Your name, please?"
"I'd rather not tell you."
"Are you nshnmed of your natw.-V
"No. ma'am, but "
"Then wo will not waste any more
time. If you please. 1 am waiting."
Tho boy's eyes rolled wildly In
their sockets nnd his face became con
torted as he began:
"Kuk-kuk-kuk-kuk Clarence! That's
my first name. The other Is Pup-pup-pup-pup
Perkins! I never stutter
'cept when I'm speaking my name, and
when I'm nagged like this I'm a who'.s
lot worse, ma'am."
Wanted the Feet.
Here is a verbatim copy of a letter
received by a local stove concern:
"Gentleman's Dore Sirs: I re
ceived de stove by which 1 by from
yon alrite, but vy don't you Fend me
no feet, what Is do use of de stove
ven he don't get no feet 1 lose to yon
no customer suer ting by having de
feet as tats no very pleasure for me
wat Is de matter mit you Is not my
trade money as good like another
mans, u lose my trade and I mad like
hell and now 1 tell you are darn foul?
and no good 1 send you back de stove
tomorrow forever because you nr
nuch liafn foolishness.
"P. S. Zlnce I rite dis, I find my
feet in the oven."
What the Ailment .as.
A New England statesman was re
ferring to the dry humor of the late
Senator Hoar, when he was reminded
of the following:
One day Hoar learned that a friend
In Worcester who had been thought
to have appendicitis was in reality suf
fering from ucute indigestion.
Whereupon the Senntor smiled gen
ially. "Really," said he, "that's good
news. I rejoice for my friend that
the trouble lies in the table of con
tents rather than in the appendix."
TIs Distance Lends Enchantment.
An exact definition of a gentleman
has been tried many times, never per
haps with entirely satisfactory results.
Little Sadie had never heard of any
of the various definitions, but she
mnnaged to throw a gleam of light on
the subject, albeit one touched with
unconscious cynicism. The word was
in the spelling-lesson, and I said:
"Sadie, what is a gentleman?"
"Please, ma'am," she answered, "a
gentlemnn's a man you don't know
Sounded Like Sarcasm.
"What's this?" demanded the cus
toms officer, pointing to a package at
the bottom of the trunk.
"That Is a foreign book, entitled
'Politeness," answered the man who
had just landed.
"I guess I'll have to charge you a
duty on It," replied the Inspector. "It
competes with a small and struggling
industry In this country."
Put It on Himself.
"I thought you were working on
Smith's new house," said the house
"I was going to," replied the house
painter, "but I had u quarrel with him,
and he said he'd put the paint on him
self." "And did ho do It?"
"Yes; that Is where he put most of
The captain was explaining what
I would be done In case of accident.
"And should tho ship strike a rock,"
ho continued, "we'd burn red flro and
send up rockets."
"But wouldn't that bo a rather un
usual time to celebrate, captain?" ask
ed the towheaded youth with the bull
Polar Bill of Fare.
Shoe Dealer-Hero are a pair of
boots that will suit you exactly In
your next dash for the pole. How did
you like the last pair I sold you?
Arctic Explorer (reminlscontly)
The best I ever tasked.
In Hands of His Friends.
"Yes, suh," said Brother Dickey,
"any race what wants to live In Illi
nois kin go dar, how an' when dey
likes, but oi fur mo, I'll stay whar I
Is 'inongst de folks 1 raise an' born
wld, an' ef I Is lynched, please God,
I'll be lynched by my fr'en's!"
Gets There Anyhow.
Suffragette We believe that
woman should get a man's wages.
Married Man Well, Judging from
my own experience, she doss. Boston
A STATESMAN'S PLEA.
Members from Shellback Tells W,iy
His Bill Should Be Passed.
"ICr ll'm Mister ' Speaker" be
gan the moss-grown member fro ti
Shellback County, rising In his pl.ic
In the midst of the Arkansas legisla
ture, "I ask for the passage of this
yore hen-hawk bill o' mine In the in
terests of religion, good morals nnd
"If wo don't have a law payln' n
bounty for klllln' 'em, nobody will kill
hen-hawks; If nobody kills the hawks
the fctch-tnked hawks will kill the
chickens; If we don't have no chick
ens we won't hnve no preachers after
r little while, nnd whur there ain't no
preachers there ain't no religion, and
whur there ain't no religion there ain't
no morals; without good morals there
nln't no happy homes, and happy
homes Is the bully-works of the State
- without 'om, Mr, Speaker, our boast
ed civilization becomes a howling wil
derness. For the preservation of civ
ilization we've got to havo happy
homes in our midst, and in order to
hnve 'em we've got to have good mor
als, good morals depend upon religion,,
nnd to have religion we must hnve
preachers, and It 'pears like preachers
have Just naturally got to have chick
ens; If we want 'em to hnve chickens
we must slay off the hawks, and In
order to git the hawks slew we arc
fo'ced to make It to the interest of
Romebody to kill ''cm. No bounty, no
chickens; no chickens, no preachers;
no preachers, no religion; no religion,
nor morals; no morals, no homes.
Therefore, I ag'ln ask that this yere
bill o' mine be passed."
"Il'm that's strange. I've only been
at the sea two hours and I have al
ready put on twelve pounds.
A Treat for the Doctor.
A Philndelphlan, who has slnco
then fortunately regained his health,
was last year the subject of nn ex
tended examination by specialists.
"The examination seems to have
delighted Dr. Blank," said the patient
to one of the doctors, when they were
alono for a moment, "for I have no
ticed that his eyes are positively
beaming. I assume, then, that my
case is not a grave one."
"Well," hesitated the physician ad
dressed, "I hardly feel justified In
saying that. But I understand from
Dr. Blank that bo Is going to perform
a number of Interesting operations on
A prominent rabbi of Pittsburg met
recently at a dinner a priest whom he
had known Intimately years before.
During the meal tho conversation took
a bantering turn, and the father, turn
ing to the rabbi, inquired:
"My friend, when are you going to
begin eating pork?"
Instantly tho rabbi replied, "At
your wedding, sir."
Price of Opportunity.
Town Marshall Ye can't git a drink
under any circumstances In this
Stranger (flngorlng a roll of bills)
Then I suppose I'll have to give It up.
Town Marshal (lowering voice)
Well, say I'll make tho clrcunistnnces
two dollars. Just to nccommodute yo.
A Western Solon.
Prosecuting Attorney (Frozen Dog)
Your Honor, tho sheriff's bull pup
has gone and chawed up the court
Judge Well, raako the witness klBS
tho bull pup, then! We can't adjourn
court for a week just to hunt up a now
Knox Theru goes young Do Short
In Jay Greene's automobile.
Crox Why, I thought De Short
owned It. He told me not an hour ago
that he had put all his money Into It,
Knox Well, he probnbly told tho
truth. He bought 60 cents' worth of
No Value Whatever.
Cholly Doctor, I want something
for my head.
Doctor My dear fellow, I wouldn't
take It as a gift.
In Price, not Size.
He looked In a store window, and
saw, "Hats reduced." "Heavens!" said
he to himself. "What was their origi
"Going up to bear that leoture on
"New, I'm tired of thsso organ recitals."
The Sinking Rooms of Persia.
A Persian diplomat, seated ofi the
white beach at Ormond, fanned his
moist brow with u Panama.
"The sun is hot," ho said. "It re
calls faintly to mo the heat of Persia,
But you have no need of sinking
"Sinking rooms?" said the girl In
white. "I've heard of sinking funds,
"You use them In Pcrsln-lf you'ro
rich enough In the great heats." ho
Interposed. "Thoy'ro rooms of glass
that sink down Into the vitreous blue
depths of Lake Nlrls. Nlrls, the most
beautiful of Persian lakes Is almost
crowded with sinking rooms during
the hot weather.
"They're very pleasant. You fur
nish them sumptuously- rugs and
pale silk hnnglngs. Ivory carvings nud
mother-o'-pearl nud you lake down
with you sinking 'girls and dancing
girls and girls to serve the sherbet
nnd to fill the hookahs."
"All this," he said. "Is very pleas
ait. but I would gladly exchangi- Hit!
glare of this hot sun. the smell - id
djst and roar oT these high finwei'd
motor-cars for I.a':e Nlrls's cool
depths, the vitreous blue light, and
the clear laughter of the Circassian
The First Descert Spoon.
When dessert spoo.is were indent
ed, Hamilton Palace, the seat of Fir
Charles Murray's uncle. waR the first
household north of the Tweed to adopt
them. A small laird. Invited to dine
with tho Duke of Hamilton, was dis
gusted to find a dessert sporin handed
to him with the sweets. "What do you
get me this for?" ho exclaimed to tho
footman. "t;o : ou think ma mooth
has got any smaller since I lapplt up
AKKIVAL AND DtifAKTUHU OF
Trains leave at 8:25 a. m. and
.4 8 p. m.
- Sundays at 2 MS p. m.
Trains -rrive at 1:40 and 8:08
Saturdays, arrives at 3:45 nnd
leaves at 7:1.
Sundays at 7:82 p. m.
BANK WITH A
SURPLUS EARNED IN
Arc You One of the 3,553 Depositors
Doing business at the
HONF3SDALE DIME BANK?
If not, the opportunity awaits you to open an ac
Start the idle money you have at your home to earn
If you have a small bank, bring or send it to us at
once. Put your idle money at work.
If you wish to make a loan on your farm or house
or to borrow some money call at the Dime Bank.
Business and Savings Accounts Solicited.
Wayne County money for Wayne Countcans.
D. & ri. CO. TIHE TABLE
s so 1
.. . Albany ....
. . Philadelphia .
10 UOi 1! 15).
7 25 .
9 4 ),
it 51 .
I'.M. A.M. iAr
The Era of New Mixed Paints !
Tins year oms witn a deluge of now mixed paints. A con
dition brought about by our enterprising dealors to got some kind
of a mixed paint that would supplant CHILTON'S MIXED
PAINTS. Their compounds, boing now and heavily advertised
may find a sale with tno unwary.
THK ON1YV I'liAOK IN HONICSDALK
AUTIIOIUZKI) TO IIVNUIii:
Is JADWIN'S PHARMACY.
Tliore are reasons for the pre-eminence of CHILTON PAINTS
1st No ono can mix a hotter mixed paint.
2d Tho painters declare that it works easily and has won
dorful covering qualities.
3d Chilton stands back of it, and will agreo to repaint, at hit.
own expense, every surface painted with Chilton Paint that
4th Those who have used it are pfirfectly satisfied with it.
and recommend its use to others.
A'Icm nnd Virtue.
Do not consider nny vice as trivial,
nn ' therefore prnctlco It; do not
cn ! 'or any vlrtuo as unimportant,
r rrofore neglect it. Bonar.
8 MAKI1N lAUIibLD j
Designer and Man
P Office and Works jj
I 1036 MAIN ST.
I HONESDALE, PA. i
For New Late Novelties
SPENCER, The Jeweler
"fJuoriintccd articles only sold."
I I'. ..A.M.
.i 10 50,
.! 8 45j .. .
j 7 31 T'
3 53 7 3t 7:r.
A .M l'.M,
10 20 4 03 7 15
2 25' I' M.
1 35' 10 05
9 37 3 15 6 20
l'.M. V M.
rarhundiile H 05
III Avenue.. 7 51
Whiles 7 GO
C'nmiun 7 25
Ijike Ixxlore 7 10
. Wayninrt 7 17:
.. Keene 7 12
...Mtene , 7 89
. l'rmupten I 7 05
I'orten n 7 01
Scolyvllle I ti5S
UonesUale , C 53
A.. M.i l'.M.
CHILTON'S MIXED PAINTS